Autostraddle’s Ultimate Team Holigay Gift Guide 2017: Everything We Want Besides World Peace and Impeachment

Laneia, Executive Editor

We have dishes, we have a million dishes, and they all do exactly what they’re supposed to do. It’s fine. But! These dishes are stoneware, which elevates my food and my mood. Relatedly, it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with this feeling but I have to admit that I do, in fact, want a freaking Instant Pot. And what’s a pressure cooker without pressure cooker recipes? (The answer is ‘a slow cooker,’ but that’s not the point.) I REALLY miss looking through actual cookbooks. Feed the Resistance is by Julia Turshen, whom you may know is married to Grace Bonney from Design Sponge and is also a brilliant chef and cookbook writer (she even contributed a recipe for our Friendsgiving Challenge!). Noel au Balcon was my favorite scent from The Dry Down’s fall sample set: it makes me feel like it’s snowing outside and you’ve got nowhere to be. Which is to say, it makes me feel like life is perfect.


Bren, Emotional Support Animal

I read somewhere, probably on Autostraddle dot com (or maybe I heard it on NPR, definitely one of the two), that true, lasting happiness comes from doing things rather than having things. I mean you’ve got to have SOME things to be happy, like food and shelter and dark chocolate, but beyond that, more things don’t necessarily equal more happiness. But doing things and the memories of doing these new and/or fun things with people that we love or just by ourselves (you do you) stay with us longer than material things. I could buy a Snickers and thoroughly enjoy the three seconds it takes me to eat the Snickers, but then it’s gone. That was a damn good three seconds, but then what? On the other hand if I buy ingredients for a dessert and spend an afternoon with my wife making tiny individual pecan pies for every person at Friendsgiving, then there will always be the memory of when I mistook the flour for the sugar and how hilarious it was to put a dollop of Cool Whip in the center of each pie so they looked like little boobies. So this year I’m focusing on doing things. And these are some things that I’d like to do in the coming months/year. Giants 2018!


Audrey, Contributing Writer

I’ve been all over the place recently, mentally and literally, and this year my Christmas list is all about things that will make life easier. Like, the only potato masher we have is really a rice masher and it does weird things to the skins when I mash them and I don’t like it! I want to be a person that rides my bike but I don’t always have time to go to the bike shop to air up my tires even though it’s free! And hey, maybe Wynn and I just want to be able to make smoothies and gluten free pie crusts sometimes. Finally, if I didn’t have books on my list my mother would think I was kidnapped by aliens so I gotta stay consistent. Happy holigays, nerds.


Reneice, Staff Writer

I’ve decided 2018 will be my year of the Traveling Mommi. I have friends all over the world that I’ve promised to visit for years but I’ve never actually done it, so this year it’s on. Everything on my wishlist is meant to give me the air of the jet setting mommi who dresses stylishly casually with a little secret sexiness for security and the flight, and somehow looks refreshed and energized stepping off the plane while everyone else is tired and dehydrated. I’d also like literally everything in Erin’s Mommi Holigay Gift Guide. Oh, and the rug is just for at-home luxury photo shoots.


Neesha, Staff Writer

Winter in the Pacific Northwest is all about staying warm and dry while pining for the sun to come back in the spring. I’m going on my fourth year here, and I’m still mastering how to create androgynous femme looks that are comfortable, practical, and stylish all at the same time. This holiday season, I’m hoping for gifts of clothes that are cute and cozy, as well as good books and music to get me through Seattle’s gray and rainy months.


Carolyn, NSFW Editor & Literary Editor

[1] Weighted Blanket ($129, varies), [2] Restoration Vintage Rug – Safavieh ($123 for the 4×6), [3] Cacti Pots ($14), [4] Adesso Grayson Lamp ($116).

