Have you been wondering what the humans who put together your very favorite queer website want for the holigays? Wonder no more, my loves — we’ll spell it out for you! May this gift guide inspire you to ask for the gay enamel pins, the sensible socks, the political art, and the adorable waffle maker we all deserve in our wild and precious lives.
Vanessa, Community EditorSome of my goals for 2018 include relying on my phone less, continuing to be a very angry lesbian, supporting queer artists both with my words and my money, and hiking the Washington section of the Pacific Crest Trail (500ish miles). Believe it or not, these items will help me accomplish all these goals and more! I can stop using my phone as an alarm clock so the first thing I see every day is a cute pink clock and my girlfriend’s cute sleeping face, not ten million tiny nightmares via Twitter notifications. I can wear the Autostraddle Angry Lesbian pin and attract other angry lesbians and repel anyone who would be turned off by an angry lesbian. I can add a third unicorn mug to my collection and support the incredible queer artist who creates them (full disclosure, this artist – Alex Simon – is one of my closest friends and an absolute dream). And I can continue indulging in overpriced wool toe socks that honestly can only handle about 100 miles on trail before developing holes, but are also the only socks that have curbed my toe blisters entirely, so what are you gonna do. Yes, these four material objects will help me accomplish a lot of my goals for 2018 – they’re basically gonna change my whole life for the better.
Siobhan, Contributing WriterI’ve waited my entire life for it to be acceptable to wear iridescent sci-fi makeup as a day look so someone should probably stop me but also don’t. I spent my first Autostraddle paycheck on holographic lipstick and intend to continue looking as much like a threatening witch empress from outer space as possible in the year to come. Also someone should buy me that very expensive mug because I need it. No, I need it.
Erin, Staff WriterFinding a driving glove look that 1) fits properly 2) cuts before the wrist and 3) isn’t leather is a difficult task, unless you get latex gloves molded to your person. I will not be taking comments about these gloves, but I do think they would go great with the jacket above, so why not have a little fun today? Re: the DNA kit, someone recently asked about my ethnicity, like they couldn’t place something, as if I am not the most generically white set of features to have ever existed, and it made me curious to know more. This test would likely confirm my original assessment, but also give me what flavor of white, and based on these ancestral findings could also alert me to the kinds of health conditions associated with each genetic background. And what better way to spend the holidays than finding new things to worry about?
Tiara, Staff WriterI may seem to have expensive taste. But isn’t that the point of wishlists? You put your desires out there, from the feasible to the outlandish, and hope for something that comes a little bit close? I’m not necessarily expecting anyone to drop triple digits on me, but you never know.
I’ve been through a lot of personal and creative upheaval lately, good and bad, and would really love a reprieve, but they can get pricey. A Spafinder gift card of any amount will get me closer to making my inner spa bunny happy with multiple options to spend it on. There are quite a few games that have come out or will come out soon that I’m very interested in, but hardly any run on a Mac; the PS4 came highly recommended as a console that’d play the games I want while also having a great indie catalogue. I’ve been looking for a tablet-like device to work on while on the go, and the Surface Pro 3, even though it is a couple of versions old, is a reasonable combination of portability, power, and price, with the Windows OS allowing access to particular Windows-only programs related to my creative pursuits. I’ve been binge-watching the 80s/90s Square One kids’ Dragnet parody Mathnet lately and they’ve been wearing these asymmetrical shoulder holsters that carry calculators instead of guns, which I thought looked SO COOL – these came pretty close and seem rather practical! Lastly, besides being a spa bunny I’m also a nascent perfume enthusiast and BPAL has always been one of my faves – ideally I would like some kind of grab bag, because I’m indecisive like that, but I remember loving my vial of Lilith from long ago (when I was more actively working with Lilith the spiritual figure) and I’d love to be reunited with its rose, musk, and wine notes.
Heather Hogan, Senior EditorThis winter I am determined not to let the short, frigid days up here in the northeast rob me of my joy/the ability to get out of bed, which means I gotta stay on my bike no matter how cold it gets. When I’m inside, I sure do love the smell of some Book Lovers’ candles, especially the Old Books one (The Shire is a close second). I’ve been doing a lot of in-person work for Autostraddle this year and I think it’s time to have a professional bag to carry with me to my meetings and interviews, and I think it would be extra good with this 8-bit Introvert pin on the strap because it’s an outward manifestation of my actual inside heart.
