Xena the warrior princess shows up for another round of adoration from her number one fans: the lesbians. Also, shocker: Jenny DIED.
Welcome! to the First L Word Recap Foreplay Session. Remember also when you’re at the edges of your seat that there’s gonna be like an even more exciting Autostraddle experience coming to you starting next week for reals. So you might just want to sit on the floor. I like sitting on the floor, personally.
I feel like they can’t kill Shane or Jenny, ’cause I imagine Mia and Kate might be the actresses most likely to be down for a guest appearance on The Farm, just ’cause they’re all friends and everyone likes working with their friends. Would Ilene cut off that possibility?
Someone just let Angelica honk the horn. already because shit is going DOWN in the season finale. Phyllis, Jodi, and Adele want it their way and Shane’s fucking [it all up] again but at least Helena and her money are here to save The Planet. Because where would be be without The Planet?
Another case of Really, Ilene, Really? Who names their characters Tootsie and Graciela?
Things that suck: when you and your girlfriend accidentally wear the same outfit, when everyone has PMS, trying to break up with a girlfriend who refuses to be broken up with, getting blackmailed, meeting a cute girl when you already have a perfectly nice girlfriend, etc. It’s all right here, girls.
Of all foods: french fries. Of all underthings: boybriefs. . Of all girls: Shane. Of all cheekbones: Tasha’s. Of all L Word writers: Angela Robinson. Of all cities: New York City. Of all songs: “Just Like Heaven,” by the Cure. It’s just … such a perfect song, and the last song I ever expected to hear during an L Word sex scene!
Everything in LA is too hot to live. The ladies of The L Word have a showdown a la “The Godfather” and then everyone goes home [or to an elevator] and has a lot of sex while Freezepop plays in the back.
Tasha faces THE BIG BAD and Nikki experiences some serious liquid heat and Jodi wears a terrible frock at a really strange dinner party.
Cut. Print. Adele is getting creep-city but we don’t care. There are court cases to be won and lesbian Turkish oil wrestling to be done.
Just fyi, no one wants to look like they’re moving furniture when they’re fucking. In other news, Adele is creepily turning into Jenny and Phyllis’s daughter is a babe.
The last 20 minutes were some of the best I’ve seen on this show. It was fun and quality and featured all those verbs they sing about in that opening song we all cream over. Um, fighting, winning, fucking, whatevs. Up until that? Blah blah podcasts blah love cindy blah. You get the picture.
It’s that time ladies. Queue everyone’s head exploding. That’s right: Tina and Bette are back in love/made out. Also Alice is the perfect housewife and Jenny is the perfect roommate.
So guys: Ourchart. have you heard of it? OurChart, I mean. Are you on OurChart? Basically Peggy Peabody and Carlie’s Angels are the only redeeming facets of this godforsaken show.
Jenny is more Jenny than EVER this season, Shane fucks it up again, Helena’s even pretty in jail, and someone commits arson! arson! Oh yeah, and Alice and Tasha are cutehotadorablesexybeautifuletcetc.
Good news: on a scale of one to ten, this episode was “not bad!” There was a surprising amount of sex from miss i-never-give-the-girls-what-they-want chaiken, it was directed by Jamie Babbit, Foxy Brown came to the jailhouse, and Inconceivable showed up from ‘The Princess Bride.’
I AM THE ONLY trans guy ON CABLE! But instead of integrating me into your show, you’ve progressively emphasized how my differences make me at odds with the lesbian community and the only personality trait you’ve given me is “self-loathing.”
But we fell in love with these characters in 2004 not because they self-mutilated or had fancy jobs on movie sets or had stalker/assistants or appeared on billboards; we loved them because they reminded us of us … just hotter, and living in West Hollywood. It was like our lives but burning a little brighter, and sexier, and richer … like most teevee shows are.
I’m putting almost all of my hours & energy & resources right now into making that stuff — the good stuff I’ve gotten out of this show, which is my new friends and connections online and in real life — into a project that I hope will reflect everything positive about our community and encourage intelligent, responsible, entertaining and progressive discourse & art.
It’s not a revolution … but it’s solid. It’s sweet, it’s snappy, it’s clever, smart, delicious. It gets away with things American teevee shows never try for. It’s everything television should be.