I’m really conceptually into the idea of weighted blankets because sometimes you just want to be held down, you know? I moved and my house is coming together but it’s not totally together (same tbh). So far this has meant a lot of considering aesthetic decisions and then not making them but I think I’m ready to get a rug, especially since it’s still pretty echoey in here and I want to visually define the living room. I think I’m ready to be a plant person, or at least experiment deeply with being a plant person, or at least look at planters and own a few and decide whether or not to put plants in them later. I’m also ready to have some lighting. Probably.


Cee, Tech Director

[1] Frye Boots ($229), [2] Speckled Macramé Cord ($59.99), [3] Tack Rivets ($12.99), [4] Singer 7258 Sewing Machine ($170.85), [5] The Riot Grrrl Collection ($27.21), [6] Copper Bird Feeder ($15.99).

I’ve been crafting a lot this fall. Macramé has been a really fun new hobby, and that cord looks really pretty. I also still sew a lot and would like to upgrade my sewing machine to something a bit better. The tack rivets are so I can add suspender buttons to my pants without having to sew buttons on them, because I really hate sewing buttons yet I love button suspenders. The bird feeder is for my cats. Oh and I already bought the boots while writing this gift guide because there were only two pairs left in my size. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Alyssa, Comic Artist

I’m so bad at wish lists but, I’ll give it a go! I’ve been dreaming of overalls for a really long time, and these might be the perfect pair. I tend to like thoughtful little things over fancy spends, and thought this super gay card was super rad. I’m obsessed with pretty much everything Seagrape but this candle is A+++. Basically I just am forever wanting black clothes and cute little “aww you care” type things. Tender, I know. Also, I’d love to get back on my Vitamix grind. I lost mine in the fire.


Archie, Saturday Morning Cartoonist

My life right now is mostly a mess of working 12 hours a day followed by getting sweaty and messy at gay clubs. I think my gift ideas reflect this unhealthy lifestyle that I, a Taurus, refuse to change. Look, I already have two leopard print mesh shirts and one solid leopard print jacket, but I honestly, truly, in my heart-of-hearts, know I need more leopard print. And what better way to manifest my intentions of what I want from this world than a Yes Cruising, PrEP, and Poppers pin set?? ALSO that Doritos Dash Button does not mean I’m depressed, it just means that life it too hard to go to the store for the entirety of the rest of the winter.


Stef, Vapid Fluff Editor

It will probably tell you a lot about my life that I am currently wishing for a SAD lamp and the strongest coffee on earth, but here we are. Once I get those things sorted, I’d really like to actually have fun with my life, which is why I will probably need this incredible Nosferatu shower curtain and the endless delight that is a LARGE SUPPLY OF GOOGLY EYES. Also, I’m pretty sure I recommended these gorgeous, sparkly guitar straps last year, but I got the one I wanted last year and still want more. I’ll keep recommending them until they endorse me.


Cameron, Saturday Morning Cartoonist

This holiday season I am acknowledging my SAD and my Taurus rising and allowing space for the (huge) part of me that hates everything about winter and the cold that blows in with it. This wishlist’s theme is self-soothing and a full commitment to hibernating. This calls for a weighted blanket so that I can blame not wanting to get out of bed on the fact that oh no this blanket is so HEAVY how could I POSSIBLY leave this beautiful nest I’ve created for myself?? Then of course I need a duvet cover because that seems like a stylish adult choice. It’s chambray! Chambray is fancy doing casual and I’m all about casual. The record player… look, I don’t know. I don’t own any vinyl, I don’t particularly care about care about vinyl vs. digital vs. whatever. But you know what sounds like it’d be really great for anxiety (and really awful for depression)? Listening to two hollowing Julien Baker songs on loop and watching the record spin until the sun finally comes out again. The star map is for ambience. The perfumes are just cool. They’re all based on the vibe this person who formulated them got from parts of books. There’s a huge variety of floral, earthy, fruity, and fresh scents for whatever your preference or presentation! Okay and to be totally frank with you, the linen-scented candle is a pragmatic work-around. You know, for when I inevitably forget to do laundry but want the clean, room-filling olfactory reward anyway. I’m not perfect. Bah humbug, good luck.


