16 Animal-Related Euphemisms For Cunnilingus

It seems to be a thing of some kind.

  1. barking at the ape
  2. bird washing
  3. gorilla in the washing machine
  4. growling at the badger
  5. munching the bearded clam
  6. clam lapping
  7. clam diving
  8. anything to do with clams, really
  9. pug noshing
  10. smoking the fur
  11. licking the beaver
  12. cleaning the cage out
  13. cleaning the fish tank
  14. monster munching
  15. eating squirrel
  16. kissing the Wookiee

All found in Outbursts!: A Gay and Lesbian Erotic Thesaurus, by A.D. Peterkin, and on cakeandcunnilingus.com.

Feature image via Shutterstock.


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Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Editor for Autostraddle.com. She is also a freelance editor and writer, and her work has appeared in Bitch, Nylon, The Toast, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

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18 Comments

      • Thumb up 22

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        okay, where does the gorilla come in, probably the gorilla will get really upset, does the gorilla know sign language? this seems cruel.

        • Thumb up 8

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          So this makes me the gorilla? Should I offended? But she’s the washing machine? So she should be more offended? Is there a Jane Goodall joke somewhere in here? Always confused.

        • Thumb up 8

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          Isn’t it the other way around? Wouldn’t you be the washing machine and she’d be the gorilla? Because of, well, circles? o___0
          But, yeah, why a gorilla? A Vause in a washing machine sounds better to me :3

        • Thumb up 15

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          If watching porn is an anthropological study, then I’ve got enough credits to receive my doctorate any day now.

  1. Thumb up 1

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    Shooting oysters? Snuggling the kitty? Meet n greet the monkey? What about just calling it diving for bivalves..? You know, some of these seem to refer to uh….furry parts…

  2. Thumb up 2

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    Wait, so I’m supposed to be barking at it? Is that effective? Actually, why would anyone even bark at an ape? I’m so confused.

  3. Thumb up 0

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    Well, that explains why I used to be so obsessed with that book about cave children when I was a kid. They used to… eat a lot of squirrels.

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