Lesbian Sex: Your 15 Favorite Ways To Have It

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Click for other stories garnered from the Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey

The number one question outsiders seem to have about lesbian sex is “What is lesbian sex?” So about four years ago, we made you this diagram:

this is a flowchart about how to tell if you've had lesbian sex. just a reminder.

this is a flowchart about how to tell if you’ve had lesbian sex. just a reminder.

But now, ladies and lady gentlemen, we have a much more specific answer for you. The data below has been extracted from our Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey, which was completed by over 13,000 queer women. We asked “Which of these activities has been a regular part of your sex life within the last year?” and had a list of options, in which they could indicate that that is a part of their sex life in a giving and/or receiving capacity. The data below reflects the most popular answers given by lesbian-identified women in relationships (monogamous or non-monogamous).

The Top 15 Lesbian Sex Activities In Order Of Popularity

1. Clitoral Stimulation – 99%

In 1933, Sigmund Freud famously remarked “Elimination of clitoral sexuality is a necessary precondition for the development of femininity, since it is immature and masculine in its nature.” He was dead wrong. In fact, most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Plus, it’s the only human organ that exists exclusively for pleasure!

2. Fingering (genitals, internal) – 97.2%

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Also known as: finger-banging, finger-f*cking and, you know, “f*cking.”

3. Oral sex (genitals) – 95.2%

We also asked readers for their favorite sex act in an open-ended question, and oral sex easily came out on top. Here’s some tips for first-timers.

4. Frottage/dry humping – 79.6%

Teenagers and lesbians: mastering the fine art of dry-humping since the dawn of time.

5. Nipple play – 73.1%

Research has shown that nipple stimulation activates the same region of the brain as clitoral and genital stimulation.

6. Strap-on play – 58.8%

We get a lot of questions from readers about buying a strap-on harness and recommend, if you can afford it, a Spare Parts Joque Harness. Other articles to check out:

Another 22% of y’all indicated that oral sex using a strap-on is a regular part of your sex life.

7. Vibrators – 55.5%

The most famous vibrator is probably the Hitachi Magic Wand, which is not technically a vibrator at all. (But it recently came out with a rechargeable edition you might like!) There are lots of awesome vibrators out there, like The Womanizer, the Iroha Mini Vibe, the We-Vibe Tango, the Rechargeable Rabbit, the Ammo Mei and the Stronic Drei. Couples vibrators are a thing too, like The We-Vibe 4. Fun fact: 49% of survey-takers usually use vibrators while masturbating.

8. Dildos – 55%

There are pros and cons to double-ended dildos and lots of places where your dildo might be illegal. Dildos come in all shapes, styles (like the pack and play), sizes (including “VERY BIG“), and materials — glass, silicone, stainless steel, stone — many designed for stand-alone usage and many designed specifically for being used with a harness. Are you passionate about neon pink? There’s a dildo for that.

9. Spanking – 50%

Among survey-takers who indicated being interested in kink, 58% enjoy spanking their partner and 62% enjoy getting spanked.

10. Scissoring – 34%

What can we say about scissoring that you haven’t already said about scissoring? Very little, honestly. Maybe you should get the t-shirt.

11. Anal play (external) – 31%

20% of lesbians also indicated that they regularly participated in “rimming” (oral anal play).

12. Anal penetration – 25.2%

Anal penetration also was the most frequent sex act cited in our open-ended question “what is your least-favorite sex act?” Even if you’re not into anal, you really should read this review of the Njoy Pure Plug, because it’s hilarious.  If you’re interested in trying anal, we have a post for that.

13. BDSM – 22.2%

The BDSM acronym represents Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. Some of our most popular sex posts have been related to BDSM-related activities, such as Bondage For Beginners, How to Tie Someone UpRead a F*cking Book About BDSMTop Five Ways To Consensually Hit Your Sex Partner and What We Talk About When We Talk About Flogging.

14. Other sex toy play – 22%

Of survey-takers who use sex toys, 47% own four or more of them, 75% purchase them in stores and 64% have purchased sex toys online.

15. Fisting (vaginal) – 18%

Admittedly we were pretty surprised by how low fisting ranked, but here’s five tips for aspirational fisters out there.


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Profile gravatar of Riese

Riese is the 35-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York City and mellowed out in California before returning to Michigan for reasons that are unclear to her now — she is currently plotting her return to the West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2385 articles for us.

53 Comments

  1. 0

    HAhaha more clasic contnet from autostraddle.com aka hillaryclinton.gov/all_lesbians_have_vaginas.

