Here we go! The final stretch of this first The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two drop! We’re discussing episodes 6 and 7, and you can revisit recaps of episodes 1-3 and episodes 4 and 5. And then we shall collectively wait with bated breath until the next drop on July 2.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 6

Third Week of Trial Marriages (Continued)

Mel + Marie

Yes, we have a rare and forbidden meetup of original partners mid-first trial marriages, but unlike the AJ/Britney meetups, this one is on camera. Marie picks Mel up in her car, and they have the entire conversation right there. Marie says Dayna made it very clear she’s so happy to have Mel as her trial wife. “And then after this lovely conversation, Haley comes and tells me there’s proof that you and Dayna are fucking,” Marie says.

She asks if they’ve fucked and if Mel is lying. Mel says no, that it didn’t happen. Well then where is this coming from? Marie wants to know, because she’s very fucking triggered. “Is this going to soil everything?” she asks. Mel says she and Dayna have a connection and that they kissed but that’s the extent of it.

WHY IS SHE LYING????????????????????????????????????????????? THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT EVENTUALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO SHORT-SIGHTED!!!!!!!!!!!

Haley + Magan

Magan gives Haley the lowdown on Mel confronting her and also tells her Dayna called her to tell her she doesn’t want to marry her. She thinks Mel and Dayna came in ready to protect each other because they know they’ve done wrong. Haley says Dayna was talking about how she and Mel have been holding each other. “Yeah, holding each other or humping each other?” Magan asks. Whatever receipts exist about Mel and Dayna’s physical connection, Magan seemingly has them, too.

“You’re not gonna slander my wife,” Haley says, to which Magan responds “PERIOD!”

Haley says marriage is not the milestone for her anymore, and Magan says she’s so proud of her. She’s showing herself to the world more, and the world could use more of her. Magan then squats Haley’s body? And they roll around on the floor. Okay, these two are simply in puppy love and nothing can touch them.

Dayna + Mel

Mel tells Dayna that Haley told Marie there’s proof they’re fucking, and this sets Dayna all the way off. She wants Haley’s phone number. “Slimy bitch,” she says. I for one would certainly never get on Dayna’s bad side. I don’t want her to run my food truck into the river, and I don’t even HAVE a food truck!

Five Days Until the Changeover

Kyle + Pilar

Kyle introduces Pilar to her mom and dad, who are very cute. Kyle’s upbringing was pretty lax, and as a result, she doesn’t always tell someone like a partner when she’s leaving or where she’s going, and she knows that’s something she should work on. Her mom warns Pilar against becoming Kyle’s therapist, which, fair. Kyle’s mom, almost acting as therapist, asks what issues Pilar has with Haley, and Pilar opens up about her family stuff.

Kyle’s mom actually gave Kyle’s dad a marriage ultimatum when they were first together, and she says you have to think to yourself not can you see your life with the other person but can you see your life without them? Ultimately, most of Kyle’s mom’s advice is geared toward making things work with Haley, which is nice. This is sweet! We could use some sweetness on this show, especially now that shit really is hitting the fan.

AJ + Marie

AJ asks if Marie prefers sunrises or sunsets, and Marie says a sunrise means she was up all night which is never a good thing so she’ll go with sunset. Fair enough! Marie says Mel is incredibly adament that she did not have intercourse with Dayna. She thanks AJ for making a safe space for her to fly off the handle about all of this. AJ says the topic of marriage with Britney feels scary, but Marie has given her the space to express herself. “Not to be gay or cheesy,” AJ says, and Marie calls her gouda, correcting it to “gayda,” the gooiest and cheesiest. At least Marie has AJ, who really does seem like a good friend through all this.

On a lighter note later, the two are talking about sex toys, and AJ notes poetically that she likes her shit swaaaaaaangin.

Dayna + Mel

Mel wants answers from Dayna. “You don’t know that I love you?” she asks. She tells the camera she has told Dayna she has “more than friend feelings” for her, and Dayna admits she wants her but isn’t sure what that means. You know what time it is! Time for People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch!

