How to Make Gay Friends and Meet Girls: The Ultimate Guide to Effective Queer Socializing

Y’all have some problems meeting gay people. We know this because for as long as we’ve had homogay ‘internet presences’ you’ve been asking us how to make queer friends/meet girls. We’ve answered you, periodically.

But apparently not periodically enough:

Although Laneia is convinced she’s the only lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not so, someone please back me up in the comments), most of us here on Team Autostraddle possess a relatively healthy posse of queer friends. Or at least it seems that way when we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel very lucky for this and so we’ve decided to enlist the troops and answer the question “how do I meet other queers?” once and for all.

Firstly:

+ If you are looking for an answer to the question “How do I hit on chicks?”, we have an article for that: How to Pick Up Chicks.

+ Asking yourself “How do I date a chick?” We have an article for that: 10 Simple Rules For Properly Courting a Lesbian.

+ Curious about how to get a girl to sleep over? Coincidentally, we have an article for that, too: 8 Steps Every Girl Can Take to Get a Girl to Sleep Over.

+ Interested in sharing a special snack with your special new friend/’special’ friend? Top Ten Cookies.

Are you ready? Let’s begin.

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On the Job:

Kelsey: GET A JOB! No really. Go get a job. It doesn’t even have to be a gay job. Though I’ve had those. Jobs in the Straight World tend to be teeming with undercover gays. If you see a printer jam, wait approx 2 minutes and most likely a gay lady will arrive to fix. In my opinion, regular ol’ jobs tend to be the best places to meet other gay ladies, whether for friendsies, FWB, or future partner material. If there are slimmer pickins’ at Your Job, all the better for you.

Fit for a Femme: Hang out where your friends work, if applicable. Someone I know just met a pretty thing to nibble on that way recently.

Riese: If your co-workers know that you’re a homogay, they will almost definitely attempt to introduce you to or set you up with their gay cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.
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Concerts for Queer Musicians

lilith fair lesbians

Crystal: I’ve met the majority of my queer friends at concerts. Gay girls are fairly serious about supporting their local gay musicians, and so go check out a few shows. If your town has an all-female band then that’s a good place to start, their concerts will probably be filled with potential queer friends. I always find it easiest to make friends with the musicians themselves because you already have a reason to strike up a conversation with them: to tell them that you enjoyed their show. Ask them when they’re playing next, and go to that one too. Just keep showing up.
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Join any Club/Team That Will
Have You as a Member

Intern Hot Laura: Do you have a bike co-op in your city? I bet you do, and I bet there are a bunch of cute girls running around with bike grease on their noses. Even if you don’t meet anybody, you get to learn how to build a bike which is kind of like carrying around a lighter just in case a cute girl asks for a light only better because you get to come their their rescue and fix their broken tire.

FFAF: Join a book club or writing group or DIY photography workshop – in fact, DIY anything would work.

Crystal: Go to the roller derby. 
All of the queer girls are at the roller derby. All of them. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve witnessed countless girls strike up new friendships while watching a game. It’s quite easy to do because if there’s one thing that roller derby fans love, it’s sharing their knowledge of the game with newbies. So if there’s a team in your city, go see them play. Saddle up beside a group of cute girls in the suicide seats (where all the serious fans sit) and ask them to explain the rules to you. I think you’ll make some new friends in no time.
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On the Internet

We have cited the internet multiple times as the best way to meet other gays. Clearly this IS the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found most of our friends right here, or via Riese’s prior blogs (that’s where most of the team comes from — readers of her blog and the friends she met through those people, etc). We hear OKCupid is a thing, also.

Intern Emily: Find someone on autostraddle who lives near you. Give them your email. Go for a walk. Walks are free.

Riese: It could be different now, but back when I was a baby (23) I responded to an ad on craigslist w4w by a girl who said she was bi, went to Columbia, played soccer, liked ‘420’ and was looking for other bi girls to go out with and be friends and brave the scary queer world together. The first time we met it was absurdly awkward but it got progressively better all the way to “more comfortable than I am with anyone, really.” We’ve been through a ton together — so many life phases! — and we’re still friends now, and it’s through her intrepid online friend-gathering that I met Lainy, who met my now-best-friend Haviland on friendster and then invited her to a thing that I was also at, which is how I met Haviland. So! The point of this is: craigslist could be a thing? The key to it being non-intimidating was that we both earnestly wanted new friends, yannow?

Laneia: Find a queer girl who writes a blog with a lot of feelings and send her emails about your feelings. Read books. When the queer girl with a blog starts an online magazine, help her. Accost people on gchat. When the queer girl with a blog has parties and introduces you to her friends, be really nice to them and say things with your mouth and eyes. If one of them is especially neat, write them an email and be their friend. Be really honest and take a lot of anti-anxiety medication. Don’t get an alternative lifestyle haircut unless you really want to. Buy at least one v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily: Start a blog. Write in it for 2 years. Take a 3-day hiatus and then ask for people in your city to email you.

Riese: Start a blog and then make a website and then hire people to be your friends for free.
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Roommates

Stick “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist post and the girls will come a-runnin’, with plenty of gay friends of their own in tow. You kill like 40 birds with one stone and can listen to Tegan & Sara all the time.
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In a Women’s Studies/Gender Studies Class

You can check out this directory of LGBT/Queer Studies programs at universities all around the country! Also you should participate in class. The girls who participate are the hottest.

bcw: Women’s Studies classes are a great place to meet women: everybody’s pretty much a feminist already so you can have brainsexy conversations, which are great for continuing in bars after class. Watch yourself with those hot profs, though.
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At your LGBT Campus Group in College or High School

This is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group

Taylor: In college, before I was very out or strongly identified, I started nervously attending a few events held by our school’s LGBT office. Fast forward a year and I was running on-campus queer workshops every week, and I’d scored a vast posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, just like that! Before I worked for our LGBT office I felt super shy at queer events, so if your school has an active LGBT organization, considering signing up or applying and dive right in. The LGBT office became a second home, which was great for between-class naps and meeting hotties, of course.

Intern Emily: Go to your school’s queer club. It’ll be awkward. You might go on a lunch date with a cute girl who brings her girlfriend. You might make some friends though.
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Gay Bars and Gay Events!

PYT-black-and-goldman-collage

Obviously this can be an intimidating situation, but a lot of getting-to-know-other-girls at these bars won’t happen with one initial awkward visit. You have to go back. And go back. And go back. And eventually you will have no choice but to feel comfortable there, because it’s a place you go a lot. Then maybe you will talk to strangers or get 25 people to kiss you for your 25th birthday. It’s a thing, you can keep score on your arm with a pen. If you live in New York City, GO Magazine has the most thorough, up-to-date bar/event listings.

Intern Emily: Go to a gay bar. Get really drunk and talk to everyone.

Riese: When you’re at the gay bar or lesbian night, you will think thoughts like ‘nobody here wants to talk to me’ or ‘everyone here has a girlfriend’ or ‘why are lesbians so intimidating’ and you need to suppress all of those feelings and cover them with a new feeling and that new feeling is ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen, I’ll get rejected?’ and I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW that seems petrifying, as though being rejected is the worst thing that could ever happen to you as a human being. But it’s actually not — your confidence is sexier than your outfit will ever be, and girls are so weird and have so many issues/reasons to potentially reject you that you can’t take any one rejection personally. Just make eye contact. Say hi. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Imagine yourself in her shoes and think about how you’d want her to approach you.

FFAF: Don’t be a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show alone. In fact, this is how I met my wife 5.68 years ago.
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Some General Tips

GROW A PAIR:

Sarah Croce: I used to be shy. My answer? Grow a pair. Figure out what is awesome about you and confidently strike up conversations with random people. They don’t have to be gay. Oftentimes you’ll find most girls are bi, or curious, or have gay friends. Straight people love to tell you they have gay friends and they always think you should hook up with them like there’s some kind of gay drought and in order to prosper and save the lesbian race we all need to mate feverishly. It’s like they don’t know we can’t procreate. And they always ask how lesbians have sex.
+

Start Small, Build a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R : Create your own Lesbian Posse. You only need 1 or 2 other gay friends to start – tell them to invite a few other queers they know (if you don’t have any other gay friends – they do!) and plan little events for yourselves like dinner at an apartment, movie night, bowling night, ski/hiking day trip, etc. Make it a weekly thing so you always have something to look forward to and as the weeks go by the lesbian phone tree will grow longer and longer and after a few months you’ll have your very own Lesbian Posse.
+

Be Brave:


Intern Emily: Unfortunately, meeting new people means you have to be brave and approach them and talk to them and find things to talk about and spend a lot of time obsessing about what to wear, etc. It’s a lot of social anxiety and you might want to take some pills for that, but also, you feel really good after.
+

Be Old-Fashioned and Venture Outside of Your Comfort Zone:

FFAF: Get outside of your comfort zone. I hear lots of girls complaining about how it’s all the same people, the same girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby city, take that train underwater, bike it, bus it, but don’t expect to meet new, exciting girls by doing the same shit that hasn’t worked for so far.

