When I was trying to figure out my wardrobe after coming out, there was one thing I was very firmly against: cargo shorts. As a femme presenting person, I perceived cargo shorts as something that only mascs and dads at Costco wore. I had never seen cargo shorts presented in a feminine way that appealed to my sensibilities. Shorts have always been tricky for me — I have long legs and so usually shorts were too too short. I went through a long period of time where I didn’t even wear shorts because I couldn’t find styles that felt comfortable and flattering.
My wife is a big fan of cargo shorts. But she dresses like a Costco Dad, so this isn’t a surprise to me. It wasn’t until we got together that I started to understand the appeal of the cargo short. They are definitely useful! She had multiple pockets, which was great for me. Women’s shorts are not well known for having useful pockets. My phone wouldn’t even fit in the back pocket of the tiny high-waisted shorts I preferred, or they dragged down the pockets of the thin shorts I would throw on to run errands. But my wife’s cargo shorts could hold both of our phones and keys. I can’t say I wasn’t intrigued by the idea of having such useful pants.
Two summers ago, I decided to give cargo shorts a try. I was worried, because trying to find cargo shorts that were cut for my body was hard. My wife wears men’s shorts and always complains about the way they fit over her hips and butt. My butt is one of my favorite features, so I didn’t want to hide it with men’s pants. When I started looking, I kept finding that a lot of cargo shorts were more for function than for fashion. I didn’t need shorts that I could wear hiking, I just wanted cargo shorts that looked cute and eliminated the need for me to carry a purse if I was running to the store. Eventually, I found a pair that looked like they would fit my hips, thighs and butt well and had the kinds of pockets that I needed.
Wow, what a game changer! I couldn’t believe that I slept on cargo shorts for so long. They were so comfortable and had an inseam that wasn’t too long or too short. More importantly, I found ways to fit them into my femme aesthetic. Most days I just go full dyke and wear them with a tee shirt and Toms, but I will also pair them with a cute floral top and ballet flats. They’re great for trips to the pool and pair really well with a bikini top. If you’re a femme like me who is afraid of cargo shorts, well you’re in luck. Shop these cargo shorts this summer! (If you’re curious about how men’s cargo shorts fit, I also included a couple pairs!) I promise you will become a cargo short convert.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Sa'iyda is a writer and mom who lives in LA with her partner, son and 3 adorable, albeit very extra animals. She has yet to meet a chocolate chip cookie she doesn't like, spends her free time (lol) reading as many queer romances as she can, and has spent the better part of her life obsessed with late 90s pop culture.
Like so many of the great ranked list ideas that exist in our society, the idea for this one came from a tweet I sent off in the middle of putting my Spotify playlists — I know, I’m sorry I haven’t switched over to something else yet! — on shuffle and just letting it go off for about two hours while I was “doing work” on teacher planning day. The tweet in question said: “I’m not a woman except for the four minutes and five seconds Shania Twain’s ‘Any Man of Mine’ comes up on shuffle like three or four times a week. Y’all wouldn’t get it.”
Turns out, it did resonate with some non-binary people I know. Personally, I identify as “genderless,” which kind of puts me in a nebulous spot in the world of identification and identity politics. I never actually feel like a woman. I never have. And I don’t feel like a man either, though I do spend most of my time around with a small gang of cis men who consider me their “brother.” Gender, to me, has very little bearing on who I am as a person, so I stopped trying to figure it all out a long time ago. But it was funny and interesting that so many people felt the same feelings about that particular song.
I’m a curious person so, of course, I started trying to figure out why we all felt this way. And the truth is, I’m not really sure. But I think it comes down to this: There are just some songs and pieces of media where the girlies are so far in their bag, I want to be in their bag with them even though I technically never have been and can’t possibly be now. When a song or a piece of art hits so hard, it’s just fun to imagine yourself as the narrator instead of trying to force yourself to universalize it to fit your own experiences. And sometimes, that just doesn’t make sense anyways. Sometimes, the world of that song or film or whatever else is fun to live in without anything else being tacked onto it.
As I was thinking about this later and once again living in the moment of Spotify shuffle, so many other songs came to my mind that could easily replace Shania’s in the text of that tweet. I started collecting them in a playlist called “make me a woman” and thought it’d be fun to rank them from “will bring that girly tingle” to “full blown womanhood feelings.”
“Boy” by Book of Love
Book of Love so often feels like one of the forgotten 1980s synthpop bands. I know for sure they still have a ton of fans, but unfortunately, I never meet any of them out in the world. “Boy” was their debut single, which feels pretty brave considering the subject matter. I guess a case could be made that this song, taken out of context, could be an anthem for people like me, but why would I want to take it out of context when it’s so important to the overall atmosphere of the song? It’s been said that “Boy” is about a woman who’s in love with a gay man and is frustrated by the fact that she’s a woman. Although the song is short, it’s packed with so much heartbroken female angst that’s hard to deny.
“What It Feels Like For a Girl” by Madonna
I’m of the opinion that Music is one of the great Madonna albums, and this was one of the underrated singles from that album. Put simply, the song about the frustrations with the limitations society puts on the roles of women. And sure, I’m not completely unfamiliar with those limitations but I’ve spent my whole life mostly ignoring them when it comes to my own personhood. So no, I don’t really know what it feels like for a girl, but I can certainly get more of a sense of it when I throw this on.
“Bathwater” by No Doubt
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Just A Girl” is a more fitting choice for a list like this, but if I’m being honest, I think Madonna took on that particular subject matter a little better. “Bathwater” does something completely different. It begs. It begs and it pleads in a way that only a woman who has been loved then used then thrown out for another woman can: “So why do we choose the boys that are naughty / I don’t fit in so why do you want me / And I know I can’t tame you, but I just keep trying.” That’s why it’s on this list.
“Da Baddest Bitch” by Trina
I’m from South Florida, so I’m actually legally obligated to love Trina but luckily for me, I actually do really love her. “Da Baddest Bitch” was the lead single from her debut album, also titled Da Baddest Bitch. This would come on the radio (edited, unfortunately) when I was a preteen, and I just remember thinking, “Damn, she doesn’t give a shit.” And I still get that feeling to this day. I’ll admit, living in the world of this song is a little different than the others on this list, but man, it gets me so hyped up. In the second verse, Trina raps, “See, if I’m ever crossed or ever caught up in the cross, and if it’s your fault, hoe, I’m going off” and you know what? I feel that.
“You’re Not The Man” by Sade
This is arguably one of the most neglected Sade tracks in her entire discography, and I’m not sure why. “You’re Not The Man” is addressing a similar situation as “Bathwater” but in an entirely different way. Instead of trying to get the titular “man” in the song to understand why the narrator loves him so much, Sade’s woman basically tells him he turned out to be a giant loser. At the end, she sings, “But don’t get me wrong / Although it seems sad / It’s not all bad / You see / I’m not the little girl I used to be,” and yes, I do belt that part out along with her.
“Pretty Baby” by Sister Sledge
I got my love of disco from my dad who, in the 1970s and 80s, was one of those slicked-back hair disco guidos with shiny shirts and an almost unbelievable sense of rhythm. He listens to a little less disco these days, but I feel like I’ve kind of taken up the torch for him on that front. “Pretty Baby” is one of the songs I can’t imagine people not absolutely loving. There’s so much to love about it! But in the end, the song is quite clearly about a mother’s love and hope for her daughter. Relationships between mothers and daughters are some of the most valued relationships in our society. And it’s not that I believe that’s true or right, it’s just that this song really gets to the heart of what that experience is like.
“She Wolf” by Shakira
One of the big bops of our time. A song about a woman who knows what she wants and is going to get it even if she has to turn into a terrifying monster to do it. I really don’t think this needs any further explanation beyond that.
“Promiscuous” by Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland
There was a time in my life when a good friend of mine and I would randomly text each other the lyrics of this song because we discovered early in our friendship that we were both obsessed with it. I know there’s been tons of talk about the problematic nature of this song, but are y’all really telling me you don’t vibe to this the minute the beat drops? I simply can’t believe it. For all the hand wringing about the lyrics of this song, at its core, the female narrator has the upper hand here. When Timbaland raps, “I want you on my team,” Furtado replies, “So does everybody else.” Power! She’s got that boy wrapped around her finger!
“Are You That Somebody” by Aaliyah
Feels like a good time to drop some Stef Rubino lore here. At 12 years old, there was no one on this Earth I loved more than Aaliyah. She was really everything, wasn’t she? When news of her tragic death was blasted all over MTV News on August 25, 2001, I cried for four days straight. “Are You That Somebody” was her biggest single, and in a lot of ways, I guess it still is. What earns this song a spot on this list is that it’s very obviously about the anxiety a famous woman feels about the possibility of engaging in an intimate relationship with a man she’s not entirely sure she can trust. And it rules.
“Who’s That Girl?” by Eve
Eve’s arrival on the hip hop scene was of mythic proportions. She was the first female — aptly titled, the First Lady — member of the Ruff Ryders, a group of rappers that included DMX, Jadakiss, and The Lox, among a few others. Being the only woman in the group, she had to hold her own, and she certainly did, especially on her second album, Scorpion, of which “Who’s That Girl?” was the lead single. Although her first album was received well by critics, it didn’t give her the same gravitas on the scene as she wanted (and deserved) so I think there was some push to make sure she’d get it the second time around. “Who’s That Girl?” came out of the gate so hot with lyrics that point directly towards this: “Power moves is made everyday by this thorough bitch / I’ma get this bank anyway that I do this shit / I was born to shine, and most of y’all’s borderline bullshit.” By the end of it, you’re left with the story of a woman who’s determined to make it no matter what.
“Your Woman” by White Town
This is the one and only song written and sung by a man on this list, but it really is a complicated little mess of a song. I’m going to keep this short, but the truth is, I could write a thesis-length piece about the gender-fuckery of this song and all of the various interpretations of it. You can view it as the heartsick pleas of a man who’s in love with a lesbian, or similarly, the pleas of gay man who’s in love with a straight man, or in a myriad of other ways that I’m not listing here right now. When it comes down to it, though, the narrator of the song is positioning himself as a woman who’s been mistreated by some asshole who was never good for her anyways: “Just use me up and then you walk away / Boy, you can’t play me that way / Well I guess what you say is true / I could never be the right kind of girl for you.”
“Any Man of Mine” by Shania Twain
The song that inspired this whole examination. You could easily say that Shania Twain is the champion of writing music not just about the experience of being a woman but also of writing music that is clearly for the ladies. This was a giant hit for Twain in the 1990s, and it still goes SO. DAMN. HARD. And I think it falls into the latter category that I just mentioned. The song follows the narration of a woman who is quite literally listing the characteristics that “any man” who expects to be loved by her better have, and it’s easy to see how empowering this might have been for the generation of women who grew up with it. For the four minute and five second run time of the song, it’s also easy to belt out the woman’s demands and become her.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Stef Rubino is a writer, community organizer, and student of abolition from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. They teach Literature and writing to high schoolers and to people who are currently incarcerated, and they’re the fat half of the arts and culture podcast Fat Guy, Jacked Guy. You can find them on Twitter (unfortunately).
“Your Woman” has gained new life in my mind because the writer/artist, Jyoti, is an interesting individual to follow on the fediverse. And indeed is sufficiently queer/gender-fucky to support any interpretation of that song.
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Okay I love Any Man of Mine, but Shania’s Man I Feel Like A Woman is the song that belongs on the top of this list for me!
Dear AF+ member! If you have any ideas, please send me more suggestions for bad jokes that I can use in this space!
-Rachel, Your Crossword Editor...
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Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
The annual GLAAD media report came out and guess what — LGBT characters are getting cancelled left and right! Unfortunately, that’s not enough for some homophobes who still think there’s just too many queer people on TV. Riese rounded up a few of their comments, just so you can have a good laugh. Velma has returned for its second season, which is less problematic, but somehow that made it even worse? Tonight you can watch the latest teen comedy Prom Dates on Hulu, which tries very hard to be Superbad for queer girls. Queer indie darling I Saw the TV Glow has started its rollout into theaters, so its a great time to revisit Drew’s review. She also interviewed Brigette Lundy-Paine, who stars in the film, on what it means to make their own kind of trans art. Last but not least, did you hear that Kristen Stewart is returning to her roots and making another vampire movie? But what Kayla really needs to know is: WILL THERE BE BASEBALL??
It’s May and that means we have your streaming guide!! Riese has lovingly put together everything that you can find this month on your various platforms. Speaking of Riese, we have some BIG NEWS which is that we’re debuting some brand new newsletters this month for AF+ members including one about TV from me and one about film from Drew and if you wanna get on those lists, you can do so right here.
