Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

I promise that I’m an intelligent educated person who understands that science is real and facts are facts. I am extremely well-read. I believe in evolution. I have a degree from a very reputable college, anassa kata. If your discovery of the fact that I’m totally obsessed with the zodiac changes your opinion of me, so be it. I will try to win you back by posting a picture of myself in boy briefs.

All that said, you’re allowed to take or leave horoscopes, tarot cards, and other “mystical” things that I find fascinating and worth exploring. I know there’s a question about it on your OkCupid profile (and don’t even pretend like you didn’t know that), so I know that at some point in your hook-up seeking lives, most queers have to confront the question of whether or not you “believe in it, don’t believe in it, or find it fun to think about”. And weirdly enough, I know that most queers seem to be super into things like the horoscope and the otherwise “esoteric.” Is it because we all went through a The Craft phase? Is it that whole thing where lesbianism equals witchcraft? Whatever it is, it’s working.

I’ve been studying the zodiac until I felt that it wasn’t highway robbery to charge people for star charts. I’m always flipping through my three decks of tarot cards. I find all the results equal parts fun and fascinating.

For those of you who want a little guidance in your queer bedrooms, you might find your horoscope can be of aid. “What’s your sign?” is a totally valid pick-up line, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. For this guide, I’ve chosen to deal with sun signs only, as the multitude of combinations involved with moon signs and ascendants and planets is an intense commitment, to say the least. If you’re genuinely interested in your complex compatibility with someone else, think about getting a star chart done, as it will tell you multitudes more than sun sign alone.

Oh, and I’m a Leo sun. Just in case, you know, you were wondering.

autostraddle zodiac altogether

Click on your sun sign and check out who you should be hitting on and who you should be avoiding like the bubonic plague.

ARIES TAURUS GEMINI CANCER LEO VIRGO LIBRA SCORPIO SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN AQUARIUS PISCES


aries_300x300ARIES (March 21-April 19) As an Aries, you’re all about the chase. You want what you can’t have, so the more unattainable, the better. You want to be teased, led on, and challenged right into the bedroom. While you’re not known for settling into longterm gigs, if only because you crave the excitement of conquering something new and unconquerable, you do well in relationships where your partner is an equal who knows when to fight and when to let you play the big brave queer. You’re going to tear it up in the club and the bedroom, so those who find themselves crushing on an Aries – watch out! It’s always a wild and hot ride with this one.

U-Haul Material – Sagittarius, Aquarius, Cancer

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Leo, Gemini, Aries

Beware of Trainwreck – Scorpio, Libra, Virgo, Capricorn

Best Lesbros Forever – Taurus, Pisces

ARIES and ARIES Aries wants to play a love game? Good, so does the other Aries. Chasing, teasing, pleasing, and all sorts of intense sexual stuff is about to go down. Both love a challenge, and are more than willing to provide. They’re fiery and passionate people who are going to be dynamic in bed, even if it only lasts a night or two. This is a fantastic bet for a hook-up but maybe not so much for the longterm. Challenges could go too far and drive one of them away, or their selfish sides might take away from the relationship itself. They’re two powerhouses that love to bang down whatever obstacle is in their way, but when that obstacle is the relationship itself, it’s going to get ugly.

ARIES and TAURUS This is a major lesbromance. We’re talking “take a bullet for each other” kind of lesbromance. These two have each other’s back no matter what. They both party hard, dig the same values in their partners, and are super great wingmen. Taurus is extremely loyal, and Aries needs someone to stick around when they’re jumping headfirst into one thing after the other. Aries completely respects Taurus; mutual respect is essential to their bond. If this turns into love, it’s going to be soul-crushingly beautiful, but more often these two are the best of friends, and that’s just fine, too.

ARIES and GEMINI You can’t turn down the heat with these babes. Aries is everything Gemini finds attractive in a partner. The sex is mind-blowingly good. The chemistry flows with witty banter, and you better believe their brains have been doing the dirty before they even got undressed. This is sexy librarian shit right here. While the sexual compatibility is off the charts, longterm relationships might not be in the cards for these kids. Count on Aries to get hot and bothered when they spy Gemini, but Gemini doesn’t like the constant attention and neediness of Aries, while Aries needs to be entertained in order to maintain interest. At the end of the day, these two might actually be too good for each other. They’re smart enough to realize that it’s worth being fuckbuddies, but they’ve got very different needs in longer relationships and there’s no need to sour the sex with emotional malarkey.

ARIES and CANCER Aries and Cancer are the kind of pairing that is perfect for a night of intense loving, or for bringing home to meet the parents. The sex is equal parts emotion and animal lust. Cancer opens up the less-emotional Aries, and Aries throws all their passion into loving Cancer, which is enough to make any sensitive Cancer swoon. A long relationship will require some compromise, since Cancer’s feelings are easily hurt and Aries are not known for their subtlety. Luckily their differences are not enough that they can’t be learned and adjusted. The sex is fantastic and keeps Aries coming back for more, while the deep love and compassion makes Cancer pretty hopelessly in love with Aries. Expect commitment ceremonies and sperm donors in the near future.

ARIES and LEO Aries and Leo will definitely bang. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will happen soon. Aries loves to make the first move and Leo loves to feel attractive. Both of them know they’re good, so the bedroom becomes an epic wrestling match for two giant egos, but it’s a win-win for both parties. There will probably be a lot of fighting over who gets to top first, but it’ll be super hot. When you put two fire signs together, it usually means explosive sex olympics. While they have the potential to be a powerful duo, they’re both egotistical, stubborn, and prone to wandering eyes the moment they don’t feel their needs being met. Unless they’re both actively flattering the other, it’s going to be hard to keep the flame of longevity and commitment going. Better to just be lesbros with benefits.

ARIES and VIRGO Virgo makes Aries want to show off and charm them the old-fashioned way, and Virgo loves Aries’ courageous streak. Expect Aries to woo Virgo by sticking up for them in public, beating off the gross dude at the bar, or straight up asking Virgo to go home with them. While it’ll definitely be a fun night, this is dangerous relationship material. Aries’ ego is needy, and Virgo gives and gives and gives. Borderline abusive behavior could easily become part of this dynamic. Virgos are already prone to worrying and fussing, and trust them to pour all of their energy into loving and caring for Aries, regardless of Aries reciprocating. And Aries might not reciprocate, given the fact that Aries is going to think of Aries first and foremost. Aries also do best with partners they respect, and their differences will make it difficult for them to respect Virgo, which is a recipe for disaster. Aries will get bored and look for something else, and Virgo will likely cling until they’re shaken off, coming away bruised and sorry. Proceed with caution, clamdivers.

ARIES and LIBRA You know that couple who are such utter and complete opposites that no one can understand why they bought a cat together? Aries and Libra are that couple. Opposites in every single way, the “opposites attract” mantra will only work for the first encounter or two. Once they start fully expressing their personalities, it might be time to divide up the fiestaware and vegan cookbooks. Libra values fairness and deep consideration before decisions, Aries values being headstrong and sticking to your gut. Libra thinks Aries is a pompous ass, Aries thinks Libra is a wishy-washy weakling. It’ll take a lot of processing to make this work, and even though we queers love processing, this pair might murder each other before getting all their feelings out. If you can avoid this hookup, it will save you a lot of frustrated tears and grudge-watching The L Word.

ARIES and SCORPIO This is a bad idea for quite a few reasons. The sex will be enticing because they’re both intense personas, and everyone knows that steam is a result of water and fire. This is dangerous because the incredible sex is misleading – Scorpio is controlling; Aries refuses to be controlled. The two of them will start a battle for unhealthy domination as soon as they try to make decisions together. Unfortunately, Scorpios can be manipulative when they don’t get their way, while Aries will run and make bad decisions in retaliation, like cheating with all the girls at Queeraoke. The feelings will be intense and heavy, and they’ll probably say “I love you” on the second date, only to hate each other by the third. Hot grudge sex will be the only way they can work out their feelings or stop fighting, but they’ll swear to be each other’s one true love even while they’re pulling each other’s hair out. Their friends will do a lot of facepalming and suggest dialing things back, but like a car accident, it will be impossible not to stare at this glorious hot mess of a thing. This is that couple you see screaming at each during Pride, and then making out in the bathroom at the afterparty.

ARIES and SAGITTARIUS This is the real deal. This is love that springs from friendship and a deep mutual respect for each other. Sagittarius loves excitement and adventure, Aries loves to provide the fun. They both love their independence and freedom, and they’ll get it. They’re both blunt and don’t like to tiptoe around issues, so decision-making is a piece of cake where they constantly find common ground. They make each other happier than they’ve ever been before. Did I mention that the sex is crazy good? Because it’s crazy good. When they’re not being incredibly passionate, they’re also best friends who offer support in everything they do. These two bring out the absolute best in each other, and love is a guarantee.

ARIES and CAPRICORN Capricorn is no nonsense, and Aries just wants to have fun. The two are an odd couple, and one that probably will fall apart after lots of irritating habits and fighting about nothing. Capricorns are focused on their career, success, and all the goals they’ve made for themselves, but Aries isn’t one to cheerlead or give all their attention to someone else’s dreams. Capricorn doesn’t want to waste time with someone who isn’t going to get them where they want to go, and Aries gets bored so easily that Capricorn’s life strategies will seem predictable and dull. When it comes to actually confronting situations, Aries will yell about everything and Capricorn will be silent. Aries love the gestures and the chase, and Capricorn’s reserved until the last, so sex will be a whole lot of teasing before it gets to the pleasing. This results in pretty great sex from all that pent up frustration, but it’s not enough to keep either party invested for the longterm.

ARIES and AQUARIUS These lovebirds will try anything once, when in the bedroom. The sex is fun because Aries loves an exciting challenge and Aquarius just wants to see Aries get weird in the sack. They’re both independent, but Aries’ intensity works well with Aquarius’ free-spirited side. Trust them to do wild things together, with Aquarius bringing their quirky creativity to Aries’ daredevil recklessness. It’s rare to see any level of dependency or neediness in this relationship, but when there’s drama, hoo boy is there drama. One of those rare combinations where this could be fantastic for hooking up, or fantastic for the long run.

ARIES and PISCES You know those two queers who started out fucking but are now the best of friends? That’s Aries and Pisces. They probably hooked up a few times and it was totally fantastic, but there’s no way they could do a real relationship. The connection between them is life-changing and deep, and as friends they are bosom buddies. Pisces is the compassionate sidekick to Aries’ rough rider ways, and they balance each other perfectly when they’re out on the town trying to pick up girls. As lovers? Not really. Pisces idealizes Aries, and Aries will walk all over Pisces without realizing it. Aries won’t respect Pisces as a longterm partner, but they will respect Pisces as a friend. This is one of those things where you know you need to keep the person in your life, but not necessarily up in your privates.

taurus_300x300TAURUS (April 20 – May 20) Taurus enjoys the good things in life. Good food, good sex, good music. You want to be constantly surrounded by everything you love, and a partner who can give you this kind of security is ideal. Taurus is also big on the gestures. Yep, you’re an old-fashioned romantic. You love dinner dates, roses, and go figure, you’re the sign most likely to take their time in taking it to the bedroom. Once you get there, though, there’s no question that you’re a lover who puts everything into the act of worshipping the body. You hold love on a high pedestal and don’t throw the word around lightly. You might even believe in love at first sight, and the concept of The One.

U-Haul Material – Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Scorpio, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Best Lesbros Forever – Aries, Taurus, Leo, Sagittarius

TAURUS and ARIES This is a major lesbromance. We’re talking “take a bullet for each other” kind of lesbromance. These two have each other’s back no matter what. They both party hard, dig the same values in their partners, and are super great wingmen. Taurus is extremely loyal, and Aries needs someone to stick around when they’re jumping headfirst into one thing after the other. Aries completely respects Taurus; mutual respect is essential to their bond. If this turns into love, it’s going to be soul-crushingly beautiful, but more often these two are the best of friends, and that’s just fine, too.

TAURUS and TAURUS Since values are really important to the Taurus, sharing the exact same ones with their partner is going to go a long way. And by long way, I mean they will be taking their sweet time in getting to the dirty. It’ll be a slow-burning making eyes across campus for three years kind of thing, but someone’s going to send somebody a rose with a secret message and then shit is about to go down, because we all know how much Tauruses love the romantic gestures. While love is more than possible, they might both end up a little too comfortable in the pairing. Habits and routines are going to be the soul-crushers with these two. A lot of sitting on the couch watching reruns on Friday nights, which is better suited for your best friend. Sure, slow can be fun and who doesn’t love their Netflix subscription, but even Tauruses need a spark every once and a while. Best to make your fellow Tauruses your crew, or your crew with benefits, but not your automatic partner.

TAURUS and GEMINI Taurus needs security and stability, and that is not in Gemini’s job description. Gemini craves constant newness and isn’t great at followthrough, while Taurus is looking to settle into something comfortable. While Taurus may initially be intrigued by Gemini’s sexy elusive side, their needs are not going to get met, and Gemini will be driven to their worst. A lot of breaking up, getting back together, and then breaking up again. These two will probably never make up their minds about whether or not the relationship is working. Sex could be really good or really bad, depending on both of their moods at the time. It’s going to be the kind of hot mess your friends will be talking about for years to come.

TAURUS and CANCER Explosively good sex, with sensitive Cancer finding true love in Taurus’ romantic arms. It is law. Taurus wants to take it slow, and emotional Cancer finds this kind of passion and attention to needs something they’ve rarely experienced. Cancer needs loyalty and deep love, which is exactly what Taurus lives to provide. There’s going to be a lot of gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings with these two. They are guaranteed to be that couple that makes all their friends vomit, but who even cares? This shit is beautiful.

TAURUS and LEO Best friends forever! Leo’s ego is big but easily bruised, and Taurus’ loyalty and unfailing support is exactly what Leo needs to feel okay about themselves. These two will see each other through thick and thin. Taurus loves being comfortable and Leo loves being lavish, so they’ll bro it out over the finer things in life. Sex is on the table as fun for both, but they’re better suited to be the best friends they can be rather than longterm partners.

TAURUS and VIRGO Reserve the U-Haul now, kids. These two are perfect for each other. Expect these two to find a nice little place in Vermont, where they’ll have a quiet happy existence, maybe breed some retrievers, raise some goats. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that it’s exactly what they both want. Taurus is practical and comfort-seeking, Virgo is grounded and loves to provide that comfort. Taurus is on the earthy, laidback side of things, and Virgo the perfectionist takes care of the details while Taurus tackles the big picture in the most rational way possible. There’s no problem they can’t handle. Patient Taurus calms Virgo’s anxiety, which is exactly what Virgo needs and rarely finds in a partner. It’s totally beautiful.

TAURUS and LIBRA If they can find a way to balance all their differences, this could be really great, but their differences are many. Libra needs to talk everything out, and Taurus isn’t a big talker. Libra also wants constant approval, which Taurus doesn’t feel is necessary or in their rights to give. Taurus feels worn out by Libra, and Libra feels frustrated by Taurus’ stubborn commitment to taking the backseat on every issue that Libra wants to consider. This translates to some possibly awkward give and take in the bedroom. Taurus loves the good things in life, but Libra’s more worried about having the classier things in life, or at least things that will gain Libra more social acceptance. Their view on how others see them and the relationship will probably get in the way of things more than it helps them grow, and that could get super messy super fast, especially if one of them isn’t out or is worried about being out to their family. Think this one through before going all the way, kids.

TAURUS and SCORPIO Hold onto your dildos, because things are about to get kinky. All that pent up possessiveness that both signs crave is going to translate to bondage in the bedroom, with both Taurus and Scorpio playing along. Taurus wants to explore every inch of Scorpio, and Scorpio wants to own Taurus’ soul. This is deep tantric sexy shit. Their intensity might get the better of them at times, and it’s possible for them to become a little *too* wrapped up in each other, neglecting their friends and other commitments in order to put their partner (and their partner’s sexual needs) above all things. This makes for an incredible hookup, but watch yourself once emotions come into play.

