Krisily Kennedy Likes Girls: The Autostraddle Interview

You might recall when The Bachelor’Krisily Kennedy caused the Lesbian Internet to explode back in late October by announcing her bisexuality in Life & Style Magazine. Riese’s coverage of this historic event, replete with award-winning graphics, caused a mini bisexual meltdown from our readers, because the word “bisexual” has that affect on the internet.

Krisily was best known for her stint on super-hetero reality show The Bachelor. She made it to the final two in 2005, and then later went on to appear in The Bachelor Pad, described by Riese as “about what happens when your girlfriend kicks a bachelor in the nose and then uses a menstrual pad to stop the bleeding.” Then, at the October 21st GLSEN Awards, Kennedy came out to the magazine, said she’d just broken up with her girlfriend of a year, and that she was open to love with people of all genders.

Here’s the thing: Krisily Kennedy is a real person with a real story and a real sexuality and why speculate when we could just talk to the source. She reached out to Riese, Riese thought it would be awesome to have an interview with her and so did I and now here we are!

Honestly, I had a kickass thirty minutes or so talking to Krisily, learning about how none other than Kate Moennig inspired her gay awakening, her friendships with The Real L Word girls, how supportive the Bachelor fans have been, and why she was so hurt by our reader comments insulting her bisexuality.

So you reached out to us to clear the air on your coming out interview that exploded on Autostraddle last month.

Well, my main concern was that everybody based their opinion of me off that one interview in Life & Style. And that one interview was not completely accurate which we all know happens so many times in the press. It had some wording that I wasn’t real happy with and that was one of things I heard a lot of people respond to. Specifically, it was the one line that claimed I said “kids were unnecessarily killing themselves.” Like I would ever think that kids could necessarily kill themselves. Totally not the wording I used, but whatever. No one called me to verify or elaborate on that supposed statement – ever. I had read other blogs that were writing about me but for some odd reason the Autostraddle article had tons of comments – and the most of any articles you had posted that week even. So I figured maybe Autostraddle would be willing to talk one-on-one with me, rather than posting a bunch of really old pictures of me which weren’t exactly recent… which was fun [laughing].  I mean some of those pictures dated back to 2002, which is hysterical. But it was fun. I took it all in fun. You can’t get mad at things like that when you are in the media in any way.

What inspired you to come out in Life & Style?

I’ve been doing red carpet since the first Bachelor Pad last summer and I’ve never in my life gone to a red carpet. I had no idea what they consisted of. When I did The Bachelor we weren’t famous and I still don’t think that we’re famous. But we do have voices and I try to use them for good once in a while. When I started doing all these interviews I started realizing that “Okay, they care what I have to say.”

I’ve always had kind of a Facebook following, but I wasn’t on Twitter. So I joined Twitter and I started seeing like “Wow. There’s 7,000 people who give a shit about what I have to say.” And to me that was really powerful. And so when I started doing the interviews I started, little by little, talking about different things. And whether it was like dog rescue or whatever. And I have been dating women for three years but that part of my life I have never talked about. I was dating men before that so I didn’t necessarily see that it was important for me to lead with my relationships. I felt that there were other things about me that were more important. And then last year ALL those kids started killing themselves. It was literally, I’ll never forget like a week where there were literally six boys. And I couldn’t believe that teenagers, at any point in their life, thought that it was that bad. Because I went through stuff. We’ve all gone through stuff and I don’t ever remember saying to myself “I’d rather be dead.” So at that point it was like, “Okay, I can come out and start talking about it or I can not.”

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When did you know you were interested in girls? Were you hooking up with girls in high school?

Oh no! I was the girl in high school that would go out with a bunch of friends and my friends would make out with each other to get the boy’s attention and I’d be like, “Oh my god, you are disgusting.”