Notes from the TV Team:
+ Yasuda and Helm are still fighting on Grey’s Anatomy (well, Helm is trying to apologize. Yasuda isn’t yet ready to forgive her for blocking Yasuda from a great case to force her instead to work the pitch. This all happened before the hiatus, you’re forgiven if you don’t remember). But once the show gives them anything significant to do beyond sharing a quick line together at the top and end of the episode, you can bet I’ll be all over it! — Carmen
+ I’m a little dismayed to report that Rasika Venkatesa’s run in the Top Chef competition is officially over, as she lost her first match-up in Last Chance Kitchen. To go from winning all those early challenges to being out entirely after two back-to-back losses… it’s quite the emotional rollercoaster. I hope that this isn’t the last we’ll hear of Rasika…or, at the very least, that I’ll one day get to enjoy her food. — Natalie
+ There was a really cute baby gay storyline on Alert: Missing Persons Unit a few weeks ago, and one of the gay teens is back this week! She was kind of given the advice to put her head down and power through the homophobic school she was sent to, which isn’t ideal, but she did help them solve a case so I’m hoping our little Nancy Drew will stick around for a while. — Valerie Anne
Station 19 Episode 706: “With So Little to Be Sure Of”
Before anyone gets mad at me, please know that I love Station 19. I have been covering the show for its entirety, I was the one that first broke the news to Autostraddle readers that Maya was bisexual way back when. I love Carina DeLuca. Captain Olympian Bisexual and Doctor Orgasm are, as far as I am concerned, an all time GOAT of Shondaland couples. And in terms of queer couples, they are near the front of those history books in my mind — someplace riiiight behind Calzona, but most certainly ahead of every other contender in the pack. I don’t usually lay all that out there, but I felt like I needed to today, because I want anyone reading this to know that my disappointment comes from a place of deep love.
What on earth is going on here??? Last season the Station 19 writers gave Danielle Savre and Stefania Spampinato some of their best work to date, between Maya’s mental health crisis, and Carina’s difficult but necessary boundary setting, and both of them finding their way back to each other through it all. It was gorgeous, brave, unflinching. But this season, Station 19’s last, at a time when I would expect the writing to pull out all the stops… it feels like instead, Maya and Carina have completely stalled.
I’ve had my critiques of how Station 19 has approached its pregnancy storylines for Maya and Carina in the past, so perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise that I found myself frustrated that last night, during one of the better episodes of the season, a really painful look at homelessness and veterans care, Maya and Carina found themselves on the sidelines of the action. But believe me, when Season Seven premiered, I was onboard for the addition of Baby Liam into their little family! If this is going to be Station 19’s last season, I want for Maya and Carina to have their happy ending. I had just hoped that babies and family planning wouldn’t be the only thing they talked about.
In last night’s flashback-heavy episode, Vic, Sullivan, and Herrera worked through the intricacies of what support for our unhoused neighbors truly looks like, and the limitations of their roles in the field. Meanwhile, Maya and Carina sat at Joe’s Bar perfectly boring and cute, nuzzling noses and dreaming of their future baby. When it turns out that Ben Warren is on testosterone to help with his strengthening on the job as he gets older and recovers from injury, we are treated to an epic-level Danielle Savre meltdown about the effects of her pre-IVF estrogen shots. It’s not that Savre didn’t do a magnificent job hitting all the drama and humor of Maya’s notes, it’s that I couldn’t shake the feeling that we’ve been here before.
Maya and Carina have been trying to have a baby since Season Five, immediately following their wedding. It’s been two years of going around and around on this. And of course having a baby as a queer couple in real life takes years and years of careful planning and heartbreak and trying again — but on television that level of repetition can become.. well.. stagnant.
All is not lost! Preview’s for next week’s episode indicate that we’re going to be returning to Maya’s brother, Mason, who is also unhoused and has some mental health difficulties (we also seemingly saw Mason earlier this season, during Station 19’s Pride episode, where he had joined a group of white supremacist and homophobic agitators). I’m hopeful that one day we’ll return to the storyline of Carina being sued by her patient. I’m really hopeful that we’re going to get a few more hot sex scenes before the fire soap’s final bow in a few weeks.
But for now, it’s hard not to feel like… Station 19 has lost a little bit of the plot.
Before I hop into my recap, a brief aside: NCIS: Hawai’i was cancelled last Friday. As someone who jumped on the Kacy bandwagon early, I’m heartbroken that we won’t get see their relationship grow. My disappointment’s been compounded by fans who insist on affixing blame to The Equalizer, the last CBS show to secure its renewal. If a fan is devoting their energy to attacking a show with LGBT representation that’s fronted by an actual black queer woman, I suspect NCIS: Hawai’i‘s representation wasn’t the thing they were truly invested in. Besides, the NCIS spin-off, fronted by a white man with a history of sexual harrassment, is far more deserving of your scorn.
As if The Equalizer anticipated the pushback, this week it delivers its queerest episode to date…and perhaps the queerest thing to air on CBS since Doubt. The episode borrows its name and its subject matter from HBO Max’s prematurely cancelled show about voguing and ballroom culture. Admittedly, the writing in this episode disappoints — to my knowledge, no trans writers are credited — but the casting is top notch: we get introduced to a lot of new trans talent.
One of Dee’s friends, Raya (Avery Sands), is missing. Dee admits to seeing Raya arguing with another girl at the park the previous day and worries that the fight is the reason Raya didn’t come home. She recruits her mother to track the teen down and insists on accompanying Robyn to talk to Raya’s mother. I appreciate the episode’s scenes with Raya’s mom because it’s still so rare to see a parent equivocally supporting their trans child on television. They’re pointed in the direction of Raya’s new chosen family, the House of DuBois, and its mother, Liberté (Simone Tisci). Initially, Liberté is reluctant to talk and orders Dee and Robyn out of her practice space but once she realizes that her daughter could be in real trouble — Dante finds evidence of Raya having been kidnapped — she offers them all the access they need.
Turns out, the girl Raya was arguing with in the park was her sister, Angie (Quei Tann). She explains to Robyn and Dee that she was just urging Raya to steer clear of her overly aggressive ex-boyfriend. Harry tracks down the address of Raya’s ex and Robyn and Mel go to confront him. He admits that he was the last to speak to Raya but his responsibilities at work kept him from their scheduled 10PM meet-up. Harry tracks down video of the pizzeria where Raya and her ex were slated to meet and find evidence of the kidnapping. And it’s not just Raya that’s been kidnapped, the video reveals another girl, bound, inside the van. Robyn begins to suspect that they’ve been taken by human traffickers.
But what Robyn ultimately discovers is that Raya and Stella (Nicole Talbot) weren’t taken by traffickers, they were taken by a conversion camp at the behest of their families: Stella was sent there by her parents and, as it turns out, Raya was sent there by her grandfather. Robyn and the crew head up to the camp and rescue Raya, Stella, and the other kids from their captors. The illegal camp is shutdown and all those involved are carted off to jail. Raya returns to her mother’s arms and Stella finds a new, accepting home at the House of DuBois.
Since Coop rebuffing her drunken attempt to rekindle their romance, Patience has been MIA. Olivia recalls her history of addiction and her propensity to make some questionable choices during her worst moments, so she commends Coop for her restraint. Coop hopes that one day Patience will be able to see it from that perspective. She puts aside that relationship drama and heads to class where Laura Baker is slated to give a guest lecture. Coop insists that she wants no preferential treatment from her boss-turned-housemate. When she shares that wish with Laura, the guest lecturer readily agrees: as soon as they walk through the classroom doors, they’ll be virtual strangers.
But Coop’s attempt to keep her personal and “professional” lives separate is thwarted when Laura gives a test case to the class that feels very familiar. In the case, a well-known actor who initially befriends a superfan with good intentions. Things go awry and the superfan feels rejected by the actor and ends up tasering him. It’s Patience’s case, with a few details changed to mask her identity, and Coop takes umbrage to Laura using the experience as fodder for class. She confronts Laura during the class break about co-opting Patience’s story, rather than using a case from Laura’s history. The former District Attorney takes offense to Coop questioning her authority. She assures Coop that she’ll understand the point of it all when she’s ready for Coop and the other students to learn it.
In group discussions, one student argues that the actor is partially responsible for what happened. He calls the actor a narcissist and Coop takes offense, on Patience’s behalf, and pushes back, strongly. Laura overhears and orders Coop to leave the class. Back at the Baker mansion, Coop offers an apology to her guest lecturer. She admits to being triggered by the fact that people could shred Patience’s defense so easily. She’s worried that the same thing will play out in a real courtroom. Laura points out that that was exactly the point of the exercise. She pushes Coop to channel her passion for Patience — and her case — into creative problem-solving.
Iris is stronger than me. I would have caved the second I saw them in that suit.
So, we’re now four episodes deep into the new season, and while she sometimes appears in a flickering hologram or a shattered memory, it does seem as though Aster is well and truly gone. However, they didn’t leave Halan alone on Beacon 23 for long, because now he has a new pal in Iris.
But what’s interesting to us, specifically, and why I’m here once again talking about this show I have a contentious relationship with, is because this season we meet a new character named Dev. Harmony meets Dev at AI HQ, as they are part of the internal affairs team that tries to keep Harmony from going back to the Beacon after learning she somehow imprinted on Halan while she was imprinted on Aster, despite AIs supposedly only being able to imprint on one person at a time. Dev is a non-binary AI (which I find hilarious and absolutely perfect since they literally communicate in binary code) and is played by nonbinary actor Noah Lamanna and they are killing it. Dev is confident and disarming and Harmony is desperate to keep them from imprinting on Iris but Dev is confident they’ll be able to do it anyway. They are a haunting presence but in a tempting way, and Iris seems to be slowly getting hypnotized by their charm.
Harmony tries to warn Halan and Iris about Dev, but only after spending a lot of time trying to deal with them on her own, so it might be too late for Iris. Then again, Dev makes a suspicious comment about letting “their person” in right before someone falls out of a goo portal (listen, I barely know what’s going on in this show at any given moment) so who’s to say what Dev’s endgame is here. Guess we’ll find out soon!
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.
Just a TV-loving, Twitter-addicted nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories. One part Kara Danvers, two parts Waverly Earp, a dash of Cosima and an extra helping of my own brand of weirdo.
A black biracial, bisexual girl raised in the South, working hard to restore North Carolina's good name. Lover of sports, politics, good TV and Sonia Sotomayor. You can follow her latest rants on Twitter.
Finally, the moment arrived for my BRCA test — a simple blood draw, almost anticlimactic for something that had the potential to be life-altering and life-saving. But how did I get here?
This moment had been something I’d been building up in my head since 2017 when I saw The Bold Type and Jane Sloan’s personal journey as she navigated her mother’s battle with breast cancer and her own subsequent decision to undergo genetic testing to look for BRCA genes. Now, here I was at my very own appointment in 2024. Sure, maybe it took me seven years but I was finally confronting, and struggling to manage, the overwhelming mix of anxiety, fear, grief, and empowerment I felt (but at least my therapist is fantastic). I was facing my own mortality squarely in the face and saying “bring it.”
So here I was, at a large hospital, as ready as I could be for my hour-long session where my family tree, personal history, and risks would be reviewed and evaluated. I was immediately struck by the warmth and empathy of my genetic counselor, whose name was Emily. She was kind and welcoming to both me and my partner, and never said any of the awkward veiled homophobia I usually hear in medical offices like “is this your friend” or worse, “is this your sister.” She was able to delicately balance the clinical aspects of genetics with the emotional weight of familial cancer history.
Most of my known family history and risk is on one half of my family, and the cancers that show up in my family tree can all be linked genetically. The counselor took all of this anecdotal information and plugged it into a mathematical formula. She calculated the risk that I would have a genetic mutation that is known to cause cancer. Even with only one half of my family history known to me, Emily confirmed my risk level was considered high enough to make me a strong candidate for testing.
It was strange hearing that out loud. I had already done my own research and knew that was likely to be the outcome, but having an expert confirm that I had a high risk level was both scary and exciting. I wanted to get the test, even if doing so seemed like asking a psychic when I was going to die.
Emily gave me information regarding my insurance coverage and financial support available through the genetic testing lab itself (not the hospital where I was doing the testing, but the organization that would actually analyze my genes). Fortunately, because of fairly recent health laws that require insurance to cover BRCA testing for high risk patients, my insurance would cover the test based on the fact that I was confirmed to be a good candidate.
Next it was time to consider how extensive I wanted the test to be, which required thinking about some of the most complex parts of the entire process: mastectomy, hormone therapy, hysterectomy, and more.
The genetic counselor was again fantastic and made sure that I didn’t boil over like an out-of-control pot of water. She told me that the recommendations for medical intervention can vary based on the specific gene combination that is found. For example, a mastectomy might be a recommendation for a really high risk gene profile, but monitoring and hormone treatment might be the recommendation for a more moderate risk gene profile.
The question of whether or not to get a hysterectomy or mastectomy or even do hormone therapy is inextricably tied to notions of gender and what that means, personally and societally. I was first introduced to those conversations ten years ago, when Angelina Jolie revealed that she had gotten a mastectomy because of her own BRCA mutation. At the time it terrified me. It sounded like such an intense surgery and it was impossible for me, at the time, to separate breasts from femininity. The media confirmed this with countless op-eds at the time arguing whether or not Angelina Jolie was still a woman.
