by erin sullivan and kayla upadhyaya
Unless you’ve been fully logged off for the past two years, the term Daddy has at some point made its way into your internet experience. Daddy, we’ve learned, can be for anything. People can be Daddy. Concepts can be Daddy. A large tree you find appealing can be Daddy. Which is why trying to describe exactly what Daddy means becomes complicated. Its definition seems to best reveal itself through context clues, and so maybe it’s easiest to say that Daddy is a feel. And while Daddy has had a solid run, we’re happy to announce Daddy has been temporarily benched.
Introducing: Mommi.
Like Daddy, Mommi has always existed — and exists separately from Mommy and Mami, which are their own things — it’s just finally getting the recognition it deserves. “Oh, perfect, another wildly specific internet thing to not understand.” That’s you staring at your screen right now. But don’t feel overwhelmed. Kayla and I consider ourselves not just Mommi admirers, but Mommi experts, and we’re here to explain it for you in the best way that all ideas get fleshed out: through a series of g-chats.
Mommi Mood Boards
K:
E:
What We Mean When We Say Mommi
*
E: is mommi a state of mind
E: or a state of being
K: state of being
K: lifestyle
E: which consists of
E: luluemon clothing for sure
K: yes luluemon. maxi dresses. impossibly big purses. impossibly big sunglasses.
K: screenshots from every episode of big little lies, the mommiest tv show
E: screenshots of texts ABOUT big little lies
E: is also mommi
K: omg omg
*
E: blazer no shirt… mommi
E: however, take the sleeves off the blazer and it’s no longer mommi
*
K: this rest stop in connecticut is crawlin with mommis
E: connecticut is the one state i’d guess for that
*
E: mommiest l word character
E: helena
K: yes duh helena
K: helena’s thirst for pregnant women is next level
K: helena’s casual headbands are very mommi
E: right helena’s pregnant tina obsession = inception
*
K: is christina aguilera mommi
E: no
K: dang like even 2017 xtina
E: maybe especially not a 2017 xtina
K: my mommi radar is broken
K: xtina on the voice felt very mommi to me
K: lots of white blazers
E: was it w some understated makeup or heavy makeup
K: hmmm probs heavy
K: i see your point
*
E: can we mommi sally yates
K: absolutely
K: love mommi as a verb
K: momming is the new queering
*
K: also there should be an annual mommi convention
K: mommi con
E:: i mean now that mommis know there are others like them
E: they’d be the group to meet and celebrate themselves
K: mommis love to celebrate themselves
*
E: gotta mommi spice girls
K: well posh was def an early mommi influence for me
E: i’m actually going scary
K: INTERESTING
*
K: who was the most mommi person on camp staff
K: oh duh kyle why did I even ask
E: wow embarrassing
K: smh @ myself
*
K: emily robinson of the dixie chicks is mommi
E: I WAS GOING TO SAY
*
E: kylie minogue
K: VM (very mommi)
*
E: here’s something that has been tearing me up: is mary louise parker mommi
K: i think yes
E: i think no???
K: am I conflating her with nancy
E: see nancy was mommi
*
E: who is the official sponsor of mommi
K: white house black market!!!!!!
E:
E: this might as well be the closing credits of big little lies
*
WHY MOMMI
*
E: how do we present this to the world
E: do we include the pregnancy thing. [look there was a private discussion about pregnant women feel free to @ us we’re down to chat]
E: where are the lines
E: *oprah voice* what is the truth, etc.
