‘I Kissed A Girl’ S2 Episodes 5 & 6 Recap: Personal Growth and Ex-tra Tension

Last time on I Kissed a Girl season 2, we encountered:

• 5 terribly matched starting couples
• 4 newcomers that genuinely shook things up
• 3 pointless chemistry tests
• 2 giant slanging matches
• 1 recapper who greatly regretted watching four episodes of reality TV back-to-back

I suppose I should also say we had one kiss-off where we lost the lovely, forsaken Faye, but I thought it was important to have a PSA in that too much reality TV — even if it’s full of queer women snogging — is not great for your overall level of coherence.

This week we have two more episodes on iPlayer!

I Kissed a Girl Season 2, Episode 5 Recap

We’re approaching the midpoint of the show now and starting to see which of our couples are cleaving to each other because of real feelings (Elise and Elisha), or because a lack of better options (everybody else).

Perhaps in your life you have encountered a friend that always has to be in a relationship, no matter how duff it is. Because this show is of the ilk where singledom = ejection, we have the treat of witnessing this totally healthy pattern acted out on TV by a dozen women and non-binary people! Let us be heartened that there’s no room for microplastics or PFAs in the veins of our plucky young sapphics, for their blood is already filled with emotional toxicity.

We pick up the morning after Pippa’s arrival. Pippa is intent on doing “their thing” which we will collectively recall is “being a slaggy Golden Retriever.” I’ll be disappointed if we don’t get to see leg humping on the Terrace of Treachery soon.

Feeling the aftermath most keenly are Imogen and Ebony. Imogen, despite her best efforts at jealousy-baiting with Pippa, declares that Ebony is still her priority with all the passion of an automated customer service line assuring you that your problem is important to them. Down at the Secret Garden, they put their feet up on the Feelings Stump to rehash all their issues, and through the mist of hangover agree that it’s time to call it quits.

This doesn’t stop Imogen trying to get Ebony’s attention all the time, but she’s had enough! It’s time for Devil Ebony to come out and play! This just amounts to her finally chatting with Kayleigh who, to her credit, hasn’t noticed Ebony’s crush at all. Ebony puts on her best game face but I’m not rating her skills, which amount to vague statements about energy and vibes. Kayleigh gamely mugs to the camera about being intrigued, but she has plenty of other folks knocking on her door.

In a moment of stunning personal growth, Imogen starts to realise that maybe her controlling antics have actually been making the situation worse with Ebony. She admits to Ebony that she’s been missing her, and likes her more than perhaps she has let on. She also brings up fears around rejection and it’s all starting to sound suspiciously like a mature conversation. Could they be u-turning their previous u-turn?

Kayleigh, for her part, is entangled in a bit of a quadrangle. She and Almayra confide in each other that their matches are a bit on the soggy side, but the spark is there between Kayleigh and Almayra! The latter of which is meant to be giving it a go with Nikita, but it doesn’t stop her making a move on Kayleigh’s tonsils.

Tyra and Nikita are coming to their own conclusions about things fizzling out with their designated partners. These four are definitely on the drama-averse end of the spectrum, because before we know it, they’ve had a series of semi-adult conversations where they all admit they’re not feeling it and have gone their separate ways. However, the path to true love looks a bit murky for Nikita and Tyra, who will need to scope out a new match pronto!

We haven’t talked about Flavia the housekeeper yet, whose primary function is to appear and receive adulation from the cast then deliver a message from Dannii. Today’s missive is for Pippa, who is the beneficiary of a hot tub date with the person of their choice. We hear the cogs crunching in their head as they calculate who will cause maximum mess, and sure enough they opt for the only happily coupled-up femme, Elisha!

Elisha approaches the situation with the dour dutifulness of a soldier going off to war, while Elise looks like she’s going to be sick, starts crying and spirals about her trust issues.

Up on the roof, we get to know more about Pippa. Finally, we’re getting a teachable moment about identity, the kind of which I feel we had a ton of in the first season and have been sorely lacking this time around. Pippa talks about their gender journey: feeling like a boy as a kid, then discovering the term non-binary and having that lightbulb moment when things made sense for them. They don’t know if they’re in their final form yet, but they feel proud about how sure they feel in themself.

Elisha says it’s attractive and empowering when someone has got such a good handle on their identity, which Pippa takes as the best form of compliment. These two appear to have a decent level of respect for each other, but zero spark, so we have at least one couple remaining intact!

Back on ground level, Pippa takes the opportunity to hit up the newly single Nikita and Tyra. There’s clear chemistry with the flirt bomb that is Nikita so maybe it will be third time lucky for her? With Tyra though, I’m not sure if there’s anything really there, and I’m worried for her!

Perhaps a little too quickly, we have our next kiss off. With all the scrambling and re-coupling there’s a bit more up in the air this time, but they have at least 15 minutes of Dannii slow-mo walking to the front of the masseria to sort their lives out.

First up: Imogen and Ebony. After their mini tribulations, they decide to stick it out with each other, and they turn and kiss!

Renee and Ashlea, who got practically zero screen-time, quickly turn and go hard on the songs as evidence they’re still working hard to break through from friends to something more.

No drama from Elise and Elisha, who turn as expected, but Lindsey pulls a fast one on Blessing by pretending not to turn, to make up for them getting little attention in this episode.

