The Comment Awards are Carolstraddling Into the Sunset

Profile picture of CyrusHi-hi! Hi! It’s Cyrus! I know it looks like I’m Queer Girl, but that’s because I’m guest-posting from Queer Girl’s account! Queer Girl is my human! I am Queer Girl’s dog! She says I don’t have the right permissions to post on my own. And I guess I don’t know what permissions are, but if they’re anything like the permission I may or may not have to growl at big dogs in the park and also to eat trash from the bathroom wastebasket when my human isn’t looking, I think it’s safe to say I’m gonna do it anyway. So hi hello! Here is a list of things I’ve done today:

+ Sat in a planter in the sun (this is my favorite place to sit, because I can eat salad while I’m up there! By salad I mean weeds. I don’t have “permissions” to eat weeds either, but I sure do love them!

+ Growled at the dog door

+ Barked INTRUDER ALERT when the big truck came by and stole our garbage (RIP garbage)

+ Forgot how the dog door worked

+ Wiggled my whole body a LOT in a reunification dance when my human got home from that place she goes every day for so longggg

+ Lifeguarded my human while she took a bath in the death bath, I call it the death bath, I know I have some cousins who like water but it is DANGEROUS and I can’t believe my human likes it. Thanks to my vigilance, no one drowned

+ Oh and I loved you! (It’s true! And like I know I haven’t met most of you, but here’s a thing I do with people I love, and I always love the people my human loves: I put my head down and butt my forehead up against their chest or their arm in a really good little greeting cuddle. Would you like a little internet cuddle from me?)

This week, in an incredible feat of daring and smarts that would rival those of any Australian Cattle Dog, and a step forward for positive canine representation everywhere, Carol took over Autostraddle for April 1st! Read Carol’s letter from the editor, and also the amazing saga of the neighborhood dog who wouldn’t stop barking! Carol served as fashion inspiration for the newest Find Your Fit, and Rachel even pitched in with some canine decorating tips! Carolstraddle day was a real gray-letter day, let me tell ya.

Queer Girl would like me to tell you that also this week, Chani Nicholas did Autostraddle’s birth chart, a person AND a theme which are both extremely big deals to the humans of Autostraddle!

Rachel wrote about dating with pets (about which I would like to say: dogs are the best and anyone who doesn’t have one is highly suspect, don’t @ me).

Kayla wrote this very good thing: For Your Consideration: This Stupid F*cking Juice. Although Kayla, I”m not sure you should call the juice stupid, I am pro-food and pro-juice and if you don’t want to drink it I definitely will, can you please put it on the floor for me?

Jessica wrote about The Walking Dead, Tara Chamblers, and the power of seeing a gay character in a zombie storyline for the very first time. I feel like I can connect with this; I’ll never forget the first time I watched Homeward Bound.

And then, as my human always says, there were your comments! (Queer Girl took editorial control over the comment award names, because I was going to make every single one of them the Who’s A Very Good Human? You Are! Award.)

On Welcome to Carolstraddle!

The Fairest Of Them All Award to Sally and Coral:

Coral, I noticed in your profile you self-identified as the fairest dog of them all. You’re not stirring up some Carol vs Coral rivalry are you?

On BREAKING: There Is Another Dog In This Neighborhood and They Won’t Stop Barking!!!!

The We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat Award to Carol, Zuzu, and Coral:

i don’t know zuzu but so far 99% of the dogs i have met are BIGGER THAN ME so it is probably the size of a whale or maybe an elephant??? or maybe a person? i don’t know i can’t see it but it sounds big like it could eat a boat!!

On 9 Reasons Why Carol Is Actually a Cat, Don’t @ Me:

The Don’t C@ Me Award to Zuzu:

Emo? EMO??? do you know what it’s like to spend all day knowing you’re the perfect pinnacle of creation only to be forced by your humans to POOP in a STINKY BOX?!?! HMPH Also my mom wants me to tell you that you missed the opportunity to say “Don’t c@ me

On Other People’s Pets, Reviewed by Carol:

The Cold, Hard Cats Award to :):

I hate to disagree with @sarsquared, but if Carol’s lowest rating of other pets is a 9/10 she is in no way bitchy enough to be a cat.

On Songs to Make You Cry in the Grocery Store, as Ranked Compared to “Fast Car”:

The Anatomy 101 Award to Molly Priddy and Isabel:

bonnie raitt “i can’t make you love me

And the Shitty Synchronicity Award to Kayla and Vanessa:

goodbye to you

On 10 Queers on What’s Made Them Go for the Second Date:

The Love Is Not A Lie Award to hex:

my best second date was the one where i realized that on our first date, we had spent so much time making dumb jokes and laughing and having fun and making out that i didn’t actually know anything about her. so i had to go on a second one to find out more! (the second date was even better. we’re married now.)

And on Also.Also.Also: Mormon Church Will Now Allow LGBTQ Parents to Baptize Their Children and Other Stories from Your Week:

The Melon-est Proposal Award to Corvus:

They say we cantaloupe, but let’s, honeydew

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Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.


  1. This made me smile and I really needed that today, so thank you Cyrus and Queer Girl! <3

  2. Hi Cyrus you have the foxiest ears! Thank you for taking care of Queer Girl especially when she is in dangerous situations like the (whisper) bath. Also I know you aren’t a (whisper) cat even when you curl up in the cutest circle and maybe your human will post a pic of you like that here if we ask doggedly, that is to say persistently with eyes full of irresistible longing.

  3. Hi Cyrus! My human usually posts using my name and picture (because I’m the cutest) but today I, Cleo the cat, am posting, not my human.

    My human is sad because I’m in kitty heaven now, where scratching the couch is encouraged and there’s always a warm spot to lie in. But I left her lots of cat hair and yummy smells and my cache of favorite toys to remember me by.

  4. You’re such a good boy, Cyrus! And you’re right, Carolstraddle was the best!

  5. This week’s CATA (Comment Award Title Award) goes to The We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat Award

  6. Oh my goodness, HI Cyrus!!!! <3 I will gladly accept internet cuddles, you are the best! Thank you for all your hard work, you are doing a great job!

    *Sweetums here now: Do you get a lot of good cuddles after your reunionification dance? Because when my human comes home from being gone for wayyyy too long (where do they gooooo? why can't I go too?) I just flop all around them and chirp and rub my face into their hands until they pick me up and we get to cuddle for a few minutes. It's the best! Well them not leaving would be the best, but they keep doing it. I like it when they stay home, and even more when they have other humans come over, because then I get to play sooo much!

    • Hi jay! Hi sweetums! I am so excited to give you a nice gentle headbutt, and also to be a little perplexed as to whether Sweetums is an otter, a bobcat, or a kitty! Whatever they are, they are 11/10 perfect, jay you are hashpaw blessed

      • <3 <3 <3
        Fair question, they are perplexing! Sweetums is decidedly avoiding the question, so I can't give you their answer, but I can tell you they may very well be all three, PLUS part vampire. Who knows really? But they are perfect! And so good at morning cuddles and greeting cuddles!
        I am truly hashpaw blessed!!! Thank you
        I hope you get an extra treat for all your work today!

  7. OMG I love this!

    Also, now I want to tell people “Who’s a good human? Who’s a good human? Oh, yes, you are, yes, you are” while I dangle treats at them.

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