Mel really wants answers! What the fuck are we doing!, she wants to know. I think she’s probably spiraling after being confronted by Marie and knows she could lose her when the truth comes out so wants to know if Dayna is a viable option walking out of all this. Dayna says she can’t answer her questions without talking to Magan. Fair! Dayna worries that if she doesn’t tell Mel what she wants to hear, then she’s gonna shut down on her. Mel just wants her to be real, and she says every time Dayna talks about Magan she feels like she isn’t focusing on her. Idk girl, I think it makes sense for her to be thinking about talking about the person she has been with for 1.5 years a bit more than the person she has been “with” for < 3 weeks.

Dayna says the “breakup” didn’t feel real with Magan until very recently. Now is when I would normally chime in to remind us all that the breakups indeed aren’t really real and are just a construct of this show’s wild premise, but…in their case? It might be kind of real! I think Magan is kind of done with Dayna!

To avoid making any direct statements about her own feelings, Dayna instead says to Mel she thinks Mel knows how happy she is. Alright, we’ll leave it at that I guess!

Later in the episode, they get…matching tattoos. Matching four leaf clover tattoos. Dayna admits it isn’t the best idea but that she isn’t really a good idea person anyway. Magan and her have talked about getting matching tattoos, so she anticipates Magan getting mad. This is wild! Dayna needs to make up her mind: Mel or Magan? She’s sending a lot of mixed signals to them both. And Mel is really making the decision to get this tattoo with Dayna after Marie’s breakdown?! WHAT IS GOING ON.

Haley + Magan

Magan is meeting Haley’s family! And they’re doing it over a meal at home rather than out, which is pretty cute. Magan is excited to meet Haley’s dad but scared to meet her sister. She doesn’t have a sister herself, and she knows that kind of relationship can be intense. Haley also notes that her niece is like a sister to her. Magan asks if her outfit looks okay. Omg, she really cares a lot about this. Not beating the Falling In Love With Your Trial Wife allegations! Though to be fair, I don’t think either of them are really trying to beat those?

Haley tells her dad, sister, and niece how similar she and Magan are. They all know how different she is from Pilar. “We’ve always been super honest,” Magan tells them (for three weeks, I’ll remind you).

Haley’s sister immediately asks about kids, and Magan notes they discussed it on their first date. She reiterates she wants kids. She’s Lebanese and comes from a culture that emphasizes the importance of it. Haley tells her family that the fact that Magan wants to carry does nudge her a bit. This is not the Haley her sister knows! Haley’s dad is surprised, too, especially by how easy Magan and Haley are making this absurd situation seem.

Haley’s niece says Magan seems really genuine and kind but also starts crying, saying she really likes Pilar. Omg, someone assure this teen! I don’t think teens should be brought into the universe of this show at all! It’s too confusing and weird! If my sister were like “here’s this person I just met who I am considering a life with instead of the person I’ve been with for a DECADE” I would be so perplexed! But Haley does assure her that Pilar will always be in her life.

Magan reiterates that the whole experience has been eye-opening for her, and that not matter what a lot is going to change.

Britney + Marita

Marita wonders if she’ll have to change Britney’s name in her phone from “wifey” to “divorcee.” See, I love that these two are so unserious about it all. Suddenly, they’re crying and emotional, but it’s just because they both know what they want and aren’ sure if they’re going to get it from their partners.

Marita asks Britney what she hopes to see from AJ, and Britney isn’t sure what to expect from her. For what it’s worth, I do think Britney could end up with a ring on her finger at the end of all of this. I feel less sure of it for Marita.

But no one can say Marita didn’t have the best Trial Wife! Britney cooks her OXTAIL. It looks so fucking good!!!! That’s REAL love right there.

Ashley + Bridget

Not too much going on with these two, per usual. Bentley the dog prefers Bridget. They discuss how they need to better advocate for themselves when it comes to their Original Partners. The most interesting thing to me about this conversation personally is that Ashley lives in St. Pete! I’m sure I’ve probably seen her at the Dog Bar with Bentley.

