Some of My Best Friends Aren’t Gay: Summer 2012 Ally Roundup

My life is very gay. I live in a queer co-op in Jamaica Plain. I write for Autostraddle. My Netflix recommendations are all “Quirky Dark Romances Starring Various Alternative Lifestyle Haircuts.” Sometimes I zoom out for perspective and I see myself inside a giant queer soap bubble with extra rainbow sheen. Sometimes – somehow – I momentarily forget that straight people exist.

But they do, and some of them are awesome. These people are called allies, and they deserve to be recognized, and celebrated, because it takes a worthwhile person to work on behalf of a group he or she doesn’t belong to, and because they’ve been killing it lately. And after all, some of our best friends are allies! Without further ado, here’s a roundup of non-queer people who have recently used their various influences for the queerer good.

1. Musicians

Frank Ocean inspired an ocean of frank support; also a poem (via Beyonce)

Musicians make great allies because they tend to express themselves particularly well, and because they have that kind of charisma where they can forge intimate connections with individual fans and also rouse entire concert crowds into passionate frenzies (I would go to war for Gaga most days, but five minutes into her Monster Ball show I was mentally designing the meat armor). Madonna has been doing this lately, re-earning her status as an always-and-forever gay icon by handing out pink wristbands at her shows in order to publicly protest a proposed Moscow law that would fine people for “spreading homosexual propaganda.”

Ben Gibbard (of Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service; formerly married to Zooey Deschanel) wrote the first essay for McSweeneys’s “90 Days, 90 Reasons” Obama re-election initative, and he chose to talk about the President’s support for same-sex marriage, writing that “Marriage equality is undoubtedly the most important civil rights issue of our generation… we must elect a leader committed to being on the correct side of history.” His piece is endearing and to-the-point, and now I can almost forgive him for soundtracking the sad parts of all my high school roadtrips.

Even more endearing is this letter Fiona Apple wrote to a gay fan back in 2000, after he asked her for some comments for his high school’s Gay-Straight Alliance. He put the letter on his Tumblr in March, and in typical Fiona style, it is insightful and poetic and full of anaphora:

“If a good boy loves a good girl, good. If a good boy loves another good boy, good. And if a good girl loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation.”

if a good girl loves a good octopus, that’s more problematic

When Frank Ocean told Tumblr back in July about how his first love was a man, many musicians took the opportunity to give him and the gay community props, including Russell Simmons, Jamie Foxx, Action Bronson, Mac Miller, and Erykah Badu. Depending on what level you think they’re operating on, Odd Future either illustrated the inherent absurdity of making sexuality an issue at all with a well-thought-out extended metaphor, or they just wanted to talk about bagels. And the Carter/Knowles empire reaffirmed their support – Jay-Z posted a beautiful dream hampton essay on his website, Beyonce made a picture-poem, Solange tweeted and Blue Ivy likely gurgled in an exceptionally compassionate way.

2. Hollywood Types

sorry I thought this was the PETA awards meeting oh ha ha ha

Anderson Cooper’s coming out provided a similar opportunity for members of the entertainment industry – Mia Farrow, Joan Rivers, Tyra Banks, Jimmy Kimmel and Kelly Ripa and Cutrone all offered him virtual high fives. Meanwhile, Julianne Moore backed up her progressive artistic choices by denouncing the Boy Scouts of America’s anti-LGBT policies, as did Benicio del Toro. Ed Helms will no longer eat at that restaurant that we don’t talk about anymore (he tweeted, but I wish he had done this), Charlize Theron tweeted her support of National Marriage Equality Day and Josh Hutcherson became the youngest ever GLAAD Vanguard Award honoree for guarding a van his involvement with Straight But Not Narrow. Roseanne Barr, the first ever recipient of that very award, recently commented on the strength of her siblings’ gay relationships and is running for president on a platform that supports equal rights. Finally, in the Second Chance department, Brett Ratner is trying to make up for last year’s mistakes by filming a series of GLAAD PSAs featuring famous people “coming out” as allies, which makes him the most meta-ally on this list (hopefully all of the PSAs will look like Rush Hour). Onscreen media has enormous power to influence the public consciousness, including perceptions of queer people. The more members of that industry who are vocal about supporting LGBT rights, the better, even if all they do is tweet.

