All Aboard, Gays! Gabby Windey Will Host a Reality Dating Show Set on a Yacht

Gabby Windey on a boat

Disney/Andrea Miconi

Hulu’s ‘Love Overboard’ To Be Hosted by Queer ‘Traitors’ Winner Gabby Windey

Queer reality star, podcast host, and former ‘Traitors’ champ Gabby Windey is going to host a new reality show called Love Overboard. (Formerly called Overboard for Love; maybe they were waiting to secure the rights for the Gladys Knight & The Pips song but either way Love Overboard is a MUCH better title.) The show will take place on a yacht, because why not I guess, and will be produced by Call Her Daddy’s Alex Cooper’s company Unwell Productions.

We don’t have a lot of information about this particular dating show at the moment, so it’s unclear whether there will be a queer element to the actual competition. All we know is the show’s description: “As the journey unfolds, romance ignites; alliances form; and hearts are shattered. In the end, only one couple will reign supreme. Who will rise to the top, and who will be left stranded?”

I personally wouldn’t have used so many semi-colons but that’s just me. The description is a little confusing because the contestants are “sexy singles” looking for love, but then also it seems like “only one couple” will be the winners. So it’s not set up like The Bachelor, and because of the elimination aspect it seems like it might not be like Love Is Blind or Are You the One? either. So maybe it’s more like Love Island and pairs get eliminated? Dropped off at random ports??

Or maybe it’s actually secretly a survival show and the real challenge is to escape the yacht experience without getting norovirus.

Here’s hoping that a queer host in Gabby Windey (who is married to writer/comedian/Hacks guest star Robby Hoffman) means there will be some queer people in the mix of this new show.


All Aboard for More Queer News

+ Here are some very fun facts about Poker Face‘s trans star Patti Harrison (but beware, there are spoilers for the Season 2 finale within!!)

+ Dreamers, the first feature directed by producer Joy Gharoro-Akpojotor has been acquired for distribution and is about “roommates” whose relationship grows into “something deeper” which, as you and I both know, is code for something gay

+ The miniseries Hell Motel has lesbians at its center if you, like me, are always on the hunt for more queer horror stories

+ Kim Carnes also didn’t seem to like JoJo Siwa’s cover of Betty Davis eyes, so I’m not alone

+ Check out this vibey vintage movie poster for upcoming queer Margaret Qualley/Aubrey Plaza film Honey, Don’t! on which Aubrey Plaza looks EXTRA gay

+ Murderbot and its gaggle of queers were renewed for a second season

+ Parvati Shallow dressed in drag as Boston Rob to lip-sync with drag queen Jan Sport to sing an apt song: “Shallow” from A Star Is Born

+ Wet Leg’s Rhian Teasdale loves writing songs for her non-binary partner

+ The documentary I ME US tells the stories of the trans community in Cumbria, England

+ Demi Lovato is teasing potential new music that will apparently be “more honest than ever” which I am very much ready for

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 658 articles for us.

Rosie O’Donnell In Blazers, 1992 – 1999

As you may know, a blazer is how power lesbians and power-lesbian-adjacent humans radiate their power. Lesbians have been blazing trails in the fashion fields of blazers since the beginning of time, as established in the scholarly work 12 Monumental Moments In Lesbian Blazer-Wearing History (Bernard, 2013), which studied prominent blazers as worn by blazer hotshots including Melissa Etheridge, kd Lang and the author. The limited sample size analyzed for that study did not offer the author a chance to zoom in on the specific blazer history of a single subject, but luckily for us all (and for academia) that time has now arrived. The single subject we will be approaching in this work is the one and only Rosie O’Donnell, star of The Flintstones.

The ’90s have been established as a key moment when lesbian fashion and fashion-fashion collided spectacularly. While it remains true that every blazer is a little bit gay (Honey Boo Boo, 2012), the oversized-blazer trend of the ’90s was slightly more gay than the aggressively shoulder-padded blazers of the ’80s and the cropped, boxy, and often very shiny blazers of the ’00s.

I have been a consistent appreciator of Rosie O’Donnell‘s since the ’90s and have always found her to be warm, smart and funny in person. She has also consistently been a target of lesbophobia, most recently from the actual president of the united states. In the early 2020s, I was delighted to witness a cross-generational resurgence in Rosie O’Donnell celebration as the world flocked to her very popular TikTok account and enjoyed her guest spot on The L Word: Generation Q. This past year, she moved to Ireland to escape the Trump administration and has been spotted on Hacks and And Just Like That….

Rosie is an interesting subject for fashion analysis because she very much prefers casual-wear whenever possible and once wrote in Elle Magazine, “the truth is, I have no fashion sense—never did.” Unfortunately, when you are famous you have to pick a look and wear nice clothing to events. Fortunately for a lesbian, you could usually just throw on an enormous blazer. Let us begin with this paper I am submitting for peer review.

this post was originally published in 2021 and has been updated for 2025.


March 1992. Celebrity Ski Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell during 1992 VH1's Celebrity Ski in Squaw Valley, California, United States. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic, Inc)

Rosie O’Donnell during 1992 VH1’s Celebrity Ski in Squaw Valley, California, United States. (Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic, Inc)

Ah, to be a guest at VH1’s 1992 “Celebrity Ski” event in Squaw Valley, California, which apparently involved relaxing days on the slopes with other celebrities and evenings in what looks like a hotel conference room where the audience was treated to the sweet sweet sounds of Kenny G and Smokey Robinson. Also in attendance was our very own Rosie O’Donnell, who had been working at VH1 since becoming a VJ in 1988 and then hosting a comedy show called “Stand Up Spotlight.” This blazer tells you everything you need to know but are not yet able to say: “I am gay and I am prepared for long Canadian winters.”

June 1992: Completely Innocent Blazer Ensemble

Rosie O'Donnell (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

Rosie O’Donnell (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

For the premiere of A League Of Their Own, Rosie chose a traditional look that my Social Studies teacher would’ve definitely worn to an evening event in the school auditorium, but Rosie pulls it off with absolute panache. Somehow white blazers seem less gay than other types of blazers, but still this outfit subtly suggests “this was a compromise between a dress and what I actually wanted to wear.” She repeated the unassuming ensemble for the 1993 premiere of Sleepless in Seattle.

June 1992: A League Of Her Own Blazer

Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell (Photo by Kevin Mazur Archive/WireImage)

This oversized black blazer with gold embroidered fleur-de-lis was undoubtedly one of Rosie O’Donnell’s most beloved blazers of the ’90s, and she wore it to several events, including the after-party of the premiere of A League of Their Own with new bestie Madonna. This blazer says “I may be a lesbian who isn’t allowed to come out yet, but I am also a Catholic Saint of France and Madonna is holding my hand.”

August 1992: Wild Animal Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

Rosie O’Donnell (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

This Blazer was a Choice, this overall presentation was a Look, and she wore it to host the 1992 Emmys. Recently The Hollywood Reporter did a piece lamenting a time “before an army of Hollywood designers glammed up TV’s Big Night” when “talent was eager to show off individual flair” and Rosie’s velvet pants, leopard-print blazer and matching cap were a prominent feature of the piece celebrating celeb’s “wackier takes on fashion.”

On the other side of the coin, Entertainment Weekly slandered this blazer by referring to it as “leopard print PJs” in which Rosie “looked like she’d rolled out of bed and onto the red carpet.” Homophobia at its finest. I would excuse this judgement had it been made in 1992, but it was unfortunately made in 2012, at which point Rosie was already out and therefore protected by the Lesbians Can Wear PJs as Pants Rule.

October 1992: Politically Active Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell during "A River Runs Through It" Los Angeles Premiere at Academy Theater in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

Rosie O’Donnell during “A River Runs Through It” Los Angeles Premiere at Academy Theater in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

You’re interested in rocking the vote in the direction of the Clinton/Gore ticket and you’ve been invited to the Los Angeles premiere of the Brad Pitt film “A River Runs Through It.” What do you do? You simply put on a blazer and a Clinton-Gore hat for a Tomboy Look that absolutely Works for me. This shiny black blazer is too long in the arms but that’s okay, you do not fear a cuff. Yes you are wearing khakis and a t-shirt and a literal baseball cap to a movie premiere. But it’s okay, it was a casual movie premiere: Jodi Foster was swallowed by a sweater and a man on her way to the theater, Melissa Etheridge did a Canadian tuxedo and Catherine Keener only wore half a shirt. What we were all doing that year was our best.

August 1993. Swallow Me Blazer

165644 05: Comedienne Rosie O''Donnell attends the Cirque Du Soleil August 1, 1993 in Chicago, IL. The acclaimed circus show has forged an alliance against AIDS with Elizabeth Taylor and will donate the proceeds from tonight's performance to the Howard Brown Health Center and Chicago House. (Photo by Barry King/Liaison)

Comedienne Rosie O”Donnell attends the Cirque Du Soleil August 1, 1993 in Chicago, IL. The acclaimed circus show has forged an alliance against AIDS with Elizabeth Taylor and will donate the proceeds from tonight’s performance to the Howard Brown Health Center and Chicago House. (Photo by Barry King/Liaison)

Did anyone iron this camel-colored linen blazer? Probably not, but that’s okay, because I believe that is what we call “rumpled” and it reflects a casual lesbian lifestyle in which one cannot be fussed with such things.

March 1994: Duster-Blazer-Gown

Nick Park Holding His Oscar with Presenter Rosie O'Donnell

Nick Park Holding His Oscar with Presenter Rosie O’Donnell (Photo by © Steve Starr/CORBIS/Corbis via Getty Images)

This blazer says “I am the real deal from head to toe and although this bra is sucking my ribcage out of my torso, my boobs look amazing.”

June 1994: All That Glitters Is Not Gold Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell and Bebe Neuwirth during 48th Annual Tony Awards

Rosie O’Donnell and Bebe Neuwirth during 48th Annual Tony Awards at Marriot Marquis Hotel in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

This is probably the most heterosexual blazer in the series. Although it is glittery, that does not automatically make it queer. This is your Very Hot Divorced Aunt showing up to your wedding in a Long Island Sheraton wearing jewelry she bought on her good-for-nothing ex’s credit card after learning he’d been cheating on her. She looks like a million bucks!

September 1995: Is It Okay to Look Gay at a Gay Movie Premiere Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell during "To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" New York Premiere at Ziegfeld Theater in New York City, New York, United States

Rosie O’Donnell during “To Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar” New York Premiere at Ziegfeld Theater in New York City, New York, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

We were mixing a lot of neutrals and doing a lot of shopping at The Gap in 1995 and furthermore it was a wild time for hats. Rosie’s vibe is often along the lines of “okay fine I’ll dress up for this,” and I relate to that vibe and probably wore this same outfit when I went to see Too Wong Fu Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar.

September 1995: Mama’s Silk Pajamas Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell during 47th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Pasadena Civic Auditorium in Pasadena, California, United State

Rosie O’Donnell during 47th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Pasadena Civic Auditorium in Pasadena, California, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

The tint of her sunglasses matches the tint of her suit! Tonight we celebrate her first-ever Primetime Emmy Award nomination, for her self-titled HBO comedy special! She accessorized with a small Poloroid picture of her recently adopted son.

June 1996: The Custom Blazer

Talk show host Rosie O'Donnell on her show in New York City.

Talk show host Rosie O’Donnell on her show in New York City. 6/21/1996 Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

Rosie’s daytime talk show launched in 1996, and she often spoke on her show of how hard it was to find clothes she liked in her size. Within a few months the show assigned her a personal designer, Dale Richards. who aimed to “make O’Donnell look like a typical career woman.” Richards told WWD that there was a dearth of structured options out there for women over a size 14 and “to carry a TV show, you shouldn’t have soft swing coat things, especially with her personality.”  So Richards designed her suits, each inspired by specific suits from labels like Chanel, Escada and Gucci; and worked with a tailor to create the final, entirely hand-tailored and highly-detailed looks. She looked fucking fantastic every day.

September 1996: Cruising Blazer

Tom Cruise and Rosie O'Donnell

Tom Cruise and Rosie O’Donnell during 11th Annual American Cinematheque Moving Picture Ball Honoring Tom Cruise at Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California, United States. (Photo by Jim Smeal/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

When Rosie O’Donnell came out in 2002, many people were surprised due to her oft-stated infatuation with erstwhile Scientologist Tom Cruise. She specified: “I said I wanted him to mow my lawn and bring me a lemonade, I never said I wanted to blow him.”

December 1996: Bette Porter Power Collar

Actresses Rita Moreno, Mary Tyler Moore and comedian Rosie O''Donnell sit together at the New York Women in Film and Television luncheon at the New York Hilton

Actresses Rita Moreno, Mary Tyler Moore and comedian Rosie O”Donnell sit together at the New York Women in Film and Television luncheon at the New York Hilton and Towers December 17, 1996 in New York City. The NYWIFT celebrated their eighteenth year by presenting the 1996 MUSE award for Outstanding Vision and Achievement at their annual gala luncheon. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Liaison)

She came, she saw, she SPLAYED THE COLLAR.

March 1997: Ecru Blazer With Collar Detailing and Emmy Accents

New York City 24th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards Rosie O' Donnell

3/21/97 New York City 24th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards Rosie O’ Donnell CR: RON GALELLA at the Radio City Music Hall in New York City, New York (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

The gayest thing about this blazer is that Rosie O”Donnell cried in public while wearing it, as she accepted the Emmy for Best Daytime Talk Show Host. Crying in public is queer.

May 1998: Shiny Pastel Pinstripe Blazer

Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah Winfrey (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

This glimmering cotton-candy-pink ensemble complimented the gold in Rosie’s first Emmy for Outstanding Talk Show Host, for which she tied with Oprah Winfrey. It was a big year for satin and shimmering concepts in general and we all coped with that in our own ways.

April 1998: K’s Choice Blazer

Rosie O'Donnell in tuxedo

Rosie O’ Donnell during The 11th Annual Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards at UCLA Pauley Pavilion in Westwood, California, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

To host the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards, Rosie wore an oversized button-up shirt and Adidas track pants. But this promotional photograph obscures this eventual choice, outfitting Rosie O’Donnell in her Katherine Hepburn Best. Rosie opened the awards by announcing, “Welcome to the 11th annual Kids Choice Awards, the time when Hollywood’s biggest stars put away the tuxedos and makeup and put on the sneakers and slime because this is the big night where KIDS RULE!!!!!!!!!!!” (WILD APPLAUSE) (ROSIE SCREAMS) (THE CHILDREN SCREAM LOUDER)

December 1998: Blue Velvet Blazer

Rosie in a velvet blazer and a loudspeaker

Rosie O’Donnell’s “For All Kids Foundation” Awards Gala. (photo by Diane Freed)

Richards liked to dress Rosie “mainly in velvet, with full-legged pants paired with shells and shirts” for “evening-wear.” The thing about a velvet blazer is that it has a vaguely magical vibe, and is somehow both fancy and nap-appropriate. Also spotted at this event: Mary Tyler Moore wearing a silver spacesuit and Barbara Walters carting her Rosie doll. Also Hillary Clinton and Bill Gates were there? 1998!

July 1999: Blazer With Baby

Rosie O'Donnell, Julie Andrews, and guest during Summer Gala Benefit Bash for the Bay Street Theatre

Rosie O’Donnell, Julie Andrews, and guest during Summer Gala Benefit Bash for the Bay Street Theatre – July 10, 1999 at Bay Street Theater in Sag Harbor, New York, United States. (Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)

Whereas Mary, mother of Jesus Christ, is consistently pictured in a red robe with a blue mantle in all iterations of the “Madonna With Child” art motif, here we see a variation on that theme. Rather than colors intended to signify the earth and an empress-like divinity, we see an unassuming sand-colored pantsuit intended to signify an easy fashion choice for an evening theater benefit in lush Sag Harbor, New York. However, consistent with later depictions of the Madonna with Child, this photograph does “express a more tender, intimate moment between a mother and her child [and Julie Andrews].” There is no better place to end this case study than right here, as we see all forces collide into one divine, transcendent moment, inspiring all of us to live as if we, too, were surrounded by angels, saints and lesbians [in Blazers].

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3342 articles for us.

19 Comments

  1. the actual sigh of relief i sighed when i came to her custom talk show blazer

    CUSTOM BLAZERS FOR EVERYONE

    • Yes! This piece reminded me that I want a velvet blazer for winter holiday parties where I want to look dressed up but still be warm and comfortable.

    • Boy isn’t it?! This article is an absolute treasure trove, Riese. Well done! 👏🏼🤩

      • thank you both! it is a treasure trove of ’90s imagery i am like a kid on christmas morning

Comments are closed.

Why Are Straight Christian Modesty Influencers Claiming “Tomboy Femme” Like It’s a New Fashion Trend?

