Christmakwanzakah Open Thread: Well, Happy Holigays Bitches

Hello hello and welcome one and all to our Bazillionth/Third Annual Holiday Open Thread, in which you are the puppeteer, store clerk, chef, bartender, hot air balloon technician, hostess, philosopher and DJ! So many hats for your little head, wherever will you find enough racks?

Remember last year, when it was merely 2010 and we were all undoubtedly anticipating 11/11/11 so we could take notice, once and for all, that SOMEONE WAS REALLY REALLY THINKING ABOUT US?? That was a special time. Well now it’s This Year! And here you are, with sugarplums and lemurs dancing about in your head, maybe. Or maybe you’re just reading Us Magazine and considering an accent wall. Either way, Happy Weekend of Joy to you and yours!


TRADITION

Riese, Chief Charioteer of Dreams and Ideas, will be spending Festivus in Phoenix with Laneia, Dominatrix of Deadlines and Doubts, which should make for an interesting Top 10 article, in the very least, while Rachel, Eloquent Editor of Elephants and Others, braves the blustery winter chill of Family somewhere in the colder part of the country. Who knows what the rest of Team AS is up to! Measuring the speed of light in Maddows, probably, under the menorah tree.

don’t stop believin’

But what about you, my dear darling dove? What on earth are you doing this weekend? Does it involve carbohydrates and melted cheeses? Does it smell like pine cones and bourbon where you are? May we come? We desperately hope that you’re having a lovely time, which is why we wrote these things for you:

+ Many Holiday Drink Recipes
+ Things Our Mothers Cook
+ What You Can Do If You Have Kids or Will Be Near Some This Weekend
+ Several Songs to Listen to
+ Did You Forget the Menorah?
+ Talk of Video Games
+ How to Dress Up Like Black Swan (JK! But seriously, think about it.)

Please for the love of all things holy and good, share your soul with us here! Or at least your recipe for perfectly spiked eggnog, because it seems like shit is about to get Real.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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316 Comments

  1. I am spending Christmas with my brother and sister-in-law, but I am just not into the holiday spirit. How can I change that? I don’t want to be a downer at my brothers house!

  2. you guys! i made tamales! from fucking scratch! i’m THIS MUCH closer to becoming the pioneer woman. or something.

    • I’m alone too. I’d visit you if I weren’t completely broke and knew where you lived.

      I am fostering a puppy for the weekend, a local shelter has a “Home for the Holidays” program to give the pups a break from shelter life. She’s 2 months old, some kind of boxer/terrier mix and completely adorable. Puppy kisses and snuggles will get me through the weekend.

  4. I’m spending my holidays with my Dad and his girlfriends family. Since my father and aunt don’t talk(which sucks) I split up my time to see both sides of the family. This requires two meals, two desserts(not complaining) and extra gifts. I’m one of those who is in the cold part of the country…a.k.a Chicago IL. There is no snow so it doesn’t feel like xmas here but I grew up in Georgia so i see no difference. Lol.
    This year i haven’t been into the holidays at all. I have no idea why but i’m just not as “cheery”.
    New discovery for eggnog. It’s literally called Christmas Milk. I bought some at the store with my cousin and it is AWESOME! Spike it with Brandy and your good to go.
    The only reason i love the holidays is because i like to look like a stud with my sweaters and my nice black pants. I love to look nice so this is my time to do it. :)
    Happy Holidays Everyone! Be safe and eat lots of yummy food!

  5. Me: “Can I wear jeans for dinner tonight? My nice ones?”
    Mom: “Yes… but not with a flannel shirt”

    LOVE how she knows my lesbian tendencies while being completely oblivious to the fact that I actually am one.

    Promised myself to tell her while I am home this week… wondering if I’ll be able to keep that promise.

    • My ex-boyfriend’s parents bought me a plaid shirt for Christmas last year saying that they saw it and immediately thought it was something I would wear. One year on, gay as a rainbow snowflake. Foresight –amazing.

    • You can do it!!! You have the power of kittens, the Maddow, Autostraddle and every frickin person on this website behind you. Plus the power of flannel. Never underestimate the power of flannel.

      But seriously, good luck. We’re all with you.

    • Good luck! I came out to my mom today after thinking she was completely oblivious to the fact and she told me she had a feeling but didn’t want to make me feel bad! I wish you the best of luck! I hope she takes it well! Maybe she’s just like my mom and just wants you to bring it up first.

  6. Devout Catholics & Christians+Hispanic/Native American Stereotypes+ A Queermo+ Liberal amounts of Tequila+ Drama= What I am doing today

    I WAS excited because my cousins are VERY truthful on firewater and it’s hilarious. But I just heard from some of the adults that making fun of Tim Tebow is attacking Christianity and am thus reminded the majority of these adults (and some of the kids!) think GSAs shouldn’t be in schools and gays shouldn’t be married so we’re back to feeling like the black sheep over here.

    Yaaaaaaay. #notreally

  7. We’re having three sets of holiday madness, all in the same week. Tomorrow, my brother comes over and we open some presents and stockings and stuff. Monday, my paternal relatives come over, and we have soup and possibly a white-elephant-style gift exchange. Wednesday, we fly to Indianapolis to visit the maternal relatives (including the kneecap-kicking little cousins; please save me) and come back on Saturday to see my bro’s band play the New Year’s Eve gig at the 12th Street Pub (Hint, hint, Nebraskan Autostraddlers~)

  8. Tonight it’s going to be me and forty Russians, Catholics, and Scientologists in one room with an open bar. I’m not going to be drinking because my liver would never survive.

  9. As I’m Jewish and don’t feel like going to the suburbs for a holiday no one celebrates, I’ll be in my apartment with my dog in good ol’ Manhattan. In lieu of eating Chinese food with Jews, I’ll be eating Thai food with a Japanese tonight. Tomorrow I will dine with a Jew and watch movies. So typical!

    I will probably do the dishes, take my dog to the park, watch things on Netflix, and order delivery at some point. I hope I will meet an attractive female, but who knows?

    I will probably also be on ASSChat. (That’s how it’s written, right?)

    • HAPPY CHRISTMAKWANZAKKAH RACH!! Sorry I’ve been mia, as noted in the above wonderfulness, shit here has been getting REAL! *hugs*

  10. Probability of me coming out tomorrow, about 70 Maddow
    Probability of me then running off to my girlfriends and not returning till post new years… 100 Maddow.

  11. We always have Christmas Eve with my mom’s side of the family, and Christmas Day with my dad’s side of the family. This year, I won’t get to see Mom’s side at all (which includes my all time favorite cousin whom I hardly ever get to see) because stupid Target decided to be open until 9 and I will be at work until 9:30. Favorite cousin is growing up too fast and I am missing it because of my stupid job. I work at the cafe/pizza hut. Who wants pizza/popcorn at 9 pm on Christmas Eve? Been torn between yelling and crying all day. Parents have little sympathy because I brought this on myself by not looking for a better job. Because apparently there are lots of jobs right now if you really want to find one. All those unemployed people just aren’t trying hard enough. Facepalm.

  12. It’s my first Christmas away from my family (read: mother and bunch of oddball queer girls that always gather at my place for food and presents) and I am in a city where I don’t know anyone. My gf is arriving on a jet plane at 5pm Christmas day. I have lots of feelings and they are all sorts of bitter sweet. I have a tofurky though, and I baked banana bread, so I will get through it, feelings and all.

    • You can do it you’ll be okay!! I’m saying this because I’ll be in the same position next year and it will likely be rough, but do-able, and it helps to know you’re not the only one. And to eat banana bread. Good call.

  13. The thing I’m most excited about is the Doctor Who Christmas special. I’ve been waiting for this all week!

    My Christmas routinely includes eating an entire Terry’s Chocolate Orange and falling asleep on the settee having eaten my weight in food and drank vast quantities of champagne/sherry/mulled wine/beer, as well as insisting everybody in the house wears the paper hat out of their cracker, but really it’s all about what’s on the telly.

    • Me too! As much as I am looking forward to having dinner with my cousins, I’m hoping they leave in time for me to watch the Doctor Who special. I think they’ll be offended if we turn the tv on before they leave.

        • I already have a strategy:

          “Oh you have such a long drive back!”
          “Oh no, we’re out of chocolates, nothing left to eat!”

          No one stays when the chocolate is gone.