Also, be old-fashioned. Pretend there’s no internet and remember what it’s like to be polite and gracious and genuine IRL, and extend real invitations and cultivate real lasting friendships. It’s easy for things to fall through the cracks with internet-based connections; they need to be nurtured for reals. Being old-fashioned reminds us all a little of what it takes to maintain the kinds of relationships that we want!
+

Gays are Everywhere:


Rachel: Remember in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy realizes that what she was looking for was in her backyard/home/heart the whole time? You are a gay person, and you like to do things/go places. Chances are other gay people also enjoy these things/places and are probably already there! Look around your job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and probably there are queer people there. Like really, if there are more than 10 people in the building it’s statistically very likely that you will find someone else there who is also a huge gaymo. You just have to be brave and talk to people and not be shy about being gay yourself; they will probably be very relieved and respond in kind.

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OKAY SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU ALL MEET EACH OTHER. Become friends!! TALK IN THE COMMENTS!

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1,208 Comments

  1. Nobody???
    Rachel, I just wanna say that you look adorable in that picture. And I might just have a little crush on you/your posts/your hair.

  2. Hi! I’m Cheyanna, I’ve been a heavy auto-lurker for a year or something, I’m in high school and I live in a 3000-population town, which, what’s it like for other small-town high-schooling gays? Dunno. I feel like queer high schoolers are barely represented here besides the ones who’ve committed suicide. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that anymore! I love you all!

    • you’re not alone on the suffering thru school front! I’m in 8th grade in a big school in new york. Everyone is so sexist and homophobic and pretty much every type of prejudice, and the irony is it was made specifically to celebrate my boro’s diversity. I think there are a lot more of us on here than we suspect tho.

    • School is basically going to be school until I can finally leave. I don’t go to school in a small town, but my school is not at all queer friendly. luckily I have my best friends also being gay/bi. :P

      BUT ANYWAYS, I will send you an email! I’m at wildelyamusing at gmail dot com. :D

    • I’M IN HIGHSCHOOL TOO
      I’ve been auto-lurking since the tenth grade, and now I’m graduating in the spring. Can you believe I used to tell myself I read autostraddle for the ‘news’ hahahahahhaahaha.
      I’m so gay.

    • I’m 25 and didn’t come out even to myself til i was 22. . . I grew up in a super small town though. well, not really even in town. 12 miles from town on a farm. You’d be surprised at how many other queer folk their are at your school, some of who don’t even know it yet. As of right now I can count at least 5 people i went to high school who are not straight. Yeah, you’re not as alone as it seems. When you graduate, find your way to a bigger town. :) us small town homo’s gotta stick together!

      • I didn’t come out till i was 22 either and i’m only just 23 now, i’m worried people will think it’s weird that i came out so recently, which is part of the reason i find it hard to meet new queer girls! It’s good to know that i’m not the only person who came out in there twenties, even though i obviously knew that before but when i’m feeling sorry for myself i convince myself i’m alone haha.
        Anyway, cheers your post made me feel a lot better!

    • I had lots of lesbian and bi friends in high school in a smallish rural town, but none of them were out at the time. I was in a women’s only chorus (at least 1/2 of the chorus ended up being lesbian or bi), I started a girl band (turned out we were all bi), and hung out with drama kids. If you aren’t an actor you can always build sets or do lighting. I was friends with a lot of gamer girls & goths/metalheads. Some of my lesbian friends were really into studying biology or environmental science. Talk to the band girls who play euphonium or are in the drumline too. Good luck & don’t commit suicide please :)

    • My town isn’t that small, but it’s definitely hard to find things generated for queer high schoolers! I totally get that :)

    • Honestly, meeting other queer kids in my small town has been one of the most frustrating and underwhelming processes I’ve ever endeavored to complete. I go to a super small school, and there are exactly zero students like me. My town is super conservative, so even whispering that you’re gay is pretty risky, which makes meeting girls really, REALLY hard. So take heart, Cheyanna! You’re not the only one :)

  3. These are all good suggestions. A useful article indeed.

    Be out yourself if it is possible to do so at all. Networking through gay men can work. I don’t live in a city, so don’t buy into the notion that you have to be an urbanite to have gay friends.

  4. Ok, thanks for this post for reals guys! I’m from rural Ireland and I moved to our capital a year ago after a pretty painful breakup with my ex-gf. She was my first serious relationship and first gf so it was a stressful time. Anyway, my two best mates are gay guys and we go out everywhere together but its not helping me meet girls because they assume that I’m straight because I’m a femme girl out with her two gay guy friends. I’m really shy and find it very difficult to approach girls and as a result I haven’t had a single date since breaking up with my ex. So thanks for showing me that I can’t just sit back and wait for something to happen, I’ve just got to grow a pair and get out there! And if there’s any Irish Autostraddle readers on here: Hey! :D

    • First of all, if I wanted to throw a baby out an airlock, I’d say so.

      And, this is odd, my social circle consists entirely of two gay guys, too. Hi.

    • What’s up Madam_Airlock, I am also living in Dublin and I found the vast majority of my gay mates through a website called Queerid.com so I would say most definitely join it, post a “hi, im a new member topic” and that would be a great start! There’s also this cool website called Running Amach which is like a social group for gay ladies. I agree with you though, I have some great friends, but most of them are men. I find it very difficult to have gay lady friends, thus far when I think ive found a nice gay lady to be just mates with she drunkenly tries to come onto me and well, that sort of ruins the friendship, I blame alcohol for this entirely! And any time im out with one of my gay besties people think that me and him are on a date….for flip sake, heaven forbid two people of the opposite sex are just mates like! But anyway, I just thought id say hey and that your not alone, lots of us about and if you join Queerid there’s loads of meet ups and you are more than welcome to join us. That said we could possibly know each other already, such is the small size of the scene! :-D

      • Dia dhaoibh, mna!

        Irish here, obviously, but living in Boston for a year. Have stopped saying “Ah you’re grand!”, have moved onto “All set”.

      • Also, Lou, sorry but I think I know you? Well, not really know… Did I come to your apartment one night with a bunch of people and I re-enacted scenes from Judge Judy with a bunch of farm animals on the floor? Possibly? It’s all a little hazy but I’m squinting at your picture and I think that might’ve been your apartment..

        • Ha no way, are you mates with Aine?! Yes that was definitely my apartment, I dont recall doing the same thing at any other party in my house, playing judge judy is quite specific! Hello anyways. :-D

          • Oh jeepers yes, I had blocked said concert from my memory, it was way too traumatic for me! I could have sworn I saw you at gay prom but now I realise I was waving at some stranger id never met, ah well! I hope Boston is fun. :-)

      • Hey Lou, thanks for the advice! Queerid seems to be the way everyone is directing me….I’m on my way over there now! Lolz

      • where in scotland? I moved to glasgow from the states about a month ago and could use some gays!

          • I’m living in scotland, too, north of edinburgh. I’ve never been to glasgow, but have been planning a visit. Scottish gay ladies club anyone?

          • Holee Christ, there are 47000 of us. I have to go to work right now but when I come back there will be excited email. Oh yes.

          • @ sayers (&other glasgow autostraddlers) – send me an email! i met cassandra & lo this weekend, they’re wonderful. we’re talking about all meeting up sometime soon, if you’re interested.

          • @ sayers (&other glasgow autostraddlers) – send me an email, let’s do this!

            i met cassandra & lo this weekend, they’re wonderful. we’re talking about all meeting up sometime soon, if you’re interested.

        • I’m moving to Edinburgh this January (excited, but nervous) and I’m sure I’ll be saying the same thing about needing some gays. Can a girl get some early connections? and do you know Queerid good for Scotland too?

          • I’m in Edinburgh and sadly have approximately zero gay friends. My e-mail is [email protected], I like puppies, long walks and shiny apples, feel free to drop me an e-mail

            PS Glasgow ladies, Edinburgh’s not too far away so feel free to drop me an e-mail too ;-)

          • I’m in Edinburgh :) and don’t really have any queer friends.

            The Auld Reekie Roller girls are playing against Berlin this saturday though – any takers?!
            time_for_some_tea [at] hotmail dot com
            :)

          • Hey Leah, I’m in Edinburgh too so here’s an early connection for you! Don’t know about Quuerid, I know a few people who use gaydar girls though and seem to like it.

          • Hi ladies, we’re a couple of gay friends in Edinburgh and are looking for a way to meet like minded souls without the trashiness of dating sites! We’re up for going for drinks, or some fiiiiine cinema, maybe some food? And Lizi would like to go to some Art Galleries (I’m Debs, typing, she made me add that) Basically we’re open to (clean) suggestions! Drop us an email and lets meet up – Lizitrafford at gmail.com
            Looking forward to having some gay old times ahead x

    • I’m an American in London…if that helps…not really, but it’s still Europe!

      Also–where are the Londoners at?

