8 Steps Every Girl Can Take to Get a Girl to Sleep Over

by Laneia & Riese, doodles by Taylor, except that one by Stef

If you’re a girl who likes girls, you probably want a girl to sleep over sometimes, right? But isn’t life wild? I mean aren’t things just so hard to control? Like, there’s nothing you can do about that haircut or your personality, but here are eight things that are completely within your control that anyone — ANYONE! — can do to increase your chances of getting a sleepover!

1

Live near where others work/play/school/fly

The quickest way to seduce a woman? “And I live like ten minutes from campus, so you can sleep in!” Or, “It’s only a hop, skip and a jump to Midtown from Morningside Heights!” If you’ve got a lady on your radar, proximity-to-airport is a good way to get her in your pants the night before an early flight. And it’s really easy to get people who live far away into your bed.

Bonus: If the two of you ever get together for reals like as GIRLFRIENDS, your place will always be the preferred crash-spot due to your optimal location.

2

Don’t provide any seating in your bedroom

This forces people to sit on your full-size bed, which gets them used to the idea of being in your bed. When it’s time to sleep over, staying in it won’t seem like such a big deal. After all, they’ve been on your bed for hours. What’s eight more?

3

NO PETS or, if Mr. Piddles is your only friend, Stock Up on Zyrtec


Look, your cat is really cute and obviously we love kittens, hello, and your dog is ADORBS, but! I think I speak for a lot of allergic-to-cat people when I say that there is no way in Hizzel I’m sleeping over at your place if your surfaces reveal excessive cat hair. If you insist upon keeping said cat, please choose your furnishings wisely, clean often, and keep allergy meds at the ready.

4

Keep one bottle of mildly respectable, widely-consumed
liquor or wine at all times

Why stay out and spend money when you could bring the party home, right? This doesn’t need to be expensive, but the bottle of wine should be unopened, for crying out loud.

5

Have ingredients for at least one filling snack

One word: quesadillas.

6

Forget About Pajamas

If she wants to clothe herself before bed, she’ll be choosing between baggy shorts or little shorts and tank tops or t-shirts. You can be creative here. Maybe all you have is this really thin white t-shirt or this even thinner white tank top? OH WELL I GUESS SHE’LL HAVE TO WEAR ONE OR THE OTHER.

7

Stock up on contact solution

If I had a penny for every time I heard the “I can’t, I need to take out my contacts” excuse or, consequentially, the next-day phone call of pain (“MY EYES ARE BURNING RED DEATH FROM LEAVING MY CONTACTS IN OVERNIGHT!” which sounds to me like “I will always associate sleeping with you with the day everyone thought I was crying.”), I’d be able to pay Visa for the glasses I’m wearing right now.

We don’t know the exact numbers but we’re guessing approximately 50% of all lesbians need to take out their contacts/didn’t bring their glasses. Always have it around and you can snap back to that lame-o excuse with, “Oh my ex/roommate/ex-roommate wears/wore contacts so I have some contact solution at home, actually.”

8

Extra Toothbrush


Girls like to have clean mouths, but if you have a stockpile of extra toothbrushes, you’re going to give the wrong impression. Keep ONE unopened toothbrush, ideally stored toward the back of a cabinet / drawer. Claim you received it from your mom last Christmas / Hanukkah / Other Special Day.
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You got any tips?


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Riese is the 36-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2509 articles for us.