No Filter: Janelle Monáe Made Tessa Thompson a Birthday Present Song That Will Leave You Screaming

Welcome back to No Filter. Each week we review the most charming in queer celebrity Instagram and declare that it is good. This week is no different, except the world at large has left me slightly angrier this week than I was last week. I suspect I will be even angrier next week!!! LET’S GET TO WORK!!!!

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I think… we just… got gayer?

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Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to be married to Samira Wiley and honestly this is exactly it.

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Delighted because this week Evan Rachel Wood introduced me to the concept of RAGE ROOMS, which are sort of like escape rooms only you are locked in a room with a bunch of goggles and protective gear and WEAPONS YOU USE TO SMASH THINGS. I have already looked up options in my neighborhood and you should too. These are dark times.

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Refueling ☀️

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Nobody is enjoying Hayley Kiyoko’s vacation more than I am in this glorious moment.

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💕🌴 💕🌴💕🌴 📸: @spostophoto

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Noted bisexual Stephanie Beatriz married this dude this week, looked amazing, will return to standing in front of ornate walls next week.

Gaby Dunn went to Stephanie Beatriz’s wedding but not dressed like this. THIS was for a special occasion.

Beth Ditto is getting some cool new ideas for her stage show.

Laura’s stage show is already pretty luxurious but just got moreso with the addition of this jaguar. THE KIND OF GUITAR IS CALLED A JAGUAR JUST LIKE THE LUXURY CAR ALSO CALLED A JAGUAR, GET IT??

I’m really into this series where Lena Waithe walks us through every item in her wardrobe but I’m still really reeling from the Blockbuster shorts last week tbh.

Janelle Monáe made Tessa a fucking BIRTHDAY PRESENT SONG and you can watch the entire thing here and none of my previous girlfriends have ever done this for me and I am upset.

We’ll still be doing all this same nonsense next week.

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Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 464 articles for us.


  1. OK well I’ve only looked at the first one with Samira and Lauren so far and ALREADY I’m going to need to go and lie down for the rest of the day.

  2. If there’s anything better than ERWB, it’s ERWB smashing things.

    (Don’t worry I’m lying down young this).

      • oh she posted instagram stories of herself smashing things, it was SO SATISFYING.
        my research into rage rooms told me that one gives you a “bucket o’ dishes” and another lets you reserve an office printer and some computers for smashing.

        • That’s very interesting. Is there a room that let’s smash those dishes or office equipment on men?

  3. Also Stef I feel like I need to hand you a calming drink, maybe hold your hand and look sincerely at you as I affirm your jaguar joke, on behalf of all of us.

  4. Damn I’ve run out of lunchbreak but that’s ok I couldn’t handle a TT vid AND return to work.

  5. 200% worth the click through for the full g.o.a.t. song and video featuring many adorable baby goats and adorable tessa thompson dance moves.

  6. Fun fact: the photographer for Stephanie Beatriz’s wedding was also MY wedding photographer a few years ago!!! So we have like 1 degree is separation from her.

    We both wonder if Stephanie Beatriz was like “have you ever shot queer weddings?” And the photographer was like “actually yes, here is the cutest queer couple I’ve ever shot” and then showed her our photos…. it could’ve happened

  7. All I want is for that Tessa Thompson/ goat video to be our new collective reality.

    I kid you not.

  8. Thanks for alerting me to whatever Rage rooms are. I love everything about this column today.

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