K: i’ve been mommi thirsty since day one
E: sljdgkljdfjgdfl
E: KAYLA
K: carla gugino in spy kids was my first mommi
E: can I quote you on that
K: you can absolutely quote me on any and all mommi related matters
K: i hope to be a mommi ambassador
K: spread the good mommi word
K: is it too early to make mommi shirts for camp next year
E: “mommi thirsty since day one” is like A LOT
K: the pregnancy thing is pretty important I feel like
E: are you ready to be this person on the net
K: hahahaha I think I already am this person on twitter dot com
K:
K: mommi today mommi tomorrow mommi forever
E: “planet earth”
E: fuuuuuck
K: lololol
E: if you are down to wear a shirt that says “thirsty for mommis since day one” i will design it and bulk order it your way
K: ldfjgkldsfjgd
K: did I ever tell you about the time my mom’s book club discussed my lesbianism during a book club meeting
E: no omg
K: (the members of my mom’s book club are very mommi)
*
Mommi Logistics
*
K: I told my friend about mommi and she was like “do u mean mami” and I was like NO MOMMI and she was like “….mami”
K: should we change it to mommy or am i overthinking this
E: oh GOD ahahaha
E: look mommy feels likes it’s got one foot in a weird place
E: ok mommy mommi and mami are all pronounced the same, right? so we’re taking a spin on mommy not mami
K: i agree
K: my one friend just didn’t GET it
E: I SEE
E: well y would she, we made it up
K: hahahaha
K: our greatest creation
E: getting entrepreneurial with a friend is pretty mommi
E: we mommi’d ourselves
K: mommiception
*
Mommi Moves
*
E: this is going to be maybe controversial
E: bc rihanna is younger than me
E: but rihanna is mommi
K: omg how old is rihanna
K: she’s so mommi
K: she literally carries a glass of wine everywhere
K: MOMMI MOVE
E: 29
E: glasses inside
E: mommi move
*
Divisive Mommis
K: I JUST REMEMBERED THE ULTIMATE MOMMI
K: http://www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/a28600/amanda-chantal-bacon-moon-juice-food-diary/
K: THE OWNER OF MOON JUICE
K: that profile of her is ART
E: oh my god i remember that
E: but i’m going to respectfully disagree here
E: can gurus be mommis
E: in my opinion, no
K: omg but like look at her
E: a statement ring cannot fool me
E: gurus smack of self doubt and that is not what makes a mommi
K: ugh that’s tru
K: mommis never doubt
OK so: mommi is a do I want to be her or do I want her to want me situation, right?
it’s a both/and situation!
Then Mary Louise Parker in the West Wing is my mommi inception
Literally stifling back laughter so I don’t wake Lucy YOU GUYS ?
sarah do you mommi
Yes mommi hello my root was czj
Czj is mommi rt?
what czj are we talking, what movie
just cazejo in her normal life, catherine herself.
OR
Elena from Zorro is also pretty mommi
Oh thank god. From the title I thought it was going to be about tumblr / twitter kids calling their favs “mom”. Like @ a celebrity on twitter and calling her MOM.
WTF is wrong with these kids.
CORRECT this is the wrong use of a mommi adjacent
I should write a first person account – “It happened to me: I worked with college kids and they all called me Mom.”
They swear it’s because they love me.
it sounds like you might be mommi
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ERIN
“IDK if i want her to make out with me or help me with my homework or both”
MICKEY ROLL W US
There’s this one mom at my work who i have to avoid bc I’m too into her
“oh god, M’s mom is here, kill me”
Followed immediately by
*ahem*(nervous giggle) (slight blush) “Mrs M’s Mom, could you sign this?” *bats eyelashes & runs hand thru hair* “M got, uhh, bit on the arm today”
I have been visiting AS for the past – I don’t know how many – years and never commented. On anything But this post cracked me up so much I had too. Thank you Erin & Kayla! Coming out as a mommisexual today!
Evita welcome!!!
extremely honored
This really resonates with me. My mommi obsession of the moment – Valerie from Casual.
THIS IS A MOMMI COSIGN
THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND.
(She’s currently making an argument over coffee for Jane Fonda’s fineness.)
