April Showers Bring Whiskey Sours (For All The Comment Award Winners)

 April really is the best month. I mean, have you looked at your calendars lately? After two years of smokin’ Miss Aprils, Morgan keeps the April tradition going strong. We celebrated April Fools’ by learning about dirty bisexuals and cooked tofu satay, an orange and almond salad and green tomatoes. We liked Here/Queer month almost as much as we like kittens so we’re keeping it going all month long. So far this time around, we’ve got posts on queer life in South Korea, LGBT icons of the Harlem Rennaissance, worldly food, going mad in New York, and Ann Arbor, Michigan. We’ve also heard from Brittani on her adventures at Dinah Shore, Riese on things she read and loved, and Crystal on the top ten female crime fighters. Laneia made a playlist about a bear with bear in the freezer because she does things like that and we’ve got another episode of The Newtown Girls. Now come on up and claim your whiskey-styled awards.

On Here/Queer: Ann Arbor, My Bubble and Native Land:

The I Hope You’re Bringing This Song With You To A-Camp Award to Rose: “We used to sing a song at Jew camp that went like this:

Wherever you go, there’s always someone Jewish
You’re never alone when you say you’re a Jew
So when you’re not home, and you’re somewhere kind of new-ishhhh
The odds are, don’t look far, ’cause they’re Jewish too!
(ba da da, ba da da, ba da da da da)

Now just substitute “Jew” with “gay” so that it reads “gayish” (or append “and gay!” to the end of “Jewish”). I think that no matter where you go, you will always be able to find your community, or carve out a place for yourself and others who share in your attitudes and beliefs. Plus, I think if you’re surrounded by love and acceptance and people who care about you at home, you can channel those feelings of validation and take them with you anywhere.”

On The Dirty Truth About Bisexuals, A Case Study:

The IRB Award Award to Beez: “I’m going to have to request the contact information for these interview subjects. For research.”

The Identity Politics Award to Tiger Gray and Chandra:

The Megalomaniac Award to Amanda Gun: “Yes! I completely agree. I think that since everyone knows you can’t trust bisexuals, the interview subjects were poorly chosen; a far better choice would be to interview lesbians or straight people about bisexuals. That kind of non-professionalism really made me doubt the author’s judgement.
I also object to this idea that we’re incapable of “respecting other people’s feelings”? I know for a fact that other people don’t have feelings. You need to fact check before you publish anything!”

On Playlist: Bear Has A Forty In The Freezer:

The Grin and Bear It Award to marebear: “This is unbearably amazing.”

On Neon Looks Awesome, Won’t Make You Cry:

The Neon Nineties Award to moose: “i wore it the first time, so i’m gonna sit this one out.”

On Dinosaur News! Were Your Favorite Prehistoric Beasts Actually Aquatic?:

The Coming Soon To A Theme Park Near You! Award to Michelle:

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Laura is a tiny girl who wishes she were a superhero. She likes talking to her grandma on the phone and making things with her hands. Strengths include an impressive knowledge of Harry Potter, the ability to apply sociology to everything under the sun, and a knack for haggling for groceries in Spanish. Weaknesses: Chick-fil-a, her triceps, girls in glasses, and the subjunctive mood. Follow the vagabond adventures of Laura and her bike on twitter [@laurrrrita].

Laura has written 308 articles for us.


  1. Haha yay! I wish I were going to A-camp :( somebody better sing “there’s always someone gayish” on my behalf

    Also I should maybe stop being such a creeper and create an account on here.

    • My grandma went to Fresh Air camp (which was, unfortunately, not hosted by Terry Gross) when she was little so that she could spend her summer getting fatter since her family was poor. Sometimes when she gets tipsy, she sings the song from it. I wish I could type out the ridiculous hand motions that go with it, but this’ll just have to do:

      I am a fresh air camp fairy
      I play all day long and make merry
      Each week gain a pound, my face fat and round
      For I am as brown as a berry

      I sleep in a big dormitory
      Ten hours each night are good for me
      When to bed I creep, birds sing me to sleep
      And I never wake up ’til tomorrow

      And so it goes on through the day
      I eat, sleep, work, and I play
      And it’s understood that I’m always good
      ‘Cause I love all my teachers, hey, hey

  2. I think everyone deserved a comment award for that Bisexual article. But especially Beez.

  3. I’m pretty sure EVERYONE who commented about dirty bisexuals deserves an award. Including the people who took it seriously.

    • They all receive the satisfaction of having been right all along, and having that confirmed by the internet.

  4. i tried to click a plus on one of the images. i feel stupid…

    Also can’t wait til next weeks comment awards with the eggceptionally large shitstorm brought about over gay easter eggs, or something.

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