      • REESE! American in London! Ditto! WIN! Let’s go to a Halloween party this weekend and hang out dressed in Lady Gaga meat dresses, now THAT is the way to make internet friends.
        Email me kay? [email protected]

          • Just realised, you know what we really need is an interactive map, preferably some awesomely-graphically-designed one, where Autostraddlers can put themselves on the map, and see where everyone is in the world.

            [Yorkshire girl in London.]

          • i’m going to london in november and i’m going to bother you all on twitter some day in the near future and make y’all take me out. fyi.

          • Hi I’m an hour from London, but there often and lived there last year. I’ll hopefully be an illustration student there next year too, I’d like a gang – club – posse of gay lady friends… kirstyhouser (at) gmail (dot) com.

            Laura I just read loads of your blog, and thought it was really brilliant!

          • Fantastic – lets arrange a London coffee, whoever’s around – next weekend?
            studio [at] bethanywells [dotcom]

          • Londoner in London here.
            Pretty new to this (I’m only 16)…would be good to meet people! :)

            aimeecucullati (at) gmail (dot) com.

            @aimutiny

      • The comments to this article are the sweetest thing, and I am surprised/delighted London turned up! I’ve been here a few months now, East London :-)

        I would love to have coffee with anyone who reads autostraddle (obviously!)

        – email me reflectionsasprotections AT gmail DOT com

        Reese, Lizzie, L – I’m not American but I just got back from living in NYC for a year, and, weird question, but does anyone know where to find grits here? (I blame brunches in Brooklyn).

        Land Girl – me too, North Yorks :-) Email me?

    • Unhelpfully, I’m from Ireland but live in Liverpool (hello to any Scousers!). I know it can seem a bit crap trying to be out and about in Ireland, but it will take a bit of time. A few years on the scene (in Cork) meant that after a while I knew a bunch of people, got involved in LGB clubs, gay centres, a whole world of stuff :) It happens!

      (Also, the internet is a wonderful thing for finding like-minded gays in Ireland.)

        • Hello! Whats this weather like in liverpool eh – cold, warm, cold, warm, lol
          my email addy is marie.obrien at gmail.com – so gimme a shout!

    • Hey Madam_Airlock,
      Queerid is a cool place to get to know people. I also had the two gay guys and looking femme problem and my first night out in Dublin on my own was greatly aided by the friendly company of the Qiders. Now when I go out and get abandonded by my two horny gay friends I take myself on out to the smoking area and chat to strangers instead and often bump into some Qiders too which is nice.

      Also you might want to check out any of the events or groups run by Outhouse or BelongTo. I started going to a group in Louth and its unreal how many friends I’ve made and I’ve also had really cool opportunities to do stuff like go to Prides around the country because of it.

      Gaydargirls can sometimes work for people. I’ve never really had much luck with it mainly because I’m rubbish at communicating who I am well over a few messages so I’m too scared that I’ll seem weird but I know people who’ve made friends or even set up dates on it so that’s a possibility too.

      You really do have so much available to you living in Dublin so don’t worry I’m sure you’ll be a scene queen or at least have a gazillion lesbian links in no time.

      • Hey Krrru, thanks for the reply! Yeah, I’m on Gaydar Girls on the advisement of my housemate but no luck so far….not necessarily hookup wise but just for meeting like minded queer chicks….definitely think I’m gonna give Queerid a go, seems to be where its all happening! :D

    • Yay! Ireland! Any one in the north? Add me on fb.. Search for thepoutisback… And don’t ask me about the name, it’s a long story, that can be told when we are bestest buds! Lol :D

        • No unfortunately, but I am going to see Marina and the Diamonds tomorrow! I hope Gaga was fun, I saw loads of people about town dressed up to the 9’s! Oh and by the by people from Ireland if you’re ever out on the scene in Dublin and you recognise me from my photo or the one in my link then please say hi, I did already meet one Autostraddler which I thought was very cool, id say there’s a few of us in most countries in the world! :-D

          • more irish people than i though on here which is cool, anyway thought i’d say hi. i’m late to the party as always,but hey better late than never.
            @Lou, just did a bit of nosing round on facebook (got your name from the article you linked to on lgbtnoise) anyway i’m not a total creep just thought i’d say hey because i noticed that we go to the same college! so, em yeah hi! *awkward wave*

          • Hello there, do you mean UCD or more specific to the particular school?! Anyway, it’s not creepy at all, it’s always great to meet new people! Perhaps you’ll see me in college or else out and about some night, if you do say hi. :-D

          • UCD, i tend to be around the arts block. I’ll definitely say hi if i see you around campus. (*note to self: go into college more*):P

          • Sorry for the slow reply. Ah excellent, I dont know how you successfully negotiate the arts building, it’s like a maze!! I once signed up to do a semester of Welsh there for some unknown reason but I couldnt find the room and I never went! Anyways, you’ll probably see me about on the scene, particularly the Front Lounge, love that place. :-D

  5. I love this; if it were legal i might even marry it. Is that weird? Dont judge me, I’m so alone…. heh :s
    (though that ‘grow a pair’ comment cut deep, i have social anxeity and that makes things so much harder)
    Either way, thank you Autostraddle

  6. Hahaha, I *just* finished explaining (read: making excuses) to my gay-boy-friend why I don’t want to go to the campus girls LGBTQ meeting tomorrow (too shy) despite the fact that before he went to the guys one he had no gay man friends and after only a few weeks of attending he’s acquired a plethora of manfriends plus hookups!
    I’ve done the gay guy party thing and it’s fun being the token chick wingman for my friends but clearly I need to get out there on my own/WITH GIRLS.
    Thank you for this article, it’s definitely a kick in the ass for me. :)

  7. if you’re in high school, you can grow your own gay posse by hanging out with the kids who trip your gaydar and then getting more and more gay friends as they continue to come out

    worked for me…

    • “you can grow your own gay posse”

      immediately made me think of one of those weird tv-only products with exaggerated, ridiculous commercials. you know, the $50 value that they’re practically giving away for a low, low price of $19.95, and if you call in the next five minutes they’ll throw in a free set of steak knives?

      but in a good way. :)

        • interior designing PROBLEM. i am clearly too blown over by the thought of having a little potted plant that’ll feel less like “oh god i killed bamboo once i cannot handle flora at all” and more like “oh, it’s like a DIY project in soil, this’ll be a piece of cake.”

          • Lol, I killed bamboo once too. I could never remember to water the darn thing. Plants should evolve to be noisy like dogs to remind you that they’re thirsty. Totally the bamboo’s fault for not thinking of that. XDDD

  8. I am a lesbian in Phoenix, and I can relate to feeling all alone here. Any other lesbian ladies here? This article is wonderful; thanks so much for all the great tips!

  9. Laneia is definitely not the only lesbian in Phoenix! I have first hand knowledge of this. I do believe, however, they are all hiding in domestic bliss or something.

    Excellent post! Specifically “grow a pair”.

  10. Oh yes! I seriously needed this article.

    I guess is time for some self-promotion:

    Hi! I’m a queer girl lost in the middle of Rhode Island looking to make friends. Anyone around? I’m totally willing to hop on a bus all the way to Boston just to hang out for a bit, that’s how hyper I am about meeting new peeps.

    Also, I like dancing and hedgehogs.

          • I’m in Provi too! Always looking for more queer lady friends.

            Do you guys go to Girlspot on Saturday nights at Gallery? It’s the only lesbian night in the area and it can be pretty fun.. Good music and dancing, D! :) I’ll probably be there this Saturday for Halloween.

            Email me: nothere 3579 at gmail dot com! :D

          • Hey J!

            Yes! Gallery is pretty fabulous, I’m just having a hard time finding people to go with. Sending you an email now!

            Oh, I can see a meet up for all of us in the future :)

          • Hey J! Here’s trying my luck and see if you check this. Just emailed you but it keeps bouncing back. Shoot me an email at ammo . love . battle at gmail.com

          • Hi! I’m new to Autostraddle and new-ish to Providence and definitely looking to make friends in the area!

            PS I semi-love Gallery but also have noone to go with! Let’s go dance like idiots! Can we be friends?

          • Hi Diane!

            Yes yes yes. My email is no longer the ammo love battle one, you can email me at “and for that I need a name” (no spaces on that, obvi) @ gmail.com

            I’m also under doubleornothing on the Autostraddle community.

            We should hang out! Lucky for you and your semi love for Gallery, they are not doing lady nights anymore, and Club X took over that honor. Let’s go next weekend? We can meet up before that :)

      • Boston ladies,

        I JUST applied for several jobs in Boston yesterday. I hope to be living there VERY soon. It’s good to know that there are at least a 2 gay people there which is 2 more than are in my current vicinity.

        • Cheers to my fellow Boston lezzies! I’ve lived in Boston for almost a decade (if you include college). Somehow, I’ve ended up with LOTS of gayman friends, and no lesbians (other than my roommate, who is very busy earning her uhauler badge).

          Currently living in the Dot, but starting to think I’m going to have to move to JP just to find some ladygay friends. If you want to hang out, grab a drink, see a movie, e-mail me! It’ll be super awkward and great!

          e-mail is lindsaym774 at gmail dot com

          • Hey! Another Boston gay here. I live in Cambridge, am 28, and am always looking for queer ladies to hang out with. (Most of my gay friends are guys.) Send me a message at twobeerqueerblog at gmail dot com.