Of course, I no longer believe that breasts are necessary to be a woman. Trans women are women, even if they don’t take hormones or get top surgery.I could still be a woman after a mastectomy. Tig Notaro, who I adore, went on stage shirtless r in her comedy special Boyish Girl Interrupted after a mastectomy because of breast cancer, and she identifies as a woman and a lesbian. I’d also spent time as the primary caretaker for someone recovering from top surgery and had first hand knowledge about the bandages, drains, scars, and all of the details in between. Top surgery and a mastectomy aren’t exactly the same, but the surgeries have a lot in common, and my queer experience gave me a unique perspective to bear witness to the ways in which breast removal could be a joyful experience and not solely something done out of the fear and pain that comes with cancer. It helped me understand the surgery from a practical perspective, rather than the fear and tragedy that often accompanies a mastectomy in the case of cancer.
Hysterectomy and hormones are a little harder to comprehend, because they are not as visible and public. I also have endometriosis and the lesser-known adenomyosis, both of which mean that the lining of the uterus grows where they are not supposed to, meaning it is wildly painful and extraordinarily torturous to have a period. For me, a hysterectomy would address these conditions as well, making it feel easier to consider such a big surgery. Pair all of this with the BRCA statistics: A BRCA mutation can cause up to a 72% lifetime risk of developing cancer and a 44% lifetime risk of developing ovarian cancer. For those with BRCA who do develop cancer, it is much more likely to be aggressive and more likely to be deadly. I had already decided if I had high genetic risk, I wanted to take an aggressive approach to fighting and preventing it.
In fact, my coming to this specific hospital was the result of a lot of research to confirm that things like hysterectomy would be an option. Navigating the healthcare system as a disabled LGBTQ individual in a post-Roe and post-Trump America is far from straightforward, and I knew that it was possible that religious hospitals and state laws could affect what treatment options are available to me. Having received affirming care at One Medical, known for its LGBTQ+-friendly environment and inclusive practices, I was taken aback when I was first referred to Providence hospitals. Despite Providence’s outward portrayal of inclusivity, deeper research revealed instances of discriminatory practices, such as denying transgender individuals necessary medical procedures or restricting access to birth control and abortion based on religious doctrine. Choosing a hospital system became a key part of my process and I had to do extra work to ensure comprehensive gynecologic care options and avoid discriminatory practices. I didn’t want to risk being denied all of the possible treatment options.
Now, sitting with Emily, I felt confident that I made the right decision. I wouldn’t have to worry about artificial restrictions on my healthcare. Instead I could just consider the range of genetic test options knowing that even if the test revealed a high genetic cancer risk, this hospital had a team who would give me all of the options.
Finally, it was time to decide how many genes I actually wanted to have tested. They could perform a targeted test focusing on specific cancer-linked mutations or a comprehensive panel. Emily noted that one reason to choose more targeted testing was because going with the full panel increased the odds of finding an unknown genetic mutation and that this could cause anxiety. Scientific understanding of genes and cancer is still evolving, and some genetic variations have been identified, but not studied enough to conclusively say whether or not they increase the risk for cancer. However, she assured me that the testing company would provide ongoing updates, ensuring I remained informed as the science developed. I decided to go with the full, comprehensive panel of eighty eight genes, choosing to confront the unknown with as much data as possible. I’d prefer to have all available information that science could offer me.
(Plus, the cost for the test would be the same whether I tested all eighty eight genes or a much smaller number, and I love a good bargain. Eighty-eight genes for the price of two, yes please!)
It feels like after all of the build up the actual genetic test should take place around a campfire with chanting and handholding, but the reality was anticlimactic and impersonal. If anything, the test itself felt really awkward. The nurse struggled to take my blood even though I am usually told by medical professionals that I “have good veins.” It felt like some part of my body was determined to express the anxiety I still felt by physically fighting back against the test. Finally after several minutes of poking at me the blood began to flow, they collected two small tubes, packaged it in a box to send to the lab, and I was finished.
As I left the appointment, I carried a sense of relief —tinged with apprehension, knowing that the next few weeks would surely make my anxiety boil over.
But what convinced me to do the test in the first place remains true: if I have the genetic mutations that increase my risk for multiple types of cancer, especially breast cancer, they’re already there — whether or not I get the test.
Now, as I await the verdict of eighty-eight potential cancer-causing genes, I am buoyed by the legacy of LGBTQ+ people who came before and whose courage and honesty helped bring awareness, empathy, and less stigmatization to breast cancer and the gender-based shame that can come with it. There is Wanda Sykes, who opted for a double mastectomy after finding what she called stage 0 cancer because she wanted to reduce her chance of it spreading as much as possible. Melissa Etheridge, who destigmatized the connection between breast cancer and femininity by performing bald at the GRAMMY Awards shortly after completing chemotherapy. Robin Roberts and her partner Amber Laig,n who both have had breast cancer and shared their experiences via Robin’s’ platform as a host on Good Morning America. Angelina Jolie, and her pivotal role in bringing BRCA genes and treatment options into the national spotlight. Audre Lorde, who published The Cancer Journals and detailed her own struggles with and views of post-cancer femininity.
I also still think of Tig Notaro, who in the middle of a stand-up comedy special being recorded for broadcast boldly unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her post-mastectomy chest. She did the remaining half of her stand-up set like this, forcing viewers to confront their own discomfort with cancer, mortality, gender, and health all in one subtle but significant move.
Tig stands on a stage for 20 minutes, literally in a spotlight and on camera, shamelessly showing her nipple-less, slightly concave chest with obvious red surgery scars. The first time I watched it I felt uncomfortable, being forced to face medical and gender stigmas at the same time while feeling amazed at Tig’s boldness. It felt like I was watching something public that was supposed to be kept hidden and private and it was inspiring to see that — see the mystery, and with it the stigma, stripped away. It’s what I aim to do with this series in some small, similar way. I think perhaps if the worst case scenario for my health and my gender presentation is that I have something in common with Tig Notaro… then maybe that’s not so bad.
What to Expect Whenis a series from Katie Reilly shedding light on cancer and the intersection of genetics, identity, and health.
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Katie is a disabled queer writer, creator, and activist who spends her days fighting online misogyny, hate, and disinfo and her evening playing with her dog, designing for her Etsy, reading 5 books at once, or collecting too many kinds of tea. Find her across social media at @imkatiereilly.
Kristen Stewart is returning to the vampire film canon with a starring role in the upcoming Panos Cosmatos thriller Flesh of the Gods. Oscar Isaac is also set to star. She’s also heading back to the 80s, Flesh of the Gods set to take place in the same decade as Stewart’s recent sweaty sexy sapphic sensation Love Lies Bleeding.
Set in Los Angeles in the 1980s, Flesh of the Gods will feature Isaac and Stewart as a married couple, Raoul and Alex, who encounter a mysterious woman with a hard-partying crew and get sucked into their world of hedonism and glamour. AKA vampirism. It’s giving The Hunger. Here’s to hoping some of that hedonism and glamorous vampire party life leads to a bit of queer action for both Raoul and Alex, as I can definitely see Stewart and Isaac giving us a good bi4bi relationship dynamic. (We all know Alex is an inherently queer name, so.)
My greatest hope and desire for this vampire film (other than it be a little bit gay 🤞🏽) is for it to honor Stewart’s vampiric legacy by including a bizarrely long and technically unnecessary but oh so powerful baseball game interlude. Whomst among us did not have their brain chemistry permanently altered by the Twilight baseball sequence?
In other Kristen Stewart casting news, she has been cast in the lead role of Albert Serra’s Out of This World. It’s thrilling to hear about upcoming KStew-starring projects, especially since she finally did get what she wanted in moving forward with a The Chronology of Water adaptation, previously saying she wouldn’t act in other people’s films until someone funded her directorial debut.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Why is everyone so shocked that I want to be touched, but not penetrated?
Q:
I’m an older afab lesbian, got out of a long relationship, and I’ve recently started using apps for the first time. I am having a really confusing time trying to figure out how to identify in a way that’s legible to others. I see that people are using top/bottom/vers outside of kink contexts now.
A little background: I don’t enjoy receiving penetration. Years ago, I tried for a long while with 2 different girlfriends to achieve pleasure from it because it would be great to have that option, but it never worked. I’m not ideologically opposed to it but it doesn’t bring me any pleasure so I prefer clit stuff. I thought I qualified as vers, because I li...
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When in my 23rd year amid the second decade of the 21st century, I awoke one morning a woman, my relationship, too, evolved from heterosexual to lesbian. And, like any good lesbian couple, we bought a corny secular saint candle of Virginia Woolf to display on our bookshelf.
By this point, I’d already read Mrs. Dalloway, Three Guineas, and essential feminist text A Room of One’s Own. I’d also read aloud to my partner Woolf’s love letters with Vita Sackville-West, a collection I’d gifted her for Christmas our first year together, which suggests I had been a dyke all along. Soon after transitioning, I decided it was time to read Orlando, Woolf’s gender-bending tribute to Sackville-West, imagining her lover as a former count who survived centuries and, at one point, became a countess.
Like any saint — secular or otherwise — there are many versions of Virginia Woolf awaiting our projection. There is Woolf the woman, Woolf the lesbian, Woolf the depressive, Woolf the bisexual, Woolf the feminist, Woolf the writer, Woolf the political thinker, Woolf the humorist, and, I would argue, a Woolf separate from womanhood altogether — or, at least, our modern conception of that word.
What inspires a person who claims to detest masculinity to imagine her female lover was once a man? Does the gender-bending conceit of Orlando exist only to make essentialist points about living in society as a woman? Or is it a queer celebration of biological defiance? Is Virginia Woolf the Patron Saint of old school feminism? Or is she a reminder that gender deviance has always existed? Ultimately, these questions become one: Does Orlando, the novel, belong to the cis feminists or to the transsexuals?
These questions are at the forefront of the new Signature Theatre adaptation of the novel, written by Sarah Ruhl, directed by Will Davis, and performed by a queer cast led by Taylor Mac in the titular role. They are not questions with answers — that would be too binary — but questions with gifts, inspiration for creation. This Orlando is a joyous reclamation. It is the queering of a queer text, a snatching of Woolf away from her status as stodgy feminist and back to her rightful place as queer radical.
In many ways, Orlando is a truthful adaptation. Ruhl is an accomplished playwright and she condenses and captures the novel with sharp humor and surprising pathos. But it’s the direction and performances that explode the source material.
On a large, barren stage Taylor Mac is dressed in period garb, joined by a company largely in tracksuits. Throughout, the company shifts between a sort of Greek chorus and filling individual roles in Orlando’s story signified by new costumes — ranging from elaborate gorgeous queer outfits to comical lo-fi transformations.
Mac and the company move around tables and rolling office chairs, harsh visible lights filling the stage. But, like the costuming, the stagecraft will occasionally find a new voice, a heightening that informs the audience all previous choices have, indeed, been choices.
The cast is filled with queer legends and talented up-and-comers of stage and screen. Mac is joined by Janice Amaya, Nathan Lee Graham, Lisa Kron, Jo Lampert, TL Thompson, and Rad Pereira and each performer is as good in their solo moments as they are as an ensemble. The approach feels more akin to clowning than what one would expect from a Virginia Woolf adaptation and the result is, put simply, really fun.
When famous people die by suicide, they are often unfairly defined by their depression. Woolf is thought of as a very serious literary figure, but as a display outside the theatre reminds audiences, not only is Orlando a fun novel, Woolf had fun writing it. That joy from the text is brought to the stage — not in an empty Queer Joy™ sort of way but as a meaningful expression of queer artistic collaboration.
The ache of Orlando’s heartbreaks, the challenges that accompany manhood, womanhood, and everything in between, and the weight of the centuries that pass hit with a feeling only possible due to all the fun. There is power in play, in queer artists having fun. Like Woolf as she wrote the source material, this production proves that artistic precision can be in service of joy, that lightness and depth are not contradictory.
There were many sides to Virginia Woolf and there are many perceptions of her as an icon. This play focuses on the writer as one of us, as a queer artist finding delight in using her talents to pay tribute to her friend, her love, her queer community.
Orlando is at Signature Theatre through May 12.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Brigette Lundy-Paine has always been, first and foremost, an artist. While best known for their very shippable role on Atypical, Brigette’s creative works go beyond TV star. They’re the co-founder of Waif Magazine, a monthly art and fashion publication, and a member of Subtle Pride, an undefinable pop band that also incorporates elements of improv and performance art.
It’s why their role in Jane Schoenbrun‘s new film I Saw the TV Glow is so exciting. Who better to play a cool teen who introduces a closeted trans kid to life-changing art than a trans person committed to the life-changing possibilities of many art forms? Who better to star in a formally inventive work of emotional expression than an actor committed to formal invention?
I talked to Brigette about their unique experience making I Saw the TV Glow, their approach to art-making, and the freedom of embracing trans identity.
Drew: Did you have your own Pink Opaque [the fictional show within TV Glow] as a kid? What was a show or movie that you really connected with?
Brigette: I keep lying about my answer and saying different stuff.
Drew: (laughs)
Brigette: I didn’t really have one.
Drew: Interesting! What was your relationship to media as a teenager?
Brigette: I didn’t take it in. Barely a drop.
Drew: Really! That’s so interesting.
Brigette: Yeah. I used to do a bunch of theatre and my world was really small media wise. My parents had a theatre company so we went to see a lot of plays. And we did watch a lot of Gene Wilder movies.
Drew: Wait, okay, theatre counts. Were there plays that you really connected with?