The tomboy femme is a relatively new addition to the queer woman’s arsenal of labels and identities, dating back to the late aughts and embodied recently by Billie Eilish’s oversized fits paired with femme nails and the chaotic mixing of masculine and feminine styles in sapphic hit Bottoms (2023). As quickly as the tomboy femme has risen to the heights of wlw stardom, however, she’s also grabbed the attention of an unexpected internet subculture: Christian influencers. These days, you might be as likely to see a queer woman showing you how to dress ‘tomboy femme’ as a straight woman. In greater numbers, Christian women have taken to Instagram and TikTok to complain that their cargo-wearing religious modesty gets them mistaken for lesbians.

A 2024 asos piece discussing the “Tiktok-trending Tomboy Femme aesthetic” describes it as “elevating sporty cuts with subtle feminine details” and cites Bella Hadid and Kylie Jenner as Tomboy Femme icons. It’s one of many articles that erases the tomboy femme aesthetics’ roots in lesbian and sapphic communities. For queer women, “tomboy femme” was never a fashion trend so much as it was a label that described the way they already dressed and presented themselves, but just hadn’t picked a word for.

It’s surprising, in the endless culture wars, to see so many Christian women lamenting being read as queer because of their “tomboy femme” style, reflecting shifting ideas around modesty, and laying bare how easy it is to ahistorically appropriate queer culture for content. As masculine dress for women becomes normalised, we’ve forgotten how recently it was still unacceptable for women to wear pants and how queer-coded dressing like a ‘tomboy’ used to be, and for some, still is.

But, is any of this harmful? Should we shrug off straight women’s adoption of “tomboy femme”? Is it a problem that modesty influencers rarely consider the queer activist histories that enable them to dress in a way that definitely would have gotten them labelled a dyke not long ago?


What is a tomboy femme? 

The tomboy femme combines two older lesbian and bisexual identities: the tomboy and the femme.

Tomboys have their vague origins in the 19th century — girls like Jo March, pushing back against Victorian social norms, preferring sports and trucks and climbing trees over playing house with baby dolls.

By the early twentieth century, the tomboy was sometimes seen as a threateningly queer type of girl, who might (if her tomboyishness stuck around into her teenage years) turn out to be a very abnormal type of woman — a lesbian. Throughout the last century, fears that tomboys would become queer adult women were widely held, though not always accurate, and, in the face of a world that preferred pretty little girls turning into heterosexual wives, sapphic communities frequently reclaimed the term “tomboy” for their own purposes. What exactly a tomboy is outside of homophobic fear-mongering in twentieth-century parenting manuals varies: a tomboy is often synonymous with baby butches and chapstick lesbians, not quite masculine enough to be a butch or a stud, but far from a femme.

The femme, unlike the tomboy, has its origins specifically within the butch/femme dynamics of working-class lesbians in the 1940s. Since the 1990s, the term has been used to more generally describe any and all feminine people, interchangeably with ‘fem’, “femme” arose as a queer identifier for women who were the feminine counterpart to the masculine butch, an erotic identity as much about feminine gender expression as desiring masculine-presenting women. There are many variations on the femme, what you could call the multigendered femme spectrum, from the hyperfemininity of the high femme right down to the tomboy femme herself.

A tomboy femme might also be a ‘futch’, a ‘butchy femme’ or a ‘soft butch’ judging by the aesthetic similarities of people who use these self-identifiers, but, noticeably, these identities and gender expressions haven’t taken off quite as much outside of queer communities. This is likely because whilst ‘butch’ has kept its explicitly queer connotations, femme, so linguistically similar to feminine, has lost much of its queer charge, a less threatening term for a straight woman or even a closeted queer woman to use without explicitly signalling queerness.

The combined term “tomboy femme” began appearing online in the late 2000s and early 2010s and slowly but surely made itself a visible feature of online lesbian subcultures. The earliest online usage of the term was the 2009-founded tumblr “tomboyfemme”, in which the founder described the term to represent “where I sit at the centre of a continuum — compared to most female-bodied queers, I’m femme as hell, but in a group of heterosexual women, I’m immediately called a tomboy.”

A 2012 Autostraddle article titled “Femmes: Beyond Lipstick (and Heels and Dresses)” was the first to take the term out of tumblr into the wilds, and it was appearing in headlines by 2013. That same year, DapperQ introduced “Tomboy Femme Fridays” to celebrate that moment in style history. By 2014, it was frequently used on Autostraddle, even becoming a wildly popular t-shirt (since widely copied). In 2016, an Autostraddle survey that included a multiple-choice question about gender presentation, Tomboy Femme was the most popular selection, with 30% of readers opting for it. It seemed to be a term that filled an identity gap for a big chunk of the queer population who hadn’t felt represented before. A deeply 2010s Buzzfeed article describes Tomboy Femmes as “t-shirt and lipstick. sneakers and lingerie. often seen wearing glasses and still kicking your ass at sports.”

Whilst the glasses and sports have seemingly lost any tomboy femme connotations in the 2020s, ‘t-shirts and lipstick’ is as good as any summary of this sapphic subtype. Androgynous fashion and masculine styling have long been a part of sapphic communities and queer self-expression, and the tomboy femme is a label that has long been embraced by a wide range of queer people. Despite this, the most visible representations of the tomboy femme have been white skinny women – some the earliest internet examples include Linda Evangelista and Jodie Foster – and this, combined with the femme’s less overt queer meaning, offers an unthreatening queering of conventional expectations about how women should dress. Popular tomboy femme trends like the oversized shirt and baggy pant combo draw directly from Black culture and artists like Missy Elliot and Aaliyah. Repackaged for Instagram and TikTok, these aesthetics rarely acknowledge those who pioneered them.


So what’s modest about dressing like a lesbian?

The creators of non-queer tomboy femme content tend to fall into two categories: fashion influencers who have picked up on the trend and create content on how to dress like one; and Christian influencers who ‘push back’ on the comments that tell them they’re dressed like a lesbian.

On the whole, fashion influencers tend to be queer-affirming, if unaware of the term’s gay roots, responding politely to commenters’ questions about their sexuality.

Meanwhile, the recent ‘when you wanna be a modest Christian girl but you get mistaken for a lesbian’ trend on the Christian side of TikTok is often served with comments of how insulting such an accusation is. One creator posted a video of herself in dungarees and a backwards cap with the caption: ‘I’m glad I was able to be a tomboy without someone telling me I was confused’. More than a few discuss how they used to be tomboys before they found God. Many suggest that it used to be okay to dress more masculine without being seen as queer when they were young, and that they wish they weren’t perceived as queer now they dress masculine in their adulthood.

It took a long while for it to be acceptable for women to wear “masculine” fashion, but Evangelical and conservative Christian communities have taken even longer. In the Mormon Church, Sister missionaries only got the go-ahead to wear trousers in 2019. Headlines on Christian blogs ask whether women should wear leggings, when it’s acceptable to wear pants and how to make sure your tomboy daughter doesn’t confuse herself for a boy.

Up to the 1960s, American Christian dress codes for women emphasised simple, feminine clothing with minimal accessories — if you were lucky, your slightly-more liberal church might deem it acceptable to occasionally wear pants. This expectation changed dramatically into hyper-feminine camp with the rise of televangelism and an influx of female preachers like Tammy Faye in the 1970s. You can see echoes of Faye’s exaggerated makeup and glamour on right-wing women like Majorie Taylor Greene and Kellyanne Conway, who love their bleached-blonde locks. But, while Faye never would’ve been caught dead in pants, Taylor Greene occasionally dons a pair of dark wash jeans, perhaps in an attempt to flash some down-to-earth country girl credentials.

Since the 2000s, evangelical preaching trends in the US have favoured a more casual, down-with-the-kids approach, a new strategy to attract younger congregations. Female preachers like Beth Moore started to dress down their evangelicalism, favoring jeans and simplicity in hopes of making Christianity seem more appealing or even cool to millennials and Gen-Z. Whilst trad wives and rightwing pundits show that hyper-femininity is still valued amongst Christians, a more casual aesthetic that draws on modern fashion is a useful way to make Christianity seem less demanding.

As traditional preachers gave way to online personalities in the 2010s, Christian influencers shifted their beliefs about modesty to appeal to as many women as possible. Modesty in online Christian circles is less about adhering to doctrine than it is making modern fashions suit their beliefs. So, whilst content creators like Girl Defined say girls can wear jeans and be modest, they also say that this has to be done the right way, meaning no low-cut jeans or extra-tight jeggings.

Debates about how women should dress among Christian online communities generally fall into one of two camps: women should dress to please their husbands (the “trad-wife” variety of modesty) or women should dress in a way that desexualizes them completely — the tomboy approach. Both of these approaches are equally invested in the male gaze, centering men as the sartorial priority while appealing to a kind of return-to-the-land back-in-the-good-old-days fantasy of working the field and bearing children.

The difference between a modest woman and a tomboy femme seems to be less about how they look than the reasons why they adopt more masculine styles and how that style is read by the world. Christian tomboy femme influencers want tomboy femme style, on their bodies, to represent modest heterosexuality. But that same style on a queer body — chosen for comfort, personal affirmation or community affiliation — can be demonized as a gender betrayal or sexual deviancy. There’s a lot of cognitive dissonance around a movement that reframes lesbian fashion as “conservative.”

Whilst we could celebrate how far feminism and queer liberation has come that restrictive dress codes prohibiting women from wearing pants to work and school are (mostly) a thing of the (very recent) past, in the world of tradwives and transphobic politics, it increasingly feels like our wardrobes are being policed more than ever.

Gender Policing Is Unfortunately Currently In Style

The upsurge in online content in which anti-queer people ahistorically appropriate queer style is poorly timed when, more and more, the butches, studs, trans men and women, enbies, and other gender non-conforming people in our lives suffer at the hands of regressive beliefs about how men and women should look.  Recently, queer couple were asked to ‘prove’ their sex in order to use the women’s toilets at a Boston Hotel — an incident that happens all over this country, every day, but just rarely makes the news.

Last summer’s Olympics was plagued by comments about whether female athletes were ‘really’ women due to their athletic prowess, demonstrating how challenging it can be to be a gender non-conforming woman – whether this means being queer, or simply being more muscular and less white than the idealised conservative women is expected to be.

Many of the Christian influencers who use language like “tomboy femme” are homophobic and use lesbian and queer hashtags to ragebait the queer community. One of the many trending posts about being confused for a lesbian was created by a woman who attends Morningstar Ministries,which has a very clear stance on homosexuality : ‘homosexuality is a genuine threat to the very foundations of our social order’. Another user of the same trend has multiple anti-abortion, transphobic and anti-feminists posts. The comments under these posts complain that in the ‘good old days’ women could be tomboys and dress like a tomboy femme without being perceived as queer: but I am very (not) sorry to inform them that this has literally never been the case.

Masculine-presenting straight women have the best of both worlds: they get to present to the world how they want and keep all the privileges of heterosexuality. It can feel a little unfair that many of the self-described tomboy femmes of Instagram and TikTok get to claim cool lesbian style points with the caveat: ’but I’m straight’. Sure, being perceived as queer in public and online can be challenging and lead to homophobic harassment, but imagine how much harder it is to actually be queer.

The language around modesty and masculinity often implies two things: that to present as feminine is only about catering for the male gaze, ignoring femme histories and the possibility of a femininity without patriarchy; and that female masculinity has nothing to do with queerness, erasing legacies of queer gender nonconformity. Even when seeming to celebrate gender nonconformity in their tomboy femme eras, many Christian influencers continue to uphold the gender binary and all the problems that come with it.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with straight women dressing in conventionally masculine fashions. Everyone can and should disrupt the gender binary and experiment with their gender expression. But when straight people use queer language and styles whilst also opposing queerness, influencers don’t think about how their ability to dress how they choose is a privilege won through the tireless activism of queer and feminist gender rebels. Especially when looking at the women who use lesbianism as a tool for content creation whilst being openly homophobic, it’s clear that, maybe, just maybe, we need to make sure we remind everyone that the tomboys, the femmes, and the tomboy femmes started out as girl kissers.

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Atlanta Tsiaoukkas

Atlanta Tsiaoukkas is a UK-based writer and researcher currently working towards a PhD on queer Victorian schoolgirls and their homoerotic friendships. She enjoys writing about sapphic pop culture trends, weird girl literature and pretentious films for publications including Polyester and OddCritic. You can follow her work on Instagram @aatlanta_aa.

Atlanta has written 1 article for us.

3 Comments

  1. Love an in depth fashion article like this! Thank you for writing, would love to read more!

  2. Wow, unreal levels of egregious to appropriate the aesthetic, even down to retaining its label, and then be affronted when people mistake you for belonging to the group who originated it.

    Love your analysis, but do you have links to more examples? So wild to learn this is a thing and I would like to understand the extent of it (not on tiktok myself). The first link under ‘So what’s modest about dressing like a lesbian?’ read as parody to me and is indeed from a very queer account. The second one is for sure homo- and transphobic, but has age-old messaging about tomboy kids (that it’s just a phase they should be allowed to grow out of) rather than being tied to ‘tomboy femme’ as a modest trend for adults. Unless I’m mistaken, that’s the extent of the links to specific videos. In no way denying such posts exist, just genuinely intrigued to see them (but not enough to sign up for and learn how to navigate tiktok!)

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Rosie O’Donnell Still Lives Rent Free in Donald Trump’s Collapsing Brain

Donald Trump has been obsessed with noted lesbian icon Rosie O’Donnell for nearly two decades, and regardless of his specific occupation at any given point time, he finds a way to work Rosie O’Donnell into the conversation. During his Apprentice days, he wanted to tell her “you’re fired.” Now, as president, he wants to kick her out of the country. There is nothing that can stop Donald Trump from coming up with reasons to talk about Rosie O’Donnell!!

This past week, seemingly in response to her post mourning the deaths of flood victims in Texas and criticizing his decision to gut environmental agencies that forecast national disasters, he has escalated his attacks to… threaten revoking her citizenship? This is not something Trump is actually legally able to do, although he sure has been doing things I didn’t think were legally possible for months now.

Amid a tidal wave of MAGA backlash over not following through on promises related to the Jeffery Epstein case, Donald Trump posted on Truth Social:

“Because of the fact that Rosie O’Donnell is not in the best interests of our Great Country, I am giving serious consideration to taking away her Citizenship. She is a Threat to Humanity, and should remain in the wonderful Country of Ireland, if they want her. GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

In response, O’Donnell wrote, in an instagram caption beneath a picture of Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump, a really marvelous little poem that I would like stitched into a pillow:

hey donald –you’re rattled again? 
18 years later and I still live rent-free in that collapsing brain of yours. you call me a threat to humanity –
but I’m everything you fear:
a loud woman
a queer woman
a mother who tells the truth
an american who got out of the country b4 u set it ablaze you build walls –
I build a life for my autistic kid in a country where decency still exists you crave loyalty –
I teach my children to question power you sell fear on golf courses –
I make art about surviving trauma you lie, you steal, you degrade –
I nurture, I create, I persist you are everything that is wrong with america –
and I’m everything you hate about what’s still right with it you want to revoke my citizenship?
go ahead and try, king joffrey with a tangerine spray tan i’m not yours to silence
i never was 🇮🇪 rosie O’Donnell, whose father’s family is Irish, moved to Ireland before inaguration. “I knew after reading Project 2025 that if Trump got in, it was time for me and my nonbinary child to leave the country,” she told CNN. “I have no regrets. Not a day has gone by that I thought it was the wrong decision. I was welcomed with open arms.”

Trump also took a shot at O’Donnell earlier this year when Taoiseach Micheál Martin traveled to the white house for a meeting about tariffs which went entirely off the rails. Once more, Trump found a way to work Rosie into the conversation, inspiring the Fox Five to speculate that she moved to Ireland from the US because “nobody likes her” and “because of the potatoes.”

Sunday morning in fair Ireland, Rosie appeared on RTE Radio 1’s Sunday with Miriam, sharing that when she was first shown Trump’s post on Truth Social, she didn’t think it was real: “It had a red check instead of a blue check so I thought it was a fake account. I said, ‘oh that’s kind of funny, but it’s fake,'” but after being told it was, in fact, a real thing the President of the United States wrote on his social media account, she published her response.

Fox News pundits have echoed Trump’s position, acknowledging he can’t actually revoke her citizenship while also celebrating the hypothetical possibility of losing O’Donnell to Ireland permanently, celebrated by Fox News as a way to make the USA “healthier, better looking and less insane.” 

Rosie told RTE: “I am very proud to be opposed to every single thing he says and does and represents.”

What Is Donald Trump’s History With Rosie O’Donnell?

In 2006, Rosie O’Donnell made fun of Donald Trump on The View. She called him a “snake oil salesman” and “not a self-made man.”

Ripping on Donald Trump was a common pastime in the New York City press, but he lost his mind after Rosie’s comments. He threatened to sue and take “lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie.” He told Entertainment Tonight that she “talks like a truck driver,” has a “fat ugly face” and furthermore “is a very unattractive person inside and out.” That message also included a threat to send his friends over to “save” her then-girlfriend, Kelli Carpenter, asking, “why would [Kelli] stay with Rosie if she had another choice?”

