“How is Bud Lite like having sex in a canoe?”

“My closet was haunted in college.” You and me both, friend!

“Idea number 11: get your pup a bowtie and dress them up as lesbian legend Heather Hogan.”

“Great day for all of us whose first foray into cosplay was wearing an atrocious tangerine turtleneck for half of second grade and saying jinkies a lot!”

“When I was eleven, I made my computer password ‘bisexual.’ …Cue to my mom needing it for something!”

“Carson Shaw, indeed!”

“I love that every time Melissa King posts a photo with a puppy she says ‘I’m just their uncle,’ as if she knows that the second she gets a dog, all of our hearts are going to explode.”

“I’m sorry, I cannot stop laughing at Blondie McGee and Her Blondie Ancestors.”

“Cate Blanchett literally only wants one thing, and it’s to play gay in movies directed by a guy named Todd.”

“Damn, I dressed like #5 every day this summer and yet experienced a distinct and disappointing lack of inevitable reunions with former love interests.”

“‘A complete homosexual extravaganza?’ Sounds like I finally got an answer to what I want to be when I grow up!”

“You’re serving up excellent writing with the same generous hand a good diner serves up hash browns!”

(Jeff Goldblum voice) “Lesbians… uh, find a way.”

“We’re going to just ignore the fact that ABIGAIL STRAIGHT UP EATS ROCKS?!”

“You are home here!”

“MAKE TRANS ICON BIRDO A MAIN PLAYABLE CHARACTER IN MARIO CART, YOU COWARDS!”