Brigette: Oh yeah! So, so many. Like I always think back— Well, I have a few really early trans memories, the first being a dream I had when I was three that I was a cowboy sitting in front of a western saloon and somebody shot my penis off.
Drew: (laughs)
Brigette: That was definitely a past life thing. But when I was eight or nine I played Frederic in The Pirates of Penzance and the girl that played Mabel was so tall and I was so tiny. (laughs)
Drew: I love that. It’s so common for kids to play “gender swapped” roles and then Hollywood is like we can’t do that! And it’s like, well children and teens all around the world are doing it all the time.
Brigette: And all throughout the history of theatre!
Drew: Yup!
I know you’ve talked about how playing a queer character on Atypical helped you come out as nonbinary. If you’re comfortable, I’d love to get into some of the thoughts you were having around that time. Did you tell the Atypical team first? Did you have worries about your place in the industry beyond that show?
Brigette: I mostly just needed to be authentically myself and I didn’t really think about what would happen. I didn’t tell the Atypical crew. I don’t think I really made it clear to anyone. I told my mom the same day I posted on Instagram. I just felt this urgency.
I don’t really worry about my place in the industry, because I’ve never had a clear concept of what it is the industry— who it is we’re supposed to worship. You know?
Drew: (laughs) Yeah.
Brigette: I don’t know how you’re supposed to get a job at all whether or not you’re accounting for marginalization or gender identity. But I’ve also always had this confidence in myself and my community, because I’m surrounded by so many creative people. I work on Waif Magazine and I was working with Subtle Pride for so many years. We were in a constant state of creation and so much of our work was about playing with gender.
My best friend Mina Walker, who is in Daisy the Great, and I would play Silver and Smoke — the blonde europop girlies who were hyper-feminine — and Zach Donovan and Misha Brooks would play Two Lines — the hypermasculine American DJs who kissed at the end of their DJ set and cut each other’s hair. I’ve had so much satisfaction outside the film industry. And I think I’ve also just understood that the characters I play and the work that I do can’t be about the business of it, because that’s a really unreliable source of inspiration. It has to be about the spiritual fodder that each character provides. I think that’s one of the reasons I was able to do this part in TV Glow because I felt like I was ready for it and Jane was ready. We were both ready in the same way so we were able to spill our soul and guts with equal force.
Drew: This is such an exciting project, because it does feel like everyone is really bringing their full selves. Even though it is on a fairly large scale, especially for this kind of movie, it feels so pure in a way that’s really rare.
How did you come to the project?
Brigette: I met Jane through Sam Intili who is one of the producers. We’d been friends for a long time. And Jane and I just got along really well. Pretty immediately. We met over Zoom and then they showed me World’s Fair and sent me the script. Of course, I was completely captivated and like, I have to do this. Then we met a few months later in person at Greenwood cemetery and the three of us hung out. And after that it was just a process of convincing A24 that I could do the movie, because there are so many politics around casting, obviously. But it all worked out!
And I agree. Everyone was challenged to work in ways they hadn’t done before. Justice talks about this movie shedding all of his illusions about what it means to prepare and be in control of your work. So many people had to let go — including myself — to make this movie. You can really tell that talking to people about it, because people can feel it. Even in Hollywood conversations, there’s a primal scream in the film that deindustrializes the interactions. It takes it out of the world of business.
Brigette Lundy-Paine and Ian Foreman in I Saw the TV Glow
Drew: What is your usual process and how did this differ?
Brigette: I think I just never had this much responsibility for taking a character through an arc. I got to play Maddie when she was 14 years old and completely innocent, and then 17 years old and totally pissed, totally in a state of ownership over her body and mind. It’s so satisfying to play a character like that — I felt similarly with Casey. Teen ownership over the body is something that I’ve really learned through characters. And then final Maddie is creature, cowboy, alien, who is absolutely uninhibited and does not know or care what humans think is appropriate. I learned a lot from being able to release shame through the oldest Maddie.
Drew: Was there a rehearsal process?
Brigette: Jane and I would meet for awhile once a week and they would tell me about Maddie. We had one session about their Maddie in high school and who she was. Then we had another about the lore of TV Glow and what the film is about really and how this is kind of like the sixth season of The Pink Opaque. There are clues throughout, but you might not get that the first time. There are so many watches in this movie. I’ve seen it five times and I’m down to see it again. And then we had one rehearsal with Justice and I a couple days before we shot. We rehearsed at an office space outside of Montclair, New Jersey. We did the bleacher scene and that was kind of it.
Drew: I like the mention of Jane talking about their Maddie. Even beyond autobiography, I don’t know how I would talk to someone about this movie without being like, oh who was your Maddie? Because I know who mine was. And my Maddie eventually came out as trans so your casting in this role really hit for me. Like sometimes the cool girl isn’t even a girl!
Brigette: (laughs) Yeah.
Drew: It seems like you’ve always done work that feels really true to you, but was there anything about this project that shifted what you’re looking for moving forward?
Brigette: Oh yeah. The entire experience of working on this movie — from being able to repeat these poetic texts again and again for a year leading up to it to the total mystical experience of filming to my friendships with Jane and Justice and really everyone who worked on the movie and the reinforcing of trans community — it all helped me to be like, yeah I’m trans.
I think I was afraid to say that before, because I was still holding onto this idea that I needed to be able to play girls. I don’t really know why. Although I might have one more in me. There’s a movie that I really want to do that’s a girl part and then I’m done. I’m excited to give myself the gift of being an out trans person. Because, for me, being nonbinary gave me flexibility, but it also became a hiding place. I didn’t feel like I was ready or allowed to take hormones, because it didn’t feel like it was part of what I had explained myself to myself as. But yeah after making this movie and being able to talk to so many trans people about it and that being part of the press around the movie— it feels really exciting because we get to look at each other and understand we’re real. We’re really making these incredible pieces of work together and we have been for so long. It’s also a nice reminder that we don’t have to get distracted by what the capitalist exploitive tools will do to trans art. Know our history.
Justice Smith and Brigette Lundy-Paine in I Saw the TV Glow
Drew: Obviously there are realities to the industry, but you’re right there has always been underground queer art and trans art and that stuff is usually better anyway.
Have you started going out for roles that are written for men? Is that something your reps are open to and that the industry at large seems open to?
Brigette: Yeah. I’ve been with my agent Rhonda Price for a long time. Since I was 19. And she knows me really well. She understands where we’re going and she’s down to go there with me and we’ll see what happens. But I have so much to do that thinking about roles I’m getting in the industry and auditioning for shit is in the back of my mind. It’s so back burner for me. Of course, I’d die without acting. I’ve been created to do this by actor parents so it is something I must do the way a vampire must feed. But I can have prolonged periods in between where I’m very satisfied by the other projects that I work on.
Drew: What other projects are you currently working on?
Brigette: Well, I still run Waif Magazine. That’s the main gig. And then Mina and I along with Avsha from this really cool punk band Lowertown — the two of them have a music project — and we’re scoring a film I shot on my phone two summers ago. It’s called October Crow and it stars my friend Alex McVicker, my neighbor Peter who is in his 70s, and my mom plays this character named La Bruja who is in this attic room reading a bible and you realize she’s running a sex ring. We’re scoring that and that’s really fun and just very satisfying. And Alex and I are writing another movie. So yeah there are many, many dreams.
Drew: What other queer and trans work have you seen lately that’s inspired you and reaffirms that feeling that we’re all out here making stuff?
Brigette: I mean, it’s funny, but I love Crackhead Barney. (laughs)Crackhead Barney on Instagram has a sort of like talk show, variety show where they go around painted white wearing a diaper to rightwing rallies and Zionist rallies and gun shows to interview people. I really love their show because they’re ruthless. (laughs) They cornered Alec Baldwin in a coffee shop the other day and were like, “Say Free Palestine! Say Free Palestine! Just say it, Alec! Please!” And Alec literally knocks the phone out of their hand. They’re just a genius pioneer of what it means to have talk show TV.
Sometimes late at night I think about the Jimmys and I get furious, because I want to take them down, but I also know they’re human beings who need to be loved.
Drew: (laughs)
Brigette: But something like Crackhead Barney really makes me feel better.
I Saw the TV Glow is now in theatres.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
This review of I Saw the TV Glow was originally published as part of our Sundance 2024 coverage.
When I interviewed Jane Schoenbrun about their debut We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, they mentioned their next film was written during the early months of physical transition and would be “about the egg crack.” That film is I Saw the TV Glow and it’s a mix of styles, ideas, and emotions fitting for that chaotic moment in a trans person’s life.
I Saw the TV Glow is about Owen (Justice Smith) who we fall through time alongside from 7th grade (played then by Ian Foreman) until somewhere well into his adulthood. He’s a quiet kid who loves his mom and fears his dad. He doesn’t share the interests of his peers — except 9th grader Maddie (Brigette Lundy-Paine) who loves a fantasy show called The Pink Opaque that Owen isn’t allowed to watch because it airs after his bedtime. Oh and because his dad says it’s a show for girls.
The Pink Opaque is an obvious stand-in for Buffy and Schoenbrun has a lot of fun recreating that era of teen fantasy show. Maddie educates Owen on “monsters of the week” and “big bads” and then begins slipping him VHS tapes so he can actually watch the episodes.
I Saw the TV Glow does for television and cool older girls (who might not be girls) what We’re All Going to the World’s Fair did for the internet and inappropriate adult men. The bond that forms between Owen and Maddie is deeply recognizable both in how tightly they connect and in the gaps they cannot fill.
By remaining truthful to the quiet awkwardness of many closeted trans girls, Schoenbrun has given themself a challenging task. Owen is fearful and self-conscious in ways that are pointedly alienating. After delivering the best line of the film, Justice Smith lets out his only laugh and one of his few smiles and it feels like a relief. That relief is quickly snatched away.
Because Owen — and, to an only slightly lesser extent, Maddie — are so internal, the film is at its best in its moments of quiet. The film’s masterful visuals, haunting sound design, poetic score, and cinematic flourishes combine to create moments that are transcendent. Schoenbrun confirms themself here as a singularly talented filmmaker unafraid to take risks — stylistically and emotionally.
But, from the beginning, the lines between Owen’s life and the world of The Pink Opaque are blurred. Schoenbrun allows characters to mimic the sort of overwrought dialogue and monologues found in Buffy and other teen shows. It’s fascinating to see this style used to represent trans teenagehood instead of Buffy’s cis girlhood, but it’s a choice I found myself admiring more than connecting with. Teenagers and newly out trans people both believe they’re discovering new ways of thinking and feeling that other people have been thinking and feeling for centuries. I experienced this myself and there’s a poignant nostalgia to seeing that represented on-screen — there’s also occasionally a distance.
Schoenbrun is currently working on an adaption of Imogen Binnie’s Nevada and it’s a fitting union of artist and material. Despite all the Buffy references, it’s that book that feels most closely tied to this film. Reading Nevada years into my transition — and after reading several books from trans authors inspired by Nevada — I felt grateful for its existence while experiencing a similar distance from the moment of transness it portrayed.
During that same interview, Schoenbrun told me they started working on We’re All Going to the World’s Fair before knowing they were trans, and they felt obligated to honor that uncertainty in the film itself. They’ve made a similar choice here — even though they were further into their transition during production and post-production, they honored the emotions of those early moments this film was written. There’s something quite vulnerable and quite rare about an artist trusting the person they were in the past. It’s easy for us — especially as trans people — to be so eager for the future that we ignore even the present. I love that Schoenbrun has resisted that temptation.
I Saw the TV Glow is about the art that shapes us, even if someday we grow beyond it. The film warns against looking at this art with dismissal or disdain. To do so is to look at our past selves with these same negative emotions. To do so is to deny our full personhood. To do so is to deny the tools we need to move confidently into the future.
I came to Buffy even later than I came to Nevada. But as a teenager, there was other art — good and bad — that shaped the woman I am today. And, next to me, also experiencing that art, was someone I thought was a girl — another queer human — who shaped me even more.
The two of us often sat side-by-side, staring at a screen, dreaming of the people we might someday become.
I Saw the TV Glow is now in theatres.
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Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Kate Hawkins is a city-loving Californian currently residing in New Hampshire with her wife and toddler, where she's currently enjoying sports that require unwieldy pieces of equipment (kayaking! biking! cross country skiing!) and grilling lots of corn. She's stoked to be writing puzzles for Autostraddle and hopes you enjoy solving these gay puzzles!
Photography: Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post via Getty Images
and Alex Kent/Getty Images // Art: Autostraddle
When the Autostraddle editors decided that we wanted to do something actionable and be of service to our community, as it relates to the ongoing student protests and encampments against the genocide in Gaza and in support to a free Palestine, I took on the task of collecting lists of schools with protests and encampments. At first, I found roughly 30. Then 40. Then 63. And by last night, roughly eight hours from when I started, I found a list of over 120 encampments going on across college campuses in the United States. It’s heart bursting. It’s also too many to research every supply request or bail fund and have this published in a time that would be useful. It’s too many even list out, and they are changing every day (some of these needs are changing hourly!). And so, this is where I am coming to you.
