How to Make Gay Friends and Meet Girls: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Queer Socializing

Y’all have some problems meeting gay people. We know this because for as long as we’ve had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking us how to make queer friends/meet girls. We’ve answered you, periodically.

But apparently not periodically enough:

Although Laneia is convinced she’s the only lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not so, someone please back me up in the comments), most of us here on Team Autostraddle possess a relatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or at least it seems that way when we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel very lucky for this and so we’ve decided to enlist the troops and answer the question “how do I meet other queers?” once and for all.

Firstly:

+ If you are looking for an answer to the question “How do I hit on chicks?”, we have an article for that: How to Pick Up Chicks.

+ Asking yourself “How do I date a chick?” We have an article for that: 10 Simple Rules For Properly Courting a Lesbian.

+ Curious about how to get a girl to sleep over? Coincidentally, we have an article for that, too: 8 Steps Every Girl Can Take to Get a Girl to Sleep Over.

+ Interested in sharing a special snack with your special new friend/’special’ friend? Top Ten Cookies.

Are you ready? Let’s begin.

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On the Job:

Kelsey: GET A JOB! No really. Go get a job. It doesn’t even have to be a gay job. Though I’ve had those. Jobs in the Straight World tend to be teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix. In my opinion, regular ol’ jobs tend to be the best places to meet other gay ladies, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future partner material. If there are slimmer pickins’ at Your Job, all the better for you.

Fit for a Femme: Hang out where your friends work, if applicable. Someone I know just met a pretty thing to nibble on that way recently.

Riese: If your co-workers know that you’re a homogay, they will almost definitely attempt to introduce you to or set you up with their gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.
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Concerts for Queer Musicians

lilith fair lesbians

Crystal: I’ve met the majority of my queer friends at concerts. Gay girls are fairly serious about supporting their local gay musicians, and so go check out a few shows. If your town has an all-female band then that’s a good place to start, their concerts will probably be filled with potential queer friends. I always find it easiest to make friends with the musicians themselves because you already have a reason to strike up a conversation with them: to tell them that you enjoyed their show. Ask them when they’re playing next, and go to that one too. Just keep showing up.
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Join any Club/Team That Will
Have You as a Member

Intern Hot Laura: Do you have a bike co-op in your city? I bet you do, and I bet there are a bunch of cute girls running around with bike grease on their noses. Even if you don’t meet anybody, you get to learn how to build a bike which is kind of like carrying around a lighter just in case a cute girl asks for a light only better because you get to come their their rescue and fix their broken tire.

FFAF: Join a book club or writing group or DIY photography workshop – in fact, DIY anything would work.

Crystal: Go to the roller derby. 
All of the queer girls are at the roller derby. All of them. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve witnessed countless girls strike up new friendships while watching a game. It’s quite easy to do because if there’s one thing that roller derby fans love, it’s sharing their knowledge of the game with newbies. So if there’s a team in your city, go see them play. Saddle up beside a group of cute girls in the suicide seats (where all the serious fans sit) and ask them to explain the rules to you. I think you’ll make some new friends in no time.
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On the Internet

We have cited the internet multiple times as the best way to meet other gays. Clearly this IS the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found most of our friends right here, or via Riese’s prior blogs (that’s where most of the team comes from — readers of her blog and the friends she met through those people, etc). We hear OKCupid is a thing, also.

Intern Emily: Find someone on autostraddle who lives near you. Give them your email. Go for a walk. Walks are free.

Riese: It could be different now, but back when I was a baby (23) I responded to an ad on craigslist w4w by a girl who said she was bi, went to Columbia, played soccer, liked ‘420’ and was looking for other bi girls to go out with and be friends and brave the scary queer world together. The first time we met it was absurdly awkward but it got progressively better all the way to “more comfortable than I am with anyone, really.” We’ve been through a ton together — so many life phases! — and we’re still friends now, and it’s through her intrepid online friend-gathering that I met Lainy, who met my now-best-friend Haviland on friendster and then invited her to a thing that I was also at, which is how I met Haviland. So! The point of this is: craigslist could be a thing? The key to it being non-intimidating was that we both earnestly wanted new friends, yannow?

Laneia: Find a queer girl who writes a blog with a lot of feelings and send her emails about your feelings. Read books. When the queer girl with a blog starts an online magazine, help her. Accost people on gchat. When the queer girl with a blog has parties and introduces you to her friends, be really nice to them and say things with your mouth and eyes. If one of them is especially neat, write them an email and be their friend. Be really honest and take a lot of anti-anxiety medication. Don’t get an alternative lifestyle haircut unless you really want to. Buy at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily: Start a blog. Write in it for 2 years. Take a 3-day hiatus and then ask for people in your city to email you.

