How do lesbians have sex? Well, lesbians have sex in many different ways, so we went ahead and asked over 13k+ queer women, “which of these activities has been a regular part of your sex life within the last year?” and now we’ve got the answers. The data below reflects the most popular answers given by lesbian-identified women in relationships (monogamous or non-monogamous).
The Top 15 Lesbian Sex Activities In Order Of Popularity
1. Clitoral Stimulation – 99%
In 1933, Sigmund Freud famously remarked “Elimination of clitoral sexuality is a necessary precondition for the development of femininity, since it is immature and masculine in its nature.” He was dead wrong. In fact, most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Plus, it’s the only human organ that exists exclusively for pleasure! So unsurprisingly, doing stuff to your girlfriend’s clit is a very popular activity.
2. Fingering (genitals, internal) – 97.2%
Also known as: finger-banging, finger-fcking and, you know, “fcking.”
3. Oral sex (genitals) – 95.2%
4. Frottage/dry humping – 79.6%
Teenagers and lesbians: mastering the fine art of dry-humping since the dawn of time.
5. Nipple play – 73.1%
Research has shown that nipple stimulation activates the same region of the brain as clitoral and genital stimulation.
6. Strap-on play – 58.8%
Strap-on sex is very popular amongst lesbians, and we’re got a great guide for how to Have Strap-On Lesbian Sex. We get a lot of questions from readers about buying a strap-on harness and recommend, if you can afford it, a Spare Parts Joque Harness. We’ve got a few guides to strap-on shopping:
- How to Buy a Strap-On Dildo for Lesbian Sex
- How To Buy A Strap-On Harness for Lesbian Sex
- It’s not just cis AFAB people who enjoy strap-on sex though — check out harnesses for trans women if you’re in the market.
Another 22% of y’all indicated that oral sex using a strap-on is a regular part of your sex life.
7. Vibrators – 55.5%
Lots of lesbians use vibrators during sex — for clitoral stimulation, inside a dildo, for penetration, or for mutual masturbation. If you’re buying a vibrator for the first time there can be a lot of intimidating options out there and hard to know which vibrators are the best — and the most famous and beloved vibrator is probably the Hitachi Magic Wand, which is not technically a vibrator at all, and not necessarily the best for partner sex. (Although they recently came out with a rechargeable edition you might like!) The Womanizer has gotten a lot of positive press as well. Couples vibrators are a thing too, like The We-Vibe 4.
Fun fact: 49% of survey-takers usually use vibrators while masturbating.
8. Dildos – 55%
Dildos are most often used with strap-ons, although we didn’t differentiate in the survey which may have led to confusing answers. These are the best dildos according to our lesbian sex experts. There are pros and cons to double-ended dildos . Dildos come in all shapes, styles (like the pack and play), sizes (including “VERY BIG“), and materials — glass, silicone, stainless steel, stone — many designed for stand-alone usage and many designed specifically for being used with a harness.
9. Spanking – 50%
Among survey-takers who indicated being interested in kink, 58% enjoy spanking their partner and 62% enjoy getting spanked. If you’re looking to get into spanking and other impact play, try this handy guide to spanking safely and effectively.
10. Scissoring – 34%
While many have argued that scissoring isn’t a thing, lesbian scissoring is in fact definitely a thing, in so many configurations: full-body scissoring, acrobatic sitting scissoring and classic scissoring. What can we say about scissoring that you haven’t already said about scissoring? Very little, honestly.
11. Anal play (external) – 31%
You can do a lot with your finger besides inserting it all the way into an asshole. 20% of lesbians also indicated that they regularly participated in “rimming” (oral anal play), aka eating ass.
12. Anal penetration – 25.2%
Anal penetration also was the most frequent sex act cited in our open-ended question “what is your least-favorite sex act?” Even if you’re not into anal, you really should read this review of the Njoy Pure Plug, because it’s hilarious. If you’re interested in trying anal, we have a post for how to have lesbian sex: the anal edition.
13. BDSM – 22.2%
The BDSM acronym represents Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. Our Bondage 101 post is a great place to start when looking into starting to tie people up. Some of our most popular sex posts have been related to BDSM-related activities, such as Bondage For Beginners, How to Tie Someone Up, Read a F*cking Book About BDSM, Top Five Ways To Consensually Hit Your Sex Partner and What We Talk About When We Talk About Flogging.
14. Other sex toy play – 22%
Of survey-takers who use sex toys, 47% own four or more of them, 75% purchase them in stores and 64% have purchased sex toys online. Sex toys besides vibrators and dildos include kink-lite gear like nipple clamps, butt plugs,
15. Fisting (vaginal) – 18%
Admittedly we were pretty surprised by how low fisting ranked! If you can take it and have the body parts necessary to do so, I cannot recommend more highly the experience of having or receiving somebody’s entire hand inside you. You can get started with this Lesbian Fisting 101 post, or trying out these five tips for aspirational fisters.
This post was originally written in 2015 based on survey data from 2015 and has been updated in August 2023.