            And don’t move to JP! It’s so far away.

          • So many gay ladies in Boston! I’m tagging along if this meet-up ever happens. Just moved here so yay for potentially making new friends on fabulously awkward meetups. I’m 22, live in the North End. My email is c vander bilt at g mail dot com.

          • Dude, so sad when you get your own email wrong, c vander bilt 88 at gmail dot com. Those numbers would be important. :)

          • Yes, come to Cambridge instead! I’m also a Cambridge ladyqueer, but I spend a lot of time out of town at a certain small college in Maine. If you want a Cambridge/Boston/Maine friend, I’m skiingplatypus at gmail dot com. (wooo embarrassingly weird email address. ask me about it via email!)

          • cambridge-based lesbian blogger here. good to see there are so many of us! i’d love to help organize some gaygirl events and meetups. perhaps we could make a facebook group or something? it would be an easy was to post events and arrange hangouts.

            hit me up at carrie[at]thenewgay[dot]net

      • Boston-area…ish? I’m in NH but in Boston visiting friends all the time. I’d love be a part of any awkward Boston meet-ups that occur. sgatzke [at] gmail

      • wth, where was i in 2010, october?! i want boston lezzie-friends nowww! anyone still here? :D

  11. I’m a gaywad that goes to a school in new york where people are extremely homophobic yet somehow advertized as diverse and accepting. anybody, even if you’re in long island, if you want to meet me just ask.

    Jesus, I feel like I’m writing a personal ad.

  12. OMG LESBIANS IN PHOENIX LETS MEET AT TEMPE MARKETPLACE AND WATCH A SCARY MOVIE.

    i have a loyalty cup from harkins, you guys.

    • Ha seriously loyalty cup = win/I’m in!
      If planned properly I could bring a friend who in turn could introduce you to her friends who in turn could introduce you to their friends and bam you have a circle!

    • My 19 year old sister (who claims that she is “bi”) just moved to Phoenix. I am five hours away and plan to visit her soon. That doesn’t really help anything, though, does it?

      • HELLO LESBIANS OF PHOENIX / SURROUNDING AREAS –

        hi. email me : laneia at autostraddle dot com and we will actually do this. we will meet and do things and talk and other stuff. IT WILL BE A THING.

        ok, go.

  13. This is great! I need lesbian friends because so far all I have are gay boy friends. And I don’t even think they count because they’re related to me. Anyone in Texas? DFW area?

  14. I find that outing myself in class really works to bring the homogays out to play. So does booze and working security at a concert venue.

    I live in Boulder, Colorado. But I know how hard it is to meet other homogays, be it platonic or not. There is hope… like Denver.

      • You really don’t, believe me. It’s a bubble of over privledged people who pretend to be hippies but are just living off their parents trust fund, doing lots of drugs and not caring about anything remotely important. The price of living is out of control for what you’re getting there. There are NO gay bars or coffee shops or anything like that. Everyone goes to Denver to be gay.

        The only thing good here is the University. Everything else is sub-par. I assue you.

        • No gay bars?! That’s insane.
          Well… I was going to move to Boulder because I wanted to study Geology there but I didn’t get the money to pay for everything :(
          Anyways, thanks for the heads up!

      • HA! All my friends go to Denver every weekend to hit up the bars/clubs and hang out at the Mercury Cafe. I usually have to work.

        Don’t look to Boulder to hope. It’s the most ambivalent community. RAWR.

        • the mercury cafe is bomb. as is paris on the platte if you’re ever off work and get to come down here. plus there’s always tracks if you’re feeling adventurous.

          and you’re right, when i think boulder the word ‘trustafarian’ comes to mind. but. you guys have several epic sandwich shops (cheeba hut for example), and a really cool tea house, plus chintzy little stores on 16th. and the hill if you’re at cu.

          plus i’ve heard cu has a pretty excellent gsa. but thats just rumor, and anythings better than what du has going.

          i wish you luck with all that ambivalence though!

    • Ah, Boulder, been here all my life, I can definitely understand your frustration. It can get to the point where you want to punch people, but you get used to it (actually, is that a good thing?)
      Where do you work security? The Fox?

      • Yep! I work at The Fox. I also live with two people from Boulder, they went to Fairview. It’s such a crazy small bubble, you probably know them.

        I can’t imagine living here your entire life. I moved from KC, MO.

        • Maybe, but I went to Boulder High so chances are slim. Along with being disconnected with the entire world, there is also a north/south divide. It’s pretty weird actually, but that’s the way it goes
          I assume you go to CU?

          • My friend Ashanti is an English major, you maybe know her, super tall, big hair, a bit intimidating. I also basically know everyone who works at the Boulder Bookstore, and there’s lots of English majors there.
            I went to CU for a bit, then decided it wasn’t my cup of tea, now I’m taking some classes at front range and moving out asap.

          • I don’t know your friend but I spend most of my time taking LGBT studies classes and forcing them into my major. However, I tend to be a bit oblivious so she might know me.

            I wish, desperately, that I worked at the Boulder Bookstore. I’m salivating at the thought.

            CU: it’s not for everyone. In fact, I don’t even know if it was for me. I left home and when you leave everything behind you kind of just commit to making it work, no matter what. Now, after four years of being here, I’m definitely ready to get out of Boulder and CU. (Even though a graduate degree from Naropa in poetics is so fucking tempting. Hippies be damned.)

            What kind of classes are you taking at Front Range?

          • Yeah, I probably would still be in school if I had gone out of state, but that’s how it goes. I’m just taking a composition class and a history class, something to do to be productive (and it helps that it’s cheap)
            Naropa is one of those places that is quintessentially Boulder to me, it’s pretty awesome.
            contrapossto at gmail dot com is my email if you want it (yes, misspellings immortalized into email addresses suck, but it’s too late now)

    • Hey girls!
      I’m from boulder and can totally related to everything your saying. Other than the university boulder is expensive and not all it’s hyped up to be. Denver is the place to be. You two better be at the drag show tonight to support our community :) it’s at 8 pm in the Glenn Miller ball room. after party is at tracks.

  15. Just saying, guys: my best queer girl friends are people I met in 1) Girl Scouts 2) required philosophy seminar freshman year 3) Spanish class 4) the dining hall. Just so you know I’m not making shit up when I say you can meet people anywhere. Really they are there, I promise, and it would be so sad for me if you went through all of college/life not realizing that the girl in front of you in line for potato salad is also gay and awesome just because you never talk to her. I also want to address the domino effect of making just one queer girl friend, in which you immediately gain access to all her friends, her girlfriend, her friends, her friends’ girlfriends, her ex that she’s still friends with and all HER friends… do you see what I mean? GO FORTH AND MAKE MOVES.

    • In my high school Spanish class I had an entire conversation with another queer written in pencil on the desk. The conversation went something like: spanish is gay -> I’m gay -> me too -> omg what grade are you in -> sophomore you? etc. I guess what I’m saying is if you want to communicate with queers in high school you should vandalize your desk/take Spanish. It worked for me.

  16. Anyone else DC chillin? Let’s go, I know we’re one of the gayest cities in the country, y’all have to be out there…

    • YES!! I am (fairly) new to DC. There is a Drag Queen race in Dupont tomorrow evening that will probably be amazing. You (and anyone else in the area) should go! Drag Queens running IN HEELS. I can’t even walk in them. This will be exactly like watching the Olympics.

      http://www.yelp.com/events/washington-halloween-high-heel-drag-queen-race

      Also: Rollerderby! I have not been to derby in dc yet, but I believe the next match is Nov. 21st. Any DC-ers want to go?

      Lastly: Phase 1, do people go there? Do you have thoughts on it?

      So many questions. If anyone in DC wants to meet up/tell me about places to go, feel free to email: ocapaeon at gmail dot com

      • i probably can’t make it in there tomorrow for the drag race, but would totally go watch roller derby! you can email me at cjr2f at virginia dot edu

      • Oh my, I wish very much that I could make it to that drag race, I think they should storm Capitol Hill when they’re through.

        Also, I am not of much help on clubs and such in DC seeing as I’m not of legal drinking age yet, but that roller derby sounds potentially fabulous…

        • ok, thats terrifying. are you CLOSE to the drinking age?

          also, Ocapaeon, i think i went to a logo event at Phase one and thought it was terrible, like three years ago. it was really loud and full of girls who were not talking to me!

          but maybe we can becoome friends and totally wing man it up for each other.

      • I’m in DC! I’ve been here about two years, am happily girlfriended but she and I are always enthusiastically looking to meet new queers. We’ll be at the high heel race tomorrow for sure. Feel free to search for me on facebook: ibendorf at gmail dot com.

        • I live in DC, but I can’t make it to the race. :( I work right in Dupont, so look me up on FaceBook if you’re in the area, too. spw27 at georgetown dot edu

        • I am moving to the DC area some time within the next year (depends on a house getting sold! Not my house…Piggybacking up there with the ‘rents then going to start looking for a queer roomie, obvs). I would LOVE to start laying some groundwork. I don’t want to end up isolated!

