Mommi Is the New Daddy

by erin sullivan and kayla upadhyaya

Unless you’ve been fully logged off for the past two years, the term Daddy has at some point made its way into your internet experience. Daddy, we’ve learned, can be for anything. People can be Daddy. Concepts can be Daddy. A large tree you find appealing can be Daddy. Which is why trying to describe exactly what Daddy means becomes complicated. Its definition seems to best reveal itself through context clues, and so maybe it’s easiest to say that Daddy is a feel. And while Daddy has had a solid run, we’re happy to announce Daddy has been temporarily benched.

Introducing: Mommi.

Like Daddy, Mommi has always existed — and exists separately from Mommy and Mami, which are their own things — it’s just finally getting the recognition it deserves. “Oh, perfect, another wildly specific internet thing to not understand.” That’s you staring at your screen right now. But don’t feel overwhelmed. Kayla and I consider ourselves not just Mommi admirers, but Mommi experts, and we’re here to explain it for you in the best way that all ideas get fleshed out: through a series of g-chats.

Mommi Mood Boards



What We Mean When We Say Mommi


E: is mommi a state of mind

E: or a state of being

K: state of being

K: lifestyle

E: which consists of

E: luluemon clothing for sure

K: yes luluemon. maxi dresses. impossibly big purses. impossibly big sunglasses.

K: screenshots from every episode of big little lies, the mommiest tv show

E: screenshots of texts ABOUT big little lies

E: is also mommi

K: omg omg


E: blazer no shirt… mommi

E: however, take the sleeves off the blazer and it’s no longer mommi


K: this rest stop in connecticut is crawlin with mommis

E: connecticut is the one state i’d guess for that


E: mommiest l word character

E: helena

K: yes duh helena

K: helena’s thirst for pregnant women is next level

K: helena’s casual headbands are very mommi

E: right helena’s pregnant tina obsession = inception


K: is christina aguilera mommi

E: no

K: dang like even 2017 xtina

E: maybe especially not a 2017 xtina

K: my mommi radar is broken

K: xtina on the voice felt very mommi to me

K: lots of white blazers

E: was it w some understated makeup or heavy makeup

K: hmmm probs heavy

K: i see your point


E: can we mommi sally yates

K: absolutely

K: love mommi as a verb

K: momming is the new queering


K: also there should be an annual mommi convention

K: mommi con

E:: i mean now that mommis know there are others like them

E: they’d be the group to meet and celebrate themselves

K: mommis love to celebrate themselves


E: gotta mommi spice girls

K: well posh was def an early mommi influence for me

E: i’m actually going scary



K: who was the most mommi person on camp staff

K: oh duh kyle why did I even ask

E: wow embarrassing

K: smh @ myself


K: emily robinson of the dixie chicks is mommi



E: kylie minogue

K: VM (very mommi)


E: here’s something that has been tearing me up: is mary louise parker mommi

K: i think yes

E: i think no???

K: am I conflating her with nancy

E: see nancy was mommi


E: who is the official sponsor of mommi

K: white house black market!!!!!!


E: this might as well be the closing credits of big little lies




E: how do we present this to the world

E: do we include the pregnancy thing. [look there was a private discussion about pregnant women feel free to @ us we’re down to chat]

E: where are the lines

E: *oprah voice* what is the truth, etc.

K: i’ve been mommi thirsty since day one

E: sljdgkljdfjgdfl


K: carla gugino in spy kids was my first mommi

E: can I quote you on that

K: you can absolutely quote me on any and all mommi related matters

K: i hope to be a mommi ambassador

K: spread the good mommi word

K: is it too early to make mommi shirts for camp next year

E: “mommi thirsty since day one” is like A LOT

K: the pregnancy thing is pretty important I feel like

E: are you ready to be this person on the net

K: hahahaha I think I already am this person on twitter dot com


K: mommi today mommi tomorrow mommi forever

E: “planet earth”

E: fuuuuuck

K: lololol

E: if you are down to wear a shirt that says “thirsty for mommis since day one” i will design it and bulk order it your way

K: ldfjgkldsfjgd

K: did I ever tell you about the time my mom’s book club discussed my lesbianism during a book club meeting

E: no omg

K: (the members of my mom’s book club are very mommi)


Mommi Logistics


K: I told my friend about mommi and she was like “do u mean mami” and I was like NO MOMMI and she was like “….mami”

K: should we change it to mommy or am i overthinking this

E: oh GOD ahahaha

E: look mommy feels likes it’s got one foot in a weird place

E: ok mommy mommi and mami are all pronounced the same, right? so we’re taking a spin on mommy not mami