Then we get to our newly broken-uppers: Kayleigh and Tyra, Almayra and Nikita. No-one turns, and Kayleigh and Almayra happily couple up. Nikita is saving her kiss for Pippa (who thankfully reciprocates), before Tyra blows everyone’s mind by deciding to save her kisses for herself! It’s the ultimate flex of self-respect and she’s feeling good about it. She’s learnt a lot about herself — mainly that she doesn’t want to sacrifice her own wants for someone else. Thank you Tyra, but your wifey is in another masseria!

I think this is my fave episode so far, because my secondary love language is above-zero emotional intelligence.

But we’re not done yet!! After a relatively drama-light episode, there’s just enough time to punt a tiny spanner into the works: Two shadowy figures appear on the masseria balcony, and Elise immediately clocks that she knows one of them…very well!!!

I Kissed a Girl Season 2, Episode 6 Recap

We open with a look of terror on Elise’s face, before we get introduced to our two newbies.

Josie is 23 from Liverpool and is a rugby lesbian! Glad we’re finally addressing the deficiency of this dyke staple. She tends to intimidate people and takes no bullshit, so I’m expecting cauliflower ears all round.

Sophie from Manchester is 27 and bi, ready to get with women after a history of long-term relationships with men. She seems well-adjusted which either means she will be like a flame to the horny masseria moths or will need to go scream in a corner at everyone’s immaturity.

Josie and Elise say an awkward hello to each other and reveal they have previously been “romantic” not that long ago. Based on the looks of surprise all round, I think this is not pre-planned and just the inevitability of fishing in the tiny pond of sapphic singles. We already had a few folks know each other non-romantically outside the show, and finding real exes was bound to happen at some point, right?

Elisha has a mini-meltdown when Elisa clarifies, yep, they slept together! I feel like the show misses the opportunity to educate straight people accidentally stumbling on this show about stereotypes of lesbians and their exes. Instead, they play up Elisha’s panic for for as long as they can, which is about ninety seconds, but spread over the course of the episode to string us along a bit.

Fortunately, while Josie claimed she was going to go in hard with the flirt, she and Sophie quickly realise there’s a lot of people that are locked off in their established couples and they don’t really want to go there. For Josie, that includes Elise, so we quickly avert potential ex drama. Josie seems really sound to me; as well as taking no bullshit, perhaps she doesn’t give it either, which is highly refreshing and undoubtedly has the producers gnashing their teeth in frustration.

Josie and Sophie agree that they both like the look of Pippa and Ashlea, and soon the foursome are secluded in the Secret Garden for a session of mutual admiration. They are relaxed and jokey and I’m starting to wonder if we might finally see some genuine sparks, whilst also hesitating because watching this show is giving me trust issues with the concept of human connection.

Sophie laments her exhaustion with all the boxes people put themselves in: femme, stem, black cat, golden retriever (slaggy or otherwise). Honestly, same. I feel like back in my day, the major matching criteria were “makes you laugh; has pulse” but those were simpler times.

The next morning, Nikita can see Pippa’s attention has been caught by the new girls. She looks spent at the prospect of getting caught up in another triangle. I can only prescribe a course of power naps and caffeine, because Pippa is hitting big time on Josie and Sophie. I’m not hating Sophie and Pippa together. They seem flirty and comfortable! We have another teachable moment with Sophie talking about coming out “later in life” aka her mid-twenties.

Before we get going with the evening’s antics, we finally check in with Blessing and Lindsey. Blessing is super confused because Lindsay is talking about feeling in sync and secure with their connection now, but blatantly hasn’t been doing anything to show that. This feels a bit shoehorned in, which means it is definitely foreshadowing something!

Tonight’s game isn’t billed as a chemistry test, but is more a game of drunken dare where the cast takes turns rolling a die to spur on some kind of drama-including activity. This includes: Sophie plonking herself on Pippa’s lap for a snog while Nikita sits there, a wide-eyed cuckold. Poor Nikita! This is bringing back strong memories of Faye’s cruel treatment.

Unsatisfied with those antics, the baying mob sends Sophie into the bedroom for yet more snogs, this time with Ashlea! If Renee wasn’t happy with that, she is even less happy when Lindsey appears from nowhere and demonstrates why she first introduced herself as a dom femme, absolutely riding Ashlea in front of half the masseria, including a devastated Blessing. Where did that come from?!

We are spending so much time in the Secret Garden this week; now it’s the turn of Ashlea and Renee to agree that their masc4masc experiment has been a resounding failure, so why not go back to being besties? I think this is the right outcome, but it might mean the writing is on the wall for Renee.

Time for a party! The gang has to dress up as a queer icon, and I am stunned that I have actually heard of all their picks. The clear winner is Elise as Sally Ride in full astronaut getup, with a special mention for Blessing’s James Baldwin, which I expect was appreciated by approx 0% of the household.

After a short interlude where they must dance in a very small circle so they all fit in shot, everyone is gathered together for an impromptu awards ceremony. After a few fun categories to pick the funny one of the group (Elise) and the most dedicated to drama (Imogen), it’s all revealed to be a ruse, because Elise and Elisha end up having to pick who will make the most iconic exit — i.e. someone must leave the masseria immediately!

Alas, we must wait until next time to find out who they plump for, so let us reconvene next week, when we can also perhaps workshop some theories as to why most of these people have zero lasting chemistry!!