          I am fairly sure I will be on the MD side when I arrive but I am familiar with the area as I lived in Germantown for many years before moving to Texas.

          Feel free to click on my SN up there to go to my fb page or you can e-mail me at iris.in.winter at gmail dot com.

    • I’m so late to the DC convo. For some reason I didn’t think there were any queers around, aside from a much older cousin,
      I’m the only one I know.

      • I will be there within the year! I know that seems like a while but I would like to make some friends now…Definitely don’t want to be alone. Feel free to add me on FB (if you click on my username up there it takes you) or e-mail me at iris.in.winter at gmail dot com.

    • Hey, I live in baltimore but am in dc all the time. I’ll be the sexy almost-passing redhead. Come hit on me and my hot queer friends if you see me.

      • Yeah B-more. DC may be cool, but who wants to drive there every weekend? Is there a cool hangout in Baltimore? I just moved here.

        • hey we’re trying to get some b’more people together on the other meet-an-autostraddler-week thread- email me at lvnclr27 at gmail dot com if you’re interested!

    • So it seems like there’s a bunch of us around DC. Maybe we should make an email list so we can meet up at events and stuff. Anyone wanna get on that? It could be fun!

      • I’m a little late coming back to this, but I love this idea. Maybe we could even do a little get together (derby, eh, eh?) so we recognize faces when we’re out?

        For the list, I could send out an initial email to everyone, and then we can all share events, info, etc once we have each other’s email addresses. If you didn’t already list your email, you can email me at: ocapaeon at gmail dot com, and then I’ll send out an email to everyone. Would that work?

        Also, if anyone’s curious, the drag queen race was amazing BUT it was so packed that I really only got to see headdresses as they were running past me. Regardless, it was totally worth it :-)

    • I’m new in DC! Where DO all the ladies go in this town? I’ve looked at Phase One, but it doesn’t look like somewhere I wanna be, ya know? Email me! nova really isn’t that far either. [email protected]

      • it also doesn’t help that my gaydar is hella shitty. like, i know the chick with the tattoo of two girls holding hands is gay, but what about all the other girls?

        • I second this. I have no Gaydar.
          NONE.
          Except for that one in a billion 100 footer I see walking down the street, and I’m like Oh shit that ain’t no guy with boobs. That’s a gay chick!

        • Apparently Hartman’s on Bank St. I started working there and am now friends with like a million queer girls.

      • iknowrite?

        i go to the straightest-looking university ever, so it’s nice to know there’s other gay ladies out there!

    • i’m from ottawa. i moved to montreal after high school but when i was there, i used to go to the lookout on friday nights with my gay boy best friend and our fake IDs. i bet DJ Jen is still spinning early 2000s dance hits there to this day. best poutine ever at the little shack outside, too. unfortunate sidewalk presence of brig and dom frat boy clientele sometimes, though, but that’s the market. i’m sure there are other, newer bars now that i’m not aware of but the lookout through the years has always maintained a certain shabby honesty, in my opinion.

  17. Anybody on here from Saint Pete/Tampa area of Florida???????????
    Or Columbia South Carolina where I’m from

  18. I know there must be lesbians near me, I just haven’t met any yet because so far I’ve been too scared to go any LGBT events at mt uni! Anyone on here in Brighton (UK)?

    • Hey, I go to Brighton :)are you studying at Sussex or Brighton? my email address is candicearmah(at)gmail.com – Would definitely recommend going to some of the events, i’ve met some pretty cool people.

      • That’s what they say!

        I go to Sussex :) I’m finally going to some lgbt thing tomorrow with a gay guy who also doesn’t want to go alone so i’ll see how that goes…

        • Oh cool, what’s the thing you’re going to? I’m an LGBrighTon rep – we do collaborative things with Sussex LGBTQ. There’s a Halloween Blowout on Sunday at Revenge (one of our events) which I would say you should totes check out :D

          • I’m not really sure what it is, I think it’s on campus, not a big thing. I might check it out! All I’ve got planned so far is a house party.

    • Darn, I grew up in Brighton but moved to Bristol a year ago. Let us know how the LGBT thing went :)

      • I used to live in Brighton and just moved to Bristol… any recommendations for going out?

    • Yep, from the Brighton area. Seriously, Brighton IS queer capital of England. Nice to see you’re gonna go to one of the events, that seems like the best idea. I’m still in my last year of Sixth form and we have no such events.

  19. If you live in Sydney and want to make a new queer friend then you can email me. I’ll probably invite you to a concert or the roller derby.

    crystal [at] autostraddle [dot] com

    • Same here, if you are in the Chi! Roller derby is *so* queer and we have 2 leagues in Chicago, not to mention lots of others nearby! One league is defo more queer than the other, but they are both great. AND we are hosting the WFTDA Championships here in 2 weeks. I have been immersing myself in the derby scene and I’m loving it.

        • UIC Pavillion, where WCR plays all their home bouts. I usually do track take down, but I’m going to be at all three days of Championships as a mere spectator! :) and The Outfit is also helping with hosting duties, I believe. It’s going to be amazing.

      • Oh, and I def sat behind Varla Vendetta on a flight to Portland last week. And then I saw her in Seattle a few days later. I figured out she played for the WCR, but didnt’ know her name until I saw her mentioned in a Huffpost article a couple days ago. My world seems to be coming together. via Autostraddle.

        • Yeah, they were headed out there for their Rose City/Oly games. Unfortunately the Pacific Northwest wiped the track with our girls.

        • Excellent! If I wasn’t wearing derby related tshirts all weekend, I’d wear my Autostraddle tshirt one day to be ‘locatable’ :)

    • I also live in Sydney, and am totally going to the 20th Nov Roller Derby at Hordern. I wanted to road trip it out to the next one in Woolongong, but alas it just didn’t come together.

      I’m liking the pro-activeness of this article & comments! So – I’m 22, a uni student, if anyone wants to talk – meredith_dowling at bigpond dot com.
      And seriously, if there are any other Sydney Uni people here, for the love of god contact me.

      • I heart your pro-activity (totally a word, I made it up just now)and would like to add my own. So: I’m 25, a uni student, living/hiding in south-western Victoria. I don’t go to Sydney Uni, but the same continent is a start, right?
        Shit, I sound like a personals ad. My favourite colour is red, my favourite food is free, and my favourite font is comic sans. Ok, I lied about that last one. I hope you don’t think I’m a total creepazoid if I email.

        For serious, jaltr at deakin dot edu dot au. I need some sanity, my friends keep trying to set me up with farmers. Also, this is the country. There are cows. Cows!

        • I’m currently freezing my arse off in south-western Victoria, I might have to hug a sheep to keep warm.

          Anyway, I don’t live here permanently, but next time I visit, let’s hide under doonas and complain about the weather. :)

        • Woo Canberra! (First time that’s EVER been said.) I am a HUGE Raiders fan and actually hooked up with my gf in Canberra so I love the place. Especially Action buses. I live in Sydney and have never had any gay friends. Never been to a gay bar either. If anyone knows of any gay social groups in Sydney let me know! Otherwise I’ll go check out a woodwork class :) [email protected]

      • hola!

        I also live in Canberra, and certainly need some gay friends.

        ingrid.e.barnes at gmail dot com

    • Gah, just realised this article is literally four years old!! Anyway I would love to be friends if you are still here/ever log in to Autostraddle! :)

  20. Dear Columbia, Missouri, USA lesbians/queers/dykes,
    Please let me know you are out there. I know that there are hundreds of you, just hiding. LET’S BE FRIENDS.

      • gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah a’lsda’;sldk I’m going to make signs and I’m going to sit outside Columbia and Stephens and Mizzou and wait for them to come to me.

        • YES. DO SO. My friend Jenna goes to school there and she always has really hot hook-ups SO I KNOW THEY ARE LURKING THERE SOMEWHERE.

          Isn’t there a crazy gay bar there? I went there once… for bitch bingo with this amazing drag queen. Does that ring any bells?

          • that would be SoCo probably. . . there’s also peppers which is fairly new. i haven’t been there yet though. . .

            there are definitely gays here, it’s just getting up the nerve to meet them for me. . .

            Columbia is my little oasis. . .

    • im about 3 hours north of columbia, but my sister just started college at columbia college, so, its a fact that i will be down there way more often than i ever was before! FACT! jadertater13 at live dot com. also, i make it to st louis quite often/am considering a move there. big changes, my friends…big changes.

  21. hi i put my email out here once and then i met some cool people so i’ll do it again –

    if you live in montreal and want to chat/email/hang out feel free to email me at emily choo 19 at gmail dot com. i took some of the pictures in this article JUST SAYING

    • Hey, you go to concordia university right? I’m thinking about going there and was wondering if you liked it

      • yes! and yes, sort of. i have feelings about university. concordia is a good school though, even though everyone outside of montreal is like OMG MCGILL!!111 my friend goes to mcgill and she says she wishes she went to concordia. i don’t know. i chose concordia over mcgill, but also, i didn’t get accepted into mcgill, so. but i suppose the key point is that if i had been accepted, i still would have gone to concordia.

        to make a long comment even longer, yeah, i like concordia. you should go.