      • Last year my parents and I ditched our family Christmas party early so we could get back to their house in time to watch it. (Though if it was at our house, we totally would have just turned it on. Can’t pass up a chance to get more people watching the Doctor!)

    • I had no TV. Then I remembered Doctor Who. Now I have a TV. I used a pair of scissors to screw the tv to the stand and I cut my hands all up. I have BLED for the doctor. this is dedication.

    • I got the first two seasons of Doctor Who on DVD from my brother, and the Christmas special airs tomorrow here. Me and my box of Jelly Belly will see you all on the 27th.

    • My Doctor Who-watching-partner blew me off tonight. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to watch it, even though I’m peeved enough to watch it without them…. =[

  14. My friend made me vodka soaked gummi bears for a christmas present. I think I’m gonna have a fun night.

  15. Bah humbug.. holidays :(. My family doesn’t do holidays. Friends are coupled up in the suburbs. I was recently “broken up” with. I have to soberly work in a bar til about 3.. and I’m getting my damned period! #lotsoffeelings

  16. I’m about to leave for Christmas Eve dinner at my grandparents’ place. It was supposed to be at my aunt’s, but apparently since I saw him at Thanksgiving my grandpa now needs a wheelchair and oxygen. So… yeah, that kind of sucks. After that going to watch Stephen Colbert’s Christmas special with my parents.

    For Christmas day, going to go see Sherlock Holmes and eat at Tokyo Japanese Steakhouse! (And then watch the Doctor Who Christmas special, of course :D)

  17. Scandinavians celebrate on the 24th so I’m about up to my ears in whiskey, baileys and that weird shit my uncle swears by. Also watching The Grinch (it’s like a biopic) and waiting for the inevitable mayhem that will commence when Trivial Pursuit is brought out. Hope people are enjoying their holigays, stall heavily refreshed!

  18. After only one Christmas dinner, I’ve already racked up these gems:

    1. “I mean, seriously. Even Fox News isn’t conservative enough for me anymore.”
    2. “Does that equal sign sticker mean you like math?”
    3. “I could do without Ron Paul. Santorum – there’s a winner.”

    Only two more days.

    • My sisters and I have a contest to see who can hear the stupidest/most ridiculous christmas comment from our family member. The winner so far is “My truck gets me where I need to go….church and wal-mart” from my 18 year old cousin.

  19. This Christmas will be split between my dad’s house in the morning and my mom’s house after that. I’m not yet 18 (3 more years to go) so I can’t decide where to be and it sucks. -8 Maddows.

    • What?! That sucks. I know for me I’ve been able to make that decision since I was 13 and well I have a year left of having to even acknowledge my biological father is indeed my biological father. Hope it goes fine, I’ve been in that situation before but lol I hated having to choose because I always felt guilty for my mom especially since she has raised me, but my biological father had snow and was great until more recent years…

    • -8 Maddows! That’s awful : ( I used to have to go back and forth between my parents houses and sometimes it was nice but a lot of the time it sucked.

  20. I am alternating between cleaning the house and tooling around on tumblr. Eventually the latter will have to totally stop and the former will have to kick into high gear. This is not that time.

  21. This is my first holiday out to my family. Since I came out my relationship with my folks has improved exponentially, and I believe Christmas will be a much more relaxing affair for me. It is also my first holiday with my girlfriend all to myself. We met through her husband and apparently I’ve already treated that asshole and given her the best holiday she’s ever had with a significant other. After spending 4 years just sleeping around and avoiding serious relationships like the plague I’m proud I can be a good partner. lol I was worried there for a while.

    Happy HoHo!

  22. Gahh, I’m all Grinchy this year. For years now, I’ve spent the holidays with people who aren’t my blood family. Every year I’ve had somewhere to go or someone to spend the day with; but this year, I’m in my new home of Chicago and very far from my chosen family, so I will be alone on Christmas for the first time. At first I was okay with it, and I was looking forward to the time alone. But because everyone I interact with has asked me what my holiday plans are and responded with a sympathetic face and a pitying “Awww, you poor thing. I’d hang out with you if I were in town,” I’ve started to feel really bad about being alone this year.

  23. My cousins are over from Israel. It’s great. We can walk around talking Hebrew and no one knows what we’re talking about. Other than the People selling Dead Sea products at the Ala Moana of course…as my cousins said: Those salespeople really are everywhere in the world.

    • Not in Canada anymore – last week the Israeli government let the Canadian border patrol know that none of those Dead Sea product salespeople have work permits, and they all got arrested and shipped home!

  24. This is already one of the best holiday seasons ever because I’m on leave and wearing civilian clothes for the first time in two and a half months. JEANS ARE AWESOME.

  25. My lady and I are in Budapest in a hostel where there’s a scary crazy drunk resident holding court in the kitchen, STARVING TO DEATH because we miscalculated w/r/t the food situation over Christmas. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED UNTIL THE 27th, so we walked a mile to a crappy Turkish cafe that is miraculously open. Currently searching for Jewish/Indian/Asian/Islamic food places in hopes of surviving the holidays.

    Budapest is nice though! We were greeted by very friendly men very eager to exchange our euros for hungarian money at a good rate.

  26. I’m spending Christmas on a family holiday in Italy. We are currently waiting to attend midnight mass in Italian in the Basilica where Michelangelo and Dante were buried. It doesnt really feel like Christmas because I haven’t been to the beach in months and the cold is confusing my Australian body calendar, if such a thing exists. I have also spent exponentially less time singing christmas carols badly and doing my usual Christmas baking. I’m also a bit disappointed because I’ve just realised that the rainbow flags I’ve been seeing throughout Italy are actually Peace signs not the pride flag. I’m not out to my family and a time when I’m spending a lot of time in close confines with them with no option of escape makes the awkward boyfriend question even more awkward.

    On the plus side I just ate an amazing Christmas dinner, he church bells have been ringing continuously for 10 minutes and I’m going to be seeing some of my really great friends who live on the over side of the globe shortly.

    • I feel like vacation Christmases are often confusing because Christmas is so ingrained your memory as something in particular. But that midnight mass sounds kind of awesome and pace flags totally through me off too!

  27. I only discovered Autostraddle late this year, and browsing it at 6 am Christmas morning has certainly been a highlight of December. My socks, they are rocked.

    Merry Christmas sweetlings!
    (Oh happy Hannukah, or holidays, or whatever else might be celebrated today. ^_^ )

  28. This Christmas I’m hiding. I’m hiding my liberal politics, progressive Christianity, nicotine addiction, new tattoo, and being a gay lady. Being in the closet isn’t as painful (yet) as not being able to speak my mind or have a fucking cigarette.
    There is not enough spiked eggnog….

    • My girlfriend and I make ludicrous amounts of trips to the coffee shop in town just to have a cigarette when visiting my parents. It definitely sucks.

    • I stand on my roof and stare at the stars while I smoke. Who says you can’t be melodramatically introspective in your mid-twenties?

      • Escaping to the roof is one of my favorite parts of being home, but even eggnog + 10 Maddow of whiskey can’t keep me warm up there this time of year!

  29. I’m spending Christmas with my fairly conservative family. I came out to them the other day and they took it pretty well. They even asked about a girlfriend! Who I miss terribly and won’t get to see until January at the earliest. D:

    For Christmas day, we plan on playing Harry Potter Scene It til the wee hours of the morning and yelling at each other over politics for hours over dinner. It’s a time honored tradition.

  30. my holiday in smalltown USA : went out to eat with old friends and an old swim coach. everyone asked about everyone’s relationships/significant others except for mine. went out for drinks with three straight couples, talked about fish and game for nearly 30 minutes. got stared at a lot. on the plus side, my mom bought my girlfriend a rad pair of toms boots for christmas! picked them out all on her own and they’re perfect. now i must go and witness my parents argue over the grill, which they are operating in the snow. happy holigays, ladies.

  31. SANGRIA!!! I made some from scratch 2 days ago…but my alcoholic
    Sister drank it all soooooo now I gotta make more!!! Yay alcohol to make
    My life happier….oh and let’s not forget watching glee!!

  32. Im a wee bit tipsy so I cant contribute anything insightful or constructive to this thread, but what I will say is that the pub down the road from my house is selling cheap pints and also gin and tonics for a fiver so….THIS ROUND’S ON ME LADIES!! (all caps because it’s both exciting and serious as the pub is closed soon. Hurry!)

  33. We brought Christmas to hospital as my father is recovering from surgery from cancer, but it was still the regular affair of too much wine, bickering, and my mother falling into some sort hypochondriac dramatics as my father gets a bit too controlling.

