This past week has been oh so so sweet. With our February Calendar Girl and our Valentine’s Day style guide, there’s plenty of eye-candy to go around. We also have 60 More NSFW Lesbian Sexy Turn-Ons and a Television Free-For-All to satisfy some of your other cravings.
Speaking of things that are freakin’ sweet, Riese’s “Why Taylor Swift Offends Little Monsters, Feminists, and Weirdos” article grabbed the internet by its collar and shook some sense into readers everywhere! As if Jezebel’s write-up wasn’t awesome enough, Alex’s fabulous infographic went VIRAL on BuzzFeed, and we have over 500 comments! That’s a really big number, you little monsters – so big, it warrants it’s very own edition of HDYSTC!
That’s right, I’m working the Saturday shift to bring you a second round of awards. (I do this out of a love for you so pure, it makes Taylor Swift weep atop her majestic ivory tower.) As for this first round of awards… It’s pretty damn sweet, too. Every comment is a little gift, and you gave us a fuck ton of gifts this week. Like a glutton, I’ve sampled every morsel in our heart-shaped box of comments to find you the tastiest of all:
Extra-Flamey Award to Elise on Hey Did You See That Comment WTF? Week:
“Victorian lesbians *and* lesbian superheroes? I am glad I am not a Buffy vampire cursed with a soul by gypsies, because you have just given me a moment of PERFECT HAPPINESS.”
On Technostraddle: Batman vs. Spiderman Smackdown!:
Gotham City Welcomes You Award to Andie: “you made me change my mind about spiderman/batman. my life has been altered in ways i never thought possible.”
Situational Comedy Award to TSwizzle:
#firstworldproblems Award to Dina on Mass Effect 2’s Gay Hullabaloo: “I don’t care, BioWare, I’m still cranky that my FemShep can’t get it on with the crazy biotic chick with the shaved head (I MEAN COME ON).”
Seduction Technique Award to Lindsey P: “GAH. that girl kills me a little bit. (Call me!)”
Party Foul Award to Christine:
“I feel like there’s an age range where being shittered at a party, and walking in to somebody taking up the bathroom, the shower/tub totally becomes fair game. No? Just me?”
On Lady Gaga & Cyndi Lauper Talk Safe Sex on Good Morning America:
Downward Spiral Award to Vikki:
“No. It would end badly. The entire country would think he was trying to be a smarty pants and she would end up winning and, after her inauguration, I would have to move to Portugal where I would become a drunk because the wine is SO good there and then I would lose my job (doing whatever the hell I would be qualified to do in a language I can’t comprehend) and my girlfriend would leave me because of the drinking and my new ne’er do well persona and I would have to move back to the US and I’d be lonely and broke and Palin would STILL be the president which would lead to more drinking but I’d have to drink really cheap wine from a box and I’d then loathe both my country and myself. See. Nothing good would come of it.”
Life After People Award to Roxy2: “I think Palin winning the presidency was what the Mayans meant by end of the world in 2012.”
Major Exception Award to Sally on Alex’s Team Pick: Learn Something Every Day:
“I don’t think having ducks watching you would be too bad, except for when they get all gang-rapey during mating.”
It’s a Love Story – Baby, Just Say Yes Award to okayauco on Valentine’s Day Style:
Daily Motivation Routine Award to lizzie on Autostraddle Calendar Girls: Julia is Miss February:
“Good morning, oh look it’s Raining, but oh look there’s a Really Hot Girl In Lacy Underwear on Autostraddle. Everything’s going to be ok.”
Dreams/Hymens ARE ALL WE HAVE Award to wasteunit on What is Google Buzz?:
“I clicked on this article with the hope that I could finally use my ‘buzz kill’ joke. I’ve been waiting for just the right moment. I thought, “You’ll totally throw ‘buzz kill’ out there and everyone will love you. Everyone will think you’re so cool and witty. Your life is looking up!” I read and read. “Great! She hasn’t said it! This Is Your Time For Greatness.” Then BAM! right at the end it’s there, and my dreams were crushed.”
‘Vaginae’, If You Please Award to DemiArianna on Florida’s Mulleted Lesbians & Top 10 Reasons DADT Rocks!: “Am I the only person wondering what the fuck two vaginas look like?!”
Teenage Kicks Award to Julia from MI on Turn Your Televisionary On:
“This tidbit gives greater substance to my intense love for Sam McPherson. Like, willing to accept all of her flaws including her matte lipstick collection and tendency to jump to conclusions before getting all the facts despite wanting to be a journalists kinda love.
