Quiz: What Gay Bruce Springsteen Song Are You?

Everybody’s got a hungry heart, and so many gays have a preferred Springsteen song. Somehow simultaneously the straightest man alive and the old butch at a lesbian dive bar, opening bottles of beer with a worn out key. There’s something about his timeless tales of yearning; for love, for acceptance, to break free of the confines of a small town and familiar faces that know a version of yourself you would die to escape. The reason we many queer people love the boss is all the ways we find ourselves in the words of a tall king from north Jersey.

Employing the scientific method, we can find out which of the many gay Springsteen songs you are. This is a FUN exercise! I promise every gay Springsteen song is about you if you want them to be. That’s kinda how this works babe. Let’s take you to the promised land.


You’re at a greasy spoon diner in a new part of town, with a surly line cook but an overly friendly waitress who touches your shoulder gently as she delivers your breakfast. What do you order?(Required)
You’re on a date in Asbury Park with a soft butch who’s a self-proclaimed pinball champion. What's the name/theme of the game you're playing to impress them?(Required)
Your crush is playing bass in a band playing a secret show downtown on a Friday night. You’re standing just within eyeshot so you can cast fugitive glances at each other. How are you dancing?(Required)
You’re going on a third date with a girl you’ve already said I Love You too, she says to get your dog, grab a latte and meet her in the quiet corner of the park. What outfit are you putting your dog in?(Required)
You’re leaving in the middle of the night, getting on a one way street out of this town forever. What is the vehicle helping you reach the promised land?(Required)
A girl you matched with on Lex asks if you can only eat one kind of cheese for the rest of your life, what would it be? You answer(Required)
Your tote bag, the one you got from contributing to the kickstarter to an indie-lit mag you know you’ll never read, spills out at the park. What’s the least surprising thing that falls out?(Required)
It’s the 4th of July, you’re in a park, what game are you playing(Required)
One a first date you get into a debate about what is, in your mind, the great American novel. Which book are you arguing for?
You’re getting a tattoo on a whim when the cute artist you follow on instagram posts that they have a sudden opening , what are you getting?
You can only eat one Jersey boardwalk staple for the rest of time, what is it?(Required)


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Niko Stratis

Niko Stratis is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in outlets like SPIN, Bitch, Xtra, Catapult and more. Her work primarily focuses on culture, the 1990s, queer/trans topics and as often as possible where all those ideas intersect. 

She wrote that piece about Jackass that you liked and also the Gin Blossoms one. 

She is also the creator and host of V/A Club, a podcast about movie soundtracks.

Niko lives in downtown Toronto with her fiancé and their dog and 2 cats. She is a cancer.

Niko has written 30 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. I got hungry heart, and as someone who grew up in some horrible suburbs but has always felt like a country queer, this quiz soothed something in me that I didn’t realize needed soothing

    also, is there any chance we can get a list of all the song options for this quiz?

  2. c’mon. you name checked Kohr Bros. but went generic on the caramel corn? there is only one: Johnsons.

    Much like there is only Manco and Manco pizza. And it took everything in me to NOT write Mack and Manco.

  3. Given that my straight South Jersey-born dad and my very queer me bond over Springsteen a lot this quiz speaks to my soul. One time I actually sent my dad an article about how he’s a butch queer icon.

    Anyway I’m Hungry Heart, which. Tracks.

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