Ok this is a throwback but even in jane fondas current grace period…mommi
Jane Fonda’s popped collars in Grace & Frankie……..MOMMI
Those popped collars slay me.
honestly, i love a woman who loves white house black market.
u get it
of course alaina gets it
omg Carla Gugino in spy kids was also my first Mommi
Thank u 4 understanding
I am 1000% here for this!!!
had a feelin
now I’m checking the news wondering “Am I reading this article because INFORMATION or for a picture of mommi Sally Yates”
thanks for that
she’ll take you there
I need to understand how Helena is Mommi and Bette is not Mommi (or is Bette also Mommi?)
I’m so glad that there are ways like this to keep the L World relevant long long long since it’s prime, because I could talk about this show fiveever.
great question. bette is daddy
bette is like, the definition of daddy.
Good answer.
just muttered “fuck yes” to myself @ this comment. Bette is all Daddy.
DING DONG
DYING AT THIS HYSTERICALLY
is this mommi or grandmommi
mommi knows no age
Mommi is scolding you for reading in the livingroom in the dark(again), but you were totally gonna turn the lights on any minute now, really.
amanda’s taking it there!!
Did you ever get something you didn’t even know you wanted? That’s how I’m feeling about Mommi.
Bless.
life hack: embrace mommi
Cate Blanchett in that photo is simultaneously patronising and sexy as hell.
In other words….mommi
This is making me feel all sorts of discombobulated, also maybe starting to understand why my wife refers to me as an “investment piece.”
AYYY SALLYS WIFE
YES MOMMI!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxx
heard a rumor lil baby tops love mommis
This makes me uncomfortable!
Not
Because
It isn’t
True
only you can let it in
Accept mommi. Embrace mommi. Love mommi.
wow i’ve never seen a clearer articulation of my brand goals, ever.
be the change
goop.com/mommi
this is loaded
Laughing too much at this!
spent the past few hours really wanting to engage with this post/really wanting to “be into” the mommi thing, because its genius and this piece is hysterical
had a momentary “do i just not like older women//i hope i’m still attracted to my girlfriend when we’re older” meltdown (we’re 27, definitely not mommi status yet)
only to re-read the comments and realize duh i don’t want to bang mommis bc i want to bang daddys (like Bette) wow okay phew. crisis averted.
go mommis! go daddys!
thank you for this amazing piece
Lol!! I’m tracking with you Erin
this post made me realize that I’m Daddy 4 Daddy* which is still really helpful information, thank you both.
*Rihanna exception always applies
it’s just a really fine science because it’s possible to be and prefer femme Daddy, which I feel like is under-acknowledged?
I would submit P!nk as a sort of butch Mommi. Am I doing this right?
YES P!nk is totally a butch mommi u nailed it
Omg thank you Kincaid! This is spot on.
I don’t even know what to say
Like, could I possibly be one?
Oh yes, friend.
Sounds like you’re mommicurious
was just gonna say, I think I’m mommicurious. Had no idea this was a possibility!
mommi –>
<-- daddy
and here it is
SARAH
COMMENT AWARD/GIF AWARD/GIVE SARAH EVERYTHING
?
Sweet Jesus
*fans herself*
Thanks to this gif I now genuinely understand the whole concept!!
But….I like mommis and daddys. Throuple anyone?
I’m glad Autostraddle has finally discovered Mommy Kink. It’s about time lol
We’re here for u
Can men be mommi? Bc I feel strongly that Channing Tatum is mommi.
i think it all depends: do you think channing tatum drinks chardonnay on ice?
I really think he does
I reeeeeally hope Channing Tatum drinks Chardonnay on ice
I also strongly believe that mommis use frozen grapes to keep their wine cold.
probably in a plastic kid’s cup from Chili’s tbh
where does sparkling rosé fall on the mommi scale?
Prob peak mommi
I personally think john slattery is mommi
Me reading the article: I think this is the first post on this website that makes me feel old because I don’t understand
Me reading the comments: welp
I didn’t get it until somebody said Sally Yates
I still don’t get it
I will confess that I felt the same way, also I am still confused.