Especially in 2006, that kind of rhetoric was hardly unpopular. Trump’s criticisms caught fire because O’Donnell embodied a female masculinity and dykey attitude long derided in American culture. She didn’t fit into Trump’s ideas of how women should look or behave, and no amount of wealth or fame compensated for her existence at the intersection of so many identities seen as disposable at the time.

The entire country seemed to turn on her in the early aughts when she came out and got a gay haircut, but despite living through that special moment in time, O’Donnell told People Magazine in 2014 that the feud with Trump was “the most bullying I ever experienced in my life, including as a child. It was national, and it was sanctioned societally. Whether I deserved it is up to your own interpretation.”

I wrote about Rosie’s history with Trump in 2015, when he dragged her into the discourse again during a presidential debate with this winning exchange:

Megyn Kelly: “You’ve called women you don’t like, ‘fat pigs,’ ‘dogs,’ ‘slobs,’ and ‘disgusting animals’—”
Donald Trump (interrupting): “Only Rosie O’Donnell.”
(Wild laughter and applause from the audience.)
– The GOP Presidential Debate, 9:15 PM, August 6th, 2015

15 minutes later, O’Donnell tweeted, “try explaining that 2 ur kids.” When Trump was elected, she told W Magazine that she went into shock “to think that the man who had abused me so viciously and with impunity for over a decade was now running the country.”

Why Rosie Thinks Donald Trump Is Obsessed With Her

When asked on Sunday why she thinks Trump is so obsessed with her, O’Donnell floated a theory: “I think it’s because we grew up in the same area… I think I remind him of all the kids at school who never liked him. I’m a tough New York tomboy girl — and I think his crap never flew with me or New Yorkers.”

Over the past few years, Rosie’s presence on TikTok has earned her a new generation of fans and followers and re-engaged those of us who’ve been following her since the ’90s and through her blogging era. She’s in a unique financial position that enables her to do things like leave the country to protect her kid, and take strong political stances without worrying about the impact on her career.

It’s been inspiring to see, finally, people standing up for her, to see the slew of “Rosie was right” clips on my feed. Even Ellen DeGeneres chimed in to applaud Rosie, which was surprising on several levels to the entire community.

In that 2017 W Magazine story I mentioned earlier, she pointed out what I did in 2015 — that she never had much support back then. “For reasons I can’t really still figure out, he was allowed with impunity to brutally assault me and my character for a decade. No one—not the National Organization For Women, not Gloria Steinem, no one—stood up and said, “What the hell are you doing?” It was laughed about.”

O’Donnell has often written and spoken about her intense emotional reaction to the news and current events, this unstoppable empathy and desire to fix the world. Now, at a time when so few seem willing to speak up against Trump — when corporations and doctors and schools and government agencies are just falling in line with his increasingly fascist policies —we do still have Rosie O’Donnell! I don’t always agree with her, but more often than not, we’re all kinda obsessed with her, too.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3342 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. I must have missed this in the endless madness but he brought Rosie O’Donnell up to the Taoiseach??? The actual Taoiseach?? I am staring directly into the camera. Rosie O’Donnell 4evA

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Cowboy Clairvoyant: A Queer Tarot Reading for Those Considering Breaking Up

Cowboy Clairvoyant is a members-only newsletter and series by Autumn Fourkiller featuring dream interpretation, tarot answers, and more ventures into the Beyond. Today, Cowboy Clairvoyant interprets two dreams and also provides a short guide to pulling three tarot cards for yourself.


Dear Dreamers,

Last night, while I was packing for a nearly two week trip to Portland, the electricity flickered and, though I held my breath, the power went out. It was raining, hard, and the swampy nature of an Oklahoma July was palpable in minutes, sans air-conditioning. I packed a little more as best I could in the dim, gray light, but eventually gave up and stripped most of my clothes off and read in bed, the covers tossed aside. I alternated between The Dry Season by Melissa Febos and Florida by Lauren Groff. I texted Stef to complain. I thought, dramatically, about the last time I had lived without air conditioning, in the blue house in the woods, and all the memories there I wish I could destroy, could strip clean from my skull and scour.

Eventually, contacts still in, I drifted into an uneasy rest, wherein I had three dreams, each, in some way, involving the Ozarks, the place that I sprung from, so long ago now. In one, I was with my mother’s sole sibling, at a high-glassed building filled with people recognizable and odd to me. In another, a lonely bar near the Baron Fork Creek, where I shifted through the minds and eyes of all the patrons, both myself and not myself at the same time. In the last, I was saying, aux arcs, land of the arches, to someone who wanted to know, smiling through a sheen of blood on my teeth, a handful of symbols in my palm to interpret.

When I woke, heart-pounding, to the lights and surge of power flicking back on at the hour of three in the morning, I realized it was cooler than I thought it might be. I went through the house and turned off the lights I kept forgetting weren’t working. I stripped down the rest of the way and, closing my eyes, fell into a balmy, if short, sleep.

All this to say: Sometimes dreams tell you something you do not already know. And sometimes, well sometimes, they just remind you of who, and what, you are.

Sending you your own reminders,
Cowboy


Queer Dream Interpretation

a dream door into an image from Wicked of Ariana and Cynthia

For some reason, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo are in my small town and need to borrow some of my clothes. They come to my apartment, and we look through my closets for something suitable. I think that the brown tweedy suit that I wear for conferences and interviews might look best, if it fits. The shoes may prove trickier. I am not sure what brings them to this small town, of all places, nor why they do not have other clothes with them or go to one of the admittedly few clothing stores in town. The dream ends before anyone tries on clothes or picks out an outfit.
– Sophia 

Dear Sophia,

Thank you for the gift of your dream. And what a dream it is! In the spirit of honesty, I’m not exactly what you would call a fan of Wicked, though neither am I a hater. That said, I know you are, so it’s pretty fun that these two cast members appeared to you, though there is, not to me, any larger significance in them aside from their celebrity.

This can be tricky, I know, but to you, and anyone who has a celebrity dream, often what we’re looking for in their symbolism is what they mean to you, not so much what they are trying to convey to you. In Ariana and Cynthia, we can see there is something in you that wants to impress, even if you feel like you have a meager offering.

In your note to me, you said that you wouldn’t be in your town, or visit it, if it were not for your job, which is something I can very much understand, but what this dream is telling you is that there is no reason to feel inferior to others because of where you have sprung from, nor where you are currently settled. It may feel suffocating, but you, there, are a redeeming facet of its nature. You have more to give, and more worth, than you think you do.

Though no one tries on clothes or picks out an outfit, you still retain your power there, as curator, especially in your own life.

See you on the other side,
CC


Ask the Tarot: Should I Break Up With My Partner?

the death tarot card

Before we begin this week’s thematic reading, I would like to say that I have answered the above question: “Should I break up with my partner?” quite a few times for quite a few separate private clients. Something has been in the air recently!

I am not, in general, a mystic who just says yes with no caveats. That said, if you’re asking the question, not just to yourself but to another person, it is one that deserves to be deeply considered. Instead of giving you, dear seeker, a straight yes or no, this reading is instead designed to lead you deeper into clarity about the decision. Breaking up is hard to do, yes, but not impossible.

Card One: THE STAR 

I know what you’re thinking. The Star, she stands for hope, for rejuvenation. And yes, she does, but she also seeks to remind you that all you need (which is not to say community isn’t important), is already inside of you. Interrogate your impulses here. Why, exactly, are you in a relationship? Is it because you fear being alone? Or is it because you and your partner bring something to each other’s lives, something that you would not have without each other?

If it’s fear, follow it down, and seek the source.

Card Two: DEATH 

Death, one of the most feared cards in all decks, and yet also the most misunderstood. When a reader draws a series of death cards for me, only then do I really begin to trust them. That said, death, in this case, is not actual death, but instead the death of a cycle, of a path. In your relationship, as you question it, where are the sore spots? Are they patchable? Are they rotten? Do you and your partner follow the same cycle, over and over again, with no way out?

It can be scary to start a new life, or to go down a new path, but this does not mean it isn’t worth it.

However, if none of this rings true, do not kill something that could live on just because it’s easier. Instead, think about those parts of yourself, those emotional sinkholes, that you could do without.

In other words, start to dissect those impulses.

Card Three: STRENGTH 

You want a strong, enduring relationship, who wouldn’t? This card tells us that this is possible, that not only can something bloom, but something can bloom with you, not just with a partner. It’s going to be a tough road, don’t get me wrong, but if you cast aside these petty arguments, these trivialities, you will have the strength to endure it, alone or with a partner.

Ask yourself: Are you stronger together? Or are you stronger single? Where, exactly, does your strength lie? Where does your partner’s strength lie?

In the end, you must rely on your own strength of knowledge of yourself, the final question being: What is it, exactly, that you want?


Submit your dreams and tarot questions for Cowboy Clairvoyant!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Autumn Fourkiller

Autumn Fourkiller is a writer and mystic from the “Early Death Capital of the World.” She is currently at work on a novel about Indigeneity, the Olympics, and climate change. A 2022 Ann Friedman Weekly Fellow, her work can be found in Atlas Obscura, Majuscule, Longreads, and elsewhere. You can follow her newsletter, Dream Interpretation for Dummies, on Substack.

Autumn has written 19 articles for us.

‘King of Drag’ Teaches Drag History In Its Best Episode Yet

Since the premiere of King of Drag, I’ve been writing about it as a drag king riff on RuPaul’s Drag Race. But this week the nascent series did something that other show never has: It actually engaged with queer history. While Drag Race has RuPaul crediting the concept of “reading” to the documentary Paris Is Burning rather than the community it imperfectly captured, this episode of King of Drag goes deep. And with that depth, establishes itself with a unique and refreshing voice.

The overarching theme this week is high school. When Perka walks on the redesigned set he says it’s triggering. This is also how I feel around anything high school related. But if there was one thing I liked about high school it was the learning! And the episode goes beyond the school aesthetic for a drag king history quiz weenie challenge hosted by drag king Mo B. Dick. The kings are split into two teams: Homework Hunks with Henlo, Mo, and Charles and Schoolboy Crush with Big D, Dick, and Perka.

Q:What male impersonator in 17th century France lit a convent on fire?
A: Mademoiselle de Maupin

Q: Drag king history begins with male impersonation in China. Who was the noteable empress during that era?
A: Empress Wu Zetian

Q: In North America who was the first known Indigenous male impersonator?
A: Gowongo Mohawk

Q: Which drag king created and taught the very first drag king workshop and what year were they born?
A: Diane Torr, 1948

Q: What drag king ran for mayor in New York City? Name the year and how many votes they got.
A: Murray Hill, 1997, 341 votes

Both teams do really well, but Homework Hunks wins by one point and goes to the lightning round. Then it gets down to Mo and Charles. And Charles wins!

Carmen Carrera shows up to introduce the beefy challenge and everyone’s reactions are GOLD. Mo is sooo bashful, Dick says hubba hubba, Perka says he thought fear week was last week because his fear is tall beautiful glamazons. Obsessed with the masc4femme version of the queens on Drag Race lusting after the pit crew. Horny but make it respectful.

Carmen asks Murray to prom because the beefy challenge this week is prom outfits! Each king has to dress up in a prom look with the theme Nautical Nights and then give a speech about why they should be prom king.

Last week, I struggled a bit with the heaviness of the episode, but this week felt perfectly balanced. Henlo talks about loving the Philly drag scene, Mo talks about high school dysphoria, and Big D talks about feeling accepted by the other kings even though he doesn’t come from the nightlife scene. (They all shout “one of us!” which is from Tod Browning’s Freaks in case you wanted some more history.) Dick then talks about growing up Southern Baptist and says The L Word saved his life. He also shares that since getting sober he’s reconnected with his estranged mom and she even attended a drag opera he co-produced. Mo also talks about family estrangement, saying that he’s come out to his mom repeatedly over the last decade and she just doesn’t see him.

Perka talks about being inspired to do drag after seeing a performance at Piedmont Pride. (He also shares that he asked the only other lesbian to prom his senior year and she said no, and as someone with my own prauma I will not get into here this made me laugh.) He says he found a community that doesn’t judge him for his sexuality, only his astrology, and then he asks everyone to share their sun sign. I don’t know if it’s the editing or what but we’re robbed of answers! All we get is Mo is a Gemini (hot), Henlo is an Aquarius, and Dick’s ex is a Gemini.

As they finish up in the man cave, Big D says he cares too much about his art to fully listen to last week’s critiques. He likes messy drag and he’s never going to betray personality for perfection.

The judges this week are Tenderoni, Sasha, Carmen, Jackie Beat, and — speaking of The L Word universe — Brian Michael Smith! Something I haven’t commented upon is Murray’s notable absence from the judging panel. It’s a choice I actually really like, because it completely changes the dynamic and allows him to play more of a mentor figure for the kings rather than a critic.

Perka starts off in a colorful mermaid suit that is very prom, very on theme, and very gay. He then gives a speech that’s sweet and full of puns and it ends with him whipping out his fish stick fish dick and putting tartar sauce on it.

Dick as a vampire squid slides around the stage and says he can’t show his last tentacle on TV. It’s fun!

Henlo’s outfit is really cool with ship hair art and coral ears and a really unique white suit. His speech is less character, more sincere than the other kings but it works.

Charles is in a white suit as a pirate and has a sign on his head that says The Black Spot. He has a green tongue and black tears, but the sign doesn’t actually assist in saying what the black spot is. I think he could’ve lost the sign and just better incorporated an explanation into his speech.

Big D comes out with a huge pipe and introduces himself as Captain AFAB. The outfit is simple but the speech is so funny and committed to character and it really makes him stand out.

Molasses closes out looking so hot as a leather daddy and he gives his speech with the ball gag still in. It is not very prom and not very nautical, but it is, once again, very hot.

During the judging, Mo explains that he wasn’t hot in high school, so looking as hot as possible is what inspired the look. Again, this is something that needed to be sold more in the speech.

Despite Big D’s defiance about changing his drag, he’s actually praised for paying more attention to detail than previous weeks. And the judges agree the speech connected the look to the prom part of the theme.

Perka is praised for everything BUT the fish stick gag and it maybe seemed a little clunky in presentation, but it worked for me! Perka had my favorite look and one of my favorite speeches so I’m not going to begrudge an extra swing that maybe didn’t totally land.

No one is safe this week, but it’s clear Big D and Henlo are the tops. Carmen says it’s a case of character vs. craftsmanship. Henlo wins! I’m not sure I agreed with this choice, but I definitely understood it — especially since a mishap last week prevented him from being praised for his equally impressive craftsmanship in the fear challenge.

The final thrust is between Charles and Mo. This might be controversial, but I agree! While Mo is the standout of the season, his work wasn’t on theme and didn’t land this week. Also this gives us a chance to see him do more as these two are tasked with making cheers. Charles’ cheer is fun, but Mo elevates the prompt doing it his own masc way. The judges unanimously decide to save Mo and he hugs Charles as Charles cries.

This was such a great episode that balanced real conversations brought up by high school trauma with a lot of humor. And just a lot of really good drag!

Showbiz! Here are some random thoughts:

+ Learn more drag king history at dragkinghistory.com.

+ Just a reminder that you can watch the best and hottest Drag Race lip sync featuring Carmen Carrera whenever you want.

+ Obsessed with Molasses being horny for Big D in the fake muscle suit.

+ Sasha is such a great judge and such a great judge for this show. I just needed to say that again.

+ King I’m rooting for: Mo and Perka

+ King I’m horniest for: Mo, specifically being bashful around Carmen Carrera

+ King I want to win at least one beefy challenge before the end: Big D

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 744 articles for us.

Quiz: Which Lesbian Pasta Shape Are You?

You could spend today making a special Sunday Sauce for a large pot of pasta — or you could spend today taking this personality quiz and finding other ways to procrastinate from the grind of adult responsibilities. Doesn’t the latter sound a lot more fun! But lo, I have made myself hungry by merely typing the words Sunday Sauce, and now you must all come on this culinary journey with me of answering a bunch of pasta-themed questions in order to find out what lesbian pasta shape you are. Ready? Let’s eat take a quiz.


Which Lesbian Pasta Shape Are You?

Pick a pasta sauce:(Required)
Pick an herb:(Required)
What mac and cheese style sounds like your vibe?(Required)
Who would you most like to split a bowl of pasta with right now?(Required)
What’s the sexiest pasta shape?(Required)
What’s the most underrated pasta shape?(Required)
Pick a ravioli filling:(Required)
Pick a chain restaurant known for pasta:(Required)
Pick a non-Italian noodle dish:(Required)
Pick a film in which pasta appears:(Required)
Okay I can’t think of any more pasta questions, so how about: What sounds like a fun Sunday activity to you?(Required)
You’re going on a long road trip. What item is most essential to bring along with you?(Required)

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1057 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. I am campanelle! I’ve actually never had this pasta shape so now I have a quest for next grocery run! It’d be super cute if it’d come with a recipe the shape was a great fit for

  2. my partner got cavatappi but i think im more cavatappi (constantly spiraling vibes).
    they asked “why isnt vibrator on the list?!” re: road trip.
    they think the sexiest pasta shape is “the one that looks like a conch shell.” (aka vag)

  3. thoughts i never thought i would have “Rigatoni? No that’s not sexy, it looks like a long tube. oh it actually is kinda sexy…” “Trofie’s kinda hot too…. looks like people intertwined…” “omg tortellini!” i felt so shy looking at tortellini.
    I chose toretellini but would have chosen them all. Am i now a #pastapervert?

    oh im cavatappi, so this quiz is accurate. but im spiraling not in a gay group chat (dont have that) but in my home with my partner, who says “you’re cavatappi too?! how are we both cavatappi?! we cant both be cavatappi! i’m a tappie! youre a bottomie!” so that’s that.

