Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

libra_300x300LIBRA (September 23 – October 22) As a Libra, you are one suave motherfucker. Do you appreciate art, beauty, and the finer things in life? You thrive on them. Do you know how to charm the most beautiful lady at the gallery opening, ballet, or feminist punk show? Probably, once you’ve got your groove on. Libras live for other people and finding the perfect person (or a few perfect people) is the ultimate goal in your life. If you can get your smooth-talking hands on someone who has the same intense sense of justice and set of values,  you are pleased as punch. Until then, you have no problem talking the nearest hottie into a date with nothing but a rose and some playing cards.

U-Haul Material – Gemini, Leo, Libra, Aquarius

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Taurus, Capricorn

Best Lesbros Forever – Cancer, Scorpio

LIBRA and ARIES You know that couple who are such utter and complete opposites that no one can understand why they bought a cat together? Aries and Libra are that couple. Opposites in every single way, the “opposites attract” mantra will only work for the first encounter or two. Once they start fully expressing their personalities, it might be time to divide up the fiestaware and vegan cookbooks. Libra values fairness and deep consideration before decisions, Aries values being headstrong and sticking to your gut. Libra thinks Aries is a pompous ass, Aries thinks Libra is a wishy-washy weakling. It’ll take a lot of processing to make this work, and even though we queers love processing, this pair might murder each other before getting all their feelings out. If you can avoid this hookup, it will save you a lot of frustrated tears and grudge-watching The L Word.

LIBRA and TAURUS If they can find a way to balance all their differences, this could be really great, but their differences are many. Libra needs to talk everything out, and Taurus isn’t a big talker. Libra also wants constant approval, which Taurus doesn’t feel is necessary or in their rights to give. Taurus feels worn out by Libra, and Libra feels frustrated by Taurus’ stubborn commitment to taking the backseat on every issue that Libra wants to consider. This translates to some possibly awkward give and take in the bedroom. Taurus loves the good things in life, but Libra’s more worried about having the classier things in life, or at least things that will gain Libra more social acceptance. Their view on how others see them and the relationship will probably get in the way of things more than it helps them grow, and that could get super messy super fast, especially if one of them isn’t out or is worried about being out to their family. Think this one through before going all the way, kids.

LIBRA and GEMINI There are gigantic hearts in the eyes of these two when they meet. Libra just wants to talk about art and books, and Gemini falls heads over heels for Libra’s natural balance between nerd and beauty. Libra is always working on a new project, and Gemini is more than happy to come along for the ride. Because both are naturally balanced by dual sides, they bring an extreme amount of harmony to the negotiation of a relationship, as well as the bedroom. There may not be as much passion here, but it’s the kind of partnership that could last forever.

LIBRA and CANCER They first bond over a shared love for an artist or musician, because they’ve both got an innate interest in the beautiful things in life. Unfortunately, after the first conversation, Cancer thinks Libra’s a bit of a snob, and Libra thinks Cancer needs to get out more. But who would have thought that first impressions would lead to a killer friendship? Libra’s balancing nature is perfect for Cancer, who needs a little nurturing every once in a while. They have the same interests, the same taste, and they care a lot about that taste in the people they call friends. They’re chilling at concerts, getting too excited at the art gallery, and admiring each other’s matching (and gorgeous) tattoos. As lovers, it’s a tough go between moody Cancer and indecisive Libra, since Cancer likes to pick a fight when they’re bothered and Libra can’t decide which side of the argument they’re on, but as friends they’re taking over the gayborhood.

LIBRA and LEO These two are all over each other from day one, and it’s just too darn cute. Libra loves lavish Leo and can’t help but show their partner off. Leo is tickled by Libra’s natural charm, and their ego has never been stroked better. They’re the couple that continually brags to their friends about their a-MAY-zing partner. That’s because they only have good things to report – they both provide exactly what the other needs in a relationship, with their chief strengths balancing the other’s. This is a pair that gets shit done. Leo’s a leader with plans, and Libra’s someone who knows how to finish the job. That translates to exactly what you think it means in the bedroom.

LIBRA and VIRGO Virgo’s attention to detail and need for everything in its rightful place might irk other signs, but Libra finds it irresistible. They’re making out at art galleries and the opera and getting highly sexual after antiquing on the weekends. Virgo’s the last to admit it, but they’re actually huge suckers for charmers, and Libra is the sign that charms for a living. Unfortunately, Libra can take the charm a little too far, and Virgo might start to think their shallow side is too frivolous, which is not at all in Virgo’s serious life plans. While Virgo’s not usually one for flings, the chemistry between them means that there’s no way they’re not getting it on, and even if it doesn’t last, there’s going to be a lot of beautiful antique furniture to fight over and remind them that at least they had that glorious sex life.

