Interview With My Ex-Boyfriend (!!): Christopher
“You know, I was never annoyed that you were gay! I was just glad to know you. If it were the 1940s maybe we would have had a lavender marriage.”
“You know, I was never annoyed that you were gay! I was just glad to know you. If it were the 1940s maybe we would have had a lavender marriage.”
“I’ll answer that. It’s because your boyfriend compelled me to act like a psychopath.”
“I think that’s a distinct problem that two women face. It’s that, first you’re friends with somebody. And you know you’re compatible. But you don’t know if you’re compatible just as friends or if you’re compatible as a couple because you care about each other.”
“I think I took on a lot more of that than I should have because I was already so prone to believe that I was crazy. That’s only half your fault.”
“I sent you a Facebook message about ‘Werewolf Bar Mitzvah’ and that’s really where our romance began.”
“Even though we broke up for all the reasons, then you see the person you were with and are like, “you wouldn’t do that thing with me, but you’re doing it now, so maybe it wasn’t the thing… it was me.”
“Rather than the ‘Irish goodbye’ where you slip out without telling anyone the ‘lesbian goodbye’ is to have a sort of intense breakup and then continue to sleep in each other’s beds.”
“I know what miss most about you. It’s how much I could talk to you.”
“Too little too late there, champ. But it’s fine. Actually, no — it sucked in a big way.”
“I sent you a text overnight like, “I know this has been really hard but I’m gonna be home soon and I love you and it’s gonna be OK.” I woke up and you were like, “I can’t be your girlfriend,” and I… I was just blindsided.”
“I think it’s a pretty good reason to break up with somebody. Moving and getting knocked up.”
“I mean you can’t just have a keychain that says ‘stud muffin’ and not admit that you have a girlfriend.”
“I have a very vivid memory of this one particular time. I don’t know if you were home or not home. You must have been home, because why would I cry if nobody could watch me, you know?”
The moment I stepped out of the moving truck and saw you, I was like: “something’s not right.”
“We basically started dating because of MySpace.”
“I also had a really weird relationship with sex until very recently because, I don’t know. A lot of shame is placed on it. Also especially being a girl who likes girls in the South, no one tells you anything.”
“Welp, I just came out! And everything sucks! I don’t know how I’m feeling! Let’s have a fight and have sex.”
” I, it turns out, am even more kinky than I had previously imagined, and you are less so, and so and thus.”
“That’s another thing I don’t miss about you: how you’ll interrupt strangers on the street if you think they’re blaspheming Harry Potter.”
Grace: It’s fine.
Meg: It’s fine, everything’s fine, this is normal.
“Do you know what we were arguing over? Free food at the event we had just come from and the fact that you didn’t eat it and I did.”