Sarah, Business & Design Director

[1] Relaxed Cotton-Linen Duvet Cover ($198), [2] Banana Neon Sign ($69), [3] Lululemon Yoga Mat in Garnet/Bordeaux ($68), [4] Boy Brow in Black by Glossier ($16), [5] The Ethics of Ambiguity by Simone de Beauvoir ($12.97).

For me, 2018 is all about new beginnings, and I guess this is a sort of tool kit to allow them to flourish. This bright linen comforter from Anthropologie will be the perfect sunny spot to sink into each night, especially when alit by this glorious neon banana. Since I’m actually keeping up with my yoga practice these days, I can probably stop using the mat that’s been scratched to death by my cat, and replace it with this deliciously thick reversible mat from Lululemon. Also, when I conquer the world, I’m going to need strong brows on my face and feminist philosophy in my hands.


Thinking of buying gifts from the Autostraddle Store?

To get your deliveries in time for the holidays make sure to place your order by

Dec 13th—UPS First Class*
Dec 15th—USPS Priority Mail/UPS Ground*

*These dates are for domestic orders–we have no guarantee for international orders, so get ‘em in early heartstrings! ♡

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33 Comments

  1. I had to google KAD and for a while I was very confused. I’m pretty sure KaeLyn wasn’t referring to “kiss a dick”, skin whitening products or the Kansas Association of the Death.
    Korean adoptee made way more sense. I wish people didn’t use so many acronyms…

  2. so. many. queer. pins.

    I WANT THEM ALL!

    but also seriously, i’m always like “man i am so bad at putting together a wish list” and then this post came along and i’m like “HELLO GIRLFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND’S EXTENDED FAMILY, I HAVE 7283 NEEDS THIS HOLIGAY SEASON.” oops.

  3. Stef! I got that googly eye set about 3 years ago and it is the gift that keeps on giving!!! It has brought me so much joy!! I just about need to get a new set cause I’m running out of everything but the super tiny ones.

  4. Tiarra not sure exactly where you are but, I would also look at the Lenovo Miix 700, it’s internals are close to the Surface Pro 4, but comes with the keyboard standard, and many retailers bundle it with the pen(which is slightly better tech than the SP3) and in the US seen it go as low as $430 mew on Amazon.

    Erin I had family members do 23&me DNA testing and lets just say if you are Middle Eastern or nearby the results are very generic. Both literally just said Middle Eastern, no specific part or country at all. I also have friends who did it and it was was specific with them as they have European ancestry and it was very good about that, including mention they have Native genes from Russian(like Inuit but from Russia).

    • I’m not necessarily suggesting you look into an Xbox One versus a PS4 (I’ve got both, but there are some amazing PS4 exclusives…which is why I have it…hello, Horizon Zero Dawn), but if you are getting a computer that is on Windows 10 there are some connectivity perks between the XB1 game system and the computer. I don’t know all the details, but something about being able to play console games on your computer, etc. Just a note.

  5. RIESE I AM SO EXCITED YOU WILL BE WATCHING BAND OF GOLD.

    I have no idea how badly it has aged but it has some really great actresses in it, also Lena Headey as queer teen dominatrix.

    I will also gladly send you season 3 if you want it, although it does go downhill a bit after the first season, but I think that’s the one with the trans character, possibly the first I ever saw on TV!

    SPOILER: there is lots of sadness.

    Also, I’m suddenly concerned that my mum let me watch a programme about prostitutes getting murdered when I was twelve.

  6. I’m so happy to see someone mention Mr Robot here even in passing, as it’s my favourite show and I feel like I never see it mentioned outside of fan spaces? Also! The America trade is incredible and so healing to read as a WLW (and I’m sure as a woman of colour also).

  7. I just want to compliment whoever did the graphic design on those images, because it is very pleasing to look at! Chevrons foreverrrr.

    Also, that quartz cluster mug is the most impractical thing I’ve ever seen and I LOVE IT.

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