Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2012: What We Want

Gabrielle, Contributing Editor

Put It On Me

Get Dressed

I’m in love with the patterns and the colors of the Blog Cabin Sweater. This winter I’m going to try to NOT wear all black every day, and this seems like a really good way to start. It would look great over a button up with skinny jeans and boots, and also (if I’m being honest with myself) would make a great around-the-house layer. I need the Shrunken White Boyshirt because it’s a high quality, super versatile basic that will look good with essentially everything I already own. Also it’s really soft, and I appreciate the fact that it can be buttoned all the way up. And these Berlin the Know Boots — Gray ankle boots, where have you been all my life? Why have I only considered brown or black boots up until now?

Sparkle Spike Necklace

This is going to look so good with the new white button down you got me, and also all my other button downs! And what’s better than a mix of sparkles and spikes?

Biking Beauty Backpack

I was recently informed that there actually IS a cute coffee shop with wifi in my neighborhood, so now the only thing that’s missing is a cute way to take my laptop there! I love this because usually backpacks are so boring and this is so beautiful.

Kate, Contributing Editor

Classy Art Shit and Pussy Bait

Oh Merde Pillowcase by Ohara Hale

This communicates to all potential pillow visitors that I love pizza, support independent artists, and am bilingual in bed. Boom.

What Would Don Draper Do? Print

The eternal question. Do I chase a burst of creativity, drink a lot of scotch, smoke a lot of cigarettes, ignore my children, or woo all the ladies? Answer: none of the above because if I was Don Draper, I would be like damn! Why am I not having sex with Joan? What the fuck is wrong with me? Megan’s hot but she’s more like my sister or something! Then I would get Joan to play hookie with me at some classy joint, and then I’d transform back into my lesbian self so I could have sex with Joan in that form.

That got weird, sorry. Um, buy me this print so I shut up about my bizarre fantasies.

Eau des Baux by L’Occitane en Provence

So my go-to scent for a while has been what I nicknamed “PUSSY BAIT,” which is in actuality a cologne called Essential by Lacoste. It’s a great scent for the spring and summer when you wanna smell bright and fresh to death, but come this time of year, I’m feeling on the woodier and smokier side of things. Cue my stumbling across this incredible scent at L’Occitane. It’s so fucking delicious. As a butch who wants to smell…uh, butchy, shopping for scents is often a battle between drowning in incarnations of Axe, or eau de douchebag, and finding one too many stuffy old man smells, but oh, this is so perfect. It’s sensual and manly and makes me feel like a sensitive lumberjack. I want to pour it on pancakes and roll in it. That’s how strongly I feel about it.

Baby Blue Mounted Deer Head

The living room in my new apartment doesn’t have any decorations right now, and I’m desperate for some kind of centerpiece to pull it all together. Since I’m 22 and have made a habit out of heaving buckets of caution to the wind, and since the furniture doesn’t match anyway, I feel like getting a lifesize mounted deer head that’s been painted bright blue is a great thing to do with my living space. There’s something wonderfully charming about being a twenty-something whose sense of interior decorating is THROW ALL THE COLORFUL THINGS ON THE WALLS, so this feels like it is in perfect accord with my philosophy of housemaking. Plus the ears look kind of like vaginas and I feel like that will be a great talking point when there are a lot of queers hanging out drunk on my couches.

Naimah, Intern

Decorate Your Walls & Your Body

Milky Way Shadow

This print is so coooooool. Who doesn’t love stars/the universe/space?

The American Fingerprint Raglan Fleece Crewneck

Lately I’ve been really into all things American flag and so this fingerprint crewneck speaks to me on so many levels.

Who’s That T-Shirt

Do I have to say more than Pokemon?

All Out Of Pad

This is my obligatory “useful” item. And this is extremely useful, because I never remember what I am supposed to get once I actually make it to the store.

Alex, Design Director

Living The Dream

I am a coffee freak. We have our own electric grinder that grinds beans right before we use them and this year I prided myself on making my own cold brew.

But after I found this photo on my tumblr-surfing:

I decided that my new thing was not needing electricity to brew a good cup of amazing coffee. To make coffee completely electric-free and also to be able to, say, have coffee while camping or during the zombie apocalypse as the above photo would suggest, I will need two things:

Hario Coffee Mill ‘CANISTER’ C

I can only imagine how cool it would be to hand-grind my beans, rather than press a button on a machine. And even better, the sealed glass canister for storing extra ground coffee for the next day. There are cheaper hand coffee grinders, but this one has great reviews and has that prefect old-fashioned look to it that I cannot pass up.

 Chemex Drip Coffee Brewer

Confession: I already have one. This is on my “gift list” because I highly recommend it for any Autostraddle reader who appreciates coffee. I started using my Chemex recently and I appreciate how I can better control the strength of the coffee than I can with an electric machine. And it’s just my opinion, but this process produces a much smoother and less acidic cup than with an electric Mr. Coffee, just saying. You can see a bunch of cool pictures of the Cheme-in-action on my Pin board, “Coffee”.

