Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

cancer_300x300CANCER (June 21-July 22) You’re a big sweetheart with an intense maternal instinct. You’ve got a gigantic heart that you wear on your sleeve, and you defend the ones you love with a fierce sense of loyalty. In life, you’re all about a cozy home and a harmonious family, whether that means blood relations or the queer family you’ve built in their place. In love, you’re the nurturer whose intense emotions might come across as moody, but whose feelings are worth the effort. You’re sensitive and soulful, and the sign most likely to settle down first – you’re the queer that isn’t always joking when you bring up a U-Haul.

U-Haul Material – Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Leo, Scorpio, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Sagittarius, Aquarius, Gemini

Best Lesbros Forever – Libra, Capricorn

CANCER and ARIES Cancer and Aries are the kind of pairing that are perfect for a night of intense loving, or for bringing home to meet the parents. The sex is equal parts emotion and animal lust. Cancer opens up the less-emotional Aries, and Aries throws all their passion into loving Cancer, which is enough to make any sensitive Cancer swoon. A long relationship will require some compromise, since Cancer’s feelings are easily hurt and Aries are not known for their subtlety. Luckily their differences are not enough that they can’t be learned and adjusted. The sex is fantastic and keeps Aries coming back for more, while the deep love and compassion makes Cancer pretty hopelessly in love with Aries. Expect commitment ceremonies and sperm donors in the near future.

CANCER and TAURUS Explosively good sex, with sensitive Cancer finding true love in Taurus’ romantic arms. It is law. Taurus wants to take it slow, and emotional Cancer finds this kind of passion and attention to needs something they’ve rarely experienced. Cancer needs loyalty and deep love, which is exactly what Taurus lives to provide. There’s going to be a lot of gazing into each other’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings with these two. They are guaranteed to be that couple that makes all their friends vomit, but who even cares? This shit is beautiful.

CANCER and GEMINI This is a relationship best left untested. Cancer’s sensitive and emotional side demands a great deal from the mercurial Gemini, and Gemini has always found neediness to be a turn-off. They might hit it off at Queer Speed Dating when Gemini’s smooth talking makes Cancer swoon, and Cancer’s lack of communication is fascinating to intellectual Gemini, who might see the crab as a puzzle to solve. Unfortunately, the solved puzzle only reveals that Cancer’s deep emotions need someone to slowly and surely appreciate them, and Gemini’s attention is on new and more stimulating things faster than your iTunes switches to a Robyn song. If Gemini figures out that feelings can be fascinating unto themselves, and if Cancer can learn to communicate, there might be a potential for something here, but it’ll take careful navigation.

CANCER and CANCER Cancer on Cancer means an intense drive to find home in one another, and with their understanding of each other’s unique emotional needs, home is where the heart is. Happiest when they are together in the comforts of their very well-stocked love shack, these two enjoy nothing more than staying in bed and cuddling all day. Since their emotions are easily hurt, fights between them are often pretty devastating, but they’re also fastest to heal because a pair of Cancers innately understand the unique ways a crab heart can break and mend. And it’s unlikely this relationship is going to end any time soon, since the Cancer extreme dedication to commitment and loyalty is alive and well when two Cancers get together. Expect a dual purchase of a Prius any day now.

CANCER and LEO Fire and water are always a potent combination, and here there’s a definite sexual chemistry that keeps the two hot and bothered. Cancer is immediately into the status that Leo brings to the room, and Leo feels charmed the moment the Crab starts stroking their ego. When they’re done flirting about their history of alternative lifestyle haircuts, they’re going to be ripping each other’s clothes off. Is it a hot night? Damn right. Will it last forever? Maybe not. Leo likes to live large, which doesn’t always mean the safe and secure nest that Cancer prefers. Leo’s a leader whether they want to be or not, but Cancer knows all about their sensitive side, a tender underbelly that they don’t mind snipping at when in one of their famous moods. Tread carefully, queerios.

CANCER and VIRGO If you befriend a Cancer and Virgo, you can expect that brunch at their place is going to be spectacular. Their home is perfection, their lives are on track, and they’re on Bette and Tina pilot episode vibes. These two are both known for their U-Haul tendencies, and for once, they’ve found a mate who feels the same way about making joint purchases on dining room sets. Virgos live to make their partner happy and to improve their life to the fullest, and Cancer’s a sucker for someone who takes the time to love them the right way, especially in spite of their moodier nature. It’s a match made in Crate and Barrel heaven.