Final Night of Trial Marriages

Dayna + Mel

On their last night together, Dayna and Mel read to each other from letters they wrote. Dayna wrote hers at 5 a.m. “I never knew how much I needed you,” she reads. Mel wrote a letter, too. “You have made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time,” she says. Who knows, maybe these two could go the distance!

Haley + Magan

These two are also NOT ready for The Changeover. They’re crying and cuddling in bed. Magan isn’t sure if she’s happy or sad right now. She has realized how important it is to make decisions for herself and that it’s possible to have the things you want.

Haley then says I LOVE YOU. And Magan says I LOVE YOU, TOO. They are IN LOVE. This, to me, is way juicier than sex.

The Changeover

Joanna “I’m an Ally” Garcia Swisher (yes, that’s her government name) is here to guide the stressed out lesbians through their feelings about The Changeover, during which they will exit their Trial Marriages with the people they chose and enter into new Trial Marriages with the Original Partners they came to the show with.

In a talking head, Pilar reveals her worst fear is that she’s ready for marriage and Haley is in love with someone else, to which I say: YIKES, GIRL. Because that’s indeed what has occurred.

Also heading into this conversation: Magan reiterates that every step she took with Haley was authentic but that she doesn’t necessarily want to close the book on Dayna. Dayna says Mel has promised her things beyond what Magan has promised. She says something about Haley getting her claws in Magan, and that’s such misdirected animosity. Haley has not manipulated Magan lol, Magan has made all her own choices. But I think choosing a narrative where it’s all Haley’s fault probably feels easier for her.

Sitting at the table, Britney shares that her Trial Marriage was amazing and that Marita was a huge cheerleader for her. I think these two are probably some of the only ones here who got real value out of this whole experience, and it’s because it had nothing to do with romance or sex but just personal growth.

Marita agrees. Britney gives her the “romantic antics” she doesn’t get from Ashley. Britney cooked her oxtail last night! AJ interrupts here: “I’m sorry?” She’s like THAT was a boundary! No oxtails were to be made! This is fair. This would be like me making my chai for another woman if I were on this show (in case it needs to be said: I WOULD NEVER BE ON THIS SHOW). Cutting through the brief humor of this moment, Ashley says she can see Britney giving Marita all the things she can’t. “I think they’d be a great couple honestly,” she says. AWK.

Ashley and Bridget have similarly had a very wholesome Trial Marriage focused on personal growth. Ashley compliments Bridget’s style and confidence. Bridget is proud of Ashley for building her self confidence and appreciates that she checks in before she leaves, which as we know Kyle does not. Bridget’s advice to Marita and Ashley is to both acknowledge their own faults. If Marita needs grand gestures, they need to better understand each other’s feelings more, Bridget suggests. Marita does not like receiving this relationship advice. She feels like Bridget is making assumptions. Ashley tells her to chill out, because they’re all in the same boat and probably all making assumptions about each other’s original relationships after the Trial Marriages. Here’s the thing about Ashley and Marita: They just truly don’t seem like a good fit for each other and not for any dramatic reasons. It’s just not a fit!

Pilar and Kyle are back to being in a very good place. Pilar acknowledges they had their hard moments but feels they came out stronger than ever. Kyle says Pilar helped her work through her emotions and be more understanding and mature through conflict. She tells Pilar she has so much time to work through things with Haley. DOES SHE? Because Haley seems to be very in love with someone else!

Okay, FINALLY, it’s time for some drama! Pilar does not care for the fact that Haley posted a quote on her Instagram story that said: “Sometimes you want to disappear but all you want to do is be found.” Now, personally, I think the main reason she should be mad about Haley posting this quote is because it doesn’t really make sense? And sounds silly? But no, Pilar is mad because she feels like Haley is passive aggressively suggesting something about their relationship and her new relationship with Magan. But Haley REALLY gets the kicker here: “You’re gonna talk to me about stories when you posted Kyle with heart eye emojis and then blocked me???????” DAMNNNNNN. Bridget is quietly like “I didn’t know about that.”