According to AP News, more than 2,000 people have been arrested during pro-Palestinian protests at college campuses across the United States. So many of us have watched as police have rolled into campus with military grade riot gear, called by administrators onto their own students — students whose tuition pays their salaries. The past 10 days, the past seven months, have been a brutal reminder that the United States is a project of brute force and empire making, it would rather turn on its own citizens, on its own kids, then say as much as “Ceasefire Now.”
I’ll admit that I am new to this, writing about the necessity of a free Palestine. Not because it’s new in my heart, but because I worry about saying the wrong things. But we’re so far past that now. Here is a list of over 60 protests and encampments to start, cross-referenced across as many sources as I could. And then, here is a list over 120 more.
University of Wisconsin, Madison — Madison, WI instagram
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Carmen is Autostraddle's Editor-in-Chief and a Black Puerto Rican femme/inist writer. She claims many past homes, but left the largest parts of her heart in Detroit, Brooklyn, and Buffalo, NY. There were several years in her early 20s when she earnestly slept with a copy of James Baldwin’s “Fire Next Time” under her pillow. You can find her on twitter, @carmencitaloves.
Thank you, Carmen and Autostraddle, for highlighting this side of the situation while also committing to keeping the focus on Gaza itself.
As an academic it’s been unsettling how many colleagues (faculty, administrators) are dismissive of the earnest demands being made by protesters.
These are both much small encampments and schools but there are active encampments at Middlebury in Vermont and at Williams College in Massachusetts.
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Thank you! I’ll get Middlebury and Williams added.
And I know that I’m a former academic, but my heart has been so heavy this week with yall. Thank you for what you’re doing.
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Like chicken for KFC 🤦🏽♀️
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Hey Not brainwashed, across the tapestry of history, it does tend to look like nuance and understanding leads to peace more readily than stark, all-or-nothing thinking.
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Thank you for this coverage! Just a flag: I think the Wesleyan Insta link is redirecting to Oberlin instead.
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fixed! thank you
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Thank you for this list! Small encampment at Wake Forest University to add to the NC list: @freepalestinewfu on insta
A Jewish student at UCLA was beaten to near-death by a bunch of pro-Hamas psychos, but okay, go on.
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Is this the same UCLA where counter-protesters destroyed parts of the encampment and assaulted protesters while the LAPD looked the other way? Pull the other one.
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Thank you for this. I deeply appreciate autostraddle’s commitment to standing against the horrors happening in Gaza and in support of college kids speaking out against the genocide, this is very useful and appreciated
I’ve never witnessed an animated series as unanimously despised as Velma. The Charlie Grandy-developed, diversified, Riverdale-meets-Harley-Quinn wannabe take on the Mystery Gang’s most scholarly member already ruh-rubbed fans the wrong way for omitting the titular lead of the franchise, Scooby-Doo. (Warner Bros. didn’t give the writing team clearance to incorporate the heart of Mystery Incorporated.) But Scooby’s absence may have been forgiven if this iteration of Velma Dinkley wasn’t an overly unlikable, aggressively condescending person towards everyone, lending to some jokes from its writers attacking its fanbase and alienating just about everyone who tried to give it a chance. When I covered the first season for Paste, I didn’t quite share the universal ire, noting its unique, geometrical-based character designs and Scream-esque art direction, even if I, too, found the marquee meta behavior off-putting. Max seemed to have caught wind of its negative reception amongst, well, everyone, because the second season was unceremoniously shadow-dropped onto the platform with absolutely no fanfare.
Now, before people ask, “How can Warner Bros. Discovery drop two seasons of Velma but cancel other original projects as tax write-offs?” I hate to tell you, but when Velma was greenlit, it had a two-order pickup, so much like death itself, Ms. Dinkley’s second coming was inevitable.
Season two picks up a few weeks following Velma’s (Mindy Kaling) victory at solving her first mystery. The Crystal Cove serial killer, Victoria Jones (Cherry Jones), Fred Jones’ (Glenn Howerton) mom, has been caught and — accidentally — murdered by Norville (Sam Richardson). She’s also dealing with the aftermath of finding her longtime missing mother, Divya Dinkley (Sarayu Blue), and her friends-to-enemies-to-crush Daphne (Constance Wu) professing her love to her.
With a solved case under her belt, Velma is now revered by her high school peers, landing in the popular girls’ top rank. And she and Daphne are officially girlfriends — even if their relationship is constantly on the rocks.
This season has the arrival of a new student, a femme non-binary goth named Amber (Sara Ramirez, who can’t seem to leave Max’s platform as the go-to nonbinary rep), and the arrival of a new serial killer. The killer explicitly goes after men and rips their dongs off andit’s up to Velma to meddle her way into solving another case. Meanwhile, Norville starts to experience guilty hallucinations of Victoria’s ghost.
Regarding its humor and tone, Velma season two marginally improves upon the problematic character’s actions and the ensemble’s aggressive unlikability. There’s nothing as rage-inducingly uncomfortable as season one lows like Daphne kissing Velma upon having a panic attack or Norville simping for Velma.
Whatever bland teen drama was teased in its season one finale, the writing staff has crumbled up and thrown into the trash, instead doubling down on its millennial rambling, modern-day referential, styled humor––without insulting the viewer. And yet, at trying so hard to be inoffensive and learn from its mistakes, the comedic offshoots result in even more awkward staging and timing. While the first season had an ugly personality, at least it was bold enough to have one at all.
This cycle however is a slog to trudge through. The unfocused plotting regarding its new mystery, matched with a barrage of endlessly unfunny gags leave you wistfully wondering how significantly different or possibly better the writing would’ve been if WBD had given the team Scoob-blanche to throw him into the team. In Scooby’s absence, Velma throws every horror-based dart to the wall, including ghosts, body-switching, talking brains, mutated monsters, and witchcraft. Yet the series retains its dull, unfunny quality carried over from its predecessor and delivers a mundane, middling season that bears no resemblance to Scooby-Doo outside the character’s names and signature attire. Most of the ensemble spends considerable time apart, enacting on their own considerably uninteresting arcs that come and go like the wind. One episode would revolve around Daphne projecting herself as a witch and the next would be her switching brains with Norville’s long lost grandmother (Vanessa Williams) with no discernable sense of direction nor plot progression.
Possibly if the writers took notes from better adult Scooby-Doo-inspired properties like Venture Bros. or the James Gunn-penned live-action flicks that were initially going to bear a PG-13 rating, they could have honed in on Velma’s queer identity with a natural adult edge. Heck, those movies had a better understanding of Velma and Daphne’s dynamic than they do here. Even as explicit girlfriends, they’re constantly bickering with each other and always at moral odds. Both parties are shallow, and their relationship feels made up on a whim rather than their romance and dual character development feeling earned.
Considering the minimal effort Max made in advertising the series, per the course, with every animated project existing under the anti-animation-led Zaslav regime, the writing is on the wall for the future of Velma. Despite ending on a cliffhanger that teases a Halloween-set third season or a special, it’s clear that this series is about to be put to rest, sent mercilessly to the great cancellation in the sky. It’s painful to see the first POC-led, queer-inclusive version of a long-standing franchise end up its worst. But this is one soon-to-be canceled queer show that won’t be missed.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.
It feels like everyone talks and does not talk about money, especially now, especially while we wade knee-deep through inflation that I believe is not so much inflation but rather price-gouging.
There was only one truly shocking thing about Japan for me: the sheer disparity between the economic reality on the ground in Tokyo and the propaganda I’d absorbed over the years. Tokyo’s a major city, so it must be expensive. Also, apparently, people work all the time, constantly, to death. The reality? Food was cheap as hell compared to the US. And the people? Sure, they went to work, but the day seemed to, for many, start a little later to accommodate later nights. I was hard pressed to find a coffee shop open before 9 a.m. And every night, I watched groups of friends as they went out to eat, drink, and otherwise enjoy life. Public services were abundant: easy-to-find bathrooms, frequently running trains, and pedestrian walkways crossing busy intersections and sidewalks threaded across a city larger than Los Angeles. In talking to a former salaryman — who did indeed leave that life and career because it was killing him — he told me he’d worked with people in businesses from countries around the world, but “no one is as hard-working as Americans.” To which, I responded, “because if we lose our jobs, we can die.” Of course, nowhere’s perfect, but it was obvious that everyday entertainment was reasonably accessible for a lot of people, and that even one of Japan’s notoriously overworked ex-salarymen thought Americans might be overdoing it.
When I hear about people moving to Pittsburgh, they often have similar narratives for their why, at least in my circles. It’s too expensive where they were living — no hope of anything but forking over half their paycheck or more on rent, no hope of ever buying a house or saving for something else or finding a cheap room with queer roommates, or where they came from is more or less similarly priced, but a smaller city with much more limited gender affirming healthcare resources. The reasons are almost always economic.
Through a witches’ brew of tax season, multiple deaths, and the constant hum of precarity that rattles the bones of me and everyone around me, money easily worms its way into conversations. I’m writing this from the back of a beater car where a few people are heading up from Providence, RI to see a 29-year-old in hospice in a VA hospital in Boston. We convened at a second-hand comic and record store because one person was putting some old Nintendo games for sale on consignment.
“There’s even tent cities in Providence, now.”
Over coffee with a friend, she tells me how she and her partner got a loan to consolidate credit card debt. I talk with a coworker about partners whom we’ve thanklessly helped pay off student loan debt or supported during their MFA’s. Local signal groups pass around word about ultra-temporary jobs: whether someplace needs someone to work the door that night or to jump in and bar back, when a stadium is putting out a call for people to load out after a big concert. “Recession-core” trends on TikTok and people on there who like to analyze such things mention that neutral and beige colors come back into style during times of economic distress. I clean up renovation debris and take out a loan to cover the cost of electricians and wonder if I should get a roommate when I’ve got the spare bedroom fixed up enough.
Sometimes, I read Refinery29’s money diaries. I marvel at either the thriftiness or the way expenses seem to inflate as the anonymous interviewees disclose their dizzyingly high incomes. I mostly look at the costs of food, of utilities. Groceries, especially, are of interest because a person can only eat so much. Recently, Literary Hubput out their own version. One thing that struck me was the number of writers who were partnered with someone they share expenses with in their money diaries — it was all of them. It brought me back to that viral essay in The Cut about “age-gaps” that was really, actually about marrying rich and heterosexually.
One major aspect of my journey into intentionally stepping off the “relationship escalator” — the impetus for this column — that I don’t think I’ve talked about much has been the way it’s felt to only be financially responsible for myself. Whether it was my ex-husband yelling at me because the wage for a new job I was offered was for ”too little” or trying to budget with my ex-girlfriend in the year before the pandemic started when we both made next to no money and there wasn’t really anything to budget when your “fun money” for the month is $10 each, I always had to negotiate money with someone else. Not doing that is a kind of freedom. It’s not a freedom to take risks in the same way a person can if they have a life partner who can hold them up when they do so, but at the end of the day, if I have to make weird pantry dinners for a while to cover an unexpected bill or if I want to be irresponsible about something, I don’t have to talk to anyone about it.
On the other hand, in all of these articles about marrying rich, about having dual incomes, and in real life examples like the married lesbian couple I know who took turns putting each other through grad school, it’s clear that the systems in place are somewhat set up to punish people going through life on a more solo path. I once watched a coworker rage quit in a toxic work environment, then go home to her boyfriend who worked in tech who then supported her while she started her own consulting business. I was living without a partner at the time (but with roommates) and had to stay in that same job for months longer than her while I looked for another. People who’ve been single for a long time will be like “yeah, Nico, we know,” but there’s no denying that economic realities kept me in a toxic work environment, or, on the flipside, in my abusive marriage and the relationship before it was a marriage. I’ll never forget looking for a room, a space in San Francisco to move out into, one time when I was really trying to leave, and after the last room-in-a-shared apartment showing I went to went so horribly wrong I was actually worried about my physical safety, I just broke down and convinced myself I was being crazy and stayed.
On the other hand, the accumulation of the effects of all my long-term relationships has been a complete lack of savings. So, even as I draw up budgets and cut costs and find ways to build that up as best I can, I can’t quite figure out what is actually financially wiser or better or easier — being solo, finding a partner or partners to live with, collective housing or roommates or keeping my only roommate to the one ghost who lives with me. Ultimately, with the way that money is threaded through every choice I’ve ever made and the way it’s clearly inextricable from partnership (to the point where some people are basing how they choose or seek partners on social status or finances), from choice, from freedom, finding the best path is actually starting to look like burning it all down. And until we can do away with the pressures placed on all of us by late stage Capitalism, I’ll keep trying to thread that needle.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Nico Hall is Autostraddle's A+ and Fundraising Director, and has been fundraising and working in the arts and nonprofit sector for over a decade. They write nonfiction and personal essays and are currently at work on a queer fiction novel and podcasts. They live in Pittsburgh. Nico is also haunted. You can find them on Twitter and Instagram as @nknhall.
Yeah capitalism crushes us all, though not all as much as you. But your story is familiar from my own circle of queer friends.
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Rylie, thank you. And also, just to note, I’m not nearly, broadly speaking, as crushed by Capitalism as others. It’s definitely, certainly, uneven in its crushing, and uneven by design. (Probably why this sounds so familiar / like what other queers you know have experienced.)
