by riese & julie & brandy
Much like the coffee beans used to prepare the fresh breakfast coffee in Dunkin’ Donuts commercials, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard are harvested and slow-roasted into perfection, and that takes time, which’s why it’s been so long since we last checked in with In Your Box Office’s Legendary Season Two. Luckily they’re totally roasted and they’re back!
Before we go any further, you should know that January 19th is Brandy’s birthday, so you all should tell her how pretty she is and be extra nice. Also you should know that when they’re not buying buckets of cheeseballs, being supermodels, or telling stories about drugrunning in Mexico for The Gay Pimp Podcasts, Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are now both on the writing team for Joan Rivers’ Fashion Police Teevee Show! GOING PLACES!
A quick refresher about In Your Box Office, World’s Most Beloved Webseries:
Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard are a sensational acting/writing duo trying to cause a sensation with their romantic-comedy, Nicest Thing.
But since no one wants to make their movie or cast them in anything, they feel it is their duty to harshly judge everyone else’s work based on a sliding scale of rage, bitterness, lesbianism, and lack of any real significant training.
So, due to popular demand — and in honor of YouTube’s new policies allowing 15-minute videos (the limit was ten, originally) — I’m experimenting with making these episodes just a tad bit longer because, you know, why not? That being said, there was still more to say about the movie which I’ve added after the video. You can read it before or after or not at all. It’s up to you! The world is at your fingertips!
Speaking of fingertips, time to pop your popcorn and wrap your girlfriend or otherwise-inclined real-or-imaginary companion in a warm blanket, cuddle up and see what Julie and Brandy thought about The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo starring your girlfriend Lisbeth!
There’s one more point I’d like to add that Julie & Brandy made that there wasn’t room for in the video — they felt like in the Swedish film it didn’t seem like Lisbeth was falling in love with Blomkvist so much as appreciating that someone was being normal to her; like the sex stuff was almost a way of saying “thank you.” Their situation seemed weird and fluid and complicated and Lisbeth seemed way more queer. In David Fincher’s version, they felt hit over the head with “the sanctity of man-love” — like Lisbeth was mega in-love with him. It was like David Fincher wanted to be the hero and help an abused women who feels more secure around other women/piercings to really blossom via the gentle, muscly love of Daniel Craig. Also despite liking David Fincher usually, it seemed like Lisbeth got the short end of the stick here despite being the titular character.
Okay, war criminals, tell them how funny they are!
!!! I WAS HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY THANK YOU SO MUCH
Hands down they should’ve cast Julie for the part of Lisbeth.
YES! I’m so happy they’re back! I’ve missed them :D
I haven’t actually seen this movie yet, but I’m sure I’ll probably think the exact same things that you do.
Julie, you were looking pretty good with that ‘tache.
Thank you, Lord. I’ve needed one of these.
i hereby predict this being the best thing to happen to me all week
ALL HAIL JULIE AND BRANDY!!!!
The Swedish version ruled!!!! Noomi Rapace was amazing as the girl in the Swedish version! That director seemed to understand the characters way better.
“so many holes in my face.”
That’s what she said?
I agree with all the musings…amusing musings! ha!
ESPECIALLY the no damn woman/woman sex vs TONS of woman/man sex, rape, torture, etc.
Also? Her bisexuality was treated as an amusing triviality, instead of the major aspect of her awesomness, which the swedish version did a better job of. (apologies for lousy grammar).
i was completely convinced brandy’s coffee mug was floating of its own accord at 9:44.
and here i thought i was going to have to pirate P90X dvds
but due to the mega-quantities of laughter this vid induced my abs are ready for dinah shore like a decade ahead of schedule
But seriously, where was the lesbian sex in that movie? FAIL X 100.
“I’m gonna give this two fingers, no orgasm.” was hilarious, but I respect the downsized rating.
I dunno…”two fingers, one long nail” better encompassed my shocking disappointment better, I think XD
This was funnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyy. I nearly spit on my screen with the accented “penis/balls/vagina” imitation.
