Letter From Your Editors

Hello Winter Wonderlands!

This month we were all supposed to look cozy. I don’t know what’s going on with Casey feeling cozy in the bathtub of all places, but everybody else seems bundled up in a joyful embrace. Well, except Stef and Rachel who are looking a little intense and not super-joyful. Okay, enough with my show notes.

Top: Laneia // Rachel // Molly // Valerie Ann // Heather // Siobhan // Riese
Bottom: Sarah // Carrie // Raquel // Stef // Alexis // Carmen // Casey

Today Mic.com announced they were laying off virtually their entire staff. I would not recommend my lifestyle to anyone, but it’s interesting how being so hand-to-mouth and never having had the benefit of investors, we’ve managed to avoid so many popular publishing pitfalls simply by not being able to afford them. That being said — a good $2 million or so could really transform our site and enable it to grow, but the obscene amounts of money thrown at sites like Mic (who raised $60 million) often reminds me of when I worked in publishing and would see so many huge book deals that really only existed for their own sake. The large advance builds buzz more than it represents a realistic portrayal of what a publisher could expect that book to make. Then if the book doesn’t earn out, the writer could find themselves fucked for life.

All the things these big media companies invested in, we never did. Pivoting to video? Who has the budget for video?? Moving content and effort to building our Facebook presence? We do not have enough employees to do that! Relying on advertising to pay all our bills? LOL! Launching a mobile app? Let’s start with getting un-cracked screens for our mobile phones! There’s a lot of research about how women are more risk-averse than men and therefore less likely to build big businesses. But… maybe we’re less likely to tank them, too. Anyhow, now Mic has sold to Bustle, an ever-more-powerful media empire owned by a terrible man who also just bought Gawker, that enjoys healthy traffic not just from original content but from gaming search engines. It’s impossible to google literally ANYTHING and not have a Bustle result be on the first page of results.

It’s gonna get harder and harder out there for indies to get advertisers when companies like Bustle are building Wal-Mart-esque economies of scale. Recent rounds of layoffs have also taken place at The Outline and Univision and Buzzfeed and Meredith and Vox and also Conde Nast continues restructuring. Also, Ebony’s freelancers still have not been paid.

On a related note, thanks for being an A+ member! Thanks for buying merch this holiday season! Thank you for your support!

This month we brought you A+ Sex Diary: Fucking an Ex and Feeling Myself, A+ Members: Jumpstart Holiday Shopping With 20% Off Autostraddle Merch and Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #22. Not our most prolific month but also… did you read that sex diary?

Love,

Riese

Co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Carmen

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From October 2018

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. 55 Fictional Witches, Ranked by Lesbianism, by Rachel Kincaid
2. BREAKING: Aisha Tyler Might Be Dating Her “True Love” Emily Bett Rickards or at Least Likes Kissing Her, by Riese
3. October 2018 Queer Horoscopes: It’s Time to Reconsider Your Needs in Love, by Corrina
4. Queen Latifah Is [Maybe] Marrying a Woman and [Allegedly] Having a Baby, Our Work Here Is [Almost] Done, by Stef
5. Netflix’s New “Haunting of Hill House” Gave Us a Lesbian Who Lives, Took Our Whole Weekend, by Rachel
6, The Gay Love Stories of Moomin and the Queer Radicality of Tove Jansson, by Hannah Williams
7. Queer Books Across America: Incredible Lesbian and Bisexual Novels and Memoirs Set in Every State, by Riese Bernard
8. This Woman Asking for Advice About Her Gay Affair Should Leave Her Husband, Be Gay, Do Crimes, by Stef
9. No Filter: Janelle Monáe Made Tessa Thompson a Birthday Present Song That Will Leave You Screaming, by Stef
10. Straight People Watch: Fall 2018, by Erin Sullivan

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Siobhan: thanks to Heather’s article on Sally4ever I just read the transcript of the toeing podcast and now my life is ruined forever
Riese: YOU’RE WELCOME
Siobhan: also I’m very tempted to inflict it on my girlfriend now so is this article like the ring tape but for queers?
Riese: no, the ring tape is the l word season 6
and “better than chocolate”
Molly: “room in rome”
“we’re naked the whole time but somehow it is not hot and more sad than anything else”
Siobhan: are those Jenny quotes?
Molly: no it’s my summary of the movie, ‘room in rome’

