I’m happy and grateful to be out, but I can’t get past feeling like I have created pain and difficulty for so many people.
“Right off the top, it’s crucial for me to say this: being monogamous and being bisexual are not mutually exclusive. This is a really problematic stereotype that has to go, like yesterday.”
When relationships end, we might feel angry or wistful or hurt. Giving ourselves space for all of those feelings is how we bust through the pain and turn it into growth.
Here are some tips to come out at work as safely as possible, and it requires a little bit of preparation in and out of the office.
Be the cool queer cousin you wished for as a kid, the polite way to turn someone down, sex is still great without an orgasm, creating your own queer community when you feel alone in the world, and 20 other questions from everyday readers like you!
Cheating is a form of escape from our current situation; it allows us to momentarily be with someone else, maybe even be someone else, for a night. Honesty has consequences. Cheating, if we don’t get caught, does not.
Having an hour a week devoted to being listened to can lend itself to a misdirection of feelings. It’s easy to dismiss this as a harmless crush, but it can easily spiral out into an obsession that takes away from the real work that needs to be done.
What would it feel like to move forward with curiosity, rather than relying on the comforting familiarity of self-doubt?
If you are out to your friend, or are thinking of coming out to her, and she still holds fast to her SWERF-y beliefs even after you explain how it hurts you, then you have one final choice to make: Stay, or go.
“Release yourself from responsibility. You are not the keeper of your partner’s orgasms. You’re a supporting character. Your partner should play the protagonist in their Great Orgasm Quest.”
What kinda of things are okay to expect from therapy? Should I switch therapists?
“I want to be supportive and happy for her about this new relationship, but instead I have found myself feeling jealous and bitter. It has become increasingly painful for me to see her relationship progress.”
Make sure to be kind and generous to yourself, give yourself plenty of time to process all of these important feelings, and don’t rush it!
No matter what happens, this is a firm truth: You deserve to be seen, affirmed, and loved for exactly who you are.
You’re in luck — kinky sex requires nothing but two (or more) bodies and a little imagination.
You may have to drop some cash for a toy that will last for more than one thrust.
Possibly your trauma history is being triggered out of context in this relationship – but maybe it’s not. YOU are the expert, no matter what your trauma history is.
“How can I help her feel confident and in the mood again without sacrificing any more of myself?”
Doing something positive for the world is a constantly moving target.
First of all: Clean your sex toys! Also: homophobia at your day job, supporting your friend when they leave an abusive relationship, and how to start dating when… you’ve absolutely never dated before.