Your Completely Queer Guide To Horoscope Hookups

capricorn_300x300CAPRICORN (December 21 – January 19) You may be accused of being a workaholic, but you know exactly how much work to put into your relationships, Capricorn. Your dedication to your goals means you’re super dedicated in love, and like all the other projects in your life, you see your relationship as something that deserves all of your attention. As a result, you give your all in the bedroom and keep ladies coming back with your steadfast nature. And while you’re called ambitious at the office, you’re also ambitious in your sex life, with no limit to the positions you’re willing to try to satisfy your cutie. Out of all the signs, you’re the one most concerned with achieving your personal bests, and there’s no way you’d ever let your lovers feel as though they weren’t receiving the highest quality of loving possible.

U-Haul Material – Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio

Explosive Fingerblasting Chemistry – Gemini, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces

Beware of Trainwreck – Aries, Libra

Best Lesbros Forever – Cancer, Leo, Aquarius

CAPRICORN and ARIES Capricorn is no nonsense, and Aries just wants to have fun. The two are an odd couple, and one that probably will fall apart after lots of irritating habits and fighting about nothing. Capricorn is focused on their career, success, and all the goals they’ve made for themselves, but Aries isn’t one to cheerlead or give all their attention to someone else’s dreams. Capricorn doesn’t want to waste time with someone who isn’t going to get them where they want to go, and Aries gets bored so easily that Capricorn’s life strategies will seem predictable and dull. When it comes to actually confronting situations, Aries will yell about everything and Capricorn will be silent. Aries love the gestures and the chase, and Capricorn’s reserved until the last, so sex will be a whole lot of teasing before it gets to the pleasing. This results in pretty great sex from all that pent up frustration, but it’s not enough to keep either party invested for the longterm.

CAPRICORN and TAURUS Taurus is Capricorn’s ideal mate. Capricorn provides stability to Taurus while ultimately inspiring their partner. Taurus is the cheerleader for all of Capricorn’s hopes and dreams, which are typically big and lofty. There’s nothing the two of them can’t accomplish together. In a relationship, they’re the envy of all their friends and the one couple that no one thinks will ever break up because they’re so perfect together. They are Tina and Bette in the pilot, but only the pilot.

CAPRICORN and GEMINI As far as chemistry goes, this is yet another moment of opposites attract. Capricorn lives by the tried and true rules that are gonna get them ahead, and is often accused of being a little too square. Gemini just wants to get under their skin and shake them up a little, get them to see outside of the box for a few hours. One night stand? Hot. Actual relationship? Ouch. In their approach to life, they are complete polar opposites, and not even in a sexy way. Gemini believes rules are meant to be broken and re-examined. Capricorn refuses to break rules, and is obsessed with achieving their many intense goals. Gemini thinks goals are social constructions. If these two can make it work, goddess bless them, but it’s going to be an uphill climb from day one.

CAPRICORN and CANCER They may be on opposite ends of the zodiac, but Cancer and Capricorn do a fantastic job of balancing each other out. Capricorn’s overly logical side is well matched by Cancer’s emotional center. Sexual chemistry is not at the forefront of this relationship and they’re probably much better suited for friendship than love, but no one can doubt that they bring out the best in each other. They’re both known for being ridiculously loyal and persistent, so they’ve got each other’s backs no matter what. In a relationship, this could lead to some hard-headed fighting when it comes to the bigger decisions, but damn it all if they don’t stick it through on principal alone.

CAPRICORN and LEO An unlikely pair, these two end up balancing each other very well. No one thought studious and serious Capricorn would ever start hanging out with loud and proud Leo, but it turns out that they create a unique little harmony that no one saw coming. Capricorn may still roll their eyes at Leo’s social bravado, and Leo’s always trying to get Capricorn to “just live a little,” but it makes for two people who genuinely care about the other, and are loyal through thick and thin. Leo is loyal to the ones they love, and Capricorn is well-known for their persistence and devotion. These two have each other’s back no matter what, even when they cannot see eye to eye on anything else. As lovers, it’s a difficult situation both are ridiculously stubborn, and when matters of the heart don’t align, it’s going to take forever for them to understand one another. As friends, they bring out the best in each other, and the differences between them don’t ruin the dedication they’ve cultivated together.