Riese: Start a blog and then make a website and then hire people to be your friends for free.
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Roommates

Stick “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist post and the girls will come a-runnin’, with plenty of gay friends of their own in tow. You kill like 40 birds with one stone and can listen to Tegan & Sara all the time.
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In a Women’s Studies/Gender Studies Class

You can check out this directory of LGBT/Queer Studies programs at universities all around the country! Also you should participate in class. The girls who participate are the hottest.

bcw: Women’s Studies classes are a great place to meet women: everybody’s pretty much a feminist already so you can have brainsexy conversations, which are great for continuing in bars after class. Watch yourself with those hot profs, though.
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At your LGBT Campus Group in College or High School

This is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group

Taylor: In college, before I was very out or strongly identified, I started nervously attending a few events held by our school’s LGBT office. Fast forward a year and I was running on-campus queer workshops every week, and I’d scored a vast posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before I worked for our LGBT office I felt super shy at queer events, so if your school has an active LGBT organization, considering signing up or applying and dive right in. The LGBT office became a second home, which was great for between-class naps and meeting hotties, of course.

Intern Emily: Go to your school’s queer club. It’ll be awkward. You might go on a lunch date with a cute girl who brings her girlfriend. You might make some friends though.
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Gay Bars and Gay Events!

PYT-black-and-goldman-collage

Obviously this can be an intimidating situation, but a lot of getting-to-know-other-girls at these bars won’t happen with one initial awkward visit. You have to go back. And go back. And go back. And eventually you will have no choice but to feel comfortable there, because it’s a place you go a lot. Then maybe you will talk to strangers or get 25 people to kiss you for your 25th birthday. It’s a thing, you can keep score on your arm with a pen. If you live in New York City, GO Magazine has the most thorough, up-to-date bar/event listings.

Intern Emily: Go to a gay bar. Get really drunk and talk to everyone.

Riese: When you’re at the gay bar or lesbian night, you will think thoughts like ‘nobody here wants to talk to me’ or ‘everyone here has a girlfriend’ or ‘why are lesbians so intimidating’ and you need to suppress all of those feelings and cover them with a new feeling and that new feeling is ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen, I’ll get rejected?’ and I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that seems petrifying, as though being rejected is the worst thing that could ever happen to you as a human being. But it’s actually not — your confidence is sexier than your outfit will ever be, and girls are so weird and have so many issues/reasons to potentially reject you that you can’t take any one rejection personally. Just make eye contact. Say hi. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Imagine yourself in her shoes and think about how you’d want her to approach you.

FFAF: Don’t be a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In fact, this is how I met my wife 5.68 years ago.
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Some General Tips

GROW A PAIR:

Sarah Croce: I used to be shy. My answer? Grow a pair. Figure out what is awesome about you and confidently strike up conversations with random people. They don’t have to be gay. Oftentimes you’ll find most girls are bi, or curious, or have gay friends. Straight people love to tell you they have gay friends and they always think you should hook up with them like there’s some kind of gay drought and in order to prosper and save the lesbian race we all need to mate feverishly. It’s like they don’t know we can’t procreate. And they always ask how lesbians have sex.
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Start Small, Build a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R : Create your own Lesbian Posse. You only need 1 or 2 other gay friends to start – tell them to invite a few other queers they know (if you don’t have any other gay friends – they do!) and plan little events for yourselves like dinner at an apartment, movie night, bowling night, ski/hiking day trip, etc. Make it a weekly thing so you always have something to look forward to and as the weeks go by the lesbian phone tree will grow longer and longer and after a few months you’ll have your very own Lesbian Posse.
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Be Brave:


Intern Emily: Unfortunately, meeting new people means you have to be brave and approach them and talk to them and find things to talk about and spend a lot of time obsessing about what to wear, etc. It’s a lot of social anxiety and you might want to take some pills for that, but also, you feel really good after.
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Be Old-Fashioned and Venture Outside of Your Comfort Zone:

FFAF: Get outside of your comfort zone. I hear lots of girls complaining about how it’s all the same people, the same girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby city, take that train underwater, bike it, bus it, but don’t expect to meet new, exciting girls by doing the same shit that hasn’t worked for so far.

Also, be old-fashioned. Pretend there’s no internet and remember what it’s like to be polite and gracious and genuine IRL, and extend real invitations and cultivate real lasting friendships. It’s easy for things to fall through the cracks with internet-based connections; they need to be nurtured for reals. Being old-fashioned reminds us all a little of what it takes to maintain the kinds of relationships that we want!
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Gays are Everywhere:


Rachel: Remember in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy realizes that what she was looking for was in her backyard/home/heart the whole time? You are a gay person, and you like to do things/go places. Chances are other gay people also enjoy these things/places and are probably already there! Look around your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and probably there are queer people there. Like really, if there are more than 10 people in the building it’s statistically very likely that you will find someone else there who is also a huge gaymo. You just have to be brave and talk to people and not be shy about being gay yourself; they will probably be very relieved and respond in kind.

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OKAY SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU ALL MEET EACH OTHER. Become friends!! TALK IN THE COMMENTS!