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Loved reading this, as I have also been thinking about it. I am recently single, currently in grad school full time (we split up 3/4 way through my first year), and my ex graduated from grad school 2 months before I quit my job for grad school. We had taken turns on who had disposable income, and I can’t help but wonder how my approach to money would be different if I quit my job for school as a single person. I am very grateful to have had a significant amount of savings before I quit and the immense privilege of family members willing to help financially, which I know is not the case for a lot of people! I would be in a much different position if I had to navigate housing and expenses without any savings or family assistance with no full-time job and a massive tuition bill, so much so that I probably would have had to drop out. There were many huge career/education decisions I made based on the future with my ex that are no longer important; I don’t regret any of it, but that’s the reality of life.
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Oh Rachel, I’m glad you had savings and support at least, but that’s a crappy situation and I’m sorry! Wishing you tons of luck as you continue with grad school.
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Yes, TRUTH! It just sucks that the reality of life in the US is work or die. Literally. If you get injured, sick or can’t pay your bills there is no system to help us. In 150+ other countries all citizens have universal healthcare, and if you go to a hospital ER there are no fees. Here in the US, medical debt must be paid even after you go bankrupt or die. In 29 other countries you can get a free college education.
Why do we protect and care for corporations and banks, and care nothing for people? Yes, that’s capitalism, but so many other countries do it better than us. Lets do it better please America! Rise up!
Thanks Nico, for your vulnerability and sharing.
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Absolute truth. I’m not super in favor of doing Capitalism “better” (noting that commerce and trade are not necessarily Capitalism), but for sure, the US is, as a project, attempting to squeeze us all so tight that we’re forced to work forever is so messed. And with many people (and I’m very lucky here because I’m not among them as someone who likes my job) forced to labor for unfair wages or under unfair contracts and in poor conditions just to survive, things look pretty bleak sometimes. But we have each other!
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Fistbump from the UK’s cost-of-living crisis. I strongly agree that there’s a lot of profiteering going on in these so-called inevitable price rises.
I’m a disabled abuse survivor who bitterly regrets leaving my abuser because now I’m trapped in damp, mouldy social housing (Environmental Health doesn’t care; lord knows many of us neighbours have tried to get something done) with skyrocketing rent, but can’t risk applying for Housing Benefit because then I’d get pushed off disability-specific benefits and onto Universal Credit, the rubbish system all our separate benefits in the UK are slowly being dissolved into, and which would force me into working more than the very limited amount my health allows.
Meanwhile, the NHS is falling apart (especially in my corner of the UK, where our regional government collapsed for a while so no budgetary decisions could be made) and I worry about the medical testing that’s now two years late. Don’t even ask about people’s access to trans healthcare here.
So many people are living in precarity because the system sees people who are poor, disabled or both as subhuman – which makes it acceptable to pursue hostile economic policies against us. This whole economic system is defective by design, and someone up there is getting rich off us all.
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Thank you Danni. Yeah, when people are like “why didn’t you just leave?” so many people could answer “with what money?” I’m sorry that you’re stuck in such tight circumstances right now. And Lordy about the mold and the damp and even working together with your neighbors not helping. I’ll be thinking of you.
And yes, the very very wealthy are only getting wealthier as all this continues.
From this article which also links to a report on world wealth inequality “”If there is one lesson to be learnt from the global investigation carried out in this report, it is that inequality is always political choice,” said Lucas Chancel, co-director of the Paris School of Economics’ World Inequality Lab and lead author of the report, in a statement.”
Hacksreturns for its third season this week, bringing back together our favorite toxic work wives Deborah (Jean Smart) and Ava (Hannah Einbinder) for another romp through the farcical worlds of Hollywood, standup comedy, and Las Vegas. We pick up a year after the events of last season, when Deborah’s confessional standup special became an overnight sensation and she subsequently fired Ava in order to push her to work on her own art instead of just writing for her. In other words, we ended with a creative breakup.
We pick up in season three with a fakeout, too. The premiere opens with a long tracking shot from behind as we follow a glitzy-glam woman from behind who we’re meant to believe is Deborah before it’s revealed she’s just a casino showgirl on her way to promote the unveiling of a Deborah-themed slot machine. Deborah has indeed grown too big for her Vegas stage. She’s busy riding the career high of her sensational special, performing in front of audiences who laugh before she even gets to the punchline. Hacks is one of my favorite works of art about making art, and right away in its season three premiere, it starts asking probing, illuminating, difficult-to-answer questions, such as: What if you make it to the supposed top of your field and still feel unsatisfied? Watching Deborah tell jokes in front of an audience that eats everything up almost too much, there’s a sense she’d almost feel more, that it would almost mean more to her if she were bombing.
I often worry about shows as well written and tightly executed as Hacks overstaying their welcome, but the third season as a whole proves Hacks has a lot more to give. That’s all I’ll say about the season holistically for now so as to avoid spoilers and also because I’ll be writing about the season weekly (which won’t take the shape of beat-by-beat recaps but rather deeper dives into standout moments, themes, and scenes). But just know: If you were among those who (myself included!) wondered if Hacks should come back for more, rest assured. It’s still very much giving.
These first two episodes of season three really reinforce one of my favorite throughlines of the show: its positioning of creative partnership as every bit as meaningful and intimate as a romantic relationship. When I call Ava and Deborah toxic work wives, it’s only kind of a joke. They are the embodiment of a working relationship with bad boundaries, blurring lines between the professional and personal. But Hacks simultaneously zeroes in on these power imbalances and problems while complicating matters even further by showing there’s truth, depth, and maybe even a little good to be found in this kind of artistic marriage. Ava and Deborah push each other creatively. They’re unlikely collaborators, but when they hit their stride, their comedic chemistry in undeniable. It’s not that writing partners should aspire to their level of cruelty and codependency but rather that there’s a level of raw authenticity and sincerity to their relationship.
They are, for better or worse, the most important people in each other’s lives, especially because their other built-in relationships that are supposed to be meaningful (Deborah’s relationship with her daughter and her sister, Ava’s relationship with her mother) are so fucked up. Deborah and Ava have grappled with those other fractured relationships by obsessing over their work, their writing, and now those things are tied up in each other.
As such, the first two episodes unfold with the exact same beats as if two exes were reconnecting and then having emotional affairs with each other. In the premiere, Deborah and Ava end up in an elevator together, and it’s every bit as awkward as two ex-wives running into each other. Ava plays up her recent work in an attempt to prove to Deborah she’s doing great without her. She brags about getting back with her hot girlfriend Ruby who’s in a Marvel series now. Deborah doesn’t really take the bait. Ava accepts an invitation to a drink in Deborah’s hotel room, and at first it’s alright. They’re falling back into their groove.
And then they’re falling back into old habits. They’re reminded of the exact things that drove them apart in the first place. They do the thing divorced couples do: rehash old fights, slip into past versions of themselves, undoing any potential progress they’ve made. Ava informs Deborah she actually had to go to couples therapy with Ruby because of Deborah firing her and then never answering her texts. Ava tells Deborah she hurt her feelings by going No Contact, and you really feel her words…even if Deborah with her extreme intimacy issues cannot. Hacks is never cloying, but it often injects these more tender moments amid all its acidity.
They go their separate ways at episode’s end, but they find themselves still thinking about each other. Because yes, they hurt each other a lot in the past, but they learned a lot from each other, too, and those lessons end up having renewed resonance at episode’s end.
So, two exes reconnected and what happens next? A full-on, all new honeymoon phase. Episode two opens with a montage of Ava and Deborah obsessively texting each other jokes, punchups, observations, pithy remarks, updates, just about everything. Again, this sequence could easily be lifted and mapped onto a story about two exes thrown back into each other’s lives having a bit of an emotional affair. After all, Ava doesn’t tell Ruby who she’s talking to so much.
And Deborah is stepping out to talk to Ava in her own way, too. After first being asked to be a guest in the late night slot that she vied so hard to get earlier in the career before losing to a man, she finds herself suddenly tapped as fill-in host when the host gets sick. She’s thrown into an emergency writer’s room, but she ignores all their bad pitches as well as the mid pitches from her Ava replacements (played by Dylan Gelula and Jordan Gavaris, who frankly deserve more screentime than they get) to text and talk with Ava. The other writers are visibly annoyed about her choosing to creatively “cheat” on them with someone who isn’t even in the room. Just as Deborah is about to ask Ava to come by, Ava magically shows up, and the two get to work. It goes so well, Deborah asks Ava to come write for her again because the late night slot is opening up and she wants to fight for it. Ava has a hiatus from the show she’s working on coming up, so the timing is perfect.
Well, not quite so. Ava is supposed to spend that hiatus traveling abroad with Ruby, who will be shooting. In a classic sitcom-y snafu throughout the episode, Ava erroneously thinks Ruby is going to propose and spends the whole episode anticipating it. When Ruby at first balks at Ava saying she doesn’t want to come with her anymore, Ava tries to propose. The ring she found earlier in the episode though isn’t an engagement ring at all but rather a prop for the superhero series. It’s how Ruby’s character Wolfgirl gets her powers.
The failed proposal gag is funny, but then it’s deepened into something real when Ava reveals she’s going back to work with Deborah. Ava is shocked. The woman they were in couples therapy about? It’s a betrayal. Plus, she points out Ava and Deborah’s dynamic was toxic, borderline abusive. She slapped her. She was going to sue her. Deborah wasn’t just a difficult boss, and their working relationship wasn’t just tense. It was destructive. And while Ava is far from a perfect person — or even a good person most of the time — Ruby isn’t wrong about her characterization of their dynamic as being particularly harmful for Ava, with Deborah in a clear position of power over her. And now she’s sliding right back into that.
It speaks to the quality of writing on Hacks that I simultaneously agree with every single thing Ruby says and also root for Ava to go back to Deborah. It’s easy to be charmed by Ava and Deborah at their best, and throughout the episode they’re clicking in the exact way their creative partnership thrives on. Artistic collaboration often entails deep intimacy. Deborah and Ava are two people who don’t know how to go halfspeed on anything, so they dive right back into each other and start neglecting the other people in their lives. Ruby asks Ava for space, Ava’s reconnection with Deborah basically ending her relationship. She chooses Deborah, as she too often does.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
I adore this show and am continually amazed by how much the excellent writing and performances make me want what I shouldn’t want (like Ava going back to Deborah!). The entire cast of characters is just so good. I also love that it feels like each season leans more into its queerness (Ava’s in particular, but in myriad ways). Looking forward to reading along with your write-ups, Kayla!
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I knew I’d like this show and finally caught up before the premiere. The writing and acting on display are absolutely top notch! Could not agree with you more that Ava and Deborah are being presented as exes reconnecting
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Oh i am so ready! I was worried when I heard it was coming back because the ending of s2 was so perfect, but this is fantastic. Very excited for your further deep dives!
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This has by FAR been my favourite show of the pandemic era, and I am SO GLAD it’s back!
Absolutely agree that presenting them as exes was intentional, and it works perfectly because that’s what they basically are? I feel a little bad for Ruby, but girl is hot, and on a Marvel show. She’ll be fine.
I love teen comedies. Growing up in the 90s and 00s, movies made for teens were top tier entertainment, and you could find me sat and ready. So when I heard about the new Hulu movie Prom Dates I was intrigued — the plot reminded me of my favorite movies from this golden era.
In Prom Dates, best friends Jess and Hannah (played by Antonia Gentry and Julia Lester respectively) hope to fulfill the pact they made when they were 13 to have the best prom ever. But now, it’s the day before, and both girls find themselves without dates. Determined to get things back on track, Jess and Hannah set out to find new dates, and chaos ensues.
Prom Dates is not a bad movie, but it’s also not a good movie. It feels like they were trying to go for a female-led Superbad, but the end result falls flat. The characters aren’t interesting enough, and I don’t think I did much more than chuckle the whole time.
The movie opens with young Jess and Hannah making their “prom pact” by cutting their palms open in a blood oath. Hannah cuts too deep and blood comes spurting out, eventually smeared down the chest of a female prom goer. (This isn’t the only time bodily fluids are played for the joke. Blood comes up again, as well as vomit.) Fast forward to the present. Jess is going to prom with the hottest guy at school in an attempt to win prom queen — even though it’s clear that he’s not that into her — and Hannah’s boyfriend Greg does a big promposal for Hannah — even though it’s clear she’s not that into him.
That evening, Jess finds out her hot boyfriend is cheating on her and promptly breaks up with him. Meanwhile, Greg tells Hannah he’s decided to go to Penn State instead of Stanford to be with her causing her to freak out and leave. The girls meet up at Hannah’s to regroup, and Hannah tells Jess she’s a lesbian. One of the reasons she freaked out about Greg transferring is because she was excited to live her best gay life in college, and now she’s afraid she’ll have to keep up the lie.
What comes next was my favorite moment of the movie. Jess tells Hannah she’s known she was a lesbian for a while, and when Hannah asks why she never said anything, Jess replies, “It’s not my story to tell.” That’s when they make their plan: They’re going to find new prom dates and still have their best prom ever. Jess will find a hot guy, and Hannah will find the lesbian of her dreams. Except Hannah already has a dream lesbian — it’s classmate Angie (played by Terry Hu, who you may remember from Never Have I Ever) who Hannah was fantasizing about before Greg’s promposal. But she decides she can’t ask Angie, and the girls set off.
