Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

virgo_300x300VIRGO (August 22 – September 22) Virgos just want to make everyone happy, and it’s the thing that brings you the most joy and the most pain. You want to bring out the best in all the loved ones that surround you, and you’re willing to do whatever is needed to get them there. More than any sign, you’re the most driven to help others, and it shows in the depth of your relationships. You’re all about the details, which means nothing is left untouched in the bedroom. You can be counted on to get it done – whether it’s a work project or that cute butch you’ve been eyeing.

U-Haul Material – Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Libra, Aquarius, Scorpio

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Gemini, Leo

Best Lesbros Forever – Sagittarius

VIRGO and ARIES Virgo makes Aries want to show off and charm them the old-fashioned way, and Virgo loves Aries’ courageous streak. Expect Aries to woo Virgo by sticking up for them in public, beating off the gross dude at the bar, or straight up asking Virgo to go home with them. While it’ll definitely be a fun night, this is dangerous relationship material. Aries’ ego is needy, and Virgo gives and gives and gives. Borderline abusive behavior could easily become part of this dynamic. Virgos are already prone to worrying and fussing, and trust them to pour all of their energy into loving and caring for Aries, regardless of Aries reciprocating. And Aries might not reciprocate, given the fact that Aries is going to think of Aries first and foremost. Aries also do best with a partner they respect, and their differences will make it difficult for them to respect Virgo, which is a recipe for disaster. Aries will get bored and look for something else, and Virgo will likely cling until they’re shaken off, coming away bruised and sorry. Proceed with caution, clamdivers.

VIRGO and TAURUS Reserve the U-Haul now, kids. These two are perfect for each other. Expect these two to find a nice little place in Vermont, where they’ll have a quiet happy existence, maybe breed some retrievers, raise some goats. I’m not being sarcastic when I say that it’s exactly what they both want. Taurus is practical and comfort-seeking, Virgo is grounded and loves to provide that comfort. Taurus is on the earthy, laidback side of things, and Virgo the perfectionist takes care of the details while Taurus tackles the big picture in the most rational way possible. There’s no problem they can’t handle. Patient Taurus calms Virgo’s anxiety, which is exactly what Virgo needs and rarely finds in a partner. It’s totally beautiful.

VIRGO and GEMINI It would be difficult to find a less emotionally compatible match than these two. Virgo brings lots of demands to any relationship, and demands and needs are something that Gemini generally hates. Gemini wants someone to provide them with fun and witty banter to keep things heated, but Virgo sides with seriousness and wants romance to build from meaningful dialogues and deep conversations. Virgo’s issues are translated as fussy, and Gemini’s issues are translated as flighty. Not even the sex is going to be that great, because Virgo wants all love-making to have great emotional meaning, and Gemini doesn’t need all that seriousness in the bedroom. Neither is going to find what they need in the other person unless they try extremely hard to see from the other’s point of view. This will take work, but since both are ruled by Mercury, a successful relationship would be incredibly powerful, though rare.

VIRGO and CANCER If you befriend a Cancer and Virgo, you can expect that brunch at their place is going to be spectacular. Their home is perfection, their lives are on track, and they’re on Bette and Tina pilot episode vibes. These two are both known for their U-Haul tendencies, and for once, they’ve found a mate who feels the same way about making joint purchases on dining room sets. Virgo lives to make their partner happy and improve their life to the fullest, and Cancer’s a sucker for someone who takes the time to love them the right way, especially in spite of their moodier nature. It’s a match made in Crate and Barrel heaven.

VIRGO and LEO Blushing Virgo falls for the charming Leo from the first, and Leo likes just about anyone who likes them in return. Unfortunately, they’ve got little in common beyond their affection for each other, and that affection might wear thin once perfectionist Virgo starts to point out Leo’s flaws, which is the number one no-no in Leo’s little black book. Leo deflates under Virgo’s criticisms, even if Virgo is just trying to help their lion get to their best. Virgo takes the quiet route while Leo keeps tumbling headfirst into the spotlight, and Leo might start to feel a lack of support from Virgo, while Virgo isn’t sure Leo is even aware of their needs anymore. If they can take the time to be very careful with each other’s very specific needs, it just might work, but work it will be.