TAURUS and SAGITTARIUS Great friends, but not so great at relationships. Sagittarius brings the fun and adventure, and Tauruses are the loyal companions who follow their lesbro through thick and thin. Sagittarius is on the blunt side of things, and Taurus often jumps in to save Sagittarius from certain death in the dyke bar. If they want to take it to the next level, they’ll find themselves stumbling with two very different sets of needs: Sagittarius wants freedom, and Taurus wants security. Love’s a struggle, if they see it there at all, but as two queers on the town, they’re a barrel of friggin’ monkeys.

TAURUS and CAPRICORN Taurus is Capricorn’s ideal mate. Capricorns provide stability to Taurus while ultimately inspiring their partner. Taurus is the cheerleader for all of Capricorn’s hopes and dreams, which are typically big and lofty. There’s nothing the two of them can’t accomplish together. In a relationship, they’re the envy of all their friends and the one couple that no one thinks will ever break up because they’re so perfect together. They are Tina and Bette in the pilot, but only the pilot.

TAURUS and AQUARIUS This will seem like a great drunken idea, but the morning reveals more than a hangover: Flighty Aquarius is no easy match for down to earth Taurus. Aquarius, always thinking outside the box and craving new things, will find Taurus “boring,” even if Taurus is just looking to get comfortable. And it’ll be hard to get comfortable with Aquarius, who locks away Taurus’ heart and then forgets the combination, in typical Aquarian style. Taurus sees romance in everything, though, even in Aquarius’ complex way of seeing the world and their tendency to want to explore everything from a different angle. Maybe those angles are worth exploring for a night, but this is not a walk in the park when attempted as a relationship.

TAURUS and PISCES Opposites attract, and dreamy Pisces will probably see a total hunk in the strong and quiet Taurus. Pisces lives in a sensual world already, and Taurus has no problem taking them to another level of passion with their earthy love of worshiping the body. Of course, Pisces has a tendency to idealize, and Taurus’ quiet nature will make it easy for Pisces to fill in the gaps, sometimes incorrectly. There’s a deep tantric connection here, but if they want to make it in the big leagues, they’ll need to tone down the fantasies that drive their relationship.

gemini_300x300GEMINI (May 21 – June 20) Gemini is all about brain power. You think that an intellectualism and wit that rivals your own is the pinnacle of sexiness. You’ve probably entertained the sexy librarian fantasy more than once in your life. You’re known for your text messages that say all the right things, and you’ve picked up a lady or two on puns alone. You are a great communicator, and you’ll find you’re loved for your mind even more than your sweet body. Of all the signs, you’re the most likely to experience anxiety and withdraw into your psyche as a defense mechanism, and your ideal partner knows how to draw you out of that space and keep your brain agile at the same time.

U-Haul Material – Aries, Libra, Aquarius

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Gemini, Scorpio, Capricorn

Beware of Trainwreck – Taurus, Cancer, Virgo

Best Lesbros Forever – Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces

GEMINI and ARIES You can’t turn down the heat with these babes. Aries is everything Gemini finds attractive in a partner. The sex is mind-blowingly good. The chemistry flows with witty banter, and you better believe their brains have been doing the dirty before they even got undressed. This is sexy librarian shit right here. While the sexual compatibility is off the charts, longterm relationships might not be in the cards for these kids. Count on an Aries to get hot and bothered when they spy Gemini, but Gemini doesn’t like the constant attention and neediness of Aries, while Aries needs to be entertained in order to maintain interest. At the end of the day, these two might actually be too good for each other. They’re smart enough to realize that it’s worth being fuckbuddies, but they’ve got very different needs in longer relationships and there’s no need to sour the sex with emotional malarkey.

GEMINI and TAURUS Taurus needs security and stability, and that is not in Gemini’s job description. Gemini craves constant newness and isn’t great at followthrough, while Taurus is looking to settle into something comfortable. While Taurus may initially be intrigued by Gemini’s sexy elusive side, their needs are not going to get met, and Gemini will be driven to their worst. A lot of breaking up, getting back together, and then breaking up again. These two will probably never make up their minds about whether or not the relationship is working. Sex could be really good or really bad, depending on both of their moods at the time. It’s going to be the kind of hot mess your friends will be talking about for years to come.

GEMINI and GEMINI Never a dull moment with a pair of twins. Gemini on Gemini is intellectually spicy and make sure these two are the life of every party. There is undeniable chemistry, and they’ve been exchanging sexy banter since the first time they met, but turning this into a longterm affair is going to be more trouble than it might be worth. Gemini’s attention span is not particularly lengthy, and their interest in the relationship may wane before its time. And between the two of them, decision making is going to be a headache and a half – neither knows how to be firm on an issue, and seriousness is something they can only see in a negative light. A night or two will be fun and sexy as all hell, but trying for the long run is going to be a task, and Geminis are not fond of tasks.

GEMINI and CANCER This is a relationship best left untested. Cancer’s sensitive and emotional side demands a great deal from the mercurial Gemini, and Gemini has always found neediness to be a turn-off. They might hit it off at Queer Speed Dating when Gemini’s smooth talking makes Cancer swoon, and Cancer’s lack of communication is fascinating to intellectual Gemini, who might see the crab as a puzzle to solve. Unfortunately, the solved puzzle only reveals that Cancer’s deep emotions need someone to slowly and surely appreciate them, and Gemini’s attention is on new and more stimulating things faster than your iTunes switches to a Robyn song. If Gemini figures out that feelings can be fascinating unto themselves, and if Cancer can learn to communicate, there might be a potential for something here, but it’ll take careful navigation.

GEMINI and LEO Gemini loves excitement, and Leo’s dynamic edge means that there’s never a dull moment in the limelight. Gemini will be immediately drawn to the command Leo has over a social scene, and Leo loves that Gemini keeps everyone on their feet with a witty commentary. Both are masters of communication and expression, and when their powers are combined, they’re an unstoppable force. As lovers, their pairing is more complicated, as Leo tends to be in charge of a situation whether it was their intention or not, and Gemini lives for freedom and hates authority, which means that making decisions and taking the lead is guaranteed to be a problem area. These two might be better in the best friend category where they can be uncompromisable equals, rather than wrestling for control of a relationship.

GEMINI and VIRGO It would be difficult to find a less emotionally compatible match than these two. Virgo brings lots of demands to any relationship, and demands and needs are something that Gemini generally hates. Gemini wants someone to provide them with fun and witty banter to keep things heated, but Virgo sides with seriousness and wants romance to build from meaningful dialogues and deep conversations. Virgo’s issues are translated as fussy, and Gemini’s issues are translated as flighty. Not even the sex is going to be that great, because Virgo wants all love-making to have great emotional meaning, and Gemini doesn’t need all that seriousness in the bedroom. Neither is going to find what they need in the other person unless they try extremely hard to see from the other’s point of view. This will take work, but since both are ruled by Mercury, a successful relationship would be incredibly powerful, though rare.

GEMINI and LIBRA There are gigantic hearts in the eyes of these two when they meet. Libra just wants to talk about art and books, and Gemini falls heads over heels for Libra’s natural balance between nerd and beauty. Libra is always working on a new project, and Gemini is more than happy to come along for the ride. Because both are naturally balanced by dual sides, they bring an extreme amount of harmony to the negotiation of a relationship, as well as the bedroom. There may not be as much passion here, but it’s the kind of partnership that could last forever.

GEMINI and SCORPIO Sexy debates and passionate power plays are what Gemini and Scorpio are all about. Sure, it doesn’t make for a very happy romance, but it does make for one hell of an adventure. Gemini enjoys an intellectual challenge, and Scorpio loves a challenge for the sake of a challenge. Their bed is on fire, but so is the rest of their relationship, and there’s no way that they’re not walking away from this thoroughly burned. It will probably make a tumultuous storyline worthy of the The L Word, but it seems almost cruel to put these two through this much intensity.

GEMINI and SAGITTARIUS Gemini is all about that freedom, but no worries, because so is Sagittarius. Their shared love for adventure and creative change makes them the perfect partners for all kinds of romps, and they’re totally down for exploring new things in mind, spirit, and body. They’re so similar that it’s impossible they wouldn’t be friends, and if romance doesn’t work out, they’re sure to be the bestest friends any adventurer could possibly want. Whether it’s leaping through a mosh pit at a Tegan and Sara concert or shouting to each other about exciting new queer theory, their minds were made for each other.

GEMINI and CAPRICORN As far as chemistry goes, this is yet another moment of opposites attract. Capricorn lives by the tried and true rules that are gonna get them ahead, and is often accused of being a little too square. Gemini just wants to get under their skin and shake them up a little, get them to see outside of the box for a few hours. One night stand? Hot. Actual relationship? Ouch. In their approach to life, they are complete polar opposites, and not even in a sexy way. Gemini believes rules are meant to be broken and re-examined. Capricorn refuses to break rules, and is obsessed with achieving their many intense goals. Gemini thinks goals are social constructions. If these two can make it work, goddess bless them, but it’s going to be an uphill climb from day one.

GEMINI and AQUARIUS Their eyes meet across the crowded room. Gemini is telling a clever joke that keeps everyone laughing, but Aquarius sees the extra level of wordplay beneath the punchline. It’s love at first sight. These two were made to understand each other: Gemini lives in the world of the mind, and Aquarius is all about imagination. Both are social butterflies with a creative streak, and they bring out the absolute best in each other. Gemini draws new and exciting people to them to keep their intellect stimulated, and Aquarius lives off of the energy all these new people bring. It’s the perfect symbiotic relationship in the most non-weird way possible.

GEMINI and PISCES Gemini loves to understand new things, and Pisces intuitively understands their peers. They’re both open-minded and interested in new ways of thinking and living, and when their minds get together, super dreamy Pisces has way too much fun with the elevated brain of Gemini. While there isn’t a lot of spark or chemistry here, there is a quiet understanding of each other that allows them to do just about anything together and be perfectly content. Painting each other’s nails and talking about abstract theory is everything these two want in a bestie.

cancer_300x300CANCER (June 21-July 22) You’re a big sweetheart with an intense maternal instinct. You’ve got a gigantic heart that you wear on your sleeve, and you defend the ones you love with a fierce sense of loyalty. In life, you’re all about a cozy home and a harmonious family, whether that means blood relations or the queer family you’ve built in their place. In love, you’re the nurturer whose intense emotions might come across as moody, but whose feelings are worth the effort. You’re sensitive and soulful, and the sign most likely to settle down first – you’re the queer that isn’t always joking when you bring up a U-Haul.

U-Haul Material – Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Leo, Scorpio, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Sagittarius, Aquarius

Best Lesbros Forever – Libra, Capricorn

CANCER and ARIES Cancer and Aries are the kind of pairing that are perfect for a night of intense loving, or for bringing home to meet the parents. The sex is equal parts emotion and animal lust. Cancer opens up the less-emotional Aries, and Aries throws all their passion into loving Cancer, which is enough to make any sensitive Cancer swoon. A long relationship will require some compromise, since Cancer’s feelings are easily hurt and Aries are not known for their subtlety. Luckily their differences are not enough that they can’t be learned and adjusted. The sex is fantastic and keeps Aries coming back for more, while the deep love and compassion makes Cancer pretty hopelessly in love with Aries. Expect commitment ceremonies and sperm donors in the near future.

CANCER and TAURUS Explosively good sex, with sensitive Cancer finding true love in Taurus’ romantic arms. It is law. Taurus wants to take it slow, and emotional Cancer finds this kind of passion and attention to needs something they’ve rarely experienced. Cancer needs loyalty and deep love, which is exactly what Taurus lives to provide. There’s going to be a lot of gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings with these two. They are guaranteed to be that couple that makes all their friends vomit, but who even cares? This shit is beautiful.

CANCER and GEMINI This is a relationship best left untested. Cancer’s sensitive and emotional side demands a great deal from the mercurial Gemini, and Gemini has always found neediness to be a turn-off. They might hit it off at Queer Speed Dating when Gemini’s smooth talking makes Cancer swoon, and Cancer’s lack of communication is fascinating to intellectual Gemini, who might see the crab as a puzzle to solve. Unfortunately, the solved puzzle only reveals that Cancer’s deep emotions need someone to slowly and surely appreciate them, and Gemini’s attention is on new and more stimulating things faster than your iTunes switches to a Robyn song. If Gemini figures out that feelings can be fascinating unto themselves, and if Cancer can learn to communicate, there might be a potential for something here, but it’ll take careful navigation.

CANCER and CANCER Cancer on Cancer means an intense drive to find home in one another, and with their understanding of each other’s unique emotional needs, home is where the heart is. Happiest when they are together in the comforts of their very well-stocked love shack, these two enjoy nothing more than staying in bed and cuddling all day. Since their emotions are easily hurt, fights between them are often pretty devastating, but they’re also fastest to heal because a pair of Cancers innately understand the unique ways a crab heart can break and mend. And it’s unlikely this relationship is going to end any time soon, since the Cancer extreme dedication to commitment and loyalty is alive and well when two Cancers get together. Expect a dual purchase of a Prius any day now.

CANCER and LEO Fire and water are always a potent combination, and here there’s a definite sexual chemistry that keeps the two hot and bothered. Cancer is immediately into the status that Leo brings to the room, and Leo feels charmed the moment the Crab starts stroking their ego. When they’re done flirting about their history of alternative lifestyle haircuts, they’re going to be ripping each other’s clothes off. Is it a hot night? Damn right. Will it last forever? Maybe not. Leo likes to live large, which doesn’t always mean the safe and secure nest that Cancer prefers. Leo’s a leader whether they want to be or not, but Cancer knows all about their sensitive side, a tender underbelly that they don’t mind snipping at when in one of their famous moods. Tread carefully, queerios.

CANCER and VIRGO If you befriend a Cancer and Virgo, you can expect that brunch at their place is going to be spectacular. Their home is perfection, their lives are on track, and they’re on Bette and Tina pilot episode vibes. These two are both known for their U-Haul tendencies, and for once, they’ve found a mate who feels the same way about making joint purchases on dining room sets. Virgos live to make their partner happy and to improve their life to the fullest, and Cancer’s a sucker for someone who takes the time to love them the right way, especially in spite of their moodier nature. It’s a match made in Crate and Barrel heaven.

CANCER and LIBRA They first bond over a shared love for an artist or musician, because they’ve both got an innate interest in the beautiful things in life. Unfortunately, after the first conversation, Cancer thinks Libra’s a bit of a snob, and Libra thinks Cancer needs to get out more. But who would have thought that first impressions would lead to a killer friendship? Libra’s balancing nature is perfect for Cancer, who needs a little nurturing every once in a while. They have the same interests, the same taste, and they care a lot about that taste in the people they call friends. They’re chilling at concerts, getting too excited at the zine festival, and admiring each other’s matching (and gorgeous) tattoos. As lovers, it’s a tough go between moody Cancer and indecisive Libra, since Cancer likes to pick a fight when they’re bothered and Libra can’t decide which side of the argument they’re on, but as friends they’re taking over the gayborhood.

CANCER and SCORPIO Damn. Both of these signs are super intense in everything they do, and the resulting sexual intensity is off the charts. Cancer is immediately drawn to brooding passionate Scorpio, and Scorpio loves that Cancer wants to see them at their most powerful and protective. They’re a possessive duo, so the bedroom is going to get totally trashed in the process of all these passion plays. Because both like their secrets, with Cancer keeping as much in their shell as they’d like, and Scorpio forever unpredictable, the passion can get a little dangerous, but it’s definitely a hot kind of dangerous. Can it last? Maybe not, since Cancer wants security and Scorpio is not what we’d call stable. The sex in the meantime is enough to keep them coming back for more regardless.

CANCER and SAGITTARIUS What seems like a good idea in the heat of the moment doesn’t look as good in the morning. Didn’t Bright Eyes write a song about that? Well, Cancer will be listening to a lot of Bright Eyes after Sagittarius takes a romp through their life. Sagittarius wants adventure, and freedom to seek the next thrill, and Cancer wants comfort, security, and someone to love them in all the right nurturing ways. Tread carefully, kids, because these two could not be more different in their approaches to life, and unless those differences are mapped out, it’s going to be a rough go.