Yvonne: have you listened to pussy is god yet? and then wondered how old king princess is and then googled it and she’s fucking 19 years old???
Rachel: !
I thought she was like… 23
Yvonne: the gay youth are BLESSED rn
Heather: that is a FACT
i had to walk uphill both ways in the snow listening to katy perry

Laneia: that graphic reminds me of those punch-out advent calendars!
Rachel: oh that’s true
I wish we had that for the butches in flannel
butch advent calendar
Carmen: Can we do that next year???
I mean, I understand that you were joking, but also: BUTCH ADVENT CALENDAR
Don’t those words just pop off the page?
Rachel: oh I was absolutely not joking
Carmen: x2!!
Riese: me too
Laneia: wait hang on, what’s in this advent calendar
just any and all butch accessories and accoutrement ??
butch snacks
Rachel: I would give a year off my life for that

Riese: i can’t tell if ilene chaiken thinks jenny is a good writer or not
do you think we should have a thing about the first openly bisexual senator
Heather: this is a complicated question i can answer better tomorrow. i did update the midterm winners post and tweet about it this morning.
Riese: are you talking about if ilene thinks jenny is a good writer or not
as a complicated question you can answer better tomorrow
Heather: lol no kyrsten sinema!
Riese: :confused:
Heather: i do think ilene thinks jenny is a good writer
Riese: but she has charlotte birch be so mean to her and also all her friends hate her writing and she gets all those rejection letters!
Heather: i think ilene makes people be mean to jenny in the hopes of making people feel sorry for her which in turn means ilene thinks people feel sorry for HER for people being just so mean
Riese: ugh you’re right
genius take
thank u Heather

Carmen: laneia whats that super beautiful image site you showed me once? I’m looking at the resources list on airtable and I can’t remember
Laneia: unsplash!
Carmen: YES
thank you!
Laneia: sometimes i just go there to look around and feel better about the world
Carmen: … this hoodie is very soft and lux feeling and came from the Gap and I got 50% during a Cyber Monday sale and now it’s already on my body! So! Very fashion!
Laneia: !!
you did it
you fashioned

Archie: Hi
I only joined fashion-style channel bc I’m obsessed with A Simple Favor and want someone to do a fashion roundup based on those Mommi suits
Like a fashion round up featuring pinstripe blazers, gloves, and pocket watches as accessories
Laneia: wow damn yeah
Erin: Blake Lively Suits in A Simple Favor Ranked By 2006ness
Archie: I will never get over her in a suit blazer with no top on drinking a martini in a graveyard

Carmen: Riese I could use a recap title and I hear you are the title wizard! if you see this
Oh wait, maybe you didn’t watch Black Lightning yet! Sorry!
Riese: who told you i was a title wizard
Carmen: Literally every editor has told me that
Riese: i’m firing all of them
Carmen: And they are correct.
Riese: YOU’RE ALL FIRED
Except you Carmen
you can stay
Carmen: hahahahaaahaha! AND ON THE DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING
Riese: it’s like being good at blow jobs
like ok fine i’m good at it but don’t make me do it
anyhow yes i will help you with your headline
i did see black lightning last night
and i have no idea what happened
Carmen: ME EITHER! Which made writing this today extra terrible!
So far my title is: WTF Just Happened?
Riese: unfortunately…
we have used that headline
many times already

Valerie: They cast jon cryer in supergirl and now i’m taking it personally
Heather: Thank you natalie!
Valerie: they lift me up just to knock me down again!!!
“here’s nicole maines!” omg thank you so much “and also jon cryer” wait wtf why
Natalie: AS LEX LUTHOR?!
Valerie: YES
NATALIE WHY
Natalie: Man, Hollywood is ageist as fuck
Brenda Strong is 58.
(aka Lillian Luthor)
Valerie: yup. it’s fucked.
Natalie: Her son, Lex, is played by a 53 year old actor?!
Valerie: also you’re supposed to make me believe that Jon Cryer and Katie McGrath share DNA? lololol
Natalie: I WILL NOT BELIEVE IT.
Valerie: i don’t even think they needed to cast a Lex in the first place and then they go and do THIS
how DARE