    Now I’m chilling at home w/ properly vodka-y glögg & Christmas dubstep which is makin my night (http://8tracks.com/smurph/all-i-want-for-christmas-is-dubstep)

    Tomorrow we have American Christmas! Today was julafton which we (within my family) give small presents and have Swedish dinner and dinner, and tomorrow we sit around the tree and have American food and deal with those traditions! So much Christmas. It feels like a marathon but instead of drinking water every so often it’s just more vodka.

  34. Got dragged to church for the first time since last Christmas Eve. Amused myself by trying to make the girl I used to babysit, who was altar serving, crack up on the altar by making funny faces at her. My parents are concerned about my maturity level.

    I thought we were heading to my aunts’ house like twenty minutes ago. I really just want to sit in my room and read Mockingjay… I blew threw the first two Hunger Games books in the last 36 hours.

    I must say I am very amused that the Maddow has caught on as a unit of measurement.

    • Wait, what? Maddow wasn’t ALWAYS a unit of measurement?!
      Kidding. I wish there was a progressive school out there that taught the Maddow system instead of whatever I barely retained post-elementary ed. Would’ve been more helpful in these baby gay years.

  35. My devoutly catholic Aunt may have guessed my queerness without my saying anything and sent a coded ‘I KNOW’ gift of an outdoor vacuum flask.

    I mean, jeez, it’s the middle of Summer. And I already have two.

  36. I forgot my socks. My feet are so cold, y’all.
    I’m celebrating with my mom’s side of the family right now, and since none of them give a flying Maddow what I wear, all I packed was my warm, comfy, boyish clothing.
    Selective amnesia made me forget that after this I get to go see my dad’s side of the family in Texas, who I am not out to, and who will not appreciate my dapper stylings.
    But it’s okay! I’m full of cookies and have access to the internet, so life is good.

  37. Oh, here’s a blog I did on some of the Christmas music I love. It features a heavy metal Silent Night and Alan Cumming and Liza Minnelli making Baby It’s Cold Outside a whole lot less date-rapey.

  38. I was really sick yesterday. My girlfriend is in Florida. My grandma made my favorite meal and now I feel woozy. Bah humbug.

  39. I will be spending Christmas with an amazing friend who invited me last minute to her own family’s gatherings (after my ex broke up w/ me 2 weeks ago- fun!)
    But her family likes wine and yummy cheeses, so I feel like life will be swell!

  40. I got tipsy on fruit cider and whisky, professed my love to a girl via text, and now I’m watching Nightmare Before Christmas and pretending Jack is a hot girl crossdressing, so (s)he and Sally have adorable gay babies. Happy holigays to us all!

  41. I’m spending Christmas at an orphanage in Central America surrounded by missionaries and pretending to be a straight Christian girl. There won’t be any alcohol. Pause for horror.

    But right now I’m watching CNN Heroes and Chris Colfer just came on, so it’s not all bad.

  42. I just had to run out to get ingredients to make my own vegetarian dinner. I picked up some booze on the way, so things were looking up, or they were until I got home. Then my dad asked if I wanted chicken. If he can’t accept vegetarianism after more than ten years, I feel like coming out isn’t gonna go well. So, I just am not going to for now. More booze in this here closet, plz.

      • People often seem to get personally offended by my vegetarianism. Like just the fact that I don’t want to eat meat means that I must hate them for eating meat. I’ve actually had more success telling people I’m gay then telling them I’m a vegetarian.

    • If it makes you feel any better, my parents are accepting of my homogayness but not of my vegetarianism.

      My friend was telling me some theory the other day about how when kids become vegetarian parents feel like you’re rejecting their cooking and by extension, them.

    • This makes me sad. I made vegetarian mushroom wellington for the second Christmas in a row and everyone loved it. Last Christmas about 5 people asked me for the recipe and this Christmas my nephew’s grandpa who is totally into meat ate like half of it. They used to make jokes about my vegetarianism but now not so much. I think winning them over with delicious vegetarian food totally helped, either that or the strawberry basil vodka cocktails I made this year made everyone extra merry.

  43. We rolled up to church at quarter to 6, only to realize that the service started at 5. Rolled home. Like a boss.
    Homemade manicotti is now warming in the oven, cheesecake is cooking on the counter. I still haven’t wrapped any presents. BUT. I did find my dad’s Lagavulin. As we say in the old country, delicioso.
    Also, I’ve been dutifully taking my vitamin D tablets liberally applying coconut oil to my arms all week, so I smell like a beach in my semi-successful attempts to stave off the winter sadness. Winning-ish.

  44. Yay, I get to have a fight with my dad about whether the outfit I’m wearing is dressy enough for church. His real objection is that it contains menswear, but he won’t say it because that would mean having to acknowledge that I’m gay and butch. So he instead comes up with all sorts of ridiculous excuses and I deflect them until he gets so mad that he yells at me and says things like “Because I said so” and forgets that I’m twenty years old. Unfortunately, as soon as he says things like that I revert to being seventeen again and say something equally obnoxious, and off we go until I wind up putting on some old girl clothes that don’t fit and are horribly uncomfortable (never mind making me dysphoric), and then I have to put up with being told how nice I look.

    Joy to the world.

    • :( i’m sorry that happens, i hope when you get home you can change into comfy clothes that don’t make you feel bad.

      • ***OH DEAR GOD…. I may have just reported you…damn iPhone… I pressed ‘back’ repeatedly until it went away… I don’t know what happened… please ignore my drunken misuse of my phone…. I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!***

        Went smashingly….. As in, I drank and got smashed/plastered/shit faced with my little bro…

    • In other family fun news topics discussed at christmas lunch included, but were not limited to:

      -If you ever even think about using marijuana it will result in unavoidable schizophrenia
      -Women who use pain killers during child birth are weak
      -Marijuana will case psychosis
      -Marijuana will make you rob banks, and lead to the use of painkillers during child birth….

      Funnily enough, my dad is the secret pot head whilst I barely touch the stuff!! TAKE THAT STRAIGHT AND NARROW GRANDPARENTS!!!!

      (Also, the fact that people like my well timed hair removal makes me feel like I won all the Christmases ever)

  46. I am hiding from my friends and family in the downstairs office of my mum’s house, looking at tumblr. And listening to “Higher Power” by Jens Lekman over and over. (“At the Christmas party / I hold your hair when you vomit”.) My five-year-old niece is telling inappropriate jokes about death and I started the day with beer. I have high hopes that the evening will pass with a minimum of dysfunction, seeing as there has only been one horrifying incident so far this season. Happy Yuletide everybody!

    • I woke up this morning and finished the whisky that was still by my bed from the night before. Yuletide greetings, indeed.

  47. To make myself feel awesome (rather than shitty) about not being out to my family and hometown friends, I’m pretending to be a super secret, undercover gay spy! Avoiding pronouns like a boss, reading Tipping the Velvet late at night, surreptitiously checking out girls at the super market and sneakily minimizing Autostraddle at the sound of approaching footsteps. I’m the best gay spy ever, and I feel awesome. Happy holigays, Autostraddlers! I hope you feel awesome wherever you are.

    • Gay spy! I love this!
      I can now guarantee this will pop into my head next time I’m out and about, and I’ll end up doing that thing where you’re walking along laughing, seemingly at nothing, by yourself, and everyone you pass gives you an odd look, which just makes the urge to laugh even worse!

  48. I spent christmas with my mom, stepdad and brother and you guys, I can’t believe it – I have to hand in my 80-100 page thesis on february, 7th, and my mom made me a calendar with a gift for every single day that is left!
    I have to admit that it kind of freaked me out, too, because she mentioned the exact number of days I have to go,
    but
    isn’t she the best mom ever???

    she wrapped almost 50 gifts! for hours and hours. I can’t. I just can’t.

  49. Woah what a poor as fuck Xmas. I don’t know whether I want to cry for being a minor, cry for being told “fuck off” by my mom, or laugh at how ridiculous she is. All because I didn’t feel like wrapping the rest of the gifts when I’ve wrapped all the ones this past season. Whatever. I don’t think I’ll ever be the returning home type as I get older. 1 1/2 years… never felt so pissed, confused, and sad at once… Happy Holidays everyone:)

  51. My family knows about me, but this still happened:

    My aunt: “Ar, this is Nick, he’s your second cousin once removed, and he’s a student at UNC. He’s really nice, so I’ll just, uh, leave ya’ll to get to know each other!”