BLOCKED?

BLOCKED.

Pilar scoots past this little heart eyes / blocked accusation and asks if there’s really nothing more to Haley and Magan.

“We’re very authentic,” Magan says. “We’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Things just got good. Is it just me or is this season WAY more bonkers than last season? And that’s really saying something…

But oh wait, it’s about to get even wilder.

Next: Ultimatum Queer Love Season Two Recap Episode 7

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The Choice has been made. The first Trial Marriages have begun. It’s time to delve into The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two episodes 4 and 5! Catch up on episodes 1-3 in my previous recap. And hop on into episodes 6 and 7 when you’re done here.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 4

We’re going to hop around to different parts of the episode but organized by each couple! That seems like the best way to wrangle this gay chaos into something structured.

First Week of Trial Marriages

AJ + Marie

While out, Marie orders for AJ at a restaurant, which AJ finds very hot. They’re talking about future baby names, and Marie thinks AJ Jr. sounds pretty dang cute. AJ is very happy with her choice and brings up the fact that Marie brings her “chai tea” in the morning. I’m sure Britney could bring you chai in the morning, too! Sorry, just really rooting for AJ and Britney to make it work!

It’s not all rainbows and sunshine for these faux newlyweds though. Later in the episode, AJ gets a call from Britney and leaves the apartment, presumably to meet up with her, but we don’t get any footage. She comes home at 1 a.m., and and AJ is telling the dog to be quiet so as not to wake up Marie, but there’s Marie, popping on the light like a spooky gay ghost in the corner. She does not seem thrilled that AJ is getting home so late.

The next day, Marie is talking about the Valkyries, Orlando’s pro volleyball team. AJ thinks Orlando should have a WNBA team, and SAME. But then it’s time to talk about allegedly more pressing matters, like where AJ absconded to in the night. AJ shares she has seen Britney twice since their Trial Marriage began. It’s not technically against the rules per se, but it’s not exactly how things work either, so Marie feels betrayed and like a fool. While Marie was previously charmed by AJ, she thinks they’re no longer aligned on anything.

At one point, Marie sadly asks her cat if she’ll marry her. Yikes!

Bridget + Ashley 

These two are mostly just being sweet together, jokingly calling each other wifey. Bridget makes Ashley coffee. It’s true: 90% of marriage is making coffee for someone.

We don’t get a ton of screen-time from these two, but a very intense scene comes later in the episode when Ashley opens up about her first relationship in college. She couldn’t have friends, because her ex would accuse her of cheating. Her ex was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, and a roommate of Ashley’s called the cops on her ex when things got violent one night. Ashley ended up lying for her ex in court and kept dating her for a while after. It sounds like a very bad situation! I’m glad she’s opening up about it, because it’s important to talk about domestic violence in queer relationships. Too often, we’re left out of those conversations, which only makes it easier for abusers to get away with their behaviors. Bridget is a very good and supportive listener in all this. She doesn’t judge Ashley for staying with her ex as long as she did.

I’m like oh it makes so much sense why you have baggage about not only marriage but also the grand romantic gestures Marita is so desperate for. I can’t know for sure about Ashley’s particular situation, but abusive relationships also often come with a lot of grand romantic gestures in attempts to manipulate or otherwise smooth over the abuse. If Ashley’s struggling to give Marita the grand romantic antics she wants, maybe this is why! I wonder how much she has talked to Marita about this. Throughout the season, we see some of the cast opening up about personal issues in ways they haven’t quite reached with their actual partners. I think that makes sense! It’s way lower stakes to open up to someone you’ve just met. (The cameras might make it high stakes, but you’d be surprised. I watch enough reality television to know that actually people have an easier time getting vulnerable in front of cameras than in their regular lives. There’s almost a layer of UNreality to it for them.)

