This Valentine’s Day we decided to stop talking about ourselves for a minute and LET OTHER PEOPLE TALK ABOUT US INSTEAD. For this roundtable, we asked our loved ones to share their favorite things that we’ve written, and they did! (Look out for the follow-up post about squabbles had with significant others regarding this assignment.)

Ali Osworth, Editor

Abby, Her Fiancée

Fighting Disordered Eating As a Masculine-of-Center Woman: I don’t think I could ever open such an intimate part of myself to the chaos of the internet. But it’s a story that clearly resonates, and an experience that is lived but not often talked about, and that’s so, so important. Changing the narrative has to start with us. Basically I was really proud of you that you wrote this and shared it with the internet.

Moving Beyond Lesbian Bed Death: Bridging the Libido Gap: I actually think this is one of the best things you’ve written for AS. Your advice pieces are always so perfect. You manage to give real talk without losing your empathy, and you just come across as this incredible wealth of information and wisdom who is also super approachable. I also think you struck on something really important in this one–I think we should be reframing breakups not just in our community, but in general.

Less serious options:

I love this piece because those Manhattans were fucking delicious.

This is my favorite piece because I live for a good internet shitshow.

I love this piece because I’m a little vain and I like it when you write nice things about me on the internet. But also when you wrote the first draft of this and showed it to me you said that you messaged me about your favorite sushi place in the city, which is CLEARLY SOMETHING YOU MESSAGED TO SOME OTHER GIRL. Or it was just your opener for girls who lived in NYC, which now that I think about it is kind of lame? God you’re lucky you met me and I had an interesting thing about mini-pies on my profile so you didn’t have to resort to your sushi line.

Stef Schwartz, Editor

Emily White, Her Person of Interest

So OBVIOUSLY my favorite thing is every Gothip Girl column ever, but the honest actual answer is Coming Out As An Amorphous Weirdo (partially because the Change.org petition to make Robin and Carly dress up as Morticia and Gomez isn’t actually an Autostraddle article and the whole saga was covered in a series of multiple articles). It also doesn’t hurt that it was posted on my birthday.

In all seriousness, there are not a lot of narratives of people coming out and still not knowing what the fuck to call themselves or how the fuck to feel and I respect so much that you were willing to share your story – which I think is so familiar to so many of us -and make it available to the world. I also appreciate that you expressed it so fucking well, because I’ve been able to share it with lots of my friends as they were going through the process of self-discovery, and they’ve all loved it too.

When I first started doing the googling most of us know so well (“how to know if you’re…”, etc.) I just absolutely couldn’t find stories that resonated with my experience. Particularly before the Great Tumblr Explosion of the twenty-teens (like really how the hell do we refer to this decade though?) I feel like most of the coming out stories I came across that touched on queer/bisexual issues ended in the person realizing that they were actually gay, and they certainly never included the important term “amorphous weirdo”. I feel like biphobia leads a lot of people in gray areas to round-up, and I think that the only way we can ever get to the point of accepting our own fucked-up, challenging, and contradictory selves is for eloquent weirdos like you to be honest and talk about these feelings. <3

Carolyn Yates, Editor

Shannon Watters, Her Number One Everything

You Need Help: Your Girlfriend Has Body Issues and You Want to Initiate Sex: One of the first aspects of Carolyn I noticed after /damn, those eyes/ and /oh my gosh her mouth/ and /she is a really great writer it’s fine/, is that Carolyn is extremely precise. She is precise in the way she moves and writes and communicates, and always wants to be sure she is saying the correct thing before she opens her mouth; which is why I think she sometimes shys away from writing about deeply personal issues like this one sometimes, because she wants to ensure that she is being correct, and true, to both herself and all of you. It’s what makes this piece so remarkable. She sent it to me before she posted it and I cried, because she is the most beautiful person to me, and I am so proud that she could write something like this about all of these imprecise things and maybe help someone else take a deep breath and let go.

16 Animal-Related Euphemisms for Cunnilingus: Carolyn is so funny! Did you know? It is really great when your partner makes you laugh all the time and is also the sexiest person alive, I really recommend it.