    30 mins later-

    Me: “Auntie, I never met Nick before in my life I don’t know who he is and I don’t care!”
    Aunt: “What if I gave you a good stiff drink of scotch, would that help you “hang out” with him?”

    Because my family would prefer me being in a drunken incestuous relationship to me being in a gay one. Why does my gf have to be a continent away??? RAWR.

  53. This is my first Christmas homeless but it is also my first Christmas in three years with my dad. Fair draw! Right now my parents are in the kitchen talking about identity politics and I am at least 30% sure one of my presents is Indestructible by Cristy C. Road.

  54. I get to work Christmas morning, which sucks, but I opened two of my gifts and they are both T&S related :) I’m so happy that my parents understand the baby dyke in me.

  56. Today I went to the mall to help my dad finish shopping for my mom, which was good because I’d forgotten to get a gift for my godmother. (Oops.) Then we baked cookies with a 2-year-old as the decorating committee. Now said 2-year-old is sleeping and the adults are watching Home Alone on TV and are at the point where we keep saying, “Just one more cookie for me, then I’m done.” I think I’ve said that about 5 times now.

    P.S. – Can I always tell the kid that Santa can’t come bring her presents unless she’s sleeping? That is the best go to sleep bribe ever!

  57. I’m going to need this thread tomorrow. Tonight wasn’t so bad…but tomorrow? Surviving the main event will be a daunting task, indeed.

  58. went by my moms tonight, i came out to my family only 4 months ago, it was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been in my entire life. one of the first things she says to me is “so, why aren’t you spending Christmas with you’re girlfriend’s family” (oh gee mom glad to see you too.) to which i replied “well she isn’t out to her family.” to which i got the super annoying judgmental “Hmm….”

    • Oh man, I had the same conversation the Christmas after I came out to my mom. You have all my sympathy. You’d also have some of my beer, if you were more geographically convenient.

  59. Girlfriend is 2500 miles away drinking cocktails with her parents, and I am trying to motivate myself to finish my laundry before my mother arrives at midnight.

    Words of encouragement? Suggestions as to how I can make things more festive and procrastinate longer – perhaps through use of wrapping ribbon and beer?

  60. it’s way better than last christmas when i had to babysit my drunk mother at midnight mass (she showed up to the bar i worked at and closed the place then begged me to take her to mass) she isn’t catholic and isn’t a functioning drunk either. she had an interesting moment with the holy water.

  61. My brother just told me that his favorite part of the holidays is when my family fights about politics. The lone anti-Fox Newser… this homo. Oh well, I’ve had 20+ cookies today, so Happy Holidays everyone!

  62. I drove 6.5 hours to see my mom’s side of the family – they’ve been happily watching movies and drinking since about 2. However, my mom busted out with this gem – “I don’t think gay couples should be allowed to adopt”. I’m not out to anyone but her. It made for a very awkward silence. Then I’ve got to leave at 4am to get to my dad’s. His family is old-blood catholic and highly conservative/homophobic.But on the plus side, I’ll get to chill with my 3 year old cousin. She’s pretty cool.

  63. I just had an argument with one of my colleagues at the office christmas party, because I was not allowed to help clean tech stuff up because I was a girl. The entire party was fab (we played Rockband all night, and I got to sing multiple Pixies songs while playing bass) but he had to poop all over it. Very very annoyed.

    Tomorrow will be better. I am taking my gigantic tomcat to my parents in an equally gigantic carrier basket and I am extremely excited that he gets to be with me over Christmas. <3

    • Better. I was on ASS-chat this morning, and we helped each other get dressed and braided each others hair and such. I love you guys.

  64. My family has been weirdly into celebrating Hanukkah this year, which I am not complaining about! We played dreidel and I kicked everyone’s asses. The giant pile of crappy chocolate I received as my prize tasted awful and so sweet at the same time. (No, really, it was awful. Mostly *because* it was way too sweet.)

    We’re all getting along suspiciously well. I don’t know if I can come out to them when they’re not being assholes! (If I do come out, they’ll probably start again.)

    Anyway. I mostly plan to bake lots and lots of delicious things. I live in San Diego, so if anyone is bored and wants to make cookies, feel free to send me a message.

  65. I miss big family holidays. The joy/misery combination just felt like the holidays. This year…I will be slinging lattes for 5 hours. I might bring whiskey.

      • But there is a cute kitty in your picture! I always feel so sad for the people working at starbucks on christmas. Although if I show up needing a latte, it’s because my family finally made me snap, so you’re doing a public service, really.

        • I am more then jolly to the worn out looking person ordering a latte. (I sometimes even offer an extra shot of espresso to pretty ladies if I’m not rushed) :) it’s the people of feel they are entitled that get to me.

  66. I’m in the Philippines, 8,000 miles away from my blood family, but I’m hanging out with my brother-of-choice and drinking cheap wine while playing Dungeons & Dragons. Best Christmas ever?

  67. My mother just said in response to a compliment to me by my uncle, “well she IS gay, so…”. As a put down. Like I may have just done exceeding well in my courses this semester, but I’m gay so it doesn’t even matter.

    Ugh. When will New Years be here? Kissing my lady all night? Yes please.

  68. Got in a fight with my mother about my sexuality within 30 hours of being home. She told me that my coming out to her this past summer was the worst thing that had ever happened to her, that I make her uncomfortable, and that it’ll take her a lifetime to get over it. But of course, that she still loves me. Other than a short trip to go curse out the family therapist yesterday, I haven’t been able to get out of bed. I just want to go back to school.

  69. My dad told my aunt that I’m gay when I wasn’t paying attention tonight (Don’t worry he had my permission). Now I’m getting all these texts from her and her wife that say things like “only the coolest people are gay” and “guess we know which side of the family your genes come from”.

    This is 100 Maddow awesome. And also a little strange because I’ve never been exceptionally close to them before.

  70. “It’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.”

    -Featuring Mary Lou Retton & the Solid Gold Dancers.

    Sorry, I just felt like writing both those things. Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah, everyone!

  71. Went to my dad’s for Christmas Eve. He was super excited, he made his own cranberries, it was adorbs. We talked history and politics, watched some Star Wars Christmas videos on YouTube, and then watched A Charlie Brown Christmas, which I brought over. I came home, decorated my mini tree (all Disney-themed decorations!). Gonna go to bed soon, and go over to my best friend’s for brunch, tomorrow.

  72. After a glass of wine, my father is ranting about how Good King Wenceslas shouldn’t be classified as a Christmas Carol, because it’s not about Jesus. There’s not enough liquor in the world…

  73. the only thing i have accomplished today is making complex alcoholic beverages
    the only thing i will accomplish tomorrow is riding my christmas bicycle and drinking
    i deem this holigay a success even with my ridiculous family drama

  75. my family is suspicious of my education. but i made pumpkin pie and pumpkin cookies, so i guess that makes it ok.

  76. I went to my dad’s house which is stressful in itself because he’s besties with someone who did awful things to me as a child… and he pulled me aside and told me to stop being upset that everyone but me gets extravagant presents. Last year my grandma gave me Gladware for my birthday and my brother a trip to England for his. Last year my five siblings got $200+ ipods from my dad in addition to the equally-priced presents all six of us got… I got nothing extra. Last year my sister got a car for Christmas even though she didn’t even have a learner’s permit. I’m not exactly resentful of any of that except the trip to England, but I’m not going to pretend like it doesn’t exist.

    My dad says everyone else gets more nice stuff because I’m more self-motivated and work extra hard to take care of myself. It’s good to know that in our family, the lazier you are, the more expensive presents you get. Do you work so hard you have a nervous breakdown just trying to afford ramen? Great, no ipod for you. Sigh. It’s actually better now that I have disposable income. It hurt like a knife wound last year when I had just gotten out of the hospital and couldn’t afford a cup of soda.

    Oh yeah, and then he brought up how I needed to pay a $700+ medical bill I WASN’T EVEN SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO PAY AND COULD HAVE GOTTEN MY OLD INSURANCE TO PAY IF HE’D SENT ME THE DAMNED THING ONE OF THE FIRST 5 TIMES I ASKED HIM TO SEND IT TO ME. *cry* I really think he should pay it, or at least half of it, since it’s his fault I have to pay the stupid thing at all! raaawwwwr.

