“Am I only attracted to Abby Wambach?”

“I don’t especially want to be gay, but If I was, no big deal, and who knows?”

“Sometimes it is hard to be chill and not proposition everyone constantly.”

“there was a time i did what wasn’t justified and it opened up my heart and i bled and i dropped my phone in the toilet and i felt like i was born again or a little more naked or a little more light.”

“I became defensive and snappish and surly. I continuously blew him off and disagreed with everything he said. He called me closed-minded and I said, ‘ok.’ So he put headphones on and looked glumly resigned after having failed EVERY possible conversation topic, ruining everything.”

She’s like, “What do you want from a partner in bed that you’ve never had before?” And I’m like, “Reading a book while she’s reading a book and nobody’s talking.”

“i cried for an hour and then had three glasses of wine and yelled at the contestants on Chopped”

“I feel that I have no idea what will happen next. Does anyone else on this plane understand this or feel this way.”

“I realize that sounds absolutely stupid, but for however many years, I just felt like YES I’VE GOT THIS, STAND BACK. And now I’m like SHIT WAIT HAVE I TOTALLY FUCKED THIS UP.”