Rachel, Managing EditorThe vibe for this winter is your spooky indoorsy friend (that’s me) staying in bed all weekend with a face mask reading books about ghosts. Maybe lighting a scented candle, maybe bringing a cup of coffee to rest on this sweet lap desk. In theory the lap desk could also be put on top of a regular desk to create a standing desk situation, but let’s be real, that would involve getting out of bed. Honestly this might be the vibe for all of 2018, stay tuned to find out.
Valerie Anne, TV Writer/Social Media Co-EditorI’ve spent the past year really embracing my misandrist/feminist killjoy self and have so many queer/feminist/nerd t-shirts I could make a quilt, so as it gets colder, I’m not thrilled about having to cover them up. This winter I want to wrap myself in my ideals and stay warm while smashing the patriarchy, and I want a misandrist pin to put on my jacket for when it’s too cold for just a badass sweatshirt. (A second one…I already have one on my puffy vest.) I know the backpack isn’t on theme, I just thought it would be fun to have Wonder Woman protecting my books and belongings.
Nora, Fashion & Beauty EditorMy plans this holiday season include staying in to read about queers of the past, and going out in a getup that screams “queer of the future”! Conveniently for me, the Vespervibrator necklace is perfect for both those occasions.
KaeLyn, Staff WriterI’m in a wonderfully strange place in my life right now, but who isn’t? Having a little Korean baby person has made me have all sorts of weird feelings about being a KAD and about work/life balance and about my evolving role in resisting the kyriarchy. So, like, I really want to learn how to cook Korean food, for me and for Remi. I barely know anything about Korean food! Or cooking! So this cookbook for the “home cook” feels like an accessible place to start. I’m also wanting this cute pizza rolls tee for Remi because our skin tone looks so good in yellow, seriously, and also she needs to start fighting the patriarchy early and often. I used to have this truly epic button collection on my messenger bag in college (that now adorns my office wall). Now, I want to start an epic enamel pin collection and I’ve been coveting the Hard Femme pin for so long. It seems like the right place to start. This fucking candle: I loooooove it. I usually snatch my DW rose oud candles on the cheap at TJ Maxx because they’re so damn expensive, but I haven’t found any there in ages. The scent reminds me of my favorite place and it smells like opulence and lust and femme power top beauty. Lastly, I’ve fully committed to finding and/or creating more QTPOC spaces in my life and surrounding myself with QTPOC art and beauty and knowledge and laughs. I’ve been waiting for the America trade to come out and I need to have it in my life immediately. Like right the fuck now.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Staff WriterI spend a lot of time in my kitchen, yet I still don’t have many nice things in my kitchen because I have moved so much in the past few years and also always have roommates (New York!), so sometimes my kitchen space doesn’t really feel like it’s totally my own. But hopefully my girlfriend and I will be able to afford our own place soon, and I want to have nice things for it! Mugs are something I can never have enough of. I am obsessed with the work of Sam Lee and ceramics in general (especially ceramics made by WOC). In addition to some ceramic stuff for my kitchen, I want this sweater that looks like a robe because I wear a lot of loungewear. Also, did you know that The Odyssey has been translated into English by a woman FOR THE FIRST TIME?
Raquel Breternitz, Staff WriterI just moved to a new city and a new place, and so one of my big priorities right now is to make my space feel like home: cozy, artful, and full of life and color. I’m trying to work my way up to making a mini indoor pond. Really, I’m a sucker for beautiful objects, so this is a great excuse to indulge that feeling. Also, did you know you can buy plants off the internet???
Alexis, Staff WriterI’m a simple boi with simple tastes. And I know the zombie robot apocalypse is imminent so I’d like a solar charged battery for my phone and laptop so I can still keep up with AS, a BB-8 to keep my spirits up, a Rasperry Pi Touch screen cause even though I’ve gotten a Pi and made a retro game console with it (!!!) I feel like the touchscreen would help me do more Mr. Robot-esque things, these two prints to help me to remember who the fuck I am, and Moonlight for tenderness and love and beauty and grace.