Herschel Supply Co Little America Backpack

So with that said, let’s say you’re going camping or to a friend’s place for the weekend and you need to bring your Hario coffee mill, your Chemex brewer, cups, sugar, cream, and anything else that goes along with an over-night trip…

Where are you going to put all that stuff?

Obviously the only way a stylish lesbian would: in a Herschel Supply Co Little America Backpack. A friend of mine has this backpack in grey, and I want. It comes with a laptop pocket built inside and is just an overall well-constructed and well-respected bag brand.

Gabby, Contributing Editor

Gentlequeer Swag

Radii Straight Jacket High Tops

These kicks stopped me in mid multi-task the way women wearing high heeled boots and slit skirts do. Holy fuck, Radii, way to combine stark metal with neons, primary colors and camouflage to give each pair a unique vibe. My heart belongs to this silver and green pair. Also, straps. Black leather straps make me think of consensually tense sex where bite marks are expected and only one word is safe. All of these feelings over sneakers and chicks = Autostraddle is my lifestyle choice. Have a merry happy everyone.

Woodlore Shoe Care Valet with Starter Kit

If you’re a Dapper Q or someone with a sick ass boot fetish (or both or neither), a shoe shine set up is a must. As a kid, observing my father’s grooming rituals fascinated me. He didn’t do anything half-assed. My dad used a straight razor to shave, tied Windsor knots into Ralph Lauren ties and didn’t step outside of the house without shining his shoes. My dad always looked fresh to death and dapper as fuck. I’ve got a serious legacy to uphold and so do you, gay baby army.

Duello Gun Bookends

A black metal revolver bookend with a happy little homo star on the grip? Done. I mean, how else does one express rebellion and nerdiness? Also, it proves that you read things, have good taste and are probably insanely good in bed. Mostly it proves that to yourself and that’s just as important.

Soapstone Griddle

Get started being a gentlequeer now. It’s such a good look. Part one of that is being able to cook 1-3 signature (read = tastyyummymmmgood) dishes. One for each time of the day you can imagine feeding something to a beautiful somebody. This griddle cooks all of the things! Use the flat side for morning-after breakfast extravaganzas that involve pancakes and turkey bacon. Then flip the shit for a BBQ feel and when you just need a Ron Swanson steak moment. Also, the soapstone is untreated which means you won’t also be eating nasty ass chemicals that are found in most non-stick cookware. Cook in-style and with the superiority that comes with doing something good for the environment. Eat well, familia.

Sarah Hansen, Contributing Editor

Cats, Earrings & Record Players

Spinnerette by Crosley

My old record player stopped working a few months ago and I still haven’t gotten over the loss. This record player is portable and also one of my favorite colors, so I double-love it. Plus, it can connect to a Mac or PC or play your iPod, for those rare times when you decide you don’t need to listen to Dolly on vinyl for a few minutes.

Blues Cat Sweater

This year, I told everyone in my family to get me a cat sweater, kind of as a challenge. I’m already well on my way to being a crazy cat lady. I’m reclaiming that phrase. It is totally cool to love your cat(s) more than you love most people. This sweater is adorable and designed in a silly but not ridiculous way, so you can be the cutest crazy cat lady on the block.

That Vintage Lace Earrings

Buying handmade has been one of my passions for a long time, and That Vintage earrings have been an obsession of mine for a few years. I have a few pairs of earrings from her and if you’ve seen me or even a picture of me, I’m probably wearing them. They go with everything, dressy or casual, and they’re unique enough for people to notice what good taste you have. The artist, Sophie Hill, is one of the sweetest people in the world and she continually inspires me with her creative ideas. It feels good to buy directly from the artist, and bonus: she adorably gift wraps everything in brown paper and doilies and string, making it such a delight to receive something from her, even if you just bought it for yourself.

 Next Up: vibrators JUST KIDDING skateboards, animal pj’s and a tea set!

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  1. I’d just like to say Kenzie wins. Because John Green (and his brother) definitely seem to be cool guys and that book is kinda obviously based around a real person, Animal onesies are never a bad thing and nor is another way to open beer.

  2. 1. Brittani wins all the things.
    2. I forgot to write my gift guide but if I had it would have had MORE animal onesies on it.
    3. Possibly Steven Madden should consider a marketing campaign targeting lesbians? I think that could be a thing. They should partner with a REALLY COOL QUEER LADY WEBSITE ok bye.

    • I want the record to show that I featured the Steve Madden Troopa boot back in the Boots 101 Guide and you people just all want to be me.

      • i mean my gf bought these for me for chanukah (she hasn’t given them to me yet but i know that’s what i’m getting) so yes, yes i vote this is true, TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS LIZZ

  3. I bought myself a pair of noise-cancelling headphones for train rides but it turns out they make some people (including me) really nauseous. So that happened?

  4. I was waiting for a gift guide for your girlfriendnotgirlfriendwhateverwhatdoyougetforthecutegirlwholikesyou. THANKS! Although I think I already got most of the things I was planning to get.

