Also.Also.Also: Cargo Pants Are Back in Style, Make Great Gay Voting Attire

Well the holidays are almost over and we’re coming up on the 2020 elections. TIME FLIES, LOVE U.

Queer as in F*ck You

How to Wear Cargo Pants—Because, Yes, They’re Back.

The Equality Act Would Outlaw LGBT Discrimination. Will It Ever Be Passed? Feels like a rhetorical q.

Here’s a lovely look at Julia Turshen (she shared her recipe for baked oatmeal + apple squares with us last year for Friendsgiving!!) and her cookbooks and queer food: Queer As Apple Pie: 2 Cookbooks, 2 Apple Recipes, and Defining ‘Queer Food’. And while we’re here, her wife Grace Bonney Asks, What Does Queer Look Like in 2018? (I would say “tired.”)

Queer Sugar Babies Explain How to Find a Sugar Mommy.

Revisiting the Life of Trailblazing Queer Heroine Annemarie Schwarzenbach.

We got some recent heat on twitter re: our lack of certain music coverage and LISTEN ok I GET IT but we simply don’t have a music person on staff right now and I CAN’T SPIN SWEET POTATOES INTO MUSICAL COVERAGE *cries softly* but look, I can and do include music-related links in this twice-weekly link roundup! So here you go, fresh music things for your enjoyment: Flint Eastwood Is the Queer, Detroit Artist Making Vulnerability Cool cool cool cool AND COBRAH is the Lesbian Queen of Sweden’s Fetish Scene and bonus, she is wearing an octopus on her head, so. Also, Al was chill enough to include several music things in yesterday’s Sunday Funday! 🍠🎧💕

A Queer Baseball Geek Programmed a Brilliant Donation System That Targets MLB Homophobia.

Anti-gay crackdown in Dar es Salaam.


Saw This, Thought of You

You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry.

How a Woman Becomes a Lake.

The Correct Way to Go See a Movie Is by Yourself. Please lmk if you’ve seen a movie alone on purpose and how that went for you.

M.F.K. Fisher and the Art of the Culinary Selfie.

Inside the Tree of Life Congregation, the Prayer for the Dead Brings Hope.


Political Snacks

U.S. Law Enforcement Failed to See the Threat of White Nationalism. Now They Don’t Know How to Stop It.

Before the Midterms, Five Questions for the Political Left.

Lesbian Writers Weigh in on Resistance and the Midterms.

The Resistance to Donald Trump Is Not What You Think.

Over 400 Black Women Are Running in the Midterms. Meet 5 Who Could Help Make History.

Laneia is the Executive Editor and founding member of Autostraddle, and you're the reason she's here. She's 37, has two kids, two dogs, one cat, one Megan, and some personal essays.

Laneia has written 833 articles for us.

51 Comments

  1. When I lived in Manhattan for a few months I often went to the movies alone. The theater was usually very crowded and I knew very few people in the city. Now I live in a smaller Midwestern town and I go to the theater alone sometimes but I always see someone I know (from work, church, a neighbor, etc.) and I get a look of pity.

    • I also sometimes go alone in a small provincial town, and I have started to feel good about it! I used to dread it, but at some point I started feeling quite comfortable going out alone if there is a show/movie/concert because I feel like the people are focused on that (and me too).

      One time, however, the cinema was almost empty except for me and a dude that was kind of a bully to me in high school. He was there with his girlfriend, of course, and I was alone. They sat in the row right before me, the irony. But I said hi and smiled and forgot about them as soon as the movie started, and I guess it was quite a win for me as a mostly awkward and insecure person.

      Just wanted to share cause I feel you, living in small towns with judgy folks is awful, but I sometimes a good movie can make up for it!

  2. I go to the movies alone a lot because I like spending time alone and I normally bring a mini-picnic complete with a “theme” cocktail for that movie. Yes…I am that person! At Disobedience, I was brought a mini bar for making Sazeracs and ended up serving half my row.

  3. Its always so peaceful to go alone! You can get everything on your own schedule, get the food you want, and sit down without stressing about someone else. I will say blockbuster movies can be fun with friends because its always so energetic and everyone is all into it.

    • Agreed. In fact, I see the vast majority of movies by myself.

      Sometimes this is an extreme benefit, as when I saw the first Lord of the Rings movie when I was living in London. I totally burst into tears due to homesickness when they were lighting the beacons of “Gondor” in the mountains (Southern Alps). Since I can count the number of times I’ve cried in front of friends on two fingers, I was so so so relieved that it was only random Pommy strangers that got to witness my uncontrollable snivelling for several minutes at the end of the film.