CANCER and LIBRA They first bond over a shared love for an artist or musician, because they’ve both got an innate interest in the beautiful things in life. Unfortunately, after the first conversation, Cancer thinks Libra’s a bit of a snob, and Libra thinks Cancer needs to get out more. But who would have thought that first impressions would lead to a killer friendship? Libra’s balancing nature is perfect for Cancer, who needs a little nurturing every once in a while. They have the same interests, the same taste, and they care a lot about that taste in the people they call friends. They’re chilling at concerts, getting too excited at the zine festival, and admiring each other’s matching (and gorgeous) tattoos. As lovers, it’s a tough go between moody Cancer and indecisive Libra, since Cancer likes to pick a fight when they’re bothered and Libra can’t decide which side of the argument they’re on, but as friends they’re taking over the gayborhood.

CANCER and SCORPIO Damn. Both of these signs are super intense in everything they do, and the resulting sexual intensity is off the charts. Cancer is immediately drawn to brooding passionate Scorpio, and Scorpio loves that Cancer wants to see them at their most powerful and protective. They’re a possessive duo, so the bedroom is going to get totally trashed in the process of all these passion plays. Because both like their secrets, with Cancer keeping as much in their shell as they’d like, and Scorpio forever unpredictable, the passion can get a little dangerous, but it’s definitely a hot kind of dangerous. Can it last? Maybe not, since Cancer wants security and Scorpio is not what we’d call stable. The sex in the meantime is enough to keep them coming back for more regardless.

CANCER and SAGITTARIUS What seems like a good idea in the heat of the moment doesn’t look as good in the morning. Didn’t Bright Eyes write a song about that? Well, Cancer will be listening to a lot of Bright Eyes after Sagittarius takes a romp through their life. Sagittarius wants adventure, and freedom to seek the next thrill, and Cancer wants comfort, security, and someone to love them in all the right nurturing ways. Tread carefully, kids, because these two could not be more different in their approaches to life, and unless those differences are mapped out, it’s going to be a rough go.

CANCER and CAPRICORN They may be on opposite ends of the zodiac, but Cancer and Capricorn do a fantastic job of balancing each other out. Capricorn’s overly logical side is well matched by Cancer’s emotional center. Sexual chemistry is not at the forefront of this relationship and they’re probably much better suited for friendship than love, but no one can doubt that they bring out the best in each other. They’re both known for being ridiculously loyal and persistent, so they’ve got each other’s backs no matter what. In a relationship, this could lead to some hard-headed fighting when it comes to the bigger decisions, but damn it all if they don’t stick it through on principal alone.

CANCER and AQUARIUS Opposites attract? Sort of. Aquarius wants to hit the club and douse themselves in glow paint, Cancer wants to stay in and hate-watch The Real L Word. Cancers feel their way through decisions and rely on emotions to guide them, Aquarius goes the experimental route. It’s rare that these two will find something they agree on, but that’s not to say there isn’t something sparking there regardless. Water and air make for an interesting combination, especially in the bedroom. Aquarius flits from one bed to the next without a lot of issues, but sex with Cancer is an emotional affair that’s expected to lead somewhere homey. There might be something to learn from the encounter, but it’ll take a lot of work to make it something more.

CANCER and PISCES There’s an immediate sense of intimacy when Cancer and Pisces cross paths. Cancer can’t help but fall hard for Pisces’ sympathetic nature, and Pisces loves that Cancer has a soulful side. The bond between them is ridiculously strong, and with two water signs suddenly embracing, it’s the kind of sex that you sob tears of joy over. Cancer is ready to settle down, though, and Pisces is still always on that journey towards themselves, always living in a dreamscape just out of reach, so there is a bit of tension in their goals for each other. If it turns to a lifelong love, it’ll be all the stronger, but it might be that their differences are just enough to make them appreciate the glorious sex on its own.


Jump to Another Sign:

ARIESTAURUSGEMINICANCERLEOVIRGOLIBRASCORPIOSAGITTARIUSCAPRICORNAQUARIUSPISCES


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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.

264 Comments

  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting lmao.so yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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