This was the point where the movie lost it for me. Each new situation the girls find themselves in feels like it’s checking off a box from an imaginary list of things that teen comedies are supposed to have. The girls end up at a party being thrown by their former classmate known as Vodka Heather (played by Zión Moreno) that is filled with your typical teen movie debauchery. They are greeted at the door with shots, and Hannah begins drinking random alcohol she finds. She then encounters Heather, who peer pressures her into doing a bump of cocaine to make it easier to talk to girls. Hannah then has her first make out session that ends with an unfortunate surprise I shall leave unspoiled.
While I had higher hopes overall for a screenwriter who says they “spend most of their time being gay,” Hannah’s coming out storyline is done well. She admits to Jess that the first time Greg went down on her, she had to picture Rachel Weisz in The Mummy to orgasm, which felt real. (I did however wonder if Gen Zers are still using The Mummy as a gay awakening.) Julia Lester is queer and she brings an authenticity to Hannah, as she did playing queer on High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.
All in all, Prom Dates could have been a lot worse. If you’re looking for a mindless movie to put on and zone out to, this would be perfect. It’s just that in 2024, I’m hoping for something a little better than fine. Yes, I know that as an adult I’m not the intended audience, but I think teens also have higher standard. In the end, it didn’t live up to its premise — or the teen movies of decades past.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Sa'iyda is a writer and mom who lives in LA with her partner, son and 3 adorable, albeit very extra animals. She has yet to meet a chocolate chip cookie she doesn't like, spends her free time (lol) reading as many queer romances as she can, and has spent the better part of her life obsessed with late 90s pop culture.
GLAAD’s annual “Where We Are on TV” report was released this week, and was a bit bleak. We’re losing characters across scripted broadcast programming, and of all 468 LGBTQ characters counted across broadcast, cable and streaming networks, 36% won’t be returning due to cancellations, the miniseries/anthology format, or a character dying or otherwise exiting the show. We’ve talked a lot around here about how much these cancellations are f*cking our community, and recently listed more than 52 shows with lesbian and bisexual characters cancelled after one season.
But you wouldn’t know how desperately our community needs more LGBTQ+ characters on television from doing what I do every month, which is google all kinds of combinations of new show names and networks to figure out if they’re going to be showcasing LGBTQ characters. This is something I have to do to write the monthly streaming guide. And while those searches often turn out useful information, they also deliver, inevitably, a Reddit thread or Quora thread of people complaining about there being too many LGBTQ characters on television, or worrying that their favorite comic book is going to be “woke-ified” in its transition to television. Sometimes I copy and save my very favorite lines from these complaints to laugh at them and today seemed like a good moment to share them with the group.
The following excerpts have been ripped mercilessly out of context from comments on Quora, Reddit and other message boards about LGBTQ+ representation on television from homophobes who claim to not be homophobic.
1. “I’m not homofobic or anything like that but I’m sorry that isn’t the reality most people aren’t gay”
2. “I’m sick of the LGBTQIAZLWPD what the fuck ever. If you wanna scissor your girlfriend or puff each other’s peter… go do it. But, stop trying to shove the mess in my face.”
3. “When LGBTQ people talk about love, I cringe because they are always whining, complaining, and getting offended by everyone, every sentence, and every single normal shit.”
4. “At this point it feels like Apple is basically saying all Japanese women are homosexual which seems pretty darn racist to be honest.”
5. “As a straight man myself, I support gay rights and want people to be happy. But in real life, people keep their sex lives behind closed doors. So being forced to see men make out and have love scenes regularly now on TV makes me physically uncomfortable.”
6. “Tomorrow bestiality would start creeping into media, because apparently these hay-wired creative people would go overboard with their love for their pets.”
7. “I was watching a show the other day for the first time, I thought the plot was really cool, within the first two minutes a boy took another boy into his bedroom and they started kissing. Why?”
8. “enough we get it we are all equals thank you.”
9. “I’ve visited and stayed at the Disney World resort six or seven times; it seems they’ve taken a more drastic stance in the last few years as I don’t remember their push for gay this and gay that being so upfront and unceasingly…annoying.”
10. “Forcing Gay characters into all Netflix content makes me want to CANCEL IT! I should be able to EASILY FILTER GAY CONTENT!”
11. “There’s a gay person in every show now. That’s not even realistic. I rarely see someone who you can see is gay in my daily life. It’s ridiculous.”
12. “The media/Glam industry has so many Gay people at the top, they almost control the industry. So they go overboard and blow trumpets on everyone. This over representation sometimes backfires. Hence we have Gay pride parades, forced gay characters in every series.”
13. “Every show. EVERY single show has the SAME lesbian character and for some reason they think it’s cute to show long drawn out gratuitous kissing scenes. I don’t think I’ve seen a heterosexual love scene in a movie or television show in like 9 years!”
14. “I don’t care what you losers have to say, keep blowing each other.”
15. “I watched Killing Eve to the end on NF. But truth be told, if I had known nearly every female was going to be bi or lesbian, I would not have bothered.”
16. “9-1-1 has at least 13 lgbtq+ characters. I’m not taking a side in this. But by the numbers. That’s severe over representation. I am all for representation some of my favorite people are lgbt+. But just making characters that started out straight into queer characters for the sake of representation is disingenuous and hurts the cause.”
17. “I think the show-runners are actually exploiting lgbtq people. Like every scene I watch on these new shows that involves a gay person, the gay person is always dying to turn a corner and kiss their lover. I would be offended, and feel it’s insulting.”
18. “Please don’t reject God. Submit to Jesus Christ and be FREE!
19. “I know gay people exist, I don’t need to be reminded every time I watch tv… Anyone thinking this makes me homophobic, I feel the same way about vegans and gluten intolerance. Just shut up already and leave the rest of us alone.”
20. “By breaking in our houses through TVs and forcing our brains to see gay people all the times, MANY PEOPLE BECAME GAY”
21. “I just want murder and mayhem not activism. If I want social commentary, there are plenty of avenues.”
22. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Being gay is NOT a personality.”
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Boy, do I WISH we had the kind of over-the-top, ubiquitous representation. These people say that we do. Also, according to them if we’re all going to be equals, we should cancel all street love scenes on TV! How would they like that one? Makes me so mad!
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for real!!!! most of what they describe as their personal hell is my personal fantasy
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“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Being gay is NOT a personality.”
excuse me this is a personal attack
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They just haven’t seen what some of us are capable of.
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exactly!
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Props to the guy who watched all of Killing Eve and then was like “if I had known this gay show was gay, which is absolutely clear from episode one…bb, I wouldn’t have bothered!”
Pal, you bothered for THIRTY TWO WHOLE HOURS.
But I am weirdly into “go overboard and blow trumpets on everyone” as gay culture?
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like was this guy really watching it for like the stuff about M15 and The Twelve that the rest of us zoned out on entirely bc we were there for the characters and specifically their GaYnEss
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Which in itself is just Fiona Shaw being a top.gov in my humble, gay opinion!
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Haha eat it, number 19: I’m both gay and gluten intolerant.
(Also “puffing their Peter” is an excellent euphemism I hadn’t heard before but instantly understood. It is a little masculine though.)
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The most out-there comment along these lines which I’ve ever seen was “There’s no reason to include a gay character unless your show is about molesting children”. I mean it might have been trolling, but still, OMG wut
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I probably shouldn’t be cracking up at these posts, but it’s hard not to.
#1 It’s basically saying that it’s not true that most people aren’t gay, so the joke is on you, homophobe creeper.
#5 Physically ill? Maybe you need to do some self reflection about why. Also, since when do straight people (especially on media) keep sexual stuff “behind closed doors”?
#11 Seriously? Oh, never mind. I can’t even.
#13 Yeah we definitely are suffering from a lack of hetero sex scenes. It’s like a national emergency.
#19 I can’t even.
#20 That’s right; it’s contagious. Lock up your wives and hide your daughters.
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oh you are definitely supposed to be cracking up at these posts, i feel like these loons have no idea how funny they are!!
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I have seen such comments many times, sometimes I wonder if they are humans or robots who accept and believe whatever they are told. Because a person who does not think and does not have emotions is not a person.
When they understand that a movie, series, game or animation has a queer character, they behave as if it is a weak work with all the characters being gay, like the animation Lightyear.
Of course, I agree that Lightyear was not a quality animation, but at least it was better than The Super Mario Bros :)
And if it is an action work and the queer character is a woman, they call it anti-male, like The Last of Us part II.
The interesting thing is, if you ask those people about the story of the work, you will find that most of them have not seen that work.
However, it’s hard to see a work you hate (because of queer characters).
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Unfortunately, the number of canceled queer works, especially queer women, is really high, I hope queers try to support better.
Services like Netflix, Paramount or Disney are just looking for an excuse to immediately cancel those works, even sometimes they delete that work like the Willow.
By supporting these works, we are not only repaying the kindness of those who worked hard to make these works for us, but sometimes that work is also a gift to future generations.
For example, I watched She-Ra and the Princesses of Power a few years ago, and I’m really grateful to everyone who made it.
But because of the people who supported and watched it, I was able to see that wonderful animation, those lovable characters, that masterpiece final episode and that unique final kiss which is the best kiss I’ve ever seen.
If this animation was canceled, I would never be able to see any of them, I can only say thank you for not letting the animation be canceled.
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Omg, imagine being able to ” EASILY FILTER GAY CONTENT!” to the degree that “I don’t think I’ve seen a heterosexual love scene in a movie or television show in like 9 years!”…that is the goal, #s 10 and 13, not a problem!
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yes like… actually that is an ideal world that you are describing !!
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Yeah you should get onto #13, clearly they are better at finding queer content than any of us are!
It’s the first of May, a beautiful day in which we might want to say, what’s gonna be gay on our teevees today? Well I have that information for you in what is a surprisingly robust slate of television shows and cinema films available streaming on Netflix, Hulu, HBO Max, Prime Video, Apple TV+, Peacock and Paramount+Showtime.
Also BIG NEWS which’s that we’re debuting some brand new newsletters this month for AF+ members including one about TV from me and one about film from Drew and if you wanna get on those lists, you can do so right here.
Netflix Will Deliver This Unto The Gays in May 2024
Beautiful Rebel (2024) // May 2nd
This Italian musical biopic covers the life and groundbreaking career of queer Italian rock star Gianna Nannini, “one of the most incisive and renowned voices of our music.” Telling her story from childhood into the roots of her life and consecration, Beautiful Rebel promises to “takes the audience on a journey into the life and creative mind of a woman capable of shaping emotions with poetry and music.”
Lola (2024) // May 2nd
Nicola Peltz Beckham’s directorial debut is set in the Los Angeles suburbs and stars Nicola Peltz Beckham as Lola James, a 19-year-old struggling to earn the money necessary to get her gender-nonconforming younger sibling, Arlo (Luke David Blumm), out of the home they share with her alcoholic and super-religious mother.
Bodkin: Limited Series // May 9
A crew of podcasters are investigating a murder in a small Irish town in this darkly comedic thriller in which “our heroes try to discern fact from fiction – about the case, about their colleagues, and, most painfully, themselves.” Siobhán Cullen is Dove, a lesbian “hard nosed investigative journalist” who is very skeptical of everybody and also authority and hypocrisy. She’s been thrown onto this podcast project against her will after tragic fallout to a story she’d covered as a journalist.
A Simple Favor (2018) // May 19
Classic bisexual film A Simple Favor stars Blake Lively as a charismatic and intriguing hottie who wears 17-piece suits and Anna Kendrick is a mommy blogger who’s kid befriends Blake’s kid but then Blake goes missing and it’s pretty wild, I highly recommend!
HBO Max’s LGBTQ+ TV and Movies For May 2024
Hacks: Season Three Premiere // May 2
Season Three begins with Deborah Vance as “a newly world-beating comedian operating solo” and Ava staffed on a “Last Week Tonight”-esque late-night comedy show, but of course they will be brought back together again as Deborah’s career takes off and she finally has the opportunity to do her own late-night show again. According to Variety, Season Three finds Ava “alternately acting as mastermind, cheerleader and occasional best frenemy,” a position that “gives this season its crackle and verve, and brings new life into a show that’s been off the air for two years.” Also Christina Hendricks is mounting her in the trailer? We’ll also be getting more of deeply beloved queer actor Megan Stalter!
Pretty Little Liars Summer School: Season 2 Premiere // May 9
The girls from Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin are back and this time they’re headed to summer school, but there’s a new villain in town who might have a connection to A and will put all of their relationships with each other to the test. Queer character Mouse is returning, as is her trans boyfriend Ash, and in the trailer we’ve also got Noa kissing a new character Jen (queer actor Ava Capri), her former “juvie cell mate” who returns to school and “draws Noa into messy drama.” (You may recognize Capri from her queer storyline in Love, Victor.)
Thirst With Shay Mitchell: Season One // May 23rd
Queer actor Shay Mitchell is “exploring the world one drink at a time” as she visits exciting locations, samples unique ingredients, encountering new drink trends, the best bars and 8,000 years of sipping history.