    Fuck Christmas. Next year, me and my Family of Choice (probably my brother, my girlfriend, and some other close friends/family) are going on a cruise somewhere hot with expensive drinks, and the words “Merry” and “Christmas” will be banned, lol.

  77. Spending today and tomorrow with some extended fam, and I’m almost to the end of a horrible, drawn-out breakup (involving lawyers). My aunt says, “how did you ever get together with [awful ex]?” I sidestep the question, and she goes on to say, “really, how? even when you were dating guys they were all lemons… [super judge-y tone of voice]…” This is actually true, but mean. I was getting ready to get all upset but then I realized her comment was not about my life, it was about the fact that she’s an asshole. My therapist would be so proud! Thanks for being here, AS.

  78. i’m five glasses deep in champagne and it seems like an appropriate time for a pre-christmas joint. maybe A Christmas Story (1983) maybe a Charlie Brown Christmas. decisions decisions.

  79. I am having the first Christmas experience where I have finally reached a comfortable understanding with my family over being my own person. But I am utterly in love with this woman, that I have been unable to ask out for almost a year now(petrified of rejection). All I can do is think about her and wish that I was spending the holidays with her, so this is a completely self made mess that is weighing down Christmas. Debbie Downer is my new identity for the holidays.

    Christmas is a time of year that shows you what you are thankful for and what is missing in your life. I am thankful for champagne!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  80. The fact that Christmas is happening without my beloved grandma is so freaking hard. She died in July and every time I think of her I start crying. I have cried a lot today.
    I spent Christmas Eve with my parents being sad while my partner of seven years went to her aunt’s house. I don’t go to family events with her family because every time I did, someone or another would make a point to ask me why I was there and not with my own family in a super judgemental way…no one talked to me or included me and it was pretty damn terrible so I just stopped. Bleh. I am hating Christmas right about now. :-(

  81. Finished 15 hours of driving and made it to my grandfather’s in Kelowna. Found the one open restaurant for dinner. Hijacking a neighbors wifi is the only thing keeping me sane.

  82. My girlfriend is living with us (complicated home situation with her family) and my mom’s mom is here for the weekend… She’s the extra-Catholic sort who has flyers against gay marriage in her car.

    This is already a great weekend.

  83. Not traveling for Christmas because of my work schedule. Staying at home with my ex who hasn’t moved out yet. it’s definitely not the best Christmas ever, that’s for sure! But I am planning on eating lots of amazing food, so that is a win.

  84. my partner has been swept under rug here at my parents’ house for the past 2.5 years. mustering bravery to pull her back out, their comfort levels be damned. ugh.

    • The fact you continued the carpet metaphor made me chuckle, their comfort vs your cuddles? Cuddles 100 Maddow.

  85. My girlfriend has been teaching me how to play guitar and I have secretly been learning how to play/sing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” for the past month. After 11 takes it’s finally uploading to Youtube to send to her as an appropriately timed Christmas gift.

    For the record, I’m the worlds worst singer and this is the most nerve-wracking thing I’ve done in YEARS you guys! FEELINGS!

    • That’s super fucking adorable. I feel like being the second worst singer in the world (sorry, I’m the first, I’m sure of it) won’t matter even a little bit. How could she not melt at that? She totally will.

  86. Celebrated last night with lots of boozamohol (booze+alcohol= my favorite new word) and sweet lady kisses. Happy Holigays indeed.

  87. I just starred in my own version of My Drunk Kitchen: Abby’s Mom’s Breakfast Casserole edition. So, that happened. Before that I had fondue with beer and wine and Irish coffee and also a shot of Triple Sec (what?)
    that was fun.
    Tomorrow I have to get up at 8am to watch toddlers open presents and then go back to sleep while the rest of my family goes to church.

  88. I am getting drunk, by myself right now. Just finished dinner with the sisters and parents(after working all day), now scrolling though tumblr and drinking rum and ginger ale. I fucking hate the holiday season. I hate what it does to people, I hate the obnoxious music, I hate the bulshit “war on xmas” and so called christians whining about being persecuted. I hate xmas movies, I hate xmas decorations. Fuck you xmas. And while I’m at it, fuck every holiday that isn’t halloween.
    I may be hungover for xmas breakfast at my brother’s tomorrow. I’m going to play some Lego batman and continue drinking

  89. Um so, my grandfather made me wash the dishes at his house after dinner. Which I would have been happy to do! It would have been fine! I am not averse to being helpful!

    UNTIL that he tells my brother he doesn’t help because “this is the kind of work ladies are good at.”

    OH NO. OH HELLLLLL NO

  90. So I’m extremely drunk and these efficient

    I am extremely drunk and these minors wont stop starring at me!!!!! I’m keeping. As far s possible. Its been a fun fun night but I think I Maty need to go home and get on asschat. I don’t need these queer kids asking me about my private life. Need to get awayyyyyyyyyyy. Also I think I figured out my problem with older laydies……..liquid courage!!!!!!

  92. Btw, what’s the worst holiday present you guys have ever gotten? Mine was a blue plaid poncho and a mining head lamp from my Great Aunt Mary. The poncho because “It’s so darling” and the head lamp because “The walk to school is so dark this time of year.”

    • An alarm clock that was hidden in my room and woke me up Christmas morning by yelling “get up! do you want to be flipping burgers the rest of your life?!” thanks Grandpa. (I was 12.)

    • This year My brother bought me; Washing up liquid, a dolphin figurine, a cuddley toy from a movie i’ve never watched, a Christmas colouring book and a bag of Brussel Sprouts..

      • how old is he?

        one year, my (now 9-year-old) sister collected heart-shaped stones, wrote stuff on them and gave them to people.

        I would still say it was a sweet present and not the worst I ever got, but my stone was extra large and on it she had written”

        “because you live so far away, you get the biggest stone!”

        well,thanks.

        • OHMYGOD. that’s so cute! Did it cost a lot in shipping? :P

          My brother is 19.. he is just shite at Christmas :(

          • no, actually it was a stone that I could carry myself – like, in my hand ;) – but still I liked the idea of giving the heaviest gift to the person who had the longest way back home, and had to go by train. :)

            yeah, your brother probably bought gifts for you that he wanted to have himself? ;)

          • Haha, it’s weight in your backpack reminding you of her love through tired shoulders and painful bag straps ALL THE WAY HOME :P

            He usually does that, therefore I have every episode of family guy (although I’m not complaining!) but no, this year was anything he could find on a 15 min lunch break for the fiver in his pocket… good haul i’d say ;)

          • exactly. “drag my love home with you”

            we suspect it was some inner-family revenge thing. there’s this story about me when I was three-ish; I once made my parents carry a shit load of stones from the beach to my grandparents house because my granddad was building a pond in their garden…

            …they still thank me.

          • my brother is also 19! he is anti-christmas but was kind enough to provide me with a card he found. and inform me that gifts are of non-importance when i told him i got him something. okay, well…hope you enjoy it anyways? sigh

  93. Survived the evening, thanks to begging my friend to come with me as moral support. She owed me, okay? Now I owe her big time.

    Tonight’s entertainment included: the eccentric millionaire uncle, the opera singer, the dentists, the foreign friend of the hostess nobody else knows, the hardcore Scientologists, the laid-back Scientologists, and the creepily talented eleven-year-old pianist/violinist/master of Wii Fencing. And here I was worried she’d be bored.

  94. so far my christmas is watching all of the office christmas episodes…i love the benihana one the most of all.
    tomorrow awkward/tense family time will commence in various seattle suburbs for several hours. i’ll be relying on the wine.
    but most christmas-y of all i am leaving really late tomorrow for three weeks in CHILE: yay sun and mi otra familia!!

    • Oh, cool, you’re coming down here? Where are you visiting? I’d advice to brush up on your Spanish cause there aren’t that many people round here with a half-decent level of English.lots of people will try,though. good luck.

      • I’m not sure, though I know i’ll spend some time in Santiago, and new year’s in Vina, where I lived before, then maybe head down to los angeles or further south?

  95. Woke up early, had three cups of tea before 8am, discussing Life and The Future with my Mum while she made a trifle.

    I feel like this is a good start to X-Mas Day.

    She just knocked on the door and asked if I wanted another cuppa.

    Things are pretty perfect.

    Merry Festival-of-Choice everyone!

    • I love hearing about nice families, especially since there are so many weird and homophobic ones.
      I hope your day turned out great!

