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The Ultimatum: Queer Love’s Bridget Matloff on What the Cameras Didn’t Show You

Bridget Matloff speaks on friendship with Gabby Windey, pressures of reality TV, thoughts on marriage, gender roles, and yes, haircare.

Gabrielle Grace Hogan

Sep 8, 2025

Nico holding pepperspray

FIRST PERSON

I Was Already Afraid of My Inbox. Then a Death Threat Came

The deadline for my compliance with the “blackmail” had already passed. It was supposed to…

Nico

—

Aug 13, 2025

The Parlour image of rural Oklahoma

FIRST PERSON

On Being a Masc Top From Rural Oklahoma

You’ve fucked every lesbian sorority girl in Oklahoma, someone tells me on an app. Well,…

Anonymous

—

Jul 23, 2025

baby breastfeeding

PARENTING & FAMILY

A Breastfeeding Journey Of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Baby Step

“I woke up feeling like someone had run me over with a truck and I…

Riese

—

Jul 10, 2025

Nico holding pepperspray

first person

I Was Already Afraid of My Inbox. Then a Death Threat Came

The deadline for my compliance with the “blackmail” had already passed. It was supposed to be noon.

Nico

—

Aug 13, 2025

The Parlour image of rural Oklahoma

first person

On Being a Masc Top From Rural Oklahoma

You’ve fucked every lesbian sorority girl in Oklahoma, someone tells me on an app. Well, I said. Probably not all of them, right?

Anonymous

—

Jul 23, 2025

baby breastfeeding

parenting & family

A Breastfeeding Journey Of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Baby Step

“I woke up feeling like someone had run me over with a truck and I thought, “I guess this is motherhood.” And probably would’ve died thinking that.”

Riese

—

Jul 10, 2025

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My Newly Engaged Straight Best Friend Is Being Gay Towards Me

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A+ Crossword Is Celebrating a Few Days Early

My therapist suggested I was incapable of describing my feelings.

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A+ Crossword Is a Sign of Things To Come

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escaped from the zoo?

Rebecca Goldstein

—

Sep 30, 2023

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af+

Autostraddle Insider Issue #104: Goodbye Heather Edition

Heather knows, she knows, how to connect with people through stories and writing, she knows how to make you feel seen, buoyed, valued, special, important, remarkable.

Riese and The Editors

—

Sep 27, 2023

a collage of elements with "anonymous sex diaries" written over it. the elements are a bisexual pride flag, mycelium, butt plugs, a leather harness, black velvet cloth, and a person's leg showing fishnets and combat boots

af+

Anonymous Sex Diary: Happy Bisexual Awareness Week

“My friend in the red shirt says that she thinks you’re really attractive.” A bisexual takes us through a week of polyamorous dating, sex and a little bit of drama.

Guest

—

Sep 23, 2023

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A+ Crossword Is a Little Gem Too

Did you hear the joke about experiencing déjà vu?

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Sep 23, 2023

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A+ Crossword Can Name All Five Spice Girls

My credit card company keeps sending me compliments in the mail.

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Sep 16, 2023

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A+ Crossword Likes to Go Down (And Across)

When does a joke become a dad joke?

Rachel

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Sep 9, 2023

Kylo, a Black trans masc person, appears holding their dog in triplicate against a purple A+ background

af+

Member Meet and Greet With Our New CEO Kylo Freeman: Transcript and Recording

Thank you for being members!

The Editors

—

Sep 8, 2023

straddleverse

Straddleverse

You’ve Gotta Get Your Hands on the Second Issue of Our Queer Print Magazine

This season's hottest holiday gift — for yourself or the best queers you know — is queer media you can hold…

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya and Riese

Dec 11, 2025

AF+

On Being a Masc Top From Rural Oklahoma

Anonymous

Jul 23, 2025

First Person

The Sex of the Game

Mac Crane

May 15, 2025

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AF+ Advice Box

College Wasn’t the Queer Utopia I’d Expected and Now I’m Lost

College was lonely, and you ended up dropping out — how can you make a better choice next time? Also: a reader wants to know when in the dating process to disclose a desire for children.

