Zucchini is bad. Zucchini, in fact, is the worst vegetable. Uncooked zucchini exists in a vacuum of flavor. Cooked zucchini, on the other hand, tastes like what I imagine hot turtle water tastes like. How you can go from nothing to unholy with the mere introduction of heat is a testament to zucchini’s darkness. Zucchini is the cantaloupe of vegetables. Zucchini is the vegetable you pair with yellow squash and serve in vats to large groups of people you disrespect. Zucchini is a miserable cucumber.

Really, all that I know is that zucchinis (or zukes, as I like to call them) are damn healthy, damn versatile and damn delicious. They really are so terrific that every good person likes them.