Marita + Britney

While I am not rooting for these two to fall in love because that seems entirely out of the question, I AM rooting for these two to have a beautiful and long-lasting femme4femme friendship. They got each other flowers! Marita doesn’t know Britney met up with AJ, but I don’t think she’d care as much as Marie does. Britney resolves to show Marita “some daddy energy” tonight by cooking for her. This is sweet! They could end up having the happiest Trial Marriage precisely because they’re treating it not like a trial run for romance but as a chance to get to know someone and open up about their relationships with a free nice apartment with a view.

Pilar + Kyle

Pilar and Kyle kick off their Trial Marriage by starting a Polaroid photo wall. If only things could stay this sweet and wholesome forever, but there’s drama coming for these two’s artificial martial bliss. Kyle already seems on edge right away, and the two of them get very lost in the sauce of a cake metaphor for marriage where Pilar is like do you really want to eat the same cake for the rest of your life, and Kyle is like yeah, I really like the cake! I’m not wondering about other cakes!

Later, on a day date, Kyle apologizes for being so in her head. There’s a lot happening for her. It seems to me like she might be regretting this whole Going On Reality Television thing. She observes it doesn’t seem like Pilar is dealing with the same inner turmoil she is, and Pilar assures her she is. She says if she can suddenly see herself with another person, that’s going to be really telling for her in how she feels about her actual relationship. She seems to be invested in the viability of the experiment as something that can actually show you something about your self/relationship.

Haley + Magan

Okay, we’re going to get into the meat of the episode now, starting with the fact that Magan and Haley are so clearly and quickly falling for each other. They’re playing pool and being very flirty. Later in the episode, Magan literally GIGGLES at Haley yawning. Oh girl, you’re FALLING falling.

They have a heart-to-heart about Magan’s familial baggage, an issue Haley is no doubt familiar with given Pilar’s situation. Magan says because she wasn’t taking herself seriously, her family wasn’t either. “I was unsure, so they were unsure,” she says. “Now I don’t feel unsure. I feel confident.” She gave her family so many passes before, but now she’s feeling more secure in herself and her sexuality. She’ll keep trying with them, so long as she’s getting respect and her partner is getting respect. Haley gives her a heartfelt and genuine pep talk, and Magan tells her she means a lot to her.

Later, Haley and Magan run into Mel and Dayna at the apartment complex pool, and Dayna apparently didn’t say hello to Magan or even acknowledge her. Magan’s hurt. We’ll come back to this little pool incident!

Magan and Haley feel so safe and protected together. It seems like both really needed someone to open up to and be vulnerable with, and I get the impression they haven’t been able to be vulnerable in their relationships. (Their original relationships are so different though: Haley has been with Pilar for a decade, and Magan and Dayna have been together less than two years.)

And it doesn’t seem like solely an emotional connection here…there’s real romantic chemistry! They play sexy games with a blindfold! Magan likes physical intimacy, like a hand on a leg, and kisses places other than lips. Haley says sex can really tell you how a relationship is going. God, this show really is only interesting when people have sex during their Trial Marriages, so I’m hoping that’s where this is leading!!!!! If not for them, I think it’s safe to say it’ll happen for………

Mel + Dayna

Mel and Dayna are pretty hot and heavy right away in their Trial Marriage, too. Mel wants Dayna to be in the room while she pees! Mel goes full chef mode for their first dinner together, making a beautiful fish. Dayna says she doesn’t her dirty fingers touching her food, and Mel seizes the opportunity to ask “where would you like me to put my dirty fingers?” I love that this show reveals the true nature of lesbians, which is that we love a dirty joke, possibly even more than straight men do. We’re filthy!

They enjoy their beautiful dinner on the balcony with their beautiful view of the sunset. This used to be my life like every night for the two years I lived in Miami. The show is making me miss it.

They ruminate on the choices they made in each other. Mel thought they were going to fight, which is interesting for her to confess since she did indeed CHOOSE Dayna. She thought they were going to fight AND she chose her? I have a lot of questions about what Mel thinks a relationship is supposed to look/feel like, because she does seem to really value conflict. Dayna thought she was going to have trust issues with Mel, which is a wild thing to say about someone you’ve just met, but alas. She WILL drive her food truck into a river, as we know.

