8 Steps Every Girl Can Take to Get a Girl to Sleep Over

by Laneia & Riese, doodles by Taylor, except that one by Stef

If you’re a girl who likes girls, you probably want a girl to sleep over sometimes, right? But isn’t life wild? I mean aren’t things just so hard to control? Like, there’s nothing you can do about that haircut or your personality, but here are eight things that are completely within your control that anyone — ANYONE! — can do to increase your chances of getting a sleepover!


Live near where others work/play/school/fly

The quickest way to seduce a woman? “And I live like ten minutes from campus, so you can sleep in!” Or, “It’s only a hop, skip and a jump to Midtown from Morningside Heights!” If you’ve got a lady on your radar, proximity-to-airport is a good way to get her in your pants the night before an early flight. And it’s really easy to get people who live far away into your bed.

Bonus: If the two of you ever get together for reals like as GIRLFRIENDS, your place will always be the preferred crash-spot due to your optimal location.


Don’t provide any seating in your bedroom

This forces people to sit on your full-size bed, which gets them used to the idea of being in your bed. When it’s time to sleep over, staying in it won’t seem like such a big deal. After all, they’ve been on your bed for hours. What’s eight more?


NO PETS or, if Mr. Piddles is your only friend, Stock Up on Zyrtec

Look, your cat is really cute and obviously we love kittens, hello, and your dog is ADORBS, but! I think I speak for a lot of allergic-to-cat people when I say that there is no way in Hizzel I’m sleeping over at your place if your surfaces reveal excessive cat hair. If you insist upon keeping said cat, please choose your furnishings wisely, clean often, and keep allergy meds at the ready.


Keep one bottle of mildly respectable, widely-consumed
liquor or wine at all times

Why stay out and spend money when you could bring the party home, right? This doesn’t need to be expensive, but the bottle of wine should be unopened, for crying out loud.


Have ingredients for at least one filling snack

One word: quesadillas.


Forget About Pajamas

If she wants to clothe herself before bed, she’ll be choosing between baggy shorts or little shorts and tank tops or t-shirts. You can be creative here. Maybe all you have is this really thin white t-shirt or this even thinner white tank top? OH WELL I GUESS SHE’LL HAVE TO WEAR ONE OR THE OTHER.


Stock up on contact solution

If I had a penny for every time I heard the “I can’t, I need to take out my contacts” excuse or, consequentially, the next-day phone call of pain (“MY EYES ARE BURNING RED DEATH FROM LEAVING MY CONTACTS IN OVERNIGHT!” which sounds to me like “I will always associate sleeping with you with the day everyone thought I was crying.”), I’d be able to pay Visa for the glasses I’m wearing right now.

We don’t know the exact numbers but we’re guessing approximately 50% of all lesbians need to take out their contacts/didn’t bring their glasses. Always have it around and you can snap back to that lame-o excuse with, “Oh my ex/roommate/ex-roommate wears/wore contacts so I have some contact solution at home, actually.”


Extra Toothbrush

Girls like to have clean mouths, but if you have a stockpile of extra toothbrushes, you’re going to give the wrong impression. Keep ONE unopened toothbrush, ideally stored toward the back of a cabinet / drawer. Claim you received it from your mom last Christmas / Hanukkah / Other Special Day.

You got any tips?

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Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3036 articles for us.


  1. sorry about that i was still cracking up.”like,there’s nothing you can do about your haircut or your personality.” hilarious. i can personaliy attest to no.3 there’s nothing like having to rush to the hospital cause you sound like you’ve been smoking 20 packs a day for 25 yrs. and more importantly you cant breath.

  2. This was great! I especially liked the contact solution one. Do you really want to miss out on an opportunity like this just because of a little saline water? Extra solution at your home, even if you don’t need it, seems oh so harmless but is actually oh so genius!

  3. Living alone seems to work like a charm, you don’t even need any of these things.
    Also I see this conflicting with the Fashion post. I suspect women have slept over not just for sex but to pick off items of my clothing they’d been eyeing up.

  4. I usually try to help someone feel at ease.Having a great sense of humor is a plus. I listen to women. In less I’m in full on lust for someone, I usually invite them over for a home cooked meal. Being a great cook is another plus. At dinner I can usually decide if sex is going to happen and if sex is the only thing that can happen. By taking the time in a non-alcoholic, chill environment, I can figure out what’s what.

    Their are alot of std’s out there. I would advise all would be players to at least have a date to explore past sexual histories.

    Great list by the way!

  5. There’s another one–have dental dams in the side-table drawer. “I can’t stay, we have no protection…”

    I think the cat thing was genius. Just when I think I’m the only one left of the planet that is allergic to kitties, you all come along…

    I’ve missed AS

    • obviously i wrote that paragraph, laneia can handle cats LADIES JUST SO YOU KNOW. the cat thing drives me insane, b/c people act like you’re an asshole/hate their cat when no really, i don’t, cats look really nice and stuff, but if i touch that cat, and then i touch my eye, i will die. and if that cat gets up on me, and gets its hair all over my clothes, then i will have to put said clothes in a tightly-sealed plastic bag and not allow said clothes to interact with other clothing until they have been laundered. i actually specifically pick clothes i am ready to wash when heading to a catty locale. GOD LIFE IS SO HARD LEAH

      • I relate to everything you just said.
        When I was younger, I had friends with cats and could never sleep over. If I just visited them for a short period of time during the day, I had to take allergy medicine. It is good to raise awareness about cat allergies among queer women!
        My little sister, who loves celebrity gossip, was showing me photos of “Rob and Kristen’s Love Nest,” and I thought, “I love this house and would totes move in with them, only KStew has a cat so it couldn’t work out.” (This was the only thing standing in the way, of course. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind another roommate.)


    how about lighting, laneia? you know what’s obnoxious? girls whose bedrooms only have one light so it’s either superreallybright or too dark to see. also this means that they probably don’t read and that’s bad news.