K: i agree

K: my one friend just didn’t GET it


E: well y would she, we made it up

K: hahahaha

K: our greatest creation

E: getting entrepreneurial with a friend is pretty mommi

E: we mommi’d ourselves

K: mommiception


Mommi Moves


E: this is going to be maybe controversial

E: bc rihanna is younger than me

E: but rihanna is mommi

K: omg how old is rihanna

K: she’s so mommi

K: she literally carries a glass of wine everywhere


E: 29

E: glasses inside

E: mommi move


Divisive Mommis




K: that profile of her is ART

E: oh my god i remember that

E: but i’m going to respectfully disagree here

E: can gurus be mommis

E: in my opinion, no

K: omg but like look at her

E: a statement ring cannot fool me

E: gurus smack of self doubt and that is not what makes a mommi

K: ugh that’s tru

K: mommis never doubt

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. OK so: mommi is a do I want to be her or do I want her to want me situation, right?

  2. Oh thank god. From the title I thought it was going to be about tumblr / twitter kids calling their favs “mom”. Like @ a celebrity on twitter and calling her MOM.

    WTF is wrong with these kids.

    • I should write a first person account – “It happened to me: I worked with college kids and they all called me Mom.”

      They swear it’s because they love me.

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      • There’s this one mom at my work who i have to avoid bc I’m too into her

        “oh god, M’s mom is here, kill me”

        Followed immediately by

        *ahem*(nervous giggle) (slight blush) “Mrs M’s Mom, could you sign this?” *bats eyelashes & runs hand thru hair* “M got, uhh, bit on the arm today”

  3. I have been visiting AS for the past – I don’t know how many – years and never commented. On anything But this post cracked me up so much I had too. Thank you Erin & Kayla! Coming out as a mommisexual today!

  4. This really resonates with me. My mommi obsession of the moment – Valerie from Casual.


    (She’s currently making an argument over coffee for Jane Fonda’s fineness.)

  6. now I’m checking the news wondering “Am I reading this article because INFORMATION or for a picture of mommi Sally Yates”

    thanks for that

  7. I need to understand how Helena is Mommi and Bette is not Mommi (or is Bette also Mommi?)

    I’m so glad that there are ways like this to keep the L World relevant long long long since it’s prime, because I could talk about this show fiveever.

  8. Mommi is scolding you for reading in the livingroom in the dark(again), but you were totally gonna turn the lights on any minute now, really.

  9. Did you ever get something you didn’t even know you wanted? That’s how I’m feeling about Mommi.


  10. This is making me feel all sorts of discombobulated, also maybe starting to understand why my wife refers to me as an “investment piece.”

  11. spent the past few hours really wanting to engage with this post/really wanting to “be into” the mommi thing, because its genius and this piece is hysterical

    had a momentary “do i just not like older women//i hope i’m still attracted to my girlfriend when we’re older” meltdown (we’re 27, definitely not mommi status yet)

    only to re-read the comments and realize duh i don’t want to bang mommis bc i want to bang daddys (like Bette) wow okay phew. crisis averted.

    go mommis! go daddys!

    thank you for this amazing piece

  12. this post made me realize that I’m Daddy 4 Daddy* which is still really helpful information, thank you both.

    *Rihanna exception always applies

    • it’s just a really fine science because it’s possible to be and prefer femme Daddy, which I feel like is under-acknowledged?

      I would submit P!nk as a sort of butch Mommi. Am I doing this right?

  13. Me reading the article: I think this is the first post on this website that makes me feel old because I don’t understand

    Me reading the comments: welp

  14. I really didn’t get this until I saw that Carol looking at Therese picture and well, then I got it.
    I think.

  15. Can not stop laughing at this. Also realizing I’m totally a mommi lover

  16. What about Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa)? Or is the Mommi category limited specifically to skinny women? Those are the only examples cited so far, is why I ask.

  17. This article is the gift that keeps giving. I feel like this article has changed me…

    • I feel like there’s a “motherhood changes you” joke in there somewhere but I can’t quite land on it…


    i get mommi. and I’m here for it.

  19. just wanna say: Erin & Kayla, this is the collaboration I have been waiting for! What a delight.

  20. I kinda didn’t get it because of my un-comfortability with the most prevalent meaning of “Daddy” word next to its familial meaning.

    Google returned with “Late-night drinking and dining spot where Japan meets Latin America in an urban, cool environment.” for the word :-) :-)

    Kinda get it now….I think.

