Lesbian Sex: Your 15 Favorite Ways To Have It

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Click for other stories garnered from the Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey

The number one question outsiders seem to have about lesbian sex is “What is lesbian sex?” So about four years ago, we made you this diagram:

this is a flowchart about how to tell if you've had lesbian sex. just a reminder.

this is a flowchart about how to tell if you’ve had lesbian sex. just a reminder.

But now, ladies and lady gentlemen, we have a much more specific answer for you. The data below has been extracted from our Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey, which was completed by over 13,000 queer women. We asked “Which of these activities has been a regular part of your sex life within the last year?” and had a list of options, in which they could indicate that that is a part of their sex life in a giving and/or receiving capacity. The data below reflects the most popular answers given by lesbian-identified women in relationships (monogamous or non-monogamous).

The Top 15 Lesbian Sex Activities In Order Of Popularity

1. Clitoral Stimulation – 99%

In 1933, Sigmund Freud famously remarked “Elimination of clitoral sexuality is a necessary precondition for the development of femininity, since it is immature and masculine in its nature.” He was dead wrong. In fact, most women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Plus, it’s the only human organ that exists exclusively for pleasure!

2. Fingering (genitals, internal) – 97.2%

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Also known as: finger-banging, finger-fcking and, you know, “fcking.”

3. Oral sex (genitals) – 95.2%

We also asked readers for their favorite sex act in an open-ended question, and oral sex easily came out on top. Here’s some tips for first-timers.

4. Frottage/dry humping – 79.6%

Teenagers and lesbians: mastering the fine art of dry-humping since the dawn of time.

5. Nipple play – 73.1%

Research has shown that nipple stimulation activates the same region of the brain as clitoral and genital stimulation.

6. Strap-on play – 58.8%

We get a lot of questions from readers about buying a strap-on harness and recommend, if you can afford it, a Spare Parts Joque Harness. Other articles to check out:

Another 22% of y’all indicated that oral sex using a strap-on is a regular part of your sex life.

7. Vibrators – 55.5%

The most famous vibrator is probably the Hitachi Magic Wand, which is not technically a vibrator at all. (But it recently came out with a rechargeable edition you might like!) There are lots of awesome vibrators out there, like The Womanizer, the Iroha Mini Vibe, the We-Vibe Tango, the Rechargeable Rabbit, the Ammo Mei and the Stronic Drei. Couples vibrators are a thing too, like The We-Vibe 4. Fun fact: 49% of survey-takers usually use vibrators while masturbating.

8. Dildos – 55%

There are pros and cons to double-ended dildos and lots of places where your dildo might be illegal. Dildos come in all shapes, styles (like the pack and play), sizes (including “VERY BIG“), and materials — glass, silicone, stainless steel, stone — many designed for stand-alone usage and many designed specifically for being used with a harness. Are you passionate about neon pink? There’s a dildo for that.

9. Spanking – 50%

Among survey-takers who indicated being interested in kink, 58% enjoy spanking their partner and 62% enjoy getting spanked.

10. Scissoring – 34%

What can we say about scissoring that you haven’t already said about scissoring? Very little, honestly. Maybe you should get the t-shirt.

11. Anal play (external) – 31%

20% of lesbians also indicated that they regularly participated in “rimming” (oral anal play).

12. Anal penetration – 25.2%

Anal penetration also was the most frequent sex act cited in our open-ended question “what is your least-favorite sex act?” Even if you’re not into anal, you really should read this review of the Njoy Pure Plug, because it’s hilarious.  If you’re interested in trying anal, we have a post for that.

13. BDSM – 22.2%

The BDSM acronym represents Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission and Sadism & Masochism. Some of our most popular sex posts have been related to BDSM-related activities, such as Bondage For Beginners, How to Tie Someone UpRead a F*cking Book About BDSMTop Five Ways To Consensually Hit Your Sex Partner and What We Talk About When We Talk About Flogging.

14. Other sex toy play – 22%

Of survey-takers who use sex toys, 47% own four or more of them, 75% purchase them in stores and 64% have purchased sex toys online.

15. Fisting (vaginal) – 18%

Admittedly we were pretty surprised by how low fisting ranked, but here’s five tips for aspirational fisters out there.


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Riese is the 36-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2538 articles for us.