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1,201 Comments

  1. 0

    Hi! I’m Cheyanna, I’ve been a heavy auto-lurker for a year or something, I’m in high school and I live in a 3000-population town, which, what’s it like for other small-town high-schooling gays? Dunno. I feel like queer high schoolers are barely represented here besides the ones who’ve committed suicide. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that anymore! I love you all!

    • 0

      you’re not alone on the suffering thru school front! I’m in 8th grade in a big school in new york. Everyone is so sexist and homophobic and pretty much every type of prejudice, and the irony is it was made specifically to celebrate my boro’s diversity. I think there are a lot more of us on here than we suspect tho.

    • 0

      School is basically going to be school until I can finally leave. I don’t go to school in a small town, but my school is not at all queer friendly. luckily I have my best friends also being gay/bi. 😛

      BUT ANYWAYS, I will send you an email! I’m at wildelyamusing at gmail dot com. 😀

    • 0

      I’M IN HIGHSCHOOL TOO
      I’ve been auto-lurking since the tenth grade, and now I’m graduating in the spring. Can you believe I used to tell myself I read autostraddle for the ‘news’ hahahahahhaahaha.
      I’m so gay.

    • 0

      I’m 25 and didn’t come out even to myself til i was 22. . . I grew up in a super small town though. well, not really even in town. 12 miles from town on a farm. You’d be surprised at how many other queer folk their are at your school, some of who don’t even know it yet. As of right now I can count at least 5 people i went to high school who are not straight. Yeah, you’re not as alone as it seems. When you graduate, find your way to a bigger town. 🙂 us small town homo’s gotta stick together!

      • 0

        I didn’t come out till i was 22 either and i’m only just 23 now, i’m worried people will think it’s weird that i came out so recently, which is part of the reason i find it hard to meet new queer girls! It’s good to know that i’m not the only person who came out in there twenties, even though i obviously knew that before but when i’m feeling sorry for myself i convince myself i’m alone haha.
        Anyway, cheers your post made me feel a lot better!

    • 0

      I had lots of lesbian and bi friends in high school in a smallish rural town, but none of them were out at the time. I was in a women’s only chorus (at least 1/2 of the chorus ended up being lesbian or bi), I started a girl band (turned out we were all bi), and hung out with drama kids. If you aren’t an actor you can always build sets or do lighting. I was friends with a lot of gamer girls & goths/metalheads. Some of my lesbian friends were really into studying biology or environmental science. Talk to the band girls who play euphonium or are in the drumline too. Good luck & don’t commit suicide please 🙂

  2. 0

    These are all good suggestions. A useful article indeed.

    Be out yourself if it is possible to do so at all. Networking through gay men can work. I don’t live in a city, so don’t buy into the notion that you have to be an urbanite to have gay friends.

  3. 0

    Ok, thanks for this post for reals guys! I’m from rural Ireland and I moved to our capital a year ago after a pretty painful breakup with my ex-gf. She was my first serious relationship and first gf so it was a stressful time. Anyway, my two best mates are gay guys and we go out everywhere together but its not helping me meet girls because they assume that I’m straight because I’m a femme girl out with her two gay guy friends. I’m really shy and find it very difficult to approach girls and as a result I haven’t had a single date since breaking up with my ex. So thanks for showing me that I can’t just sit back and wait for something to happen, I’ve just got to grow a pair and get out there! And if there’s any Irish Autostraddle readers on here: Hey! 😀

    • 0

      What’s up Madam_Airlock, I am also living in Dublin and I found the vast majority of my gay mates through a website called Queerid.com so I would say most definitely join it, post a “hi, im a new member topic” and that would be a great start! There’s also this cool website called Running Amach which is like a social group for gay ladies. I agree with you though, I have some great friends, but most of them are men. I find it very difficult to have gay lady friends, thus far when I think ive found a nice gay lady to be just mates with she drunkenly tries to come onto me and well, that sort of ruins the friendship, I blame alcohol for this entirely! And any time im out with one of my gay besties people think that me and him are on a date….for flip sake, heaven forbid two people of the opposite sex are just mates like! But anyway, I just thought id say hey and that your not alone, lots of us about and if you join Queerid there’s loads of meet ups and you are more than welcome to join us. That said we could possibly know each other already, such is the small size of the scene! 😀

      • 0

        Also, Lou, sorry but I think I know you? Well, not really know… Did I come to your apartment one night with a bunch of people and I re-enacted scenes from Judge Judy with a bunch of farm animals on the floor? Possibly? It’s all a little hazy but I’m squinting at your picture and I think that might’ve been your apartment..

          • 0

            Oh jeepers yes, I had blocked said concert from my memory, it was way too traumatic for me! I could have sworn I saw you at gay prom but now I realise I was waving at some stranger id never met, ah well! I hope Boston is fun. 🙂

        • 0

          I’m moving to Edinburgh this January (excited, but nervous) and I’m sure I’ll be saying the same thing about needing some gays. Can a girl get some early connections? and do you know Queerid good for Scotland too?