LIBRA and LIBRA Not surprising at all, these two well-balanced people lead to a very well-balanced love life. They both love the finer things in life, and their resulting abode is ridiculously fine. They love giving each other lavish gifts, and their date nights are usually an effort to outdo the last haute affair. Sexually, they’re both all about beauty and pleasure, and that translates to the ultimate sensuality. Emotionally, they’re practically harmonic. Each understands the other’s tendency to people-please and give in to the crowd’s demands. As a result, they’re extra good to one another and make sure their needs are met in the relationship so they don’t feel pressure to seek them socially. There isn’t much need to worry about conflict, because both know exactly how to smooth over an issue with their attention to fairness and their ability to talk in and out of anything. It’s a beautiful scenario.

LIBRA and SCORPIO These two were born collaborators, with both signs interested in power. Scorpio has emotional power and Libra has intellectual power, which means that the projects they tackle together are going to be monumental. They’ve probably fallen into an easy friendship before anything else, because while Libra loves what Scorpio brings to the table, they’re not used to someone with a secretive side, and Scorpio isn’t going to open up around someone so open. At the same time, they’re both naturally seductive people who live to charm others, and the sexual banter between them has definitely flared up at one point or another. If it leads to love, so be it, but they also might just be great lesbros with benefits.

LIBRA and SAGITTARIUS When their eyes meet for the first time, the attraction is instant. These two have an innate bond that cannot be beat, and they will probably act on it as soon as possible. Libra loves worldly Sagittarius’ adventurous lifestyle, and Sagittarius loves nothing more than listening to Libra rave about their favorite art and music. These two will be ravishing each other as soon as is humanly possible. There’s tons of energy here, sexual and otherwise, and it’s the kind of thing that can make their connection easy and fun for both. Neither likes stagnancy or the feeling that anything in their life has become dull, and the hot stuff between them is going to keep everyone on their toes. This immediate intimacy could translate itself to a friendship or a relationship with little issue, and it’s up to the pair to decide if they’re better suited for hanging out or making out.

LIBRA and CAPRICORN They meet at Ladies Night. Capricorn’s been dragged out by friends because they’re just not one for big social events. Libra is the life of the party, and there’s something about someone who lives life so radically different from Capricorn that draws them together. That opposite chemistry keeps things heated in the moment, but there’s a lot of road blocks to navigate if this turns into a relationship. Capricorn is going to take issue with Libra’s indecisiveness, especially if that trait gets in the way of Capricorn’s ambitions. Libra can’t believe Capricorn would rather toil through the hard way rather than come up with a better solution. If there’s a fight brewing, Libra will give in before it even starts, which means Capricorn might be getting their way a little too often. It’s a situation that needs care and practice to succeed.

LIBRA and AQUARIUS Libra loves the finer things in life, and Aquarius is like a beautiful work of art they just can’t resist. Libra can’t help but fall hard for Aquarius’ creative streak, and Aquarius’ passion for improving the world means they share important values with fair and justice-minded Libra. Whether they’re organizing a rally or updating their social justice tumblr, these two have a perfect harmony that makes them an unstoppable force when it comes to bringing about positive change. In the bedroom, they’re bringing new meaning to activism, and keeping things energetic and exciting. It’s a lovely relationship for these two, and for the rest of the world.

LIBRA and PISCES It’s hot between these two from the first, with Libra wanting to explore all of Pisces’ inner fantasies, and Pisces positively swooning over the professional charmer. There is an innate fascination with one another that comes from a mutual love for beauty and a keen sense of aesthetic. They’ll immediately want to figure each other’s nuances and points of pleasure, and it will make for some sexy situations. At the same time, they have to be careful of their differences; Libra’s rigid sense of right and wrong doesn’t blend well with Pisces’ tendency to see the love in everyone, and fights will be devastating for sensitive Pisces, who feels much deeper than Libra’s ability to turn the emotions off when needed. Tread carefully but love hard.


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ARIESTAURUSGEMINICANCERLEOVIRGOLIBRASCORPIOSAGITTARIUSCAPRICORNAQUARIUSPISCES


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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.

264 Comments

  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting lmao.so yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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