Vanessa: I’m sorry did you all know Nicole Cliffe is queer and just no one told me?!?!?
Like, this whole time?!?!?!?
Molly: she’s bi i think
Laneia: Vanessa i assume every decent person is gay somehow
Vanessa: Laneia that’s a fair assumption
Siobhan:I expand my assumptions to any flavour of queer but yes that
Vanessa: I just didn’t know!
Riese: WHAT
Cameron: there has been much more bisexual content on her twitter lately i think
Vanessa: SHE JUST TWEETED TODAY Riese
ABOUT THE TIME A GIRL WENT DOWN ON HER
LIKE IT WAS JUST CHILL AND NORMAL
Riese: whaaaaaaatttt
Vanessa: bi girls who are married to men is a whole group of humans i am very thirsty for right now tbh
like literary bi girls who are married to men
is apparently my type
after jewish LHBs
Stef: oh that’s my #1 demographic
Laneia: getting in some Real Talk in freeform today, proud of everyone

Laneia: also i just confused julien baker and julia weldon in conversation so this is just a notice to the world at large that we can’t have anymore 20-something skinny white queer musicians until one of them retires
Yvonne: hahaha
Laneia: ESPECIALLY if their names begin with a j
Yvonne: julien baker has long hair
Heather: i second this motion
Yvonne: tbh this is how i feel at a-camp
Laneia: !!!!!
Rachel: I think there should be a rule that they have to just change their name
to a more identifiable one
like how I had to be Rachel K for all of elementary school because there were two other rachels
Heather: SAME.
Rachel: Heather do you ever think about how the upside of having such a common name is that your exes probably have to think about you a LOT
like how often are they really gonna go 24 hours without hearing the name Heather
Heather: lololol i have never thought that but now i want to roll around in it like a pile of towels fresh from the dryer
Rachel: you’re welcome!
Heather: i for real just made a little giddy surprise noise out loud

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Annie Mok, Contributing Writer

Twitter: @heyAnnieMok
Instagram: @heyAnnieMok
Youtube: Queer Girl Gaming

What would be your superpower and why?
I would want to fly like Supergirl. It’s not deep, I just want it :p

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?
The people that first come to mind are Daniel Treacy of Television Personalities, jazz musician Ornette Coleman, the painter Vincent van Gogh, and Josephine Baker. They’re each artists of different mediums that I admire very much.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Oh, easily Clea DuVall in But I’m a Cheerleader. I have lots of types but I’m very butch4butch sometimes.

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
I’m proud of dealing with the stress of moving! I’m having to leave my apartment this winter and I’m trying to go south to Gainesville, FL or Austin, TX for the winter or longer to see how I like being in a city where the weather is nicer.

Four humans you know & love who were not on the Out 100 list but attended the Out 100 party this month: Ellen, Riese, Brittani & Gaby

LIST OF MUSIC VIDEOS WE WATCHED ON YVONNE’S LAST DAY AT AUTOSTRADDLE

List of music videos we watched on Yvonne’s last day:

I Will Remember You – Amy Grant
Can’t Fight the Moonlight – Leanne Rhimes
I Had The Time of My Life – Dirty Dancing Soundtrack
I Will Remember You – Sarah McLachlan
I Hope You Dance – Lee Ann Womack
Graduation (Friends Forever) – Vitamin C
I’ll Be Missing You – Puff Daddy

Then we watched the private goodbye video that Yvonne made for us, set to “Work From Home,” and we all cried!

