Hello, are you coming to our party? Please do. We think these comments mean you’re all funny and it would be nice to be drunk in your presence, probs. Do you like my hat? Goodbye.

Are you ready to get this Prop 8 thing taken care of once and for all? SO ARE WE. We recap today’s closing arguments on the Prop 8 trial on gay marriage in California, with characteristic Autostraddle style and class.

It’s finally happening: Ellen Page is going to play a real live lesbian on the big screen. We take a deeper look at the story behind her lesbian debut in Freeheld and analyze her former roles where she wasn’t gay, but still warmed our gay hearts.

New information in the Cheyenne Williams case (maybe), and shocking violence in Edmonton. Gay and bisexual politicians abound, and the petition on Ref. 71 is finally going to court. Also, a defense of the Boy Scouts, and an investigation of the gay dollar.

Some classmates tried to push their lesbian friend off a cliff because she’s gay; but police are saying this attempted murder, committed on the day of silence, could just be a “prank gone awry.” It looks like DADT won’t be repealed in 2010, and Dan Choi’s civil disobedience got little to no mainstream news coverage. Plus, it’s harder for LGBT victims of violent crimes, Jon Stewart’s Gaywatch, and the Tories in the UK are courting gay voters.

GLAAD asks Newsweek for apology over Seetodeh’s gays-can’t-play-straight piece! Why do we still care? Because, believe it or not, this isn’t even the worst thing he’s written about gay people for Newsweek, just look at the victim-blaming hate-crime cover story! Anti-DADT empirical research is on YouTube and they’re dancing, Happiness without perfection, what your server is thinking about your date, and a Catholic university isn’t hiring a lesbian.

Yesterday our #1 search term was “Jillian Michaels Vanessa Marcil” and now we know why — get the full ‘scoop’ on ‘important things’ right here. Also, Carol Leifer goes on Howard Stern with a lot of feelings about Ellen DeGeneres ALSO! Tegan & Sara interview, Gaga explains nearly passing out on stage in New Zealand, Cynthia Nixon’s GLAAD speech, and a new teaser for Jill Bennett & Cathy DeBuono’s web series, We Have To Stop Now.

Alex & Riese cartoon recap their NSFW Friday night in Las Vegas because that’s what they did instead of writing this, and there were topless ladies dancing there. Also; porn bingo for LGBT rights, feminist porn, BDSM for ladies, hand-bras, and so much more!

This Sunday is extra Funday! Camila Grey is Adam Lambert’s new keyboardist, Gay Mardi Gras rocks Sydney, Harry Potter is going to save gays from suicide, Chris Rock schools you about healthcare, Sad Magazine will make you feel good, and recovery from anorexia is possible. Also, Lilo’s looking hawt.

Why talk about TV all the time when we can just get legendary internet recluse scribegrrrl to come summarize the last three months of television for you? 30 Rock, LOST, Spartacus, American Idol, Dollhouse, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, Damages, Modern Family, Nip/Tuck, and so much moar!

Sean Hayes is gay and he doesn’t care who knows it! JK, he does care, but he sat down with The Advocate and came out just the same; and explained his previous reluctance. Also; Felicia Day’s new show, Oscar mysteries revealed, Adam Lambert’s acoustic performance and a Taylor Swift cover we actually like!

Riese recaps last night’s episode of Law & Order SVU starring Kathy Griffin as a lesbian activist — not so bad, even without the Mariska Hargitay lesbian kiss (we’ve got VIDEO!) Also; Tegan & Sara acoustic videos, Lohan’s memoir, Johnny Weir on Joy Behar, Lady Gaga in Cosmo, Adam Lambert in Sydney and a Dana Delaney headline way more offensive than SVU.

Lesbian scandals that have been clogging our Google Reader so let’s get ’em all out there: sex! murder! terrible fark-ready things! It’s been a year since Dan Choi visited the Rachel Maddow show and came out — he returns and is f*cking brilliant. Also: that’s gay, best interrupting moments & more!

The history of lesbian closeting in Hollywood — and why, even today, so many lesbians prefer to stay in the closet. Also a Desperate Housewives lesbian storyline mini-cap, Tila Tequila’s Australian karaoke, an amazing Taylor Swift parody and Lindsay Lohan’s new interview.

L Magazine’s gender-bending photoshoot features Nicole Pacent of Anyone But Me, sidenote new ep of Anyone But Me! Adam Lambert calls the shots and the shots are “theatrical, out there” and “proud to be gay.” Also; Lady Gaga in 3D, lesbian werewolf movie, Chloe Sevigny’s Big Gay Interview, Anderson Cooper’s boyfriend IRL, The Princess and the Frog goes gender-neutral, Jason Mraz/Elton John, Sean Hayes/Kristin Chenoweth and more!

Apparently the gay agenda isn’t working today ’cause no one wants to be a lesbian BUT who cares, This American Life’s 2002 ep about how homos aren’t crazy is streaming online this week! Also; homophobia in African-American churches, Johnny Weir on “That’s Gay!”, the upside of depression, Caster Semenya is not the real Middlesex, Clay Aiken’s HRC speech FTW, Crystal Renn interviewed, “Bro-etry,” 10 Reasons to Avoid the Phone and more!

Ellen DeGeneres invites Constance McMillen to her show and Cat Cora speaks out to support Constance. No one believes the guy who says he booked Adam Lambert & Lady Gaga for a launch party at the local park. Johnny Weir is a tough man to track down, are Glambert & Gaga performing together, Tina Fey in Esquire magazine, a new lesbian sci-fi flick, The Real L Word sets a debut date, Ellen Von Unwerth’s lesbo-sexy music video, Jennifer Coolidge, Kathy Griffin and Ugly Betty’s gay kiss.

Sara’s adorable interview with the Boston Globe and Tegan & Sara’s new Alligator video (dancing in winter coats!). Also; Kathy Griffin’s SVU guest spot has her lesbian lusting for Olivia Benson (REALLY!), Lady Gaga & RedOne in the studio, “We Have to Stop Now” photoshoot, Ewan McGregor’s gay sex w/Jim Carrey, ANTM’s maybe-lesbian, GLAAD honors Wanda Sykes & Scary Spice gets alternative lifestyle haircut.

Planned Parenthood has a response ad to Focus on the Family’s Anti-Choice SuperBowl ad and we think you’re gonna love it! The Advocate talks to a pro-gay-marriage Saints football player, top 10 banned super bowl ads, John McCain is cranky and hates gay people, girls who won’t date taller, Beyonce and Rihanna have blonde hair, GIRL SCOUT COOKIE MANIA and moms try to out-hot their daughters.

According to the pro-DADT “logic,” there’s really no reason for lesbians to get kicked out. A straight male tells Autostraddle his opposition to DADT. Also; anti-homophobia ad hits production snag and The Lunar New Year’s gay inclusion.