Bondage 101: My friends, straight and gay, all call Carolyn irrespective of me, for sex advice and sex toy recommendations. On New Year’s Eve this year, my friends all spent an hour on Skype with her getting pointers, and then went to the Pleasure Chest next day and bought her #1 picks in every category. She is extremely non-judgmental, thoroughly informed, and I have never met someone whom I am so sexually compatible with who also thinks so critically about sex and desire. Her care in writing these kinds of articles illustrates exactly that.

Alley Hector, Contributing Editor

Vanessa, The Girl For Whom She Lovingly Checks the “It’s Complicated” Box

***************you can edit this however you want, i know it’s mushy as fuck. i love you. [Note From Alley: I felt like I had to include this because it’s actually my favorite part]

The State of the Lesbian Bar: Portland Sees Popups Replace the E Room is my favorite that Alley has contributed to Autostraddle thus far because it is a combination of all the things that matter to her, and her passion and talent shine through in every word.

Some of my favorite things about Alley include her huge heart, her commitment to Portland’s queer community, her near-obsession with documenting and archiving our histories (both public and personal…though she would surely point out to me that the line between the two is thin-to-non-existent in many cases, and thus the distinction may be unnecessary), and her ability to pour her soul onto the page (or screen) in an incredibly honest way. Combine all that with original reporting, strong background research, and solid sentence-and-paragraph structure throughout the piece, and you’ve got yourself a fucking winner. Just like Al ;)

So like, honestly, I like everything Alley publishes on Autostraddle, because I know the effort that goes into producing good work in such a fast-paced environment.

As I’ve already mentioned, Alley’s got the biggest heart of anyone I know, is super inclusive, and above all is just so, so kind. That’s a little bit tangential (hi babe) but ultimately relevant because I feel like, of all the things Alley has written for AS thus far, this is the article where her heart really shows up. Like, I can feel the dedication and love and respect Al has for her Portland queer community in this article. It’s so lovely. This is the best because she got to show off all her killer craft and research skillz like always, but she also let the reader see what I get to see every day: her beautiful rad sexy amazing heart.

Carmen Rios, Editor

Geneva, Her Partner in Crime

Declaring Something New: How I Learned To Leave My Afro And Love My Queercut: This is just beautiful. It’s the first thing I read of Carmen’s after we first got together, and it blew me away. Like holy shit could she be more articulate, insightful, confident in her own self journey? This is kinda when I knew how smitten and lucky I was. Plus she thoughtfully included a bunch of dashing photos of her new ‘do, which were handy for showing my friends the hot new person I was into.

Listling Without Commentary: Conversations I Had While Watching the L Word for the First Time: HOW FUNNY WAS THIS. I can confirm that Carmen’s IRL emotional state during that fateful week really comes through here. I’ve never otherwise seen that dazed, lost, existential look in her eyes. Also Carmen asked me to photoshop Alice Motes into the L Word credits for this article, the result of which is still the best thing I’ve put into this world.

Playlist: We’re Finally Dating, Everything is Wonderful: This feels like a bizarre choice because a) it’s a playlist, b) it’s really old, c) these are all love songs meant for someone who’s not-me. But early on, when I reached this leg of the read-everything-she’s-ever-published tour, to me these were just songs about Carmen and how her big big heart works, particular circumstances be damned. I wanted her to feel like this again, and I wanted to be loved like this. So I played these songs over and over on a ridiculous 2300-mile drive with Carmen at the end, where we fell into what was ultimately a totally new kind of love for both of us. But these songs were a nice teaser, so this post is special for me.

Broke as F*ck: The Lifestyle Guide / I’m Not Broke As F*ck Anymore, Does This Mean I Made It: Having been close witness to Carmen’s trials with new jobs, new homes, new people over the last few years, it floors me how both of these pieces can talk about all that tumultuous shit with such grace, levity and honesty. Carmen and I spent a lot of time bonding over the ramen noodle, no air conditioning life when we were first getting to know each other. Things in her life have changed, but not across the board and not with all the expected outcomes. I really admire how she presents her experiences in their full complexity here without judgment. And it’s so fucking well-written.

Maddie Taterka, Contributing Editor

By: Bruce, Her Dad

First is Five Weirdo Things I Saw While Driving Across America. I love your eye for transcontinental irony – Pete Seeger playing at a missile silo? And, of course, I’m thrilled that you actually undertook your 11,000-mile journey. You know that when you were younger I was worried you’d never leave Chester, NJ, but you seem to have gotten over that pretty well. Driving Across America shouts out insight and your sense of adventure.