If you want to make out with a girl because you like her, go for it. Go for it. But you’re just making out with her for a guy’s attention? I honestly didn’t want any part of it and I would leave. And I was never disgusted by “gay.” I mean, my cousin is gay and I’ve always had people in my family and friends who were out. ”Gay” wasn’t something that was like a disease for us. You know what I mean? I didn’t grow up in a place that people didn’t agree with it. It just wasn’t talked about and I never, in high school or any of that, had a crush on a girl or any of those things.

So, I moved to LA five years ago.  My ex-boyfriend and I got a dog. He traveled for work and I had no friends so I went to the dog park everyday. I met a girl at the dog park who turned my world upside down is the only way to describe it. Every time I saw her I wanted to throw up —  in a good way. She used to make me nervous. I would sweat. I couldn’t form sentences. I had no idea who she was. It turned out, of course, that she was an L Word actress that I had never heard of because I didn’t know what The L Word was. I was a straight girl from Rhode Island.

Krisily & Oscar

Who was the girl?

Oh, who do you think? Come on. Who turns every straight girl on The L Word?

Wait. You met Kate Moennig in real life and this happened?

She used to frequent a dog park and I don’t know how comfortable she’d be with me telling people that. But she would always keep to herself and we’d sit in the corner and my dog would play with her dog. I would sit and talk to her every once in a while. And she just turned my world upside down. I was like, “Oh my god.” My best friend at the time was like “You have a girl crush.” And I was like “No way! If I was going to like girls, I would have liked girls a long time ago. This doesn’t happen at my age. You see it on Oprah. It’s not real. They’re acting.” Not that I ever didn’t think that it could happen I had just never seen it within me before. But there was definitely something…. [laughing] that I liked in her. Who doesn’t? First of all, she’s gorgeous. She’s really really nice and she’s so NOT that kind of celebrity that’s all over the place. She’s very to herself and we used to laugh about how we liked people more than dogs. I would go to the dog park EVERY day looking for her for months. But I honestly had no idea who she was until I turned on the television. [laughs]

gay yet?

So, wait a second. You became friends with her. You had no idea who she was. And then…

I wouldn’t say “friends.” We didn’t exchange phone numbers. You know what I mean. We weren’t like…I don’t have her phone number. We didn’t exchange e-mails. We would just sit and talk at the dog park. If you live in L.A. or you know anyone who lives in L.A. you know everybody who has a dog goes to the dog park. And what happens is you end up meeting dog park friends. Actually some of my best friends I’ve met from the dog park.

But how did…

She would sit in the corner by herself. And she had a little Chihuahua mix Pit thing and my dog would always go play with her dog. My dog was a considerable amount bigger so I just approached the girl in the hoodie at the table said, “Hey, listen if she gets too aggressive, just let me know. She doesn’t usually play with small dogs.” And her, she looked at me and she was like, “Well, she doesn’t like any dogs so let’s let them play.” And then we would just sit and bullshit. I mean, literally, it was nothing more than talk on a bench over dogs.

What year was this?

God. When did I move to L.A.? Four years ago?

So The L Word was still on the air.

Absolutely. Oh god, yeah. What happened the day she left to go film I had said to her, “Hey, maybe I’ll see you next week.” And her reply was, “Well, I’m going to Canada for work for a little while. Maybe when I get back.” And I absolutely think that I left my phone number on her car, but obviously she never called. [laughs]

Aww. So did you ever find her again at the dog park?

No, I don’t go to the dog park anymore because my 285 lb dog doesn’t do too well with Chihuahuas. [laughs] So we don’t go anymore and I’ve never seen her since. Actually I’m lying. I saw her one day in West Hollywood at a juice bar in line in front of me and I couldn’t form a sentence to even order my juice. It was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

That’s so funny. That is the greatest story ever.

It IS the greatest story. Then she left to go to Canada and she walked out to her car and I remember  this dog walker came up to me and she’s like “Don’t you know who that is?” And I was like, “No.”  And she’s like, “Don’t you watch The L Word? You live in West Hollywood.” I was like, “I’m a straight girl from Rhode Island. What the hell is The L Word?” I then proceeded to watch every single episode within a month. [laughs]

[laughs] I’m dying.