Natalie, Staff Writer2017 has been hard. While living in North Carolina prepared me for some of it, having a president who could doom us all to die in a nuclear war because someone called him old requires a more advanced set of coping mechanisms. So my holigays list is devoted to the things that bring me the most comfort: cooking, listening to music and tuning out all the noise around me, activism (via t-shirt), Obama nostalgia, and writing.
Yvonne, Senior EditorWhat I want for the holigays this year are things that will help me continue to be a Boss Bitch in life. I moved into a new apartment a couple of months ago and still haven’t quite finished decorating my office space. It feels like it’s missing something and I think it’s this inspirational felt taco pendant! Latina lesbian media maven Jeanne Cordova was a badass and basically the foremother of what I do professionally, so it’s time for me to read her book. And I want to get my shit together for 2018 and get a new planner! What I like most about the Self Journal is that it prioritizes gratitude which I know for a fact helps me not spiral into the abyss. I will do all this by looking so good in these Tomboy Toes boots and these simple gold stud earrings! My brown Steve Madden combat boots are old and so beat up and I’m so sad about it. I want new boots that are versatile enough for everyday wear and dressing up. Also I asked for simple gold stud earrings last Christmas and my sister delivered and got a pair for me but they only lasted a few months before the backs broke. I really want actual gold earrings so that way they’re more durable and I’ll take better care of them!
Alaina, Staff WriterI am… a stereotype of myself at times, especially when it comes to making gift lists. I want a tech organizer so I can drop my phone off at the front door in style and have a place to conveniently charge my Fitbit. I want a dedicated sugar spoon that stays in the jar so I don’t ever have to wash a dish before I’ve had coffee again. Plus it says naughty, which frankly, is hilarious. I want a collar clip so I can teach in style, and because I look good in gold. I need this blender/food processor/spiralizer because the only way I’ll be convinced to do food prep is if I get a bunch of cool tools to help with food prep. And I want a leather strap because of course I want a leather strap.
Mey Rude, Trans EditorI’m a cowgirl. When I was a little girl growing up in Idaho, we used to have Rodeo Queens come and speak to our classes and I always dreamed of being one, even though I knew boys like the one I thought I was could never do that. I know, I was a very cute little kid. So, anyway, now that I’ve moved out of Idaho and into LA, I’m feeling the need to reclaim that cowgirl lifestyle. So that’s what I want for Christmas: things that will help my outside look like the rodeo queen/Kacey Musgraves-esque pop star cowgirl that I’ve always been inside. I recently bought a really stylish white cowboy hat at a thrift store here in town, so I’ve already got that covered. And I already have tons of hankies, but I really, really need a beige one.
Carmen Phillips, Staff WriterLately, I’ve been learning the importance of self-care routines. They can take on a lot of forms. For me, one of those forms has been setting aside an extra hour a week to pamper my body. It feels self-indulgent in ways that I generally shy away from. But, the routine forces me to see that I am valuable. That I deserve to be cared for in both little and big ways. So, once a week I take a longer than usual shower, put on my warmest, coziest, grandma robe, soft pajamas, and go to town.
I’ve been on a kick about good facial skin care, especially sheet masks, and desperately want to try this one from GlamGlow. They say it’s like a bubble bath FOR YOUR FACE!! My hair is naturally incredibly dry and benefits from a deep conditioner once a week. I have nothing but the highest of praise for SheaMoisture’s Honey Hydration Masque. Finally, what’s a good pampering session without a nail polish change? In unicorn colors!! Yes, please. Top that off with a new book or a nice streaming mini-binge. When I’m done, I always feel ready for my best night’s sleep and fortified to handle another week. (Pssst… if you decide to wear these adorable slippers that are shaped like bear paws, I won’t tell. You do you!)
Laura M., Staff WriterHonestly, this has been the best year of my life and I feel like I have everything I want/need. You could buy me some colored gel pens, though! I’ve started bringing in those Paper Mates to use at work, and you can never really have too many.