3. Athletes

Hudson Taylor wrestles down marginalization {via}

Although our throats are worn out from cheering for gay Olympians and more gay Olympians, we can quietly appreciate some sporty allies. There are still surprisingly few out athletes, which is too bad, because athletes make fantastic role models and stereotype-crushers, and the physical barriers they break can change history – think of Jesse Owens at the Berlin Olympics, or Bobbi Gibb sneaking into the Boston Marathon in 1966, six years before women were officially allowed to run. Increased presence of allies at all levels could make the sports world – with its pervasive sexism, gender policing and notoriously scary locker rooms – a more welcoming place, and help change it from the inside.

Hudson Taylor, a former University of Maryland wrestler and theater major, found some major discrepencies between his two main environments while he was in school. In response, he started Athlete Ally, an organization dedicated to helping coaches, players, and fans “respect all individuals involved in sports.” They’re currently teaming up with GLAAD to lead LGBT-friendliness training sessions for every single NFL, MLB, MLS, NBA, WNBA and NHL team

Increased presence of athletic allies can help us avoid future South of Nowhere locker room situations.

The blog OutSports found that many athletes are way ahead of the game when a strategically placed red carpet reporter interviewed attendees at the ESPYs last month. The site also has an interview with Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe, who is actively opposing the proposed Minnesota same-sex marriage ban via radio ads. In a recent Q&A, Australian rugby player David Pocock talked about his decision to not to marry his fiancee until gay marriage is legal in his country, telling the audience “I really think the debate about equal rights and marriage really has to move forward and can’t be used as a political football,” and winning the Charming Sports Metaphor award in the process. Former NFL star Doug Christie and his wife Jackie are already married, but they decided to renew their vows in a gay bar in order to “bring attention to the gay community” and marriage inequality. And over in London, carbon-calved wonder Oscar Pistorius just plain old loves his gay fans: “heard some guy shout out, ‘Oh you sexy beauty!’ ” Pistorius said. “It’s moments like this that you just have to step back and go, ‘Wow, I’ve been blessed by the Lord.'”

4. Capitalists

priceless family moments are now gay

The corporate world is getting in on the act too, with certain companies embracing inclusive advertising, and some CEOs using their influential positions and gazillions of dollars for good. JC Penney blazed the trail with their recent Two Moms/Two Dads ads and catalog shots, and now Amtrak has unrolled its “Ride with Pride” campaign, featuring their own Double Mom/Double Dad ads, a website with destination recommendations (e.g. “Martha’s Vineyard is extremely gay-friendly… some enjoyable pursuits include exploring the Aquinnah (“Gay Head”) cliffs”), and a hastily photoshopped rainbow blaze logo.) Amtrak has done this because “Simply put, our business diversity philosophy means commitment to ensuring our company embraces a culture of respect and appreciation for differences and similarities of all people.” Even more simply put, the Jim Henson corporation ended its partnership with that restaurant we’re still not talking about and CEO Lisa Henson has donated all the money they earned from that partnership to GLAAD.

Bert and Ernie: no longer sleeping with the enemy, still not sleeping with each other.

After a personal entreaty by unfairly ousted scout leader and activist Jennifer Tyrrell, the CEOs of AT&T and Ernst & Young are using their clout as Boy Scouts of America board members to try to overturn the organization’s discriminatory policies. Dreamworks Animation CEO Jeffrey Katzenberg and his wife Marilyn are set to receive this years’ GLSEN Lifetime Achievement Award in October for their work promoting acceptance in classrooms, and probably for making Chicken Run, which presciently denounced poultry-based fast food establishments. Meanwhile, CEO Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie recently donated $2.5 million to Washington United for Marriage, making Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer’s $100,000 donations seem puny. It’s no secret that the motivations behind these corporate decisions aren’t entirely pure, but it’s hard not to be happy when capitalist consequences end up favoring us.