        • I kinda just skimmed Mcgills website but it seems concordia offers more programs but I couldve been looking in the wrong places (sometimes websites can confuse me). I’m pretty nervous because I’ve never actually been to Montreal and I would be moving from Ohio. I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone ,or as I like to call it, throwing myself to the wolves:D The only thing I know about Montreal is what I learned in French class but I don’t actually remember much from French class hmmm ah well geez now whos comments long, anyway thanks a lot and any input is much appreciated no matter how long winded it may be.

          • Take it from someone who has been to both universities- Concordia is the shiz. The facilities are newer/better (they just built two new buildings downtown and are constructing a new wing to the Sceince building), like you mentioned they offer more diversity in terms of course selection, and they have smaller class sizes. You can always play with the McGill girls at Faggity.

            Also, Montreal is magical. If/when you come down for a campus tour I would be happy to show you around.

          • Thanks for the offer that’ll be great. I haven’t even arranged a campus visit yet I should probably get on that. Also what is Faggity?

          • faggity ass fridays. you’ll learn. and i second the emotion of concordia over mcgill for coolness and queerness, though it depends on what you want. both schools have big, active queer communities. and montreal is magical.

          • So i just cntl+f’d “Montreal” and legitimately freaked out when i saw these posts, this thread. All of this glory. Then i made an account. I’m a south shore kid who, acceptance pending, will also be attending Concordia next fall. So incredibly excited. ALL the excitement.

          • Yay terracottatoes! Are you in Cegep right now? Email! nikush_s at hotmail dot com

            And yeah what is this faggity ass fridays? I feel like I’m missing out on a very big piece of information here

            Guys this is meant to be. We should seriously just email everyone here from Montreal and meet up.

            We can have our own Gay Posse =D

          • Agree, Concordia is definitely a great place to be. McGill has a nice campus and all, but I think Concordia’s got bonus points for being a little more interesting, let’s say.

          • By the way, who’s on twitter here? Great place to meet some folks. I’m genevieve_mtl over there. cheers.

    • YES! Me and Emily met! Through Autostraddle – Blog etc.
      And she’s awesome!

      She might be a little freaked out though seeing as I got all excited about buying a ps2 game without owning the actual console because I felt to nostalgic about my youth.
      BUT YES guys all of you who are finding people in your area – meet up! It’s awesome!

      Speaking of which, Montreal girl here nikush underscore s at hotmail dot com!

      • i like how i met emily recently and also got on the topic of old school videogames even though she hasnt played that many. she clearly telepathically projects videogame rays. and is also cool.

        • you guys can write testimonies for me for when i try to solicit other people into being my friend! like right now, thanks guys.

  22. I started making queer friends by being out and meeting other people queers through my friends. There was an epic night two years ago that I missed when I was deathly ill. Two really good friends went to a party in the burbs where nearly every girl there was gay. Luckily, the next weekend, most of the same people had another party and now we’re all friends. It’s weird and awesome how that happened.

    However, I do like to meet new people and you do to and you’re from Philly-ish area, let me know and we can be friends.

      • I live in bucks county. I hate it, but I go to Temple. Where you at? oh and email me at sweens at temple dot edu.

        I really love that my friend Lynne said said I was a good friend.

    • We should all meet up somewhere! Any other Philly folks out there?

      I will laugh so hard if it turns out I know some of you already.

        • I dont know why I am just seeing this, I’m at Temple too! though I don’t think I have seen you around, but I am sure that we know some of the same people hahaha. Let’s all be friends! haha SHAAARK [at] temple [dot] edu. :D

          • Is anyone in the Yardley/Bucks County/Pennsbury High area? I just moved and my school is SO HUGE. There are so many people and my gaydar is nonexistent. I’m in my senior year and I have almost no one to hang out with besides friends I had when I was a kid and lived here. But we’ve all grown apart. If you want to help an 18 year old writer get over her social anxieties and make senior year go by faster, please email me: [email protected].

    • I’m really late to this conversation… but about Philly. It’s on my list of places I may move to. Pros? Cons? Annndddd…. GO.

  23. There are lesbians in Phoenix….me and my sister live here….but your odds are better by goin to any straight bar and turning a girl

  24. The timing of this is so perfect for me. I’m new to NYC and new(ish) to being out, so I’ve spent a lot of time since I moved thinking about how I can cultivate my own lesbian posse (or any kind of posse in general, because any group that calls itself a posse is one I want to be a part of).

    I’ve been doing my best to live outside my comfort zone lately because that’s where shit gets real. As such, I’ve also spent a lot of time lately giving myself little pep talks to get over what can be immobilizing social anxiety. I’m really, really trying to grow a pair, but like, it’s hard.

    But you know what shouldn’t be so hard? Reaching out facelessly (thanks internet) to a group of people you know you have a lot in common with. So, even though I’ve never commented here before, I’m gonna be bold and propose some kind of meet up for readers in the NYC area. This Wednesday? Happy hour somewhere? Thoughts/feelings?

      • I’ve seen/ wanted the big gay ice cream truck! but there’s always a forever-long line attached to it :(.

        • because it’s just that awesome. And gay ladies flock to it. And the guy who owns it says that once I get my working papers I can get a job there.

    • NYC represent! I know this city is crawling with queer ladies, but sometimes it feels like I can hardly pick them out through all the flamboyantly gay men walking around.

      But Michelle, feel free to send me an email: [email protected]

    • I’m on Long Island, but I frequently (like, every other weekend) run away to NYC. I have, like, NO gay lady friends. There’s two dudes I chill with that are gay, but that’s all sorts of awkward for us.

      Wanna be friends? =] [email protected]

    • Hi guys, I also live in NYC well queens but I’m in the city for work all the time and BROOKLYN REPRESENT. I play rugby for brooklyn women’s rugby and let me tell you that is how I met most of my gay lady friends. That and this wonderful site. So if you guys are legit going out this week let me know because and well I like people and the power of Autostraddle. [email protected]

      • cool i’m sure making grammatically correct comments is not a prereq especially after rugby practice but i apologize for that last little bit.

        • Queens! Yay! :) always down for rugby or meeting some new friends! Email me: tfadairo at hotmail dot com

      • YES. Rugby is an amazing way to meet loads of gay ladies. Also, I’ve found that even the stray straight rugby ladies are incredibly accepting. I guess that just goes along with the whole tackling-girls-as-a-sport thing?

    • I live in Long Island City and agree with the whole social anxiety thing, it sucks but I’m willing to try to “grow a pair” (as weird as that sounds). So yeah, if you guys decide to meet up then hit me up, we can be awkward together (…or just me, either way) [email protected]

    • I’m moving to nyc in 2 weeks! from the other side of the world. Let’s hang.
      ps. woah the powers of the internet

    • hi! i live in nyc, so i think it’s pretty weird that i literally do not know a single queer person other than myself. perhaps i just have terrible gaydar? either way, here is my email, because it would be extremely rad to have a meetup of some sort :)
      [email protected]

      • I think we should all meetup! I also think that this is the cutest post ever because while telling us how to meet other chicks, they created a forum to ACTUALLY MEET OTHER CHICKS. It’s so meta, you guys, I can’t even..

      • alasgirl, where in nyc are you? i’m in the same boat as you. never met a lesbian in the UES…i know, shocker. but i live here because i can walk to work and the rent is just right.

        i would love to do a meetup with some autostraddlers [email protected]

    • i dont technically live in ny, but i fly up every year for a month.. or three.. (: and i’ll be in the city/long island during dec/jan break yay! email me if you wanna be friends!! [email protected]

    • hi, i live in brooklyn, too. i don’t have social anxiety issues, but i like meeting new people, especially new gay friends, you can never have too many of those. somehow i end up doing so many things i want to do on my own, it’s like everyone is always so busy. FOR EXAMPLE – i have two tickets to see chely wright on november 4, and my gf can’t go and everyone else i have asked already has other plans. anyone want to go see chely wright at joe’s pub?

      i would come to a meet up, or hang out or email or whatever. you can email me at rocketdyke at gmail.

      • another brooklyner here, and as always late to the party. recent transplant from RI, and my only gay friends are my roommates. did i miss the train? nicoleterrien at gmail dot com.

  25. I need to be old-fashioned and meet people. I’m a closeted loser but I want a lesbian posse of my own! Omaha is surprisingly full of people, I’m just bad at making lesbian friends apparently?

    • OMAHA! gah. i went to creighton and stayed (teaching pre-k) for a year afterwards. i had issues meeting lesbians too! the whole “conservative state” thing always stuck in the back of my mind, but i was as out as i could be. the gsa was helpful while i was in school but there’s a point when that circle gets too small… i feel your pain. if i was still there i’d say let’s hang out – currently i’m in korea (teaching). but we can still talk if you want a far away friend!

