Queer Horoscopes for May 2024
Taurus season followed by Jupiter in Gemini? More of a dance party than a TED talk.
What Mistake That’s Def Your Fault Should You Blame on Mercury in Retrograde, Based on Your Sign
Mercury went retrograde starting April 1 and won’t be stationary until April 25. Combine this with the recent eclipse season for extra chaos, and extra retrograde and returning-to-unfinished-business energy.
Does the Total Solar Eclipse Mean the Sun and Moon Are Scissoring?
Are moonbeams legs? Are sun-rays legs? (They are, or are something like it.) And if so, is there an infinite cosmic scissoring unfolding?
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for April 2024
I wouldn’t say this April is the cruelest month but it isn’t necessarily kind. So, right now, it’s up to us to be kind to each other.
What Are the Astrological Charts of the Toxic Main Gays in “Love Lies Bleeding”?
Love Lies Bleeding, for all its many attributes, fails to tell us the birth charts of either main character. But maybe we can figure it out!
Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups
Welcome to the most in-depth amazing massive guide to queer-girl zodiac horoscope compatibility anywhere in the entire universe. “What’s your sign?” is a totally valid pick-up line, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for March 2024
Pisces season may cause you to feel like someone waking up in a panic and tripping over their slippers. Best practices? Stay in bed a little longer.
I Banished My Ex Husband With Witchcraft, and You Can Too
A four-person friend group did what anyone who’s seen The Craft might. We got together to cast a spell to banish that man.
What Do the Signs REALLY Want for Valentine’s Day?
No matter what zodiac sign(s) are your sweetie(s)’s, it’s probably a good idea to butter them up with what they really, really want for Valentine’s Day.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for February 2024
This Aquarius season, we should stay with trouble.
Assigning Lipsticks From My Extensive Femme Collection to Every Astrological Sign
I blame TikTok (like I do for most things), but the truth is: I feel empowered when I wear lipstick.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for January 2024
In 2024 we need to be able to think the unthinkable.
What Should Your Questionable New Year’s Resolution Be, According to Your Sign?
Let’s all agree to make THIS year call us “Daddy.”
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for December 2023
Sagittarius season comes with Venus-in-Scorpio vibes. Can you accept the kind of care she’s offering?
What Dish Should You Bring to Friendsgiving/The Potluck Based on Your Sign?
It’s that time of year where queers of every Zodiac sign gather for anti-Thanksgiving, for Friendsgiving, for a fall or autumnal celebration or for a fundraising potluck.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for November 2023
Scorpio season is showing us what we don’t want to see. Feel your feelings and find your courage.
What Three Horror Movies Capture Your Evil Essence, According to Your Sign
Take a look at both your sun and your rising sign, if you dare to peek behind the curtain and stare into the abyss that is your shadow side.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for October 2023
There is a common misconception about Libra energy that it is “peaceful.” As we move into this fairly dramatic Libra season I’d like to reframe that. Libra is interested in restoring balance.
The Cozy Under-The-Covers Sex You’re Having This Fall, According to Your Zodiac Sign
Wondering what kind of queer sex your sign’s going to be having this fall? I’m going to tell you, don’t worry.
Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for September 2023
For me, Virgo season always conjures the smell of sharpened pencils and fresh paper.