Glad I’m not alone
Hold my hand, Chandra. But be gentle, I am old and old people have arthritis
Lol
I really didn’t get this until I saw that Carol looking at Therese picture and well, then I got it.
I think.
Can not stop laughing at this. Also realizing I’m totally a mommi lover
can I be daddy with mommi issues?
What about Ina Garten (Barefoot Contessa)? Or is the Mommi category limited specifically to skinny women? Those are the only examples cited so far, is why I ask.
I think Ina Garten is PEAK MOMMI and I am here for it.
ina garten is VM (very mommi)
re: the food network world, martha is daddy
Yes, the evidence bears this out. Thanks!
This article is the gift that keeps giving. I feel like this article has changed me…
I feel like there’s a “motherhood changes you” joke in there somewhere but I can’t quite land on it…
CARLA GUGINO IN SPY KIDS WAS MY FIRST MOMMI TOO OMFG
i get mommi. and I’m here for it.
and she, monique, is here for you
She will always be my mommi.
MOMMI CON.
see you there
just wanna say: Erin & Kayla, this is the collaboration I have been waiting for! What a delight.
I kinda didn’t get it because of my un-comfortability with the most prevalent meaning of “Daddy” word next to its familial meaning.
Google returned with “Late-night drinking and dining spot where Japan meets Latin America in an urban, cool environment.” for the word :-) :-)
Kinda get it now….I think.
Julia Ormond & Helena- Perfect. Though I think the latter is both MO-DA!
My own mommiferance would be Jennifer Connelly
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/18/64/0d/18640da74547bfc67d847655577a80bd.jpg
Cherie Jaffe?
Ashley Marin?
Am I getting this or…?
Kinda stressed out that I don’t know how to add pictures here tbh.
I think you get it! If I’m getting it. Ashley Marin is SO mommi.
http://oi803.photobucket.com/albums/yy312/recapeverythingplls4a/S4E02/pll_s4e02_31.jpg
you’ve got it!
Cool, so I’m adding this to my mood board then:
http://data.whicdn.com/images/112696627/thumb.jpg
That dusty rose nail polish is taking me back. When I was a kid, that color was such a staple of my grandma, aunts, great aunts. It makes me want to buy a collection of tan stockings so I can hand wash them and hang them in my bathroom to dry.
Is it mommi to be so into grandma culture?
hm, i think we’re veering here
That rusty rose nail polish sleeping in my medicine cabinet? I am now going to go home and burn it. “Prism” – you have been chosen as the next favorite. May the odds ever be in your favor!
This entire post/comment thread is AMAZING.
Question: If I’m 37 with a wife and two kids, does that automatically make me mommi? Or do I have to wear blazers/giant sunglasses/Lululemon and drink a lot of wine to qualify?
Go with what you feel in your heart.
being a mom doesn’t automatically make you mommi but i believe in you
I don’t think I am currently mommi, but I could evolve.
Ok so I’m evolving on this and now I’m thinking Sally Yates isn’t actually mommi, she might be more like…papa bear? I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CALL IT. But like no-nonsense women who might’ve kindly told you to suck it up when you scraped your knee (after inspecting it, of course) and then would go to bat for you in front of the Supreme Fucking Court or wherever else, or would just like go into space and enjoy it, women who are able to tuck their fears into perspective and help you do the same –
Sally Yates
Sally Ride
Lawmakers generally
Who else
WHAT IS THIS CALLED
right, sally is like circling the drain of mommi
I don’t know what it’s called but RBG is one
YES
Is everyone ok with papa bear or is that too much like gay bears
is mama bear already reserved for literal mothers?
I feel like mama bear just sounds like an actual super protective mother?
Salli.
I would wear the hell out of a mommi thirsty since day one shirt. Please give me this opportunity to further creep out my hetero fam, AS.
Also I came in here not expecting to enjoy this so much cause the daddy thing skeeves me out some.