Molly Priddy, Staff WriterI’m a lady of many simple desires. I like the moon, and I find its light comforting, just like I find the rivers and waterways of Montana to be as calming and soothing as my own pulse in my veins. Whether I’m exploring in the outdoors or hunkering down inside, warm, dry feet are a must, so good wool socks are worth their weight in gold or more – you try being in the backcountry warming up your feet with a gold brick, and you’ll want the socks instead. But if I have to be inside, I want to be playing Mortal Kombat on my PS4, because FINISH HIM!!!!! And while I’m puttering around, either cleaning or organizing or preparing for my next adventure, music is a must, and music through Bose speakers is perfection.
Casey, Contributing WriterAs your friendly neighborhood lesbrarian, I will surprise no one in my holigay choices of books and book-related things. I mean, how do I not already own the Read a Fucking Book pin? As for the books: someone recently recommended Spell on Wheels to me as BFF witches go on a road trip to solve a magical mystery and I said, why don’t I have this in my life? Apparently there are also bisexual and lesbian characters! You know who convinced me I need to own I Hate Everyone But You? Gaby Dunn herself, in this piece for Autostraddle The Bisexual Character in My YA Novel Isn’t Perfect — Which is Perfect. And last, I loved Samantha Irby’s latest essay collection We Are Never Meeting in Real Life so much and laughed and cried that I feel compelled to have everything she has ever written on my bookshelves.
Carrie, Staff WriterSo my big thing is that I’m moving from Los Angeles to Washington, DC for a job in the new year. Goals include changing the world, maintaining good health, dressing well enough that people find me slightly intimidating in meetings, and surviving the winter. (I know everyone says Mid-Atlantic winters only kind of suck, but keep in mind where I’m from.) Each gift here is designed to help me on my way. The Boyega ensemble from Wildfang is the suit I deserve to wear to my first meeting with a Congressperson (I look great in red). HelloFresh addresses the fact that the busier I get, the worse I am about cooking and the sadder my wallet becomes. Given that this job is absolutely going to kick my ass, I think it might be time to invest in a meal delivery service. I hate grocery shopping even in mild weather so having the right amount of ingredients come to my door a couple times a week seems ideal. And the Wully Outerwear Doe Parka at least seems like the coat of my dreams: excessively warm (Canadian-made, does not mess around), ethical (all of Wully’s clothes are vegan and a portion of the proceeds goes to animal charities), and stylish (the LINING). It clocks right in at the Holy Shit This Better Be Good price point, but this is an Autostraddle Gift Guide, where we can all live our dreams.
A.E. Osworth, Staff WriterThe name of the gayme this year is Masculine Nerd Witch Vibes. Basically I want to wear all black and play Dungeons and Dragons like an 80s Mom’s worst nightmare. There’s a new fifth edition expansion to the rules and I run two, count ’em, TWO queer-writer-centric D&D campaigns (one good campaign, one…er…morally questionable campaign). I’ve also been reading Basic Witches and it’s inspired me to clothe myself in the darkness. I rarely wear black and I really want to start! So the chukka boots and the velvet blazer are my attempt. I also got myself this witch hand keychain from Buried Diamond earlier this year when I moved and I have basically been using it as a Protection and Safety amulet, so! I want one I can wear on my body, and absent witch hand collar pins, I will happily wear me some regular hand collar pins. Last, but certainly not least, I want to expand my ever-expanding tarot deck collection. The Holly Simple Tarot is the perfect compliment to my existing collection AND my Masculine-Witch-Meets-Human-Cartoon aesthetic.
Riese, Editor-in-Chief“Band of Gold,” a British series from 1994 about sex workers that allegedly includes and unfortunately kills some queer female characters, will def be terrible/awesome, even though I’ll have to move to the UK in order to watch the second and third season. Surely there’s a cheaper copy of 1979’s “Eye to Eye: Portraits of Lesbians, Photographs by JEB” than this one? Scan your local garage sales, ladies. Glossier has a nice font and a solid reputation for fixing faces. Speaking of aging, I’ve acquired a strange fixation on sock/shirt alignment, and I’m always on the hunt for more Lavender Menace purple.
Also, what if I had the standing desk recommended by Wirecutter along with the Ergodriven Topo recommended by Wirecutter? I’d be so healthy and good at my job.