What We’ve Been Reading

Heather: Good and Mad by Rebecca Traister

Riese: Bad With Money, by Gaby Dunn

Valerie Anne: The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith

Natalie: Becoming by Michelle Obama

Molly: Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey

Alexis: Stranger Things: Worlds Turned Upside Down: The Official Behind-the-Scenes Companion by Gina McIntyre, Heavy by Kiese Laymon

Raquel: My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh

Carrie: Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi

Casey: Friday Black by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah and Colony by Leigh Matthews

Rachel: How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: Essays, by Alexander Chee

KaeLyn: Girl Squads: 20 Female Friendships That Changed History by Sam Maggs

MEET AN EDITOR’S PET!

Get to know some of our staff’s pets. Today we’ll get to know more about Heather’s cat, Beth March Bobbi Peterson-Hogan!

View this post on Instagram

Game face.

A post shared by Heather Hogan (@heatherannehogan) on Sep 18, 2018 at 6:08pm PDT

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?
Well my favorite food is chicken but also it is my brothers’ favorite food and they’re about as big as real lions and so if I try to eat my chicken on the floor beside them they will knock me over or take my very own chicken out of my mouth! I do not like that! My mama, though, what she does is pick me up and put me on the top turret of my cat castle and then I can eat my chicken in a little bit more peace.

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?
In the morning I like to sleep on the floor of my bedroom wherever the sunbeam is and then in the afternoon I like to sleep on my castle turret I told you about where I get my chicken and then in the evening I like to sleep on my mama’s chest while she listens to music and reads in bed and then at night time I like to sleep on whichever clean t-shirt my mama lays out that is especially just for me and NOT for my brothers and I also like warm laundry as a special napping treat.

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?
Which one doesn’t got the street sweeper machines and the trash trucks? That one.

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?
Is that the same thing as a Bokoblin in the game of Zelda because I have saw a LOT of Bokoblins which I know is what they are because my mama says, “Beebo, move, please! The Bokoblins are attacking me and I cannot see them!”

Which fictional cat do you look up to and why?
Well actually it’s a dog. Do you know that dog Olive? Who heard the song Rudplph on the radio and she thought “all of the other reindeer” said “Olive the other reindeer” and so she went to the north pole and flew Santa’s sleigh??? That’s who I look up to because of bravery and being Santa’s friend.

What do you wish you could say to your mom?
My mama is very smart, for example she knows how to open every single door in the whole house, but one thing she can’t ever figure out is who is the Littlest Tiny. Just about every day, she says, “Bethany, who’s the Littlest Tiny? Do you know who it is? Do you know who’s the Littlest Tiny?” And I squiggle all around and meow in just about the smallest way you’ve ever heard and she pets me so gentle on my head which she says is the size of one peanut but she still keeps on asking! So if I could say one thing to my mama, it would be, “Mama! The Littlest Tiny is me!”

… And Stay Tuned for Next Month! When We Get to Meet This Cutie!…

View this post on Instagram

He heard Beth March got interviewed by @carmencitaloves and he has SOME QUESTIONS.

A post shared by Heather Hogan (@heatherannehogan) on Nov 27, 2018 at 5:02pm PST

SLACKERS

Monthly Retro-Reading: December 2013 / January 2014 Redesign Edition

via Holiday Fashion Shoot: Lady Vengeance Style

This month’s retro-reading is dedicated to December 2013 / January 2014, when we launched our (crowdfunded) redesign and also used a generous donation from a reader to solicit freelance stories from really cool writers! Here are some of the highlights of the best of that month.

Hooray It’s A Party! A Queer Holiday Horror Tale, by Krista Burton – Krista’s ability to really capture the delightful, incestuous torture of queer culture has, I think, ensured her place in the queer history books. Plus so many of you found us through Effing Dykes!

The Second to Last Woman I Loved, by Roxane Gay – I don’t know if I can express the pride I felt in my chest when I saw “Autostraddle” listed in the “some of these essays were previously published in” page of Roxane Gay’s Hunger. Little old us, and this gorgeous thing!

Top Ten Things I Genuinely and Unironically Love With Little to Zero Shame, by El Sanchez – El’s first appearance on Autostraddle dot com! Their bit, it seems, has always been “this is who I fucking am, and it’s super g-damn weird, but I don’t care what you think!” except funnier, you know? And this is that.