  4. Farfalle! I don’t think I have worn a literal bow tie but I’ve always thought that bow tie pasta is super cute.

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AF+ Crossword Has a Few Tricks Up Its Sleeve

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Will Everyone Always Seem Second-Best to My Ex?

Are you allowed to miss your ex while dating new people?

Q

“Allowed” isn’t quite the right word, but you get the gist. It’s been almost 10 months since my ex broke up with me suddenly. The relationship itself was beautiful and kind and pure. We dated for two years and had plans for many more.

When they ended the relationship, I was left with very little closure and a mind spiraling trying to figure out what happened. I’m learning to accept that I’ll never get that closure, as horrendously painful as that is.

As awful as this heartbreak has been, that relationship checked all of my boxes. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I’ve gone back in my mind so many times to try to figure out why the universe has decided this relationship wasn’t right for me, but I always come up empty. I miss them in every way, and as much as they’ve hurt me deeply, I still love them deeply.

We’ve been no contact for about eight months. I’ve stopped holding my breath hoping they will reach out to me, but I still think about them and miss them every single day.

In the meantime, I’m doing my best to move on with my life. I’ve been doing lots of therapy and hobbies and I’ve also been dating. I’ve met some interesting people, but no one that gave me the same feelings I had when I first started dating my ex.

I recently started seeing someone who comes close though. I like them a lot, and I can see this developing really well. A big part of me was hoping that getting truly excited about someone new would help me disconnect from this unrequited love for my ex, but that hasn’t been the case. I’ve been enjoying this new person and I’ve been open with them about how I’ve been grieving my last relationship. The thing I feel awful about admitting out loud though is that I still wish I could be doing all of these things with my ex instead. I’m worried that anyone I date for the rest of my life will be second-best to my ex, and that feels so unfair to my future partner(s).

A

Eva: Healing is not linear. We cannot control the feelings that heartbreak brings us. What we can control is our actions that stem from our feelings. That said, if you really feel that your past heartbreak is hindering your current relationship, I would take some time to yourself. As someone who has dated multiple people who were still deep in the grieving stages of past breakups, it’s a rough position to be in. I ended up leaving those relationships because I could only take so much. These aforementioned exes compared me to their past partners on multiple occasions and were quite depressed from various instances involving their past partners. As much as they tried to reassure me that all was well, I went with my gut and walked away. I bring this up in case you find yourself doing similar things. This is not to deter you from continuing to pursue a relationship with this new person. You very well may heal sooner than you think. I just implore to be self-aware and to really ask yourself where you’re at in your healing journey.

Despite my own past traumas of exes who were not over their exes, I do not necessarily fault them for being where they were. It is what it is. Life is messy, and our feelings are even messier. We never know where we are emotionally until we’re in a situation that challenges us. I encourage you to keep asking yourself the hard questions. One of those is, why are you holding onto this person who left you? I have found myself yearning after someone who does not want me on many occasions. I once was so caught up on someone that I jeopardized several facets of my life. The day I let them go was one of the most difficult moments of my life, but it was so worth it. I realized that no one who really cares about me would put me in a position to hurt as badly as I did, especially not without an honest conversation. I hope that you come to the same conclusion.

If you find that you don’t have the space in your heart to fully pursue this new relationship because nothing and no one compares to your ex, then let this new person go. However, if you can get to the other side of this heartbreak–without using this new person as an avenue to healing–then you’ve unlocked something special within yourself. And that’s better than any relationship. You know what that is? Growth.

Summer: Short answer: yes. Long answer: yeeeeeeeeeees.

There is no cut-off time for relationship grief. Everyone has to work at their own pace and just because you’re grieving for a past love doesn’t make you an inherently bad person for stepping back into the pool. What matters here is how you choose to work through your grief and how you involve new partners for it.

To me, you’ve checked basically all the boxes for reasonable behavior. You’ve given it time and therapy. There’s no contact between you and the source of those strong feelings. You’re rebuilding your life (which includes dating again). And you’ve informed your new partner about your feelings and they should have a place to make their informed decision. I don’t see anything wrong with your approach and need to try dating again. And just between you, me, and the entire AS+ readership: You’re doing this in a much more mature and stable way than I did.

Laneia: Your grief belongs to you, and you’ll hold it and process it and learn from it for years and years to come, because it really fucking mattered! Your love mattered, and so the loss of it matters. What you’ve done in the wake of this breakup — how you’ve made space for it, how you haven’t let it lead the way, how you’ve reached out for support — that’s what I hope you’re most proud of: the trying, that effort. You can miss them and still believe in today, and tomorrow, and even yesterday tbh. You can keep wanting what you had with them, and it doesn’t need to be a slight to whomever comes next. It’s just more information about what you now know you need in a relationship.

You set that bar, not them. Be so easy on yourself.


Should you shave my genitals for someone else?

Q

I’m a bisexual woman who has dated a variety of men and women and nonbinary people. I just started more seriously dating a guy, who asked me if it would be okay for me to shave my genitals because that’s what he prefers. This has never been asked of me before by anyone. I don’t really know what to think of it. I’m not against doing it, but is that a weird thing to ask? I wonder if I feel weird about it just because it’s a guy asking. 

A

Valerie: I personally think it’s extremely weird to ask someone to change part of their physical appearance when their opinion was not asked in the first place. Like if you had asked if he wanted you to shave and he said yes, that would be different…but declaring it his preference when you hadn’t mentioned it? Very odd behavior. Also I think there’s a difference between requesting a trim if it’s getting in the way of…activities…vs asking you to shave it completely. Honestly I think that would be a red flag to me from anyone; like WHY is that your preference? Is it a texture/sensory issue situation, or is it an aesthetic preference? Because if it’s the second thing…I have concerns, frankly. 

Sa’iyda: It’s a weird thing to ask, regardless of gender. Like Valerie said, if you had brought it up, I could understand offering up his preference. But to just ask unsolicited? Weird behavior. I went fully bare down there for years for my own reasons, but that was MY preference. Only you can decide how much or little hair you have down there. If you want to go bare, go for it. If you want a vajungle, then he better learn how to navigate it. Just make sure YOU feel comfortable with the choice. 

Summer: Ooooh. This one’s complex. I don’t think it’s inherently a ‘weird’ thing to ask, because intentions and approach can re-contexualize anything to be great or awful. However, there’s a long, problematic history of men making aesthetic demands of women to suit men’s interests. Society itself is organized this way. You see it in office dress codes,  homes, parenting… everywhere. A person who is emotionally aware of their partner’s would only make such a request if they understood the potential gravity of what they’re asking and are completely fine with their partner asserting their bodily agency.

I don’t think it’s weird that he asked. But what you need to answer for yourself are some underlying questions that relate to aspects of a happy and healthy relationship. Like reciprocity. Would he be open to you asking for him to make a change primarily to please you? Intent. Why does he want this change from you? Is it practical (sensory issues, skin reaction to hair) or rooted in emotional and social interests? Approach. Did he approach the topic sensitively with a willingness to take ‘no’ for an answer, or is it a flat expectation? I could go on, but I’m sure my fellow AS authors will have plenty of opinions too. Especially if they have a sterner ‘don’t do it’ approach, which I also understand.


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28 Best LGBT TV Shows on Peacock

Ahh, Peacock — the last in a long line of streaming services to appear and make us all wonder, “do we need this?” Well, you should know that surprisingly enough, Peacock’s slate of original content is extremely lesbian-inclusive — Peacock has queer characters in nearly all of its original and co-produced TV shows and movies. However, these shows rarely get a second or third season pickup. Sad! Anyhow, let’s dig into the best Peacock shows with lesbian, bisexual or queer women characters or trans people!


Queer as Folk 

Peacock Drama, 2022

Char and Ruthie waslking together looking a little annoyed

Unlike the deeply white, cis and able-bodied original characters, all of the new QAF’s mains are people of color or trans or disabled or all of the above, including Char, a non-binary Black masculine-presenting person and their partner, Ruthie, a trans woman who’d grown up with the series’ star, gay party boy Brodie. Queer as Folk gave us groundbreaking and incredibly hot sex, a Craft-inspired drag show, a sex party catered towards people with disabilities and a joyful portrait of chosen family coming together in the face of shared trauma. Stream Queer As Folk.


Bel-Air

Peacock Drama, 2020—

ashley banks in a sweater vest sitting here in a cahir

This re-imagining of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as a drama was Peacock’s biggest initial investment, and it’s delivered some mixed results while also leaning hard on the charisma of its lead. But we love it! The new Ashley Banks, a pre-teen when the show begins, has a gradual discovery of her queerness that begins in Season One, and it’s really cute! Stream Bel-Air.


We Are Lady Parts

Peacock Comedy, 2020-

WE ARE LADY PARTS -- Season: 1 -- Pictured: (l-r) Lucie Shorthouse as Momtaz, Faith Omole as Bisma, Anjana Vasan as Amina, Juliette Motamed as Ayesha, Sarah Kameela Impey as Saira --

(Photo by: Laura Radford/Peacock)

“The storylines of We Are Lady Parts echo stories that we’ve told about ourselves. They fill an often undervalued aspect of representation: offering a reminder that inside each of us, is all of us.” writes Natalie of this critically acclaimed series that finds geeky biochemical engineering Ph.D. student Amina Hussein as the unlikely lead guitarist of Lady Parts, an all-female Muslim punk band. Ayesha is a queer Muslim woman and the band’s drummer. One could argue that We Are Lady Parts is the best bit of Peacock original programming with a queer woman character. Stream We Are Lady Parts.


Her Story

Independent Drama, 2016

Two women at a table in the sun

Laura Zak’s Allie and Jen Richards’ Violet.

When Her Story debuted in 2016 there was nothing else like it. Starring Jen Richards, Angelica Ross and Laura Zak, this understated webseries follows two trans women dating in Los Angeles, confronting transphobia and a trans misogynistic lesbian culture. “This isn’t just a new frontier, this is a bright and wonderful one. This is the kind of trans TV show that we’ve been waiting for,” wrote Mey. Stream Her Story.


The Real Housewives of New York: Season 14-15

Bravo Reality TV, 2023-

the cast of real houswives of new york in their gowns looking fancy on a roof in ne wyork

Fashion genius Jenna Lyons joins the series for this reboot of the New York franchise, wherein we have the opportunity to relate deeply to the experience of being the only lesbian in a group of straight women who are always yelling at each other about cheese and cell phones and airplane flights. In Season 15, model/ gallerist Racquel Chevremont and her hot girlfriend join the cast and it all gets even gayer.


Saved By The Bell

Peacock Comedy, 2020-2022

two teenagers at a school dance

This underrated gem of a reboot featuring a new, diverse Bayside where the original students are grown up administrators and parents features Alycia Pascual-Peña as Aisha, football team quarterback and budding wrestling champion who comes into her bisexuality. Trans actress Josie Totah plays trans character Lexie, the queen bee of Bayside. Carmen wrote that the reboot “ultimately drives home the importance of trans and queer communities, and our joy, especially for teens.” Stream Saved by the Bell.


The Traitors

Peacock Reality TV Show Competition, 2023-

Gabby sits on a couch between other players wearing red pants, a white button down and a black knit top.

Queer icon Alan Cumming hosts this unscripted competition series described as “a nail-biting psychological adventure in which treachery and deceit are the name of the game” in which 20 contestants compete in a series of challenges to earn a cash prize — but three contestants coined “the traitors” are devising a plan to steal the prize. Amongst these contestants in Season One was Andie Thurmond, a non-binary Director of Music Services from Reno, Nevada! Season Two brought us Peppermint and Survivor-famous Parvati Shallow, and Season Three’s ICONIC AS FUCK season has delivered Bob the Drag Queen, Bachelorette‘s Gabby Windey (in a true star turn), Survivor’s Carolyn  Wiger and Selling Sunset‘s Crishell Stause.


The Top Chef Cinematic Universe

Bravo Reality Competition Show, 2006-

Maria and Kristen awaait word from the judges about their dishes, this week on "Top Chef."

Kristin Kish. Josie Smith-Malave. Melissa King. Joy Crump. Ashley Merriman. Jamie Lauren. Top Chef’s 21st season, which aired this year, invited every possible lesbian world to collide in a Kristen Kish hosted season with lesbian chef Rasika Venkatesa gushing to guest judge Clea Duvall about But I’m a Cheerleader.  Listen: Top Chef is Still the Most Lesbian Reality Show on TV. Shit gets really gay on this show you guys.


Leopard Skin

Peacock Limited Series Drama, 2022

Leopard Skin actors outside walking towards camera

A botched heist is the entry point to a messy, lurid, bizarre and atmospheric journey that never quite manages to make sense, but does include some compelling sexual antics and Carla Gugino as a Mean Queer Psychic Domme. It’s hard to say no to that. I couldn’t tear myself away to be honest. Stream Leopard Skin.


Girls 5Eva 

Peacock Comedy, 2021-2022

GirlsEva gather around the piano and sing

A one-hit-wonder girl group from the 1990s reunites to give their pop star dreams another shot, but this time they’ve gotta balance spouses, kids, jobs, debt, aging parents, and shoulder pain too. Lesbian comic Paula Pell is a freshly divorced lesbian dentist in this delightful comedy that also stars Sara Bareilles, Busy Philipps and Renée Elise Goldsberry. But if you wanna watch Season Three, you’ll have to switch to Netflix! Stream Girls 5Eva on Peacock.


One of Us is Lying

Peacock Thriller, 2020-2022

one of us is lying - four teens sitting looking sullen

Based on a buzzy YA thriller, a disparate group of students find themselves under suspicion after online gossip scourge Simon suddenly dies while they’re all in detention. Simon’s best friend, Janae Matthews, is the unlikely outsider who finds her way into this clique, and who comes into her own as queer and non-binary. Stream One of Us Is Lying on Peacock.


New Amsterdam

NBC Drama, 2018-2023

Standing on opposite sides of the pillar near the hospital's coffee shop, Leyla passes over her latest installment to Lauren in a brown paper bag.

As medical dramas go, New Amsterdam doesn’t necessarily have anything extraordinarily new to offer, but it’s got heart and some endearing characters and some progressive ideals about the value of public hospitals and innovative ways to make medical care accessible.  Also: Lauren Bloom as a messy genius bisexual head of the Emergency Medicine ward. Stream New Amsterdam on Peacock.


The Undeclared War

Peacock / Channel 4 Cyber-Thriller, 2022

a girl walking through a river

It’s 2024 and Saara Parvan is a student getting work experience in the malware department of GCHQ in the run-up to the British general election when a security breach on her first day thrusts her into the middle of a data war with Russia with worldwide implications. She has a  romance with an American from the NSA brought in to consult with the case, Kathy Freeman (queer actor Maisie Richardson-Sellers), which is a highlight of this surprisingly compelling thriller. Watch The Undeclared War on Peacock.


Vigil 

Peacock/BBC One Thriller, 2021-2024

Rose Leslie and Suranne Jones on Vigil

A crew member is found dead on the nuclear submarine HMS Vigil and the Scottish police send Detective Amy Silva (Surrane Jones) onto the ship to blend in with the crew on board and investigate, while her girlfriend Kristen Longacre (Rose Leslie) pursues leads on land. You want to see these two women kiss, right? Of course you do! Season Two takes place in a fictional Middle Eastern country following the killing of several soldiers by an errant drone, and also manages to somehow separate Amy and a very pregnant Kristen. Stream Vigil on Peacock.


Brooklyn 99

Fox/NBC Comedy, 2013 – 2021

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE -- "Honeymoon" Episode 601 -- Pictured: Stephanie Beatriz as Rosa Diaz -- (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

(Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

A comedy packed with talent, set in a New York City police department, following the exploits of Det. Jake Peralta and “his diverse and lovable colleagues.” Most relevant to us here, of course, is Stephanie Beatriz as Rosa Diaz, who comes out as bisexual in Season Five. Watch Brooklyn 99 on Peacock


Poker Face

Peacock Mystery, 2023-

two older women telling a story, animated facial expressions

Poker Face, a “delightfully absurdist Murder Show with the best guest stars,” is not the queerest show on Peacock, although its protagonist Charlie (Natasha Lyonne) isn’t that passionate about being straight, either. It follows the inverted detective story format popularized by Columbo, but Charlie’s not a cop, she’s just a person with a supernatural ability to detect liars. Each week is a new case with a new cast, and the guest stars are just delightful (Cynthia Erivo, Alia Shawkat, Taylor Schilling, Gaby Hoffman, Cherry Jones, Chloe Sevigny, Stephanie Hsu, Clea Duvall, etc). The episode with the most explicitly queer women was a frustrating one in Season One, but Season Two delivered a lot of queerness throughout and its best episode was gay as fuck. Stream Poker Face.