5. Regular Folks

{via The New Yorker}

Last and most, there’s the rest of the world. Regular-people allies make me happier than musical, screen-based, athletic and corporate allies combined, and due to the approaching elections and the many recent polarizing events, lately they’ve become fantastically loud. Boy Scouts are turning in their medals left and right. My facebook newsfeed is chock full of anti-discrimination infographics getting indiscriminately passed around. It’s hard to open a local or a national paper without reading a letter to the editor by an eloquent and supportive parent, or an op-ed by a former religious conservative who has seen the light, or a story about a 40-year-old gay man who convinced his Republican father to be an ally on election day. These are the ones I like best. In the end, the point of celebrity allies is to encourage non-celebrity allies, to spread knowledge and compassion until “ally” isn’t even a word anymore, because it’s just assumed. But until then, I’m proud of our allies, and I hope they keep coming out.

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Cara is a former contributing editor for Autostraddle and a current staff writer at Atlas Obscura. She lives in Somerville with her girlfriend, their roommate, and a cat who can flush the toilet, and is generally thinking about gender, sustainable biodiversity, and/or rock & roll music. You can follow her on twitter @cjgiaimo if you want.

Cara has written 113 articles for us.


  1. Feelings:

    1. You live in a queer co-op in the Jamaica Plains??? Can you write an article about what that’s like? :)

    2. “If a good boy loves a good girl, good. If a good boy loves another good boy, good. And if a good girl loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation.”

    yes. this should be made into a poster.

    3. but girl, why you discriminating against octopuses(octopi?). What’d they ever do to you??

  2. My straight mom and stepdad were the people who initially made it clear to me that homophobia was wrong, wrong, wrong, back when everybody else in my conservative hometown was trying to tell me otherwise. So yippee for awesome allies!

      • Ditto that ditto!
        I feel so incredibly lucky to have so many allies in my life, but the most important ones of all are my parents, without whom I would be in a very different situation (not just…not alive, but y’know…)

        I wish as many straight people knew how much we appreciate their support…
        Then, maybe more would be allies.

    • Sadly, I didn’t realize that my parents WERE homophobic until I turned out to be a dyke. Then I realized how close-minded they really were. Admittedly, tensions have eased in the ensuing years, but it still hurts

  3. True fact: for whatever reason, really staunch allies make me cry. Especially PFLAG parents. I try to avoid other people’s eyes when I see them in Pride parades because Pride is supposed to be for debauchery, not tears. That New Yorker picture up there? Despite the fact that those are just little cartoon moms and dads and not even real people: tears. So many happy tears.

  4. 2. Rewrite: to pretend Fiona Apple wrote to me in high school…

    If a good girl loves a good boy, good. If a good girl loves another good girl, good. And if a good boy loves the goodness in good boys and good girls, then all you have is more goodness, and goodness has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

  5. sometimes some of those allies think that they’re just really REALLY passionate and committed allies for about 10 years before realising that they’re actually pretty gay

    or maybe that’s just me?

    ANYHOW, those ACTUAL allies are the best thing ever, and i’m happy to know that my friends and many of my family members call themselves allies :’)

    • “sometimes some of those allies think that they’re just really REALLY passionate and committed allies for about 10 years before realising that they’re actually pretty gay
      or maybe that’s just me?”

      replace gay with bi and you have me, too

    • Co-signed.

      In 2000 I supported Al Gore from the minute I learned he/ his party was for same-sex rights and marriage. Ten years old at the time, didn’t know any gay people, NBD.

    • I was super passionate about gay rights… and then I had my first conscious crush on a girl and realized I was bi. That would explain why I nearly started crying during a debate about gay marriage.

