Autostraddle’s Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide 2012: What We Want

Laneia, Executive Editor

Bras, Boots & Things

C Chic Demi Bra

Do you know how hard it is to find small bras without any padding? It is so hard. Also world, here’s a little-known fact about me: I don’t have enough black things in my wardrobe. I’m becoming a person who needs more black things. I’m starting with bras.

Charmed to a Tea Set

If you really loved me, you would’ve already given me this.

Steve Madden Camarro Boots and/or Dr. Marten Triumph Boots

Boots, why are you so cute? Why are you the perfect shade of black? Why do you keep begging me to buy you when you know I can’t afford you right now?

Leather Journal with that tie thing

Let’s gaze back upon my life and count all the times when I wanted this leather journal with the tie situation — SO MANY TIMES. And because writing in a journal this nice is so intimidating, I’ve decided I’d like to glue and staple and tape things to it. I need this journal. Especially this exact one because look at the pretty paper!

Stud-y Abroad Watch

I’m tired of looking at my phone when I want to know what time it is.

Hannah, Intern

Aliens, Predators & Skateboards

Bootcase Hybrid Snap-On Case (Purple/White)

Bootcase’s Hybrid Snap-On and Detachable Extended Battery Case in purple is the Christmas gift of my dreams right now. It’s basically a superhero: it’s a normal, snap-on, slim-fitted case by day, but when those pesky 20 and 10% battery life notifications pop up, all you have to do is snap on the extra battery and your day is saved.

Stereo Vinyl Cruiser (Pink)

I’m not a very good skateboarder. I don’t know how to do tricks, and I’ve never been to a skate park. But! I did have one when I was little that has since been devoured by my dad’s garage, so that has to count for something. I also live a good half hour’s walk from campus, which can get kind of tiring, so I’ve been revisiting the ol’ skateboard, and it’s the perfect compromise: it’s portable, quick, and much easier to take on the subway. (Also just really, really cool.) Stereo’s pink vinyl cruiser is my favorite right now, because it’s stylish, functional, and comes with sunglasses and a sticker pack to customize your ride.

Alien vs. Predator, Michael Robbins

I’ve been trying really hard to get into poetry. I don’t dislike it, but a long time ago (read: when I started my creative writing minor earlier this year and had to pick a style) I chose to follow the windy, often purple path of fiction, and so I don’t get to read a lot of poetry. The title of Alien vs. Predator drew me in on its own, but after devouring my free Kindle sample, I need more. One of my favorite creative things ever is synthesizing pop culture or the modern with traditionally classical or historical invocations as a technique, and that’s pretty much what AvP is all about so don’t you doubt and check it out. (Voilà! My complete lack of poetry skills.)

Kenzie, Intern

Yep, An Animal Onesie

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

In true Autostraddler fashion, I have a lot -and I mean a lot- of feelings. Over the years, this excess of angst has led me time and time again to YA fiction, the final frontier of heart-twisting/-racing/-wrenching. Word around the Intern Army is that John Green’s The Fault in Our Stars is the pinnacle of YA, maybe even literary, fiction and these ladies have yet to lead me astray. Plus, plus, it takes place in my hometown, Indianapolis!

Animal Onesie

Since I’ve already given up all pretense of leaving my house during the more icy of the winter months, I figure I need something to keep me warm/let everyone ELSE know I have no intention of leaving the house. I’m a diehard fan of onesies and these animal ones are supafly. I think the tiger is my favorite, but the penguin one is suhhhhh cuuuuuuuute.

Remote Control with Bottle Opener by MyControl

Ok, wow, oh man, I just, can’t even… I’m just imagining how much easier my nights/Sundays would be if I had this remote, which could accurately be named “The Enabler”. Think of all the lazy cuddling that wouldn’t have to be interrupted by scrambling for a bottle opener while camped out in front of multiple seasons of Buffy! …The more I think about it actually, this could be dangerous. I take it back, DO NOT get me this gift, people-frans.

Kristen, Contributing Editor

Rainbows and Lap Desks

Wooden Lapdesk

I am a cuddle monster thus I believe all activities should be performed while wrapped in a down comforter. Sadly, my netbook reminds me everyday of its impending doom by overheating and setting fire to my loins in the non-sexy way. This is not conducive to writing in a blanket fort. I need something that elevates my laptop to keep the fan blanket-free. A stable surface to keep my beer upright is also a plus.

Rainbow in My Room

I am a sucker for rainbows and somewhat prone to seasonal affective disorder. I have no idea if this actually works, but indoor rainbows could solve all the problems.









Whew! That was effing massive! What do you want this year? What did you want last year? If you could have one thing on this list, what would it be? Did you have a healthy breakfast this morning? Just checking! Happy holidays, queerdos!

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  1. I’d just like to say Kenzie wins. Because John Green (and his brother) definitely seem to be cool guys and that book is kinda obviously based around a real person, Animal onesies are never a bad thing and nor is another way to open beer.

  2. 1. Brittani wins all the things.
    2. I forgot to write my gift guide but if I had it would have had MORE animal onesies on it.
    3. Possibly Steven Madden should consider a marketing campaign targeting lesbians? I think that could be a thing. They should partner with a REALLY COOL QUEER LADY WEBSITE ok bye.

    • I want the record to show that I featured the Steve Madden Troopa boot back in the Boots 101 Guide and you people just all want to be me.