The Girl in the Woods

Peacock Thriller, 2021

three teenagers in the woods with a flashlight, looking scared

The Girl in the Woods mashes together dystopian YA and supernatural-horror tropes in a story about a small town disrupted by monsters and the powerful teen girl who teams up with a couple weirdos to stop them. There’s also a queer love triangle, a queer and messy backstory between our titular girl in the woods and her ex, and grief and trauma and friendship and love, infusing a familiar supernatural story with some freshness. Read more in Kayla Kumari’s The Girl In The Woods” Delivers a Complex, Queer Horror Hero and stream The Girl in The Woods.


Rutherford Falls

Peacock Comedy, 2021 – 2022

a non-binary assistant has a little mike on, standing in the town square with three other adults

Two lifelong friends, Nathan Rutherford (Ed Helms) and Reagan Wells (Jana Schmieding) find their friendship tested when a conflict begins in their small town over its colonial legacy and the indigenous community native to the area. Non-binary actor Jesse Leigh is non-binary character Bobbie Yang, a high school student and Nathan’s personal assistant. Vulture wrote that the show “skillfully braids discussions of serious sociocultural issues with character-based comedy in ways that seem neither forced nor overly didactic.” Stream Rutherford Falls on Peacock


Intergalactic

Peacock Sci-Fi, 2021

three women in spacey outfits grip each other while exiting an explosion of some kind

It’s 2143. Climate change has destroyed most of the planet and most humans are now living in structured cities controlled by a pseudo-democratic government called the “Commonworld.” Harper (Savannah Steyn) is a “sky cop” who ends up onboard a prison ship during a mutiny when she’s framed for a crime she didn’t commit, and well, things get very wild from there. There’s a bit of a slow-burn queer romance involving a butch lesbian lead character, Verona (Imogen Daines) that has its ups and downs! Stream Intergalactic.


Chucky

SyFy Horror, 2021 –

glen and glenda fighting while a girl in a party dress sits in a chair

A 14-year-old gay teenager purchases an iconic Chucky doll at a garage sale only to find the doll is possessed by the soul of a serial killer who is ready to start murdering people in Hackensack, New Jersey. There’s lots of queer stuff in here — Tiffany Valentine (Jennifer Tilly) is pansexual and we also get Chucky’s nonbinary child Glen/Glenda, played by nonbinary actor Lachlan Watson. Stream Chucky on Peacock.


Punky Brewster

Peacock Comedy, 2020

two girls in 80s prom outfits smiling

In this reboot, Punky’s a freshly divorced photographer with three kids. Her best friend, Cherie, is a social worker who convinces Punky to foster a kid and now they’ve got four kids and an ex-husband and a dog and most importantly, Cherie is queer now, and her girlfriend is played by our very own deeply deeply beloved queer actress Jasika Nicole. Stream Punky Brewster


Banana

E4 Drama, 2015

all the queer youths of banana

Banana is Russel T. Davies’ sister series to Cucumber, which focused on gay male stories. Banana’s focus is on a broader spectrum of LGBTQ+ identities and youth specifically, some from the periphery of Cucumber and some new folks, too. Leticia Wright plays a young lesbian who falls in love with a straight, white woman who works at her local grocery store. Deeply beloved queer actor T’Nia Miller is Kay and iconic comic/writer/actor Charlie Covell (who also wrote and directed a lot of Banana) is her partner Amy. In episode 4, Trans actor Bethany Black is Helen, besieged by unwanted attention from an ex. Stream Banana on Peacock.


The Best Man: The Final Chapters

Peacock Drama, 2022

THE BEST MAN: THE FINAL CHAPTERS -- “An American Marriage” Episode 106 -- (Pictured: (l-r) Eric Scott Ways as LJ, Morris Chestnut as Lance Sullivan -- (Photo by: Matt Infante/Peacock)

Photo by: Matt Infante/Peacock)

The Best Man: The Final Chapters is an eight-episode conclusion to the beloved Black rom-com film series The Best Man, now expanding into its third decade.  In The Final Chapters we get to know LJ (Eric Scott Ways), the eldest child of football superstar Lance Sullivan (Morris Chestnut), now in his late teens. Lance always hoped that LJ would follow in his cleats, but the smart, fashion obsessed teen has other plans. They come out as nonbinary and watching the adults of The Best Man crew adjust is a little paint-by-numbers, but it’s also so rare to see a Black family embrace their trans kid on television, which ultimately makes it sweet and worthwhile. — CarmenStream The Best Man: The Final Chapters


Those About To Die

Peacock Historical Drama, 2024-

THOSE ABOUT TO DIE -- Episode 110 -- Pictured: (l-r) Kyshan Wilson as Aura, Sara Martins as Cala, Romana Maggiora Vergano as Selena -- (Photo by: Reiner Bajo/Peacock)

Photo by: Reiner Bajo/Peacock

Set in and around the Colosseum of late Imperial Rome, I found this program nearly impossible to follow, but easy enough to fast-forward through to find some kind of lesbian subplot involving a main character and full frontal nudity that I suspect might have some redeeming moments if I was better at understanding the rest of it. It’s a spectacle; there are lavish period costumes, a stadium packed with CGI people witnessing great beasts of men battling each other for sport (some are about to die, obviously, thus the title), and then there are women who are in these dark rooms and there are markets and maybe brothels? People are trying to negotiate things and also banging. Including women banging each other! The Spectator said of it, “It hurries breathlessly from incident to incident as if terrified that the viewer might find the most blood-spattered, sexually licentious, intrigue-ridden period in the history of the world ever so slightly dull.” But it’s a hit, so! Stream Those About to Die.


Apples Never Fall

Peacock Thriller, 2024

Essie Randles as Brooke Delaney in Apples Never Fall

While it suffers from… pretty bad writing, Apples Never Fall is a Liane Moriarty thriller that might entertain those of us who are pretty easy to please when it comes to that kind of thing. (Me) It tells the story of wealthy West Palm Beach family the Delaneys, headed up by tennis coaches Stan (Sam Neill) and Joy (Annette Benning). Joy and Stan sell their tennis academy and are looking down the gaping maw of retirement when Joy suddenly vanishes, thus leading her four adult children (played by Alison Brie, Jake Lacy, Conor Merrigan-Turner, Essie Randles) to investigate their parents’ allegedly perfect marriage and uncover their family’s darkest secrets. Brooke (Essie Randles) is a queer physical therapist engaged to Gina (Paula Andrea Placido). Stream Apples Never Fall on Peacock.


Couple to Throuple

Peacock Reality TV Show Dating, 2024-

COUPLE TO THROUPLE -- "Commitment" Episode 110 -- Pictured: (l-r) Jonathan, Rehman, Ashmal, Scott Evans, Shamyra Howard, Sean, Darrien, Brittne, Jess, Lauren, Dylan -- (Photo by: Paul Castillero/PEACOCK)

(Photo by: Paul Castillero/PEACOCK)

Four couples explore non-monogamy by spending a month in a tropical resort, meeting and dating potential thirds to bring into their relationship, and then at the end they can decide if they wanna be threes forever or remain a twosome. It wasn’t always the best show when it came to representation, but it had its moments and we’d be remiss to talk about Peacock’s original queer programming without talking about Couple to Throuple. Stream Couple to Throuple on Peacock. 


Twisted Metal

Peacock Sci-Fi, 2023 –

Twisted Metal: Stephanie Beatriz and Chloe Fineman as Quiet and Bloody Mary

In the game Bloody Mary wears a bloody wedding dress, so I like how this tutu outfit pays homage to that.

Based on a video game, bisexual icon Stefanie Beatriz stars as Quiet, a subtly bisexual character in a dystopian landscape where twenty years after electricity went out worldwide, society has been divided into Insiders and Outsiders, serviced by “Milkmen” delivering things from city to city. John Doe (Anthony Mackie) is one of them, and he becomes reluctant partners with Quiet. Although her bisexuality is never super-obvious, there are some minor queer characters and we’re hopeful for more about Quiet’s sexuality in Season Two. Stream Twisted Metal on Peacock.


Other TV shows on Peacock with regular/recurring LGBTQ+ women and trans characters:

  • Ted (2024, Peacock comedy)
  • Departure (2020-2023, Global/Peacock thriller)
  • Bust Down (2022, Peacock comedy)
  • Go On (2012, NBC Comedy)
  • House (2004-2012, Fox Medical Drama)
  • The Irrational (2023 -, NBC Thriller)
  • Chicago Fire (2012-, NBC Drama)
  • Being Human (2011-2014, SyFy/Space Sci-Fi)
  • La Brea  (2021-, NBC Sci-fF)
  • Law & Order: SVU (1999-, NBC Drama)
  • The Purge (2018-2019, USA Horror)
  • Roseanne (1988 – 1997, ABC Comedy)
  • The Vampire Diaries (2009 – 2017, CW Fantasy)
  • The Way Home (2023-, Hallmark Drama)

Because NBC Universal also owns Bravo, there’s a ton of queer-inclusive reality TV show across the service, including The Bad Girls Club, Project Runway, Summer House, Below Deck and its many spinoffs, and the Real Housewives franchise. There are also a few unscripted shows with lesbian hosts (although not all were out to the world or themselves at the time of filming) — If We’re Being Honest With Laverne Cox, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover, The Amber Ruffin Show, OMG Fashun With Julia Fox, Siwas Dance Pop Revolution and Unidentified with Demi Lovato.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3342 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. We Are Lady Parts is so good! Everybody watch it right now! Then watch Polite Society (movie by the same director, also on Peacock- not gay but excellent, kickass, and fun.)

  2. Undeclared war was so good, although some people i’ve talked to didn’t like that you don’t find out what happened to one particular character but personally i think that was kind of the point since they were dealing with shadowy goverment organizations.

    I liked girl in the woods though i think they were setting up for a season two they never got.

    I couldn’t get into the queer as folk reboot. I really wanted to but i really REALLY took issue with how the new parents just…never had to deal with their babies. Like ever. A newborn is all consuming and they had TWO and they still had time for drama.

  3. Savannah Steyn also appears to queer irl, like so many other House of the Dragon alumni. Savannah played young Leana in the first season.

  4. Vampire Academy and Emerald City should have been on the list.
    Unfortunately, both series were canceled even though they had good quality.
    The two series that I was very sad about the cancellation of Peacock were One of Us is Lying and Vampire Academy.
    I hope Vigil, Those About To Die and We Are Lady Parts will not suffer the fate of those two series.
    Also, I wish that from now on, you would also write the status of the series (cancelled, renewed, finished or unknown) because it is very important to know.
    For example, although Teenage Bounty Hunters is a very good series, unfortunately, because it was canceled, the story remained incomplete and ended in the worst possible way. That’s why I usually don’t recommend anyone to watch it. I think watching canceled series is a risk

  5. I don’t know anyone else watching Twisted Metal but it’s a fun stupid delight. Even if you don’t watch the whole thing, look up the final episode of the first season. First few minutes is an awesome action scene set to “The Distance” by Cake.

  6. Undeclared War and Ladyparts are so good! Highly recommend!

    I’ll second what a previous commentor said in that girl in the woods was okay but obviously setting up for a season two they never got.

    And this will probably not be a popular opinion but i did not like the queer as folk reboot at all. The thing that finally made me quit it was that two characters have twin newborns and then…never have to take care of twin newborns. As a parent the lack of effort put into the TWO newborns to take care of storyline was at first annoying and then later just rage inducing.

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Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley Got Engaged in a Body of Water

Lesbian Jesus Hayley Kiyoko — noted pop star and celebrated author —  announced on social media today that she proposed to her girlfriend of seven years, former Bachelor contestant Becca Tilley.

“My dream girl said yes to forever,” wrote Hayley in her instagram caption. Photographs capture the duo on a rock in front of a really gorgeous body of water

Becca and Hayley have taken their relationship relatively slow, by lesbian standards. They met for the first time at Hayley’s “Expectations” release party in April 2018, and afterwards Becca tried to set Hayley up with her queer younger sister by arranging a group drinks hang. But the sister bailed, Becca showed up, and the rest is lesbian history.

In 2019, Kiyoko told US Weekly that she was in a relationship and very happy, but they didn’t officially announce the relationship until May of 2022. That announcement served as Tilley’s official “coming out,” after many had assumed her heterosexuality due to her participation in The Bachelor.

Kiyoko, whose been acting, dancing and recording music since she was a kid, skyrocketed to sapphic fame in 2018, becoming the first lesbian pop star signed to a major label to make multiple music videos in which she kisses girls. Her hit “Girls Like Girls” inspired a recent YA novel by the same name, and last year Kiyoko announced that Focus Features had signed on to turn it into a film. “Since I released girls like girls in 2015,” Kiyoko wrote, “I’ve made a vow to myself and to you all to do everything in my power to create hopeful queer content at the largest scale possible.”

Tilley is currently the co-host of “Scrubbing In,” a podcast in which she and her BFF Tanya Rad “fangirl over their favorite shows, work through boy troubles, and hang out with the biggest celebrity guests.”

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - OCTOBER 28: (L-R) Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley attend the World Premiere of Disney's "Wizards Beyond Waverly Place" at El Capitan Theatre on October 28, 2024 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Amy Sussman/WireImage)

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – OCTOBER 28: (L-R) Hayley Kiyoko and Becca Tilley attend the World Premiere of Disney’s “Wizards Beyond Waverly Place” at El Capitan Theatre on October 28, 2024  (Photo by Amy Sussman/WireImage)

As a person who watches celebsian social media accounts like a hawk to report on any developments for my job at this website, I must note that Becca Tilley has attended a truly astounding number of weddings over the past two years and every single time I thought it was her wedding to Hayley Kiyoko. I am pleased that we are now ever-closer to the day when a picture of Becca Tilley (who has bridal hair every day, to be fair) in wedding attire will actually be her wedding to Hayley Kiyoko.

It’s important in this day and age for as many former Bachelor contestants as possible to come out as queer and, ideally, marry lesbians. Gabby Windey tied the knot with Robby Hoffman earlier this year, and now Becca Tilley will be doing so with Hayley Kiyoko. Watch out world!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3342 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Congratulations to them. Hayley has definitely had an exciting few months with the news of her engagement, a new book coming out soon, and the news of her Girls Like Girls song to novel to movie is on its way! Lesbian Jesus indeed

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The Top 10 Lesbian Movie Night Club Scenes

Pride Month may be over, but dancing at the gay club is a year-round activity. Nothing compares to that energy on a dance floor surrounded by other queer people with music flowing through you. And sometimes lesbian and queer movies succeed at capturing that feeling!

Personally, I think we need way more gay club scenes in sapphic cinema. I love a quiet talking moment at a gay bar as much as the next person but it’s not the same. That’s why I’ve gathered this list of my ten favorite night club scenes — many at queer clubs, some at straight clubs where queer people make them gay. So inhale those poppers, grind on your crush, and dive in!


Bonus: The entire movie Shakedown

A still from Shakedown of a stud dancing with a dollar bill in the air

This is a documentary about a club rather than one scene from a narrative film, but how could we talk about night club scenes without at least mentioning Shakedown?? If you haven’t seen this film chronicling the Black lesbian strip club Shakedown from 2002 to when it was shut down in 2004, you should change that immediately.


10. “Fantasy Crush” from Girltrash: All Night Long

Mandy Musgrave and Gabrielle Christian sing to each other in Girltrash: All Night Long

I do not believe in guilty pleasures so I will not apologize for this inclusion. While this musical adaptation of a popular web series was disowned by co-creator Angela Robinson, its most charming moment takes place at a lesbian club. Seasoned lesbian Misty is crushing on the fuckboi of the group while newbie lesbian Colby is crushing on Misty and the two sing a duet about their fantasy crushes. Misty and Colby are played by the leads of South of Nowhere which means nothing to me but possibly meant/means a lot to some of you. I just like musicals!


9. The opening of Holy Camp!

Two girls dance in a club with their hair flipped up in Holy Camp!

Yes, another musical! Originally based on a play, I love the decision to open the movie adaptation with the two leads escaping their summer camp to attend a concert and dance at a club. It opens up the world for the characters and lets us see the night out that makes the next day’s hangover worth it. A film as sincere as it is blasphemous, this sequence sets a town that brings the energy of a night out to the dance numbers and holy romances of its more modest setting.