I think reading the AS review and watching this clip is the equivalent of actually seeing the movie.
I love Julie’s accent. So much.
Perfect review! I left the theater with the same opinion. Thumbs up for Poe and Ace of Base in the background music!
Ace of Base! I still know all the words to that song.
I definitely felt that the swedish version was way more true to the characters, and that the relationship in the american version was really sudden and unrealistic. The only thing I disagree with you guys on is that having read the books, the role of Lisbeth really isn’t that big in the first book. It’s way more about the dude (Blomkvist but don’t quote me on the spelling) and his book thingy. Like, her crusades happen in the second and third books, which are way more about her. It didn’t bother me that her role in this movie was so little.
Personally, my biggest quarrel with this movie is that they changed the ending. If you get a minute/a week Julie and Brandy, I’d say read the books. They really are amazing. BUT! There were ponies at the end of the book, and I was looking forward to some damn ponies at the end of this movie.
I think this has surpassed “Sex and the City 2” as my favorite IYBO Episode of All Times. Seriously, so fucking amazing.
Yes yes, I agree with this. It made me snort water up my nose, and the last time that happened was when I read The Real L Word was coming back for another season. Obviously, this was a much more positive experience.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you again!!!! Oh how I’ve missed Brandy’s sarcasm and Julie’s hilarious comedic timing. I have one problem though….STOP MAKING US WAIT SO LONG TO GET OUR FIX OF IN YOUR BOX OFFICE! It really isn’t nice ya know…I’m just sayin…xoxo
I’ve missed Brandy & Julie soooooo much!
Woah, only last night I was telling a friend to watch Jumpin Jack Flash! Did I hallucinate Julie and Brandy mentioning that?
I don’t see the need to keep constantly comparing the Swedish and American versions of the films which, ultimately, are very very very very similar. Why force yourself to pick a Salander when you can have two of them? Noomi on a Monday, Rooney on a Tuesday and on Wednesday BOTH AT ONCE.
Also, I wish you could add finger-retracting addenda to real life.
Happy birthday Sexo!
Loved this by the way
Check out the movie we made Julie and Brandy!
OMG JUST THE OTHER DAY I WAS THINKING I WISH THERE’D BE A NEW JULIE&BRANDY
WHERE ARE THEYYYY
and then this happened
I think I must be the only feminist/lesbian in the world that really enjoyed this movie. Granted, I watched the American movie before reading the book or watching the Swedish film, but now that I’ve consumed all three, I still like the American film most. *shrugs* I felt that the American movie actually focused a lot more on Lisbeth (and possibly gave her more agency) than the book or the Swedish film. She just seemed like she had anger issues in the Swedish film, and while that’s cool for a general character, it really didn’t seem to fit the book. The Swedish film also cut out a lot of things from the book. And maybe I’m just a stupid, easy-to-please American, but I loved the Chekhov’s gun of Anita/Harriet Vanger in the American version. I thought it was a fun and clever twist, to be honest!
YMMV, obviously. I was just thrilled that the female protagonist was the one doing the saving (and much of the solving) for once. My brother and I gushed for half an hour after the movie about how awesome it was that Lisbeth could take care of herself. We couldn’t name another single action or mystery movie in recent memory where a woman got to save the day all by herself. I was a bit disappointed that the book seemed to have less of Lisbeth than the movie, since I had assumed Hollywood had de-feminized it a little. The movie (and book series) obviously has some glaring issues, but it’s so much better than so much of the media I sift through on a daily basis that I give it a little leeway, I guess…
I definitely agree about them not putting the lesbian scene in though. What the fuck??? Maybe it will be included on the director’s cut or something.
No, you’re not. I’m a lesbian and loved the American film also. I did read the books first though. I think the fact that they hadn’t read the books means that they might be less informed about the character and more likely to dislike the American adaptation which (in my opinion) was fantastic and actually more in line with my own vision of Lisbeth’s character. She was bisexual, not a lesbian, and she did have feelings for Mikael (and there’s nothing wrong with that).