CAPRICORN and VIRGO Talk about a couple that gets it done! Capricorn and Virgo are two pragmatic queers who are obsessed with hard work. You better hope this isn’t a work relationship, because they’re probably going to take over the company. Capricorn has ambitions, and Virgo just wants to see them reach all their goals. Their attention to details means no inch is left untouched in the bedroom, and since they’re both notoriously picky, they come together as a result of feeling the other is perfect and deserving of this relationship. Once they hook up, they’re hooking up for good, because they come to see that in their world of super high standards, no one compares 2 u.

CAPRICORN and LIBRA They meet at Ladies Night. Capricorn’s been dragged out by friends because they’re just not one for big social events. Libra is the life of the party, and there’s something about someone who lives life so radically different from Capricorn that draws them together. That opposite chemistry keeps things heated in the moment, but there’s a lot of road blocks to navigate if this turns into a relationship. Capricorn is going to take issue with Libra’s indecisiveness, especially if that trait gets in the way of Capricorn’s ambitions. Libra can’t believe Capricorn would rather toil through the hard way rather than come up with a better solution. If there’s a fight brewing, Libra will give in before it even starts, which means Capricorn might be getting their way a little too often. It’s a situation that needs care and practice to succeed.

CAPRICORN and SCORPIO This is a fantastic pairing with lasting power. Capricorn has ambitious goals they want to accomplish, and Scorpio would love to lend their attention and passion to help them get there. Capricorn keeps Scorpio grounded even when they’re launching into one of their intense moods, and Scorpio pulls Capricorn out of their tight-assed life to experience some mind-numbingly good passion. Scorpio’s emotions need Capricorn’s logic, and since Capricorn doesn’t need to be the leader, they can hand over that position to Scorpio while still getting everything done in the background. It’s the kind of pairing that OkCupid needs on their front page.

CAPRICORN and SAGITTARIUS Opposites are attracting pretty hard in this pairing. Sagittarius is everything Capricorn doesn’t understand in a person, and they might see them as a distraction from their best-laid plans. But Sag knows an attractive queer when they see ’em and they want to get in there and rile Capricorn up a little. Is it the recipe for a longterm relationship? Probably not, unless Sagittarius can turn down their freewheelin’ instincts and learn to work a little, and if Capricorn can see Sagittarius’ different perspective as something to be appreciated rather than ignored. In the meantime, Sagittarius is all sexy can I and Capricorn is actually closing out of iCal for once.

CAPRICORN and CAPRICORN These two are getting shit done, and they’re getting it done well. They know what they want, and they’re both determined to get there. This translates to the bedroom extremely well, where chemistry is intense and the two finds themselves competing to be best. It’s an even match, though, and this competition might leak into the rest of their lives, where their drive to the top could mean stepping on each other in the process. Romance is not at the forefront of their minds, so sexual power withstanding, they’re not about to sacrifice their goals for a silly thing called love.

CAPRICORN and AQUARIUS These two have very different lifestyles, but somehow they still manage to bring out some of the best things about each other. Aquarius loves to idealize and Capricorn loves to rationalize, which means when they can take the time to solve a problem together, they balance each other nicely. This can mean either a sexy balance or a very friendly balance, but both are going to remain true to each other. Their loyalty is unfailing. Both are stubborn and fixed in their values, and when those values align, they’ll become very powerful allies. Aquarius sees that Capricorn’s goal-oriented way of getting things done is very similar to their need to make projects out of everyone, and they can help each other a great deal if they take the time to listen.

CAPRICORN and PISCES Their friends think this might be the worst idea ever, with Capricorn obsessed with their detailed calendar and getting a promotion, and Pisces wandering from one job to the next, head seemingly in the clouds, but somehow this works in the bedroom in ways no one had expected. Pisces wants to show Capricorn that exploring new things can be extra fun, and Capricorn finds that the best way to ground Pisces in the present is to give them a physical experience that won’t let them do anything but live in the moment. It might take work to make this last, especially because their lives are on such different levels and while Pisces might be able to idealize their way into feelings for Capricorn, Capricorn isn’t terribly respectful of Pisces’ feelings. Be careful, but let yourselves feel it out.