  96. It’s late Christmas afternoon here in Guangzhou. I’m on the other side of the planet away from my family for the first time in my life, and it’s really hard.
    Went to the interdenominational/expat church this morning hoping for a nice, traditional Christmas service. Instead, it was a “testimony” service. I heard about how God has helped several people with such issues as finding a husband and overcoming lust/love of porn. And then we maybe prayed for help in converting the rest of China to Christianity? It was pretty evangelical for my tastes.
    But now I’m home, curled up in bed and watching “Make the Yuletide Gay” while eating oranges. I can’t wait for it to be a decent hour to Skype home.

  97. Today someone offered me her 18-year-old son’s sperm so I could have a baby and she could be a grandma. So, um, that happened.

  98. I celebrate an annual tradition of building and sleeping in a blanket fort on Christmas Eve, and this year was definitely the best fort yet. Probably because of autostraddle somehow. Also I have approximately $300 to spend on extremely queer clothing, much to the dislike of my mother. #winning

    Other than that, had a casual day with the extended family, was quite lovely. Haha.

  99. So it’s about noon here. Last night I was talked into attending church with my mum, dad and granddad. In exchange my parents are coming on the Pride March in Glasgow next year. I was also a leetle bit drunk so was swaying a wee bit during the carols/hymns where we had to stand up. Not as bad as my dad though who almost fell asleep. Then when we got home we were allowed to open one present each. My parents had bought me the ‘Make the Yuletide Gay’ hat from everyoneisgay.com. I also got some amazingly comfortable pyjama lounge bottoms from some fancy shop in Portugal and a Topman gift card.
    My parents and their acceptance of my queerness is probably the best thing about Christmas this year since it’s the 10th ‘out’ Christmas. So in recognition of this massively fucking privileged Christmas I donated £50 ($77) to the Albert Kennedy Trust which supports LGBT 16-25yr olds who are made homeless or living in a hostile environment.
    Throw in the food and booze-a-thon that commences in about twenty minutes and the only way this holiday could get better is if my girlfriend was here and not in Boston, but I can’t really begrudge her that since she only gets home once a year.

    Happy Holigays guys, whatever you are/aren’t celebrating.

  100. Spending christmas with my mom’s family…for the first time in like 3 years. That should be interesting.

    Also- I went to Target the other day to try to find a Barbie doll for my niece (who is 6). There were no black barbies on the shelves (just mountains of white ones)…This made me slightly emo.

    So she’s getting a Polly Pocket friendship set (complete with a token black and Asian figurine)…no bueno, dude.

  102. I’m currently curled up in my childhood bed (and by that I mean, the bed I largely still slept in when I wasn’t on someone’s couch until I moved out (hopefully for the last time) four glorious months ago) and listening to this song on repeat: http://youtu.be/JdmYBVYDzLI

    I can’t help it. It’s so catchy.

    Also, this: “And here you are, with sugarplums and lemurs dancing about in your head, maybe.” My mother sponsored an aye-aye for me through the World Wildlife Fund, so I demonstrated with the little stuffed animal that came with the certificate how aye-ayes’ ecological niche in Madagascar is basically like a woodpecker’s. It’s a burden being this cool, you guys.

  103. My mom got me gay socks for Christmas! If I was ever unsure about how wholeheartedly she supports me, she has cleared it up with like ten pairs of rainbow socks.

    Merry Christmas, everyone!

    • my brother gave me a shirt with rainbows exploding out of a zebra! Then my mom asked what “the significance of it is” and I told her it is the flag of my people!!! We’ve come a long way because she laughed and was genuinely amused by my comment rather than awkwardly chuckling and changing the subject :)

      • This seems like a stellar shirt! Though I do wonder which end they’re exploding out of… Cheers for disappearing awkwardness!

        • Hahaha it’s coming out of the part that the lion is biting! Its a super gay zebra cause it’s bleeding rainbow :)
          And I thought I couldn’t love zebras any more than I already did!

  104. My parents bought me lots of pink super feminine things. Is there another daughter in this house I don’t know about? Because its like they were buying for kris kindle they never met before.

  105. Having to make my once a year visit to my fundamentalist christian parents from the South who firmly believe in gender roles (favorite quote: “That’s why God hates divorce”) is pretty miserable. But, there is a light in the darkness, and it is the massive pile of log rounds in the backyard that need to be split and this beautiful thing called a maul axe. I spent half of yesterday in the backyard, wearin’ my lumberjack plaid, whistlin’ up a storm, splittin’ wood, and pretending I’m a homesteader alone in the mountains and nobody is around to be a bother. SO. SATISYING. If you have never chopped wood, try it someday. Especially if you can use a maul axe. It’s like a sledgehammer and an axe all at the same time. Second favorite quote: “You shouldn’t do that, you’ll get calluses on your hands and muscly arms. You’re a lady, remember?”

  107. I spent Christmas Eve with my mom and her friends (who I’m not out to). They spent part of the cocktail conversation talking about some kids they saw on TV. One was intersex, the other was a boy who liked to “dress like a princess.” The general conclusion of the table was that they were glad that these people got to live their lives and be happy, as well as concern about bathroom safety.

    Guys, if that isn’t a Christmas miracle, I don’t know what is.

  108. celtics, indian pizza from zante’s, baking bread, housemate’s indian christmas party, getting plastered. unanticipated drunk indian christmas here i come! happy holidays everyone!

  109. My mother got me a sports bra with built-in-boobs for Christmas??

    …

    Anddd I just hung up my Grandmother’s floor-length black fur coat and my Grandpa winked at me and said, “That will be your yours some day.” Dear God, no.

  110. So I’m at my gay bff/platonic gf’s house for Christmas because my siblings are all scattered over the country and my parents are dicks. We opened presents last night, between the two of us we now have THREE pillow pets–and she also framed me a pic of one of my fav derby girls (MAIDEN AMERICA FROM NAPTOWN, MARRY ME).

    And then we got to spoon, even though her family is pretty conservative and kinda thinks we’re dating even tho she has clearly stated that we are not. Several times. We went to mass last night and her mom keeps asking me about politics (they support Ron Paul) and Catholic things and pro life things. I’m very good at dodging the questions politely.

    today we ate a lot of gluten free muffins and bacon, and her entire extended family is coming over, and there will be prime rib, and I’m excited.

    My dad is in the hospital with pancreatitis and I don’t know if I should call or not. Because they’re totally not okay with the gay thing. At all. But it’s Christmas and he’s in the hospital? But I don’t want to be in contact with them unless they will accept me. So complex. I’m pretty torn here.

    • I feel like you will ultimately do what is best for you. Let us know how it goes! At least you are in a position that if you do decide to call, you can do so holding your bff’s hand, if you want.

      Also: Awesome job with the question dodging! That’s a skill I need to learn to master.

      • So I didn’t call, I thought about it while drinking and then I got drunk. Rum and rice nog are a dangerous (dangerously DELICIOUS) combo. Woop. So I played a lot of ping pong and had a lot of feelings and ate a lot of prime rib.

        And gay bff made me bacon AGAIN this morning. Best.

    • I would kill for a new meatloaf pan. Okay, maybe not kill. But I can see how that wouldn’t be so exciting for everyone.

        • who says you’re the top? i mean come on i’m an “ncaa athlete” and super cool so lets be honest. they were trying to help you get on my level. also the meatloaf pan kicks every other christmas present in the face.

          Air quotes added by a very indignant Intern Grace. Also the multi-tool totally kicks the meatloaf pan in the face.

  114. Well, we started the day by shaving the dog’s legs because he thinks that mud puddles are a year-round Christmas present. So.

    There’s also an accidental group-text fest going on right now, since someone forgot to turn off group messaging, so my phone sounds like a casino. It’s actually pretty great texting back and forth with a bunch of strangers about Christmas.

      • Nobody judges like a mom can. Despite that, I still miss my mom all the time, especially during the holidays.

  115. 4 people cried before noon at my place of festivities. To be fair, three were from joy/overwhelming good emotions and the other is five, but man, does this day feel like a soap opera right now.

  116. Took mom to the LGBTQ art gallery at which I volunteer. In front of a photo/personal statement of a semi-nude trans* couple:

    Mom: “I guess she had a mastectomy, oh dear. Maybe it was cancer.”
    Me: “That’s a guy, mom.”
    Mom: (embarrassed for me) “Shush! That’s a woman, Maryann!”
    Me: “Nope. That’s a guy. He was assigned female when he was born, but he’s always been a guy. See the essay he wrote?”
    Mom: “Ooooh. Well he looks very nice in that photo with his girlfriend!”