Schecter 3:16 (Or How Jenny Schecter Saved My Life), by Heather Hogan – Heather’s first piece on Autostraddle. It’s wild to me that this was January 2014. It feels like a million years passed since publishing this and the rest of 2014, including Heather finally coming to work for us. Anyhow, you know this girl — so generously vulnerable and uniquely able to find words that perfectly describe the human heart.

Homeward Bound: Searching for the Secret Island of Black Queer Mixed Femmes, by Kim Katrin Milan – Rich with evocative detail and resonant journeys through desire and community and never feeling quite amongst one’s own. And then one day she was at A-Camp, and it was beautiful!

CEE TRIES TO SAVE / RUIN MY LIFE BY CHANGING ALL OF OUR PASSWORDS

Special note to cee: I have changed the specific letters and symbols present in each the passwords transcribed here so that nobody can steal them and hack us, don’t worry!

Riese: did someone change my password in imdb
Cee: i changed a bunch of passwords today riese
Riese: I AM LOCKED OUT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
Cee: it’s all on the document
Riese: I AM DEVASTATED
Cee: i’m going to have to change all our passwords everywhere b/c we reused the same ones over and over and those passwords have been leaked.
i did the first sheet today which is the worst of it (the stuff we use most often probably)
I’ll do the rest over the coming weeks and post in here so you know.
it’s annoying but better than getting our accounts hacked.
Riese: can they be like, a little bit shorter
just like a wee bit smaller
Cee: no, sorry. just use a password manager
Riese: i do use a password manager
:-(

[…]

Cee: so autostraddle@gmail forwards to [email protected]?
Riese: yeah
Cee: okay, so you’ll probably have to go in and change the password in the settings for the marie one
i can change the autostraddle@ one now for ya
Riese: ok
Cee: ok your new password is YsXEsmPR7sVNrE8xA&x9gvsHt3rklu
Riese: ah, what a coincidence, that’s what i plan to name my first child
Cee: HAHA

[….]

Kristin: hiya @channel i am having trouble logging into vimeo but cant sort out why
do any of you know if the pw changed?
Laneia: well kristin
Kristin: lol
Laneia: cee updated all of our passwords one day
Kristin: hahahahahaha
Laneia: now the pw for vimeo is
9bC^oQYwoMYABAKi97v*l7LWDAPO3H
Kristin: NO
Laneia: :face_with_raised_eyebrow:
Heather: i’m putting this conversation in my heart’s pocket to save forever
Laneia: a treasure
Kristin: is cee worried that
people will
steal the videos
Sarah: lmaooooo
this is my fave convo of the day

Riese: I am glad you are enjoying the ongoing saga of cee ruining my life
Vanessa: hahahaha
your and cee’s friendship evolution
is rly something to behold
Riese: They are NOT getting their hands on my WP login
but everything else has been changed to RUIN MY LIFE
Vanessa: i bet that was cee’s thinking
How Can I Ruin Riese’s Life
Riese: i yelled at them about this in person AND online and they don’t care
because of “security” and “not getting hacked”
they are NOT getting their hands on my wp login
MY COLD DEAD HANDS
Vanessa: HAHAHAHAHA OMG
CEE
Riese: “just use lastpass” (i do!)
Vanessa: i’m glad they don’t think i’m that important

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

The Closet Let Me Feel Anything and Everything, by Grecia Magdaleno

A lush, beautifully constructed essay about the safety and comfort of secret internal worlds — including the closet — when your home life is turbulent and unpredictable.

The harsher my parents were, the softer I became, much like the masa para tortillas my mother would make that never seemed to stiffen. Visions of safety and belonging began to filter in, too; on the worst nights, my brain replayed the same dream: jumping into and falling through water fountains-turned-into-waterfalls. I’d watch myself fall into their bed without ever waking them them up. A desperate longing to be by their side without any semblance of conflict.

The 16 Best Lesbian and Bisexual TV Couples of 2018, by Heather Hogan

It’s a cold harsh world and winter is just beginning; I definitely don’t have enough warm socks. Warm your heart and soul by diving into this list of best gay TV couples and just sort of swim around in there for a while. You deserve it.