Af+

legs crossed

af+

Is It Biphobic To Swear Off Dating Bisexuals?

A reader feels consistently “stung” by women who date men after dating her. Another needs help deciphering an ambiguous situation with someone they’re super interested in.

Af+

girl kissing ear

af+

She Wants an Open Relationship — and I Think I Know Why

She wants an open relationship and you’re worried that she’s just not that into you anymore. Also; a reader struggling to get over a tumultuous previous marriage and move on from trying to get that girl back.

Af+

collage for wanting to rekindle a sex life

af+

My Newly Engaged Straight Best Friend Is Being Gay Towards Me

Should you ask your best friend to stop flirting so hard with you? Also; a reader struggling to find something serious.

Af+

friend giving her friend flowers

af+

Need Advice? Got a Tip? Talk Queer to Us

Hit up our members-only inbox if you need advice or have tips or questions for our team!

Undressed

heart with a happy couple inside it

The Trans Brooklyn Dykes With a Significant Height Difference Who Enjoy Twilight Cosplay

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Sex/Life

The Formerly Poly Fortysomethings Who U-Hauled Into The Best, Wettest Sex Of Their Lives

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Sex/Life

The Married New Englanders Debating an Erotic Tattoo Gun Situation

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Sex/Life

The Slut4Slut Couple F*cking Through a “Wanna Try” List

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Sex/Life

Read More

lesbian bed death images

What If All My Lesbian Bed Death Means I’m Not A Lesbian?

the team

May 21, 2026

Gigi, a 35 year old Black woman wearing a pink pantsuit, with a gray-flecked afro, kisses Indigo, a younger, shorter, Black woman in her early 20's with dark brown skin, golden-brown waist-length braids. They kiss as bossa nova music, indicated by illustrated floating music notes, plays in the background.

S L I C K: Read Me

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Tiara Dee

S L I C K: Thank You, Mistress

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Leo Wilder

S L I C K: Sharing the Moon

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Autumn "Howdy" Fourkiller

S L I C K: Dream a Little Dream

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Sonia

Read More

Baby Steps

Read More Baby Steps

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A Breastfeeding Journey Of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Baby Step

Riese

Jul 10, 2025
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I Regret To Inform You That Our Baby Will Be Throwing Up On Your Shirt

Riese

May 1, 2025
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Our Birth Story Has Severe Features

Riese

Apr 8, 2025
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The Best Laid Birth Plans

Riese

Feb 5, 2025
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Fixing the Window

Riese

Jan 22, 2025
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And I Feel God At This Baby Shower Tonight

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Jan 8, 2025
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Allegedly Essential Baby Products, Looking for Gays On The Baby App and Surveillance Anxiety

Riese

Dec 17, 2024
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Telling Chosen Family, Bonding With Heterosexuals and a Lot of Dog Feelings

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Dec 3, 2024
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How We Got Gay Pregnant

Riese

Nov 19, 2024

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A Breastfeeding Journey Of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Baby Step

Riese

Jul 10, 2025
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I Regret To Inform You That Our Baby Will Be Throwing Up On Your Shirt

Riese

May 1, 2025
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Our Birth Story Has Severe Features

Riese

Apr 8, 2025
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The Best Laid Birth Plans

Riese

Feb 5, 2025
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Fixing the Window

Riese

Jan 22, 2025
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And I Feel God At This Baby Shower Tonight

Riese

Jan 8, 2025
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Allegedly Essential Baby Products, Looking for Gays On The Baby App and Surveillance Anxiety

Riese

Dec 17, 2024
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Telling Chosen Family, Bonding With Heterosexuals and a Lot of Dog Feelings

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Dec 3, 2024
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How We Got Gay Pregnant

Riese

Nov 19, 2024

AF+ Interviews

Read More AF+ Conversations

TV FEATURE

The Ultimatum: Queer Love’s Bridget Matloff on What the Cameras Didn’t Show You

Bridget Matloff speaks on friendship with Gabby Windey, pressures of reality TV, thoughts on marriage,…

Gabrielle Grace Hogan

—

Sep 8, 2025
GENDER

I Treat My Wife Like a Barbie Doll and She Likes It

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya and Kristen Arnett discuss the sliding scale of gender expression and how…