    Soooo…. awkward but ultimately productive?

    She has also taken to referring to my girlfriend as my partner, which is a little strange, but she is trying so hard.

  117. Still hanging out with the puppy, I’ve used up all my paper towels cleaning up after her. I’d forgotten how much work a pup is. I’ve got to bring her back to the shelter tomorrow, she’s been adopted and will go to her forever home.

    No drinking for me, it took me all day Wednesday to recover from a drunken all nighter.

    I have received some awesome homemade clam chowdah, which is incredibly rare around here, some dark chocolate/creme de menthe brownies and some weed. My friends know me so well. I think I’ll have a smoke, eat brownies and watch “A Christmas Story” and the Buffy Christmas episode.

    Sounds okay to me!

  118. First Christmas meal as a vegetarian – done.
    Actually got more remarks about my tie than about my tofu. so.

  119. My gf do 2.5 years that I adore told me last week she doesn’t know if she’s in love with me anymore, I’ve been sick all week, and my mom just started crying because she’s embarrassed that her memory is failing and she says she can’t remember a lot of her life anymore. What a shitty Christmas.

  121. I’m in Texas and it’s way too cold and wet and rainy. I miss the days when it was 80 degrees on Christmas. I’ll probably be alone for most of the holiday since the girl I want to be with isn’t talking to me. My southern baptist family is annoying to be around for more than a hour. They don’t like that my little brother is gay and if I come out to them in a drunken rage from all of their stupid comments, then they won’t like me either. Good thing my mom is okay with it. Word for word what she told me after my little brother came out(a year after I came out to her): “Well…I guess I had a little extra fabulous in my uterus.” Even with that I don’t want to be around my family right now. I mostly want to drink and play Plants vs. Zombies all day.
    This is comment is full of bad grammar. Sorry, I am on my fourth vodka and cranberry.

  122. I miss my dog so much : ( And my dad and my ex-girlfriend and my old city and my old life. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry and cuddle with someone till this day is over.

  123. who’s gonna get trashed this christmas besides me?!!
    gf went home for christmas and i’m all alone in our appt.

  124. I spent Christmas Eve celebrating Jewmas/Day Quatro of Hanukkah with some friends eating chinese food, drinking copious amounts of wine and watching How I Met Your Mother.

    I spent the evening fighting off Santa who kept trying to kidnap me and bring me to peoples houses. He’s still working on a good air-hole concept.

    Today i’m going to do an erotic snow dance because I want to make snow angels and it’s too warm outside, eat some eggs and read to my hearts content. Everyone’s welcome to join me.

  125. my 17 year old brother was so excited that i got him “feminism is for everybody” for xmas. best little bro ever!

    • last year, my then 15-year-old brother explained to our mother, why the twilight series is offensive and misogynistic.

      this year he said “of course I know kathleen hanna and bikini kill”
      WHAT?
      now I get to make him an all-female mix-cd. so excited!

  126. I’m in Ireland spending Christmas with my extended family, and I’m in a surprisingly good mood despite the excess of relatives. I’m only out to my immediate family and a few of my cousins – I don’t see the need to tell the rest of them, seeing as I have been living in the US since I was 10.

    I miss Vermont. :(

  127. My grandparents came over. My grandpa started us off with a “joke” making fun of Obama. Then it was straight up political debate… And I’m the only one who leans liberal. Fun.
    I found out that my aunt, who had divorced her husband Tim a while ago, got married on Tuesday. To another Tim. And apparently my cousin had been married?!? But she’s going to get a divorce… She’s now dating the step-brother of her old boyfriend and he’s moving in with her and her parents (my aunt and Tim).
    And my grandpa delivered a heartfelt plea to my mom that she reconcile with her sister (this same aunt) because they don’t talk and basically hate each other. Which is why I knew none of the things about her or my cousin.
    The scary part is that my dad’s side is the side with the most drama… That’ll be great.

  128. so i was just watching a christmas movie with the parentals and a christian singles commercial came on. my mom suggested i make an account on it to find a nice guy and she was completely serious. so obviously i’m not out to the family yet. OMG my life, you guys. but! i may come out to her sometime in the coming days, who knows!

  129. On my first Christmas as a pescatarian, my dad made the most delicious crab cakes for me. it was awesome! hope they’re as understanding about the gay thing as the veggie/pescatarian thing…still not out yet, but hopefully I will be by next Christmas. <3 wish me luck!

    (also good luck to everyone who did/will come out this Christmas, and all my closet buddies. love you.)

  130. Covert drunkish at my parents house after being extravagantly drunk iends’s house whilst watching Le Grinch. Mentally preparing to head to a mosque full of judgemental fuddy-duddys by reading these Xmas confessionals. Happy Feelings Day, straddlers

  131. So first Christmas out to my family!

    This morning my mom made a joke about how I like women AND IT WAS ACTUALLY FUNNY!!! And this is from someone who I thought would never really accept my gayness.

    My cousin just made a crack about how one new years there wasn’t any space left to sleep so I slept in a closet. OH THE IRONY. And now everyone can’t stop laughing.

    Also, my little brother wants to talk about gender roles and feminism by the fire. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

    • Congratulations!! That all sounds so great :) it’s my first christmas out too and things are going surprisingly well! I’m especially excited for dinner cause my mom’s good lesbian friend and my super supportive aunt are coming for dinner and I feel like the jokes will start to fly haha

      I hope the rest of your day keeps going well!!!

  132. my family was annoying me so much last night that i decided to come out to a friend i’ve been terrified of telling. because i knew that she would respond positively despite my panic and so the relief would hopefully wash away the annoyance. it worked pretty well, actually, tbh. (the panic to relief ratio of telling my family was too high for that to work. so i did the next best thing.)

  133. I am very happy that my mom and I have figured out a compromise. I don’t need or want many holiday presents, but she enjoys purchasing them and wrapping them. Now she buys presents for my cats. Everyone wins (especially the cats).

  134. I just wanted to pop by to say I love all of you and also that I have had a very merry Christmas so far, and, I think, a very Autostraddle Christmas. I got Kafka by the Shore and a Sunbeam for Christmas, I ate that Christmas Breakfast Casserole this morning, I watched my kitties playing outside when I woke up, listened to some gay music (George Michael’s Faith, another present), and had my sister’s friends compliment my androgynous style. :D And cocktails later tonight!

    Anyway, I’m so grateful for you in my life, all of you. Just thanks. And hugs all round. It’s my first Christmas being out, and I know I’m lucky that it’s been a good one. I hope that all of you who have had less than great holidays this year find comfort on this site as well, and have a queer new year. <3

  135. This is the first Christmas Day that I’ve had to work. Luckily me and a bunch of other Missoula strays are gathering for a Feliz Navidachos party later tonight. Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like nachos, beer and classic holiday movies.

  138. Gem from the fam: well I had to move out because I found out my roommate wasn’t a catholic. WHAT DO I DO? Its like interacting w hetero/suburban cartoons

  139. My super conservative, religious family loved my pink hair and whooped and hollered while my seven year old little boy cousin sang and danced to Lady Gaga on his ipod. Kind of a great Christmas.

  140. thank you people for saving me today! during a wonderful lunch with three male relatives who are conservative,homophobic and classist. I cannot tell you how much fun I had. made worse by my mum’s prohibition of phones at the table. I put in a few trips to the toilet to read this thread.

    brother-in-the law regaled us with how when he lived in spain he was horrified at how liberal they were, how gay people had their own beaches and how they acted like it was all normal.

    then he said he saw guys kissing on tv and was disgusted. and how dared they air that on our national tv?

    then my brother proceeded to comment on his trips and how he came across a fag cruise and there were faggots everywhere

    fun,fun,fun.
    then they went on to whine about poor people and how annoying they were and how they ruined beaches when they went for a picnic.

    mercifully I managed to sneak off later. a few hours later the whole extended family came over and they’re not so bad. heternormative as hell but it could be worse. as long as they don’t set me up or organise a “girls night” like they threatened, it’s ok.

    at least there was no discussion of gay rights and religion like other years. cause then I’d be obligated to jump in and my brother and cousin, who’d be on my side, weren’t there. cause they’re even less social than I am, only they have the advantage of being male and therefore don’t need to be there or help out or cook or any of that.
    my grandma didn’t lecture me on not attending mass yesterday. mum didn’t force me to go. so not so bad. I played with my cats. ate. listened,mostly.
    my gifts were alright. big sis gave me a leaf pendant. mum some owl earrings and a batman book I picked out. I also got juggling balls. I wanted the bottle-y things but still, at least someone listened. and didn’t get me the usual girly things I never use or wear.