    • I feel the exact same way. I live in Omaha too! I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I won’t ever have a group of lesbian friends until I move out of the state. I do however hang out with about 12 gay men, and apparently I’m the only lesbian our age that any of them know, which is kind of baffaling to me.

      Can we get some more Nebraska love here please?! I’ve felt so alone all of my life. I feel like I am constantly putting my life on hold until I can finally get out of this damn state and move somewhere more populated and more liberal.

      • DO IT! move out. how long till you can do that? it gets better i promise. i was in minnesota after omaha for maybe 3 months before going abroad to teach and i found more gay friends in that time than 5 years in omaha… shoot me a message if you want a friend who “gets it.” lowood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

        • I want nothing more than to move. I have been talking about leaving this state since I was in high school, but somehow got sucked into college here, then got sucked into a job in omaha. I have since lost that job, and am working as a server, I have nothing holding me here but my crippling fear to just take the leap and move. I keep hoping I will just find a job out of state, but I apparently suck at interviews. I hate being socially awkward.

          • So you’re telling me I’m the ONLY gay lady in Omaha who doesn’t want to leave? I’m going to need one of you to stay here and fight the power with me.

          • honestly, i could take it or leave it. omaha’s music scene is fantastic and i had a blast going to concerts there (like tegan and sara!) now that i’m gone i do miss it, but while i was there it was rough. i think part of that was that i’m a teacher though. i lucked out with some liberal co-workers but i was always nervous about coming out at work. i’ll definitely be spending a good chunk of time in o-town when i get back to the states and i’m super excited! mostly to see friends and go to dixie quick’s, and the max. let’s be honest – the max is awesome. i love dancing.

          • I go to Wayne but used to be in Omaha half the week (ex goes to Creighton). I’d be fine living in Omaha after graduation, but I keep falling for women in other states. I’m still around until at least May (student teaching at OPS this spring) though!

            Also, mmmmmmmm…Dixie Quicks! The apple-brie omelet is heaven. Fucking heaven.

          • HypeSociety! I just sent you a message on last.fm, just so you know.

            Lo! Can I get your email address/Twitter?

          • dixie quicks will be one of my first stops when i’m back in omaha. my mouth is literally watering (it’s breakfast time and i’m in korea where they eat kimchi and soup for breakfast.. no breakfast restaurants ANYWHERE).

            HypeSociety!! where are you student teaching?! I student taught in Omaha and spent a year teaching in Millard right out of college.

            All you Omaha ladies – email me i’m alway up for conversation. i’m a good pen pal. email me –> lo.wood518 (at) gmail (dot) com

          • Student teaching starting in January…I haven’t been placed yet, but I applied for Beveridge MS, South High, and Skinner and Catlin Elementary Schools. I have to do half in elementary and half at a secondary school for my major (k-12 art)

          • going to the Max tomorrow (Friday) night. I’ll be with my straight roommate and gay (but not out) best guy friend.

            It’d be great to see Autostraddlers there.

            Just sayin’…

          • It’s not that I don’t like it here, because I do. I very much respect Omaha as a city. I love the old market, the arts scene, everything the city is doing to revive the midtown area, i love concerts, and how easy it is to navigate, and of course dancing at the max! love the max! I just don’t like how conservative people can be here, I am a shy person and I hate coming out to people because everyone has SO MANY QUESTIONS and can’t stop talking about it. I just want to go somewhere where its a little more socially acceptable.

            i’ve never been to dixie quicks, i don’t even know where it is located.

            hypesociety and dessy: maybe we should plan a meet up sometime? i’ve been friends with hypesociety on facebook from kelka days, but we’ve never actually spoke face to face, might be fun?

          • Mix, I’d love to meet up, but it’d have to be sometime after November 5th, as I’ve got TONS of school-related junk going on.

            BTW, I totally get what you mean about being frustrated by rampant conservatives. I don’t even like voting here because I find the “Democrats” too conservative!

          • Sometime after November 5th would probably be best for me anyway, I pretty much work constantly. I rarely get a night off. And, I’ve been through college, so I totally understand being insanely busy with school junk.

            SO with you on the conservative democrats thing!

    • Omaha what what?
      Do you go to Revel at House Of Loom? It’s pretty much the only lesbian thing going in town, besides roller derby. Check out Revel on Facebook if you’re not familiar.
      You like Sonic Youth so we have at least three things in common… Wanna be friends? We can be friends. [email protected]

  26. WHOA THIS IS JUST WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE EVERRR…

    Seriously. So much of it is like, “duhh”, but also something I just pretend doesn’t apply to me, like the grow a pair comment. Considering I can count the amount of people that know I’m a homogay on one (okay, maybe two) hand, and that my facebook profile doesn’t have any orientation at all listed, I really shouldn’t be so surprised that I haven’t registered on people’s gaydar just for liking tegan and sara and having short nails.

  27. ⚠ Warning:

    I may use the email addresses you’re so casually sharing to send you images/whathaveyous I find amusing. Prepare thyselves!

    Additional warning: you’ll love it.

        • Awesome! I’m in “the boro” attending grad school. Currently working on the Civil War Trails project. LOVE Preds’ hockey. How do you like Nashville?

          • Alright, gonna be honest, I’m nowhere near Nashville, but I am also a HUGE hockey fan. If you wanna chat about that, I am always down.

          • Ladies hockey screams gay! I mean in a way that you can meet people! My college hockey team is GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY bi GAY GAY GAY etc

          • Ladies who love hockey! iris.in.winter at gmail dot com. (Also, you can add me on fb.) I’m a Capitals fan myself. :)

          • So I actually just went outside my comfort zone, and tried to shoot you an email JB – but it bounced back. I can’t see a typo in the address I typed, but then again, it /is/ 3am and I should be asleep.

            And, morningbird: boo, capitals ;) They were actually the first team to beat the Preds this season I think.

          • I really like it a lot! I just moved here a month ago without knowing a soul. See, I’m originally from Louisville, KY. I live near Vandy! Email me and we could grab coffee or something one of these days, yeah? laureysmythe at gmail dot com.

          • Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I’m going to finish up some papers this week/weekend, but then I’ll be in touch.

          • Going to be in Nashville Nov 12-15 and could probably tell you about some cool shows and things. My friend Kim knows lots of people. I can help you make friends, gay or not.

          • Ahhh you know, I was just looking through the comments trying to find one other girl from Kentucky. Even if you aren’t here now I feel sooo much better. I live in the Northern part near Cincinnati, but Louisville is where my heart is. Or at least my puppy.

            lanie.loo.love@gmail dot com.

          • My puppy’s in Louisville too :(

            And I love Cincinnati! Everybody there is so so nice. I would visit nearly every weekend when I lived in Louisville!

          • @Laura it’s very unbalanced. All most close gay friends are men…I can throw a rock and hit a gay man (but I would never because they are nice people). So happy I’m not the only one from here. I love how it feels sorta big, but is actually very small. I just wish there were more things to do.

            @Laurey my puppy was “our” adopted love child so Karma Chameleon is with her other mother. I still visit sometimes. I pretty much feel the same about Louisville as you do about Cincy!

            Let’s be friends if you are ever in either town!

          • i lived in lexington, kentucky this summer (my family lives there) and i can attest that a) i was gay and there and b) there were other gays, mainly at coffee shops.

          • I wish I was omnipresent so that I could be friends with ALL of you! However, I am happy to see that, including myself, there are three lesbians in northern kentucky/cincinnati!!
            lezbefriends :)
            [email protected]

          • I’m thinking I might need to take a day trip to Louisville on Nov. 5th, because it’s Guy Fawkes Day (my favorite holiday) and I don’t have to work! Maybe we could meet up! Hookah, or coffee, or vintage record shopping?

            [email protected]

          • Gah, so my computer got all screwy and posted this at the very end:

            Love the Preds! I live in the boro and work in Nashville. Sadly I work Saturdays, so I’m gonna miss a lot of games this year. I’m starting to sense a need for a gay (and bi, or even just cool) gals hockey night this season ;)

            I’m here on facebook… Message me there if you want an email.
            http://www.facebook.com/ashleydburks

    • I’m about halfway between Nashville and Chattanooga! I need gay friends. I am one of two lesbians in my entire university!

        • I go to The University of the South: Sewanee. It looks like Hogwarts and I love it but there are no queers. My friends are really sweet and supportive but I really need to get away from the overwhelming straightness sometimes.

          • Hah, I think they’re in hiding. Some of my classmates from HS went there and I’m fairly sure a few of them were queer. Though, they probably would have all graduated by now (hopefully).

          • Hah yeah there are a couple closet cases. They’re all on the rugby team too. There’s one I have a crush on but I’m too shy to talk to her. When did your friends graduate? Maybe I knew them!

          • Well, we graduated hs in 2003, so if they were on the 4-year track, they prob. would have graduated from Sewanee in ’07. But I don’t think any of them played Rugby.