          • 0

            I’m in Edinburgh and sadly have approximately zero gay friends. My e-mail is stuntdouble2009@hotmail.com, I like puppies, long walks and shiny apples, feel free to drop me an e-mail

            PS Glasgow ladies, Edinburgh’s not too far away so feel free to drop me an e-mail too 😉

          • 0

            I’m in Edinburgh 🙂 and don’t really have any queer friends.

            The Auld Reekie Roller girls are playing against Berlin this saturday though – any takers?!
            time_for_some_tea [at] hotmail dot com
            🙂

          • 0

            Hey Leah, I’m in Edinburgh too so here’s an early connection for you! Don’t know about Quuerid, I know a few people who use gaydar girls though and seem to like it.

          • 0

            Hi ladies, we’re a couple of gay friends in Edinburgh and are looking for a way to meet like minded souls without the trashiness of dating sites! We’re up for going for drinks, or some fiiiiine cinema, maybe some food? And Lizi would like to go to some Art Galleries (I’m Debs, typing, she made me add that) Basically we’re open to (clean) suggestions! Drop us an email and lets meet up – Lizitrafford at gmail.com
            Looking forward to having some gay old times ahead x

    • 0

      Unhelpfully, I’m from Ireland but live in Liverpool (hello to any Scousers!). I know it can seem a bit crap trying to be out and about in Ireland, but it will take a bit of time. A few years on the scene (in Cork) meant that after a while I knew a bunch of people, got involved in LGB clubs, gay centres, a whole world of stuff 🙂 It happens!

      (Also, the internet is a wonderful thing for finding like-minded gays in Ireland.)

    • 0

      Hey Madam_Airlock,
      Queerid is a cool place to get to know people. I also had the two gay guys and looking femme problem and my first night out in Dublin on my own was greatly aided by the friendly company of the Qiders. Now when I go out and get abandonded by my two horny gay friends I take myself on out to the smoking area and chat to strangers instead and often bump into some Qiders too which is nice.

      Also you might want to check out any of the events or groups run by Outhouse or BelongTo. I started going to a group in Louth and its unreal how many friends I’ve made and I’ve also had really cool opportunities to do stuff like go to Prides around the country because of it.

      Gaydargirls can sometimes work for people. I’ve never really had much luck with it mainly because I’m rubbish at communicating who I am well over a few messages so I’m too scared that I’ll seem weird but I know people who’ve made friends or even set up dates on it so that’s a possibility too.

      You really do have so much available to you living in Dublin so don’t worry I’m sure you’ll be a scene queen or at least have a gazillion lesbian links in no time.

      • 0

        Hey Krrru, thanks for the reply! Yeah, I’m on Gaydar Girls on the advisement of my housemate but no luck so far….not necessarily hookup wise but just for meeting like minded queer chicks….definitely think I’m gonna give Queerid a go, seems to be where its all happening! 😀

    • 0

      Yay! Ireland! Any one in the north? Add me on fb.. Search for thepoutisback… And don’t ask me about the name, it’s a long story, that can be told when we are bestest buds! Lol 😀

        • 0

          No unfortunately, but I am going to see Marina and the Diamonds tomorrow! I hope Gaga was fun, I saw loads of people about town dressed up to the 9’s! Oh and by the by people from Ireland if you’re ever out on the scene in Dublin and you recognise me from my photo or the one in my link then please say hi, I did already meet one Autostraddler which I thought was very cool, id say there’s a few of us in most countries in the world! 😀

          • 0

            more irish people than i though on here which is cool, anyway thought i’d say hi. i’m late to the party as always,but hey better late than never.
            @Lou, just did a bit of nosing round on facebook (got your name from the article you linked to on lgbtnoise) anyway i’m not a total creep just thought i’d say hey because i noticed that we go to the same college! so, em yeah hi! *awkward wave*

          • 0

            Hello there, do you mean UCD or more specific to the particular school?! Anyway, it’s not creepy at all, it’s always great to meet new people! Perhaps you’ll see me in college or else out and about some night, if you do say hi. 😀

          • 0

            Sorry for the slow reply. Ah excellent, I dont know how you successfully negotiate the arts building, it’s like a maze!! I once signed up to do a semester of Welsh there for some unknown reason but I couldnt find the room and I never went! Anyways, you’ll probably see me about on the scene, particularly the Front Lounge, love that place. 😀

  4. 0

    I love this; if it were legal i might even marry it. Is that weird? Dont judge me, I’m so alone…. heh :s
    (though that ‘grow a pair’ comment cut deep, i have social anxeity and that makes things so much harder)
    Either way, thank you Autostraddle

  5. 0

    Hahaha, I *just* finished explaining (read: making excuses) to my gay-boy-friend why I don’t want to go to the campus girls LGBTQ meeting tomorrow (too shy) despite the fact that before he went to the guys one he had no gay man friends and after only a few weeks of attending he’s acquired a plethora of manfriends plus hookups!
    I’ve done the gay guy party thing and it’s fun being the token chick wingman for my friends but clearly I need to get out there on my own/WITH GIRLS.
    Thank you for this article, it’s definitely a kick in the ass for me. 🙂