    Julia Ormond & Helena- Perfect. Though I think the latter is both MO-DA!

    My own mommiferance would be Jennifer Connelly

  21. Cherie Jaffe?
    Ashley Marin?
    Am I getting this or…?
    Kinda stressed out that I don’t know how to add pictures here tbh.

  22. That dusty rose nail polish is taking me back. When I was a kid, that color was such a staple of my grandma, aunts, great aunts. It makes me want to buy a collection of tan stockings so I can hand wash them and hang them in my bathroom to dry.

    Is it mommi to be so into grandma culture?

    • That rusty rose nail polish sleeping in my medicine cabinet? I am now going to go home and burn it. “Prism” – you have been chosen as the next favorite. May the odds ever be in your favor!

  23. This entire post/comment thread is AMAZING.

    Question: If I’m 37 with a wife and two kids, does that automatically make me mommi? Or do I have to wear blazers/giant sunglasses/Lululemon and drink a lot of wine to qualify?

  24. Ok so I’m evolving on this and now I’m thinking Sally Yates isn’t actually mommi, she might be more like…papa bear? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT. But like no-nonsense women who might’ve kindly told you to suck it up when you scraped your knee (after inspecting it, of course) and then would go to bat for you in front of the Supreme Fucking Court or wherever else, or would just like go into space and enjoy it, women who are able to tuck their fears into perspective and help you do the same –

    Sally Yates
    Sally Ride
    Lawmakers generally
    Who else


  25. I would wear the hell out of a mommi thirsty since day one shirt. Please give me this opportunity to further creep out my hetero fam, AS.

    Also I came in here not expecting to enjoy this so much cause the daddy thing skeeves me out some.

  26. I’m going to come back when I’m on my actual laptop because I have at least one lady to submit for a Mommi consensus and also this thread is my current favorite place in the world.

  27. i’m SO into sally yates. i’m not sorry.
    is elizabeth warren mommi?
    i feel like nancy meyers movies are very mommi.
    what’s the venn diagram of milf/mommi/cool mom?
    also, there’s a guy in davis who drives around in a red corvette with the license plate ID8MOMS and i somehow both love and loath it.
    mommi is everything i didn’t know i needed thank you so much.

      • I’m pretty sure MILFs have to be actual moms, and Erin clarified to someone above that a mommi doesn’t have to have borne offspring.

      • welp this momentarily devastated me. but i think there’s enough distinction between MILFs and mommis that we’re not just copying/queering the same concept.

    • while we do appreciate elizabeth warren in her own way, elizabeth warren is not mommi. mommi is not milf as that implies you have to be a mom to be mommi, which you don’t, or that all moms you’re attracted to are mommi, which they’re not. this is a delicate scale and one we look forward to calibrating with all you

      • thank you for clarifying! i really feel like this is important and i need to have a firm grasp on it before i can move forward with my life.

  28. Reposted from Comment Award thread: I need somebody to explain to me why Bette is a daddy but Carol is a mommi. What is the differentiating characteristic?

    Someone please help I won’t sleep until I know

    • another great question, and another razor thin distinction. we’re working with intentionality here, and bette operates KNOWING she can get whoever she wants whereas it just so happens with carol

  29. submitting for consideration Sarah Lancashire as Caroline and possibly also Sarah Lancashire as herself

  30. i love this #concept but i feel like my mommi radar is almost as bad as my gaydar. please advise.
    mika brzezinski: mommi or no mommi?
    portia de rossi: mommi or no mommi?
    annalise keating: mommi or no mommi?

    • Annalise is mommi but I need a second opinion about the others. But I’m convinced Annalise literally would like to be called mommi in bed

  31. I’ve never felt so simultaneously recognized and called out by an AS post before. I’ll be talking about this with my therapist, or i would if she wasn’t like also very Mommi, oops

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  37. Hola…!!!
    New to #Autostraddle and also new to the term #Mommi but just this morning I saw Lisa Rinna @ Kelly&Ryan and oh dear! #Mommi just made sense…

  38. As a self proclaimed Mommi I would like to Mommi Jenny Mollen for queen mommi and also say leather maternity leggings=VM y/n?

  39. Hola…!!!
    New to #Autostraddle and also new to the term #Mommi but just this morning I saw Lisa Rinna @ Kelly&Ryan and oh dear! #Mommi just made sense…

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  41. I’m a late bloomer and just learned what this is. This answers the question as to why only 20-23 year olds swipe right on me on Bumble, lol! No guys, I got mommi aesthetic but idk what I’m doing!

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