Lesbians, this has not been our week. The Real L Word premiered, and we hated it. Nicki Minaj redacted her bisexuality, Miley Cyrus keeps on fake-lesbian kissing everyone and I had to do research on Danielle Staub. At least Anna Paquin said some reassuring things about her sexuality, otherwise we’d just shut this place down.

It’s finally happening: Ellen Page is going to play a real live lesbian on the big screen. We take a deeper look at the story behind her lesbian debut in Freeheld and analyze her former roles where she wasn’t gay, but still warmed our gay hearts.

Adam Lambert’s got tour dates OMG OMG OMG! Tegan & Sara have a new video where they shop at the store, Ke$ha is done with boys boys boys, Lady Gaga a capella, Sarah McLachlan talks “no label” sexuality, Candy Slice Girls are funny!

The history of lesbian closeting in Hollywood — and why, even today, so many lesbians prefer to stay in the closet. Also a Desperate Housewives lesbian storyline mini-cap, Tila Tequila’s Australian karaoke, an amazing Taylor Swift parody and Lindsay Lohan’s new interview.

L Magazine’s gender-bending photoshoot features Nicole Pacent of Anyone But Me, sidenote new ep of Anyone But Me! Adam Lambert calls the shots and the shots are “theatrical, out there” and “proud to be gay.” Also; Lady Gaga in 3D, lesbian werewolf movie, Chloe Sevigny’s Big Gay Interview, Anderson Cooper’s boyfriend IRL, The Princess and the Frog goes gender-neutral, Jason Mraz/Elton John, Sean Hayes/Kristin Chenoweth and more!

Apparently the gay agenda isn’t working today ’cause no one wants to be a lesbian BUT who cares, This American Life’s 2002 ep about how homos aren’t crazy is streaming online this week! Also; homophobia in African-American churches, Johnny Weir on “That’s Gay!”, the upside of depression, Caster Semenya is not the real Middlesex, Clay Aiken’s HRC speech FTW, Crystal Renn interviewed, “Bro-etry,” 10 Reasons to Avoid the Phone and more!

Ellen DeGeneres invites Constance McMillen to her show and Cat Cora speaks out to support Constance. No one believes the guy who says he booked Adam Lambert & Lady Gaga for a launch party at the local park. Johnny Weir is a tough man to track down, are Glambert & Gaga performing together, Tina Fey in Esquire magazine, a new lesbian sci-fi flick, The Real L Word sets a debut date, Ellen Von Unwerth’s lesbo-sexy music video, Jennifer Coolidge, Kathy Griffin and Ugly Betty’s gay kiss.

Oscars 2010 “Live-Blog”/Open Thread with Autostraddle! Plus we make up for a year without film coverage by giving you our opinion on the 2010 Oscar Nominees! Get out your laptop, there will be lots of gay people, but no Jay Manuel.

Sara’s adorable interview with the Boston Globe and Tegan & Sara’s new Alligator video (dancing in winter coats!). Also; Kathy Griffin’s SVU guest spot has her lesbian lusting for Olivia Benson (REALLY!), Lady Gaga & RedOne in the studio, “We Have to Stop Now” photoshoot, Ewan McGregor’s gay sex w/Jim Carrey, ANTM’s maybe-lesbian, GLAAD honors Wanda Sykes & Scary Spice gets alternative lifestyle haircut.

Glaad says Valentine’s Day is secretly gay, The Real World DC mini-recap, Out Media’s $10K contest for college queers (you could win!), Modern Family’s gay dad interviewed, Rihanna heats bisexual rumors, Porita behind-the-scenes, Gaga & Cyndi Lauper continue their talk show tour and talk about their gay followings, Ellen will be dancing on TV for 3 more years, best Single Ladies parody ever, LiLo misses her flight, Melissa Etheridge’s new album, and Janeane Garofalo dream job on 30 Rock.

Bisexual Lindsay Lohan wants to get back together with Sam, but is now sticking to the “Sam is the only girl I ever liked” storyline. We know it’s just a story, but we explain why it matters that they’re making her tell it. Gaga exemplifies the modern age with her stardom. Natalie Portman is working on a female stoner comedy. Oh, and we shamelessly ask you to vote for us in some contests!

Much ado about actresses surviving the ordeal of lesbian kisses — why do these confessions make headlines? Autostraddle & the ladies of AfterEllen weigh in. Also; Lindsay Lohan looks cute again!, Andy Warhol’s TV show, more GLEE guests (NPH!), Law & Order SVU features Mischa Barton and a legitimately hilarious Golden Globes wardrobe breakdown.

Jennifer Beals shares tips for heavenly living, we play photohunt! Sundance darling The Kids Are Alright features Annette Bening and Julianne Moore playing a lesbian couple, Tracy Ullman does Rachel Maddow and Lady Gaga raises $ for Haiti. Bring it On has so many straight-to-video sequels, why is it such a smash hit? Plus, is indie dead? Will anyone agree to be in a Real L Word scene besides the cast? Will Queen Latifah adopt a child or three from Haiti?

Adam Lambert talks to Oprah about higher powers, being a homo & having no regrets, goes shopping on Melrose and performs (and Queerty doesn’t like it). There’s a new book about lesbians throughout history. Nerve has a list of 10 child stars you probably want to do now that they’re legal. Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker will have more gays this year. And Tim Tebow has filmed a commercial for Focus on the Family.

Happy New Year! Happy Palindrome Day! They’re giving “The Babysitters Club” a makeover and not the Claudia kind! Are you still hung over? Would it make you feel better to see pictures of Lilo in a bikini? Also: New Hampshire midnight marriages, Megan Fox’s feelings about kissing girls, and LESBIAN TEACHER SEX BRAWLS.

Out lesbian actresses Jill Bennett & Cathy DeBuono speak out for the first time on leaving AfterEllen, mainstream fame in Hollywood, the story behind popular rumors, avoiding the lesbian urge to merge and being big fish in the small “celesbian” pond.

Here’s our roundup of the biggest, best, and worst events for gay people in 2009.

Adam Lambert brings his Mom and his vocals to The Early Show. Complex magazine has ground its brains together and come up with 10 “eligible bachelorettes” for Rosie O’Donnell like Tila Tequila and Leisha Hailey, but forgets to fact-chek. Eric Stoltz wants you to watch “Anyone But Me”‘s second season starting December 15th! Also; Fergie dishes on bi past, and Lady Gaga’s nip-slip.

Courtney Semel will grace the December cover of Curve magazine asking “Is she the most wanted lesbian in Hollywood?” (ahem) Also; Adam Lambert’s album is streaming online, Paris Hilton is looking for Kate Moennig on Twitter while watching TLW, Ro&Kelli aren’t giving up the business, Lindsay Lohan created a TV show, vintage Gaga, Autostraddle interviews Jill Bennett & Cathy DeBuono. ETA Carmen Electra lesbian sex tape leaked.

Autostraddle looks at the best costumes ever, with inspiration from queers and their friends — Buffy, Lindsay Lohan, Carlytron & Robin, Ellen DeGeneres, My So-Called Life, The L Word and more!