“2020 has been full of unexpected plot twists but Mel and Sue teaming up as contract killers has got to be up there.”

“I have never been as concerned about our community as I am to hear that pool sex came in 8th place instead of 1st.”

“I’d facepalm, but I can’t touch my face.”

“I don’t wear a lot of sports apparel, but petty lesbians might just change that.”

“Nudes With Friends, the bafflingly popular sequel to Words With Friends.”

“Cheryl Blossom wasn’t in this episode because she was at a fashion show with Hannah Marin and her girlfriend.”

“I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’VE RECLAIMED CHERRY CHAPSTICK!”

“Who else saw Janelle Monáe in that flower outfit and wanted to watch things BURN?”

“Somewhere, a Carol fan with editing skills and YouTube account is losing their mind right now.”

“I made a little poem. ‘Rebecca and Tess? YES.'”

“Della Champagne the gender-yeeting tarantula sounds like a queer icon, tbh.”

“…Everyone is happy and has regular and satisfying tent sex.”

“The soft look in Gigi’s eyes in the kitchen scene…I’d give her whatever she wanted.”

“IT’S HAPPENING!!! MY THREEWAY POLY PARENTING NIGHTMARE HAS BEGUN AND I AM A L I V E”

“On my nightstand: three empty beer bottles, 14 books piled in a stack that’s threatening to turn over in the night and murder me in my sleep, a candle that is supposed to smell like vanilla but is maybe more like candy corn, a matchbook from an Ybor strip club…”

“I made you a sex bench! Now, who’s going to stain it?”

“I, for one, would like to know what became of Sounder 2.”

“It’s ok…I’m sure Dawn would’ve won if this were a mud-wrestling competition.”

“What if I told you the overprocessing was coming from inside the house?”

“I gotta say, if you wanna have sex in six minutes, you should not spend the first 4.5 minutes unbuttoning all the buttons in both of your dresses!”