I had my concerns heading into the sixteenth season of Real Housewives of New York. Yes, the show was bringing back one of my favorite cast members from the original run of the series—Carole Radziwill—likely due to her renewed relevance as a result of FX’s Love Story. But prior queer cast members had been axed. There would be no more Jenna Lyons (and her perfect wardrobe), no more Racquel Chevremont (and therefore, devastatingly, no more Hot Mel, as I’d dubbed her extremely hot partner). RHONY was losing the thing that made the reboot somewhat interesting to me as a dyke who used to live in NYC during a formative period of my life (the lesbians). But my concerns were for naught. Because while two queer women’s apples may have been taken away, a new queer Housewife has risen. Enter: Hailey Glassman.
Hailey’s entrance into the series is a gorgeous queer spectacle in and of itself. She glides along the streets of Manhattan wearing a floor-length fur coat and a fur hat—on rollerblades. Shortly thereafter, we learn of her various sexcapades and dates with women, and it becomes immediately clear she isn’t talking about her distant past or an isolate period of time. She is talking about right now. Oh how my Bravo Dyke ears perked.
Hailey has a husband, Rubin, who does not appear on the show at all and whose relationship with the Housewife she describes as a “lavender marriage.” It’s unclear if she’s using that term correctly, which would suggest Rubin is queer, too, but my guess is she is not using it correctly, based on what I’ve seen from her so far. But in the third episode of the season, she does get into what her marriage provides for her in terms of safety and security. Meanwhile, she’s allowed to date and sleep with anyone she wants—but women only.
Hailey is already an extremely fun Housewife. For those well versed in RHONY lore: She’s kind of like if Sonja Morgan were actually gay (instead of merely saying gay things all the time, as Sonja Morgan was known to do) and also a stoner. She has zero filter, is high in most of her scenes, and talks very openly about sex with women.
That last part makes her a little distinct from other queer Housewives through the years, who are a little more guarded when it comes to actually discussing sex with the other women. That guardedness comes from an understandable place. We’ve seen on both the rebooted RHONY and the rebooted Real Housewives of Miami how the straight Housewives sometimes immediately associate queerness with kinkiness and salaciousness. Their questions for their queer castmates rarely stem from genuine curiosity and often amount to ogling or voyeurism.
Hailey doesn’t give a fuck what other people think of her, likely influenced by the fact that she was the subject of tabloid gossip in her early twenties, when she was in a relationship with Jon Gosselin (yes, of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame). After years of being painted as someone who she was not in the press, she’s now completely unafraid and unapologetic about being exactly who she is. In one of her very first scenes, she tells a story about having sex with a woman whose giant boobs broke her nose. Finally, Bravo is serving up exactly what I want to consume.
It will be interesting to see how Hailey fares this season, because it always seems difficult to be the only queer woman in a cast, especially due to the aforementioned strange fetishization these types of straight women like to engage in (genuinely, in some cases, I think there’s some internalized homophobia going on there for some of these ladies). There are a couple other new additions to the cast, including Martha Stewart’s makeup artist and friend…making Martha Stewart a de facto Friend Of for season 16?! But if any of these new women are bisexual, it hasn’t come up. For now, we just have Hailey. But boy is she putting in the work! She brings a woman as a date to Jessel’s Lunar New Year party and then later discloses the ensuing dyke drama she had with this woman after the party. Now this is fun! We’ve had queer Housewives in the past, but they were all pretty seriously and monogamously partnered. To watch a Housewife in the throes of sapphic dating drama is a whole new treat.
In the third episode of this season, Erin Lichy proves my point about why queer Housewives are likely hesitant to share details of their sex lives when she’s quick to throw Hailey’s broken nose sex story back at her as a dig. Sai shares with Erin that Hailey and some of the other girls were calling her “boring” and “vanilla” (the words Hailey actually used were not “vanilla” but rather “strawberry jam”…as in the strawberry jam on the tables at diners that you don’t really think about at all but are just…there…this is so exacting, brutal, and original as an insult that I think it was actually kind of Sai to change it to vanilla). Erin’s immediate response: “Vanilla? Why? Because I don’t get my nose broken by a dildo?” Erin, her nose was broken by a titty not a dildo; Hailey merely mentioned they’d been having sex with a dildo. Between this weird comeback that is not a comeback at all and the fact that Erin was going around Jessel’s party sharing Hailey’s sex story with a giggle like it was her own to share, it’s clear Erin is just another straight woman who finds the sex lives of queer women entertaining and perverse. I swear these shows make me so glad I don’t really have straight friends.
Not only is Hailey a queer stoner, but more relevant to my personal interests: She is a queer tennis player. She has played since childhood and was the captain of her high school tennis team. She even got a scholarship to play in college…but then was kicked off the team when busted for weed. We haven’t had a chance to see her play tennis on the show just yet, but we did watch her kick Jessel’s ass at pickleball. RHONY Housewives love to play mediocre tennis on camera, and I’d love to see some actually good tennis this time around. Hailey, show me what you’ve got!
I never thought I’d see the day when queer birding was discussed on Real Housewives of New York, but alas, Hailey Glassman brings up this niche cultural topic in the latest episode in a conversation with her mother that begins with the indelible question: “You know my they/them therapist?” Hailey then proceeds to presumably misgender her they/them therapist and share the therapist’s suggestion she join a queer birding group, which initially stumps Hailey. She thinks “queer birding group” means the birds are queer.
Bless this gay mess.