    I am, however, dreading new year’s eve. what is it about that date that everyone wants to talk about your romantic situation? I can’t wait to hear “so when are you gonna get a boyfriend?”

    I’ll drag my ass to a gay club later,I guess

  141. Happy holidays yall!! I have to say, I’m pretty damn lucky to have the family I do. My day was spent watching l word re-runs with my dad, family calling and asking how my girlfriend was doing in a i’m-genuinely-interested-in-your-life-and-her-wellbeing-and-not-just-being-polite sort of way, and my little-old-lady mom informing me that when we go after christmas shopping, she really wants to try on a pair of air jordans, “just to see what it feels like.” Gotta love them holigays.

  143. Aunt: yeah, those short hair styles are popular (looking at me being all butchy and my cousin with the femme style)

  144. Went to church. Usually I avoid going to church because we’re catholics and I like to claim “THEY REJECT ME AND MY PEOPLE MOM I CAN’T GO” but every year I go and I realize that my parish is actually pretty great. Every year before Christmas Mass our pastor gets up and gives a speech about how everyone is welcome at our church, and he SPECIFICALLY mentions gay people. So in one fell swoop, he annihlates my reasons for not attending mass AND makes me cry a little. Darn those accepting Catholics. It’s a matter of time before the Vatican finds out and smites us dead.

  145. I’m currently in an aircast for my foot so most of my Christmas consisted of my family making fun of the way I walk. Awesome…

    Also, I got a lot of the “you look like Justin Bieber” jokes made complete by all of my presents being wrapped in JB wrapping paper. I love my family.

  146. Because of an unfortunate bit of conversation (or rather something she said while I looked baffled) at family Christmas, I’ve had to resolve to come out to my grandma before I head back to classes. Sad thing is that 95% of that family gathering was good or at least okay, but that one incident is making me feel rather dejected.

  148. watched Beginners (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXUFUp6vsxg) this evening with my Mom. this is a bit significant because it’s one step in the long process of her being okay with the fact that I date women. The premise of the flick is .. a young man comes to grips with the fact that his father has been diagnosed with cancer and out of the closet at the ripe age of 74. a tragic, yet very beautiful film this is. slow at times, yet I encourage you to watch it. maybe even with a family member who might act a bit awkward when you mention how you’ve recently been on a few dates with a hot chick.

    cheers and may the [spiked] egg nog flow as freely as it is here.

  149. I loved hearing about all of your Christmases.

    Somehow this will go down (in my books anyway) as the year when i came out to my immediate fam before going to mass… yes, crazy stupid idea but somehow this topic came up and i wanted to say something in person and didnt know when i’d get a chance if not now and thought it would probably be okay. Pretty sure it was still hugely awkward, but they didn’t freak out and after sort of acknowledging what i’d said in they changed the topic as fast as possible. But that’s okay, I think, since we don’t really talk about Feelings.

    Thank you for existing here and sharing your stories from today and making me feel less alone.

  150. cousin explaining how essential it is for boys to have a father so that they can learn how to be Men. good times.

  151. just some good ‘ol family fun here. i put a marriege equality picture on my door to subtely (sp?) let my family know im gay…no one asked about it…hmm perhaps i should read “annie on my mind” in front of them…anyways, happy holidays to you all!!!!!

    • I’m with Dina on this one.

      I put “gay, gay gay, GAY gay gay” on my facebook and to this day none of my relatives have asked, so…

      • on national coming out day,I wrote “hey it’s national coming out day and I’m queer!”
        so yeah, subtetly hasn’t got a chance against denial.

  152. Aside from my grandmother asking why I’m not dating “that nice boy Paul who you spend so much time with”(my gay bff) I can say in total confidence that I just had the best Christmas of my life!

    Happy Holigays to all and to all a good night :)

  153. 14 derogatory uses of “gay”
    +
    7 uses of “fag”
    +
    3 mentions of going to a good school to find a husband
    +
    8 questions about my post-grad plans
    +
    8 suggestions for my post-grad plans
    +
    4 throwaway insults/stereotypes about gay people
    +
    1 closet
    =
    3 bottles of wine
    +
    1/2 bottle of whiskey
    +
    a pitcher of spiked eggnog (with bendy straws!)

    math has never been my strength but i don’t think that’s nearly enough alcohol consumption for the past four days.

  156. Back home for the first time since starting uni in September.

    Every year, we go to an old family friend’s house for Christmas.
    Only their eldest daughter, a couple of years older than me -and probably her boyfriend, I doubt she’d keep it a secret from him-, knows about my gayness. Nobody in my immediate family knows.

    I’m not sure who comes up with the ideas, but they always have some crazy thing (that I’m never fully comfortable with) planned.

    This year, it was Truth or Dare.
    Yup, Truth or Dare with a bunch of adults. Including my parents.
    Naturally (and perhaps stupidly), I always picked Truth when the bottle landed on me. I swear the floor was uneven or something…

    Also, my mum made a very unsettling comment regarding my friends (from uni), she stalks me on Facebook, you see.

    “I think a lot of Pandora’s friends seem to be gay (in fairness, a lot of them are), or they’re boys that want to be girls, or girls that want to boys or something… I think she makes friends easily because people don’t really see her as a threat. They aren’t afraid of her stealing away their boyfriends or girlfriends.”

    At first, I laughed along with it, but over the course of the day, the comment just started to bug me, and perhaps even hurt a little as well. /sigh

  157. so Christmas Eve went great–my parents, sibling, and I watched the traditional Christmas movie, had our traditional Christmas dinner out at the Indian restaurant, and opened the traditional single Christmas Eve gift.

    Christmas Day we found out my granddad had passed away overnight, and had to drive eight hours to be with my nana and help her with arrangements, etc. It’s been long in coming since he was sick, but it’s still been a shock.

    All I can say is, I’m more thankful than ever for my family this holiday season.

    • on a lighter note, I got a sweeeet pair of cufflinks for Christmas this year, upping my queer dapperness by a factor of 3.

  158. I was having a decent time but I’m sooooo over being at home and I’m ready to go back to school, even though it will mean taking a class I have mixed feelings about. I’m so glad I’m staying at school for my next break in order to participate in IvyQ this year!

  159. This comment is way overdue but I just stumbled upon this Christmas post and spent like an hour reading the comments, which are all awesome in their own right, I was backpacking so I spent Christmas alone to for the first time, thankfully I had autostraddle to spend Christmas with, after Christmas alone I decided to spend new years in a place full of people, a decision which unfortunately plunged me into the dark never-ending abyss of horndogs and slutty girls, all walking the tightrope of fornication with strangers and alcoholism which constitutes vang vieng, it should be interesting to watch the guys make their wild mating calls at the girls with no shirts who can’t find their guest houses

  161. i just spent a couple hours at our family holiday get together talking to the only other gay person in my family, a younger cousin. we’d never really talked before, let alone about being gay, but this was nice. we both actually said the “l” and “g” word, and he told me a little bit more about his life. here’s to family. #happyholidays

  162. just spent several hours at a family holiday get together talking to the only other gay person in my family, a younger cousin. we hadn’t ever really talked before, let alone about being gay, but tonight was nice. we both actually said the “l” and “g” words and we kinda got down to the brass tacks. it was a long time coming. he’s a good guy and we could both use the support. here’s to family. #happyholidays

  163. Christmas saw me in Connecticut with assorted relatives from my mother’s side.

    I spent Christmas Eve in New York with my father. (It’s a tradition that’s been going on since I was in middle school.)

    A group walk also occurs, as it does every year. (My grandmother lives near a place that’s good for rambling family walks.)

    The day after Christmas I watched Hercules with my 4-year-old cousin and my uncle tried to get me to take the movie upstairs. That was the only thing he said to me all night.

    I can’t complain about Christmas this year, though.

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  165. In terms of happy Holigays, check this out: http://youtu.be/lnTi6n5Y51E

    This person made a bunch of “Queersmas” carols, with things like “Dyke the Halls” and “Rudolph the Rainbow Unicorn”. And it may not be queer but I also really liked her “Angels we have heard get high”
    :P

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