CANCER and CAPRICORN They may be on opposite ends of the zodiac, but Cancer and Capricorn do a fantastic job of balancing each other out. Capricorn’s overly logical side is well matched by Cancer’s emotional center. Sexual chemistry is not at the forefront of this relationship and they’re probably much better suited for friendship than love, but no one can doubt that they bring out the best in each other. They’re both known for being ridiculously loyal and persistent, so they’ve got each other’s backs no matter what. In a relationship, this could lead to some hard-headed fighting when it comes to the bigger decisions, but damn it all if they don’t stick it through on principal alone.

CANCER and AQUARIUS Opposites attract? Sort of. Aquarius wants to hit the club and douse themselves in glow paint, Cancer wants to stay in and hate-watch The Real L Word. Cancers feel their way through decisions and rely on emotions to guide them, Aquarius goes the experimental route. It’s rare that these two will find something they agree on, but that’s not to say there isn’t something sparking there regardless. Water and air make for an interesting combination, especially in the bedroom. Aquarius flits from one bed to the next without a lot of issues, but sex with Cancer is an emotional affair that’s expected to lead somewhere homey. There might be something to learn from the encounter, but it’ll take a lot of work to make it something more.

CANCER and PISCES There’s an immediate sense of intimacy when Cancer and Pisces cross paths. Cancer can’t help but fall hard for Pisces’ sympathetic nature, and Pisces loves that Cancer has a soulful side. The bond between them is ridiculously strong, and with two water signs suddenly embracing, it’s the kind of sex that you sob tears of joy over. Cancer is ready to settle down, though, and Pisces is still always on that journey towards themselves, always living in a dreamscape just out of reach, so there is a bit of tension in their goals for each other. If it turns to a lifelong love, it’ll be all the stronger, but it might be that their differences are just enough to make them appreciate the glorious sex on its own.

leo_300x300LEO (July 23 – August 22) As a Leo, you’re the life of the gay club, and for a good reason. Your personality is downright magnetic, and your charming ways sometimes get you in more trouble than you’d like to admit. Of all the signs, you are the one most focused on pleasure, and you’re happiest when you’re seeking it, acquiring it, and then living your life soaked in it. You’re known to your friends as the one most likely to fall in love overnight, and you often have difficulty reining in all those big and dynamic feelings for your crushes. Don’t book the queer-friendly chapel yet, Leo. And try to keep it in your pants for once.

U-Haul Material – Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Aries, Cancer, Leo

Beware of Trainwreck – Virgo, Scorpio

Best Lesbros Forever – Taurus, Gemini, Capricorn

LEO and ARIES Aries and Leo will definitely bang. If it hasn’t happened yet, it will happen soon. Aries loves to make the first move and Leo loves to feel attractive. Both of them know they’re good, so the bedroom becomes an epic wrestling match for two giant egos, but it’s a win-win for both parties. There will probably be a lot of fighting over who gets to top first, but it’ll be super hot. When you put two fire signs together, it usually means explosive sex olympics. While they have the potential to be a powerful duo, they’re both egotistical, stubborn, and prone to wandering eyes the moment they don’t feel their needs being met. Unless they’re both actively flattering the other, it’s going to be hard to keep the flame of longevity and commitment going. Better to just be lesbros with benefits.

LEO and TAURUS Best friends forever! Leo’s ego is big but easily bruised, and Taurus’ loyalty and unfailing support is exactly what Leo needs to feel okay about themselves. These two will see each other through thick and thin. Taurus loves being comfortable and Leo loves being lavish, so they’ll bro it out over the finer things in life. Sex is on the table as fun for both, but they’re better suited to be the best friends they can be rather than longterm partners.

LEO and GEMINI Gemini loves excitement, and Leo’s dynamic edge means that there’s never a dull moment in the limelight. Gemini will be immediately drawn to the command Leo has over a social scene, and Leo loves that Gemini keeps everyone on their feet with a witty commentary. Both are masters of communication and expression, and when their powers are combined, they’re an unstoppable force. As lovers, their pairing is more complicated, as Leo tends to be in charge of a situation whether it was their intention or not, and Gemini lives for freedom and hates authority, which means that making decisions and taking the lead is guaranteed to be a problem area. These two might be better in the best friend category where they can be uncompromisable equals, rather than wrestling for control of a relationship.

LEO and CANCER Fire and water are always a potent combination, and here there’s a definite sexual chemistry that keeps the two hot and bothered. Cancer is immediately into the status that Leo brings to the room, and Leo feels charmed the moment the Crab starts stroking their ego. When they’re done flirting about their history of alternative lifestyle haircuts, they’re going to be ripping each other’s clothes off. Is it a hot night? Damn right. Will it last forever? Maybe not. Leo likes to live large, which doesn’t always mean the safe and secure nest that Cancer prefers. Leo’s a leader whether they want to be or not, but Cancer knows all about their sensitive side, a tender underbelly that they don’t mind snipping at when in one of their famous moods. Tread carefully, queerios.

LEO and LEO Damn. Talk about an attractive pair. These two will steal the spotlight everywhere they go, and from their first meeting, it’s going to be all kinds of intense. The chemistry is off the charts, and after admiring each other’s perfect hair, they’re going to be ripping off their clothes and fighting to finish last. Two fire signs make for one scorched bed, but they may provide some scorching elsewhere that is not as well-received. Leos tend to attract drama, tend to fall in love overnight, and a pair of lions will undoubtedly provide an emotional rollercoaster worthy of cautionary tales. They may be fire, but hot and cold is a good way to describe their interactions, and with egos that are easily bruised, all this running into each other is going to lead to two very sore and sad Leos. The sex may be off the charts, but a relationship is probably much more than these two can bear.

LEO and VIRGO Blushing Virgo falls for the charming Leo from the first, and Leo likes just about anyone who likes them in return. Unfortunately, they’ve got little in common beyond their affection for each other, and that affection might wear thin once perfectionist Virgo starts to point out Leo’s flaws, which is the number one no-no in Leo’s little black book. Leo deflates under Virgo’s criticisms, even if Virgo is just trying to help their lion get to their best. Virgo takes the quiet route while Leo keeps tumbling headfirst into the spotlight, and Leo might start to feel a lack of support from Virgo, while Virgo isn’t sure Leo is even aware of their needs anymore. If they can take the time to be very careful with each other’s very specific needs, it just might work, but work it will be.

LEO and LIBRA These two are all over each other from day one, and it’s just too darn cute. Libras lovs lavish Leo and can’t help but show their partner off. Leos are tickled by Libra’s natural charm, and their ego has never been stroked better. They’re the couple that continually brags to their friends about their a-MAY-zing partner. That’s because they only have good things to report – they both provide exactly what the other needs in a relationship, with their chief strengths balancing the other’s. This is a pair that gets shit done. Leo’s a leader with plans, and Libra’s someone who knows how to finish the job. That translates to exactly what you think it means in the bedroom.

LEO and SCORPIO Fire and water most definitely make steam, and Leo’s brand of fire sure does heat things up. Unfortunately, the chemistry between Leo and Scorpio fizzles fast when it comes to the way they navigate life, as both want to take the lead, and Leo’s need to socialize doesn’t sit well with possessive Scorpio. Leo struggles to be anything but genuine in their outward emotions, and Scorpio’s more secretive sides drive them up a wall. If there’s a major disagreement in the relationship, expect it to remain unresolved for years, as Scorpio refuses to compromise, and Leo refuses to give up on their beliefs. If they want to make something of this situation, it’ll take a lot of work, and not just the kind of work a Rodeoh does, as that’s the kind of work these two might keep resorting to when push comes to shove.

LEO and SAGITTARIUS Leo has probably had a crush on Sagittarius for a while, because everyone has a crush on Sagittarius! Luckily, Sagittarius can’t resist a queer who makes big entrances, and Leo’s more than happy to align themselves with another life of the party. These kids are wild. Fire on fire means the passion is off the hook, and when it comes to social lives, these two are fun magnets. Everyone already gravitates to people-loving Leos and Sags, and together they are completely irresistible. It pays to follow them around at Pride, because they are going to have a super good time no matter where they go. When they’re not living life to the fullest, they’re bringing out the best in each other, with Sag grounding Leo and Leo teaching Sag some manners. This is a powerful match that means happiness for everyone around them.

LEO and CAPRICORN An unlikely pair, these two end up balancing each other very well. No one thought studious and serious Capricorn would ever start hanging out with loud and proud Leo, but it turns out that they create a unique little harmony that no one saw coming. Capricorn may still roll their eyes at Leo’s social bravado, and Leo’s always trying to get Capricorn to “just live a little,” but it makes for two people who genuinely care about the other, and are loyal through thick and thin. Leo is loyal to the ones they love, and Capricorn is well-known for their persistence and devotion. These two have each other’s back no matter what, even when they cannot see eye to eye on anything else. As lovers, it’s a difficult situation both are ridiculously stubborn, and when matters of the heart don’t align, it’s going to take forever for them to understand one another. As friends, they bring out the best in each other, and the differences between them don’t ruin the dedication they’ve cultivated together.

LEO and AQUARIUS This is a super duper power couple. There is literally nothing these two can’t accomplish together. Don’t be surprised if they take over the world, or at the very least become celesbians. Both are idealists with goals that drive them – Aquarius has big humanitarian dreams and Leo the leader can make them happen. The melding of their traits put all of these dreams into action, and for two idealists, no project is too lofty. Aquarius sees the tender sides of Leo and is more than happy to soothe them, while Leo is smitten with Aquarius’ creativity, something they highly value in a partner. They are each other’s muses, and these are a pair of queers to watch.

LEO and PISCES Leo is crazy about Pisces from the first time they meet. Pisces are always dreamy, and Leo can’t help but fall head over heels for the dreamiest babe at the zine festival. Leo is in love with love itself, and Pisces brings out their romantic side, with Leo pulling out all the big stops to get Pisces on their level. Of course, Pisces’ dreaminess is not shallow, and their natural intuition makes them find and adore all the parts of Leo that Leo’s prone to keeping to themselves, a little gesture that the lion’s ego finds irresistible. Fire and water mean the chemistry is crazy good, and the bedroom is a place for mutual admiration as much as sexual Olympics. Pisces tones down Leo’s larger than life side and keeps them from overdoing themselves, and Leo gets Pisces out from the inner journey and gets them excited about the world around them. They’re sweethearts from the start, and it doesn’t look to end any time soon.

virgo_300x300VIRGO (August 23 – September 22) Virgos just want to make everyone happy, and it’s the thing that brings you the most joy and the most pain. You want to bring out the best in all the loved ones that surround you, and you’re willing to do whatever is needed to get them there. More than any sign, you’re the most driven to help others, and it shows in the depth of your relationships. You’re all about the details, which means nothing is left untouched in the bedroom. You can be counted on to get it done – whether it’s a work project or that cute butch you’ve been eyeing.

U-Haul Material – Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Gemini, Leo

Best Lesbros Forever – Sagitarrius

VIRGO and ARIES Virgo makes Aries want to show off and charm them the old-fashioned way, and Virgo loves Aries’ courageous streak. Expect Aries to woo Virgo by sticking up for them in public, beating off the gross dude at the bar, or straight up asking Virgo to go home with them. While it’ll definitely be a fun night, this is dangerous relationship material. Aries’ ego is needy, and Virgo gives and gives and gives. Borderline abusive behavior could easily become part of this dynamic. Virgos are already prone to worrying and fussing, and trust them to pour all of their energy into loving and caring for Aries, regardless of Aries reciprocating. And Aries might not reciprocate, given the fact that Aries is going to think of Aries first and foremost. Aries also do best with a partner they respect, and their differences will make it difficult for them to respect Virgo, which is a recipe for disaster. Aries will get bored and look for something else, and Virgo will likely cling until they’re shaken off, coming away bruised and sorry. Proceed with caution, clamdivers.

VIRGO and TAURUS Reserve the U-Haul now, kids. These two are perfect for each other. Expect these two to find a nice little place in Vermont, where they’ll have a quiet happy existence, maybe breed some retrievers, raise some goats. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that it’s exactly what they both want. Taurus is practical and comfort-seeking, Virgo is grounded and loves to provide that comfort. Taurus is on the earthy, laidback side of things, and Virgo the perfectionist takes care of the details while Taurus tackles the big picture in the most rational way possible. There’s no problem they can’t handle. Patient Taurus calms Virgo’s anxiety, which is exactly what Virgo needs and rarely finds in a partner. It’s totally beautiful.

VIRGO and GEMINI It would be difficult to find a less emotionally compatible match than these two. Virgo brings lots of demands to any relationship, and demands and needs are something that Gemini generally hates. Gemini wants someone to provide them with fun and witty banter to keep things heated, but Virgo sides with seriousness and wants romance to build from meaningful dialogues and deep conversations. Virgo’s issues are translated as fussy, and Gemini’s issues are translated as flighty. Not even the sex is going to be that great, because Virgo wants all love-making to have great emotional meaning, and Gemini doesn’t need all that seriousness in the bedroom. Neither is going to find what they need in the other person unless they try extremely hard to see from the other’s point of view. This will take work, but since both are ruled by Mercury, a successful relationship would be incredibly powerful, though rare.

VIRGO and CANCER If you befriend a Cancer and Virgo, you can expect that brunch at their place is going to be spectacular. Their home is perfection, their lives are on track, and they’re on Bette and Tina pilot episode vibes. These two are both known for their U-Haul tendencies, and for once, they’ve found a mate who feels the same way about making joint purchases on dining room sets. Virgo lives to make their partner happy and improve their life to the fullest, and Cancer’s a sucker for someone who takes the time to love them the right way, especially in spite of their moodier nature. It’s a match made in Crate and Barrel heaven.

VIRGO and LEO Blushing Virgo falls for the charming Leo from the first, and Leo likes just about anyone who likes them in return. Unfortunately, they’ve got little in common beyond their affection for each other, and that affection might wear thin once perfectionist Virgo starts to point out Leo’s flaws, which is the number one no-no in Leo’s little black book. Leo deflates under Virgo’s criticisms, even if Virgo is just trying to help their lion get to their best. Virgo takes the quiet route while Leo keeps tumbling headfirst into the spotlight, and Leo might start to feel a lack of support from Virgo, while Virgo isn’t sure Leo is even aware of their needs anymore. If they can take the time to be very careful with each other’s very specific needs, it just might work, but work it will be.

VIRGO and VIRGO When it comes to being in love, a pair of Virgo’s love for each other could power most of North America. No one is more devoted or committed to caring for the other, and their helping nature means they’re always improving each other’s lives.  Their house is spotless, their kids have got it together (and yes, they will probably be having kids soon, if they don’t already), and their lives seem nothing short of perfection. That’s because Virgo doesn’t know how to aim for anything but perfect. Their deep understanding of each other allows them to navigate the touchier situations prompted by their perfectionist stances, and even when they’re in one of their critical moods, they appreciate the other’s sincere attention to details. They might appear intimidating to all their friends because their lives are just *that* together, but everyone’s overjoyed to see picky Virgo finally fall for someone who gets all their little quirks.

VIRGO and LIBRA Libra loves the finer things in life, and Virgo is one of those finer things. Virgo’s attention to detail and need for everything in its rightful place might irk other signs, but Libra finds it irresistible. They’re making out at art galleries and the opera and getting highly sexual after antiquing on the weekends. Virgos are the last to admit it, but they’re actually huge suckers for charmers, and Libra is the sign that charms for a living. Unfortunately, Libra can take the charm a little too far, and Virgo might start to think their shallow side is too frivolous, which is not at all in Virgo’s serious life plans. While Virgo’s not usually one for flings, the chemistry between them means that there’s no way they’re not getting it on, and even if it doesn’t last, there’s going to be a lot of beautiful antique furniture to fight over and remind them that at least they had that glorious sex life.

VIRGO and SCORPIO Intensity is the name of the game when these two get together. Virgo wants sex to be serious and passionate, and Scorpio doesn’t know how to have sex any other way. Virgo is immediately drawn to brooding Scorpio, and Scorpio’s love for power fits perfectly with Virgo’s love for order. In the bedroom, it’s a level of intensity that most signs wouldn’t even want to handle. And they do spend a lot of time in the bedroom, because neither is a social butterfly, and when they’re alone together they seem to get the most done. Unfortunately, Virgo’s not really prepared for Scorpio’s unpredictable sides, and their perfectionist nature means they might have trouble dealing with Scorpio’s outbursts of hidden emotions. If they can work at their high standards, they might make the relationship succeed, but no one said that the sex wasn’t already a wild success.