  6. 0

    if you’re in high school, you can grow your own gay posse by hanging out with the kids who trip your gaydar and then getting more and more gay friends as they continue to come out

    worked for me…

    • 0

      “you can grow your own gay posse”

      immediately made me think of one of those weird tv-only products with exaggerated, ridiculous commercials. you know, the $50 value that they’re practically giving away for a low, low price of $19.95, and if you call in the next five minutes they’ll throw in a free set of steak knives?

      but in a good way. 🙂

  7. 0

    I am a lesbian in Phoenix, and I can relate to feeling all alone here. Any other lesbian ladies here? This article is wonderful; thanks so much for all the great tips!

  8. 0

    Laneia is definitely not the only lesbian in Phoenix! I have first hand knowledge of this. I do believe, however, they are all hiding in domestic bliss or something.

    Excellent post! Specifically “grow a pair”.

  9. 0

    Oh yes! I seriously needed this article.

    I guess is time for some self-promotion:

    Hi! I’m a queer girl lost in the middle of Rhode Island looking to make friends. Anyone around? I’m totally willing to hop on a bus all the way to Boston just to hang out for a bit, that’s how hyper I am about meeting new peeps.

    Also, I like dancing and hedgehogs.

  10. 0

    I’m a gaywad that goes to a school in new york where people are extremely homophobic yet somehow advertized as diverse and accepting. anybody, even if you’re in long island, if you want to meet me just ask.

    Jesus, I feel like I’m writing a personal ad.

  11. 0

    This is great! I need lesbian friends because so far all I have are gay boy friends. And I don’t even think they count because they’re related to me. Anyone in Texas? DFW area?

  12. 0

    I find that outing myself in class really works to bring the homogays out to play. So does booze and working security at a concert venue.

    I live in Boulder, Colorado. But I know how hard it is to meet other homogays, be it platonic or not. There is hope… like Denver.

      • 0

        You really don’t, believe me. It’s a bubble of over privledged people who pretend to be hippies but are just living off their parents trust fund, doing lots of drugs and not caring about anything remotely important. The price of living is out of control for what you’re getting there. There are NO gay bars or coffee shops or anything like that. Everyone goes to Denver to be gay.

        The only thing good here is the University. Everything else is sub-par. I assue you.

        • 0

          No gay bars?! That’s insane.
          Well… I was going to move to Boulder because I wanted to study Geology there but I didn’t get the money to pay for everything 🙁
          Anyways, thanks for the heads up!

      • 0

        HA! All my friends go to Denver every weekend to hit up the bars/clubs and hang out at the Mercury Cafe. I usually have to work.

        Don’t look to Boulder to hope. It’s the most ambivalent community. RAWR.

        • 0

          the mercury cafe is bomb. as is paris on the platte if you’re ever off work and get to come down here. plus there’s always tracks if you’re feeling adventurous.

          and you’re right, when i think boulder the word ‘trustafarian’ comes to mind. but. you guys have several epic sandwich shops (cheeba hut for example), and a really cool tea house, plus chintzy little stores on 16th. and the hill if you’re at cu.

          plus i’ve heard cu has a pretty excellent gsa. but thats just rumor, and anythings better than what du has going.

          i wish you luck with all that ambivalence though!

    • 0

      Ah, Boulder, been here all my life, I can definitely understand your frustration. It can get to the point where you want to punch people, but you get used to it (actually, is that a good thing?)
      Where do you work security? The Fox?

      • 0

        Yep! I work at The Fox. I also live with two people from Boulder, they went to Fairview. It’s such a crazy small bubble, you probably know them.

        I can’t imagine living here your entire life. I moved from KC, MO.

        • 0

          Maybe, but I went to Boulder High so chances are slim. Along with being disconnected with the entire world, there is also a north/south divide. It’s pretty weird actually, but that’s the way it goes
          I assume you go to CU?

          • 0

            My friend Ashanti is an English major, you maybe know her, super tall, big hair, a bit intimidating. I also basically know everyone who works at the Boulder Bookstore, and there’s lots of English majors there.
            I went to CU for a bit, then decided it wasn’t my cup of tea, now I’m taking some classes at front range and moving out asap.

          • 0

            I don’t know your friend but I spend most of my time taking LGBT studies classes and forcing them into my major. However, I tend to be a bit oblivious so she might know me.

            I wish, desperately, that I worked at the Boulder Bookstore. I’m salivating at the thought.

            CU: it’s not for everyone. In fact, I don’t even know if it was for me. I left home and when you leave everything behind you kind of just commit to making it work, no matter what. Now, after four years of being here, I’m definitely ready to get out of Boulder and CU. (Even though a graduate degree from Naropa in poetics is so fucking tempting. Hippies be damned.)

            What kind of classes are you taking at Front Range?