Jenna, Contributing WriterMy wish list theme this year is treat yo’self. If the world ends soon (increasingly plausible), I figure I should enjoy it now. Do I need any of these things? No. But the tie and swim trunks are really cute. I’ve only had one experience with a VR game and I’d like to try again (without punching someone). And D20 waffles seem like an ideal breakfast.
Laneia, Executive EditorWe have dishes, we have a million dishes, and they all do exactly what they’re supposed to do. It’s fine. But! These dishes are stoneware, which elevates my food and my mood. Relatedly, it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with this feeling but I have to admit that I do, in fact, want a freaking Instant Pot. And what’s a pressure cooker without pressure cooker recipes? (The answer is ‘a slow cooker,’ but that’s not the point.) I REALLY miss looking through actual cookbooks. Feed the Resistance is by Julia Turshen, whom you may know is married to Grace Bonney from Design Sponge and is also a brilliant chef and cookbook writer (she even contributed a recipe for our Friendsgiving Challenge!). Noel au Balcon was my favorite scent from The Dry Down’s fall sample set: it makes me feel like it’s snowing outside and you’ve got nowhere to be. Which is to say, it makes me feel like life is perfect.
Bren, Emotional Support AnimalI read somewhere, probably on Autostraddle dot com (or maybe I heard it on NPR, definitely one of the two), that true, lasting happiness comes from doing things rather than having things. I mean you’ve got to have SOME things to be happy, like food and shelter and dark chocolate, but beyond that, more things don’t necessarily equal more happiness. But doing things and the memories of doing these new and/or fun things with people that we love or just by ourselves (you do you) stay with us longer than material things. I could buy a Snickers and thoroughly enjoy the three seconds it takes me to eat the Snickers, but then it’s gone. That was a damn good three seconds, but then what? On the other hand if I buy ingredients for a dessert and spend an afternoon with my wife making tiny individual pecan pies for every person at Friendsgiving, then there will always be the memory of when I mistook the flour for the sugar and how hilarious it was to put a dollop of Cool Whip in the center of each pie so they looked like little boobies. So this year I’m focusing on doing things. And these are some things that I’d like to do in the coming months/year. Giants 2018!
Audrey, Contributing WriterI’ve been all over the place recently, mentally and literally, and this year my Christmas list is all about things that will make life easier. Like, the only potato masher we have is really a rice masher and it does weird things to the skins when I mash them and I don’t like it! I want to be a person that rides my bike but I don’t always have time to go to the bike shop to air up my tires even though it’s free! And hey, maybe Wynn and I just want to be able to make smoothies and gluten free pie crusts sometimes. Finally, if I didn’t have books on my list my mother would think I was kidnapped by aliens so I gotta stay consistent. Happy holigays, nerds.
Reneice, Staff WriterI’ve decided 2018 will be my year of the Traveling Mommi. I have friends all over the world that I’ve promised to visit for years but I’ve never actually done it, so this year it’s on. Everything on my wishlist is meant to give me the air of the jet setting mommi who dresses stylishly casually with a little secret sexiness for security and the flight, and somehow looks refreshed and energized stepping off the plane while everyone else is tired and dehydrated. I’d also like literally everything in Erin’s Mommi Holigay Gift Guide. Oh, and the rug is just for at-home luxury photo shoots.
Neesha, Staff WriterWinter in the Pacific Northwest is all about staying warm and dry while pining for the sun to come back in the spring. I’m going on my fourth year here, and I’m still mastering how to create androgynous femme looks that are comfortable, practical, and stylish all at the same time. This holiday season, I’m hoping for gifts of clothes that are cute and cozy, as well as good books and music to get me through Seattle’s gray and rainy months.
Carolyn, NSFW Editor & Literary EditorI’m really conceptually into the idea of weighted blankets because sometimes you just want to be held down, you know? I moved and my house is coming together but it’s not totally together (same tbh). So far this has meant a lot of considering aesthetic decisions and then not making them but I think I’m ready to get a rug, especially since it’s still pretty echoey in here and I want to visually define the living room. I think I’m ready to be a plant person, or at least experiment deeply with being a plant person, or at least look at planters and own a few and decide whether or not to put plants in them later. I’m also ready to have some lighting. Probably.