Man, did my 13 yr old self want to make out with her. And maybe feel her up a little bit.”
Out of Context/Control Award to JentheJew on NSFW Sunday: 60 More Lesbian Sexy Turn-Ons: “This is probably why I am turned on by girls that drink too much and yell at the neighbor’s cats.”
On 61% of New Lesbian & Gay Couples Met Online:
Autostraddle is for Lovers Award to Debs:
“if meeting on the internet is what i need to do to get a date, i’m going to be in big trouble. the majority of my time on the internet is spent reading autostraddle and checking my email. fml.”
Romeo, Take Me Somewhere We Can Be Alone Award to soapbox:
“I like to hold on to my fantasy of meeting a beautiful girl at a museum or a bookstore where I dazzle her with my breadth and depth of knowledge and she swoons to the point of fainting then I catch her and then we will live happily ever after.”
Unfortunately bcw is on vacation and therefore we are unable to give a “bcw award for bcw”
I will accept this bcw award to bcw for bcw on behalf of the absent bcw.
Come find me after the show bcdubs, maybe i’ll let you have it back. JUST KIDDING MINE ALL MINE@
a bunny tried to bite me last night. after biting 2 other people, it got a taste for human flesh and it tried to climb all up on my neck and i was like, hell no bunnicula. how is this relevant, you ask? like the bunny last night, your cute avatar belies a razor sharp wit and perhaps a thirst for blood, i’m not quite sure yet. you, sir/madam/other, are quite commendable.
I CANNOT AWARD A PHANTOM LAWN GNOME.
Nice try, but that comment was stolen from a lesbian board in the confessions thread.
Nah, I didn’t steal it. I posted the comment over on the other board too. But kudos to you for noticing.
Didn’t you hear? Recycling is all the rage now.
ugh i am such a hopeless romantic but a closet hopeless romantic. oops I just outed myself. great.
welcome to the club.
Every time I get one of these awards, I do a little dance, and write down what it was an what the award was called on this piece of paper on my bulletin board. How sad does that make me, on a scale of one to ten?
I think that’s a v positive attitude! Personally, I am now concerned that having been in HDYSTC two weeks running, I will be debilitated by fear of the inevitable tumble from the pinnacle of comment recognition and thus rendered mute.
This makes a month for me. I am also terrified that one day I will be deemed unfunny, and it will start my inevitable dive into alcohol-fueled lunacy, and then they will try to make me go to rehab, but I will say no no no.
when that happens we’ll probably laugh as well. Granted, not with you, just at you but whatevs.
You two must run witty comment factory together, because both of you delivered mass quantities of winning quotes. (OMG you could be Lucy & Ethel working the conveyor belt — it even fits this week’s chocolate theme!)
I take a screen shot and send it to all my friends. They don’t read Autostraddle. They’re straight. They don’t care. MY LIFE IS WICKED AWESOME.
AHaha I love this idea.
They don’t read Autostraddle? THESE DO NOT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS!
Yaaay! I win because my BioWare comment is TRUTH.
I especially liked how ADAMANT you were about the truth.
Because you here at Autostraddle love lists (as much as i do, it seems!) I thought you might be interested to see these. I just bought the Music one and it’s fantastic and wonderful. If you were my girlfriend, Autostraddle, I’d get you one of these for Valentine’s Day. It’d be awesome.
Ooh pretty lists!
I think it would be good if todo lists came with a whip-wielding dominatrix attached to make you actually do stuff on them. But then I can’t think of anything that couldn’t be improved by coming with a dominatrix.
One day I will win a comment award. There’s nothing like being validated by the internet to raise ones self esteem.
There is nothing like giving awards on the internet to raise one’s sense of POWER!
I still need to see these vaginae.
Sooo today was my friend’s 21st bday and we happened to have a moment of downtime at her house and I decided to show her Autostraddle and didn’t know where to start for her introduction and was like ooooh HDYSTC! Those are always the best! And so I go on and I’m like OMGOMGBESTDAYOFMYLIFEish…kinda… I got my first ever comment award!! and I can’t tell if she has time to read it and then she’s all like “oh did you write that?” and I remember “waita second, for some reasons I just cannot get through my head [not even my first layer of skin for that matter], she is a lover of the Palin.” And I freak out and have to close the AS tab to save us a massive, heated politics discussion that leads to nowhere on her birthday. I contained my excitement and didn’t comment and cried inside but I just got home and had to express my gratefulness. I guess there’s not much of a moral to this story, but thanks AS and thanks Mayans (sry the future seemed grim)! Palin 2012 FTL!
Awesome! This validates me more than a diploma ever could.