Lost Girl Episode 402: This Not So Amazing Race
This episode is all over the place, but Betty from Bomb Girls tries to cop a feel. So there’s that.
Couples Therapy 403: Actual Human Garbage
This week on the show that no one besides me and Stef are talking about, it must be lunchtime at this shoddily constructed preschool of a mansion, because everyone’s throwing tantrums and Farrah’s fibbing to the class. James Deen was not your boyfriend, sweetheart.
American Horror Story 311 Recap: Protect the Coven
“She’s hoping to find out who killed Nan, which is a waste of spell if you ask me. There are like, four other people in the house with you, girl. One of them is crying and the other is playing a theremin. Do the math!”
Pretty Little Liars Episode 415 Recap: Love Shackin’ Up
In which Emily spends some quality time in bed with Alison and we return to Aria’s love shack only to discover shocking news about Hanna’s past hookups.
“The Fosters” Episode 111 Recap: Where In The World Is Callie Sandiego?
Relationships are no picnic… but wait! Maybe they are!
Couples Therapy 402: Grand Central Meltdown Station
This week on a show that makes my own therapist worried about me, Ghost is little more than a thin membrane of double standards, Farrah and orders her dessert before her drinks, and Whitney and Sara float blankly in the corner until they talk about hitting each other because they are “passionate”.
Lost Girl Episode 401 Recap: Everything’s Coming Up Kenzi
Bo is indeed lost for this entire episode, but Kenzi, Jenny Schecter and George Takei pick up the slack.
Star Trek N00b, Episode 6: The Enemy Within (Poor Frozen Sulu)
In this episode Sulu freezes his ass off while Kirk gets emotional, drinks, and performs experiments on Unicorn Puppies.
American Horror Story 310 Recap: The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks
Welcome to the tenth episode of American Horror Story, the show that got Stevie Fucking Nicks to appear in a move that was clearly a work of powerful magic!
#AutoAri: Everything Else That Happened on The Real World Was Insignificant
“As per Jenny’s confession about not having had sex in a bear suit, where do you stand on having sex in animal-themed onesies?”
Pretty Little Liars Recap 414: Who’s Inside That Girl’s Box?
The winter premiere of Pretty Little Liars is finally here and we’re going to get to say the word “box” a lot.
Couples Therapy 401: A Veritable Goldmine of Beautiful Garbage
A show about “celebrities” with “relationship problems” being solved by a “professional” team of therapists. Quotation marks intentional.
Once Upon A Time 311: Compulsive Heterosexuality and Queer Temporality
What do you do when your harddrive’s overcome with cheap Disney porn? You reboot that shit! And in the meantime, let’s throw every emotion possible at our characters and audience. Emotions you didn’t know you still had in your little gay body!
Star Trek N00b, Episode 2: The Man Trap (Oh My!)
“Okay, I had a fangirl moment once George Takei appeared on screen.”
American Horror Story 309 Recap: The Yankee Eyeball Swap
Is this show ridiculous? Of course! Am I at all interested in watching TV shows that DON’T feature a talking severed head of Kathy Bates? NOPE NOPE NOPASAURUS REX!
Once Upon A Time 310: This Doesn’t Even Make Sense Anymore
There is a scene in this episode involving Snow and Charming taking on a Medusa that looks like she’s straight out of a Sega Genesis game, and it is ridiculous. I can’t even describe to you the completely ludicrous nature of this scene, I really can’t.
Star Trek N00b, Episode 1: The Cage (of Forced Heterosexuality)
“The Talosians realize that Pike isn’t sold, and try to seduce him with a bizarre harem illusion with Vina as a green exotic dancer. Dayum, Pike. You’ve got some weird fantasies.”
American Horror Story Episode 308 Recap: The Sacred Faking
“Apparently the witches’ journey to New Orleans was just like the Oregon Trail, only with less fiber and more smelly vaginas! This fucking show, you guys. This. Fucking. Show.”
Glee Episode 508 Recap: Previously Unaired Christmas Gets A Little Too Much Air
What drug were the Glee writers on while designing this year’s Christmas special? That question and more will not be answered in this week’s recap!
Once Upon A Time Recap Episode 309: Gay-Ass Mommy Issues
At this point, we’ll be lucky if we make it out of the season without a reveal that Pongo is the father of Rapunzel who is married to Smee who is secretly the child of Flounder who is actually the son of one of the scary trees from Snow White.