Second place is the piece about watching the L Word in secret. I like that you empowered yourself to watch it, and that although you began in secret you ultimately threw caution to the wind. Good for you! I got a kick out of the team’s sly moves as well. Good for all of you!

Mari Brighe, Contributing Editor

By: “Penny,” Her Partner/Person-I-Am-Marrying

I really liked Mike Huckabee Compares Gay Marriage to Bacon Wrapped Shrimp. Will Run On Bad Analogy Platform in 2016  because I kept imagining Mike Huckabee’s face scrunching up in indignation as he read it, shaking his head and saying gosh, you don’t need to go to some fancy liberal college to know that bad analogies are nothing like cutting up vegetables. Then, I saw him fall off his bad analogy platform and go ouch and wake up thinking he had to get married in Canada.

Rebecca Kling And Chicago’s Early To Bed Says Trans Women + Sex = Awesome was a close second because I may have had something to do with that cat picture.

Lydia Okello, Editor

By: Hannah, Her Girrrrrrlfriend

Femme Brunch Style: There are two things I take very seriously – femmes and brunch – so it’s a no brainer that my favourite piece of Lydia’s is her one on Femme Brunch Style. I loved seeing how different people interpreted both those things, and the diversity that exists under more general labels like “femme.”

Also, Lydia’s outfit pic is seriously babin’. That doesn’t hurt, either.

Crystal, HR Director

By: Katie, Her Fiancé

My favorite piece of Crystal’s is definitely The Cheesecake Diaries but I’m choosing The Secret Diary of a Turkey-Fister because it was the first piece of hers I’d read that was truly personal and gave insight into her great strength. It’s far more beautiful than the title implies. Crystal rarely shares intimate details of herself on the internet or even away from it so every time she does it blows me away. She has this really special way of cloaking super personal tales of tragedy and triumph into essays that have slightly unusual but amusing themes like her obsession with a chain restaurant or fisting large birds. Every time she shares one of her stories I feel so damn lucky that I get to hear them for the rest of my life.

Mey Rude, Editor

By: Richell, Her Number One Favorite Friend

So hard to pick one!! I spent most of my time going through and reading and had to finally commit to choosing one as a favorite! All so lovely and fun!

One of Mey’s most recent articles that I love is the one she wrote during International Transgender Day of Remembrance. How powerful it is to continue to seek, stand and support others. Mey’s article touched on all of the brave women who went before her, those who fought for her rights and freedom to be simply who she is. She spoke of her gratefulness to those who surround her and who give her a voice and the many others who desperately deserve their voice to be heard. Mey highlights transgender women of color as well, and how radical and inspiring these women are in the face of pure danger and hatred – and yet they persevere to change the world for everyone. These issues need to be heard and they need to be addressed and because of this, this article is one of my favorites. It goes back to the core of everything that Autostraddle and Mey stand for – acceptance, empowerment, love, hope and change.

Also, Going to an Outdoor Semi-Formal Event in the F*cking Snow! “What kind of person plans an outdoor event at a ski lodge in the middle of November in Idaho?” Hahahahaha. Fun Idaho people do! Ya know, the type of people who serve bratwursts and soup in an overfilled ski lodge for a wedding. The loveliness of friends is uniqueness though. Purely enjoying how others do life and joining them! Our guests and friends were quite sweet and brave to join us in our winter vision wedding, without question. And then there’s Mey. Planning her outfit very intently and wholeheartedly to communicate a F**k you to the very essence of the season that we themed our whole day around.. Love it! Fashion is super cool that way. We can clothe ourselves with an attitude and an intent by our decisions of what we put on our body. Mey is so good at this type of thing. Like she says some people are too weak for fashion – especially witch fashion. at. a. winter. wedding. That’s my girl though and the essence of why I love to hear and what she has to say; what she likes, and how she feels. And that’s why, despite an outdoor winter wedding not being her thing, she came and she came with a statement!

Robin Yang, Contributing Editor

By: Linden, Her #1+1/Girlfriend

I did these in reverse chronological order because I can’t pick one that I love more than the others, and I’ve always enjoyed doing things backwards.