Jump to Another Sign:

ARIESTAURUSGEMINICANCERLEOVIRGOLIBRASCORPIOSAGITTARIUSCAPRICORNAQUARIUSPISCES


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Full-time writer, part-time lover, freelancing in fancy cheese and cider.

Kate has written 130 articles for us.

264 Comments

  1. SPOT ON, BANG TIDY & SERIOUSLY GENIUS.. Loving your work :o) Feels like this was written with humour, empathy and the perfect balance between providing enough relevant info to be useful without going OTT..
    I’m a Gemini and am enjoying probably the most gorgeous relationship of my life so far with a Taurean lady. On paper it should be a train wreck, but in fact it’s just beautiful. Am just enjoying every day as it comes and not questioning or analysing it. I love astrology and think there’s a lot of helpful insight to be gained from it, equally I’m so happy to be in a relationship that’s an exception to the mystic rule book..

  2. Ha — it’s always been kind of hard to put stock in horoscopes when I’m a leo, and while I can be egotistical, I’m also the shy, socially awkward, anxious type. I still think they’re fun, though.

    • aha, yea same, sometimes i always wonder if im even a leo or if the astrology chart is wrong, because most times when you look up, “intresting facts about leos”, one of them will always say that a leo is super confident, I mean yes I can be very confident and out going, but not necessarily with, love, friends, and other things.But ya know, im a teen and ive never dated a girl before, but i already know i like women, because ya know, ya just know.But uh, yea, i found this pretty helpful. Also i just like commenting lmao.so yeeeee

    • And the Virgo thing is also wrong. Virgos love to fall for me. Every. Last. One. Critical thinkers who explore the world and learn together, maybe write, draw, and dance a bit, that’s what Aries and Virgos do.

  3. Anassa Kata!! Greetings from Israel. I just joined autostraddle. I am known as OldLadyKlainer on tumblr. I graduated from BMC in ’75
    with a major in Hist.of Religion. I have 3 grown children: my ‘baby’
    is a combat soldier in the IDF and a TaeKwonDo champion. My older daughter lives in NYC and is LGBT. She goes to college. I am a Sagittarius who may be a ‘late in life’ LGBT woman (like Meredith
    Baxter). I am a retired chef and English teacher; currently I do clothing alterations at home. I crochet, knit, quilt, cook and read
    ferociously. I look forward to reading your columns in the future.
    So nice to meet you. mamahufflepuff

  4. I’ve always loved astrology so this was fun to read :p I’m a Capricorn and my girlfriend is a Gemini and we’re more similar to each other than to anyone else. Been dating almost a year and have yet to really argue. I totally agree with my description, but I guess she’s a rare seed with hers because I think she should really be a Taurus xD Super fun article :3

  5. OHMYGOD you guys. Try looking at these with you & your partner’s Venus signs. Taken in combination with your sun signs, you may find that the parts you disagree with are right on the money with the Venus signs.

    I’m a Sagittarius sun and Scorpio Venus. My girlfriends are Capricorn/Capricorn and Aquarius/Pisces. My newest interest is a Taurus/Gemini, and while I would never make a relationship decision based exclusively on someone’s astrological indications, there’s nothing wrong with noticing patterns. My best friends, my lovers that were great, and the ones that weren’t, and the people I can’t stand – mostly fit the pattern (with a few outliers).

  6. yeah. i’m used to Cancer assessments being deadddd wrong for me. sucks because i’m super into astrology/metaphysical stuff!

    i’m basically the exact opposite of needy and/or emotional in relationships. i’ve almost exclusively been in friends-with-benefits situations (with one possible exception, and that ended BECAUSE i wasn’t aware that we were “official” until they brought it up casually & i bolted), and i don’t have plans to change that in future.

    the potential of commitment by either me or the other party freaks me out, i don’t like monogamy, i never get emotionally invested or have butterflies / general mushy feelings, & i’m all-around aromantic… how far from Cancer can you get?!

    but i still like to cuddle!

    the Aquarius description isn’t far off, which is interesting since that’s my moon sign. maybe that’s my dominant personality since Cancers are ruled by the moon! see, i want it to work!