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya and Kristen Arnett

—

Jul 8, 2025
TV FEATURE

Mal Wright Didn’t Want To Be Your Favorite ‘Ultimatum: Queer Love’ Cast Member

In anticipation of the Season Two premiere, Mal tells us everything about how The Ultimatum:…

Riese

—

Jun 24, 2025
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Working Girls: Luxury Escort Charlie Levine on the Rise of Women Clients In Sex Work

“Women are so socialized — successfully or not — to be objects of desire, not subjects…

Riese

—

May 15, 2025
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How We Got Gay Pregnant

My wife and I are having a baby and this is the first edition of…

Riese

—

Nov 19, 2024
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Marni

“Even though we broke up for all the reasons, then you see the person you…

Riese

—

Dec 16, 2016
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: MA

“Rather than the ‘Irish goodbye’ where you slip out without telling anyone the ‘lesbian goodbye’…

Erin

—

Aug 4, 2016
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Interview With My Ex: Holden

“I know what miss most about you. It’s how much I could talk to you.”

Ari

—

Jan 25, 2016
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Mila

“I sent you a text overnight like, “I know this has been really hard but…

Stef

—

Aug 10, 2015
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Gal Pal Chronicles: Rachel and Lizz Have Been Obsessed With Each Other Since Roughly 2008

Rachel: “The writing & philosophy class I was required to take freshman year mostly sucked.…

Rachel

—

Aug 4, 2015
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Jen

“I have a very vivid memory of this one particular time. I don’t know if…

Kristin

—

Mar 16, 2015
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Allison Weiss

The moment I stepped out of the moving truck and saw you, I was like:…

Dannielle

—

Mar 4, 2015
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: El

“I also had a really weird relationship with sex until very recently because, I don’t…

Dannielle

—

Jan 5, 2015
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Laura

“Welp, I just came out! And everything sucks! I don’t know how I’m feeling! Let’s…

gabby

—

Dec 3, 2014
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Becky

“That’s another thing I don’t miss about you: how you’ll interrupt strangers on the street…

Heather Hogan

—

Oct 30, 2014
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Meg

Grace: It’s fine. Meg: It’s fine, everything’s fine, this is normal.

Intern Grace

—

Aug 27, 2014
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Interview With My Ex-Girlfriend: Alex

“Do you know what we were arguing over? Free food at the event we had…

Riese

—

Aug 1, 2014

Read More AF+ Conversations

AF+ Personal Essays

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FIRST PERSON

On Being a Masc Top From Rural Oklahoma

You’ve fucked every lesbian sorority girl in Oklahoma, someone tells me on an app. Well,…

Anonymous

—

Jul 23, 2025
AF+

I Am Not Lorelai Gilmore But I Also Kind of Am

“Suddenly I was pregnant. And then I was a dropout. And then I was a…

Kristen Arnett

—

Sep 25, 2024
AF+

The Eras of My Bisexuality

She was the straight, white, Christian girl who was so picture perfect no one could…

Em Win

—

Jan 8, 2024
AF+

Shame as a Black, Autistic Queer Elder

“Toward the end of our stay in Mississippi, a 24-hour crisis line started up. I…

Gloria Jackson-Nefertiti

—

Dec 31, 2023
AF+

Apparently, Shame Tastes Like My Cunt

“The other partners I had throughout much of my time in sex work were uncomfortable…

Romy Blue

—

Dec 30, 2023
AF+

“Too Queer, Too Smart” for Abuse

“They didn’t hit me. They didn’t throw me. They didn’t throw the phones, the glasses,…

Holly

—

Dec 26, 2023
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Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area

“My wife and son didn’t know; no one knew. The guilt crept up when I…

Irene Keliher

—

Dec 20, 2023
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Not Grateful Enough

“Thank you for pushing me down a ramp so quickly that I slammed into a…

Katie

—

Dec 15, 2023
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What If It’s a Woman?