  5. how glad am i that the scratch-off world map is in my life and has made shopping for my roommate and brother 1000x easier.

    also: pet. bowties. my life is complete, everybody gets one.

  6. I ordered a Rainbow In My Room for a friend! I’m worried because it had a lot of bad reviews. Also one of the websites said it was good for girls and woman and obviously all people should have rainbows in their rooms, so.

    But I got a pair of $165 oxfords for $19.99 at the same time so who the fuck cares really?

  7. I have the Steve Madden Troopa boots and they are so fantastic and I love them to death BUT they are terrible quality. I’m on my second pair, and on both pairs the stitching started to rip within weeks/months. :( Does anyone have any suggestions for a lovely, high-quality pair of queer boots?

  8. Sweet baby Jesus, I almost had a heart attack when I saw Sarah’s list, thinking “‘HERE LIES THE HEART’ IS BACK IN PRINT?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME??!! HAVE I BEEN BAD, SANTA?!?1″ But alas…

    Then all the cat sweaters calmed me down.

  9. Laneia I just bought both of those exact pairs of boots like two weeks ago! I’m unreasonably excited that we have the same taste in footwear.

  10. the royal tenenbaums criterion collection is so so so fantastic if solely for the illustrations inside the dvd case.

  11. 1.that death star tea strainer combines my love of tea and star wars. I had no idea that was possible.
    2.royal tenenbaums is my favorite movie of all time. I went as margot last year for halloween.
    3.this list was amazing. I want all the things!!!

  12. Truth be told those headlamps are THE BEST THING EVER. Even if they look doofy, you’d better believe everyone will ask to borrow it for camping trips.

    And I think “Moonrise Kingdom” is higher on my list of Wes Anderson movies, simply because that boy is the cutest lesbian I’ve ever seen.

  13. I’m getting my partner a Foucault text, sparkly red nail polish with the minimum possible amount of toxic stuff in it, massage oil, and a ceramic bowl I painted while on a club outing for my campus’ trans*/genderqueer/gender questioning group. She’s ordering me a shirt from Saint Harridan. The holidays are good.

    • aaaaand that gravatar is why I should pay attention and not use my official work address to comment on blogs. I swear I’m not actually a large man in a flannie.

  14. Lizz…I’ve got a Robbins 7th ed. I carried it back from oz. I don’t think you need it for the boards…but…you can have it for the price of a coffee.

  15. wrt the skateboard I do have a penny and they are great I got the purple, green and yellow one and am I the only one who wants a dinosaur onesie?

  16. I’m pretty amused that truffle oil and a sharp knife are on this list, as they are on my list as well. :D

  17. “They also aren’t a brand name, so no worries of mixing Adidas socks with your Nike shoes or vice versa. I know you might not care about that kind of thing but I, like most black people, do.”

    aaahhhh ahhahahahaha <— me laughing out loud for several minutes.

    i am also a hard person to shop for because my answer to "what do you want for christmas?" is "$25 so i can get my hair cut" or "socks".

  18. also laura has been asking for a cordless drill for like 5 years now SOMEONE GET THE WOMAN A CORDLESS DRILL

  19. Hold the phone. Sorry, Lizz, but I burst out laughing with your textbook request: “This is like a really expensive textbook. No, seriously, it’s like $150 and it’s even expensive used.” I keep forgetting how friggin’ cheap books are in the States. Honey, $150 is cheap for a Canadian textbook. Any science textbook here is like $200+ easily, and medical books are probably above that. So, I’m going to scoff and giggle, and resume reading this list.

  20. Vanessa’s a big fan of Prinstagram because she’s a photographer; ergo, she has hundreds of Instagram photos. I, on the other hand, take random pictures (mostly of Seahawks related things) so Printstagram doesn’t really work for me because they require a large amount of photos at a time. Therefore, I highly recommend Snapstagram ( You can get 12 photos for 6 bucks. I supported them on Kickstarter back in the day and the continue to grow (now offering canvas prints). So, if you want to print a photo of the Seahawks punter sitting on top of another player, from the opposing team, who is lying face down on the turf, Snapstagram is perfect for you.

  21. Brittani, I am with you. The only thing I really truly NEED (and not want, NEEEEEEED) for Christmas is a strip tease. Sadly, I am not likely to get one either.

    • ….but if I DO by some miracle get my perfect Christmas present, I will pray to Santa, Jesus, and the Maccabees forever and ever, world without end, Amen.

      • ya Brittani is not getting a strip tease or a Brita filter this year either…but like any good grad student I put everything off until the last minute (including Kwanzaa shopping) so hopefully I have a really epic idea ASAP.

  22. Last Christmas I got my Dad a brewing kit similar to the one Ali listed and he insisted on telling everyone I bought him a meth lab! Thanks for that reminder. Truly! I needed the laugh.

  23. Thanks, beauties, for buying “How I Role” — much appreciated! I also wanted to add for those who have been inquiring – you can get a signed hard copy, too! Contact me on fb, twitter, or [email protected] and we’ll get it out in a jiffy! HAPPY 12-12-12!!!!

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