Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

scorpio_300x300SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21) Intensity is an understatement when it comes to describing Scorpios. You are definitely the horniest sign, and you won’t deny it, but horny for you describes a kind of intense and probing passion that scares a lot of lovers off. A safe rule: Don’t take a bedroom dalliance with a Scorpio lightly, because Scorpios don’t take anything lightly. You are possessive lovers and have a tendency for control in life and love. Your resulting sex life is often extra kinky, but you’re not always the best at balanced relationships. When you love, you love with everything, and when that love doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, you’re a powerful enemy. Passion rules your life, and it makes you a hell of a partner in every possible way.

U-Haul Material – Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Best Lesbros Forever – Libra

SCORPIO and ARIES This is a bad idea for quite a few reasons. The sex will be enticing because they’re both intense personas, and everyone knows that steam is a result of water and fire. This is dangerous because the incredible sex is misleading – Scorpio is controlling, Aries refuses to be controlled. The two of them will start a battle for unhealthy domination as soon as they try to make decisions together. Unfortunately, Scorpio can be manipulative when they don’t get their way, while Aries will run and make bad decisions in retaliation, like cheating with all the girls at Queeraoke. The feelings will be intense and heavy, and they’ll probably say “I love you” on the second date, only to hate each by the third. Hot grudge sex will be the only way they can work out their feelings or stop fighting, but they’ll swear to be each other’s one true love even while they’re pulling each other’s hair out. Their friends will do a lot of facepalming and suggest dialing things back, but like a car accident, it will be impossible not to stare at this glorious hot mess of a thing. This is that couple you see screaming at each during Pride, and then making out in the bathroom at the afterparty.

SCORPIO and TAURUS Hold onto your dildos, because things are about to get kinky. All that pent up possessiveness that both signs crave is going to translate to bondage in the bedroom, with both Taurus and Scorpio playing along. Taurus wants to explore every inch of Scorpio, and Scorpio wants to own Taurus’ soul. This is deep tantric sexy shit. Their intensity might get the better of them at times, and it’s possible for them to become a little *too* wrapped up in each other, neglecting their friends and other commitments in order to put their partner (and their partner’s sexual needs) above all things. This makes for an incredible hookup, but watch yourself once emotions come into play.

SCORPIO and GEMINI Sexy debates and passionate power plays are what Gemini and Scorpio are all about. Sure, it doesn’t make for a very happy romance, but it does make for one hell of an adventure. Gemini enjoys an intellectual challenge, and Scorpio loves a challenge for the sake of a challenge. Their bed is on fire, but so is the rest of their relationship, and there’s no way that they’re not walking away from this thoroughly burned. It will probably make a tumultuous storyline worthy of the The L Word, but it seems almost cruel to put these two through this much intensity.

SCORPIO and CANCER Damn. Both of these signs are super intense in everything they do, and the resulting sexual intensity is off the charts. Cancer is immediately drawn to brooding passionate Scorpio, and Scorpio loves that Cancer wants to see them at their most powerful and protective. They’re a possessive duo, so the bedroom is going to get totally trashed in the process of all these passion plays. Because both like their secrets, with Cancer keeping as much in their shell as they’d like, and Scorpio forever unpredictable, the passion can get a little dangerous, but it’s definitely a hot kind of dangerous. Can it last? Maybe not, since Cancer wants security and Scorpio is not what we’d call stable. The sex in the meantime is enough to keep them coming back for more regardless.

SCORPIO and LEO Fire and water most definitely make steam, and Leo’s brand of fire sure does heat things up. Unfortunately, the chemistry between Leo and Scorpio fizzles fast when it comes to the way they navigate life, as both want to take the lead, and Leo’s need to socialize doesn’t sit well with possessive Scorpio. Leo struggles to be anything but genuine in their outward emotions, and Scorpio’s more secretive sides drive them up a wall. If there’s a major disagreement in the relationship, expect it to remain unresolved for years, as Scorpio refuses to compromise, and Leos refuse to give up on their beliefs. If they want to make something of this situation, it’ll take a lot of work, and not just the kind of work a Rodeoh does, as that’s the kind of work these two might keep resorting to when push comes to shove.