VIRGO and SAGITTARIUS While a relationship might not be the best idea for these two, they’re best friends first. Both are fantastic at balancing the other, with Virgo’s practicality a plus for Sagittarius, and Sagittarius’ need for freedom is not a problem for Virgo, who just wants to give the other person what’s best for them. Sagittarius isn’t fond of Virgo’s perfectionist side, and might feel pressure when Virgo tries to put Sag’s crazy life in order. Virgo thinks Sag is too high energy and needs a life plan. If they can overlook these critiques of the other, they actually balance each other super well on the wingwoman front, and as friends, they’re a loyal pair. As lovers, there might be too many obstacles for this to go anywhere but south…and not the sexy ‘going south’.

VIRGO and CAPRICORN Talk about a couple that gets it done! Capricorn and Virgo are two pragmatic queers who are obsessed with hard work. You better hope this isn’t a work relationship, because they’re probably going to take over the company. Capricorn has ambitions, and Virgo just wants to see them reach all their goals. Their attention to details means no inch is left untouched in the bedroom, and since they’re both notoriously picky, they come together as a result of feeling the other is perfect and deserving of this relationship. Once they hook up, they’re hooking up for good, because they come to see that in their world of super high standards, no one else compares 2 u.

VIRGO and AQUARIUS They’re going to drive each other crazy, either the good crazy or the bad crazy, but it’ll definitely translate to something sexy. Aquarius represents everything that drives Virgo up the wall. Virgo likes plans and down to earth goals, Aquarius likes experimenting and isn’t the best at follow-through. Aquarius wants to keep it fresh and new, Virgo loves a comfortable routine. They might irritate each other’s tender parts, but they might just have the best parts for scratching those particular itches. At some point, their frustration with their opposite status will probably lead to explosive sexual culmination, as Aquarius just wants to get Virgo to shake it up a little, and Virgo’s tight-assed lifestyle sometimes yearns for a little danger they’ll never own up to later. Just beware folks, because when these two queers go for it, they are definitely going to explode.

VIRGO and PISCES These two have a deep and consuming love for one another. They are on very similar emotional levels, and there might be a few tears of joys following their sex lives. Pisces has an intense sympathy and emotional intuition that lets them tap into all of sensitive Virgo’s needs. And since Pisces are prone to forgetting to take care of themselves in order to do the same for someone else, Virgo’s impulse to nurture means that Pisces is always taken care of. It’s the perfect balance for two people who live to find love.

libra_300x300LIBRA (September 23 – October 22) As a Libra, you are one suave motherfucker. Do you appreciate art, beauty, and the finer things in life? You thrive on them. Do you know how to charm the most beautiful lady at the gallery opening, ballet, or feminist punk show? Probably, once you’ve got your groove on. Libras live for other people and finding the perfect person (or a few perfect people) is the ultimate goal in your life. If you can get your smooth-talking hands on someone who has the same intense sense of justice and set of values,  you are pleased as punch. Until then, you have no problem talking the nearest hottie into a date with nothing but a rose and some playing cards.

U-Haul Material – Gemini, Leo, Libra, Aquarius

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Taurus, Capricorn

Best Lesbros Forever – Cancer, Scorpio

LIBRA and ARIES You know that couple who are such utter and complete opposites that no one can understand why they bought a cat together? Aries and Libra are that couple. Opposites in every single way, the “opposites attract” mantra will only work for the first encounter or two. Once they start fully expressing their personalities, it might be time to divide up the fiestaware and vegan cookbooks. Libra values fairness and deep consideration before decisions, Aries values being headstrong and sticking to your gut. Libra thinks Aries is a pompous ass, Aries thinks Libra is a wishy-washy weakling. It’ll take a lot of processing to make this work, and even though we queers love processing, this pair might murder each other before getting all their feelings out. If you can avoid this hookup, it will save you a lot of frustrated tears and grudge-watching The L Word.

LIBRA and TAURUS If they can find a way to balance all their differences, this could be really great, but their differences are many. Libra needs to talk everything out, and Taurus isn’t a big talker. Libra also wants constant approval, which Taurus doesn’t feel is necessary or in their rights to give. Taurus feels worn out by Libra, and Libra feels frustrated by Taurus’ stubborn commitment to taking the backseat on every issue that Libra wants to consider. This translates to some possibly awkward give and take in the bedroom. Taurus loves the good things in life, but Libra’s more worried about having the classier things in life, or at least things that will gain Libra more social acceptance. Their view on how others see them and the relationship will probably get in the way of things more than it helps them grow, and that could get super messy super fast, especially if one of them isn’t out or is worried about being out to their family. Think this one through before going all the way, kids.

LIBRA and GEMINI There are gigantic hearts in the eyes of these two when they meet. Libra just wants to talk about art and books, and Gemini falls heads over heels for Libra’s natural balance between nerd and beauty. Libra is always working on a new project, and Gemini is more than happy to come along for the ride. Because both are naturally balanced by dual sides, they bring an extreme amount of harmony to the negotiation of a relationship, as well as the bedroom. There may not be as much passion here, but it’s the kind of partnership that could last forever.

LIBRA and CANCER They first bond over a shared love for an artist or musician, because they’ve both got an innate interest in the beautiful things in life. Unfortunately, after the first conversation, Cancer thinks Libra’s a bit of a snob, and Libra thinks Cancer needs to get out more. But who would have thought that first impressions would lead to a killer friendship? Libra’s balancing nature is perfect for Cancer, who needs a little nurturing every once in a while. They have the same interests, the same taste, and they care a lot about that taste in the people they call friends. They’re chilling at concerts, getting too excited at the art gallery, and admiring each other’s matching (and gorgeous) tattoos. As lovers, it’s a tough go between moody Cancer and indecisive Libra, since Cancer likes to pick a fight when they’re bothered and Libra can’t decide which side of the argument they’re on, but as friends they’re taking over the gayborhood.

LIBRA and LEO These two are all over each other from day one, and it’s just too darn cute. Libra loves lavish Leo and can’t help but show their partner off. Leo is tickled by Libra’s natural charm, and their ego has never been stroked better. They’re the couple that continually brags to their friends about their a-MAY-zing partner. That’s because they only have good things to report – they both provide exactly what the other needs in a relationship, with their chief strengths balancing the other’s. This is a pair that gets shit done. Leo’s a leader with plans, and Libra’s someone who knows how to finish the job. That translates to exactly what you think it means in the bedroom.

LIBRA and VIRGO Virgo’s attention to detail and need for everything in its rightful place might irk other signs, but Libra finds it irresistible. They’re making out at art galleries and the opera and getting highly sexual after antiquing on the weekends. Virgo’s the last to admit it, but they’re actually huge suckers for charmers, and Libra is the sign that charms for a living. Unfortunately, Libra can take the charm a little too far, and Virgo might start to think their shallow side is too frivolous, which is not at all in Virgo’s serious life plans. While Virgo’s not usually one for flings, the chemistry between them means that there’s no way they’re not getting it on, and even if it doesn’t last, there’s going to be a lot of beautiful antique furniture to fight over and remind them that at least they had that glorious sex life.

LIBRA and LIBRA Not surprising at all, these two well-balanced people lead to a very well-balanced love life. They both love the finer things in life, and their resulting abode is ridiculously fine. They love giving each other lavish gifts, and their date nights are usually an effort to outdo the last haute affair. Sexually, they’re both all about beauty and pleasure, and that translates to the ultimate sensuality. Emotionally, they’re practically harmonic. Each understands the other’s tendency to people-please and give in to the crowd’s demands. As a result, they’re extra good to one another and make sure their needs are met in the relationship so they don’t feel pressure to seek them socially. There isn’t much need to worry about conflict, because both know exactly how to smooth over an issue with their attention to fairness and their ability to talk in and out of anything. It’s a beautiful scenario.

LIBRA and SCORPIO These two were born collaborators, with both signs interested in power. Scorpio has emotional power and Libra has intellectual power, which means that the projects they tackle together are going to be monumental. They’ve probably fallen into an easy friendship before anything else, because while Libra loves what Scorpio brings to the table, they’re not used to someone with a secretive side, and Scorpio isn’t going to open up around someone so open. At the same time, they’re both naturally seductive people who live to charm others, and the sexual banter between them has definitely flared up at one point or another. If it leads to love, so be it, but they also might just be great lesbros with benefits.

LIBRA and SAGITTARIUS When their eyes meet for the first time, the attraction is instant. These two have an innate bond that cannot be beat, and they will probably act on it as soon as possible. Libra loves worldly Sagittarius’ adventurous lifestyle, and Sagittarius loves nothing more than listening to Libra rave about their favorite art and music. These two will be ravishing each other as soon as is humanly possible. There’s tons of energy here, sexual and otherwise, and it’s the kind of thing that can make their connection easy and fun for both. Neither likes stagnancy or the feeling that anything in their life has become dull, and the hot stuff between them is going to keep everyone on their toes. This immediate intimacy could translate itself to a friendship or a relationship with little issue, and it’s up to the pair to decide if they’re better suited for hanging out or making out.

LIBRA and CAPRICORN They meet at Ladies Night. Capricorn’s been dragged out by friends because they’re just not one for big social events. Libra is the life of the party, and there’s something about someone who lives life so radically different from Capricorn that draws them together. That opposite chemistry keeps things heated in the moment, but there’s a lot of road blocks to navigate if this turns into a relationship. Capricorn is going to take issue with Libra’s indecisiveness, especially if that trait gets in the way of Capricorn’s ambitions. Libra can’t believe Capricorn would rather toil through the hard way rather than come up with a better solution. If there’s a fight brewing, Libra will give in before it even starts, which means Capricorn might be getting their way a little too often. It’s a situation that needs care and practice to succeed.

LIBRA and AQUARIUS Libra loves the finer things in life, and Aquarius is like a beautiful work of art they just can’t resist. Libra can’t help but fall hard for Aquarius’ creative streak, and Aquarius’ passion for improving the world means they share important values with fair and justice-minded Libra. Whether they’re organizing a rally or updating their social justice tumblr, these two have a perfect harmony that makes them an unstoppable force when it comes to bringing about positive change. In the bedroom, they’re bringing new meaning to activism, and keeping things energetic and exciting. It’s a lovely relationship for these two, and for the rest of the world.

LIBRA and PISCES It’s hot between these two from the first, with Libra wanting to explore all of Pisces’ inner fantasies, and Pisces positively swooning over the professional charmer. There is an innate fascination with one another that comes from a mutual love for beauty and a keen sense of aesthetic. They’ll immediately want to figure each other’s nuances and points of pleasure, and it will make for some sexy situations. At the same time, they have to be careful of their differences; Libra’s rigid sense of right and wrong doesn’t blend well with Pisces’ tendency to see the love in everyone, and fights will be devastating for sensitive Pisces, who feels much deeper than Libra’s ability to turn the emotions off when needed. Tread carefully but love hard.

scorpio_300x300SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21) Intensity is an understatement when it comes to describing Scorpios. You are definitely the horniest sign, and you won’t deny it, but horny for you describes a kind of intense and probing passion that scares a lot of lovers off. A safe rule: Don’t take a bedroom dalliance with a Scorpio lightly, because Scorpios don’t take anything lightly. You are possessive lovers and have a tendency for control in life and love. Your resulting sex life is often extra kinky, but you’re not always the best at balanced relationships. When you love, you love with everything, and when that love doesn’t turn out the way you wanted, you’re a powerful enemy. Passion rules your life, and it makes you a hell of a partner in every possible way.

U-Haul Material – Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Best Lesbros Forever – Libra

SCORPIO and ARIES This is a bad idea for quite a few reasons. The sex will be enticing because they’re both intense personas, and everyone knows that steam is a result of water and fire. This is dangerous because the incredible sex is misleading – Scorpio is controlling, Aries refuses to be controlled. The two of them will start a battle for unhealthy domination as soon as they try to make decisions together. Unfortunately, Scorpio can be manipulative when they don’t get their way, while Aries will run and make bad decisions in retaliation, like cheating with all the girls at Queeraoke. The feelings will be intense and heavy, and they’ll probably say “I love you” on the second date, only to hate each by the third. Hot grudge sex will be the only way they can work out their feelings or stop fighting, but they’ll swear to be each other’s one true love even while they’re pulling each other’s hair out. Their friends will do a lot of facepalming and suggest dialing things back, but like a car accident, it will be impossible not to stare at this glorious hot mess of a thing. This is that couple you see screaming at each during Pride, and then making out in the bathroom at the afterparty.

SCORPIO and TAURUS Hold onto your dildos, because things are about to get kinky. All that pent up possessiveness that both signs crave is going to translate to bondage in the bedroom, with both Taurus and Scorpio playing along. Taurus wants to explore every inch of Scorpio, and Scorpio wants to own Taurus’ soul. This is deep tantric sexy shit. Their intensity might get the better of them at times, and it’s possible for them to become a little *too* wrapped up in each other, neglecting their friends and other commitments in order to put their partner (and their partner’s sexual needs) above all things. This makes for an incredible hookup, but watch yourself once emotions come into play.

SCORPIO and GEMINI Sexy debates and passionate power plays are what Gemini and Scorpio are all about. Sure, it doesn’t make for a very happy romance, but it does make for one hell of an adventure. Gemini enjoys an intellectual challenge, and Scorpio loves a challenge for the sake of a challenge. Their bed is on fire, but so is the rest of their relationship, and there’s no way that they’re not walking away from this thoroughly burned. It will probably make a tumultuous storyline worthy of the The L Word, but it seems almost cruel to put these two through this much intensity.

SCORPIO and CANCER Damn. Both of these signs are super intense in everything they do, and the resulting sexual intensity is off the charts. Cancer is immediately drawn to brooding passionate Scorpio, and Scorpio loves that Cancer wants to see them at their most powerful and protective. They’re a possessive duo, so the bedroom is going to get totally trashed in the process of all these passion plays. Because both like their secrets, with Cancer keeping as much in their shell as they’d like, and Scorpio forever unpredictable, the passion can get a little dangerous, but it’s definitely a hot kind of dangerous. Can it last? Maybe not, since Cancer wants security and Scorpio is not what we’d call stable. The sex in the meantime is enough to keep them coming back for more regardless.

SCORPIO and LEO Fire and water most definitely make steam, and Leo’s brand of fire sure does heat things up. Unfortunately, the chemistry between Leo and Scorpio fizzles fast when it comes to the way they navigate life, as both want to take the lead, and Leo’s need to socialize doesn’t sit well with possessive Scorpio. Leo struggles to be anything but genuine in their outward emotions, and Scorpio’s more secretive sides drive them up a wall. If there’s a major disagreement in the relationship, expect it to remain unresolved for years, as Scorpio refuses to compromise, and Leos refuse to give up on their beliefs. If they want to make something of this situation, it’ll take a lot of work, and not just the kind of work a Rodeoh does, as that’s the kind of work these two might keep resorting to when push comes to shove.

SCORPIO and VIRGO Intensity is the name of the game when these two get together. Virgo wants sex to be serious and passionate, and Scorpio doesn’t know how to have sex any other way. Virgo is immediately drawn to brooding Scorpio, and Scorpio’s love for power fits perfectly with Virgo’s love for order. In the bedroom, it’s a level of intensity that most signs wouldn’t even want to handle. And they do spend a lot of time in the bedroom, because neither is a social butterfly, and when they’re alone together they seem to get the most done. Unfortunately, Virgo’s not really prepared for Scorpio’s unpredictable sides, and their perfectionist nature means they might have trouble dealing with Scorpio’s outbursts of hidden emotions. If they can work at their high standards, they might make the relationship succeed, but no one said that the sex wasn’t already a wild success.