  4. I almost always got to movies alone, it’s the best way for me. I often turn it into a little self love date with some good food and maybe a walk in a park or something similar before or after.

  5. You know one way law enforcement can’t stop white nationalists is by stop them from working there. “Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” – Rage Against the Machine

    The out.com link is broken btw.

  6. not only do i go to movies alone but the last movie i went to see alone was Mamma Mia 2 (for the second time) and the theatre was near-abandoned so the other three people and i ended having a singalong dance party which is ACTUALLY the best way to watch movies

  7. I don’t go to the cinema much anyway and going alone feels really awkward to me so I’ve never done it. I’m happy and comfortable doing most things alone so I don’t get why that feels like a big deal. How did people get comfortable with the awkwardness?

    • A few years ago there was something that I really wanted to see and no one else was interested so I had the choice of going alone or missing out. So I went and it felt a bit weird but I was really pleased I’d seen the movie. Since then I almost always go alone and much prefer it. I get to see what I want when I want and I don’t have to deal with anyone else and can just lose myself in the film.
      I prefer the cinema when it’s half empty and have noticed that lots of people go alone. Plus it’s dark and people are looking at the screen not at me. If someone thinks I’m weird/sad for going alone that’s their problem – I’m pleasing myself not them. But honestly no-one has ever batted an eyelid, everyone is far too wrapped up in themselves. Maybe try a matinee or something coming to the end of its run so it won’t be too busy and pick something you really want to see. You might feel a bit awkward at first but after a couple of times it honestly feels great 🙂

    • I figure, it’s not like I’m talking during the movie anyways. Sometimes if I feel a bit awkward about the prospect of doing something alone, I pretend that I’m a visitor to my city. It helps me bridge the gap between what I want to do and my discomfort with doing it alone, and then look at that, I had a perfectly lovely time by myself.

    • Regarding some people feeling “awkward” about going alone, I’m genuinely curious as to why. OK, I’m the kind of person who will eat in a reasonably nice *restaurant* alone, so obviously my threshold for solo yet public activities is fairly high. (I do, however, draw the line at certain solo activities that should remain just that.)

      Do you notice or care whether other people at the movies are alone? Because if you don’t – most of us wouldn’t – that’s exactly how much other people would notice or care about what you’re doing there.

      Maybe if you live in a really tiny small town and you’d get a reputation as what the Australians call being “Norman No-Mates”? I don’t know why it’d be a concern otherwise, unless of course you’re the kind of person who just likes to have people around them at all times. That’s fine, but it’s good to do stuff alone sometimes, and a movie theatre is a pretty good place to do that.

    • Looks like it’s about time I tried a solo cinema trip then! There’s nothing on I want to see at the moment, except maybe Bohemian Rhapsody, so this might be a goal for the future but I’m doing it!
      I think a lot of the awkwardness comes from the cinema being seen (at least where I’ve grown up) as very much a social thing and that you’re a bit odd to go on your own. But I may as well get over that since I wouldn’t judge other people and I already don’t care about the judgemental looks I get doing other things on my own.

  8. I deeply love going to the movies alone. The idea of going to a bar or restaurant alone currently is too much awkward for me, but it’s a strong 2018 goal to get over that because I’m my favorite date.

    Also Laneia I just need you to know – really and truly know and feel in your bones – that you’re one of the funniest people ever to be.

    “I CAN’T SPIN SWEET POTATOES INTO MUSICAL COVERAGE *cries softly* ” I MEAN HONESTLY

  9. I went to see The Martian first with someone else and then I loved it so much* I went back and saw it again alone. I did feel awkward but sometimes you just have to tell your brain to stop worrying about anyone else judging you.

    * I loved it as a love letter to Mars and science. But I kept thinking, why couldn’t Matt Damon’s role have been played by, say, Lupita Nyong’o? I thought he did it well, but how come the lone hero we’re all supposed to identify with has to be a white dude?

    • The good thing about the next book by Andy Weir, the author of The Martian (I do prefer the book to the movie), is that the hero is an awesome kick-arse problem-solving brown WOMAN.

      The book is called Artemis, and it’s a great read.

  10. Oh yes, I’ve seen at least a hundred movies by myself! I love it! You can get to the theater as early as you want, get whatever seat you want, and then afterward you can have as much quiet time as you need to process your feelings about the story. Highly recommended favorite activity!

  11. I go to the movies almost exclusively alone, and it’s great! (Would consider attending a movie with a sugar mommy, though, just saying.)