8. Bad coping mechanisms in The Wedding Banquet (2025)

best lesbian night club scenes: Kelly Marie Tran spins around with a glow stick necklace and backward hat

Not to generalize about our diverse lesbian community, but there’s a reason the next two entries find a queer woman out with their gay guy bestie. Sometimes your lesbian friends are home in bed or busy with a game night and thank God you have a gay male friend to drink too much and go dancing with you! While Andrew Ahn’s reimagining of The Wedding Banquet has many moments of affection across the queer community, my favorite is Chris and Angela going to club to avoid dealing with their separate partner conflicts.


7. Night club day dream from Nina’s Heavenly Delights

The best lesbian night club scenes: Shelley Conn and Laura Fraser make eye contact with glowy overexposed colors in Nina's Heavenly Delights

From coping with an old relationship to dreaming about a new one, this scene captures that common lesbian experience of standing at a night club, watching your crush dance, and wishing it was you touching her. Nina’s gone to the gay club with her gay best friend and run into Lisa. Amid the swirls of music, alcohol, and a performance from The Chutney Queens, Nina imagines touching Lisa in a heavenly glow. Like many a disappointing night at the club, it won’t happen quite yet, but the thought sure is pretty.


6. Super spy make out from Atomic Blonde

Top lesbian night club scenes: Charlize Theron holds Sofia Boutella up against a wall with a gun

Like many spy movies, the plot of Atomic Blonde is fairly unimportant. What is important is the fight sequences and this steamy make out. Charlize Theron and Sofia Boutella kiss at the bar of a club and then excuse themselves to somewhere more private. But things are never simple for someone in this profession so pretty soon Theron’s character pulls out a gun. But, hey, let’s be honest: This only makes it hotter.


5. Alyssa explores in Where the Wind Comes From

Eya Bellagha and Slim Baccar in Where the Wind Comes From

This was my favorite movie I saw at Sundance this year and I’m so excited for it to get released and more people to watch it! One reason is for the incredible club scene in the middle of the movie. Director Amel Guellaty does such a great job creating the magical vibe of the club and that’s before the sequence and the movie even get gay. I don’t want to say too much about this sequence since the movie isn’t out yet but lets just say it combines strangers bonding in a bathroom, a hot femme helping someone with her makeup, flirting via sharing a cigarette, a dash of magical realism, bold formal choices, and a club make out. A perfect moment in a perfect film!


4. Good girl gone bad in Black Swan

The best lesbian night club scenes: Natalie Portman double exposed in the club in Black Swan

Can a white swan become a black swan? What if she does molly at the club? This sequence that largely takes place in the dark with flashes of dance floor shenanigans is equal parts erotic and frightening. It captures that feeling of being out of control at a club which can to lead to some of the best nights and certainly some of the worst. Lucky for Nina as played by Natalie Portman, she makes it home ready for a lezzy wet dream.


3. The opening of Pariah

The best lesbian night club scenes: Alike looks up at a dancer on stage in Pariah

An Audre Lorde quote, brief shots of people getting into a club, and then… all you ladies pop your pussy like this, shake your body don’t stop don’t miss. A woman slides down a pole upside down to “My Neck, My Back” and then the camera spins around on baby stud Alike’s overwhelmed face. Throughout the film Alike will face challenges of first love and familial homophobia, but the euphoria of queerness felt in moments like this opening are what makes the film so special. It’s a reminder that someday Alike will grow up, return to a club like this, and find a place of total belonging.


2. Separate parties in Eva + Candela

Alejandra Lara sits on the phone in the side of the frame in Eva + CandelaSilvia Santamaría takes a drag of a cigarette in a night club in Eva + Candela

This is arguably the lesbian breakup movie and this sequence is among its best. With distance building, both literal and emotional, Candela and Eva find themselves having separate nights out. At different times, they both try to call the other with no success, but otherwise they actually find joy elsewhere. It’s a bittersweet moment as they both realize they don’t actually need or maybe even want their partner. At this point, they’re better with new people. They’re better on their own.


1. The kiss from Mars One

The best lesbian club scenes: Two women kiss in a club with a glowing blue light behind them

Okay, you got me. Every lesbian film list I make is just an excuse to try and get more people to watch my favorite queer movie of the last five years: Mars One. From number four on the lesbian movie make out list to number one on the night club list, I’m once again here to write about this perfectly choreographed club kiss. May this scene inspire you to go to the club this summer and actually make a move. The days of lesbian longing are over. There’s no time! Eye contact is fun, but kissing is better. The clubs are waiting. Dance! Kiss! Live!

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 744 articles for us.

A Breastfeeding Journey Of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Baby Step

Welcome back to Baby Steps, a column about being gay and having a baby. Last time we talked about how our baby throws up 1000 times a day, which is still true!


Gretchen: Let the record reflect that I’m currently breastfeeding on my left boob.

Riese: How’s that going for you?

Gretchen: Right now, flawlessly.

Riese: That’s great. So on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rank your breastfeeding journey so far?

Gretchen: First of all, I want to say that everybody has to call it a “journey.”

Riese: Nobody should ask, “How’s breastfeeding going?” They should say, “How’s your breastfeeding journey going?”

Gretchen: Exactly.

Riese: It’s like a gender journey! Well, I mean — in a way, it is a gender journey.

Gretchen: Yeah, it kind of is! Because now I don’t want boobs anymore. I never thought about my boobs before and now I want to get rid of them. But if I could rank it — some days it’s like “Hell, yeah!” when I do it successfully. I feel pretty powerful. But overall, I would say it’s a negative a billion, as an experience. But then sometimes I’m like, “It’s a 10,” because of convenience and because it does feel like I am bonding with him when it’s going well.

Riese: How do you feel when it’s not going well?

Gretchen: I feel like we are enemies at war in a hostile state.

Riese: But his only weapon is like… well, throwing up all over you.

Gretchen:  But that happens every day anyway.

Riese: So from the start, one thing that people kept saying to me when I told them about you being pregnant was, “Make sure Gretchen doesn’t feel pressured to breastfeed.” So I told you all the time, Gretchen, don’t feel pressured to breastfeed.

Gretchen: Right. But you know my personality.

Riese: Which is you want to be number one.

Gretchen: Yes, in all things, including breastfeeding.

Riese: You’ve said to me that you feel, even though I’m not giving you any pressure to breastfeed, that you feel pressure from society.

Gretchen: You can’t be online as a Mom and not feel pressure. I thought, as somebody that works in social media, that I would be immune to influence.

Riese: Right. Because you understand it on a macro level.

Gretchen: Yeah. I’m like, I know what’s happening!

Riese: You should be able to intellectualize yourself out of it.

Gretchen: Before I got pregnant, besides an occasional, “Oh, I want to want to buy that clothing item,” I wasn’t influenced because I get it, and I know the traps. But when you have zero sleep and your hormones are off the charts, you’re in the most susceptible state to be influenced, I think.

Riese: That’s true! And no-one is influenced too more aggressively than moms.

Gretchen: A mother who’s up at 3:00 a.m., breastfeeding on the newborn struggle bus. That’s when they get you.

Riese: That’s when they worm their way into your brain and scream: “Breast is best.”

Gretchen: Breast is best!

Riese: And you say, “Well, one thing about me is, I’m going to be the best.”

Gretchen: Exactly. Anyhow, I had a lot of lofty dreams about how breastfeeding was going to go, as many mothers do.

Riese: Well, not your mother.

Gretchen: Yeah, besides my own mother who said, “Yeah, that’s that,” one day into it and put me on formula.

Riese: But look at you now!

Gretchen: To her credit, I’m perfect.

Riese:  That’s the thing! It’s like really? What will breastfeeding really do for your kid?

Gretchen:  Right. Like I wanted to do it to save money, but also wanted to do it because allegedly, it’s better for the baby. But who knows? Does anyone really know?

Riese: We did watch the Netflix documentary about guys buying breastmilk to help them with bodybuilding. So it’s good for them. Allegedly.

Gretchen: Can I prove that it’s better for the baby?

Riese: Well he is walking, talking and reading already.

Gretchen: Yes, he is headed to the LA Olympics. They’ve already contacted him.

Riese: He’ll be doing shot put.

Gretchen: It’s all been worth it. Just to get him to get that gold medal!

Riese: Just kidding everybody — actually he can’t even roll over yet. [update July 3rd 2025: Jude can roll over!]

Gretchen: I asked so many Moms how long they breastfed and was like, “Okay, I’ve got to beat that.” Anyway, like all things motherhood, I’ve been humbled.

Riese: But also, you are straight-up exclusively breastfeeding. We don’t even do bottles, really. You rarely pump. So I feel like you’re on the high end in terms of percentage of times he’s eating directly from your breast.

Gretchen: Yes. But I think that’s a lot of privilege — I’m not working so I have the opportunity to do this. Then that’s even more pressure, honestly, because I’m like, “What else am I doing?”

Riese: But that’ll change when you go back to work.

Gretchen: Definitely. But I thought that this was the best route. I went in thinking that my friends who breastfeed, tend to do it for about a year. So that’s my goal.

Riese: Still?

Gretchen: Well, ask me again in a month if I’m still breastfeeding.

Riese: You’ve had some struggles though, you would say?

Gretchen: Yeah, I would say.

Riese: Beginning with a bleb. I knew about some breastfeeding problems, like undersupply, and also failure to latch, because that’s what happened on The Office with Pam, her baby wasn’t latching. So right away Jude latched and we were like, “Amazing. Score.”

Gretchen: At the beginning, it felt like Jude rocked at this. I had a great nurse at Cedars who walked me through it, and it was easy. And I thought, in my stupor, “I’m crushing this.”

Riese: He is good at breastfeeding! He’s just not good at swallowing and digesting.

Gretchen: Right. Great eater. Terrible digester.

Riese: Because he throws up about half of what he consumes.

Gretchen: Right. The problems started about a week in. First was blebs. Which, when I’ve talked to other mothers, weirdly, not a lot of people knew about it!

Riese: I guess it’s one of those many things you don’t know about until it happens to you.

Gretchen: They’re blisters on your boob, and it makes it feel like every time your baby is latching that you’re getting a nipple piercing. And because I was exclusively breastfeeding and he ate eight or nine times a day, it was like getting my nipple pierced eight or nine times a day.

Riese: This is where another woman would’ve given up.

Gretchen: And this is where I dug in.

Riese: You said, “Oh, it hurts? Good.”

Gretchen: No pain, no gain.

Riese: Life does hurt.

Gretchen: He was underweight at first also, so we had to get the gains! I was determined.

Riese: If there’s anyone who can grit their teeth through the pain—

Gretchen: It’s going to be me. I’m going to embrace the pain. So, I had those for the first three months, on and off.

Riese: That was rough on the home because you kept soaking them in vinegar, so everything smelled like vinegar.

Gretchen: Yeah I was like, “Am I making salad dressing or am I making a cure?”

Riese: That was when I went to CVS three times in two hours ‘cause you kept changing your mind about the cure. The third time I was like, “I’m going to wear a different hat this time.” They’re probably like, “What is going on with you?”

Gretchen: I think when you have a baby, going to CVS three times within an hour is pretty much par for the course. They’re like, “That’s fine. She must have a baby.”

Riese: They’re like, “Did you already eat the Nerd Clusters you had the first time?” And I’m like, “No, I just think we might need more for later.” So we had ice pads, heating pads, cooling pads. The third trip to CVS was when you said to get you a sewing needle and a Zippo.

Gretchen: Okay. I want to caveat that I’m not a doctor and that everything here is not medical advice.

Riese: Nobody should ever do what you did.

Gretchen: But I did get desperate enough and it was painful enough that I did use a sterilized needle to pierce my own boob, and it went away. I mean, other ones came.

Riese: Sometimes I’m like, “If I was a husband, would I have been like, ‘No, you can’t do that’?”

Gretchen: No. Would you?

Riese: I mean, I know it’s not recommended. But as a person who once penetrated my own sty that was millimeters away from my actual eyeball with a needle at home…

Gretchen: That is so dangerous.

Riese: But, Gretchen!

Gretchen: It worked?

Riese: It worked. So who was I to stand here and judge you for what you were doing? What ground did I have to stand on? What glass house was I in?

Gretchen: I talked to actual doctors. I tried sunflower lectin. The whole time I spent on Reddit looking up people’s solutions for blebs is… I’ll never get those days back. Those were rough days. Then I got a clogged duct that immediately turned into Mastitis.

Riese: Which was very bad it seemed.

Gretchen: I woke up feeling like someone had run me over with a truck and I thought, “I guess this is motherhood.” And probably would’ve died thinking that. When I was researching more about the blebs, Mastitis came up and I was like, “Oh, that’s what I have.” It felt like mono. It felt like exhaustion, flu, all the things.

Riese: You’re taking antibiotics for that.

Gretchen: Luckily, my doctor believes women and just called in the prescription. They also tell you to breastfeed through it. So what I figured out for blebs is that eventually it will resolve itself.

Riese: I hate it when they say that. I’m like, “There’s got to be a cure.”

Gretchen: Same, but there was no speeding it along for me. You just leave it. Mastitis, you can sense it, basically feel like it’s coming — the medical advice is outdated. It’s changed, starting in 2022.

Riese: You know this now because you found it in a medical journal article, printed it out, and read it.

Gretchen: I highlighted sections of it. I took notes.

Riese: At some point, our doctor lanced your bleb, right?

Gretchen: Yeah, but it came back. I dreaded Jude eating on my right boob, and no-one should be sitting there dreading their son eating that many times a day. It was awful, but so was pumping.

Riese: But at this time, you’re free of infections.

Gretchen: Yes, I feel like a new person. The other day I played pickleball with my friends. Life-changing.

Riese: It was really brave of you to fight through all of that pain. You have a very strong constitution.

Gretchen: I think that’s just being a mother now. Is you really just have to just suck it up if you want something for your kid. And I really wanted to breastfeed him. I mean, for reasons other than ego. Because it’s affordable.

Riese: At a time when nothing else is affordable.

Gretchen: Exactly. I wanted to breastfeed because I think it is bonding. When I pump, it’s like I am a robot and I’m plugged into a wall. A friend of mine pumped exclusively, and I was like, “How?” I mean, now they have portable pumps and there’s wearables and all these other contraptions. But when she was breastfeeding, there wasn’t anything portable so she was truly stuck. And it’s like eight times a day. A newborn has to eat every two hours.

Riese: He still eats every two hours.

Gretchen: He does. I don’t know what that’s about.

Riese: It could be because every time he eats, he throws up half of what he just ate.

Gretchen: It very well could be! Every morning we’ll wake up. He smiles, it’s very adorable. He does this little hello smile. And then I breastfeed him for 20 minutes, and then he pukes pretty much all over me. I’m usually drenched, the bed’s drenched. Then he smiles, and then we start our day, and that’s just a little christening of the new day.

Riese: Just a little preview of what’s to come as the day continues.

Gretchen: Our doctors say that he’s eventually going to grow out of it. Our pediatrician has him on Pepcid and Prevacid now, temporarily, which hasn’t stopped the spit up, but does make him a lot happier. Then we went to a GI.

Riese: The GI told us to do a soy-free, dairy-free diet. So that’s what we’re doing right now. We’d done dairy-free before, but nothing changed. He said that’s ’cause we didn’t also cut out soy. He said we should’ve done that before doing medicine, “Because giving up soy and dairy, there’s no downside to that, but the medicine, there could be.”

Gretchen: I looked at this man and I thought, “Sir, what have you ever in your life given up? Ever?” He just said it with such a nonchalant, “Just give up dairy and soy.” Like I’m not sleep-deprived, exhausted, just doing my best with my three-month-old. I could simply go home and bake my own bread in a soy-free facility.

Riese: I do all the grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking and everything like that, so I was like, “This will be a lot.” A lot of work but also a LOT of money. And it has been!

Gretchen: You kind of took it on like I took breastfeeding on.

Riese: Well, a much smaller scale. Breastfeeding is much harder!

Gretchen: Right, but you wanted to do a good job.

Riese: I do meal prep all day Sundays now. So that we won’t be desperate during the week.

Gretchen: You’ve been wonderful about it.

Riese: I’ve labeled all the foods.

Gretchen: Everybody in my ‘Mommy and Me’ class thinks you’re just the best.

Riese: It’s because they’re married to men.

Gretchen: Well, that might be so.

Riese: But everyone at home needs to know, you might think, “Soy, okay, give up soy sauce. That’s not a big deal.” The problem with soy is, soy lectin is in everything.

Gretchen: Whatever you’re eating right now, it has soy in it.

Riese: Unless it’s an apple you’ve just plucked off a tree.

Gretchen: And even then, you can’t know.

Riese: And even then somebody may have sprayed it with soy lectin. Somebody might process it in a facility with tree nuts, milk, and soy lectin.

Gretchen:  The other day Riese brings me walnuts and was like, “How do these have milk in them?”

Riese: They’re processed in the same facility that has milk. I’m like, “Well, I mean, aren’t we all?” Anyhow, how would you say the diet has gone so far?

Gretchen: I would say my happiness has gone significantly down, and I would say we’ve seen no change with Jude.