          • 0

            Yeah, I probably would still be in school if I had gone out of state, but that’s how it goes. I’m just taking a composition class and a history class, something to do to be productive (and it helps that it’s cheap)
            Naropa is one of those places that is quintessentially Boulder to me, it’s pretty awesome.
            contrapossto at gmail dot com is my email if you want it (yes, misspellings immortalized into email addresses suck, but it’s too late now)

    • 0

      Hey girls!
      I’m from boulder and can totally related to everything your saying. Other than the university boulder is expensive and not all it’s hyped up to be. Denver is the place to be. You two better be at the drag show tonight to support our community 🙂 it’s at 8 pm in the Glenn Miller ball room. after party is at tracks.

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    Just saying, guys: my best queer girl friends are people I met in 1) Girl Scouts 2) required philosophy seminar freshman year 3) Spanish class 4) the dining hall. Just so you know I’m not making shit up when I say you can meet people anywhere. Really they are there, I promise, and it would be so sad for me if you went through all of college/life not realizing that the girl in front of you in line for potato salad is also gay and awesome just because you never talk to her. I also want to address the domino effect of making just one queer girl friend, in which you immediately gain access to all her friends, her girlfriend, her friends, her friends’ girlfriends, her ex that she’s still friends with and all HER friends… do you see what I mean? GO FORTH AND MAKE MOVES.

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    If you live in Sydney and want to make a new queer friend then you can email me. I’ll probably invite you to a concert or the roller derby.

    crystal [at] autostraddle [dot] com

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    hi i put my email out here once and then i met some cool people so i’ll do it again –

    if you live in montreal and want to chat/email/hang out feel free to email me at emily choo 19 at gmail dot com. i took some of the pictures in this article JUST SAYING

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        yes! and yes, sort of. i have feelings about university. concordia is a good school though, even though everyone outside of montreal is like OMG MCGILL!!111 my friend goes to mcgill and she says she wishes she went to concordia. i don’t know. i chose concordia over mcgill, but also, i didn’t get accepted into mcgill, so. but i suppose the key point is that if i had been accepted, i still would have gone to concordia.

        to make a long comment even longer, yeah, i like concordia. you should go.

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          I kinda just skimmed Mcgills website but it seems concordia offers more programs but I couldve been looking in the wrong places (sometimes websites can confuse me). I’m pretty nervous because I’ve never actually been to Montreal and I would be moving from Ohio. I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone ,or as I like to call it, throwing myself to the wolves:D The only thing I know about Montreal is what I learned in French class but I don’t actually remember much from French class hmmm ah well geez now whos comments long, anyway thanks a lot and any input is much appreciated no matter how long winded it may be.

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            Take it from someone who has been to both universities- Concordia is the shiz. The facilities are newer/better (they just built two new buildings downtown and are constructing a new wing to the Sceince building), like you mentioned they offer more diversity in terms of course selection, and they have smaller class sizes. You can always play with the McGill girls at Faggity.

            Also, Montreal is magical. If/when you come down for a campus tour I would be happy to show you around.

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            Thanks for the offer that’ll be great. I haven’t even arranged a campus visit yet I should probably get on that. Also what is Faggity?

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            faggity ass fridays. you’ll learn. and i second the emotion of concordia over mcgill for coolness and queerness, though it depends on what you want. both schools have big, active queer communities. and montreal is magical.

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            So i just cntl+f’d “Montreal” and legitimately freaked out when i saw these posts, this thread. All of this glory. Then i made an account. I’m a south shore kid who, acceptance pending, will also be attending Concordia next fall. So incredibly excited. ALL the excitement.

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            Yay terracottatoes! Are you in Cegep right now? Email! nikush_s at hotmail dot com

            And yeah what is this faggity ass fridays? I feel like I’m missing out on a very big piece of information here

            Guys this is meant to be. We should seriously just email everyone here from Montreal and meet up.

            We can have our own Gay Posse =D

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            Agree, Concordia is definitely a great place to be. McGill has a nice campus and all, but I think Concordia’s got bonus points for being a little more interesting, let’s say.

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      YES! Me and Emily met! Through Autostraddle – Blog etc.
      And she’s awesome!

      She might be a little freaked out though seeing as I got all excited about buying a ps2 game without owning the actual console because I felt to nostalgic about my youth.
      BUT YES guys all of you who are finding people in your area – meet up! It’s awesome!

      Speaking of which, Montreal girl here nikush underscore s at hotmail dot com!

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    I started making queer friends by being out and meeting other people queers through my friends. There was an epic night two years ago that I missed when I was deathly ill. Two really good friends went to a party in the burbs where nearly every girl there was gay. Luckily, the next weekend, most of the same people had another party and now we’re all friends. It’s weird and awesome how that happened.

    However, I do like to meet new people and you do to and you’re from Philly-ish area, let me know and we can be friends.

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    The timing of this is so perfect for me. I’m new to NYC and new(ish) to being out, so I’ve spent a lot of time since I moved thinking about how I can cultivate my own lesbian posse (or any kind of posse in general, because any group that calls itself a posse is one I want to be a part of).