I’m going to come back when I’m on my actual laptop because I have at least one lady to submit for a Mommi consensus and also this thread is my current favorite place in the world.
Keri Russel in The Americans is peak 1980s mommi (aka my aesthetic).
i’m SO into sally yates. i’m not sorry.
is elizabeth warren mommi?
i feel like nancy meyers movies are very mommi.
what’s the venn diagram of milf/mommi/cool mom?
also, there’s a guy in davis who drives around in a red corvette with the license plate ID8MOMS and i somehow both love and loath it.
mommi is everything i didn’t know i needed thank you so much.
oh shit, is mommi just milf for queer women?
I’m pretty sure MILFs have to be actual moms, and Erin clarified to someone above that a mommi doesn’t have to have borne offspring.
welp this momentarily devastated me. but i think there’s enough distinction between MILFs and mommis that we’re not just copying/queering the same concept.
while we do appreciate elizabeth warren in her own way, elizabeth warren is not mommi. mommi is not milf as that implies you have to be a mom to be mommi, which you don’t, or that all moms you’re attracted to are mommi, which they’re not. this is a delicate scale and one we look forward to calibrating with all you
thank you for continuing to do this important work
thank you for clarifying! i really feel like this is important and i need to have a firm grasp on it before i can move forward with my life.
it’s been a day does anyone know if julia ormond wants to ruin my life yet
Reposted from Comment Award thread: I need somebody to explain to me why Bette is a daddy but Carol is a mommi. What is the differentiating characteristic?
Someone please help I won’t sleep until I know
mommi questions EVERYWHERE
another great question, and another razor thin distinction. we’re working with intentionality here, and bette operates KNOWING she can get whoever she wants whereas it just so happens with carol
Ohhhhhhh
I think it’s becoming clearer
CARLA GUGINO IN SPY KIDS i’m dying and also REALIZING THINGS
here for u
submitting for consideration Sarah Lancashire as Caroline and possibly also Sarah Lancashire as herself
i love this #concept but i feel like my mommi radar is almost as bad as my gaydar. please advise.
mika brzezinski: mommi or no mommi?
portia de rossi: mommi or no mommi?
annalise keating: mommi or no mommi?
Annalise is mommi but I need a second opinion about the others. But I’m convinced Annalise literally would like to be called mommi in bed
Addison Forbes Montgomery.
MOMMI
oh shit this is so correct
I’ve never felt so simultaneously recognized and called out by an AS post before. I’ll be talking about this with my therapist, or i would if she wasn’t like also very Mommi, oops
Ms. Honey from Matilda was my first mommi.
oh my god, YES. i had such a crush on her.
??? For the first time, I have nothing else to say…
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Quite alarmed that this thread is missing the epitome of Mommi, Ms Phryne Fisher.
![](https://zbsimpsonwriter.files.wordpress.com/2016/06/tumblr_inline_nv4ontddso1s3dd5s_500.gif)
![](https://78.media.tumblr.com/8f757950442148416ae33f160477cc05/tumblr_inline_o2ngkyi3Ws1rrk1ff_540.gif)
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Love her SM! MOMMI
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Hola…!!!
New to #Autostraddle and also new to the term #Mommi but just this morning I saw Lisa Rinna @ Kelly&Ryan and oh dear! #Mommi just made sense…
Cheers…!!!
Julianne Moore as Amber Waves in Boogie Nights tho…
As a self proclaimed Mommi I would like to Mommi Jenny Mollen for queen mommi and also say leather maternity leggings=VM y/n?
Hola…!!!
New to #Autostraddle and also new to the term #Mommi but just this morning I saw Lisa Rinna @ Kelly&Ryan and oh dear! #Mommi just made sense…
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I’m a late bloomer and just learned what this is. This answers the question as to why only 20-23 year olds swipe right on me on Bumble, lol! No guys, I got mommi aesthetic but idk what I’m doing!
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