Riese: No change at all.

Gretchen: Nothing.

Riese: But I did find a good recipe for vegan chocolate chip cookies.

Gretchen: I eat them every day. That’s my little treat.

Riese: It’s really difficult to actually find store-bought cookies that are soy lectin-free.

Gretchen: The thing is, when you’re a breastfeeding mom, all you really want is a little treat. You want want your little dairy treat. You want a piece of pizza!

Riese:  I feel like Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t eat soy and her idea is that we’d all be better off if we didn’t eat soy either, but it’s been three weeks and I don’t feel better off at all.

Gretchen: I feel pressed.

Riese: I feel cold-pressed, honestly, if I could. But the GI was so nonchalant about it, and then Gretchen was like, “At what point should I just give up and switch to hypoallergenic formula?” And he’s like, “Oh, I would never tell a mother not to breastfeed.” And I’m like, “Of course you wouldn’t.”

Gretchen: I felt so judged in that moment. He laughed. He said, “Weren’t you just saying your mom gave up after one day?”

Riese: Which you only told him because you were telling him that you’d had allergies as a kid.

Gretchen: Right, I was asking if that’s a possibility with my son. Instead, he was laughing at me and handing me a flyer about how to bake my own bread?

Riese: One of the harder things about a soy-free dairy-free diet is that if a product or a recipe is free of something, they want you to be free of everything. I can’t find dairy-free soy-free mac and cheese mix that isn’t also gluten-free. And lord I’m giving up dairy and soy, so I’m gonna need a little gluten! I’m gonna need an egg, or a slab of meat!

Gretchen: We are desperate for meat. We are desperate for gluten.

Riese: We asked him, “What if there’s no change in a month?” And he says, “Give up eggs.”

Gretchen: “If you can,” and I don’t know that we can.

[Editor’s Note: we gave up the soy-free dairy-free diet because there was zero change in Jude’s spit-up journey. We are still eating eggs and mad at the GI.]

Gretchen: I don’t know. I’m sure eggs are in everything too, right?

Riese: For the record, a month ago we did say we would never give up soy.

Gretchen: Yeah. We’re always saying, “We’re not going to give this up.” And then we give it up. We surrender. We throw our hands up and say, “What else can we give up?”

Riese: So in general, on your breastfeeding journey, if you think about a journey across the ocean… What kind of journey would you most compare it to? Of all the different kinds of journeys that exist?

Gretchen: I would say, in a life raft in the North Sea.

Riese: Difficult for me to ask you this because my geography knowledge is extensive and I am very proud of that but also that knowledge is very linked to the land specifically and not bodies of water — where’s the North Sea?

Gretchen: It’s really scary. I’ve seen it on TikTok.

Riese: You have?

Gretchen: Yeah. Everyone check out North Sea TikTok. It’s pretty intense. The waves do not look survivable. That’s how I would describe my journey. I think I’m humbled. I think that going into it thinking that I was going to do this for a year was ambitious, and that every day I reevaluate where I am with it. Now we’re four months in. No blebs, no mastitis. He’s still latching well. I have plenty of supply. But he does keep throwing up.

Riese: And you’re overproducing a little because he eats twice as much as he needs since he throws up so much of it. Really, we could be selling half of that milk to—

Gretchen: To a bodybuilder. Or Facebook Marketplace.

Riese: “Anyone want the rest of this?” since he’s going to throw it up.

Gretchen: Do you want to spike your smoothie? Here you go.

Riese: That’s probably how we’re going to pay for childcare.

Gretchen: Selling my breast milk?

Riese: Soy-free, dairy-free breast milk. That’s got to be top dollar.

Gretchen: That’s got to be at least a dollar an ounce. Take this straight to Goop.

Riese: I did buy the hypoallergenic formula!

Gretchen: To see if it worked for him?

Riese: No! So that, if at any moment in time, you ever felt like you can’t do this anymore, that it’s there.

Gretchen: It’s sitting there, it’s like, “If you give up, here you go.”

Riese: But it wasn’t me saying, “If you give up,” it was me saying-

Gretchen:  No, no, this isn’t you. This is how my brain works, which is messed up. But it’s like, “If you want to throw in the towel…” It’s like, “You made it this far in the marathon, think you want to just give up?” Of course I didn’t give up. I powered through and was deeply ill for weeks afterwards.

Riese: The harder thing was really that our friend brought over donuts yesterday and you couldn’t eat those.

Gretchen: Oh, a wonderful friend brought over donuts and I couldn’t eat them, because they probably have soy and dairy and all of the things. You wouldn’t even trust me with them. You put them immediately in the freezer.

Riese: I was going to the store and I didn’t want to leave you at home with the donuts. We have not eaten this much vegan mayonnaise for you to stop and have a powdered donut right now.

Gretchen: I want one so bad.


On the day we gave up on the diet Gretchen immediately had a donut. It was delicious. 

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3342 articles for us.

5 Comments

  1. oh gretchen!! you are an absolute champ!! i had very mild mastitis once, and i thought i was dying. so for you to keep going through that, i bow down to you. but if you feel like stopping, IT IS NOT GIVING UP. it’s doing what’s right for you. every drop of milk that he’s actually digested is helping him, so don’t make yourself crazy over the amount of time you breastfeed for. <3

  2. For such a so called evolved species, breastfeeding is way harder than it should be. My wife struggled through with both kids even as I begged her to consider stopping. We finally did with baby2 at 7 months. Everything is relatable. Solid food makes a world of difference, and Jude is getting closer everyday!!

  3. I tell my 2 year old about how he couldn’t latch onto the boob when he was new and he is riveted every time. Not helpful now but Jude will probably loooove the barfing stories when all this is long behind you and you wonder how you ever coped with it all.

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On Lena Dunham’s ‘Too Much’ Queer Actors Perform Straight Chaos

Until its final episode, the second season of Lena Dunham’s HBO series Girls was one of the best seasons of television I’d ever seen. After poorly addressing some outside critiques, it relaxed into being a remarkable balance of drama and comedy, realism and fantasy. Episodes like “It’s a Shame About Ray” and “One Man’s Trash” remain series highs and even less beloved chapters like “Video Games” are severely underrated. It would never be the universal portrait of delayed girlhood/floundering adulthood the internet desired, but it was an undeniable portrait of the people it knew so well.

And then that last episode.

The finale “Together” has two baffling choices that confused me in 2013 and confuse me still — two romantic reunions that give the episode its title. The first is Marnie and Charlie and the suggestion that them getting back together — especially with Marnie’s “little brown babies” speech — is meant to be anything but misguided. And the second, a sweeping romcom moment for Hannah and Adam, felt counter to everything the show had achieved thus far. Was Adam’s uncomfortable treatment of his new girlfriend in the previous episode an opportunity to explore the grey area between bad sex and assault? Or was it just an excuse to break them up so he could get back with Hannah? To misquote another excellent Girls episode, weirdos need grand romantic gestures too. But, at its best, the show was so much more complicated than two people finding all the answers in another fucked up soulmate. Alas the saccharine score as Adam runs through the city to rescue Hannah from an OCD spiral suggested otherwise — a suggestion reinforced when the credits roll and a romantic song written for the show by Dunham’s then partner Jack Antonoff begins to play.

I bring up this frustrating moment because after nearly a decade Lena Dunham has returned to our TVs and this time she’s doubled down on making a romcom. Too Much, loosely based on Dunham’s breakup with Antonoff, move to London, and romance with her now-husband Luis Felber begins with fantasy. Jessica (Megan Stalter) has arrived in London and she describes the various women she can become now that she’s in England based on BBC shows. With episode titles like “Nonsense and Sensibility” and “Notting Kill” the show is overt in its messaging that this will be a grand British love story or, at least, Jessica will think this is a grand British love story.

The reality is more complicated. Jessica isn’t monologuing in her Bridget Jones’ diary. She’s recording private vlogs directed at Wendy Jones (Emily Ratajkowski), the new fiancée of her ex-boyfriend Zev (Michael Zegen) whose shared home she broke into drunk one night prompting this move across the Atlantic. Jessica is not okay and falling into a romance with struggling musician Felix (Will Sharpe) will not make her okay.

The series is at its best when it’s celebrating this relationship while understanding its limits. The third — and shortest — episode follows Jessica and Felix as they stay up all night in Jessica’s apartment. Their burgeoning connection feels grounded in reality and the chemistry of Stalter and Sharpe. The work still required within each individual and for the pair isn’t ignored — it’s just secondary to the talking and sex of a relationship’s early days and nights.

Even when the show is in this more grounded place, its tone is still closer to Dunham’s film Sharp Stick than the realism of Girls. This heightened quality can feel disorienting, but it works for the genre. The problem is when the series leans even more into being Dunham’s take on Love, Actually. (Something Dunham nods to in an episode title and in Jessica’s job line producing a Christmas-themed commercial.) Like in that second season finale of Girls, the big romcom moments don’t feel earned. The tonal balancing act of the series comes crashing to the ground and it takes its characters’ complexities with it.

With episodes that hover around 40 minutes each, there’s plenty of time to explore the worlds of Jessica and Felix, and some of these side characters and subplots work better than others. Wendy Jones is best in fantasy and Zev best in small doses. Maybe Antonoff really was this insufferable, but the more time we get with Zev and the worse the character appears, the more it feels like Jessica’s problems are being blamed on one shitty man. Even if this was true in life, it makes for a far less interesting narrative choice. More effective is Jessica’s family with her mom played by Rita Wilson, her grandma played by Rhea Perlman, and her sister played by Dunham herself. Their scenes together are some of the show’s funniest and most endearing. (I’m sure people will have things to say about Dunham casting Andrew Rannells as her estranged pansexual husband but I loved it… until the end.)

Other standouts are Andrew Scott as the commercial’s director, Adèle Exarchopolous as Felix’s ex-lover/current friend, Janicza Bravo as Jessica’s newly lesbian coworker, and Felix’s family played by Stephen Fry, Kaori Momoi, and Emily Piggford. Richard E. Grant and Naomi Watts — who I usually love! — as Jessica’s boss and boss’ wife feel like two characters too many and are big in a way the show doesn’t need. Some of Felix’s other exes not played by Adèle Exarchopoulos also didn’t quite work for me.

Even Girls was full of kooky side characters, but its story was grounded by its leads. Stalter is a very different performer from Dunham and it results in a show that, true to its title, can feel like too much. Often, the writing — and Sharpe’s wonderful, understated performance — balances this out allowing Stalter to be herself in a way that really works. Other times the writing leans in and it does not.

I just wish Dunham and her writing team had trusted the quieter moments and not always felt the need to make the biggest choice. Everything doesn’t need to be resolved, everyone doesn’t have to get back together, each character doesn’t have to be neatly slotted into hero or villain. Even in romcom fantasyland that’s often not the most effective choice. At the very least, save something for season two.


Too Much is now streaming on Netflix.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 744 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. Ah man, I was hoping this would be good! Particularly saddened the Megan Stalter and Richard E. Grant scenes don’t work I was really excited to see those actors Big Choices riff together!

    • For what it’s worth, I think it is good! Just not… as great as I wanted it to be. Still definitely recommend it though.

      And you might disagree with me on Richard E. Grant! I’m not quite sure why he didn’t quite click for me here.

    • I really think you should give it a try. The couple work out pretty well together and there are some really good life advices in there, in their conversations, in how Meg’s character really is too much at some moments. I loved it.

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‘Ironheart’ Brings Another Queer Witch to the MCU

If you’re a queer Marvel fan like me and you’ve already devoured all of Ironheart (and read Nic’s amazing piece about the show), you are probably also geeking about how queer it is, especially compared to other Marvel properties. With Runaways scrubbed from the face of the internet (:sob:), Agatha All Along currently stands as the queerest entry in the MCU canon, but Ironheart almost gave it a run for its money with the very queer “be gay, do crime” crew we met in the first batch of three episodes. Between Slug, the nonbinary hacker played by Shea Couleé and trans Blood Sibling Jeri played by Zoe Terakes, plus hints here and there that Riri herself could be queer (e.g. her not correcting her mother when she asked if Riri was hiding a boy or girl in her room, and a sticker I spotted on her door that I thiiiiink is a rainbow helmet), Ironheart was off to the queer races from the jump.

In the second batch of episodes, we meet Zelma, a witch Riri goes to for help solving her little Hood problem. As we know, from real life, general pop culture, and Agatha All Along, all witches are inherently queer. However, it’s always a delight to have it confirmed. Zelma is played by Regan Aliyah, who you might know from XO, Kitty, and who is queer herself. While the dialogue and plot don’t allude to Zelma’s queerness explicitly, it’s still pretty obvious to anyone paying attention. For one, a shirt that says “you’re too good for him,” which isn’t necessarily queer but isn’t NOT, and the inarguable proof: a shirt that says “I <3 BX” where the heart has a rainbow. Plus, of course, Regan herself has confirmed it in an interview, saying that Zelma is “too cool not to be” queer. She adds, “if I’m playing the character, there’s something they’re seeing that’s a little queer in the character. That’s why they hired me, you know?”

There were hints within Ironheart that this might not be the last we see of Zelma, so here’s hoping we get more witchy queerness in the MCU years to come.


Double, Double, Let More News Bubble

+ Chappell Roan let her hair down for a photo shoot in NYC that has fans theorizing

+ Rachel Zegler added a little nod to Pride in her Evita performance last week

+ Sabrina Carpenter flirted with Ayo Edebiri at her concert

+ The Morning Show has released its season four teaser

+ In this week’s edition of “everything I’ve learned about JoJo Siwa has been against my will”: she is NOT pregnant, despite the rumors but she HAS butchered covered the Kim Carnes song Bette Davis Eyes and for some reason people think her transformation from her rainbow mullet (wig) to trad wife chic is something “no one” has done before

+ Chely Wright reflects on what has and hasn’t changed for queer artists in the 15 years since she came out

+ GALECA has announced their Dorian Award winners for this year’s TV season, where Hacks took home a whopping six wins

+ Survivor Star Parvati Shallow talks about queerness changing the way she saw herself in her new memoir Nice Girls Don’t Win

+ Queer Eye‘s 10th season on Netflix will be its last

+ And last but certainly not least, I leave you with a queer history of The Muppets

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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 658 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. The only thing that I needed to see to know that Zelma was queer was how she looked at Riri when she came in the shop.

  2. 1) I feel like everything I learn about jojo siwa is against my will and yet I still cannot escape learning things?!???
    2) I’m SO grateful that my early life was (and continues to be) blissfully un-observed by anyone besides a handful of family members and my fbi agent

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11 Gay Thoughts About ‘Love Island USA’ Season 7

1. The boys’ platonic intimacy is very queer coded. It’s gay in the best ways.

2. The least triggering part of the whole show is all the crossover. Yes I dated you two days ago and today my villa mate wants to explore the connection and that’s a-ogay!

3. As a lesbian, I find the lack of breakfast options to be infuriating!!

4. Taylor + Clarke being kicked off the villa is the lesbian blueprint. We get partnered and disappear from everyone and everything.

5. Maybe it’s none of what the internet is saying. What if Huda were simply a repressed queer person?

6. Chris’s sperm should be available for lesbians globally who’d like to have babies.

7. What if Meg The Stallion’s debut, Austin Austining, and Chelley the verified bi baddie were planted soft launches hinting at a queer Love Island???? A gay can dream!!

8. You know when you run into your ex and their new boo sooner than you wanted? I’d like to start calling that a “bombshell entering the villa”

9. Nic + Olandria are a representation of you + the best friend you should actually be dating. Take that person out the friend zone

10. ‘Eat that kitty in the hideaway’ is not only a hit but a great reminder to set in your apple cal for meals and for sexy time

11. “I consider myself a circle, and people need to stop putting me in a square”– Amaya Papaya.  That’s it. That’s the quote.

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mal

Mal Wright is currently making moves in her role in Partnerships & HR at Autostraddle/ForThem, where she channels her expertise in people and connection-building into meaningful collaborations. But if she looks familiar, it might be because you saw her navigating emotional curveballs on Netflix’s The Ultimatum: Queer Love with sharp wit, charm, and a well-placed reality TV moment (or two). Previously working in HR, Mal has always been someone who understands relationships whether in the workplace or on-screen. When she’s not fostering partnerships, she’s out rock climbing, hiking and gathering with queer community in Brooklyn NY. You can follow her on Instagram

mal has written 1 article for us.

1 Comment

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No Filter: Cynthia Erivo Celebrates the Thong Song

feature image by Aeon / Contributor via Getty Images

Hello and welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you all about the best things that queer celebrities have posted on Instagram! Let’s rock and roll!


Question for the team: Is this the stickiest song in Chappell’s discography? I can hear one single second of it and I KNOW it will be stuck in here all damn day!


Yes, more close readings of iconic songs by Cynthia.


I hope literally every single famous person just keeps getting gayer as they age, that’s what I like to see!