    I’ve been doing my best to live outside my comfort zone lately because that’s where shit gets real. As such, I’ve also spent a lot of time lately giving myself little pep talks to get over what can be immobilizing social anxiety. I’m really, really trying to grow a pair, but like, it’s hard.

    But you know what shouldn’t be so hard? Reaching out facelessly (thanks internet) to a group of people you know you have a lot in common with. So, even though I’ve never commented here before, I’m gonna be bold and propose some kind of meet up for readers in the NYC area. This Wednesday? Happy hour somewhere? Thoughts/feelings?

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    I need to be old-fashioned and meet people. I’m a closeted loser but I want a lesbian posse of my own! Omaha is surprisingly full of people, I’m just bad at making lesbian friends apparently?

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      OMAHA! gah. i went to creighton and stayed (teaching pre-k) for a year afterwards. i had issues meeting lesbians too! the whole “conservative state” thing always stuck in the back of my mind, but i was as out as i could be. the gsa was helpful while i was in school but there’s a point when that circle gets too small… i feel your pain. if i was still there i’d say let’s hang out – currently i’m in korea (teaching). but we can still talk if you want a far away friend!

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      I feel the exact same way. I live in Omaha too! I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I won’t ever have a group of lesbian friends until I move out of the state. I do however hang out with about 12 gay men, and apparently I’m the only lesbian our age that any of them know, which is kind of baffaling to me.

      Can we get some more Nebraska love here please?! I’ve felt so alone all of my life. I feel like I am constantly putting my life on hold until I can finally get out of this damn state and move somewhere more populated and more liberal.

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        DO IT! move out. how long till you can do that? it gets better i promise. i was in minnesota after omaha for maybe 3 months before going abroad to teach and i found more gay friends in that time than 5 years in omaha… shoot me a message if you want a friend who “gets it.” lowood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

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          I want nothing more than to move. I have been talking about leaving this state since I was in high school, but somehow got sucked into college here, then got sucked into a job in omaha. I have since lost that job, and am working as a server, I have nothing holding me here but my crippling fear to just take the leap and move. I keep hoping I will just find a job out of state, but I apparently suck at interviews. I hate being socially awkward.

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            So you’re telling me I’m the ONLY gay lady in Omaha who doesn’t want to leave? I’m going to need one of you to stay here and fight the power with me.

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            honestly, i could take it or leave it. omaha’s music scene is fantastic and i had a blast going to concerts there (like tegan and sara!) now that i’m gone i do miss it, but while i was there it was rough. i think part of that was that i’m a teacher though. i lucked out with some liberal co-workers but i was always nervous about coming out at work. i’ll definitely be spending a good chunk of time in o-town when i get back to the states and i’m super excited! mostly to see friends and go to dixie quick’s, and the max. let’s be honest – the max is awesome. i love dancing.

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            I go to Wayne but used to be in Omaha half the week (ex goes to Creighton). I’d be fine living in Omaha after graduation, but I keep falling for women in other states. I’m still around until at least May (student teaching at OPS this spring) though!

            Also, mmmmmmmm…Dixie Quicks! The apple-brie omelet is heaven. Fucking heaven.

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            dixie quicks will be one of my first stops when i’m back in omaha. my mouth is literally watering (it’s breakfast time and i’m in korea where they eat kimchi and soup for breakfast.. no breakfast restaurants ANYWHERE).

            HypeSociety!! where are you student teaching?! I student taught in Omaha and spent a year teaching in Millard right out of college.

            All you Omaha ladies – email me i’m alway up for conversation. i’m a good pen pal. email me –> lo.wood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

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            Student teaching starting in January…I haven’t been placed yet, but I applied for Beveridge MS, South High, and Skinner and Catlin Elementary Schools. I have to do half in elementary and half at a secondary school for my major (k-12 art)

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            going to the Max tomorrow (Friday) night. I’ll be with my straight roommate and gay (but not out) best guy friend.

            It’d be great to see Autostraddlers there.

            Just sayin’…

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            It’s not that I don’t like it here, because I do. I very much respect Omaha as a city. I love the old market, the arts scene, everything the city is doing to revive the midtown area, i love concerts, and how easy it is to navigate, and of course dancing at the max! love the max! I just don’t like how conservative people can be here, I am a shy person and I hate coming out to people because everyone has SO MANY QUESTIONS and can’t stop talking about it. I just want to go somewhere where its a little more socially acceptable.

            i’ve never been to dixie quicks, i don’t even know where it is located.

            hypesociety and dessy: maybe we should plan a meet up sometime? i’ve been friends with hypesociety on facebook from kelka days, but we’ve never actually spoke face to face, might be fun?

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            Mix, I’d love to meet up, but it’d have to be sometime after November 5th, as I’ve got TONS of school-related junk going on.

