What do we feel our sexual IDs “mean” about us as “people”? Do they have overlaps with our sense of self outside of bed? Do we notice others assuming these things about us (or projecting them onto us)? If so, is that annoying or helpful? Do they get at authentic ways that our sexual dynamics are natural expressions of other parts of our personhood?
How have you defined (or not) your role over time? Has it changed, did you at first think you “were” one thing and now you ID differently? how did that feel and what did it bring up? How do you ID now, and where do you see it as part of that ~ journey ~?
Can two switches have sex? I think so, and I think there is something beautifully different about having sex with someone with whom sexual options are truly abundant.
I was always thinking about them — what I’d bring, what I’d wear, what we’d do when we saw each other next. I wanted to dote and caress every moment of every day. I was willing to do damn near anything for them. I was consumed by what I can only term “I want to buy you a matte black Audi” energy.
Good news: there are no geographic limits to being a kinky slut, and I’m willing to lend you my perverted imagination.
Many Black women are raised to give our apparent struggles the stiff upper lip. We’re taught to be loud, and proud, and bigger than the world sees us. And at the end of all of that effort, in my most private and intimate moments, I wish to lay my burdens down. Ain’t I a bottom?
Much like how everyone told us “OMG you’re both Geminis? This will never work,” we were also told “OMG you’re both bottoms? This will never work.” Joke’s on everyone else; the healthiest relationship and the best sex of my life has been with another bottom.
In our last post dedicated to our tops / bottoms / switches survey, we’re looking at a broad overview of all the data.
*Law and Order sound* these are our stories — Autostraddle staffers share how they personally identify (or don’t!) and why.
We’ve been talking about tops, bottoms and switches for a few weeks and today we’re doing a little glossary of the other words you use to describe how you have sex!
Today we’re using our sex survey data to talk about switches and also about those of you who identified as NONE OF THE ABOVE. Which is fine!
“I’ve been dying to tell someone about how my partner and I finally found a name for our new dildo and it’s Antoni”
It’s time for part two of our series on what queer women and trans people are talking about when they talk about tops, bottoms and switches. Today we are taking your love ON TOP.
What does it mean when to identify as a “bottom” or a “submissive” in queer sex? I come armed with data and some very vague answers.