‘I Kissed A Girl’ S2 Episodes 7 & 8 Recap: Kiss-Off Carnage!

We’re recapping all the drama in I Kissed a Girl season two. Revisit our recaps of episodes 1-4 and episodes 5+6.

I Kissed a Girl Season 2, Episode 7 Recap

We get right back into the middle of a dilemma for the masseria’s only functional couple: Elisha and Elise. Unusually, this time the drama is not self-inflicted but triggered by Dannii awarding them the unenviable prize of picking who will be next to leave! Unlike the first season where a whole couple was ditched, they have to select just one person, meaning a guaranteed breakup.

While Elisha claims that she’s shitting herself over making the decision, she’s pretty logical about their approach, and swiftly they home in on Renee and Ashlea’s bromance as their target. Elise boldly states they aren’t in there to find friendship, but to find love. The evidence so far shows that a four-year forensics degree is required to detect love in this place, but this is glossed over.

Seeing as Ashlea had seven minutes in heaven with Sophie already, they plump for Renee as the unlucky loser. Renee is remarkably sanguine about it all, and you sense she knew her time was up. She loves everyone forever and ever but is happy to say goodbye to the messy massy.

After a cuppa to digest the drama, we’re back at unravelling the remaining couples, which means yet another round with Ebony and Imogen’s situationship, which has always been less “will they/won’t they” and more “won’t they just please stop now.”

Imogen says she’s over it (again). She’s feeling like a mug with how Ebony may be physically by her side, but her eyes are forever wandering to Kayleigh. Ebony says she’s gonna regret it if she doesn’t do some wild oat sewing, and Imogen knows, which is why she’s going to set her free and this time she’s not going to sit around and wait for her to come back.

Josie’s on the hunt for her first decent connection in the masseria. Devoid of a magnifying glass, she elects to sit down with Almayra so they can get to know each other more. Stunningly, the pair start bonding over a shared love of writing poetry, marking the first time in a fortnight of this gang being together that two people actually have a shared interest! Honestly, I feel like Almayra’s poetry has been hanging there like Chekhov’s gun since she was first introduced, and now Josie’s taken it to shoot her load. She may have missed the mark though, because while she loves nothing more than to pen a verse after sex, we know that Almayra is well into her celibacy era. Will this budding coming together of minds be enough to make Almayra turn from Kayleigh?

Speaking of which, Ebony finally approaches Kayleigh with the irresistible offer to take her up the terrace (not a euphemism). Kayleigh gets straight to the point, and speaks for the nation, when she says she’s not here for another go around with Ebony and Imogen’s drama. How can she trust that they won’t get back together again in two minutes?

Poor Ebony asks if it’s wrong to like two people, a question that has been answered in the real world, but is strictly verboten in this masseria of monogamy. She ends up crying on Kayleigh’s shoulder, pinkies locked, realising that she’s messed up with both the girls she liked. Sob!

Our other new girl Sophie is having a nice time and seems to click with Ash and is enjoying snagging her for research purposes. Still, she’s a bit let down that she can’t get closer to Pippa. That’s because Pippa and Nikita are joined at the hip suddenly. I like that Nikita is finally getting closer with someone, but she’s still holding back. She thinks she’s scared because it means she like them, which is a refreshing change from being scared because someone else has snogged her alleged match right in front of her.

Almayra opens up to Kayleigh about how she doesn’t want to be intimate with people that may be temporary in her life, and before we can question her decision to come on a show with that situation as its entire premise, the nation is treated to a PSA about the ace/demi spectrum! Kayleigh admits that sex is a big part of her life, but she still wants to get to know Almayra better and respects that she’s happy how she is.

We continue the after-school special vibes with a group conversation about women in sport, starting with Blessing talking about being the only girl in the boys’ football club. She opens up about how hard it was being a young Black girl in Ireland, never mind being queer and masc presenting too. Kicking a ball always made her feel better.

Josie chimes in with her experiences in rugby, where they don’t care to understand women’s bodies or needs, which discourages participation. Ultimately, that stops people connecting with the communities that can give them so much. As Lindsey succinctly puts it, it’s hard to exist as a woman in a world made for men

I think these tales will be familiar to many viewers (especially if, like me, you have read an unnatural number of queer women’s footballer autobiographies), but it’s not often we see them talked about by real people on TV, and I appreciate this introspective interlude!

Ebony just won’t quit, and after some egging on from Lindsey and Elise, she’s making one more move on Kayleigh. They have quite a sweet conversation actually, with Ebony appreciating Kayleigh consoling her and letting her sensitive side come out. And then Ebony’s back talking about vibes and kissing and endorphins, and I sense the only vibes Ebony will be left with after this will be battery powered.

Lulled by a day’s lolling in the sun, the gang are shocked to discover it’s time already for another kiss off!

Let’s get the no-brainers out of the way first. Lindsey and Blessing turn for each other, with no funny business this time. Pippa and Nikita are also in sync, perhaps down to Pippa seemingly claiming all the love languages. You can see Elisa and Elisha just itching to get this bit over with so they can get back to amping up their power couple status.

Time for some real action with Ebony and Imogen. For the first time this season, I am feeling a modicum of uncertainty. After all their tribulations, will they give each other another chance, or worse — could one of them be willing while the other gives the cold shoulder?

Neither of them turn! It’s obvious that Imogen will send herself home; she’s stuck firmly to her boundaries, she’s checked out of the Ebony situation and it’s time to check out of the masseria. She is happy to be staying true to herself and her great tits.