SCORPIO and LIBRA These two were born collaborators, with both signs interested in power. Scorpio has emotional power and Libra has intellectual power, which means that the projects they tackle together are going to be monumental. They’ve probably fallen into an easy friendship before anything else, because while Libra loves what Scorpio brings to the table, they’re not used to someone with a secretive side, and Scorpio isn’t going to open up around someone so open. At the same time, they’re both naturally seductive people who live to charm others, and the sexual banter between them has definitely flared up at one point or another. If it leads to love, so be it, but they also might just be great lesbros with benefits.

SCORPIO and SCORPIO Hold onto your poisonous barbs. This is probably the most intense pairing in the zodiac. The passion will be in another dimension, the bond between them could probably charge a nuclear plant. The love they feel will also feel like it can shoot down stars and tear down mountains, and these might be things they attempt in their efforts to get to each other. Unfortunately, flames likes these are going to burn everything in sight, and that’s not always a good thing. This could either be a life-changing romance that defies all the odds, or it could be the most spectacular disaster of all time. If this ends badly, these aren’t just exes – these are nemeses.

SCORPIO and SAGITTARIUS Scorpio loves a challenge, Sagittarius loves an adventure. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot. Scorpio wants power and control, feels possessive of their partners, and doesn’t do well with too much instability, as it brings out their own unpredictable nature. Sagittarius just wants to run free, and once they’ve figured out Scorpio, they’re on to new things, something Scorpio will not take well to at all. While it’s a hot ticket for a hookup with the power plays that will inevitably surface, it might be a challenge to keep it going in a balanced relationship, especially if that relationship is monogamous.

SCORPIO and CAPRICORN This is a fantastic pairing with lasting power. Capricorn has ambitious goals they want to accomplish, and Scorpio would love to lend their attention and passion to help them get there. Capricorn keeps Scorpio grounded even when they’re launching into one of their intense moods, and Scorpio pulls Capricorn out of their tight-assed life to experience some mind-numbingly good passion. Scorpio’s emotions need Capricorn’s logic, and since Capricorn doesn’t need to be the leader, they can hand over that position to Scorpio while still getting everything done in the background. It’s the kind of pairing that OkCupid needs on their front page.

SCORPIO and AQUARIUS Scorpio and Aquarius are not exactly two peas in a pod. They are maybe one pea in a pod while the other is underground and a carrot. Aquarius loves socializing and discovering new things. Introverted Scorpio is not one for crowds and doesn’t understand any of the things Aquarius builds their world around. The opposition between them might inspire some passion from Scorpio, whose seductive side enjoys a challenge, but it will be a hard scenario to keep going when it comes to everyday decisions and negotiating conflict. Both are not great at cooperating, and both have strong feelings about their stances, which means that compromise is not a word often heard in this pairing.

SCORPIO and PISCES These two innately understand each other from the first. Both are deep and intense people, though in very different ways. Pisces lives in the world of possibility while also feeling things intensely. Scorpio is obsessed with the here and now and approaches the present with everything they have. The bond between them will be equally heavy, and both are forgiving of their tendency to withdraw into themselves, as Pisces does like to live in dreams, and Scorpio is always retreating into their secrets. They feel intense love for one another because they don’t know how to feel anything but intensity, so even if this intensity overcomes them, it was a romance for the ages.

sagitarius_300x300SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21) Sagittarius wants to seize life by the throat in the best possible way, and it makes you the kind of person that people always want to be around, since you tend to be the source of the fun. You’re an adventurer in and out of the bedroom, always looking for the next big thrill in life and love. You’re outgoing and a social butterfly, while simultaneously interested in spiritual and philosophical pursuits. It’s no wonder so many ladies have a tendency to think of you as a queer dreamboat and the “total package.” You roam in lots of groups and probably have a wide array of lovers from lots of different backgrounds. Hey, variety is the spice of the Sagittarian life!

U-Haul Material – Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius

Beware of Trainwreck – Cancer, Scorpio

Best Lesbros Forever – Taurus, Gemini, Virgo

SAGITTARIUS and ARIES This is the real deal. This is love that springs from friendship and a deep mutual respect for each other. Sagittarius loves excitement and adventure, Aries loves to provide the fun. They both love their independence and freedom, and they’ll get it. They’re both blunt and don’t like to tiptoe around issues, so decision-making is a piece of cake where they constantly find common ground. They make each other happier than they’ve ever been before. Did I mention that the sex is crazy good? Because it’s crazy good. When they’re not being incredibly passionate, they’re also best friends who offer support in everything they do. These two bring out the absolute best in each other, and love is a guarantee.

SAGITTARIUS and TAURUS Great friends, but not so great at relationships. Sagittarius brings the fun and adventure, and Taurus is the loyal companion who follows their lesbro through thick and thin. Sagittarius is on the blunt side of things, and Taurus often jumps in to save Sagittarius from certain death in the dyke bar. If they want to take it to the next level, they’ll find themselves stumbling with two very different sets of needs: Sagittarius wants freedom, and Taurus wants security. Love’s a struggle, if they see it there at all, but as two queers on the town, they’re a barrel of friggin’ monkeys.

SAGITTARIUS and GEMINI Gemini is all about that freedom, but no worries, because so is Sagittarius. Their shared love for adventure and creative change makes them the perfect partners for all kinds of romps, and they’re totally down for exploring new things in mind, spirit, and body. They’re so similar that it’s impossible they wouldn’t be friends, and if romance doesn’t work out, they’re sure to be the bestest friends any adventurer could possibly want. Whether it’s leaping through a mosh pit at a Tegan and Sara concert or shouting to each other about exciting new queer theory, their minds were made for each other.

SAGITTARIUS and CANCER What seems like a good idea in the heat of the moment doesn’t look as good in the morning. Didn’t Bright Eyes write a song about that? Well, Cancer will be listening to a lot of Bright Eyes after Sagittarius takes a romp through their life. Sagittarius wants adventure, and freedom to seek the next thrill, and Cancer wants comfort, security, and someone to love them in all the right nurturing ways. Tread carefully, kids, because these two could not be more different in their approaches to life, and unless those differences are mapped out, it’s going to be a rough go.

SAGITTARIUS and LEO Leo has probably had a crush on Sagittarius for a while, because everyone has a crush on Sagittarius! Luckily, Sagittarius can’t resist a queer who makes big entrances, and Leo’s more than happy to align themselves with another life of the party. These kids are wild. Fire on fire means the passion is off the hook, and when it comes to social lives, these two are fun magnets. Everyone already gravitates to people-loving Leos and Sags, and together they are completely irresistible. It pays to follow them around at Pride, because they are going to have a super good time no matter where they go. When they’re not living life to the fullest, they’re bringing out the best in each other, with Sag grounding Leo and Leo teaching Sag some manners. This is a powerful match that means happiness for everyone around them.

SAGITTARIUS and VIRGO While a relationship might not be the best idea for these two, they’re best friends first. Both are fantastic at balancing the other, with Virgo’s practicality a plus for Sagittarius, and Sagittarius’ need for freedom is not a problem for Virgo, who just wants to give the other person what’s best for them. Sagittarius isn’t fond of Virgo’s perfectionist side, and might feel pressure when Virgo tries to put Sag’s crazy life in order. Virgo thinks Sag is too high energy and needs a life plan. If they can overlook these critiques of the other, they actually balance each other super well on the wingwoman front, and as friends, they’re a loyal pair. As lovers, there might be too many obstacles for this to go anywhere but south…and not the sexy ‘going south’.

SAGITTARIUS and LIBRA When their eyes meet for the first time, the attraction is instant. These two have an innate bond that cannot be beat, and they will probably act on it as soon as possible. Libra loves worldly Sagittarius’ adventurous lifestyle, and Sagittarius loves nothing more than listening to Libra rave about their favorite art and music. These two will be ravishing each other as soon as is humanly possible. There’s tons of energy here, sexual and otherwise, and it’s the kind of thing that can make their connection easy and fun for both. Neither likes stagnancy or the feeling that anything in their life has become dull, and the hot stuff between them is going to keep everyone on their toes. This immediate intimacy could translate itself to a friendship or a relationship with little issue, and it’s up to the pair to decide if they’re better suited for hanging out or making out.

SAGITTARIUS and SCORPIO Scorpio loves a challenge, Sagittarius loves an adventure. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot. Scorpio wants power and control, feels possessive of their partners, and doesn’t do well with too much instability, as it brings out their own unpredictable nature. Sagittarius just wants to run free, and once they’ve figured out Scorpio, they’re on to new things, something Scorpio will not take well to at all. While it’s a hot ticket for a hookup with the power plays that will inevitably surface, it might be a challenge to keep it going in a balanced relationship, especially if that relationship is monogamous.

SAGITTARIUS and SAGITTARIUS These two were practically made for each other, and it makes sense, since fate had them born under the same sun. With just the right balance between independence and bonding, a pair of Sags knows when to give each other space and when to cuddle up in the wake of their adventure-seeking. Their deep conversations and easy-going nature mean they’ve struck up the perfection balance, and they’re pretty much adorable in public or private. Everyone wants to be around them because these social magnets have doubled in appeal, and the happiness they radiate is pretty contagious.

SAGITTARIUS and CAPRICORN Opposites are attracting pretty hard in this pairing. Sagittarius is everything Capricorn doesn’t understand in a person, and they might see them as a distraction from their best-laid plans. But Sag knows an attractive queer when they see ’em and they want to get in there and rile Capricorn up a little. Is it the recipe for a longterm relationship? Probably not, unless Sagittarius can turn down their freewheelin’ instincts and learn to work a little, and if Capricorn can see Sagittarius’ different perspective as something to be appreciated rather than ignored. In the meantime, Sagittarius is all sexy can I and Capricorn is actually closing out of iCal for once.

SAGITTARIUS and AQUARIUS Sagittarius is swoonin’ hard for Aquarius’ creative flair, and Aquarius loves a heartthrob who likes to wax poetic about philosophy, especially post-coital. There’s a ton of chemistry here because Sag’s fire is fueled by Aquarius’ air, and there’s no limit to the sexy stuff they can accomplish when their genius gets together. They’re both loyal and loving, but they believe in the freedom to do as they please, an independence they’ll allow for each other given they’re back by bedtime. This is actually a great set-up for something non-monogamous because both have pretty liberal needs for space and aren’t prone to feeling possessive of their partners.

SAGITTARIUS and PISCES Dreamy Pisces and philosophical Sagittarius may end up in their headspace a lot, but it’s pretty sexy up there. They’re content to have brunch in bed and think about deep fantastical thoughts together, or meet up at a museum and make out under some Greek art. Pisces is more than okay with Sagittarius’ somewhat aloof side, and Sagittarius keeps coming back for more of Pisces’ alluring depths. Since Sagittarius isn’t one to sit in their feelings, Pisces’ extrasensitivity may be just what the archer ordered when it comes to addressing their usually ignored needs. They’re big on traveling and seeking out new and interesting things, which means this is the couple whose suitcase you should be stowing away in stat.

capricorn_300x300CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19) You may be accused of being a workaholic, but you know exactly how much work to put into your relationships, Capricorn. Your dedication to your goals means you’re super dedicated in love, and like all the other projects in your life, you see your relationship as something that deserves all of your attention. As a result, you give your all in the bedroom and keep ladies coming back with your steadfast nature. And while you’re called ambitious at the office, you’re also ambitious in your sex life, with no limit to the positions you’re willing to try to satisfy your cutie. Out of all the signs, you’re the one most concerned with achieving your personal bests, and there’s no way you’d ever let your lovers feel as though they weren’t receiving the highest quality of loving possible.

U-Haul Material – Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Gemini, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Libra

Best Lesbros Forever – Cancer, Leo, Aquarius

CAPRICORN and ARIES Capricorn is no nonsense, and Aries just wants to have fun. The two are an odd couple, and one that probably will fall apart after lots of irritating habits and fighting about nothing. Capricorn is focused on their career, success, and all the goals they’ve made for themselves, but Aries isn’t one to cheerlead or give all their attention to someone else’s dreams. Capricorn doesn’t want to waste time with someone who isn’t going to get them where they want to go, and Aries gets bored so easily that Capricorn’s life strategies will seem predictable and dull. When it comes to actually confronting situations, Aries will yell about everything and Capricorn will be silent. Aries love the gestures and the chase, and Capricorn’s reserved until the last, so sex will be a whole lot of teasing before it gets to the pleasing. This results in pretty great sex from all that pent up frustration, but it’s not enough to keep either party invested for the longterm.

CAPRICORN and TAURUS Taurus is Capricorn’s ideal mate. Capricorn provides stability to Taurus while ultimately inspiring their partner. Taurus is the cheerleader for all of Capricorn’s hopes and dreams, which are typically big and lofty. There’s nothing the two of them can’t accomplish together. In a relationship, they’re the envy of all their friends and the one couple that no one thinks will ever break up because they’re so perfect together. They are Tina and Bette in the pilot, but only the pilot.

CAPRICORN and GEMINI As far as chemistry goes, this is yet another moment of opposites attract. Capricorn lives by the tried and true rules that are gonna get them ahead, and is often accused of being a little too square. Gemini just wants to get under their skin and shake them up a little, get them to see outside of the box for a few hours. One night stand? Hot. Actual relationship? Ouch. In their approach to life, they are complete polar opposites, and not even in a sexy way. Gemini believes rules are meant to be broken and re-examined. Capricorn refuses to break rules, and is obsessed with achieving their many intense goals. Gemini thinks goals are social constructions. If these two can make it work, goddess bless them, but it’s going to be an uphill climb from day one.

CAPRICORN and CANCER They may be on opposite ends of the zodiac, but Cancer and Capricorn do a fantastic job of balancing each other out. Capricorn’s overly logical side is well matched by Cancer’s emotional center. Sexual chemistry is not at the forefront of this relationship and they’re probably much better suited for friendship than love, but no one can doubt that they bring out the best in each other. They’re both known for being ridiculously loyal and persistent, so they’ve got each other’s backs no matter what. In a relationship, this could lead to some hard-headed fighting when it comes to the bigger decisions, but damn it all if they don’t stick it through on principal alone.

CAPRICORN and LEO An unlikely pair, these two end up balancing each other very well. No one thought studious and serious Capricorn would ever start hanging out with loud and proud Leo, but it turns out that they create a unique little harmony that no one saw coming. Capricorn may still roll their eyes at Leo’s social bravado, and Leo’s always trying to get Capricorn to “just live a little,” but it makes for two people who genuinely care about the other, and are loyal through thick and thin. Leo is loyal to the ones they love, and Capricorn is well-known for their persistence and devotion. These two have each other’s back no matter what, even when they cannot see eye to eye on anything else. As lovers, it’s a difficult situation both are ridiculously stubborn, and when matters of the heart don’t align, it’s going to take forever for them to understand one another. As friends, they bring out the best in each other, and the differences between them don’t ruin the dedication they’ve cultivated together.

CAPRICORN and VIRGO Talk about a couple that gets it done! Capricorn and Virgo are two pragmatic queers who are obsessed with hard work. You better hope this isn’t a work relationship, because they’re probably going to take over the company. Capricorn has ambitions, and Virgo just wants to see them reach all their goals. Their attention to details means no inch is left untouched in the bedroom, and since they’re both notoriously picky, they come together as a result of feeling the other is perfect and deserving of this relationship. Once they hook up, they’re hooking up for good, because they come to see that in their world of super high standards, no one compares 2 u.

CAPRICORN and LIBRA They meet at Ladies Night. Capricorn’s been dragged out by friends because they’re just not one for big social events. Libra is the life of the party, and there’s something about someone who lives life so radically different from Capricorn that draws them together. That opposite chemistry keeps things heated in the moment, but there’s a lot of road blocks to navigate if this turns into a relationship. Capricorn is going to take issue with Libra’s indecisiveness, especially if that trait gets in the way of Capricorn’s ambitions. Libra can’t believe Capricorn would rather toil through the hard way rather than come up with a better solution. If there’s a fight brewing, Libra will give in before it even starts, which means Capricorn might be getting their way a little too often. It’s a situation that needs care and practice to succeed.