The State of the Lesbian Bar: San Francisco Toasts to the End of an Era: Sometimes your brain amazes me and watching this article take shape was no exception. One afternoon we spent two hours in a coffeeshop playing footsie and talking about queer community, because you asked me an idle question as you were writing and it turned into a huge, wider, wonderful discussion. Also, that one day we had a lazy morning in and made ourselves brunch and you asked me to read a draft while the biscuits were baking… I never told you how flattered I was that you’d asked my opinion, sitting at that sunny and flour-dusted kitchen counter. (I guess I’m telling you now.)

I Went to Opening Day at America’s First Cat Cafe: I picked this one because the whole piece feels like a private lovers’ joke, something just for us even though it’s on The Entire Internet. I see myself in between the lines of your writing, little references here and there, and the whole thing always ends in a smile (because how can I not smile when you and cats are involved).

(Fun fact, AS readers: all the photos in this article were taken by yours truly with my iPhone, which explains the questionable lighting and angles. We had borrowed a friend’s fancy camera but broken it (temporarily) within five minutes. So I took approximately 800 photos with my phone and the ensuing photo selection process ended in this tweet:

https://twitter.com/robonyong/status/526169888079888385

You’re welcome.)

Eight Ways I’ve Been Made to Feel About My Asian Eyes: It’s hard for me to have words about this piece because the words that you have in it are so much more — more everything — than what I could write here. They’re beautiful and brave, and harsh and confident and vulnerable, and they utterly floored me the first time I read this piece. While I do love these three articles equally I admire this one the most. Every time I read it I’m overwhelmed with the desire to just kiss your face all over (sort of like that dog in the last photo, but in a cute way not in a slobbery dog way because you know how I feel about dog slobber).

Audrey White, Contributing Editor

By: Dana, Her Pal

I met Audrey on the first day of Freshman Orientation at UT when she marched up to me in the stairwell, stuck out her hand, and said “Hi, I’m Audrey White, we’re friends on Facebook.” I remember spending the first days and weeks of our friendship marveling at her bravery and willingness to put herself out there without seeming to be self-conscious. In addition to being spontaneous and fun, Audrey also pinged my gaydar from the first day that we met, and I was surprised and a little disappointed to hear her call herself straight, a label that she kept until our senior year of college.

Over the years that I’ve known Audrey I’ve gotten to play a part in her becoming who she is today, which is why her piece “For All the Girls I Loved Before I Knew I Could,” is the one most dear to my heart. I read one of the first drafts of it she wrote, and I loved getting to hear about her self-discovery in her own voice and to learn things that I’d never known about my best friend. I was also incredibly proud of the response it received – watching it resonate with strangers on the internet and my own friends on my newsfeed was so touching. Most of all, I love the piece because it seems like something that the bold and closeted college freshman I met 6 years ago would be proud of herself for having written.

Brittani Nichols, Editor

Liz C., Her Good Friend/Ex-Girlfriend

I had a lot of picks because I love your writing but I remember Chester French’s “Black Girls” Video Might Make You Angry or Turn You On specifically because I was very into this music video even though it had its issues. You have the gift and ability to critically analyze pop culture in a way that does not preclude enjoyment while leaving the door open for real dialogue which I think is hard to do, especially on the internet.

Heather Hogan, Senior Editor

Jenn, Her Sister

I’m genetically predisposed to love everything Heather Anne writes, so much so that she could probably cut up a bunch of old copies of Cosmo, glitter-glue them to a sheet of construction paper, and hand it to me while demanding a ransom for my dog, and I’d be utterly charmed. So I guess take that for the caveat it is when I say that my favorite thing Heather has written for Autostraddle (and possibly my favorite thing she’s ever written ever) is Midnight in the Garden of Good And Evil. It’s brave, it’s authentic, and Heather’s soul laid bare. It’s not Emily Fields with GLASS IN HER HAIR, but it’s maybe the one thing on the internet that’s better.

Being Heather’s sister means I’ve not only gotten to watch her grow into herself as a writer, but also that I’ve had the immense and humbling experience of watching her grow into herself as a person, and Midnight is, to me, the culmination of all those hurts and all those fears and all those years of hard soul work. It makes me proud in the way only a sister can be.