Ebony admits she could have done things differently…like going after Kayleigh sooner. Imogen rightly points out that Ebony wanted to have her cake and eat it, but honestly, these girls and enbies need to realise that when you genuinely like someone, it just isn’t that complicated.

So what will Ebony do? We have to wait a whole two seconds until…

I Kissed a Girl Season 2, Episode 8 Recap

Ebony surprises us all by deciding to keep her kisses for herself too!  She’s been with Imogen since the start, she’s tested the waters with Kayleigh, but ultimately, none of it is enough. I’ll give her some credit for realising she’s kind of messed things up, and then a massive credit increase for not putting us through more drama for the final few episodes.

All this, and we’re not even halfway through the kiss off!

Next up is Ashlea, who is flying solo now and reveals she wants to keep on kissing Sophie, despite not being 100% sure Sophie’s on the same page, which we’ll find out later.

Josie and Sophie are called into action. Josie wants to kiss Almayra, she knows it’s a risk but she wants to get inside her brain and maybe pants.

Up steps Almayra with Kayleigh. Both of them have flirted a bit with others, so this could get a bit awkward. They turn and stick with each other though, which means poor Josie is off home already. She laments that she is leaving I Kissed a Girl without getting to kiss anyone at all!! Surely she is entitled to a refund? I’m a bit disappointed, this is a huge blow to the butch rugby-playing poetry community, but also she seems really nice?!

Finally, Sophie must decide if she feels enough for Ash to pursue romance. She finds her hilarious, but she doesn’t think the butterflies are there. She opts to go home, which means she’s effectively punting Ash out of the masseria too. I’m sure if these two had hooked up at the start it would be different, but it’s getting too late in the season to take bellows to dimming embers.

That’s FIVE whole sapphics who will be slinging their hook after this momentous kiss off, over a third of the cast depleted in one night. Just four couples remain now, and Dannii tells them that the next kiss off will be the final one, in front of friends and family. Is it possible to turn vibes and energy into relationship foundations in approx 48 hours?!

The next day, everyone’s pretty shaken. Mostly by the pure carnage of the night before, but also it’s starting to dawn on them that reality is going to hit soon, with familial visits imminent. There’s a lot of talk of what life might be like on the “outside” and I’m starting to see a lot of parallels between this show and women’s prison dramas.

Each couple needs to work out whether things will work IRL, mulling over practicalities like long-distances, differences in lifestyles, and whether being in a relationship means they will lose the freedom to flirt with whoever the fuck they like.

Almayra provides this episode’s teachable moment, talking about the intersection of being a lesbian and Muslim, and how that feeds into her feelings on abstinence. It comes down to sharing herself with not just anybody, and she radiates confidence talking about it. Kayleigh is grateful that Almayra is her person in the masseria, but are they too different to make it work?

Maybe we can find out in the final chemistry test! The swansong from the props department is delivered: a bright pink wishing well filled with the hopes and dreams from the gang’s families and friends, describing what they think would make a good partner for their loved one and — more interestingly — what wouldn’t!  This is basically remote shade-casting, and it works a treat for stirring up shit with our couples.

Kayleigh’s mum Big Trish wants her to find a free spirit. Is that what Almayra is? I don’t really care, because now all I’m thinking about is getting to meet Big Trish on next week’s episode. Almayra has a twin, who tells her not to go for a party girl. Oops!

Lindsey’s sister Serena tells her to get a smart diva who’s a good listener and likes Beyoncé. Blessing gets full marks there, but sadly Serena also lists what sounds like every single start sign as being an incompatible match, so Blessing is back in the doghouse. On the other hand, Blessing’s mum says not to be with anyone that’s an attention seeker, and she needs someone she can trust, which sets Blessing off blubbing in despair.

At this point, I’m thinking they need to change the format of the show so that in the first episode they all snog as per usual, then they read out the family messages, then they all give up and go home.

Still two couples to go: Nikita’s mum says don’t be with someone stubborn. Pippa coolly says she’s never stubborn, then immediately reads out a missive from their best mate saying they need someone that really loves them because they are so stubborn. Pippa swiftly rebrands this as being “independent” and them and Nikita are back making googly eyes at each other.

Finally, Elise’s mum and Elisha’s cousin both agree they need funny partners, so all good there. The bad news is that Elise’s mum is petrified of her moving away, while Elisha’s cousin says that long-distance relationships are a no-no.

Frankly, at this point I’ll be astonished if Elise doesn’t propose before the series ends so I don’t think anything will be a serious obstacle for them.

Because I am clearly a clairvoyant, Elise and Elisha are sent off for a little painting date, and sure enough Elise uses the medium of fine art to propose to Elisha. Although apparently this is just a girlfriend proposal, because god forbid anyone on this show communicates normal things via traditional methods. A rainbow appears from nowhere to provide a gay blessing for this union and it is now clear that this couple has stolen all the chemistry, biology and also physics, which is why everyone else has been suffering.

From this wholesome activity, we cut to a BDSM-themed party. Elisha has Elise on a leash, which I don’t recommend trying to say five times out loud. Everyone looks very squeaky in their PVC and boob tape, and I do a really good job of not acknowledging I am literally twice the age of the youngest people on here.

When everyone’s tired of gyrating for the camera, they flop onto the sofas for a final shady game for some fun digs about who is a terrible communicator or lacking sexual energy. So, we’re well set up to showcase how solid our couples are in front of their nearest and dearest.

Next time: final episode!!