      • i mean my gf bought these for me for chanukah (she hasn’t given them to me yet but i know that’s what i’m getting) so yes, yes i vote this is true, TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS LIZZ

  3. I bought myself a pair of noise-cancelling headphones for train rides but it turns out they make some people (including me) really nauseous. So that happened?

  4. I was waiting for a gift guide for your girlfriendnotgirlfriendwhateverwhatdoyougetforthecutegirlwholikesyou. THANKS! Although I think I already got most of the things I was planning to get.

  5. how glad am i that the scratch-off world map is in my life and has made shopping for my roommate and brother 1000x easier.

    also: pet. bowties. my life is complete, everybody gets one.

  6. I ordered a Rainbow In My Room for a friend! I’m worried because it had a lot of bad reviews. Also one of the websites said it was good for girls and woman and obviously all people should have rainbows in their rooms, so.

    But I got a pair of $165 oxfords for $19.99 at the same time so who the fuck cares really?

  7. I have the Steve Madden Troopa boots and they are so fantastic and I love them to death BUT they are terrible quality. I’m on my second pair, and on both pairs the stitching started to rip within weeks/months. :( Does anyone have any suggestions for a lovely, high-quality pair of queer boots?

  8. Sweet baby Jesus, I almost had a heart attack when I saw Sarah’s list, thinking “‘HERE LIES THE HEART’ IS BACK IN PRINT?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME??!! HAVE I BEEN BAD, SANTA?!?1″ But alas…

    Then all the cat sweaters calmed me down.

  9. Laneia I just bought both of those exact pairs of boots like two weeks ago! I’m unreasonably excited that we have the same taste in footwear.

  10. the royal tenenbaums criterion collection is so so so fantastic if solely for the illustrations inside the dvd case.

  11. 1.that death star tea strainer combines my love of tea and star wars. I had no idea that was possible.
    2.royal tenenbaums is my favorite movie of all time. I went as margot last year for halloween.
    3.this list was amazing. I want all the things!!!

  12. Truth be told those headlamps are THE BEST THING EVER. Even if they look doofy, you’d better believe everyone will ask to borrow it for camping trips.

    And I think “Moonrise Kingdom” is higher on my list of Wes Anderson movies, simply because that boy is the cutest lesbian I’ve ever seen.

  13. I’m getting my partner a Foucault text, sparkly red nail polish with the minimum possible amount of toxic stuff in it, massage oil, and a ceramic bowl I painted while on a club outing for my campus’ trans*/genderqueer/gender questioning group. She’s ordering me a shirt from Saint Harridan. The holidays are good.

    • aaaaand that gravatar is why I should pay attention and not use my official work address to comment on blogs. I swear I’m not actually a large man in a flannie.

  14. Lizz…I’ve got a Robbins 7th ed. I carried it back from oz. I don’t think you need it for the boards…but…you can have it for the price of a coffee.

  15. wrt the skateboard I do have a penny and they are great I got the purple, green and yellow one and am I the only one who wants a dinosaur onesie?

  16. I’m pretty amused that truffle oil and a sharp knife are on this list, as they are on my list as well. :D

  17. “They also aren’t a brand name, so no worries of mixing Adidas socks with your Nike shoes or vice versa. I know you might not care about that kind of thing but I, like most black people, do.”

    aaahhhh ahhahahahaha <— me laughing out loud for several minutes.

    i am also a hard person to shop for because my answer to "what do you want for christmas?" is "$25 so i can get my hair cut" or "socks".

  18. also laura has been asking for a cordless drill for like 5 years now SOMEONE GET THE WOMAN A CORDLESS DRILL

  19. Hold the phone. Sorry, Lizz, but I burst out laughing with your textbook request: “This is like a really expensive textbook. No, seriously, it’s like $150 and it’s even expensive used.” I keep forgetting how friggin’ cheap books are in the States. Honey, $150 is cheap for a Canadian textbook. Any science textbook here is like $200+ easily, and medical books are probably above that. So, I’m going to scoff and giggle, and resume reading this list.

  20. Vanessa’s a big fan of Prinstagram because she’s a photographer; ergo, she has hundreds of Instagram photos. I, on the other hand, take random pictures (mostly of Seahawks related things) so Printstagram doesn’t really work for me because they require a large amount of photos at a time. Therefore, I highly recommend Snapstagram ( You can get 12 photos for 6 bucks. I supported them on Kickstarter back in the day and the continue to grow (now offering canvas prints). So, if you want to print a photo of the Seahawks punter sitting on top of another player, from the opposing team, who is lying face down on the turf, Snapstagram is perfect for you.

  21. Brittani, I am with you. The only thing I really truly NEED (and not want, NEEEEEEED) for Christmas is a strip tease. Sadly, I am not likely to get one either.

    • ….but if I DO by some miracle get my perfect Christmas present, I will pray to Santa, Jesus, and the Maccabees forever and ever, world without end, Amen.

      • ya Brittani is not getting a strip tease or a Brita filter this year either…but like any good grad student I put everything off until the last minute (including Kwanzaa shopping) so hopefully I have a really epic idea ASAP.

  22. Last Christmas I got my Dad a brewing kit similar to the one Ali listed and he insisted on telling everyone I bought him a meth lab! Thanks for that reminder. Truly! I needed the laugh.

  23. Thanks, beauties, for buying “How I Role” — much appreciated! I also wanted to add for those who have been inquiring – you can get a signed hard copy, too! Contact me on fb, twitter, or [email protected] and we’ll get it out in a jiffy! HAPPY 12-12-12!!!!

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