Dayna is shocked and delighted that Mel cooked the fish with truffle oil, which she has never had before. “You spent $25 on an oil you don’t even like for ME?” she asks. That is, indeed, romance.

Dayna and Mel have a day date by the pool, where Dayna reflects on the evening before when Mel apparently took the gum out of Dayna’s mouth for herself. How very Sirens-coded of them. Dayna shares in a talking head that she usually takes longer to process things, but she’s letting go with Mel.

Not everyone is thrilled about Dayna and Mel’s pool date though. As mentioned, Magan did not like that Dayna did not acknowledge her. And Marie really doesn’t like that Mel also ignores her. These pool encounters between the couples aren’t captured on camera, but the reactions to them sure are. Marie can’t believe Mel wouldn’t even make eye contact with her, and this leads to what looks a lot like a panic attack she has in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Mel and Dayna are in their own little bubble that apparently no one can penetrate, not even for a casual hello. Mel says her feelings have grown for Dayna, and oh boy they’re making out on the balcony! There’s a booty grab! It’s a for real make out, and it’s fully on camera.

Before heading out for another night out, Mel asks if Dayna “wants to tongue” before they leave. Not the way I’d word it, but to each their own.

Second Week of Trial Marriages

Mel + Dayna

Let’s stick with these two. So, we’ve got some physical intimacy happening at the end of week one of the Trial Marriage. And now at the start of week two, they’re discussing the codependency that has already emerged. (It sounds like some classic enmeshment to me, too, but I can’t expect them to know every therapy term on these shows.) Dayna points out they’re spending all their time together, and Mel says she feels like they could spend even more time together (joking…I hope?!). The only time they’re not together is when one of them is in the shower.

Mel asks Dayna how long she would wait after getting married to have kids. Dayna wants a really big wedding, one that not only she and her future partner could never forget but her guests, too. Okay, so yeah, she’s that type of girl, which is no shade from me! I wanted a big wedding, too. But I didn’t until I was with the person who I wanted it with…if that makes sense. I think sometimes people hinge all their hopes and dreams on a hypothetical huge wedding where it doesn’t really matter who the other person is. I was always drawn to the idea of a big wedding, but it was always going to depend on whether the person I was with wanted it too and whether I thought that fit our relationship’s style and needs. ENOUGH ABOUT ME. Mel is indeed opening every so slightly up to the idea of marriage, if she had the right person. I’m starting to feel like Marie isn’t that person for her if that’s the way she’s talking about it here.

Pilar + Kyle

Okay, yikes, we have something serious happening here. Kyle and Pilar return home to the apartment, and Pilar is crying and apologizing. Kyle explains to the camera that they were out dancing and Pilar wanted to kiss, and Kyle said no, but then later in the night Pilar started making out with her and Kyle didn’t stop her. It’s difficult to get a grasp on exactly what happened given that it was all off camera, and it becomes more muddled and confusing in the episode to come, but basically it sounds like there was some boundary blurring or crossing, and now they’re both trying to figure out how to proceed.

This is also when I recall that 60% of this show is People Having Serious Conversations Under Blankets on the Couch. We indeed get one of those scenes here, with Pilar and Kyle on the couch chatting about what happened. Kyle doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Pilar feels guilt because everyone seems to think it’s so easy for her going through this process. She feels stupid. Kyle doesn’t think her boundaries were being respected. She says Pilar had been saying a lot of things the night before, and Pilar says it was because Kyle said she likes words of affirmation. “So you’re like playing the game?” Kyle asks, and Pilar takes great offense at this. She doesn’t feel like she was leading Kyle on or playing any type of game. She says Kyle is pinning something on her that was mutual, painting it in a weird way. She walks out.

Again, I’m having trouble discerning everything here, especially since they’re both speaking kind of vaguely and because we didn’t see the evening out in question. Episode five delves into it some more, so let’s go ahead and move right on along.

Next: Ultimatum Queer Love Recap: Episode 5

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