Divorce is sad, though these two seem like they will be fine and there is still a lot of love there, which is good! Mostly because I want to think about what went into selecting that photo — did they take it for this purpose? Did they have it already and thought “Oh it looks like Gigi is leaving, so that’s perfect.” I’m sorry, this is just what my mind is like!


Just another lace top that I simply NEED in my closet!


I know almost nothing about professional basketball, but I do remember these images of players in the 90s and they are perfect!!!


IMAGINE A SLEEPOVER WITH ELLIE?? She is too big for my house, so I get the disappointment!


SHE IS SO RIGHT AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS POINT. That key change gets me LIT UP FROM THE TIT UP!


It must be so lovely to be Chrishell. The right amount of fame, a dog, a boo…nice life!


Okay well there was never a more perfect guest judge in life? Honesty Liv should be a permanent judge but I guess they are “busy.” Fine!


Concert photography remains my favorite genre of photography! It is simply bad ass!


Ohooo Tommy in this green with that hair color? HELL yes, to me!

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Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

Christina has written 360 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. i had the same thought wondering about that break up picture 🤔🤨🧐
    some real “chicken or the egg” type jawn on that one!

    came here for the erivo + thong song mash up, stayed for the celeb gossip, 90% of them i dont know & 100% hated the usa pride but *shrug* what’s a girl to do while procrastinating on the clock?!

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That Ugly Ass Tax Bill Disproportionately Impacts the Trans Community

feature image photo by Stephanie Keith / Contributor via Getty Images

This is Trans News Tracker, a biweekly Autostraddle roundup and analysis of the biggest trans news stories.


Although the world is certainly burning in a million other ways, the last couple of weeks actually felt a little quieter in the trans news sector. That doesn’t necessarily mean nothing’s happening, but it feels like the attacks are slowing down. I would never venture to assert this means the far right and the various other villains we have to deal with are realizing anti-trans actions are a losing strategy, but it does appear their mainstream attention is shifting slowly. At least for now.


Senate Removes Provision Banning Medicaid-Supported Gender-Affirming Care From the GOP’s Tax Bill

The passing of the GOP’s “Big Beautiful Bill” has taken up a lot of space in the news and on media commentary shows for good reason. The bill, now law as of July 4, includes absolutely gut-wrenching cuts to Medicaid, increases the spending for Immigrations and Customs Enforcement (ICE), and restricts SNAP and food stamp benefits, along with a litany of other terrifying reprecussions. But one thing that seems to be consistently glossed over is, technically, big news for trans people whose gender-affirming healthcare was threatened in earlier versions of the bill.

Before the bill was brought to the Senate for a vote, the bill included provisions on Medicaid payments for trans people of all ages who received gender-affirming healthcare through their Medicaid benefits. Rolling Stone reports, “On June 26, the Senate parliamentarian concluded that the ban of the use of Medicaid funds for gender affirming medical care for transgender minors and adults violated the Byrd Rule, which prohibits the inclusion of ‘extraneous’ measures in budget reconciliation bills.” As the Senate debated what should and should not be included in the bill, these provisions were dropped from the final version before the bill made its way to the House for approval. This means, the final version of the bill that was signed into law by President Trump didn’t include these provisions, which means people who were receiving those benefits will be able to continue to do so.

However, that doesn’t mean other challenges aren’t ahead for many trans and queer people who receive gender-affirming care through organizations like Planned Parenthood or receive their HIV treatment through Medicaid, which both face major cuts due to the bill’s passing into law. These provisions can and will be detrimental for people who receive treatment through these means.

As David Stacy, the Human Rights Campaign’s vice president for government affairs, said in a report by The Advocate, “The fact remains that this bill belongs in the trash. It continues to include devastating cuts to health care programs – including Medicaid – that would disproportionately harm the LGBTQ+ community, all so the already rich can receive huge tax cuts.”


Some Good News For Once

California refuses to comply with Trump administration demand to bar women trans-athletes. Despite the Trump administration’s attempts to stop trans inclusion in almost every area of our lives, California rejected the administration’s resolution agreement to exclude trans women and girls from playing on the sports teams that correspond with their gender. According to this report, “Legal challenges to these actions, including more than two dozen lawsuits involving California are ongoing. In some cases, the Trump administration has successfully held back or canceled certain funds. In other instances, judges have blocked the administration or ordered a restoration of dollars,” which makes their defiance of the administration’s orders even more important and powerful.

ACLU urges trans people who need passport updates to apply “as soon as possible.” As we reported here last month, a District Court in Massachusetts placed a preliminary injunction on the Trump administration’s State Department’s issuing of passports with the appropriate gender markers for trans people. Now that the State Department has started to comply with the injunction, the ACLU has issued some important notifications about how to handle getting passports changed to the appropriate gender marker and when to request these changes.

North Carolina governor vetoes ‘mean-spirited’ anti-trans and DEI bills. This headline is pretty straight-forward, so I want to highlight what Governor Josh Stein said as he was vetoing these ridiculous bills: “At a time when teachers, law enforcement, and state employees need pay raises and people need shorter lines at the DMV, the legislature failed to pass a budget and, instead, wants to distract us by stoking culture wars that further divide us. These mean-spirited bills would marginalize vulnerable people and also undermine the quality of public services and public education. Therefore, I am vetoing them. I stand ready to work with the legislature when it gets serious about protecting people and addressing North Carolinians’ pressing concerns.” You know what? That’s about as perfect a response we’re going to get from a politician regarding these issues.

San Francisco bookstore stops selling J.K. Rowling titles due to ‘Harry Potter’ author’s anti-trans views. The Booksmith in Haight-Ashbury doing what other retailers should do: hitting transphobes directly in their wallets.

NYC mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani vows to ‘expand and protect’ trans healthcare. Yes, he’s a politician, which you all know I inherently distrust. However, I do think his campaign is a good example in the face of many other Democrats who are leaving trans people in the dust to keep their grips on power. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s vowing $65 million of the state budget to go towards trans healthcare should he be voted in as mayor in November.


News I Wish I Didn’t Have to Report

Penn erasing Lia Thomas’ records signals more erasure of trans athletes is coming. In some of the more devastating news coming out of the sports world, officials at UPenn have decided to strip Lia Thomas of her medals and records as a competitive swimmer. Apparently, the losers on the board also agreed to send a “letter of apology” to all of the other athletes Thomas competed against during her tenure on the women’s swim team.

Supreme Court will hear challenges to bans on athletic participation by transgender students. Relatedly, more trans sports bans cases are being brought to the Supreme Court. Given how the Supreme Court has been ruling in all of the cases regarding trans youth and trans people in general, this could bring additional challenges to states who are refusing to enforce the Trump administration’s trans sports ban. I will be keeping a close eye on this as these cases unfold.

Transgender rights cases reopened after Supreme Court ruling—even ones it didn’t touch. Following their decision in the United States v. Skrmetti case that solidified bans on gender-affirming care for trans youth, the Supreme Court is taking aim at other cases that it never even heard in the first place. According to Erin Reed’s report, “The three rulings that SCOTUS vacated and remanded are as follows: Kadel v. Folwell, a ruling that North Carolina state health plan’s categorical exclusion of gender-affirming care was unconstitutional, Anderson v. Crouch, which similarly ruled West Virginia’s exclusions were unconstitutional, and Fowler v. Stitt, a decision in the 10th Circuit which ruled that transgender people could correct their birth certificates in Oklahoma. Immediately following the remands, the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals reopened D.P. v. Mukwonago, a decision that allowed a transgender girl to continue using a girls bathroom in Wisconsin.” What happens in these remanded cases could have more wide-reaching, harmful effects on trans youth in the immediate future.

Teachers face new burdens after Supreme Court LGBTQ+ opt-out ruling. As of the Supreme Court’s June 27 ruling that parents could opt their children out of lessons that include discussions of LGBTQ life on religious grounds, teacher advocates are concerned about the way this might change the dynamics of their classrooms and their ability to provide important lessons to their students.

Trans teacher can be made to keep pronouns quiet, 11th Circuit says. In more disappointing education-related news out of my home state of Florida, a trans teacher who has been fighting the courts to protect her ability to use her appropriate pronouns and honorifics in her classroom is not protected under the First Amendment and cannot challenge state law that says people must be referred to by the titles that “correspond with his or her sex.” This is something that hasn’t been widely reported on and it feels like we should be yelling loudly about it.

From the international news desk: Over 100 trans inmates presumed dead after an Israeli airstrike “flattened” an Iranian prison. Everything I want to say about this is filled with expletives we can’t really publish here. Alongside the Zionist government’s genocide of Palestinian people and their other crimes against humanity, this feels like yet another unshakeably devastating blow that is difficult to comprehend fully.


Last Bits

As companies stop sponsoring Pride, this NYC brewery is giving money directly to trans people. Brooklyn Brewery “decided to forgo its paid advertisements for Pride and instead use the money to provide direct financial assistance to transgender, nonbinary, and two-spirit New Yorkers. The Brooklyn Brewery Supports fund will distribute $25,000 in direct support to 25 individuals — $1,000 each, no strings attached — to help cover basic needs.” Some direct aid to trans people from a corporation? Seems almost unreal.

Wimbledon champion Billie Jean King urges people to ‘listen’ to trans athletes. Lots of reasons to love Billie in general, but here’s another one. And another good example of what people with big platforms should be doing: speaking up for trans people!

These two Black transgender women are ‘shining beacons’ leading Chicago through anti-trans backlash. This is such a wonderful profile of two people doing imperative work in their community without worrying themselves about what their major representatives are doing or not doing. They’re just putting in the work for the other trans people in their community, as we all should.

From across the pond: Award-winning CBBC trans series gets free UK re-release – here’s how to watch it. The ground-breaking children’s drama series, First Day, which follows a 12-year-old trans as she navigates her first year of middle school, is now available for free on UK YouTube in response to the British government’s attacks on trans women and youth.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!

Stef Rubino

Stef Rubino is a writer, community organizer, competitive powerlifter, and former educator from Ft. Lauderdale, FL. They're currently working on book of essays and preparing for their next powerlifting meet. They’re the fat half of the arts and culture podcast Fat Guy, Jacked Guy, and you can read some of their other writing in Change Wire and in Catapult. You can also find them on Twitter (unfortunately).

Stef has written 153 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. im crying, i’m fuming, i’m numb, i’m hugging my loved ones, and Stef i started working with a personal trainer for STRENGTH TRAINING and i thought about you!! your articles inspire and inform me, mahalo nui thank you very much.

  2. God damn it’s wild to hear from countries where I’d be a hot-button political issue. I’m not even on the government’s radar here in South Africa.

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No One’s Doing it Quite Like the Dykes in Orlando Are Doing It

This is The Parlour, a place for intimate conversation, a real-time archive, a shared diary passed between a rotating cast of queer characters every week in an attempt to capture a kaleidoscopic view of what it’s like to be a queer person right here, right now.


I spent last month living in Portland, Oregon for a writing residency. I have a lot of friends, most of them writers, in Portland, a city I’ve never lived in but visit often. Among its many selling points is the fact that the city experiences its best weather when back home, in Orlando, we’re stuck in our worst. Every time I visited Portland in the past, I met friends of friends who then became my friends. It’s a small city with a big arts and culture scene. This last Portland trip, my longest, people kept saying things along the lines of I wish you lived here.

I kept responding: me too.

It was a fanciful fantasy wish, not in any way real or concrete. For many reasons, Orlando is my home for the foreseeable future. And I love Orlando. I love my life there. I love my wife, who is bound to her hometown in a way I often envy. She has a solid sense of home I’ve never had. I feel lucky that Orlando gets to be my home now. But it’s a simple fact my social life is technically more robust in Portland, a city three thousand miles from where I live. Many of the friends I have there are ones I made on my own rather than through my wife. I know I could do this in Orlando, too, but, and I’m sorry to sound like This: I don’t need more friends. I have plenty. They’re just so far away.

This has always been true for me. Long distance friendships have been a staple of my life since I joined tumblr in my mid-teens. Thanks to over a decade of internet friendships, I can visit most major cities in the U.S. and know someone I can text to meet up for coffee or drinks, someone to crash or catch up with. It’s a beautiful thing, to have so many people in so many places. It has made up for the fact that I’ve never had a strong attachment to any one place as Home. If I lived in Portland, I’d live ever farther away from a lot of my best friends — who are mostly in NYC, Philadelphia, and Chicago — than I already do down in Florida. I would maybe gain something, but I would also lose a lot. It’s not that I wish I lived in Portland; I just wish I could pop over whenever I wanted. Or carry the people who live there around with me. Distance is difficult in any kind of relationship. I’m lucky, at least, to have reasons to keep returning to the pacific northwest.

My time in Portland also came with a healthy dose of FOMO for my life back in Orlando, not just because I missed my wife and my very vocal cat Timmy Tomato, but because the dyke social scene has been truly popping off back home in a way that reminds me why I love the city I currently live in so steadfastly. Queer events were happening in Portland just about every night of the week when I was there (it was June, after all, though PDX celebrates Pride locally in July). But it’s not…the same. Doing gay shit in Orlando hits different.

In Orlando, there are no official dyke bars, but that hasn’t stopped the local lesbians from providing year-round nightlife and social options throughout the city. And the scene is only getting bigger. We’ve got Les Vixens, a sapphic burlesque group with a standing residency at Orlando’s long-running dyke night every Saturday at LGBTQ+ bar Southern Nights. The Vixens are also a large part of the Sapphic Saddles edition of BOOTS, a temporary but wildly popular country-themed dance and party night running all summer. Dyke Nite Orlando — an offshoot of other Dyke Nite collectives around Florida — is an incredible new DIY group organizing events from chill lesbian movie nights to themed dance parties to higher concept events, like a strip spelling bee my wife and I attended shortly before I left town for a month.

When I was away, I looked on longingly as Dyke Nite sold out a special midnight screening of 1971’s Vampyros Lesbos at our incredible single-screen arthouse movie theater Enzian. I also missed out on a gay pool competition where lesbians took over a billiards bar in town that’s usually brimming with heterosexuals on awkward first dates. It was organized by yet another grassroots events collective that has popped up in town. Lesbian billiards night will be back in August, and you better believe I’ll be there.

I also recently wrote a story about my big gay Florida wedding for a new RISO-printed monthly local paper called The Sapphic Sun, operated out of St. Pete but with lots of involvement from folks throughout the greater central Florida area. I don’t really write for places for free anymore at this point in my career, but I didn’t hesitate to do so for this scrappy but beautifully made publication. I can tell you right now: I wouldn’t do that in Portland. I wouldn’t do it in New York or Chicago or Los Angeles or any of the other places I’ve lived. I’d only do it in Florida. Do it for Florida. Because being a part of queer scenes and organizations down here just does feel different.

Connecting and dancing and partying and playing and talking and watching movies with other queer and trans people in a place so often at the center of the current culture wars, in a place used as the testing grounds for anti-LGBTQ+ legislation to spread throughout the country, it does feel like a call toward something more than just sweaty, silly fun.

Florida is in the national news for awful reasons once again and rightfully so. Alligator Alcatraz is one of the worst nightmares to come to life in our country’s fascist hellscape I can imagine. And still, there are people who seem to believe the majority of Floridians wanted this, that it is somehow Florida’s fault. Alligator Alcatraz will overwhelmingly harm Floridians and the natural lands of Florida. The immigrants and citizens who have made a home here will suffer. It is Floridians — many queer, Indigenous, and Black and brown — showing up at the site of Alligator Alcatraz trying to stop it. Share their photos, not the ones of people posing with the prison’s sign like it’s a tourist destination. Alligator Alcatraz will bring death and destruction and terror to the Everglades, a place typically teeming with life and beautiful biodiversity. I understand why people — especially queer and trans people — are leaving. I understand why people like my wife want so desperately to stay, to fight.

There are horrors here, the way there are in this whole graveyard of a country. But I’ve never been part of a queer community more alive, more loud, more willing to take over spaces that were not designed to include us.

I called it FOMO a few paragraphs back, but I think what I mean is, for one of the first times in my life, I was homesick.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1057 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. ok i canNOT be reading this article and getting homesick for florida!!! i grew up in Port A John, Floreeda, aka Port St John, and now live in PDX & wow, SO TRUE it does not hit here the way it hits elsewhere.

  2. This is just wonderful.

    I think that my sympatico for Florida started with the episodic story of D.R. Davenport in The Last Whole Earth Catalog. Florida is, in the gently simmering gumbo of my memories, a mythic destination.

    Not the snowbird destination of my friends and neighbours but something much richer and also elusive.

    But still beyond that, it’s the description of the connection you describe between yourself and others, and others and others, that just growls like deep thunder. What we’re capable of sometimes, an almost mycellic? connection between us, through the land we’re living on. Ugh I’m not high enough to express this.

    You and Stef both manifest this fantastic visceral connection to Florida, queer for sure but organically so ? It’s so awesome.

    • wow this is such a beautiful comment, i love it so much. “growls like deep thunder” resonates sooooo much. even the way Stef and I came into each other’s lives really speaks to the organic queerness of Florida i think

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