Cee, Tech DirectorI’ve been crafting a lot this fall. Macramé has been a really fun new hobby, and that cord looks really pretty. I also still sew a lot and would like to upgrade my sewing machine to something a bit better. The tack rivets are so I can add suspender buttons to my pants without having to sew buttons on them, because I really hate sewing buttons yet I love button suspenders. The bird feeder is for my cats. Oh and I already bought the boots while writing this gift guide because there were only two pairs left in my size. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Alyssa, Comic ArtistI’m so bad at wish lists but, I’ll give it a go! I’ve been dreaming of overalls for a really long time, and these might be the perfect pair. I tend to like thoughtful little things over fancy spends, and thought this super gay card was super rad. I’m obsessed with pretty much everything Seagrape but this candle is A+++. Basically I just am forever wanting black clothes and cute little “aww you care” type things. Tender, I know. Also, I’d love to get back on my Vitamix grind. I lost mine in the fire.
Archie, Saturday Morning CartoonistMy life right now is mostly a mess of working 12 hours a day followed by getting sweaty and messy at gay clubs. I think my gift ideas reflect this unhealthy lifestyle that I, a Taurus, refuse to change. Look, I already have two leopard print mesh shirts and one solid leopard print jacket, but I honestly, truly, in my heart-of-hearts, know I need more leopard print. And what better way to manifest my intentions of what I want from this world than a Yes Cruising, PrEP, and Poppers pin set?? ALSO that Doritos Dash Button does not mean I’m depressed, it just means that life it too hard to go to the store for the entirety of the rest of the winter.
Stef, Vapid Fluff EditorIt will probably tell you a lot about my life that I am currently wishing for a SAD lamp and the strongest coffee on earth, but here we are. Once I get those things sorted, I’d really like to actually have fun with my life, which is why I will probably need this incredible Nosferatu shower curtain and the endless delight that is a LARGE SUPPLY OF GOOGLY EYES. Also, I’m pretty sure I recommended these gorgeous, sparkly guitar straps last year, but I got the one I wanted last year and still want more. I’ll keep recommending them until they endorse me.
Cameron, Saturday Morning CartoonistThis holiday season I am acknowledging my SAD and my Taurus rising and allowing space for the (huge) part of me that hates everything about winter and the cold that blows in with it. This wishlist’s theme is self-soothing and a full commitment to hibernating. This calls for a weighted blanket so that I can blame not wanting to get out of bed on the fact that oh no this blanket is so HEAVY how could I POSSIBLY leave this beautiful nest I’ve created for myself?? Then of course I need a duvet cover because that seems like a stylish adult choice. It’s chambray! Chambray is fancy doing casual and I’m all about casual. The record player… look, I don’t know. I don’t own any vinyl, I don’t particularly care about care about vinyl vs. digital vs. whatever. But you know what sounds like it’d be really great for anxiety (and really awful for depression)? Listening to two hollowing Julien Baker songs on loop and watching the record spin until the sun finally comes out again. The star map is for ambience. The perfumes are just cool. They’re all based on the vibe this person who formulated them got from parts of books. There’s a huge variety of floral, earthy, fruity, and fresh scents for whatever your preference or presentation! Okay and to be totally frank with you, the linen-scented candle is a pragmatic work-around. You know, for when I inevitably forget to do laundry but want the clean, room-filling olfactory reward anyway. I’m not perfect. Bah humbug, good luck.
Sarah, Business & Design DirectorFor me, 2018 is all about new beginnings, and I guess this is a sort of tool kit to allow them to flourish. This bright linen comforter from Anthropologie will be the perfect sunny spot to sink into each night, especially when alit by this glorious neon banana. Since I’m actually keeping up with my yoga practice these days, I can probably stop using the mat that’s been scratched to death by my cat, and replace it with this deliciously thick reversible mat from Lululemon. Also, when I conquer the world, I’m going to need strong brows on my face and feminist philosophy in my hands.
Thinking of buying gifts from the Autostraddle Store?
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Dec 13th—UPS First Class*
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