            BTW, I totally get what you mean about being frustrated by rampant conservatives. I don’t even like voting here because I find the “Democrats” too conservative!

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            Sometime after November 5th would probably be best for me anyway, I pretty much work constantly. I rarely get a night off. And, I’ve been through college, so I totally understand being insanely busy with school junk.

            SO with you on the conservative democrats thing!

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      Omaha what what?
      Do you go to Revel at House Of Loom? It’s pretty much the only lesbian thing going in town, besides roller derby. Check out Revel on Facebook if you’re not familiar.
      You like Sonic Youth so we have at least three things in common… Wanna be friends? We can be friends. Rozhdennaja@gmail.com

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    WHOA THIS IS JUST WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE EVERRR…

    Seriously. So much of it is like, “duhh”, but also something I just pretend doesn’t apply to me, like the grow a pair comment. Considering I can count the amount of people that know I’m a homogay on one (okay, maybe two) hand, and that my facebook profile doesn’t have any orientation at all listed, I really shouldn’t be so surprised that I haven’t registered on people’s gaydar just for liking tegan and sara and having short nails.

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    50% of my gay friends are girls who I’ve dated / wanted to date / make eyes at me, and 50% I met through other means. Not sure how I feel about that.

    Anyway, for that latter 50% – this is article is great advice. Most straight people will try to hook you up with their gay cousin / niece / ex-coworker from high school – which might seem weird, but take them up on it! People are wonderful, you just need to meet them. Of course it helps if you live in places with more homos-per-capita, but if you don’t – all the more reason to not be shy. But if that’s more your speed, the internet is a great facilitator as well. You’re a big brave dog. You’re a big brave dog.

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      I just replied above so this is going to look mighty confusing, but I’m from Chicago even while I go to school in Philly. It’d definitely be awesome to have friends while I’m home. Where in the city are you? find me at: georgewithquestions at gmail dot com

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            I’m in the suburbs! 😀 And I can’t go anywhere since I’m seventeen and don’t have any gay friends outside my high school who know all the cool places. 😛

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            I’m in Chicago toooo! (well, Evanston, if you want to be technical) I would love to make some new queer lady friends, as the rainbow alliance on campus here is about 80% gay boys and 20% straight girls who just really like gay people (which is great, but, you know)
            christina.schonberg at gmail dot com, let’s hang out!

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            Awesome, thanks ladies. I’m on the north side of the city, for all who asked, not too far from evanston – but grad school often takes me further south. I’ll be sure to email – if you wanna contact me I’m: hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

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            Heh. Elan, I wonder whether we have mutual acquaintances in the group of gay-ladies-who-just-moved-to-Portland. (I wouldn’t be surprised — I feel like in just a couple short years I have come to tangentially know a ton of Chicago lesbians, despite not being much of a social butterfly.)

            Jules — if you’re into dancing and are of drinking age (or can pass for it), most of the monthly queer dance parties tend to be a pretty good bet for both making friends and making out, in my experience. I like FKA at Big Chicks, though sometimes it’s unpleasantly crowded. Queerer Park is probably my favorite; I like how it moves around a lot, it tends to wind up at fun/interesting spaces. Chances and Off-Chances can also be good — maybe not as easy to mingle though, if you don’t already know folks there.

            On the more cultural side of things, the Reeling film festival is happening for the next month or so — lots of lesbian movies (often of questionable quality, but some of them are good!) showing. Also, if you’re interested in queer, often-experimental literature, the monthly Uncalled-for reading series is fun and filled with smart friendly queers: http://uncalledforchicago.blogspot.com/.

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            Oh and also: if you are of the riot-grrrl-esque persuasion, there is this group called the Bloody Rag Collective which puts on shows for bands with women in them. (Like mine — we’re http://www.facebook.com/carefulq, and there tends to be a good handful of gay ladies in attendance at our shows.) They’re at myspace.com/bloodyragcollective.

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            omg. owls, yes, i’m pretty sure we’re talking about some of the same people, i believe you must tangentially know some of my friends who are still here, too. hopefully i’ll see you around if i haven’t already.

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            holy bejeezus. just visited your blog and realized we may in fact be in the same library program…though I doubt we’ve had any classes together, cause then id know you for sure. at any rate, several of the commenters here and i decided to do an autostraddle chicago get together this sunday before we all have to deal with the craziness of final papers, etc. if you’re interested email me at hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

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            I’ll have to check out your band one of these days…
            I’m def. of drinking age so I’ll also have to look into those events, even if it means showing up by myself!

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    Whoa, this article is like ideal for where I am right now.
    I’m just coming out, and I would love nothing more than a wonderful, quirky ladygay posse!
    Savannah, GA, anyone??

  22. 0

    I really like this article (especially the part about being honest and taking lots of anti-anxiety meds! words to live by!) Sometimes it seems like I have a hard time meeting potential friends because I’m not a student and I work with kids. But this is a nice reminder that there are literally a zillion other places to meet people. (Hi, want to be internet friends? mollyisreal at gmail dot com)