Yvonne Marquez, Senior Editor

Gloria, Her Chiquita

La Virgen de Guadalupe: Brown Goddess in My Heart Forever: There’s something incredibly special about dating a Mestiza como yo. Yvonne and I both share similar struggles, jokes, language and a culture that is influenced by the image of La Virgen de Guadalupe. I was working in (cold) Philly when Yvonne published this piece and I remember before reading it I frantically ran down the stairs to see if I could catch a glimpse of a traditional procession celebrating the Virgen that I heard 20-something floors up in my hotel room. I didn’t get to see it and I felt sad about it. I questioned why I felt that way if I had long ago broken up with Catholic institution. It wasn’t until I read Yvonne’s personal essay that I gained the perspective that I was longing for. The feeling that I can still be an ex-Catholic queer Mestiza who claims La Virgen and all of her glories and imperfections because she has already claimed us and our love. Yvonne’s words about the Virgen made me feel at home the way I always feel when I’m with her. She reminded me that just like La Virgen — who continues to be one of the most powerful icons in our often machista culture, where the value of a woman is dependent on her connection to a man — our love is a radical miracle.

Rachel Kincaid, Managing Editor

By: Franklin, Her Husband

So this was sort of hard cause Rachel writes a lot of really dope news stories that offer concise and articulate breakdowns of current events; I’m thinking specifically of her articles after Mike Brown’s killer wasn’t indicted and her super baller response to John Aravosis. But there’re a couple of articles that allow her glorious Rachelness to shine through a bit more clearly: the one with all the Ciara videos and the one in which she talks about her eight favorite authors. I picked the latter because that story about her mom (who is also really great) telling her about Madeleine L’Engle’s death is the kind of beautiful personal sadness Rachel’s really good at writing about, and the former because hell yeah, Ciara.

Laneia Jones, Executive Editor

By: Megan, Her Fiancée

You Need Help: I Feel Like We Would Like You If We Met You: Laneia has this way of writing like she’s talking directly to you, and like you’re her best friend. When she tells Lorna to stop being such a bitch about herself, she’s saying more than just “stop being afraid” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself”, she’s really saying “HEY I LOVE YOU.” Laneia just loves everybody! It’s amazing and I can see how some people probably think it can’t be genuine, but it is. She genuinely loves you like you’re her best friend.

Should I Put Eggnog In My Coffee? Speaking of love, I love Laneia — I love how she’s particular about the way she folds towels, I love the way she talks to her kids, and I love that she makes the best tofu scrambles on the planet, but what I love most is that she’s hilarious. These captions are ridiculous. Her hilarity is the highlight of my day.

Bonnaroo 2014: A Photo Diary From the Guts of a Real Person & Admitting That You’re Home: She has so many feelings about Bonnaroo and Tennessee! I remember when I first met Laneia and she was going to Bonnaroo with Sarah Palmer. I thought she was the coolest and sometimes it’s still nuts to me that now I’m the one who gets to go with her. The way she talks about her family and her home in these posts is my favorite.

Riese Bernard, Editor-in-Chief

By: Abby, Her Twinkergirlfriend

I Feel You In My VLOG And I Don’t Even Know You: This is the first time I met Riese. A desktop computer in my living room, in the middle of the Midwest, in the middle of growing up. I had desperately taken on googling for any signs of life for a girl-who-liked-girls, and there she was – a blip on blogspot, about to change my life. She made me laugh. She made me laugh a lot. Her friends made me laugh too and not only did it all seem like so much more than a sign of life, but an entire life, and I don’t think I had ever seen anything foreign yet familiar at the same time.

Autoportrait 3.0: Riese wrote this a couple years later, when her blog and her website and her L Word Recaps were everywhere. As many of y’all surely know, her personal essays come armed with a heart and an arrow, and I don’t think I ever quite pulled the arrow out. Let’s just say it got really real.

Before You Know It, Something’s Over: Little did I know, someday I would get to know Riese, and even furthermore, I’d get to know Marie. As she dug out all her vital organs to write this, we talked a lot. About the essay, about anything. It always amazed me how many thoughts a tiny head could hold. She had a cat’s cradle of red strings from her blood-family to her Autostraddle family to people who have known her for years and years to people who may have just come across the site that day. To see someone be that brave, that strong — on a platform where millions of people could take any part or none at all — truly showed what a human can do with a tragedy, what an artist can do with a craft. She amazes me daily, but this blew me away.

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