Hulu’s LGBTQ+ May 2024
Jeopardy! Masters: Season Two Premiere // May 2
Debuting on May 1st on ABC, Jeopardy! Masters will feature the six highest-ranking current Jeopardy! contestants competing across ten episodes.This will include non-binary Canadian competitor Mattea Roach and the legendary trans lesbian contestant Amy Schneider.
Prom Dates (2024) // May 3
Best friends Jess and Hannah (queer actor Julia Lester) want to have the perfect senior prom because of a pact they made 13 years ago, which’s a bit silly but ok! 24 hours prior to the big event, their plans fall apart when both girls break up with their dates — Hannah doing so because she is in fact gay — and they’ve got a small window in which to find new dates. And now she’s got her eye on a hottie played by Terry Hu.
Black Twitter: A People’s History: Complete Docuseries // May 9
Based on Jason Parham’s WIRED article “A People’s History of Black Twitter,” this docuseries looks at the rise, the movements, the memes, the jokes and the voices that turned Black Twitter into “an influential and dominant force in nearly every aspect of American political and cultural life.” Talking heads include Jenna Wortham, Raquel Willis and Roxane Gay.
Eileen(2023) // May 10
I will be honest I hated this movie but your mileage may vary! It’s more homoerotic than explicitly gay, set in 1960s Massachusetts and following the relationship between two women working in a juvenile detention facility. Eileen is a depressed oddball living with her terrible father ostracized by her peers. She becomes enchanted by a new psychologist, Rebecca Saint John (Anne Hathaway), who joins the prison staff.
Paramount+ Showtime’s LGBTQ+ TV
The Chi: Season 6B Premiere // May 10
In September, Natalie declared Season Six of The Chi “better and gayer” than previous seasons, which we hope will to continue when Brittany, Nina and Dre return when the second batch of Season Six episodes drop in May.
RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars: Season 9 // May 17
Eight returning queens will be competing not only for their own prize money but also for a $200k gift to a charity of their choice. The queens duking it out for top prize are Angeria Paris VanMicheals, Gottmik, Jorgeous, Nina West, Plastique Tiara, Roxxxy Andrews, Shannel and Vanessa Vanjie.
Prime Video’s Queer TV and Cinema
Outer Range: Season 2 // May 16
In Season Two, the Abbotts begin their search for Amy, who disappeared in last season’s finale, and leaning into its supernatural elements. While keeping things as unclear as possible, Prime Video has promised: “Building on Season 1’s thoughtfully laid foundation that set the central mystery in motion, comes an invigorating sophomore season full of payoffs, grounded twists, and liberated character journeys.” Tamara Podemski plays lesbian character Deputy Sheriff Joy Hawk.
Bombshell(2019)
Kate McKinnon plays a lesbian reporter stuck working at Fox News when a new staffer decides it’s time to fight back against CEO Roger Ailes’s rampant sexual harassment of the channel’s talent.
Outlaws: Season 3 // May 31
The Outlaws attempt to move on with their lives while crime boss The Dean awaits trial, but then one of their own returns with a deadly secret, hurling them back into mortal danger! Yikes! They’ve gotta prove their innocence before The Dean’s case collapses and he comes out looking for revenge. Eleanor Tomlinson returns as lesbian influencer Gabrielle Penrose-Howe.
Peacock’s Queer Show
We Are Lady Parts: Season 2 // May 30
It has been a minute since we last had the gift of spending time with this series about an all-female Muslim punk band with a queer drummer. Natalie wrote that Season One has storylines that “fill an often undervalued aspect of representation: offering a reminder that inside each of us, is all of us.” showrunner Nida Manzoor promises a “bolder, sillier, darker and deeper” season two that’ll explore the interior lives of each of the women in more depth.
Apple TV+
Acapulco: Season 3 Premiere // May 1
This charming bilingual comedy hasn’t ever gotten the appreciation it deserves. As Season Three begins, the present-tense narrative finds Maximo returning to a Las Colinas he no longer recognizes. In the 1985 story, young Maximo is still climbing the ladder of success while potentially jeopardizing his relationships. What is important of course to all of us here is that his sister, Sara Gallardo Ramos, is a lesbian, and has a pretty prominent role in the series!
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
SO ready for We Are Lady Parts! Literally going to switch from registered non-user to paying the license fee for this (UK over here)
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BBC take note!
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BBC ARE YOU LISTENING
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Very excited for the return of Hacks and We Are Lady Parts!
UK viewers might be interested to know I Kissed a Girl starts on 5 May on BBC Three and iPLayer (not sure if/when it will be available outside of the UK). I’m not big into reality dating shows – the queer series of The Ultimatum is the only one I’ve watched – but I saw this billed as ‘the UK’s first dating show for girls who like girls’ and that’s enough for me to give it a try.
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ooooh yeah i have seen little rumblings about that show, we will look into it!
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Jurassic World Chaos Theory and I Kissed A Girl should have been on the list.
And as usual, Netflix has nothing special. I am still waiting for a new series from Netflix that will not be canceled :D
But strangely, even though there are so many series in this month, none of them can really be labeled as lesbian romance
For example, Hacks is the story of a one-sided love :D
Outlaws has only one lesbian character and that’s it :)
The only queer main character in the first season of Pretty Little Liars is in a heterosexual relationship (although it would be better if they developed this relationship since the two actors are also in a relationship in real life).
Outer Range is the only series that has a lesbian couple, but they are rarely discussed, and I haven’t seen the rest of the series.
I just hope Jurassic World Chaos Theory sequel Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous doesn’t get cancelled :)
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I hadn’t heard about Jurassic World Chaos Theory, but loved Camp Cretaceous, so will definitely check it out!
Welcome back to No Filter, and happy best month ever! (Yes, I was born in May.) What is No Filter, you ask? Why, it’s the place where I put all the best content from Instagram from some of our favorite famous queers! Let’s rock and roll!
A human mic stand…let’s hear it for human innovation.
Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
So that Sophia Bush post really spoke to me, as a trans woman… I do not know what exactly she’s referring to (sounds like some kind of trauma recovery) but I suspect this is more anecdotes than at least for me, gender dysphoria is actually gender trauma, or at least functions like it…
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Roberta Colindrez…..now Naomi McPherson…. Kate Berlant’s really out here living the dream
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Kate and Naomi is the dream. Naomi has mentioned her “girlfriend Kate” on their Gayotic podcast (which tbh I don’t love but still love them!!!) so it’s totally official.
I went into Dead Boy Detectives knowing there would be boy gays (Dead Boy gays, specifically), so imagine my surprise and delight when lady gays showed up as well! This cute fantasy show ticked a lot of boxes for me, but before we get into it, a little history.
The titular Dead Boy Detectives first appeared in the Neil Gaiman DC comic Sandman and later had some stories of their own. As such, this show is set in the same universe as the TV adaptation of that comic, The Sandman, with some crossover characters like Death (played by Kirby) and Despair (Donna Preston) making an appearance. But, since it was a DC Comic, these characters, played by different actors, also showed up in the show Doom Patrol, which I believe is where the idea of one boy having unrequited love for the other originated, as I can’t find any evidence that was the case in the graphic novels. What’s funny is, when Edwin, Charles, and their human psychic counterpart Crystal Palace showed up in Doom Patrol, I thought to myself, “I’d watch a whole show of this.” And luckily, I didn’t have to wait all that long! While the main trio were recast for the show, there is a nod to the Doom Patrol version in the Night Nurse, played by Ruth Connell in both versions. In other gay-adjacent cast news, Sherri Saum of The Fosters is in a couple of episodes. But in bigger gay news: An episode was directed by Cheryl Dunye, lesbian writer and director of The Watermelon Woman.
In all iterations, the general premise remains the same: Edwin, a ghost who died in 1916, and Charles, who died in 1989, join forces with human psychic Crystal Palace to solve mysteries. In the Doom Patrol version, they were already an established trio, but in Netflix’s Dead Boy Detectives, we get a bit of an origin story. In fact, Edwin (George Rexstrew) is resistant to allow Crystal (Kassius Nelson) to join, claiming adding a human to their mix will just complicate things, when the truth is he’s a bit jealous of the attention Charles (Jayden Revri) is giving the pretty stranger.
A case takes the newly formed trio to Port Townsend to solve the mystery of a missing girl, and despite their previous ability to travel through mirrors, because of a bit of mystical mayhem, they get trapped in the town, forced to contend with local nuisances like an ancient witch determined to obtain immortality and ageless beauty, a Cat King who has the hots Edwin, and more ghostly mysteries than one detective agency can handle.
Since they’re going to be in town a while, Crystal rents a room for cheap above a butcher shop, run by a goth lesbian named Jenny, played by Briana Cuoco, who voices Batgirl in Harley Quinn and who starred alongside her sister Kaley in a few episodes of The Flight Attendant. (Briana is, ironically, a vegetarian, which I learned in the comments of this BTS IG post she made.) Jenny’s whole vibe visually reminds me a bit of Charlotte Sullivan’s character Nicole in the Canadian gem Mary Kills People, and I, for one, am here for it.
Jenny is reluctantly renting out the two rooms she has available to teenagers (Crystal, and her new neighbor Niko), who definitely should be in school but somehow are not, and despite her best efforts to give them the cold shoulder, it’s clear she cares about their safety and wellbeing as she gets pulled deeper and deeper into their antics as the season goes on.
We learn Jenny is a lesbian when she starts receiving love letters from a secret admirer. Niko decides she wants to figure out who these love letters are from, but Jenny is sure she doesn’t want to know. She says she knows every eligible bachelorette in town already: the perils of being gay in a small town. Besides, she’s enjoying these letters, and what if taking it further ruins the magic?
But Niko meddles anyway, and they discover the secret admirer is Maxine, the eager librarian, and Niko convinces Jenny to go on one (1) date with her before writing her off entirely. The date starts off really cute, Jenny surprisingly shy, and it even touches on one of my favorite romance tropes when Maxine asks, “Can I kiss you?”
“Can I kiss you” gets me every time, I blame Now & Then.
It does unfortunately take a turn I won’t spoil for you here, but Jenny becomes more entangled in the Dead Boy Detective Agency antics, and for that I’m grateful. She is easily and consistently one of the funniest parts of the show, often pointing out how ridiculous Crystal and Niko sound when they’re talking to the boys (because Jenny can’t see them and assumes the girls are losing their minds.) “Adult reluctantly takes responsibility for teens in over their heads” is one of my favorite themes in shows like these.
Despite previously doing her best to stay out of whatever the kids were up to, when Jenny finds out Crystal intends to stomp off to confront her abusive ex alone, Jenny decides to tag along. And when the girls have to rush off to save the boys, she hands them each a meat cleaver…just in case.
Jenny didn’t ask for this responsibility and often didn’t feel up for the challenge, but in the end she cares about these teens, and it shows.
Jenny could have very easily been a caricature — an overly grumpy goth, the Angry Lesbian trope — but Briana Cuoco plays her brilliantly and never crosses that line. Even Jenny’s early attempts at seeming exasperated are tinged in thinly veiled worry. Who knew “goth lesbian butcher” could have so many beautiful layers.
Beautiful, blood-soaked layers.
Overall, the show is really fun. It has supernatural case-of-the-week style mysteries, plus overarching enemies to contend with. It has themes of loss and identity and trauma, all while being funny and irreverent in between its serious moments. And even though we’re here to talk about the sapphic of it all, Edwin’s queerness should also be celebrated. His story was very different from Jenny’s, as he spends most of the season coming out to himself before he can even consider going on dates, good or bad, but it’s all very sweet and tender and heartbreaking and joyful.
I really hope this show gets more seasons. I think the concept lends itself to a multi-season run, and there are still a lot of adventures to be had. I know the #CancelYourGays epidemic has only been getting worse in recent months, but I’m hoping that with the success of its parent show, Sandman, and Neil Gaiman’s general run of popularity lately, that this isn’t ill-placed hope.
I may be a vegetarian, but I want more of this goth lesbian butcher!
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Just a TV-loving, Twitter-addicted nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories. One part Kara Danvers, two parts Waverly Earp, a dash of Cosima and an extra helping of my own brand of weirdo.
So now we have a goth lesbian butcher…
to go with our punk lesbian butcher.
Lesbian butchers might just become a thing.
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Personally, I am tired of seeing queer women die in movies and series.
The producers themselves are not tired of repeating this repetitive stereotype.
I feel like the number of dead queer women characters has surpassed the number of dead straight characters :D
As far as I know, Netflix and Mike Flanagan are the record holders in this field :D
Unfortunately, Netflix kills queer women characters in its works and cancels queer women series easily, in other words, it kills queer women in two different ways.
That’s why I don’t like Netflix. Netflix has become very anti-lesbian since 2020.
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I binged it and really enjoyed it but Netflix put nothing into advertising it so it’s likely dead on arrival like ‘Lockwood & Co’.
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“She can cleave my heart in two any day” … “Beautiful, blood-soaked layers”
“Your Woman” has gained new life in my mind because the writer/artist, Jyoti, is an interesting individual to follow on the fediverse. And indeed is sufficiently queer/gender-fucky to support any interpretation of that song.
Okay I love Any Man of Mine, but Shania’s Man I Feel Like A Woman is the song that belongs on the top of this list for me!