            I’m here on fb http://www.facebook.com/ashleydburks Maybe you’ll see a few familiar faces in my friends list? Tho I can’t remember if I’m actually friends with them on fb *shrug*

            And I want to visit that campus now that you said it looks like Hogwarts! *total HP nerd* >.<

  28. Haha. This is awesome. Too bad I live in a town that the baptist university has overrun so the gays don’t come out to play too often…or ever really.

  29. I love that everyone’s sharing their contact info but I am afraid you are going to end up making friends with spambots! Maybe consider writing your email address as “blahblah at gmail dot com” instead.

  30. Anyone from Illinois? I have zero gay lady friends in college besides my girlfriend haha. And she wasn’t gay in the first place. All of my friends in college are straight or gay boys. This needs to change… So holler at me [email protected]

  31. 50% of my gay friends are girls who I’ve dated / wanted to date / make eyes at me, and 50% I met through other means. Not sure how I feel about that.

    Anyway, for that latter 50% – this is article is great advice. Most straight people will try to hook you up with their gay cousin / niece / ex-coworker from high school – which might seem weird, but take them up on it! People are wonderful, you just need to meet them. Of course it helps if you live in places with more homos-per-capita, but if you don’t – all the more reason to not be shy. But if that’s more your speed, the internet is a great facilitator as well. You’re a big brave dog. You’re a big brave dog.

  32. hay gurl, u lukin qt w/that pillah. I wud kiss those eyes. ohh i wud kiss errthang on that fayse. u qt. asl? I liv in nashvill too gurl. 1422 n corris ave.

    • I just replied above so this is going to look mighty confusing, but I’m from Chicago even while I go to school in Philly. It’d definitely be awesome to have friends while I’m home. Where in the city are you? find me at: georgewithquestions at gmail dot com

        • I’m in the Chicago area as well and my gay lady friend moved to NOLA. Any specific places you guys like to go?

          • I’m in the suburbs! :D And I can’t go anywhere since I’m seventeen and don’t have any gay friends outside my high school who know all the cool places. :P

          • I’m in Chicago toooo! (well, Evanston, if you want to be technical) I would love to make some new queer lady friends, as the rainbow alliance on campus here is about 80% gay boys and 20% straight girls who just really like gay people (which is great, but, you know)
            christina.schonberg at gmail dot com, let’s hang out!

          • Awesome, thanks ladies. I’m on the north side of the city, for all who asked, not too far from evanston – but grad school often takes me further south. I’ll be sure to email – if you wanna contact me I’m: hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

          • Heh. Elan, I wonder whether we have mutual acquaintances in the group of gay-ladies-who-just-moved-to-Portland. (I wouldn’t be surprised — I feel like in just a couple short years I have come to tangentially know a ton of Chicago lesbians, despite not being much of a social butterfly.)

            Jules — if you’re into dancing and are of drinking age (or can pass for it), most of the monthly queer dance parties tend to be a pretty good bet for both making friends and making out, in my experience. I like FKA at Big Chicks, though sometimes it’s unpleasantly crowded. Queerer Park is probably my favorite; I like how it moves around a lot, it tends to wind up at fun/interesting spaces. Chances and Off-Chances can also be good — maybe not as easy to mingle though, if you don’t already know folks there.

            On the more cultural side of things, the Reeling film festival is happening for the next month or so — lots of lesbian movies (often of questionable quality, but some of them are good!) showing. Also, if you’re interested in queer, often-experimental literature, the monthly Uncalled-for reading series is fun and filled with smart friendly queers: http://uncalledforchicago.blogspot.com/.

          • Oh and also: if you are of the riot-grrrl-esque persuasion, there is this group called the Bloody Rag Collective which puts on shows for bands with women in them. (Like mine — we’re http://www.facebook.com/carefulq, and there tends to be a good handful of gay ladies in attendance at our shows.) They’re at myspace.com/bloodyragcollective.

          • omg. owls, yes, i’m pretty sure we’re talking about some of the same people, i believe you must tangentially know some of my friends who are still here, too. hopefully i’ll see you around if i haven’t already.

          • holy bejeezus. just visited your blog and realized we may in fact be in the same library program…though I doubt we’ve had any classes together, cause then id know you for sure. at any rate, several of the commenters here and i decided to do an autostraddle chicago get together this sunday before we all have to deal with the craziness of final papers, etc. if you’re interested email me at hanson.elan at gmail dot com.

          • I’ll have to check out your band one of these days…
            I’m def. of drinking age so I’ll also have to look into those events, even if it means showing up by myself!

  33. Whoa, this article is like ideal for where I am right now.
    I’m just coming out, and I would love nothing more than a wonderful, quirky ladygay posse!
    Savannah, GA, anyone??

  34. Who else is in NYC? I know there have to be more than three of us, right? Come out, come out where ever you are.

  35. I really like this article (especially the part about being honest and taking lots of anti-anxiety meds! words to live by!) Sometimes it seems like I have a hard time meeting potential friends because I’m not a student and I work with kids. But this is a nice reminder that there are literally a zillion other places to meet people. (Hi, want to be internet friends? mollyisreal at gmail dot com)

      • It’s safe to say you’re not the only homo in the vast country of Canada…I’m in Calgary, is anyone else out west?

      • HELL NO. Canada rules and is vastly under-rated. i mean i live there and i’m pretty awesome… amirite?!

        • WHOA THERE’S FOUR OF US, AWESOME

          It sucks cuz I’m in Halifax, and there are so many hipsters, and it messes with my gaydar like you wouldn’t believe.

          • The beaver’s on our money for a reason, right? And I hear you about the hipsters — Vancouver is RIFE with them.

          • Did someone say Vancougar? I have been here for 3 months and the closest I’ve been to a lesbian (knowingly) was when T&S played the Malkin Bowl. Where is everyone?

          • This is such a hard city to get to meet people. (I’m the same Sarah as above, just now I’ve gotten myself an account woo) I’ve made one friend and I’ve been living here for over a year and a half. I have my SO (and that’s something else — I’m bi and married to a dude, so sometimes I feel like I’ve given up my LadyLova card) and a buddy from home and my room mates, but…

          • Hi Stephanie – me too! Feel free to email me on info at cassiajewelry dot com, I don’t know where the girls are but if I found out I’ll let you know :)

          • It’s almost impossible, I feel like I’m trying to find a unicorn. Insert Autostraddle thread on meeting ladies with some 900 comments and there’s bound to be a few from Vancouver…. and hooray! Here we are.

            sarahlouwho… we sound like the same person.

            Vancouver hangouts?? stef_bot at hotmail dot com

          • @sarahlouwho, I plan to conquer Vancouver! If you’d like to join me sometime email info at cassiajewelry dot com

          • I am out of the country till the 9th of Nov (family emergency in Australia — I am typing this in the airport at 1:24 am. Ugh.) but I would love to hang after that! I’ll only be in Van for another three weeks after the ninth though, we’re going to be moving to Aus as soon as my visa comes through. I’d still love to hang!

          • YOU ARE SO CLOSE. And by that I mean I’m in CB. So we’re basically neighbors by Canadian standards, I guess.

          • i was just in halifax over the weekend! and i agree, there are a good amount of hipsters, but try living in montreal! so many cute girls with short hair that mess with my gaydar, it’s almost too painful to bear.

          • wow. I feel so selfish for complaining about the blurry hipster/lesbian distinction in Halifax, I forgot places like Montreal exist. Man, I feel for you.

          • Wooooo halifax! I just got here 2 months ago for school! Did you go to the It Gets Better Nova Scotia rally on the 20th by any chance?

            *is late for the party…*

          • Someone needs to check back if they don’t check the notifications box… (me!)

            We should have a Halifax get together.

            Maybe once in a neutral, well lit location with many people around. OR we could go all crazy with Lady Gaga Night @ Reflections Cabaret(!!!) on Nov 28th. I mean I have lots of classes and assignments piling up but it’s Lady Gaga night…

            Lady Gaga night would depend on everyone being 19+/fake ID of course. So maybe both…

            kelsey_777 (at) hotmail (dot) com

          • I’m from Halifax as well! A little late to the bandwagon, but whatever =] Was there ever a Halifax get together? There definitely should be.

      • also happen to be extremely disappointed with the election result. i’m from toronto, going to school in montreal, and we should start our own lesbians-against-ford movement. yes?

          • CHYEAHH MONTREAL. I go to mcgill and love montreal. Hit me up message at ali dot mac 55 @ hotmail dot com

        • hey i’m going to school in mtl also!

          dude don’t even get me started on ford.. quite ironic that conservative calgary voted for a visual minority who is progressive, eloquent, and educated, while ‘progressive’ toronto is now stuck with a single-agenda buffoon who has been arrested for pot possession, DUI, domestic violence, and throws tantrums and offensive displays to city council on a regular basis..

          ridiculous

          • I just don’t understand how he won! And how “respect the taxpayers” is a platform. And how he plans to actually do anything.

            Also: yay for toronto > school-in-montreal migration.

          • go toronto girls now in montreal! Ford = ignorant turd and i’m willing to back this up with some serious arguments! DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. also, let’s be pals? my email is posted ^ up thurrr a lil