    I like to go to matinees during the week, so it can be like your own personal screening if no one else is there!

    Also, I always feel self-conscious about snacks if I go with a friend and if my friend doesn’t get snacks I don’t get snacks even if I want snacks, but if I’m alone? I can get snacks if I want them! It’s fine! And afterward I get to go sit in my car without someone rushing me.

    • Also sometimes I get compliments on like my hair from the person selling me my ticket at the box office which is nice but it’s also like thank goodness no one was around to watch me not know how to gracefully accept a nice word like a doofus.

  12. Also, I really wish I had the time/commitment level/writing experience to write about music for y’all… I had a conversation yesterday in which I realized that music was the first and is often still the primary way that I connect to queerness/queer culture.

  13. All my friends are now out-of-state friends, so I’ve *only* gone to see movies alone for the past 2 years. It’s fantastic! And liberating! Instead of spending half the movie checking on my comrades’ reactions to the thing, I WATCH the thing. I ENJOY the thing. Went to see Bohemian Rhapsody on Thursday and you will NOT hold me down for Radio Ga Ga.

    (the last fact may be unrelated)
    (As yet unconquered: anxiety about purchasing a single ticket in person. Thank Al Gore for internet tickets~)

  14. I’M SORRY for giving you guff about not covering Flint Eastwood, I just LOVE her and her music SO DAMN MUCH I want everyone to experience the music, too!! I know staff is only so big and can only cover so much, I love all of you and the work you do! *hearts*

  15. In 2007 I came back from two months in a remote foreign place where I had been learning and speaking a new language at the same time as doing research in that new language, and the day after I returned to the US I went to see a movie by myself for the first time. It was hot outside and cold in the matinee theater, and I got stoned first and brought a beer and snacks in with me. Not only was I alone, I was the only one in the theater at all, a private screening. It was glorious and perfect and also extremely stupid because it was the simpsons movie. It was exactly the right thing to do that day to reacclimate through the culture shock that was all over my body and mind. I have been chasing that alone-at-the-movies sublime ever since.

  16. I’m single and live alone, so usually go to the cinema by myself. Ironically, the twice I haven’t recently have been to see musicals (La La Land and Mamma Mia 2) with my (straight) bestie!

  17. I love seeing films by myself, especially arthouse and difficult films, because it gives me time to process what I’ve watched on my own. I usually make a day of it by dressing up, going to super fancy cinemas with plush seats, and buying snacks and alcohol. The last film I saw by myself was ‘Hearts Beat Loud’, which was cute but disappointing. I have also been known to go to pubs on my own, sit in a corner with a cider and read.

  18. I saw Ghostbusters alone two days after my first breakup, and let me tell you, sitting in that theater by myself and realizing that actually I’m queer as hell, that it was just her I wasn’t into, was such a beautiful and affirming experience.

    (So much so that I repeated it twice over the next two weeks)

  19. Movies that I’ve gone to see by myself:

    Carol (perfect for crying without shame) and a handful of Marvel movies — both perfect for going to alone. At least in NYC, there were TONS of other people there alone, presumably people in the closet/without queer friends for Carol and people without superhero-loving friends/family/partners for the Marvel movies. I mean, not to assume things about people’s lives but when you’re in the theater alone there is lots of time to make up stories about the people around you because you can get there super early and on your own schedule. It’s great, is what I’m saying.

    • Oh my gosh. I’m so glad I watched Carol in the privacy of my home when my husband was out of the house. I was at peak hereto-marriage-crisis and it made me f’ing sob. Like, very loudly. I’m not an easy cry and it felt amazing to let go. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch it since then, though.

  20. Especially if there’s a movie I’m really interested into, I will always go by myself. I can internally geek out about all the details I see (it comes with the job when you are a writer), without disturbing others (I admit that I love talking and making people notice stuff through a movie) and without being disturbed myself. Plus, I love having quiet time afterwards to reflect on what I watched and maybe even have some insights, which never happens when I am with somebody else.

  21. Cargo pants!! This link goes well with the lesbian style cliche round table.

    I do take exception with Elle saying that cargo pants aren’t exactly sexy. Hah! My cargo pants are sexy on me.

  22. I had a little cinema squad for a while and really enjoyed going with friends to see films! But going alone can be fun as well, and quite freeing.
    I will say, though, I went by myself to see Crazy Rich Asians at a very fancy mall and then missed my evening bus home, and it made me feel VERY poor and alone. But that is mostly the fault of capitalism.

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