    • “sometimes some of those allies think that they’re just really REALLY passionate and committed allies for about 10 years before realising that they’re actually pretty gay”


    • Word. Mega ally x10, protesting with my queer buddies, supporting one of the first GSA’s in Vancouver, pride parades, helping friends come out, going to queer dance parties… waaaaiiiittt… why do I want that girl to think I’m queer? Waaaiiitt… why do I always want to talk to that queer homo gay lady whenever she comes to my desk at work… waaaiiittt, why do I want to kiss girls? And sleep with them? [that moment at the end of the Usual Suspects when it all comes together in one’s mind…]

      Oh. I’m queer too.

      • god yes, wish it’d been sooner before i realised that HEY, maybe it’s not just that i want these ladies with alternative haircuts to get me into more volunteer work, i may also want to…uh, volunteer in their pants?

        • “hi, my name is dizzy and i was wondering if your great um cause could use an extra pair of hands?”

    • Add me to the list. I remember actively yelling at my classmates in Jr High when “That’s so gay” first started being used.

    • My favorite memory of middle school is people looking at my lunch table full of straight allies strangely because we were singing “If You Were Gay” from Avenue Q so loudly.

      Ten years later two of us are queer and the rest are theatre majors.

  6. These captions. Cara, these captions are so funny.

    Also, David Pocock is my imaginary rugby boyfriend. He’s an amazing player and Wallabies captain, of course, but he totally gets me by posting his vegetable garden pictures on instagram and talking about Bon Iver. The QandA he was on was intense.

  7. Not to be that nitpicky person, but I think you should correct the spelling of “fiancee” in this sentence: “In a recent Q&A, Australian rugby player David Pocock talked about his decision to not to marry his fiance until gay marriage is legal in his country”

    You used the masculine form, which to me implies that David Pocock is engaged to a man…and defeats the purpose of his ally-status by not marrying a woman in a legal ceremony in his own country.

    • Thanks Paper0Flowers! I actually did not know there were two separate spellings! i probably would have botched that way more times.

      • No problem! It’s a French word, so if a noun can be applied specifically to either (linguistic) gender, both (linguistic) gender will have different spellings.

  8. “a person who loves is a righteous person”

    TRUTH (also, I splorfled when I saw the octopus).

  9. Lady Gaga isn’t straight (she’s had relationships with women), neither is Madonna (she’s at least had sex with several women, if you read one of the biographies about her). So I guess they’re just awesome queer persons, not allies. Or?

    • THIS. It’s never ok to erase people’s queerness by referring to them solely as allies without any qualification on what you’re actually saying. It happens to femme women a lot, especially those of us attracted to more than one gender. Constant vigilance! :P

      • Hey! I wasn’t counting Gaga as an ally in this post, just mentioning her anecdotally. I didn’t know that about Madonna and will keep it in mind for future ally roundups. No intentional queerness erasure here, just lack of knowledge. Thanks for pointing it out!

        • Yeah, and I wanted to thank you for that! I get really frustrated when others count Gaga as an ally rather than as a member of the LGBT community herself. Sorry some people misconstrued what you said.

  10. I only really have straight friends. Well up until a few months ago I did. In our school coming out wasn’t the done thing then went I went to university I just happened to make friends with straight people. I don’t think sexual orientation should come into it at all sometimes. Really liked this piece and can really relate to it :)

  11. Most of my friends are straight, and have been amazing allies to myself and to those in the larger community. Thanks for highlighting the great,supportive, straight people :)

  12. I just got home from a weekend camping with the Girl Scout troop I lead and was feeling very frustrated/closeted (and angry about the Boy Scouts, which is a way I get sometimes). This article was the perfect pick-me-up. Thanks, Cara!

  13. All my Smith friends are posting this, Cara. You’ve hit the big times. ;) Love, A Proud member of the Day St. Queer Co-Op.

  14. Wondering if my ‘straight’ friends are straight ’cause I don’t understand fluidity past my own sexuality. #Firstworldproblems

  15. I hate to be a downer because most of this is awesome, but I am the opposite of a fan of Josh Hutcherson for his little, “sexuality doesn’t matter, stop labelling things, stop talking about it!” speech, that is bad ally talk.

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