  7. So I thought “this is a fun article” and I pop over to the Scorpio page and start reading through and everything hits the mark except for one really clashing part… the bit where I’m meant to be introverted.

    And then I see the apparent reaction between Scorpio and Leo and I’m thinking, “this Leo sounds more like me”.

    So I go over to the Leo page and read the first bit and everything agrees with me… but then it doesn’t mention some of the things that really clicked on the Scorpio page. The only way I can figure it is that personality-wise I must be some kind of mad combination of the two. It is true that I need my personal space but I also crave so much my very active social life and have past experience of being absolutely miserable without it.

    The horoscope here indicates the combination of personality types as a tempestuous ‘one to avoid’ between two people. Somehow combined within one person, I can only give a sardonic recognition giggle and come to the same conclusion. Lol.

    My gorgeous Pisces girlfriend of 2-years-and-counting however indeed seems a perfect fit for either, and is absolutely a perfect fit for me! :) <3

  8. Just the other day I was lamenting that all the astrology sites catered to heterosexuals, whereas I’m a dorky homo who realizes how silly it is to look at her horoscope for relationship advice but does it anyway. Thanks for not making me stoop so low as to take advice aimed at straight men.

  9. OK so as a Scorpio sun and rising I believe that I totally relate to my sign in every aspect, but I do not fit with the zodiac match ups. I am generally attracted to Aries, Aquarius and Leo and not at all Gemini, Virgo or cancer. So I checked out my moon and I’m a cancer of which I don’t think I relate to at all . Anyway awesome post , thuroughly enjoyed reading through !

  10. Ok, I totally agree with this on a surface level. Strictly going by sun signs. And yet, as a scorpio who is in a serious long term relationship with a leo, and totally head over heals in love with her I might add, I have to remind the masses that there’s more to astrology than sun signs. Your whole chart should be taken into consideration. My partner and I have more in common under the surface than our sun signs would have you believe. Thus, I would caution anyone who takes astrology to heart to dig deeper into a person’s chart rather than writing them off because of first glances at their birthdate. To be fair both times I’ve dated an Aries it was a total train wreck. The trains collided, exploded into flames, and then they re-materialized and did it a few more times just to emphasize how wrong I was in thinking that could have ever worked.

  11. Hi I am Harper,a Libra and 18 in a wonderful relationship with my 19 year old Aries friend Anrina. This post is true in some cases but honestly, both of us love being with each other and all. She is bossy and rude sometimes (ok, most of the times) and I am always arguing.We met when I was 13 in school. She is amazing and the “opposites attract mantra” still works. There’s rarely any frustrated tears and all. Infact she’s right beside me now laughing…

  12. I wonder if instead of using sun signs it makes more sense to focus on Venus, cause that’s the planet of love and sex? I find that my Venus in Scorpio is so more important in my own chart regrading relationships, whereas my Sun (ego) in Libra is more applicable to my work and other projects.

  13. I’m dating a Capricorn and I’m a Gemini. So far, it has been a communication challenge because us Gems are more mental, so we seek that stimulation and communication is key. My Cap seems to appreciate life at this point in life so we enjoy each others presence as Gems like to be child-like at times. We’ve had a disagreement so far which me being a Gem, I pushed away automatically. She was able to calm me and help me look through the situation. Gems need that because we will push away if we don’t feel loved or appreciated enough. She stays on me as far as task, and I stay on her as far as goals and making sure she holds up to what she says she will do.

  14. I’m a Pisces woman dating a Gemini woman and we’ve had a very magnetic relationship in the beginning had some ups and downs since then and we’ve managed to smooth out all of the rough spots simply by communicating with each other. I don’t smother her with too much affection and she’s not too detached to where I don’t feel the love like most Pisces-Gemini relationships. We also put in a lot of effort and compromise into making our relationship work which is most important aspect aside from communication. Any sun sign combo can work with these two things.