Lesbian and Bisexual Women of History Who Were Obsessed with Their Dogs, Part 3, by Sally

When you start to feel down about this hellish year and our nightmare planet, try to remember back to time when there were zero (0) installments of Lesbian and Bisexual Women of History Who Were Obsessed with Their Dogs. Weren’t those dark days? Could you ever have imagined, at that point at the bottom of the mountain, that we would live in a world where there are three (3) entire installments? Just food for thought.

They Want Trans Shit to Be a PSA: A Trans Woman Writers Roundtable, coordinated by Annie Mok

There are so few things that excite me more than a conversation between really intelligent, creative and talented people in the same field; it’s always such a privilege to be able to witness, and in this case it’s also very cool that all these women have so much of their career ahead of them and you can continue following them and their work! Get into it now, and enjoy this special window onto process, craft and context!

Bearing Life with and Alongside: On Masculinity, Pregnancy, and Medical Trauma, by Grover Wehman-Brown

There’s so much to unpack about how we as queer and trans people navigate medical spaces, and how our identities and embodied realities interact with experiences like illness and pregnancy. It’s a lot! And Grover does such vulnerable and thoughtful work here exploring those tensions and intersections; I learned a lot from reading this and I bet you will too!

Social Media Spotlight

Did you know that we now have FIFTY THOUSAND followers on Instagram? We do, it’s true, and that’s a big dang deal. Laneia and Sarah are doing some magic out there, so make sure you’re following us. One of my favorite things to do at the end of the month — this is Heather, by the way; this section is always Heather – is to look at the top posts on Instagram and the top posts on Twitter and find the similarities and differences. Here, look. Instagram loves sex and Twitter loves teevee.

Instagram

10. 30 Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Trans Women Who Make Our Worlds Turn

9. Love That Looks Like Me: Finding My Queer, Non-Binary Place in the Wedding Industry

8. Queering the Jewish Holidays: How I Celebrate Shabbat

7. 21 Queer Jews on Why We Love Being Jewish

6. New Merch Alert: Still Bisexual After All These Years T-Shirt

5. Find Your Fit: The Edgy Lesbian Who’s “Femme, Not Frail”

4. The 14 Best Lesbian and Bisexual Movies of 2018

3. How to Make Long Distance Dating Sexy and Keep Things H.O.T. in Your L.D.R.

2. Monday Roundtable: The First Queer People Who Pinged Our Gaydars With Their Style

1. The Bisexual Bob: A Bold Haircut for a Beautiful Future

Twitter

10. After a week of ballot counting, bisexual candidate Kyrsten Sinema is now projected to win Jeff Flake’s former Senate seat, making her the first Democrat to be elected to the U.S. Senate in Arizona in over two decades.

9. 30 Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Trans Women Who Make Our Worlds Turn

8. Still bisexual after all these years? We’ve got a t-shirt for that! Girl who just wants to do girls? We’ve got a t-shirt for that too! Non-binary? GAY GAY GAY? We’ve got a t-shirt!

7. Miseducation of Cameron Post Director @desireeeakhavan’s new Hulu series, The Bisexual, is here to make every queer a little uncomfortable.

6. Stacey Abrams has always shown up for LGBTQ people; it’s time to show up for her.

5. For the first time ever there were enough good lesbian and bisexual movies for us to make a year-end list! ?

4. Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people! Kristen Stewart will star in the lesbian Christmas rom-com of your wildest holigay dreams!