CAPRICORN and SCORPIO This is a fantastic pairing with lasting power. Capricorn has ambitious goals they want to accomplish, and Scorpio would love to lend their attention and passion to help them get there. Capricorn keeps Scorpio grounded even when they’re launching into one of their intense moods, and Scorpio pulls Capricorn out of their tight-assed life to experience some mind-numbingly good passion. Scorpio’s emotions need Capricorn’s logic, and since Capricorn doesn’t need to be the leader, they can hand over that position to Scorpio while still getting everything done in the background. It’s the kind of pairing that OkCupid needs on their front page.

CAPRICORN and SAGITTARIUS Opposites are attracting pretty hard in this pairing. Sagittarius is everything Capricorn doesn’t understand in a person, and they might see them as a distraction from their best-laid plans. But Sag knows an attractive queer when they see ’em and they want to get in there and rile Capricorn up a little. Is it the recipe for a longterm relationship? Probably not, unless Sagittarius can turn down their freewheelin’ instincts and learn to work a little, and if Capricorn can see Sagittarius’ different perspective as something to be appreciated rather than ignored. In the meantime, Sagittarius is all sexy can I and Capricorn is actually closing out of iCal for once.

CAPRICORN and CAPRICORN These two are getting shit done, and they’re getting it done well. They know what they want, and they’re both determined to get there. This translates to the bedroom extremely well, where chemistry is intense and the two finds themselves competing to be best. It’s an even match, though, and this competition might leak into the rest of their lives, where their drive to the top could mean stepping on each other in the process. Romance is not at the forefront of their minds, so sexual power withstanding, they’re not about to sacrifice their goals for a silly thing called love.

CAPRICORN and AQUARIUS These two have very different lifestyles, but somehow they still manage to bring out some of the best things about each other. Aquarius loves to idealize and Capricorn loves to rationalize, which means when they can take the time to solve a problem together, they balance each other nicely. This can mean either a sexy balance or a very friendly balance, but both are going to remain true to each other. Their loyalty is unfailing. Both are stubborn and fixed in their values, and when those values align, they’ll become very powerful allies. Aquarius sees that Capricorn’s goal-oriented way of getting things done is very similar to their need to make projects out of everyone, and they can help each other a great deal if they take the time to listen.

CAPRICORN and PISCES Their friends think this might be the worst idea ever, with Capricorn obsessed with their detailed calendar and getting a promotion, and Pisces wandering from one job to the next, head seemingly in the clouds, but somehow this works in the bedroom in ways no one had expected. Pisces wants to show Capricorn that exploring new things can be extra fun, and Capricorn finds that the best way to ground Pisces in the present is to give them a physical experience that won’t let them do anything but live in the moment. It might take work to make this last, especially because their lives are on such different levels and while Pisces might be able to idealize their way into feelings for Capricorn, Capricorn isn’t terribly respectful of Pisces’ feelings. Be careful, but let yourselves feel it out.

aquarius_300x300AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18) Aquarius is the humanitarian whose need to improve the lives of others makes ladies swoon like nothing else. Because you’re a natural intellectual with new ideas, you’re creative in life and love, and imagination is key to the way you exist. You carry that imagination to the bedroom, where you thrive on keeping it unexpected. It’s important that you get to do your own thing in life, and while that means you’re always looking for independence in your relationships, it doesn’t mean you’re not a big cuddler when prompted. Because of your humanitarian streak, you might be guilty of trying to be the caretaker and life-improver in the relationship. You’re a sucker for a bleeding heart and a crooked smile, so make sure you hitch yourself to as big a love as you give.

U-Haul Material – Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Virgo, Sagittarius

Beware of Trainwreck – Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio

Best Lesbros Forever – Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

AQUARIUS and ARIES These lovebirds will try anything once, when in the bedroom. The sex is fun because Aries loves an exciting challenge and Aquarius just wants to see Aries get weird in the sack. They’re both independent, but Aries’ intensity works well with Aquarius’ free-spirited side. Trust them to do wild things together, with Aquarius bringing their quirky creativity to Aries’ daredevil recklessness. It’s rare to see any level of dependency or neediness in this relationship, but when there’s drama, hoo boy is there drama. One of those rare combinations where this could be fantastic for hooking up, or fantastic for the long run.

AQUARIUS and TAURUS This will seem like a great drunken idea, but the morning reveals more than a hangover: Flighty Aquarius is no easy match for down to earth Taurus. Aquarius, always thinking outside the box and craving new things, will find Taurus “boring,” even if Taurus is just looking to get comfortable. And it’ll be hard to get comfortable with Aquarius, who locks away Taurus’ heart and then forgets the combination, in typical Aquarian style. Taurus sees romance in everything, though, even in Aquarius’ complex way of seeing the world and their tendency to want to explore everything from a different angle. Maybe those angles are worth exploring for a night, but this is not a walk in the park when attempted as a relationship.

AQUARIUS and GEMINI Their eyes meet across the crowded room. Gemini is telling a clever joke that keeps everyone laughing, but Aquarius sees the extra level of wordplay beneath the punchline. It’s love at first sight. These two were made to understand each other: Gemini lives in the world of the mind, and Aquarius is all about imagination. Both are social butterflies with a creative streak, and they bring out the absolute best in each other. Gemini draws new and exciting people to them to keep their intellect stimulated, and Aquarius lives off of the energy all these new people bring. It’s the perfect symbiotic relationship in the most non-weird way possible.

AQUARIUS and CANCER Opposites attract? Sort of. Aquarius wants to hit the club and douse themselves in glow paint, Cancer wants to stay in and hate-watch The Real L Word. Cancer feels their way through decisions and relies on emotions to guide them, Aquarius goes the experimental route. It’s rare that these two will find something they agree on, but that’s not to say there isn’t something sparking there regardless. Water and air make for an interesting combination, especially in the bedroom. Aquarius flits from one bed to the next without a lot of issues, but sex with Cancer is an emotional affair that’s expected to lead somewhere homey. There might be something to learn from the encounter, but it’ll take a lot of work to make it something more.

AQUARIUS and LEO This is a super duper power couple. There is literally nothing these two can’t accomplish together. Don’t be surprised if they take over the world, or at the very least become celesbians. Both are idealists with goals that drive them – Aquarius has big humanitarian dreams and Leo the leader can make them happen. The melding of their traits put all of these dreams into action, and for two idealists, no project is too lofty. Aquarius sees the tender sides of Leo and is more than happy to soothe them, while Leo is smitten with Aquarius’ creativity, something they highly value in a partner. They are each other’s muses, and these are a pair of queers to watch.

AQUARIUS and VIRGO They’re going to drive each other crazy, either the good crazy or the bad crazy, but it’ll definitely translate to something sexy. Aquarius represents everything that drives Virgo up the wall. Virgo likes plans and down to earth goals, Aquarius likes experimenting and isn’t the best at follow-through. Aquarius wants to keep it fresh and new, Virgo loves a comfortable routine. They might irritate each other’s tender parts, but they might just have the best parts for scratching those particular itches. At some point, their frustration with their opposite status will probably lead to explosive sexual culmination, as Aquarius just wants to get Virgo to shake it up a little, and Virgo’s tight-assed lifestyle sometimes yearns for a little danger they’ll never own up to later. Just beware folks, because when these two queers go for it, they are definitely going to explode.

AQUARIUS and LIBRA Libra loves the finer things in life, and Aquarius is like a beautiful work of art they just can’t resist. Libra can’t help but fall hard for Aquarius’ creative streak, and Aquarius’ passion for improving the world means they share important values with fair and justice-minded Libra. Whether they’re organizing a rally or updating their social justice tumblr, these two have a perfect harmony that makes them an unstoppable force when it comes to bringing about positive change. In the bedroom, they’re bringing new meaning to activism, and keeping things energetic and exciting. It’s a lovely relationship for these two, and for the rest of the world.

AQUARIUS and SCORPIO Scorpio and Aquarius are not exactly two peas in a pod. They are maybe one pea in a pod while the other is underground and a carrot. Aquarius loves socializing and discovering new things. Introverted Scorpio is not one for crowds and doesn’t understand any of the things Aquarius builds their world around. The opposition between them might inspire some passion from Scorpio, whose seductive side enjoys a challenge, but it will be a hard scenario to keep going when it comes to everyday decisions and negotiating conflict. Both are not great at cooperating, and both have strong feelings about their stances, which means that compromise is not a word often heard in this pairing.

AQUARIUS and SAGITTARIUS Sagittarius is swoonin’ hard for Aquarius’ creative flair, and Aquarius loves a heartthrob who likes to wax poetic about philosophy, especially post-coital. There’s a ton of chemistry here because Sag’s fire is fueled by Aquarius’ air, and there’s no limit to the sexy stuff they can accomplish when their genius gets together. They’re both loyal and loving, but they believe in the freedom to do as they please, an independence they’ll allow for each other given they’re back by bedtime. This is actually a great set-up for something non-monogamous because both have pretty liberal needs for space and aren’t prone to feeling possessive of their partners.

AQUARIUS and CAPRICORN These two have very different lifestyles, but somehow they still manage to bring out some of the best things about each other. Aquarius loves to idealize and Capricorn loves to rationalize, which means when they can take the time to solve a problem together, they balance each other nicely. This can mean either a sexy balance or a very friendly balance, but both are going to remain true to each other. Their loyalty is unfailing. Both are stubborn and fixed in their values, and when those values align, they’ll become very powerful allies. Aquarius sees that Capricorn’s goal-oriented way of getting things done is very similar to their need to make projects out of everyone, and they can help each other a great deal if they take the time to listen.

AQUARIUS and AQUARIUS A pair of Aquarians could save the world, and they probably will. Their super intellect makes them a dream team when it comes to tackling issues, and their humanitarian minds are immediately at work trying to right the next wrong. As far as emotions go, they’re better when they’re working with each other than when they’re in a position of actively caring for each other. Aquarius tends to need a different kind of energy to pin their Air down, and a double dosage of the Aquarian spirit means a lot of outward energy, but not a lot coming back to feed the relationship itself. As friends, they’re unstoppable, but as lovers, they might sometimes forget they have a commitment to take care of each other.

AQUARIUS and PISCES These minds are much more similar than they think, and they’re immediately drawn to each other. Aquarius loves Pisces’ idealistic nature, which perfectly complements their creative side. Pisces can’t see anything about Aquarius they don’t like, and it shows. The two are innately bonded, and whatever love grows between them, whether it’s based in friendship or romance, is true as ever. Aquarius loves to create new things, and Pisces loves to observe them and aid as much as they can. Pisces is the emotional heart to Aquarius’ intellectual flair, and it allows them to be each other’s muses in many ways, with both inspiring a new level of understanding. This is a very spiritual friendship with intense results.

pisces_300x300PISCES (February 19 – March 20) As a Pisces, you’re a 24/7 feelings party. Incredibly empathetic, you tend to carry everyone else’s burdens for them, in addition to your own, whether you are dating them or not. You’re always trying to find yourself, and you might often find yourself in someone else’s arms because when you crush, you crush hard and frequently. You have a tendency to see the best in people and get caught up in the fantastical version of reality, which means a shit relationship for you might still look like sunshine and daisies. Because of all your feelings, you’re a super caring partner whose loving nature is always attractive.

U-Haul Material – Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn

Best Lesbros Forever – Aries, Gemini

PISCES and ARIES You know those two queers who started out fucking but are now the best of friends? That’s Aries and Pisces. They probably hooked up a few times and it was totally fantastic, but there’s no way they could do a real relationship. The connection between them is life-changing and deep, and as friends they are bosom buddies. Pisces is the compassionate sidekick to Aries’ rough rider ways, and they balance each other perfectly when they’re out on the town trying to pick up girls. As lovers? Not really. Pisces idealizes Aries, and Aries will walk all over Pisces without realizing it. Aries won’t respect Pisces as a longterm partner, but they will respect Pisces as a friend. This is one of those things where you know you need to keep the person in your life, but not necessarily in your privates.

PISCES and TAURUS Opposites attract, and dreamy Pisces will probably see a total hunk in the strong and quiet Taurus. Pisces lives in a sensual world already, and Taurus has no problem taking them to another level of passion with their earthy love of worshiping the body. Of course, Pisces has a tendency to idealize, and Taurus’ quiet nature will make it easy for Pisces to fill in the gaps, sometimes incorrectly. There’s a deep tantric connection here, but if they want to make it in the big leagues, they’ll need to tone down the fantasies that drive their relationship.

PISCES and GEMINI Gemini loves to understand new things, and Pisces intuitively understands their peers. They’re both open-minded and interested in new ways of thinking and living, and when their minds get together, super dreamy Pisces has way too much fun with the elevated brain of Gemini. While there isn’t a lot of spark or chemistry here, there is a quiet understanding of each other that allows them to do just about anything together and be perfectly content. Painting each other’s nails and talking about abstract theory is everything these two want in a bestie.

PISCES and CANCER There’s an immediate sense of intimacy when Cancer and Pisces cross paths. Cancer can’t help but fall hard for Pisces’ sympathetic nature, and Pisces loves that Cancer has a soulful side. The bond between them is ridiculously strong, and with two water signs suddenly embracing, it’s the kind of sex that you sob tears of joy over. Cancer is ready to settle down, though, and Pisces is still always on that journey towards themselves, always living in a dreamscape just out of reach, so there is a bit of tension in their goals for each other. If it turns to a lifelong love, it’ll be all the stronger, but it might be that their differences are just enough to make them appreciate the glorious sex on its own.

PISCES and LEO Leo is crazy about Pisces from the first time they meet. Pisces are always dreamy, and Leo can’t help but fall head over heels for the dreamiest babe at the zine festival. Leo is in love with love itself, and Pisces brings out their romantic side, with Leo pulling out all the big stops to get Pisces on their level. Of course, Pisces’ dreaminess is not shallow, and their natural intuition makes them find and adore all the parts of Leo that Leo’s prone to keeping to themselves, a little gesture that Leo and their ego find irresistible. Fire and water mean the chemistry is crazy good, and the bedroom is a place for mutual admiration as much as sexual Olympics. Pisces tones down Leo’s larger than life side and keeps them from overdoing themselves, and Leo gets Pisces out from the inner journey and gets them excited about the world around them. They’re sweethearts from the start, and it doesn’t look to end any time soon.

PISCES and VIRGO These two have a deep and consuming love for one another. They are on very similar emotional levels, and there might be a few tears of joys following their sex lives. Pisces has an intense sympathy and emotional intuition that lets them tap into all of sensitive Virgo’s needs. And since Pisces is prone to forgetting to take care of themselves in order to do the same for someone else, Virgo’s impulse to nurture means that Pisces is always taken care of. It’s the perfect balance for two people who live to find love.

PISCES and LIBRA It’s hot between these two from the first, with Libra wanting to explore all of Pisces’ inner fantasies, and Pisces positively swooning over the professional charmer. There is an innate fascination with one another that comes from a mutual love for beauty and a keen sense of aesthetic. They’ll immediately want to figure each other’s nuances and points of pleasure, and it will make for some sexy situations. At the same time, they have to be careful of their differences; Libra’s rigid sense of right and wrong doesn’t blend well with Pisces’ tendency to see the love in everyone, and fights will be devastating for sensitive Pisces, who feels much deeper than Libra’s ability to turn the emotions off when needed. Tread carefully but love hard.

PISCES and SCORPIO These two innately understand each other from the first. Both are deep and intense people, though in very different ways. Pisces lives in the world of possibility while also feeling things intensely. Scorpio is obsessed with the here and now and approaches the present with everything they have. The bond between them will be equally heavy, and both are forgiving of their tendency to withdraw into themselves, as Pisces does like to live in dreams, and Scorpio is always retreating into their secrets. They feel intense love for one another because they don’t know how to feel anything but intensity, so even if this intensity overcomes them, it was a romance for the ages.

PISCES and SAGITTARIUS Dreamy Pisces and philosophical Sagittarius may end up in their headspace a lot, but it’s pretty sexy up there. They’re content to have brunch in bed and think about deep fantastical thoughts together, or meet up at a museum and make out under some Greek art. Pisces is more than okay with Sagittarius’ somewhat aloof side, and Sagittarius keeps coming back for more of Pisces’ alluring depths. Since Sagittarius isn’t one to sit in their feelings, Pisces’ extrasensitivity may be just what the archer ordered when it comes to addressing their usually ignored needs. They’re big on traveling and seeking out new and interesting things, which means this is the couple whose suitcase you should be stowing away in stat.

