Happy holidays, chums! Every year the Autostraddle staff puts together this giant-ass wish list gift guide, and this year is the most giantest-assed one yet! Perhaps it will help you find something extra special for your dearest friends, or maybe we are your dearest friends and you were wondering if we still wanted those Steve Madden boots (we do). In most cases, these items are linked through our affiliate programs, meaning when you spend money after clicking the links, we get some pennies and nickels, too! We like to think of it as Robin Hooding the big corporations and we really REALLY appreciate your support! Seriously.
We also think you should pick up a couple of t-shirts and pre-order the Autostraddle 2013 Calendar at the Autostraddle Goodsie Store while you’re at it!
Ok grab some hot chocolate or tea, or let’s be real — bourbon, and get comfy because this is gonna take a while.
For Your Fingers, Ears, Keys & Diseases
Noise canceling headphones are truly the only thing I feel like I genuinely need this Chanukah. I tried to fake it with a pair of good quality outside-my-ears style headphones but I can still hear the commotion of the coffee shop when I’m studying. I understand that some people thrive on the background noise of public spaces, but I really need all that to go away immediately.
I lost my key chain later winter and never replaced it. Obviously this lobster is most amazing thing ever to be attached to keys.
Robbins and Cotran Pathologic Basis of Disease
Yes, I understand that I’m asking for a med school textbook for Chanukah this year, thus making me the biggest loser of all time, but hear me out! This is like a really expensive textbook. No, seriously, it’s like $150 and it’s even expensive used. Normally I would just nut up and buy it, but I already bought the abridged version Robbins Basic Pathology for like $60 and I’m having trouble justifying buying the bigger version. Except it’s the biggest and most amazing textbook of all time. So.
I’m usually against giving rings for the Holidays unless you’re on one knee, but I’ll make an exception for this bad boy. I’ve been eyeing this arrow ring from House of Harlow 1960 ever since Emily wore the corresponding necklace on Pretty Little Liars last February. Every time I see it I’m like “Man, I want that ring,” but it’s the kind of thing I would never pull the trigger and just buy for myself. It’s cool because it has that look where it crosses your fingers without actually forcing you to wear an uncomfortable double ring situation.
In addition to mistletoe, office holiday parties, and awkward family get-togethers, the Holiday Season also means the beginning of months of dry skin and chapped lips. Here area few of my favorite skincare products to help you (or the femme in your life) survive the winter.
Pangea Organics Facial Mask – Japanese Matcha Tea with Acai & Goji Berry
This exfoliating mask helps clear your pores and always leaves my skin feeling soft and healthy. It’s loaded with everything you want (all-natural ingredients and essential oils) and nothing you don’t (parabens and synthetic fragrances).
Soap & Glory Night in Shining Armour Night Cream
Ignore the heteronormative product name — this calming and moisturizing night cream is one of the best that I’ve tried. I apply it to my face and neck right before going to bed, and I always wake up feeling refreshed. Your skin does most of its repair work at night, so it’s important not to neglect this important step in your beauty routine!
Korres Balancing Cream-Gel Moisturiser, Pomegranate
This lightweight, natural moisturizer helps minimize pore and tone skin without every feeling greasy or heavy. I use it under my primer and foundation, but this moisturizer is perfect on its own as well.
If I were writing to Santa this year I would start, “Santa — Can you save Hostess?” But I digress.
I want Wes Anderson movies, but particularly The Royal Tenenbaums because once I couldn’t watch it and wanted to so badly that I read the screenplay on the way to the work and listened to the soundtrack at the same time. Also because I think Margot Tenenbaum is my new fashion icon.
I need a notebook I can bring to work and camp and into my bed where I sometimes have lots of feelings I need to write down, but almost never a pen. So I want this red leather Moleskine sketchbook because I love Moleskine shamelessly and you can’t change a person.
Once I get all this shit I’ll need to transport it, though. And guess what? My backpack fucking broke, you guys. I guess now I need a new one and therefore need to find a way to get it for free. What great seasonal timing! To be honest, the decision of which one I want is causing me to have a reluctant femme moment about this floral one. I like this pink beige color but really any will do.
I hate only asking for shit I need though, so if we’re gonna get into what I really, really want the answer is going to be this case for my now-outdated iPhone. If I had an Andy Warhol soup can iPhone case it would be the final memento in my weird, mall-caliber collection of his memorabilia.
Weird But Useful
Star Wars Death Star Tea Infuser
Cleverly combines two of the best things in the world: loose leaf tea and the dark side of the force.
Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics 6 Piece Glitter Set
Basically everything that comes from this all-vegan cosmetics company is pure magic. The colours are amazing, and I love knowing that I’ve bought an ethically-made product that wasn’t tested on animals. Also, GLITTER.
This is a really good way to prepare for A-Camp, Frankenstorms and slumber parties.
Spider Serving Dishes by Laura Zindel
Because if there’s one thing I want to think about while eating a lovingly prepared meal, it’s the giant spiders crawling around on the dish underneath.
I’m literally the worst person to shop for in the world because I don’t like anything and the things I do like, people deem too boring to be called a “gift.” When my girlfriend asked me what I want for Christmas, I said a strip tease and a Brita filter. I don’t think I’ll be getting either but it’s worth a shot.
The aforementioned Brita filter. Whatever you have to say about water filters, I don’t care. I want one. It’s this kind of blind consumerism that drives this country.
Beanies have never sat well with me. I love hats but for some reason beanies always seemed odd. I think I’ve finally realized this was no fault of beanies but more an issue with people wearing beanies that aren’t doing them any favors. I’m now open to beanies, is what I’m saying.
I lost two good socks to holes this year. These are dark times in the sock drawer, but it’s a good enough reason for me to add the best pair of socks in the world to this list. They are so thick and comfortable and perfect for winter. It’s like hot chocolate for your feet. They also aren’t a brand name, so no worries of mixing Adidas socks with your Nike shoes or vice versa. I know you might not care about that kind of thing but I, like most black people, do.
Next Up: vibrators, lizard skulls and bento boxes!
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I’d just like to say Kenzie wins. Because John Green (and his brother) definitely seem to be cool guys and that book is kinda obviously based around a real person, Animal onesies are never a bad thing and nor is another way to open beer.
“reluctant femme moment”
know that feel all too well
1. Brittani wins all the things.
2. I forgot to write my gift guide but if I had it would have had MORE animal onesies on it.
3. Possibly Steven Madden should consider a marketing campaign targeting lesbians? I think that could be a thing. They should partner with a REALLY COOL QUEER LADY WEBSITE ok bye.
haha I wrote “Steven Madden” hahaha I need caffeine.
I want the record to show that I featured the Steve Madden Troopa boot back in the Boots 101 Guide and you people just all want to be me.
i mean my gf bought these for me for chanukah (she hasn’t given them to me yet but i know that’s what i’m getting) so yes, yes i vote this is true, TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS LIZZ
Robin also has like a million Steven Madden boots. I think it’s A Thing.
I bought myself a pair of noise-cancelling headphones for train rides but it turns out they make some people (including me) really nauseous. So that happened?
I was waiting for a gift guide for your girlfriendnotgirlfriendwhateverwhatdoyougetforthecutegirlwholikesyou. THANKS! Although I think I already got most of the things I was planning to get.
how glad am i that the scratch-off world map is in my life and has made shopping for my roommate and brother 1000x easier.
also: pet. bowties. my life is complete, everybody gets one.
I ordered a Rainbow In My Room for a friend! I’m worried because it had a lot of bad reviews. Also one of the websites said it was good for girls and woman and obviously all people should have rainbows in their rooms, so.
But I got a pair of $165 oxfords for $19.99 at the same time so who the fuck cares really?
I have the Steve Madden Troopa boots and they are so fantastic and I love them to death BUT they are terrible quality. I’m on my second pair, and on both pairs the stitching started to rip within weeks/months. :( Does anyone have any suggestions for a lovely, high-quality pair of queer boots?
dr martens? I have these ones ( http://www.zappos.com/dr-martens-tadita-6-tie-boot-black ) which seem pretty queer and have lasted REALLY well so far – they seem like great quality. also I live in a place where it rains a lot so the rubber sole thing is excellent.
Yeah I have Docs (wingtips) that are indestructable. Been wearing them frequently for 9 years and at the rate they’re weari
tey’ll outlive me.
(Sigh. *wearing, they’ll)
kate, marriage pls
Sweet baby Jesus, I almost had a heart attack when I saw Sarah’s list, thinking “‘HERE LIES THE HEART’ IS BACK IN PRINT?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME??!! HAVE I BEEN BAD, SANTA?!?1″ But alas…
Then all the cat sweaters calmed me down.
Don’t tell my book collection, but I would settle for a Kindle edition at this point.
Laneia I just bought both of those exact pairs of boots like two weeks ago! I’m unreasonably excited that we have the same taste in footwear.