  7. Another way to ensure women will come home? Be me.
    no, srsly. it works every time.

    Here’s why:
    I live in the center of the Green Light District, Downtown. (this sounds cooler than it is, which is also interesting to many womyn). I also live above a restaurant, so i don’t have to cook if i don’t want to.

    I have a futon, which always “inconveniently” has something taking up space and can’t be used for sitting.

    I have a cat, but clean after her maniacally.

    There is ALWAYS alcohol in my fridge, although little else.

    I have no closets (literally and pun intended) so my clothes are too confusing to look through and I can offer girls whatever i want (white t-shirt last night).

    My roommate actually does wear contacts, and we do keep extra toothbrushes for houseguests.

    True. Story.

  8. i love #3. THANKYOUFORNUMBER3. sooo many women are like, ‘hi here’s my pet that sleeps in the bed too’ and i’m like, ‘oh wait, i just remembered i forgot i have something to do now at 4am’.

  9. Ha, this totally posted a day late for me, and she actually cited the contact solution/case issue, but it didn’t stop her from sleeping over. She took one for the team. My team. :)

    Incidentally, I need to buy a contact case and some Renu. Just to have on hand. Just in case.

  10. This only works if it’s snowing. After you drop her off at her dorm, drive your car into a snow bank and get it stuck on purpose. Then go back to her dorm room and ask her if you can crash there because your car got stuck in the snow.

    • Hahahaha aaaand that’s how me and my ex slept together for the first time after just one date.
      She was working in a restaurant nearby my house and it started snowing and while texting I joked “Oh my god what if when you leave your car stops and you have no way of going home! I’ll have to save you!”
      Fast forward half an hour, her shift ended, she got in the car and (accidentally I hope) crashed it because of ice.
      She had to walk 2 km in the snow to my place and… the rest is history.

  11. I’ve got only one little sofa in my room, haha, so we have to sit close to each other the whole time.
    Which is also a good idea, even though… maybe I should try the bed thingy.

  12. This was pretty witty and not to mention useful. The whole contact solution thing, I can definitely relate. I remember spending the night at someone’s place and had no choice but to leave my contacts in. It was awful, looked like a zombie in the morning.

  13. The contact solution thing is completely fantastic advice. As someone who has used the contact excuse on several occasions, I can attest to the power of a potential partner with proper contact supplies.

  14. As a contact wearer I always bring a contact case with fluid already in it with me just in case the opportunity for sleepovers presents itself. Does that mean I’m a slut, or does it mean that “oh, I have contacts….” is an excuse?

  15. I went on a date with this girl I worked with and I had only seen her in work ,in her work uniform and when she came round mine that evening (I’m sorry I sound superficial) but she was wearing the worse thing I could ever imagine. I can’t describe it enough to make you aware of how bad.. it was all cream head to toe and big black clumpy heels like school shoes and it was creased and dirty. So I started crying eratically saying how much I missed my ex blah blah blah. The shame I know but she left and at least she left feeling like I was the loser and didn’t know that I’m really a superficial cow.

  16. Addition to #1: Live in a city where few drive but the public transit system has limited hours. Definitely had a convenient ‘sleep-over’ or two in Paris because the Metro stops running at 1 or 2 am.

    • if my crush and the girl she’s been seeing for a week (a week!!) went out to dinner on valentine’s day, what are the chances of me infiltrating? how hard should i lay on the flirtation? is accidentally making out with her in the library (like i’ve imagined) too much?

  17. now i’m wondering if other people have done the stuff on this list to me on purpose…i did not appreciate looking like a hairy werewolf in someone’s lavender minidress. really, you’ve got no other sleep clothes?

    but the alcohol thing squicks me out because it brings up consent issues. seriously, this list is pretty immature. if you don’t have the skills to have a conversation about it, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with anyone.

    • I think if both people are drinking then there is no consent issues. I would have to say 75% of the girls I “have sleepovers” with have been drinking not saying I get them drunk, thats just how it works out because im drinking and going to bar lots. I would have to say that I dont think it’s ok for someone sober to have a one night stand if the other person is realy drunk.

    • I really appreciate this comment as I was thinking about this the whole time I was reading this. Some of the items are very manipulative. especially the bed thing. and the pajamas thing. I think most of them could have been framed as “how to act like a mature adult and make your date’s sleepover experience more enjoyable”

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  19. There’s a glare on the TV in the living room– instead let’s watch the movie on my laptop in my room… too bad the heater’s broken, you can get under the covers if you want… ya sorry I only have this one sheet, but it’d probably be warmer scooting over here next to me…

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