VIRGO and VIRGO When it comes to being in love, a pair of Virgo’s love for each other could power most of North America. No one is more devoted or committed to caring for the other, and their helping nature means they’re always improving each other’s lives.  Their house is spotless, their kids have got it together (and yes, they will probably be having kids soon, if they don’t already), and their lives seem nothing short of perfection. That’s because Virgo doesn’t know how to aim for anything but perfect. Their deep understanding of each other allows them to navigate the touchier situations prompted by their perfectionist stances, and even when they’re in one of their critical moods, they appreciate the other’s sincere attention to details. They might appear intimidating to all their friends because their lives are just *that* together, but everyone’s overjoyed to see picky Virgo finally fall for someone who gets all their little quirks.

VIRGO and LIBRA Libra loves the finer things in life, and Virgo is one of those finer things. Virgo’s attention to detail and need for everything in its rightful place might irk other signs, but Libra finds it irresistible. They’re making out at art galleries and the opera and getting highly sexual after antiquing on the weekends. Virgos are the last to admit it, but they’re actually huge suckers for charmers, and Libra is the sign that charms for a living. Unfortunately, Libra can take the charm a little too far, and Virgo might start to think their shallow side is too frivolous, which is not at all in Virgo’s serious life plans. While Virgo’s not usually one for flings, the chemistry between them means that there’s no way they’re not getting it on, and even if it doesn’t last, there’s going to be a lot of beautiful antique furniture to fight over and remind them that at least they had that glorious sex life.

VIRGO and SCORPIO Intensity is the name of the game when these two get together. Virgo wants sex to be serious and passionate, and Scorpio doesn’t know how to have sex any other way. Virgo is immediately drawn to brooding Scorpio, and Scorpio’s love for power fits perfectly with Virgo’s love for order. In the bedroom, it’s a level of intensity that most signs wouldn’t even want to handle. And they do spend a lot of time in the bedroom, because neither is a social butterfly, and when they’re alone together they seem to get the most done. Unfortunately, Virgo’s not really prepared for Scorpio’s unpredictable sides, and their perfectionist nature means they might have trouble dealing with Scorpio’s outbursts of hidden emotions. If they can work at their high standards, they might make the relationship succeed, but no one said that the sex wasn’t already a wild success.

VIRGO and SAGITTARIUS While a relationship might not be the best idea for these two, they’re best friends first. Both are fantastic at balancing the other, with Virgo’s practicality a plus for Sagittarius, and Sagittarius’ need for freedom is not a problem for Virgo, who just wants to give the other person what’s best for them. Sagittarius isn’t fond of Virgo’s perfectionist side, and might feel pressure when Virgo tries to put Sag’s crazy life in order. Virgo thinks Sag is too high energy and needs a life plan. If they can overlook these critiques of the other, they actually balance each other super well on the wingwoman front, and as friends, they’re a loyal pair. As lovers, there might be too many obstacles for this to go anywhere but south…and not the sexy ‘going south’.

VIRGO and CAPRICORN Talk about a couple that gets it done! Capricorn and Virgo are two pragmatic queers who are obsessed with hard work. You better hope this isn’t a work relationship, because they’re probably going to take over the company. Capricorn has ambitions, and Virgo just wants to see them reach all their goals. Their attention to details means no inch is left untouched in the bedroom, and since they’re both notoriously picky, they come together as a result of feeling the other is perfect and deserving of this relationship. Once they hook up, they’re hooking up for good, because they come to see that in their world of super high standards, no one else compares 2 u.

VIRGO and AQUARIUS They’re going to drive each other crazy, either the good crazy or the bad crazy, but it’ll definitely translate to something sexy. Aquarius represents everything that drives Virgo up the wall. Virgo likes plans and down to earth goals, Aquarius likes experimenting and isn’t the best at follow-through. Aquarius wants to keep it fresh and new, Virgo loves a comfortable routine. They might irritate each other’s tender parts, but they might just have the best parts for scratching those particular itches. At some point, their frustration with their opposite status will probably lead to explosive sexual culmination, as Aquarius just wants to get Virgo to shake it up a little, and Virgo’s tight-assed lifestyle sometimes yearns for a little danger they’ll never own up to later. Just beware folks, because when these two queers go for it, they are definitely going to explode.

VIRGO and PISCES These two have a deep and consuming love for one another. They are on very similar emotional levels, and there might be a few tears of joys following their sex lives. Pisces has an intense sympathy and emotional intuition that lets them tap into all of sensitive Virgo’s needs. And since Pisces are prone to forgetting to take care of themselves in order to do the same for someone else, Virgo’s impulse to nurture means that Pisces is always taken care of. It’s the perfect balance for two people who live to find love.

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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.


  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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