Let’s be real here, it has not been a great week for lesbian media visibility. I mean, we’ve seen some. Lesbians. They’ve been visible, but it’s not good stuff like groundbreaking television or Cynthia Nixon coming out; it’s just like annoying gossipy ridiculous stuff, like Miley Cyrus’ continued pursuit of wtf and Katy Perry’s random feelings on stupid topics.
This is the dumb stuff. We get this pileup of dumb stuff and then we have to TELL YOU ABOUT IT, LIKE IDIOTS, because that’s our job, I guess. Maybe we want to be punished. Or maybe we just want to talk about books and art and politics and feelings. Are you coming to our party this weekend?
THIS WEEK IN LESBIANISM:
Tuesday, June 22:
+ Lindsay Lohan is pissed at her friend/alleged lesbian lover Indrani who said the following during an interview for Double Exposure, which premieres tonight on Bravo.
“This couldn’t be more UNTRUE,” Lindsay tweeted, pointing to a synopsis of the premiere episode in which Lindsay is supposedly a “no-show” to her own photoshoot. “Sucks when ‘friends’ use you (in this case for ratings) even if they’re lying #karma.”
No one should be mean to our girl, everyone leave Lohan alone. K?
Lindsay Lohan and Indrani were rumored girlfriends not too far back, which Indrani was all too eager to talk to OUT Magazine about:
OUT: …we want to know what is going on with you and Lindsay Lohan.
Indrani: I was very excited about shooting Lindsay. I’ve said that before, and it’s grown into a bigger story. I think she’s extremely attractive and intelligent. I think she has huge potential. I think she’s totally misunderstood. She’s someone I got to know, and I enjoy the time we spend together.
There’s never some smoke without some fire. There are pictures out there of us. We definitely have a lot of things there. It’s not the way things are being portrayed. Even my family in India has been questioned about me being a lesbian.
OUT: Are you a lesbian?
Indrani: I think everyone is bisexual. Society pushes us in one direction, but we get attracted to different people. I think attraction is constantly changing. I think it’s one of the beautiful things in life. There are so many possibilities. For me, sexuality is a very raw and powerful thing. It can happen anywhere, and it’s magic when you do fall in love.
OUT: Are you in love with Lindsay?
Indrani: Lindsay is someone I find incredibly special. I tend to gush about her because I do think she’s pretty terrific. There are so many more important questions in the world like what’s going on with the oil spill or what’s going on with our government invading various countries. Yes, it’s fun, but people want to be distracted.
+ Lori Michaels & Real Housewife Dannielle Staub are girlfriends — Hey lesbians what’s up, have you heard of Lori Michaels? Probs, that chick is like at every lez event ever and is very good-looking. She dances, has hot girls around her, etc.:
Anyhow, so Lori Michaels, this lesbian who we know, is now dating someone named Danielle Staub, who I guess the rest of the world knows. She’s been on, I believe, The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
Lori Michaels used to be dating a hairdresser also named Lori:
But now she’s moved onto Greener Pastures as Danielle Staub & Girlfriend Lori Michaels made the front page of The Huffington Post:
“Thank you everyone for supporting me with love and kindness in my song “Real Close” bless my gf Lori Michaels,” she wrote.
PREVIOUSLY: Real Housewife of New Jersey Danielle Staub debuted her single ‘Real Close’ on Bravo’s ‘Watch What Happens Live’ Monday night. She also suggested she and singer-songwriter Lori Michaels are more than duet partners.
After Danielle and Lori performed the “tortured lullaby,” cooing to each other while gazing into each other’s eyes, Danielle nuzzled into Lori’s shoulder. Host Andy Cohen asked Danielle whether she and Lori (who is a lesbian) are together, which is probably the exact reaction Danielle wanted. She refused to comment and started stroking Lori’s hair.
In another part of the segment Danielle mentioned she has made no money off of her sex tape, bemoaning the fact that it was shot before her boob job revision. Maybe coming out will help sales? Is Danielle a new lesbian or just a prostitution whore?
Firstly “just a prostitution whore” is repetitive. Like get a dictionary, and then a thesaurus, and after you get that thesaurus, re-check your work to makes sure you don’t use 10 synonyms in a row, especially when one of them is a slur against sex workers.
Secondly, I love the idea implied here that some people act like lesbians because they’re “prostitution whores.”
Thirdly, I just really hate slurs against sex workers and am appalled that the language remains so popular. “Whore” is not a word you should use in an anti-sex-worker context. Get yerself educated, fuckwads.