AND I AM UNREASONABLY JEALOUS but also really happy for you for living our dreams.
the royal tenenbaums criterion collection is so so so fantastic if solely for the illustrations inside the dvd case.
1.that death star tea strainer combines my love of tea and star wars. I had no idea that was possible.
2.royal tenenbaums is my favorite movie of all time. I went as margot last year for halloween.
3.this list was amazing. I want all the things!!!
i appreciate that you appreciate this.
Truth be told those headlamps are THE BEST THING EVER. Even if they look doofy, you’d better believe everyone will ask to borrow it for camping trips.
And I think “Moonrise Kingdom” is higher on my list of Wes Anderson movies, simply because that boy is the cutest lesbian I’ve ever seen.
So I always want practical gifts. But to be honest I kind of want this for Christmas.
Cat gifts are always appropriate.
i want both floral print backpacks. good work on finding those, carmen & gabrielle.
I feel like Carmen and I might be style sisters
i feel this is true
i feel left out
but i love you
we all love vanessa OF COURSE!
okay sorry sorry sorry i just wanted to be part of the cool winter floral print backpack club!
I’m getting my partner a Foucault text, sparkly red nail polish with the minimum possible amount of toxic stuff in it, massage oil, and a ceramic bowl I painted while on a club outing for my campus’ trans*/genderqueer/gender questioning group. She’s ordering me a shirt from Saint Harridan. The holidays are good.
I bought the Frankie journal last week, I love it. I think I need a mounted unicorn to go with it…
aaaaand that gravatar is why I should pay attention and not use my official work address to comment on blogs. I swear I’m not actually a large man in a flannie.
Lizz…I’ve got a Robbins 7th ed. I carried it back from oz. I don’t think you need it for the boards…but…you can have it for the price of a coffee.
wrt the skateboard I do have a penny and they are great I got the purple, green and yellow one and am I the only one who wants a dinosaur onesie?
I’m pretty amused that truffle oil and a sharp knife are on this list, as they are on my list as well. :D
“They also aren’t a brand name, so no worries of mixing Adidas socks with your Nike shoes or vice versa. I know you might not care about that kind of thing but I, like most black people, do.”
aaahhhh ahhahahahaha <— me laughing out loud for several minutes.
i am also a hard person to shop for because my answer to "what do you want for christmas?" is "$25 so i can get my hair cut" or "socks".
lizz is my winter present soulmate, right down to the overpriced med school text books
also laura has been asking for a cordless drill for like 5 years now SOMEONE GET THE WOMAN A CORDLESS DRILL
Hold the phone. Sorry, Lizz, but I burst out laughing with your textbook request: “This is like a really expensive textbook. No, seriously, it’s like $150 and it’s even expensive used.” I keep forgetting how friggin’ cheap books are in the States. Honey, $150 is cheap for a Canadian textbook. Any science textbook here is like $200+ easily, and medical books are probably above that. So, I’m going to scoff and giggle, and resume reading this list.
Vanessa’s a big fan of Prinstagram because she’s a photographer; ergo, she has hundreds of Instagram photos. I, on the other hand, take random pictures (mostly of Seahawks related things) so Printstagram doesn’t really work for me because they require a large amount of photos at a time. Therefore, I highly recommend Snapstagram (http://snapstagr.am/). You can get 12 photos for 6 bucks. I supported them on Kickstarter back in the day and the continue to grow (now offering canvas prints). So, if you want to print a photo of the Seahawks punter sitting on top of another player, from the opposing team, who is lying face down on the turf, Snapstagram is perfect for you.
This exchange is my favorite thing about this post!
Brittani, I am with you. The only thing I really truly NEED (and not want, NEEEEEEED) for Christmas is a strip tease. Sadly, I am not likely to get one either.
….but if I DO by some miracle get my perfect Christmas present, I will pray to Santa, Jesus, and the Maccabees forever and ever, world without end, Amen.
ya Brittani is not getting a strip tease or a Brita filter this year either…but like any good grad student I put everything off until the last minute (including Kwanzaa shopping) so hopefully I have a really epic idea ASAP.
Last Christmas I got my Dad a brewing kit similar to the one Ali listed and he insisted on telling everyone I bought him a meth lab! Thanks for that reminder. Truly! I needed the laugh.
Thanks, beauties, for buying “How I Role” — much appreciated! I also wanted to add for those who have been inquiring – you can get a signed hard copy, too! Contact me on fb, twitter, or firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll get it out in a jiffy! HAPPY 12-12-12!!!!
teach me, haviland.