3. A record number of women and LGBTQ candidates win midterm races as Democrats take back the House!

2. The 16 best lesbian and bisexual TV couples of 2018. ❤️? 

1. The gayest thing you could do this weekend is binge Netflix’s new She-Ra.

Also.Also.Also: Laneia Needs A Headline and Other Stories

Laneia: is this a headline: Also.Also.Also: Your Wedding Was Cool, Sure, But Did You Set Your Dresses On Fire?
Rachel: I like it!
Laneia: there is nothing else to headline that hasn’t already been headlined to death everywhere else !
Also.Also.Also: When There’s Nothing Left to Burn, You Have to Set Your Wedding Dresses on Fire
Heather: that’s it!
Laneia: Also.Also.Also: Riese Is Going to Change This Headline Soon, It’s OK

Laneia: Also.Also.Also: Fictional Character Cheryl Blossom Is a Lesbian and I Thought You Should Know
Also.Also.Also: Riverdale’s Cheryl Blossom Is a Lesbian and I Care for Some Reason
Also.Also.Also: My Mom Is Visiting and I’m Suddenly Interested in TV
Riese: hmmmm

Laneia: is this an annoying headline
Also.Also.Also: Did Y’All Hear About the Midterms
Rachel: I don’t think it’s annoying i’m just not sure if I would click on it
Laneia: true
fa;lsdkfjsdlfkj
ok i’m going to shower and maybe a story will become a headliner while i’m gone

[note: we went with cargo shorts]

Laneia: why can’t aaa headliners just COME TO ME
just give birth to themselves
Also.Also.Also: Imagine Kehlani’s Baby Wearing a ‘New Order’ Onesie by Celine Dion
Rachel: yes
Laneia: it’s either this, the lgbtq asylum seekers from the caravan, or the warning sings of a mass shooter!
Rachel: yeah
let’s go with this
Laneia: ok thank you! i hope you enjoy my ft image

Laneia: Also.Also.Also: Kansas Will Reinstate LGBTQ Protections and Other Stories for Your Week
Also.Also.Also: Ready for the NEW SATANIC PANIC ??! and Other Chill Vibes
Rachel: oh I mean I would click on the second one but I am maybe not a good test case
Laneia: Also.Also.Also: It’s Gonna Take More Than a Couple of Cartoon Women Kissing on a Box of Pasta to Win Me Back, Buddy, But NICE TRY
rachel the second headline was created just for you in a lab
Rachel: it’s like a salt lick
Laneia: hm everyone is gone so it’s just us making this very crucial decision that will undoubtedly affect all of our lives
Rachel: I think the pasta one shortened would be good actually
even though obviously I love it as is, long and perfect in my heart of hearts
Yvonne: i love the satanic panic and the cartoon women kissing
Laneia: Also.Also.Also: It’ll Take More Than a Couple of Cartoon Women Kissing on a Box of Pasta to Win Me Back, Buddy, But NICE TRY
let’s do some a/b testing
Rachel: hook me up to some electrodes!!
Yvonne: love it
Laneia: man i really wanted to go with satanic panic, i’m now realizing !
Yvonne: haha then go for it
Rachel: Is This the New Satanic Panic? Ugh I Wish

Laneia: is the headline that there’s no same-sex marriage for taiwan, or that the world is on fire and the lack of local newspapers isn’t helping
it’s nothing but good news today
clearly
Carmen: Um? The one about local newspapers made me chuckle in that “we are all going to die” kind of way?
Laneia: Also.Also.Also: Without Local Newspapers We Are Supremely Fucked Re: Climate, Politics, Et Al
Carmen: !!!!!!!
Riese: [popping into slack while at the gym] Also.also.also Lena Dunham compares herself to bisexual genius Virginia Woolf but with emojis?
Heather: hahahahahahaha!!!!!!
Laneia: ok that’s what i’m going with!!!!!!
Carmen: Oh yes! That’s really funny. 100% would click on that title.
Laneia: i wish i could photoshop virginia into this frame with her
Heather: i can!
give me your pic and i will do it
i am on a photoshopping roll
Laneia: can you make it so they’re staring at each other like a sad mirror
Heather: oh i sure can
[SENDS PIC]
Laneia: oh my entire god
Heather, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this
i’m heading out and will be back here to check in on things later this evening !!!
last day!!!!!!
Heather: you’re so welcome!

ONE HOUR LATER, WHEN Riese GETS BACK FROM THE GYM

Riese:: Omg I was totally kidding about headlining Lena Dunham

Just the first of eight months of pictures with Yvonne in them even though Yvonne isn’t here anymore!

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!