Fourthly, I’ve wasted the last 20 minutes of my life discovering who the fuck Danielle Staub is, and now I’m bitter, especially ’cause I had to wade through a lot of shit, which also used great words like “crackwhore.” So she’s recently leaked a sex tape that she claimed would outsell Kendra Wilkinson’s, who was on another show. Our feelings about the Kendra tape are explained here (we haven’t seen it): Why the Kendra Wilkinson Sex Tape Should Make You Angry.
Knowing nothing about this woman, is it possible she has just been overcompensating all this time for the fact that she really is a lesbian?
On Monday’s “Watch What Happens Live,” Staub performed her new single “So Close” with “lesbian superstar” Lori Michaels – and either we’ve had a little too much Benadryl lately or it was a pretty damn respectable live performance.
+ Kylie Minongue: This just in! Breaking news about Kylie Minogue’s desire to swap spit with ladies:
Kylie Minoque admitted that he would kiss with Angelina Jolie, chosen on several occasions as the most beautiful woman in the world, with Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox, with whom she has even dreamed of kissing on the lips.
Oh yeah, also Lindsay Lohan is going to pose nude again for something, which is actually awesome, but I’m sure everyone will talk shit about it, as per ushe.
Monday, June 21:
+ Miley Cyrus performs live at The House of Blues in Los Angeles for a packed house, as this oddly-worded review recounts:
[Miley Cyrus] showed that she was little ruffled by all the controversies her lesbian smooch at Britain’s Got Talent generated. She fake-kissed one female dancer from the stage, but she was not in a mind to wholly frustrate the boys either. So she kissed (fake-kissed, of course) a male dancer, too.
+ Megan Fox exists to proliferate “Megan Fox bisexual” search engine winners for entertainment news websites. This week, she told everyone that she wants to be lesbian [Sarah] Rainmaker in Gen 13 “if they ever made that into a movie”:
Fox says that she identifies with Rainmaker—an Apache girl who discovers that she has the ability to manipulate the weather with her mind, and who escapes from a government testing facility with a similarly superpowered group of grunge-era teens—because “she’s a Native American, and I have a little bit of that blood in me,” … Not mentioned in the interview is the fact that Sarah Rainmaker is a lesbian, which is surprising given how much Megan Fox usually likes to talk about kissing girls. But we suppose that’s just accepted as read at this point.
+ Katy Perry continues pissing us off while discussing kissing girls, as we discussed in Katy Perry Don’t Mind It When Rihanna Kisses Girls:
“Remember when we listened to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” and Rihanna’s “Te Amo” and compared them in terms of a) tolerability and b) homosexiness and c) recognition of and/or commodification of queer women? I bet you thought it was going to end there, but no! Instead we have this video of Katy Perry herself talking about Rihanna and “Te Amo,””
+ The Real L Word debuts. And it is terrible and ruining our lives because it takes forever to write recaps and our editor hated it so much she can barely even do it.
+ Nicki Minaj redacts her previously confirmed bisexuality.
It’s not all bad news, though!
Anna Paquin has opened up about her sexuality in a new SELF cover story, saying “I’ve probably always known I was bisexual. I’m really lucky; I grew up in an open-minded, supportive family, so my sexuality was never stigmatized or scary or out of bounds. I’m comfortable with who I am, and it’s not an issue.”
Vanessa Carlton also came out bisexual this week, which we got a lot of emails about, announcing “I’ve never said this before, but I am a proud bisexual woman” at Nashville Pride.
GO! magazine’s Women We Love featured Riese, Julie Goldman, Dani Campbell, Susan Miller & Tina Cesa-Ward and Miss April/Sarah Croce.
Apparently Brittany and Santana have been taking their off-screen relationship to a new level, right?
Ryan Murphy has said that he has banned the cast of Glee from having sex with one another in their trailers. The show’s creator said that he understood the physical needs of the young stars but did not want them to act on their urges on set. Murphy told Heat: “I’ve dated people I’ve worked with and, you know, when you work on a set for 18 hours a day I think it’s natural. But I have a rule: don’t do it in your trailer! They’ve broken that rule on many occasions. I’m like, ‘I know you guys are young and hormonal, but don’t do it in your trailer’.”
Ramin Setoodeh leaving Newsweek: “Here’s yet another departure from Newsweek: Ramin Setoodeh, the Newsweek writer behind the magazine’s piece about gay actors in straight roles, is leaving to join People magazine. Mr. Setoodeh will start as a senior writer on People’s news and human-interest team in the second week of a July, according to a spokesperson for the magazine.”
FAN FUCKING TASTIC. At least now he’ll be right at home amongst the gossip and the opinions.
Go Magazine interviews Hunter Valentine, the best looking band of all time.