  15. Taurus here!

    Been with my Scorpio girlfriend for almost five years now and we’ve never been happier or more in love!
    What you said about our pairing is pretty damn spot on, too!

  16. Good read. Compatibility differs when it comes to friendship, sex and relationship. Over the years, I’ve compiled my own empirical truths on who gives the best bang for the buck, who one can hang around with and who should be your life partner. Some are spot on in your analysis here but if one is truly honest and have had lived expansively, one will agree that to each his own and that everyone is very different. Upbringing and life experiences matters a lot and can change one’s horoscopic stereotypes externally. However, truth be told, every sign retains ONE of their true CORE essence internally. It’s up to you or your partner to discover which one defines either one.

    I’m a Piscean with Sagi rising and brought up in a very challenging warrior lifestyle. I’m supposed to get along well with Cancerians and Scorpions but I pretty much loathe them for all the right and wrong reasons. I’m way too aggressive and honest frank for them to find comfort and solace and I never back down or lose from a fight I’m cornered into. I’ve told my closest friends and family-I never fight 99.9% of the time, but if I’m forced to, I won’t fight, I will make sure I KILL you! That is why I genuinely fear my own darkness :) Some may recoil at this revelation but the root is that if that loser is unlucky to unleash my pandora’s box of pent up abuse over my lifetime, he/she earned it-no regrets! Otherwise, boringly, I’m compassionate, protective, extremely old fashioned loyal, but will not tolerate nor sympathises with hypocrites, traitors and deliberate losers. Sex wise, I consistently find a few tried and tested signs that can seriously quench my hunger for immense satisfying pleasures; and some, I would never ever touch with a mile long pole even if they looked like a Greek god-dess! Good attitude is key. Sexiness with mutual respect is seductive and addictive. Surprisingly, when I shared some of these observations, many concurred, which could mean some signs are universally sh*t, and some are must grab! LOL.

    Using horoscopes to filter hookups-frens-partners may limit the sampling size, but I rather be sane, grounded, harmonious and alive than dragging closeted mental case residuals and debris along. Yes indeed there are exceptions to the rule in anything but sadly, way too far and in between for me to take the chance again and again. Trust your own instincts when connecting with someone new or those who have yet to earn your trust. Observe, take notes, remember common patterns and always ask for their star signs. They may find you “strange or creepy” but turn it around and entice them into submitting by disclosing that you know which signs are always a great lay and which are jerks. Trust me, they will be enamoured to know for themselves. Everyone’s a narcissist deep down. It’s then up to u to dispense wisdom while you choose how to sample them, ala carte.
    The library’s open. Good Reading y’all !!

  17. Pisces & Taurus – when there are other balanced Astro makeups in the charts…WOW is it such an out of this world match.

    Holy crap sensual excellence!!! Less talk more action. So good.
    Very few times do “arguments” happen and then they do, there is always a realization that we’re going somewhere and elevating the relationship to a new level.
    But DANG is the physical part good. So good.
    Spiritual and physical bliss. When it’s right it is very right. A Taurus with some water in their chart is a good choice.

  18. I feel so seen.
    In reference to believing, rejecting, or just thinking astrology is fun, has it occurred to anyone else that astrology and tarot are kind of a language of trauma and trauma recovery? Both can kind of be a religion for folks cast out by a bigoted church. They can both provide a grounded sense of what to see as a pattern in yourself if development of one was disrupted by childhood trauma or if disassociation makes it hard to love all of your parts. Both offer insight- a salve to the tired minds of folks inclined to overthink everything. Compatibility ‘scopes can make it feel more predictable and thus safe to try again at a relationship for someone who has experienced a traumatizing relationship.
    And like guess who is most likely to experience hate violence, sexual assault, bullying, poverty? And that’s without breaking it down by sex or gender identity or race or immigration status or age or where you live.
    Like, I have could list out so many examples to support my thought and then network the shit out of supportive treatment options, non-profits, city council hopefuls, legislative protections until I die if I just date a Virgo or ask them and an Aquarius to help me run for office lol

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