“We spoke up. Hell, this was post-#MeToo era. We were heroes. I was… a hero.…

Reed Motti

—

Dec 14, 2023
AF+

Becoming Myself Post-Divorce Through Drag

“Po’Chop asks us to list adjectives we associate with masculinity. I think of men I…

Lindsay Eanet

—

Nov 27, 2023
AF+

Love In A Sinking City: A Queer Timeline

“Today I am 28. It is 2023. In Nigeria, it is illegal to do the…

Machi

—

Nov 21, 2023
AF+

In The Movie Depicting My Childhood

“Legislators pass laws enabling families to control children and defund social services that support them,…

Stacy Grover

—

Nov 16, 2023
AF+

The Flood Came Later

“I’ve always loved the water. Before top surgery, when my discomfort with my body was…

Jude Little

—

Nov 15, 2023
AF+

Running Away, Running Home: A Bipolar Queer’s Path to Family

“I drove so fast away from her, that house, that man, that job, those lost…

Em Win

—

Nov 9, 2023
AF+

The Price of Perfectionism: Chronic Illness, Unemployment, and Starting Over

“I could start a Youtube channel or a blog about disability rights and monetize it.…

Katie

—

Nov 8, 2023
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I’ll Never Walk Away: Writing About Motherhood From Imperfect Circumstances

“In the summer of 2021, right after a trip to visit him and my mom,…

Sa'iyda Shabazz

—

Aug 29, 2023
AF+

How Art Modeling Carried Me Through an Abusive Relationship

“I wanted to be a landscape or a place that couldn’t be contained.”

Lexie Bean

—

Nov 10, 2022
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Is There Life After High School?

“I wanted to have nightmares about monsters or mass shootings. It was too embarrassing —…

Drew Burnett Gregory

—

Sep 8, 2022
AF+

It Could Be Anything

“I don’t know when the bear thought came to me. I wish I had a…

danijanae

—

Aug 2, 2022
AF+

Between Orbits: Two Manipulators, Pulled Out of Abuse and Back

Or, the queer urge to almost form a cult with a straight woman.

Nico

—

Apr 20, 2022
$A collage artwork featuring a central woman seen from the back wearing a vibrantly patterned dress with Tiger motifs and with her long hair braided with pink fabric. Her skin is a medium beige. Behind her are several swatches of fabric in various colors, each with percentages and fractions pointing at them such as 1/16.$

AF+

I Was Supposed To Be Good At Math

For a split second, I thought about her racial calculations, not because I felt I…

Em Win

—

Mar 11, 2022
AF+

By Fighting Gender Expectations, My Mother Made Room for Me to Be Myself

“I faced the difficult truth that, despite it getting me through so much, “Black womanhood”…

Amari Gaiter

—

Feb 23, 2022
AF+

The Happiest Place On Earth

“I was guilty and heartbroken and I wasn’t ready to let go of her: my…

Yvonne

—

Jun 28, 2021
AF+

Lying’s the Most Fun a Girl Can Have

“I identified as a heterosexually-inclined bisexual when I started giving hand jobs for money, and…

Riese

—

Jun 21, 2021
AF+

This Never Happened

On family, memory, scar tissue, a 1999 Red Sox game, unreliable narrators, and setting the…

Rachel

—

Jun 18, 2021
AF+

For My Own Pleasure: Hiring a Sex Worker as a Queer Woman

“She kisses me. I hold on to her arms lightly, not wanting to hurt her,…

Creatrix Tiara

—

Jul 24, 2018
AF+

A Guide To Falling In Love For Hopeless Fools Who Can’t Read Maps

“You’re at a party; you’re on vacation; it’s your lunch break. You feel good, or…

Adrian

—

Dec 29, 2016
AF+

Things Men Tell You When They Think You’re One of Them

“It was a predatory smile that he flashed at us, the rest of his pack,…

Mey

—

Sep 8, 2016
AF+

The Absolute Worst Thing A Boy Could Ever Be

Grieving a friend lost to suicide in childhood, the effects of harmful compulsory masculinity, and…

Mey

—

Aug 1, 2016
AF+

Say My Name, Mey’s My Name Pt. II: Independent (Legally a) Woman

“As I write about my name now, I feel strength, and contentment and comfort and…

Mey

—

Feb 29, 2016

Read More AF+ Essays