    Seriously* don*t pu*t aster*isks on the word trans* wo*man that*s not how it wor*ks than*k you research something please autostraddle is gross cis

    • 0

      …What? These are responses from a survey, sorted and listed based on the frequency of each response. Each response indicates a sexual act, not all of which necessitate the having of a vagina..? Using vibrators, fingering, anal play, dildos, spanking, and scissoring can all be done by/with someone without a vagina. Are you mad because 99% of the respondents said they like clitoral stimulation..? Because that isn’t actually AS’s fault (as again, these are answers of the respondents) nor is enjoying/mentioning clitoral stimulation transphobic.

      I like the URL though, nice touch.

      • 0

        this is a teachable moment kids:
        learn from the pros! Don’t fight the troll ore you’ll be swept under. Go with the flow, then you’ll resurface in one piece.

        Stay safe

    • 0

      I know there is a lot of furver around this, and I certainly don’t want to speak for any trans women other than myself but I often refer to my genitals with clitoral nomenclature (Because the structures are incredibly similar differing mostly in size and position, I’d point you to a diagram of the internal structure of “female” anatomy but I’m lazy) . I may have thrown off the survey several times over. In general this kind of trolling is usually not productiove

    • 0

      But seriously to all the haters. This isn’t about most of the sex acts being vaginal. It’s about systemic exclusion (or minimum inclusion and the praise you get from self-effacing trans women who have been abused into thinking trans women have male privilege by cisfeminism) of trans women by your lesbian website.

      This article just happened to so not include anything that i do that it became a sort of flashpoint for growing tensions.

      -THE AUTOSTRADDLE TRANSFEMINIST WICCAN COLLECTIVE

    • 0

      Yes they absolutely do! We made a huge error when we put the survey together and didn’t ask survey-takers for the gender of their present partner. Because a lot of non-lesbian-identified women took the survey and answered based on their present relationships with men (this became clear in the open-ended responses), the only way to isolate the numbers to be 100% sure that we were only showing sex acts between women was to narrow it to lesbian-identified women (which includes both cis and trans women, obviously). I assume the numbers would be the same if it included all women in relationships with women, regardless of their orientation, but we have no way to do that because we didn’t ask that one crucial question. Luckily we had such a huge response that the results remained statistically significant even when we narrowed it down like that.

        • 0

          I completely, 100% understand that not all lesbians have vaginas. And I was referring to the first comment on here, sorry for the confusion. I mean, in a world where nobody wants you to talk about having female sex organs, especially when it comes to enjoying sex (especially with other women), I’d like to think that Autostraddle would be a safe place to refer to having a vagina or clitoris when talking about sex without fear of being told to shut up. And this was a survey in which thousands of queer women shared their personal experiences about their own bodies and I don’t like someone coming on here and making them feel bad about it. Anyway, the cussing was due to the fact that I was/am angry about that comment’s attack on this website/community and that I think all lesbian, bisexual, and trans women should be allowed to reference their own body parts using language that feels comfortable to them without being attacked for it.

  2. 0

    Could y’all make a print of some kind of that flow chart and put it in the Straddle store someday?
    Not saying it has to be a 18 x 24 poster, but some thing larger than 8 by 11 would be great. Say oh 11 by 17 maybe?

    It’d make a wonderful learning aid, just saying.

  3. 0

    This is a great article!! I would be curious to know where the straight/Hetero world stood on these things (those that applied, I suppose). Are the numbers similar for straight women?

    • 0

      Somewhere out there are results on a survey or a study even on what counts as sex and orgasm rate to straight people and if I remember correctly it was pretty grim for women.

      But, ooh I’d love to study the kink factor possibly expanding the definition of sex and boosting effective communication in straight people.

  4. 0

    but srsly autostraddle fisting do you want to talk about fisting and how it’s good for the environment and increases your followers on instagram or whatever and like teaches kids to read and seriously, fisting. guys. ydy, but also, maybe nobody ever asked you so you never considered that you want to do that.

    if for nothing else that you can then make the joke that is in that later-season episode of absolutely fabulous where eddie monsoon’s career is tanking and she winds up involved in a lesbian fundraiser called fist across america, and when there are vaguely appropriate moments you cheer,”FIST ACROSS AMERICA!!!!” gf and I do this sometimes.

  5. 0

    There was talk about scissoring on one of these result articles and people talked about tribbing and omggggggggghhgggg thank you for giving us the sex ed classes we were never given as teenagers.

    So many things I like! So much to do! Many feelings. Much happy.

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