Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

taurus_300x300TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Taurus enjoys the good things in life. Good food, good sex, good music. You want to be constantly surrounded by everything you love, and a partner who can give you this kind of security is ideal. Taurus is also big on the gestures. Yep, you’re an old-fashioned romantic. You love dinner dates, roses, and go figure, you’re the sign most likely to take their time in taking it to the bedroom. Once you get there, though, there’s no question that you’re a lover who puts everything into the act of worshipping the body. You hold love on a high pedestal and don’t throw the word around lightly. You might even believe in love at first sight, and the concept of The One.

U-Haul Material – Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Scorpio, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Best Lesbros Forever – Aries, Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius

TAURUS and ARIES This is a major lesbromance. We’re talking “take a bullet for each other” kind of lesbromance. These two have each other’s back no matter what. They both party hard, dig the same values in their partners, and are super great wingmen. Taurus is extremely loyal, and Aries needs someone to stick around when they’re jumping headfirst into one thing after the other. Aries completely respects Taurus; mutual respect is essential to their bond. If this turns into love, it’s going to be soul-crushingly beautiful, but more often these two are the best of friends, and that’s just fine, too.

TAURUS and TAURUS Since values are really important to the Taurus, sharing the exact same ones with their partner is going to go a long way. And by long way, I mean they will be taking their sweet time in getting to the dirty. It’ll be a slow-burning making eyes across campus for three years kind of thing, but someone’s going to send somebody a rose with a secret message and then shit is about to go down, because we all know how much Tauruses love the romantic gestures. While love is more than possible, they might both end up a little too comfortable in the pairing. Habits and routines are going to be the soul-crushers with these two. A lot of sitting on the couch watching reruns on Friday nights, which is better suited for your best friend. Sure, slow can be fun and who doesn’t love their Netflix subscription, but even Tauruses need a spark every once and a while. Best to make your fellow Tauruses your crew, or your crew with benefits, but not your automatic partner.

TAURUS and GEMINI Taurus needs security and stability, and that is not in Gemini’s job description. Gemini craves constant newness and isn’t great at followthrough, while Taurus is looking to settle into something comfortable. While Taurus may initially be intrigued by Gemini’s sexy elusive side, their needs are not going to get met, and Gemini will be driven to their worst. A lot of breaking up, getting back together, and then breaking up again. These two will probably never make up their minds about whether or not the relationship is working. Sex could be really good or really bad, depending on both of their moods at the time. It’s going to be the kind of hot mess your friends will be talking about for years to come.

TAURUS and CANCER Explosively good sex, with sensitive Cancer finding true love in Taurus’ romantic arms. It is law. Taurus wants to take it slow, and emotional Cancer finds this kind of passion and attention to needs something they’ve rarely experienced. Cancer needs loyalty and deep love, which is exactly what Taurus lives to provide. There’s going to be a lot of gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings with these two. They are guaranteed to be that couple that makes all their friends vomit, but who even cares? This shit is beautiful.

TAURUS and LEO Best friends forever! Leo’s ego is big but easily bruised, and Taurus’ loyalty and unfailing support is exactly what Leo needs to feel okay about themselves. These two will see each other through thick and thin. Taurus loves being comfortable and Leo loves being lavish, so they’ll bro it out over the finer things in life. Sex is on the table as fun for both, but they’re better suited to be the best friends they can be rather than longterm partners.

TAURUS and VIRGO Reserve the U-Haul now, kids. These two are perfect for each other. Expect these two to find a nice little place in Vermont, where they’ll have a quiet happy existence, maybe breed some retrievers, raise some goats. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that it’s exactly what they both want. Taurus is practical and comfort-seeking, Virgo is grounded and loves to provide that comfort. Taurus is on the earthy, laidback side of things, and Virgo the perfectionist takes care of the details while Taurus tackles the big picture in the most rational way possible. There’s no problem they can’t handle. Patient Taurus calms Virgo’s anxiety, which is exactly what Virgo needs and rarely finds in a partner. It’s totally beautiful.

TAURUS and LIBRA If they can find a way to balance all their differences, this could be really great, but their differences are many. Libra needs to talk everything out, and Taurus isn’t a big talker. Libra also wants constant approval, which Taurus doesn’t feel is necessary or in their rights to give. Taurus feels worn out by Libra, and Libra feels frustrated by Taurus’ stubborn commitment to taking the backseat on every issue that Libra wants to consider. This translates to some possibly awkward give and take in the bedroom. Taurus loves the good things in life, but Libra’s more worried about having the classier things in life, or at least things that will gain Libra more social acceptance. Their view on how others see them and the relationship will probably get in the way of things more than it helps them grow, and that could get super messy super fast, especially if one of them isn’t out or is worried about being out to their family. Think this one through before going all the way, kids.

TAURUS and SCORPIO Hold onto your dildos, because things are about to get kinky. All that pent up possessiveness that both signs crave is going to translate to bondage in the bedroom, with both Taurus and Scorpio playing along. Taurus wants to explore every inch of Scorpio, and Scorpio wants to own Taurus’ soul. This is deep tantric sexy shit. Their intensity might get the better of them at times, and it’s possible for them to become a little *too* wrapped up in each other, neglecting their friends and other commitments in order to put their partner (and their partner’s sexual needs) above all things. This makes for an incredible hookup, but watch yourself once emotions come into play.

TAURUS and SAGITTARIUS Great friends, but not so great at relationships. Sagittarius brings the fun and adventure, and Tauruses are the loyal companions who follow their lesbro through thick and thin. Sagittarius is on the blunt side of things, and Taurus often jumps in to save Sagittarius from certain death in the dyke bar. If they want to take it to the next level, they’ll find themselves stumbling with two very different sets of needs: Sagittarius wants freedom, and Taurus wants security. Love’s a struggle, if they see it there at all, but as two queers on the town, they’re a barrel of friggin’ monkeys.

TAURUS and CAPRICORN Taurus is Capricorn’s ideal mate. Capricorns provide stability to Taurus while ultimately inspiring their partner. Taurus is the cheerleader for all of Capricorn’s hopes and dreams, which are typically big and lofty. There’s nothing the two of them can’t accomplish together. In a relationship, they’re the envy of all their friends and the one couple that no one thinks will ever break up because they’re so perfect together. They are Tina and Bette in the pilot, but only the pilot.

TAURUS and AQUARIUS This will seem like a great drunken idea, but the morning reveals more than a hangover: Flighty Aquarius is no easy match for down to earth Taurus. Aquarius, always thinking outside the box and craving new things, will find Taurus “boring,” even if Taurus is just looking to get comfortable. And it’ll be hard to get comfortable with Aquarius, who locks away Taurus’ heart and then forgets the combination, in typical Aquarian style. Taurus sees romance in everything, though, even in Aquarius’ complex way of seeing the world and their tendency to want to explore everything from a different angle. Maybe those angles are worth exploring for a night, but this is not a walk in the park when attempted as a relationship.

TAURUS and PISCES Opposites attract, and dreamy Pisces will probably see a total hunk in the strong and quiet Taurus. Pisces lives in a sensual world already, and Taurus has no problem taking them to another level of passion with their earthy love of worshiping the body. Of course, Pisces has a tendency to idealize, and Taurus’ quiet nature will make it easy for Pisces to fill in the gaps, sometimes incorrectly. There’s a deep tantric connection here, but if they want to make it in the big leagues, they’ll need to tone down the fantasies that drive their relationship.

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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.


  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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