I guess I didn’t care that much that there was no lesbian sex (although that would have been nice!!) but did they really have to wake up in their underwear? As if . . . ; )
Having read the book and seeing the movie (Fincher version), and after watching Julie and Brandy; I can honestly say…..the movie should have been a comedy!!! Julie on the bike – priceless. You guys never disappoint. Congrats to you both on joining the Fashion Police writing team; Happy Birthday, Brandy; and you know what they say….if poor old Russ got just a little bit of popcorn at home – he wouldn’t have to go to the movies to get some!
I had the exact same criticisms. I feel like Fincher totally glossed over Lisbeth’s flaws/humanity in order to create a “Hollywood” superhero. May as well have watched a James Bond movie instead.
I’m of Swedish heritage and not a war criminal! But that’s probably because I’m black too, and couldn’t pass for Aryan if I lived in the far north and slept through 6 months of darkness every year. To further digress, I think if Daniel Craig showed up with McDonalds all the time I’d sleep with him, but the love would be for the McGriddles–they put syrup in the bun, people!
This was a brilliant way to start my morning. Julie & Brandy win all the things.
I thought the US version was WAY more honest to the book than the Swedish version was. The narrative stayed closer to the book, and the obnoxious vulnerability and quasi-misogyny-disguised-as-feminism thing were in both the book and the US film.
I actually liked the Swedish film better than the book or the US film. I thought their Lisbeth was stronger, their Mikael was better-cast, and the relationship between those two characters was altogether less sleazy.
My day was made by the fact that I am currently wearing the same shirt as Julie :)
I’ve missed these videos. Hilarious as usual. There’s another movie I didn’t think I would want to see and now know I don’t want to see. Thanks for that!
I love IYBO! Really, don’t make us wait so long. I know you have fancy jobs now, Congrats, but watching a movie and being hilarious probably happens on a weekly/daily basis. And I won’t watch the American version, why mess up what has already been done perfectly?
Does Julie’s shirt have a cat shooting laser beams from its eyes on it?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEXO.!!!! A Haiku For you.
You are Born this day
Jesus got good grades.
Celebrate and eat some shrooms.
Birth is fun today.
Sounds like a little envy involved here?? Little miss rich girl gets to star in a big movie?? Would like to remind you that Ms Mara was nominated by the Foreign Press; but no cigar. If she doesn’t get nominated for an Oscar…..Oh well, I still enjoyed my popcorn!!! I go to movies to be entertained, and I enjoyed this one; however, I thought the torture chamber scene was unnecessary. I also enjoyed your critique — very funny!!! The best part was when you played my telephone message——finally, I got my 15 seconds of fame!! Thanx!!!!!
OF SWEDISH HERITAGE
NOT A WAR CRIMINAL
hello i am back with additional feelings
+BRANDY CHRISTMAS NAILS
+JULIE WITH TEMPORARY NEON FACIAL PIERCINGS JESUS CHRIST
+ PIZZA HUT MICHAEL JACKSON TATTOO
that is all, thank you
I really loved the book and I really loved the American version. I just cannot understand what everyone saw in the Swedish version. The whole movie was accompanied by this horrible suspense music that seemed so cheesy and fake and they tried so hard to make it into a horror film instead of a story about solving a mystery in this really complicated, somewhat slow way. The American movie was just so much truer to the book and the actual events of the story. The music wasn’t really great but it wasn’t as bad as in the Swedish movie.
I loved that they at least tried to include the side characters and the fact that Blomkvist had a relationship with his married co-editor whose husband was just fine with it. I thought that was really cool. And that they included Lisbeth dressing up in a blonde wig and distributing the bond money. I just really liked Lisbeth’s character and how independent she was. As someone said earlier, they gave her a lot of intelligence and agency, which was sweet.
The only thing I wish they would have included that they didn’t is Blomkvist’s weird humor and how it sometimes makes Lisbeth smile even though she never smiles for any other reason. That was so sweet and such a big part of their relationship in the book that I think that would’ve helped make it less weird in the movie.