PISCES and CAPRICORN Their friends think this might be the worst idea ever, with Capricorn obsessed with their detailed calendar and getting a promotion, and Pisces wandering from one job to the next, head seemingly in the clouds, but somehow this works in the bedroom in ways no one had expected. Pisces wants to show Capricorn that exploring new things can be extra fun, and Capricorn finds that the best way to ground Pisces in the present is to give them a physical experience that won’t let them do anything but live in the moment. It might take work to make this last, especially because their lives are on such different levels and while Pisces might be able to idealize their way into feelings for Capricorn, Capricorn isn’t terribly respectful of Pisces’ feelings. Be careful, but let yourselves feel it out.

PISCES and AQUARIUS These minds are much more similar than they think, and they’re immediately drawn to each other. Aquarius loves Pisces’ idealistic nature, which perfectly complements their creative side. Pisces can’t see anything about Aquarius they don’t like, and it shows. The two are innately bonded, and whatever love grows between them, whether it’s based in friendship or romance, is true as ever. Aquarius loves to create new things, and Pisces loves to observe them and aid as much as they can. Pisces is the emotional heart to Aquarius’ intellectual flair, and it allows them to be each other’s muses in many ways, with both inspiring a new level of understanding. This is a very spiritual friendship with intense results.

PISCES and PISCES The most easy-going pairing in the zodiac is a pair of Pisces. Their intuition means that there’s little they can’t already understand about their partner, and their dreamy natures translate to a laid-back relationship that rarely sees conflict or excitement. Excitement, of course, isn’t always the goal of the Pisces, and in this case it’s the easiest thing in the world for them to spend a lot of time staring each other’s eyes, or having lofty fantastical thoughts while embracing on the couch. They might need to be careful of a tendency towards lethargy because they’re just that comfortable around each other, but there’s something lovely about two people who are content to stay in bed all day and be dreamy.


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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 131 articles for us.

259 Comments

    • I AM A LEO WHO DATED A SCROPIO AND LET ME SAY…BIG MISTAKE (SEX GREAT BUT SHE WAS VERY SELFISH ALWAYS HER HER HER, IN THE END SHE WAS CRAY CRAY) I’M JUST HAPPY AND THANKFUL IT ENDED!

  1. I LOVE THIS. I REALLY DO.

    I am very fascinated by Astrology and if there were a school or a college that would give me a degree in Astrology, I would really want to get one. I love Tarot cards and horoscopes and I take zodiac sign compatibility seriously!

    Also, everything written about Pisces is so true!

    “you’re a 24/7 feelings party.”
    “when you crush, you crush hard and frequently.”
    “a shit relationship for you might still look like sunshine and daisies.”

    This is my favorite Autostraddle article to date.

    That is all.

  2. I find it mind-boggling that anyone would make dating choices based on when someone was born, particularly when there is no legitimate, scientifically-verified reason why the position of the planets at birth should affect personality. Luckily, finding out someone believed in horoscopes would turn me off them immediately, so we wouldn’t even need to worry about being compatible sun signs. 😉

    Horoscopes are one of the best examples of confirmation bias – the phenomenon where people give more weight to things that they believe and overlook things that they don’t.

    • I used to post astrological personality and compatibility predictions for people at another queer forum. These descriptions were totally made up and I often added a couple of contradictory statements. It amazed me how seriously people took this total bullshit. I used to make them flattering and positive, which probably helped… Trolling with a conscience or something.

      • All in good fun is a tough one for me to swallow. I understand that it IS all in good fun for you folks here commenting, but that’s not the case overall. My mom is really into homeopathy, which a lot of people also like to say ‘doesn’t hurt’, but she’s into homeopathy to the point that she doesn’t go to the hospital if she(or one of her kids) is actually deathly ill.

        Anyway, astrology CAN have very negative impacts, like in the case of women in India who insist on risky early cesareans so that their children can be born on a particularly auspicious day, or like when my mom who lost her job and has no money spends $75 buying an astrological chart online for me because she thinks I need that information to make choices for some reason.
        http://whatstheharm.net/astrology.html
        http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/india/090928/astrologer-c-sections

        • Thanks for the What’s The Harm link – what a great source of ZOMG material!

          Sorry to hear that your mum is afflicted by irrational belief in astrology. That must be tough. :\

    • I’m assuming it’s like the disclaimer they put on ‘psychic’ commercials: For entertainment purposes only. Or perhaps as a friend once suggested to me, “People find it comforting to believe that the universe isn’t a giant, indifferent mass of inevitably increasing entropy.”

      As for experiments, there was a demonstration done by The Amazing Randi (I think…it might have Penn & Teller?), where a class of students were each given a printed horoscope and asked to rate it as to how accurate they thought it was. Many people in the demonstration thought that their ‘personalized’ horoscope was very accurate, but the fun part was that everyone got the exact same horoscope.

      Ah, anyway, The Onion has funny horoscopes. And Weird Al had some great (and accurate!) ones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26IOww0gO1w “The stars predict tomorrow you’ll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep.

    • I hear you. I have absolutely no belief in astrology, perhaps because I really like astronomy and I’m aware of how incredibly impossible and contradictory astrology is. I always want to not care about everyone else in the entire WORLD liking it so much, but my mom believes in stuff like this to a genuinely dangerous extent, and it’s just reached a point for me where I really just find it disappointing that so many otherwise cool people waste their time on such complete bullshit. Also, I’ve never been asked my sign by any group of people as much as I have been by queer girls, even girls who are otherwise very rational/skeptical, and I just don’t get WHY this is viewed as the exception to skeptical though.

    • I mean, to clarify, I have absolutely no belief in astrology and wouldn’t make dating choices based on it. But I still think it’s good for a lol or two.

      Like, my last relationship was with a Leo and it turned out to be the exact opposite of this description. We’re totally compatible as people, but no explosive sex. Because he was a dude (I’m bi, for all two of you who don’t know already) and he turned out to be gay. Haha.

  3. Seriously, what is it with dykes and this stuff? I’m a pretty hard-core science-type, but I’ve dated more than one girl who was really in to horoscopes and whatnot. I don’t even want to talk about the weird shit that the last girl I dated was into. (Though I’m a Cancer and she’s a Leo, so I think we all know what was going on in that relationship…)

    • IKR

      I feel like my girlfriend and I are the only two queers we know who are not into this stuff at all. And it’s not like we hang out in hippie-filled circles, at all! I find it innocuous on the internet, but in real life these conversations tend to go on forever and ever while we just stand there giving each other little glances.

      • Yeah, it’s fun to joke around about it, but I tend to think oddly of people who take astrology or other superstitious stuff really seriously. Like someone who would ACTUALLY choose to date or not date someone based on their sign, as opposed to just joking “omg we totes go together because we’re both fire signs!” or whatever.

  4. I’m usually a textbook case for Scorpio because I’m intense, passionate, and lezbehonest, pretty horny, but none of these pairings made sense because I’m not brooding or emotionally hidden or introverted… So I sniff my nose haughtily at the Scorpio-Aquarius disaster predicted.

  5. I’m always interested in astrology and this is truly spot on.
    This is the first time I see such a horoscope hookup for the queers and I love it.
    I recognize myself in the descriptions, I’m stubborn but I have a heart of gold.
    I kinda left a trail of broken hearts behind me because I love giving attention, I love to get attention and I love to love people.
    I’m a Leo and I’ve been always proud of that 😀

      • As a Gemini I get a little offended by these too. Hey, who are you calling fickle? You don’t even know me!
        … But really I’m more like a Taurus/Gemini which makes it weird because the descriptions of the two are pretty much the opposite of each other.

      • I tend to do the opposite. Every time I read a negative aspect of my sign, I’m like “Oh yeah definitely, I’m totally selfish and self-centered and egotistical and childish.” But then all the positive aspects like “quick to forgive” and “straight-forward about feelings” make me feel terrible about myself, because I’m totally not. I try to blame it on having Libra as a rising sign, but as much as I love astrology I’m still a skeptic at heart, so at the end of the day it’s just more stuff to talk to my therapist about.

  6. I totally had an astrology phase in middle school, but now, while I still think they’re kind of funny, I kind of wonder about people who take it seriously. Like, some girl on OkCupid rejected me because I was an Aries and she was like “I’ll never date an Aries again.”

    and I was thinking, wow, never knew the date of my birth was so important…

    But I like stuff that takes it not-terribly-seriously, like this.

  7. 😉

    1. successful, long-term gemini + cancer relationship here – but the difficulties were spot-on. it does take work!
    2. weekly/monthly queeroscopes would be quite welcome!!

    • Good luck. I tried using being an Aries as an excuse for everything (“Of course I got mad during Cranium. I’m an Aries. We’re competitive people.” “Of course I made that decision without thinking. I’m an Aries. We’re impulsive.”) Didn’t work out too well.

  8. Never believed in these until I read a personal profile on my sign and I am text book Libra and too diplomatic and indecisive for my own good.
    Always wondered though about premature kids though- my girlfriend is a Leo by birthday but a Scorpio by predicted due date and she fits a Scorpio profile better? Veryyy confusing.

  9. Thank you. Just thank you. I’m so tired of reading heteronormative horoscopes.

    If anyone ever wonders why I’m so emotional I really just want to say “I’m a cancer”. Unfortunately, my everyone accepts this answer 🙂

  10. I’m a leo and these things are never true for me. I’m fairly chill and reserved and have absolutely no desire to be the center or attention. I’m not quite on the cusp with Virgo, but a few days before (august 15) so most of the time I read the Virgo stuff too and that tends to be a little more accurate

  11. TBH the only reason I never “believed” in horoscopes is that I’m smack dab in the middle of Sagittarius and have never ever idenified with that description at.all. so it was always ruined for me. Now tarot cards, on the other hand…

    basically I see the ~esoteric~ as various ways of understanding more about oneself because of how one interprets the results (very meta !) but horoscopes never did it for me for a very basic reason.

    HOWever. I was over 2 weeks late and was supposed to be born in the middle of Scorpio so…maybe that’s it? 😀

    • Ah, tarot cards. I had a tarot card reader once tell me that my true love was ‘tall, light-haired, and the son of a craftsman.’ She more or less blew it with that prediction. ^_^

  12. Every time I want to toss the horoscopes to the side I come back to my ‘sign’ (Virgo here) and it reads scarily accurate. So yeah, the nurturing component but then I’m also something of a free spirit so then my skepticism pipes up. Round and round it goes …

  13. As a sag who’s relationship with a taurus recently ended, the horoscope compatibility explains everything!

    I love that this is the first woman/woman compatibility horoscopes I’ve ever found.

  14. in allegedly typical selfish Aries fashion I’m only fluent in the signs I’ve dated and my own. And to be honest, I won’t learn the others till I’m given reason to. Aries and Scorpio are a homicide waiting to happen. I love Geminis but they tend to find me ‘meh.’ Taurus turned beautiful friend, check. Pretty funny, and even if by coincidence, accurate.

  15. ‘“What’s your sign?” is a totally valid pick-up line, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.’

    I reeeeeeeeally disagree. I’d expect to be greeted by a blank stare and a “what, did a time machine take me back to the seventies when I wasn’t looking”?

    People’s interest in horoscopes doesn’t change my opinion of them, but I am a little surprised that you’re willing to say that horoscopes and star charts can actually help people when you haven’t offered any evidence to back that up.

  16. I never feel right in these! the personality is all on- decision making fail, justice obsessed, flirtatious, but I never feel like I’m as much of an aesthete as I’m supposed to be. Libra here, Sag rising, moon in Scorpio.

    My two longest relationships, including my current, have been wih Aquarius though, so that’s creepy.

  17. It’s nice to see this on AS. Astrology gets a bad rap because people are fixated on Sun signs and they don’t understand how to connect the dots. They see this one dot (Sun sign) and think, “What? What does this dot have to do with me? This makes no sense. I don’t believe in this stuff because I got this one dot that I can’t make sense of, therefore I’m going to ignore what I don’t understand because I’m too lazy to really look into it on my own.”

    The irony of this all is that people believe in many things that don’t make sense, but because it’s “astrology” they close their mind without a second thought and look at it from the wrong angle, at least in my opinion. If you’re looking at astrology through the veil of belief and or truth, then you’re doing it wrong. What you’re doing is taking it too literal, when you should take it in a more metaphorical, symbolic and abstract way. I’ll elaborate…

    Astrology is a lot more in-depth (as stated) and if you really start digging, you’ll actually find some pretty interesting things that tie other stuff together. For me personally, astrology is not about belief, it’s about connecting the dots, making connections and utilizing those connections to my advantage and understanding human behavior in general, through those connections. What are one of those dots and or connections you may ask? Well, take for example the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) co-developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs. For those who are not aware, MBTI is used in career assessment in places like universities and it’s also used in the workplace environment, when employers are trying to understand different personalities and how they intermingle, etc. What does MBTI have to do with astrology you might ask? MBTI and the people who developed it, borrowed and were inspired by the psychologist Carl Jung, who was inspired by astrology (among other things) and wrote a very important book with regards to personalities called, “Psychological Types.” In that book, he coins the term “cognitive functions,” whereby he explains that there are 8 specific cognitive functions and or attitudes of how the brain perceives information, how it registers and interprets that information, etc. To make a long story short, personality psychology (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_psychology) and personality type theories wouldn’t have evolved as much as they have, if it wasn’t for astrology. You could say that astrology was the beginning and or first “primitive” personality system and it has been built upon that through various personality systems such as MBTI, cognitive functions, The Big 5, DISC, Enneagram, Socionics and so forth.

    In a nutshell, I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior, specifically various personalities and once you understand these systems, you’re able to predict a lot of people’s behavior to some degree. Essentially, it’s like a map and or guide to understanding people in general and the relationships you have with them, whether it’s platonic or romantic (if you value that at all). You just have to learn to decipher that map, learn to observe and connect the dots because those dots start coming together and once they come together, they create the bigger picture.

    Anyways, Kate explained some of this stuff vaguely, but it’s really hard to get that in-depth about astrology without writing huge essays (like I just did), especially when your audience is more laymen, so to speak. Hence, the upcoming AS astrology installments, where Kate will talk about the other signs and what that all entails.

    P.S. – Your Sun Sign is only one aspect of your personality, but do you know that you have a Moon Sign, Venus Sign, Mercury Sign, Mars Sign (and other signs) and that they all represent different aspects of who you are (as Kate stated)? They are merely symbols, an abstraction that tries to explain certain phenomena. Your Sun sign represents your Ego and or “the self.” Your Mercury sign represents how you communicate, your Moon sign represents your emotions, the mother, the unconscious self and so on and so forth. Then you have other stuff (such as houses) that gets more complex. This would explain why people don’t quite relate to the description of their horoscopes/Sun sign because they are only looking at one jigsaw puzzle piece when there are 2432532 more to look at.

    That’s my .02 cents into this discussion, for whatever it’s worth. *shrugs*

    • “The irony of this all is that people believe in many things that don’t make sense, but because it’s “astrology” they close their mind without a second thought”

      There are at least 100 comments on this page that contradict this statement.

      “the psychologist Carl Jung, who was inspired by astrology”
      “personality psychology and personality type theories wouldn’t have evolved […] if it wasn’t for astrology”

      So? In Renaissance times, astronomy and astrology were almost inseparable, and Johannes Kepler, who proposed that the planets have elliptical orbits around the sun, worked as court astrology to a succession of German emperors. You could say that our knowledge about the structure of the solar system and the motion of the planets comes from astrology, but that does not give any validation to beliefs in astrology.

      I can’t believe in astrology because there is no rational explanation why the position of the planets should affect personality. If there is no explanation, and you are required to believe without questioning, astrology becomes like a religion minus the prayers. Astrology doesn’t give you any deep understanding of yourself or other people; essentially you’re selectively reading a list of personality traits (most of which are generic enough to apply to anyone) and thinking you’ve got an insight into someone else’s personality when you cherry-pick the statements you agree with. Astrology is great for demonstrating confirmation bias, propensity for irrational beliefs, and the “who’d make this shit up?” phenomenon, whereby the more complicated the system is, the more likely people are to believe it (e.g. the signs for the moon and the planets influencing different aspects of the personality; also known as the Barnum or Forer effect).