SCORPIO and VIRGO Intensity is the name of the game when these two get together. Virgo wants sex to be serious and passionate, and Scorpio doesn’t know how to have sex any other way. Virgo is immediately drawn to brooding Scorpio, and Scorpio’s love for power fits perfectly with Virgo’s love for order. In the bedroom, it’s a level of intensity that most signs wouldn’t even want to handle. And they do spend a lot of time in the bedroom, because neither is a social butterfly, and when they’re alone together they seem to get the most done. Unfortunately, Virgo’s not really prepared for Scorpio’s unpredictable sides, and their perfectionist nature means they might have trouble dealing with Scorpio’s outbursts of hidden emotions. If they can work at their high standards, they might make the relationship succeed, but no one said that the sex wasn’t already a wild success.

SCORPIO and LIBRA These two were born collaborators, with both signs interested in power. Scorpio has emotional power and Libra has intellectual power, which means that the projects they tackle together are going to be monumental. They’ve probably fallen into an easy friendship before anything else, because while Libra loves what Scorpio brings to the table, they’re not used to someone with a secretive side, and Scorpio isn’t going to open up around someone so open. At the same time, they’re both naturally seductive people who live to charm others, and the sexual banter between them has definitely flared up at one point or another. If it leads to love, so be it, but they also might just be great lesbros with benefits.

SCORPIO and SCORPIO Hold onto your poisonous barbs. This is probably the most intense pairing in the zodiac. The passion will be in another dimension, the bond between them could probably charge a nuclear plant. The love they feel will also feel like it can shoot down stars and tear down mountains, and these might be things they attempt in their efforts to get to each other. Unfortunately, flames likes these are going to burn everything in sight, and that’s not always a good thing. This could either be a life-changing romance that defies all the odds, or it could be the most spectacular disaster of all time. If this ends badly, these aren’t just exes – these are nemeses.

SCORPIO and SAGITTARIUS Scorpio loves a challenge, Sagittarius loves an adventure. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot. Scorpio wants power and control, feels possessive of their partners, and doesn’t do well with too much instability, as it brings out their own unpredictable nature. Sagittarius just wants to run free, and once they’ve figured out Scorpio, they’re on to new things, something Scorpio will not take well to at all. While it’s a hot ticket for a hookup with the power plays that will inevitably surface, it might be a challenge to keep it going in a balanced relationship, especially if that relationship is monogamous.

SCORPIO and CAPRICORN This is a fantastic pairing with lasting power. Capricorn has ambitious goals they want to accomplish, and Scorpio would love to lend their attention and passion to help them get there. Capricorn keeps Scorpio grounded even when they’re launching into one of their intense moods, and Scorpio pulls Capricorn out of their tight-assed life to experience some mind-numbingly good passion. Scorpio’s emotions need Capricorn’s logic, and since Capricorn doesn’t need to be the leader, they can hand over that position to Scorpio while still getting everything done in the background. It’s the kind of pairing that OkCupid needs on their front page.

SCORPIO and AQUARIUS Scorpio and Aquarius are not exactly two peas in a pod. They are maybe one pea in a pod while the other is underground and a carrot. Aquarius loves socializing and discovering new things. Introverted Scorpio is not one for crowds and doesn’t understand any of the things Aquarius builds their world around. The opposition between them might inspire some passion from Scorpio, whose seductive side enjoys a challenge, but it will be a hard scenario to keep going when it comes to everyday decisions and negotiating conflict. Both are not great at cooperating, and both have strong feelings about their stances, which means that compromise is not a word often heard in this pairing.

SCORPIO and PISCES These two innately understand each other from the first. Both are deep and intense people, though in very different ways. Pisces lives in the world of possibility while also feeling things intensely. Scorpio is obsessed with the here and now and approaches the present with everything they have. The bond between them will be equally heavy, and both are forgiving of their tendency to withdraw into themselves, as Pisces does like to live in dreams, and Scorpio is always retreating into their secrets. They feel intense love for one another because they don’t know how to feel anything but intensity, so even if this intensity overcomes them, it was a romance for the ages.


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ARIESTAURUSGEMINICANCERLEOVIRGOLIBRASCORPIOSAGITTARIUSCAPRICORNAQUARIUSPISCES


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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.

264 Comments

  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting lmao.so yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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