Okay, I have so many feelings about this, I need to stop. The video was very funny, as usual, even though I don’t agree in this instance. :)
Oh, but also, I completely agree on the lesbian sex stuff. I wish they would have included that instead of just implying it.
How could this not be great when it begins with them double fisting like the champions they are. The name of the movie with the black guys hitting the Harvard sign is “How High.” I have no shame and will admit I own the DVD in case Watchdog ever wants to borrow it. I’ll just be sitting around waiting on an invitation to watch Fashion Police.
Ahahhahahah! This made me laugh out loud.
PS- u can come to a taping of Fashion Police ANYTIME. They always need audience members and we’d love for u to be there. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send u the info.
This made my afternoon!
AHHHH yes, this made my day!!! The Internet makes me so happy :)
THANK YOU now I won’t have to watch the American version and stick to the Swedish one. Why did they even bother making an American version. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE YOURS, USA!! Sometimes I feel like the States think they are the world’s only child.
In fairness the new adaptions aren’t being made by an American company. They are being produced by Japanese company SONY.
everything about this situation makes me so happy!
1. This was hilarious. So good.
2. The fact that Brandy’s dad commented on this made it even better.
3. Happy birthday Brandy!
Happy birthday Brandy! I love you and Julie on here, and on the gay pimpin podcast! This was incredible, but then again that is no surprise because you two are involved with it.
so amazing. fucking pizza hut michael jackson tattoo.
Yay, hilarity! Yay, Brandy’s festive nails! Yay, Ace of Base!
Also, this line, so much: “Oh, I just got butt raped? I’m gonna have a Coke and a smile and a fucking Big Mac.”
There was one scene where Lisbeth was hardcore sleuthing on the Google, and everything in it was all dark and grey-scale, except this super saturated-looking can of Coke. Nicely done, moviemakers. Very subtle on the product placement.
Happy Birthday Brandy!
Thank you for be so funny!
“Have a coke and smile”…no shit. That seen was gross.
Ok, this was great (obvs), but most of all, I just want to know where Julie got that grey blazer with the black lined lapels………WANT.
This is the first video I ever watched of you guys. Brilliant!
The actual original Swedish title translates to “Men who hate women”. I always found the extreme focus on Lisbeth rather odd.
I just wanted to let it be known that this video played a major part in me coming out to my friends, so, um, thank you. /end awkward comment.
At “sometimes a leg and… just a head” Julie’s facial expression almost made me pee myself
Haha, the comment on Norway had me rolling! Just listened to Gay Pimpin’ with Jonny McGovern and the hate just keeps on going. Love it, and I live in this fucking freezing icicle of a country.
There is nothing that makes me more angry then dirty nasty pigs making movies to control the image of “lesbians” in Hollywood (the mainstream box office). First off, she is NOT lesbian she is a bisexual whore exploited by the perversity of the male pigs who authored the film to please the very same filthy male pig species. That is to say, this movie obviously has nothing to do with the lesbian agenda. In conclusion the movie is garbage.
sigh… another Hollywood massacre -_-
The Swedish version is superior…again (sorry).
And we all know what happens to a book or series when it’s crushed into a 2 hr. event?
It actually loses 80% of what made the book so awesome & believable.
Julie & Brandy?
You two, are phenomenal & so funny I nearly choke watching you!
Cheers from AU!
I am from Sweden and I am not a war criminal. Just kidding! BUT! I AM from Switzerland and Swiss Miss and Lederhosen are primarily Swiss, not Swedish.
I Feel blog post, “Autostraddle – VIDEO! Julie & Brandy
In Your Box Office #203: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and Fries” was
in fact just right! I personallycould not see eye to eye with you more!
Finally seems like I actuallydiscovered a website worthy of browsing.
Thanks for the post, Hassan
Before we go any further, you should know that January 19th is Brandy’s birthday, so you all should tell her how pretty she is and be extra nice. Also you should know that when they
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I agree that the Swedish version is by far the best, and perhaps the fact that the entire trilogy was not remade supports this. Happy birthday, and you are all beautiful, regardless of proximity to birthdays.