      I know it’s “all a bit of fun,” but if I want fun that involves suspension of disbelief and abandoning common sense, I’d sooner read a book or watch “Lost Girl.” 🙂

      • I’m actually quite aware of all of this and I’m on the same fence you both are as far as the viewpoints you have stated (that is, if we were to argue and or talk about belief). The thing is, if you had read what I said you would have noticed that I’m not talking about belief in astrology at all. You are both looking at it through belief and because of that, you fail to understand my point. My point? You can still learn something from astrology, MBTI, other personality systems and make interesting connections and those connections, whether they are epiphanies or some other thing, do not require belief. Usually the things I discover are interesting coincidences that can sometimes explain who I am more thoroughly, at a particular moment, so in that sense it gives more insight in the vein of “knowing thy self.” They also give insight into other people as well and really that’s all these things do for me. It’s a way to look at human behavior and their personalities and gain some insightful information. Some of that information is not always insightful or useful, but sometimes it is and you can use what is useful to broaden your perspective on things in general. Hopefully, my point is a little clearer, but if it is not, then I guess we can chalk it up to a failure in communication, or a “lost connection.” Heh. 🙂

        • No, I just disagree with you. Pretty much everything requires belief. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I understand you to be saying is that MBTI or tarot or astrology can be thought provokers, the symbols in them triggering new patterns or ideas in your mind which you find a useful way to look at life. I don’t actually disagree with you there, but I think it’s for the reasons girlwithglasses outlines – confirmation bias, cherry-picking, etc.

          I’m actually cool if people want to practice astrology in that knowledge and they want to disclose to others that that is what is going on. But too often, as in the original post, there is no mention of that and people believe or let others assume that the alignment of celestial bodies actually does drives personality and destiny.

          I also still think that requires belief, belief that the symbols in those systems have meaning, that they are a useful way to organise your thoughts, that certain archetypes can tell us certain things about the human condition, etc.

          • Actually, no, everything does not require belief and that is the main thing I keep trying to point out, specifically with astrology. I don’t know how else to explain myself better, so I give you this: http://www.nobeliefs.com/beliefs.htm. If it’s too much reading, skip to the subtitles of, “Examples of Non-Beliefs” and “Differences between beliefs and thinking without beliefs,” as that is what I’m trying to convey to you.

            You can utilize astrology without believing in it, just like you can utilize the MBTI without believing in it. Once belief enters the picture, then it’s over because belief limits thinking and when thinking has been stifled, there is no room for growth. The key is to stop looking at things through belief, stop looking at astrology through belief because that’s what gets people in trouble. Astrology shouldn’t be looked at through concrete thinking, it should be looked at through abstract thinking because it’s an abstract system, not a concrete system and the same thing goes with many personality systems, they are abstractions/abstract systems. Many humans (once they reach a certain age) have the ability to think in the abstract (unless there’s some type of medical abnormality within the brain, etc).

            Abstract thinking/thinkers = Dot connecting, multiple dots
            Concrete thinking/thinkers = one dot, but does not know what to do with that dot, can’t connect dots.
            Abstract thinking = the ability to expand and see multiple perspectives and the underlying relationships underneath the surface.
            Concrete thinking = the ability to see one thing, it’s literal, it’s concrete, it’s myopic, it’s the surface.

            Abstract thinking and concrete thinking – http://www.differencebetween.net/language/difference-between-concrete-and-abstract-thinking/

            Abstraction – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abstraction.

            Of course, there are other ways of thinking, but in this particular context, the concept of abstract and concrete thinking seems to illustrate the difference as to the nature of how belief can be viewed, or not.

          • “Actually, no, everything does not require belief”

            Is that a fact? 😛

            Look, I’ve read that website now, and I just disagree with it. My reaction is basically ‘I understand what you are trying to convey to me, and I think you are wrong’. You might feel the same way about what I am saying. But I don’t think we’re going to come to an agreement, so maybe it’s more productive to end this discussion – I don’t want that to come across as aggressive, I’ve enjoyed talking to you, but I don’t know how much further we’re going to get.

          • Fair enough. I’m not into conversations where the end goal is about “right and wrong” because conversations with that end goal never get anywhere. I’m interested in trying to understand and the mental stimulation that comes with that. Unfortunately, those discussions seem to be a needle in a haystack. Likewise, I have enjoyed conversing with you, even if we couldn’t come to an understanding. There’s always next time, right? LOL. 😛

        • Sorry, it wasn’t very clear from your initial post what your stance was on astrology. If you don’t believe in astrology, I am not clear what one would gain from it that one couldn’t get from (say) reading a list of personality traits or looking up psychological processes on Wikipedia. If the aim is to increase knowledge about oneself, why would you use a source that lacks any credibility?

          • It’s fine. Reading a list of personality traits or looking up psychological processes comes partly from astrology, as I stated it’s a more “primitive” personality system or language system. In a way, astrology serves as a history to modern day personality systems. By understanding that history and the symbolism and or abstraction of astrology, you’re able to make connections, or bridge gaps. By bridging these gaps, you get a better in-depth understanding of the self and or the nature of others.

            I got interested in personality systems a few years back. First it was MBTI, then it was the culmination of Enneagram, The Big 5 and so on and so forth. Toward the latter half, I really started focusing on Jung’s cognitive functions and trying to understand that. Understanding cognitive functions is really fascinating and very interesting because it attempts to explain the cognitive processes within the brain, however the way in which it attempts to explain these processes is highly symbolic and abstract, meaning that in the context of the “real world” these processes don’t actually exist per se. You might ask, so what is the point then or why do you care about this? The reason and or the point is that there is an explanation and or a symbol that exists, but it doesn’t have a “connector.” I spoke about the analogy of dots and being able to connect the dots. Astrology, personality systems and cognitive functions are dots, some of them connect, some do not and some of these dots are left in the abstract or in their symbolism because there is no “real world” way to explain it more precisely, more concretely and or more thoroughly. Language is a form of symbolism. Symbolism is just another language, mathematics is another language, astrology is another language, cognitive functions is another language… you see where I’m going with this? Not everyone understands languages and or symbolism as thoroughly as others. Carl Jung further advanced the concept of archetypes. What are archetypes? Archetypes (according to the very first line of wikipedia) is a universally understood symbol, term, statement, or pattern of behavior, a prototype upon which others are copied, patterned, or emulated. You ask that if my aim is to increase knowledge of oneself, why would I use a source that lacks credibility? Quite simply, astrology is not a source for credibility, nor is it a source for belief, which I keep reiterating. Astrology is a source for languages and symbols (for me personally), so it’s not a matter of credibility. I don’t “believe” in these symbols, these symbols are just information that can be utilized to understand other symbols throughout the world. I try to understand these symbols, I don’t believe in them. I try to understand the language, I don’t believe in the language and this is exactly what I meant when I said that not everything requires belief. You can still utilize something without believing in it, you can still learn or take something away from it, without believing in it. Ideas don’t require beliefs, but beliefs require ideas. Ideas are open, beliefs are closed. Does that clear things up? I hope so, because my head is about to explode, LOL.

    • The simplification of personality types for efficient study is fine, but the arbitrary designation of these personalities because of when you were born is what most people find absurd about astrology. I’m the only person that I know that actually fits their Astrological Description, but even then, not 100%. It’s an interesting coincidence that I attribute to the fact that most of my personality traits lend to one another. Passionate? That can some across to people as being intense and focused and successful. These traits don’t express themselves in isolation, so hey look – they’re all pooled together in Scorpio! But that shouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that I’m born at the beginning of November.

  18. One time I got my zodiac sign tattooed on my wrist and I’ve regretted it ever since. Luckily, most people think it’s the Roman numeral two or the pi sign. So I guess that works too, or not.

  19. Capricorn on the cusp with Sagittarius here. I dated four, count ’em, four Taurii (sp?) almost nearly right in a row. Three of them had birthdays within two days of each other. In fact, two of them had the same birthday.

    I’m going to be reading this all more. 🙂 I had my chart done and when I read it over I can’t decide if I’m a very balanced person, or a ridiculously impossible mix of contradictions.

  20. I generally don’t put too much stock in horoscopes. To answer the OKC question: it’s fun to think about. But, I must say, the Gemini description is startlingly accurate.

    Will I now go around asking random women their signs? No.
    When I’m dumped will I now justify it as being zodiacally incompatible? Yes. (I dub thee zoDumped).

  21. You know, I don’t put much stock in horoscopes. But when I was 16 and my mom offered to buy me my first tattoo, I got a scorpion right on my lower back. Yeaaaaaaah. Sorta regret the placement, but I still like it

  22. Another “it’s fun to think about” zodiac girl here, but I love reading about signs and charts because I’m a Scorpio (and fit the usual descriptions to a T… though I must have some gentler signs in my other houses because I lean extroverted and am not naturally hyper-jealous or posessive), so I’m always being called a sex god.

    And can I say, regardless of anyone’s belief in astrology, how well this article was put together?! Detailed, hilarious information and beautiful artwork. Just excellent article altogether. Thank you!

  23. Capricorn here, have done the long term with another Capricorn, can we say Procrastination to the max, both of us really… but ugh! My other uhaul choices, are more in the friend spectrum, never really successful in the love spectrum, though I tried. I actually have some close friends to this day that are Tauruses, the one i tried to date… um no, lots of drama, lots of need for her to be in control, and not in the good way ;-).
    Also was with many Scorpios, they are stubborn, they think they are all that in bed, yawn…not really. But such intelligence and passion nonetheless.
    The one Virgo, was for a long term relationship too, lovely woman, but the jealousy was too much, in the long run. But hey live and learn, and break the rules.
    Now I am with a Gemini, going on 2 years… and yes, opposites attract, she calls me on my bullshit, she fills my heart with joy,we compliment each other very wonderfully. I love how positive she is, and our sex life awesome! Great article, brought back a lot of memories.

  24. Sun and rising sign in Taurus here, and I love this stuff. I’m still not 100% sure I buy into all of it, but damn it if it hasn’t proved so true in my life. I am a Taurus through and through. My absolute best friends in the world are Leo and Aries, and my most successful romance was with a Pisces. Haven’t managed to date a Capricorn yet, unfortch. Sign compatibility is not my #1 criteria in dating, obviously, but it’s interesting to look back and see patterns.

  25. YES! I LOVE this so much! I am a full believer in astrology in terms of birth charts (not so much daily horoscopes)

    Im a libra with sagittarius rising sign and a capricorn moon so other can get a little confused once they really get to know me and see my inner capricorn control freak that I try desperately to ignore. But my libra sun and sagittarius rising sign blend pretty well.
    I have not yet been in a relationship but I agree as far as friends go with everything you said. I have had a lot of tumultuous friendships with aquarius sun signs though but that may be in part because of my capricorn moon. Also even though I am a libra, I am not the life of the party and dont like too much attention.
    anyways, im rambling. basically I just wanted to say that I absolutely love this article and I will keep your suggestions in the back of my head 🙂

  26. Astrology is interesting, but being a scorpio, I get a little frustrated with how we’re read. We’re always supposedly super sex driven and people seem to end there. I don’t think I have an above average sex drive, and I’m not really into kink. The passion is there in intellectual/activist pursuits, but I ultimately want a monogamous long-term relationship and I think of myself as quite level headed.

  27. I really can’t believe in these things because I could pick out traits from each sign that match me instead of just my supposed sign (Pisces). I was in a relationship with a Virgo before. We’re supposed to be giving to each other love and help and whatnot but I gave and the other person did not. Towards the end I stopped and that person never did. BUST!
    Anyway, I do sometimes like to read these things and this was a slightly different, yet interesting, take on astrology. Would have been better if I had seen that picture…

  28. When I worked at an old bookstore one summer, I was given the metaphysical section to stock and curate. Let’s just say the skepticism I expressed to the people I worked with didn’t have a leg to stand on after the fifth time I got caught crouched down beneath the shelves reading horoscope compatibility books. This is so cool and so well put-together!

  29. I usually feel that my horoscope is spot on, but I don’t know about this version of Aquarius. A lot of it was really accurate, but I would not consider myself a social butterfly, and I absolutely hate going out to clubs. I would definitely rather stay in with my Cancer best friend and love watch Doctor Who rather than hate watch the L anything. But maybe that’s just me. ^^

  30. Okay, I’m waaayy too much of a physics girl to buy into this stuff (ok, I did read it tho), but as a Taurus and a former Texan I have to know… is the Taurus girl in the pic wearing a pink UT-Austin Hook’em horns shirt?? Cause that would be kinda cool…

  31. love it. I’m a scorpio and I’ve always been amazed at how well i get on with other scorpios, even though i’m not much of a ‘believer’. Ive been told scorpios are the most compatible with each other in comparison to any other ~same star sign~ people. true/false/thoughts?

  32. It’s so weird telling people that I’m the more or less the epitome of Scorpio: “Why hello, we just met but I’m very passionate, secretive, and possessive. Poly relationship? Rawr.”

    Also, the Libra Lesbro thing is so relevant to my life right now!

  33. I just thought of some bad pick-up lines based on me being a fire sign, for the other types of signs.

    Like to a water sign: “You make me melt” or to an air sign “You fan the flames of my desire!”

    Help me guys I don’t know what I’m doing

  34. Sag with a Leo rising, a moon in Scorpio and Venus in Aquarius
    I am amazed I even remembered it all.
    and the description isnt me at all, but we shall blame Aspergers for that, and not the hard science that is astrology, which would place blame on the Venus in Aquarius 😀

    however as far as past relationship partners go, its kinda accurate.

    also I may tend to be cautious when mercury is in retrograde.

  35. Some love for a Taurus here? 🙁 I totally agree on the romantic part for a Taurus man. I am a hopeless romantic. Totally agree on being comfortable too. Who doesn’t want life with less lesbian drama! Being comfortable isn’t necessary big thing right? 🙂

    Besides, I don’t think we’re ALL that big of a control freak too. :p Give us Tauruses a chance yeah.

  36. “I will try to win you back by posting a picture of myself in boy briefs.”

    don’t be a tease Kate… or do. it’s a womens prerogative to change her mind.

  37. Yo I am completely perplexed as to why some people are getting angry about this…astrology is all in good fun, even if its “uncanny accuracy” is essentially just confirmation bias as someone mentioned above. I put little to no weight in any of these predictions, but it was still fun to read — and exciting that apparently my Pisces/Virgo relationship is destined to be U-Haul material. 😛 Plus, as others have said, it’s refreshing to read a horoscope that is not painfully heteronormative (oh hai Seventeen, thanks for convincing teenage me that I was a total weirdo for being queer!)

  38. I feel a little let down because astrological descriptions for Aries all tend to describe someone as hot-headed, competitive and aggressive… which I am not AT ALL. In fact, Pieces and Taurus better describe my personality. If someone were to try to hook up with me based on my birthday (April 3), I think they’d be sorely disappointed!

    …then again, no one’s ever tried to use a pick up line on me (ever) so there’s that.

  39. On my 25th birthday, some friends threw me a party at our local gay bar. A girl who’d actively pursued me for some time with no interest from me came up and said, “Oh, you’re a Gemini. No wonder you won’t go out with me.” I guess that made her feel better than the real reason. Regardless, since then whenever someone brings the Zodiac into a conversation, I think of that, her, and am pretty much turned off. Sorry, it’s just not my thing.

  40. This is AWESOME! I don’t make dating/relationship decisions based on someone’s astrological sign, but the descriptions above were kinda spot-on. Sooo, in the spirit of good fun, this Taurus girl is setting out to find her perfect Capricorn, ..or Virgo, ..or Cancer….LOL! ☺

  41. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  42. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

  43. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  44. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  45. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  46. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  47. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! 🙂 <3

  48. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  49. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  50. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  51. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  52. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  53. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  54. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  55. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  56. I am a scorpio and I know a lot of scorpios and this (very consistent) characterization is not even remotely true for a single one of the ~10 I am thinking of right now…

  57. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness 🙂 Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  58. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

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