So I called my mom. The best part was, I’m very much what you see is what you get, and I don’t think most people understand that about me. And so I called my mom instantly and was like, “I met this girl at the dog park. And her name is Kate and she makes me want to throw up.” And my mom was like, “Excuse me!” [laughs]

Oh my god. Okay, alright.

Never seen her since. You know a little dog park conversation. But I then kind of tested waters and decided maybe I think I want to do this. I had been in a relationship with a guy for a really long time, and he was my best friend. I told him this was going on and he didn’t like it. We didn’t talk for a while. So I started dating women and my first girlfriend is now my best friend. I wouldn’t really call her my girlfriend, but we definitely dated. Some of my best friends… I think every lesbian is friends with their ex-girlfriends. But I’ve consistently dated both since then. So it’s been three years where I’ve consistently dated men and women.

How many serious relationships have you had with women?


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Jess is a pop culture junkie living in New York City. She enjoys endless debates about The L Word, Howard Stern, new techy gadgets, DVR, exploring the labyrinth of the Lesbian Internet, memoirs, working out, sushi, making lists, artsy things, anything Lady Gaga touches, traveling, puppies, and nyc in the fall. Find her on Twitter @jessxnyc or via email.

Jess has written 240 articles for us.


    • I know..Right..She just simultaneously round-house kicked and bitch-slapped all those negative commenters square in their gold-star bragging faces! If all bisexual ladies are this awesome, I may need to get me one!

      • hang on, I remember the most negative comments were from one weird anti-bisexual person and then everybody else totally called her/him out and told them to stop being a douche, and really stood up for krisily?
        it’s a shame only that one negative person stuck in her mind, she doesn’t have an agenda coming out and seems like a really nice girl.

        • It is a shame, but I think most people are likely to remember someone really awful versus a dozen good things, especially when it’s something as big and personal as coming out.

          This was an awesome interview

  1. Hi Krisly!

    I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings in the comments from the original Autostraddle article about that line from your other interview. You seem very nice and like a real human being.

    asshole internet commenter

  2. Amen, sister. I didn’t realize I was queer till 24. I’ve been living with my girlfriend for over two years. My parents still think it’s a phase, but I finally feel whole.

    “Bisexuals: we exist.” Can that be our new slogan?

  3. I got increasingly crazily happy as I read more and more of this interview. I am so glad/impressed that Krisily contacted AS to set the record straight, and did so in such an articulate and endearing manner.

    The initial article I took to be a light-hearted poke at the way the media sensationalises the comings-out of even the most dubiously famous people. I think the people that chose to be dismissive based on bi-hate/erasure or Krisily’s reality-fuelled celebrity might have forgotten there was still a real person there. I hope they’re feeling a bit sheepish about that now, but probably not, because it’s still the internet.

    I think the community needs to hang on to people with intelligent things to say about queer issues, whatever their background, so best of luck to Krisily in whatever she pursues.

  4. I missed most of the comments on that initial article about Krisily – wow, that got really uncool. I’m really glad that you followed up with another interview with her because she should get to give her point of view. And she seems like a pretty cool woman, too.

    That Kate Moennig story is hilarious! We should just send her out to as many public places as possible so the gravitational pull of her charisma will pull all the gay and bi women out.

  5. The story about Kate Moennig is the best thing ever!! I guess “Shane” really is the role of her life, heh.

    Great interview Jess, I didn’t know anything about Krisily Kennedy or the previous comments’ shitstorm last month and it’s awesome that she took on contacting AS. She sounds like a smart and funny girl and had a bunch of interesting things to say, thanks to you two. :)

  6. I’m glad that she approached Autostraddle to set the record straight. After reading this article my opinion of her just got better and I think she’d be a great person to talk to. I feel mad at the people putting her down >:(

    Anyhoo, I wish Krisily the best and her pic at the pool is really adorbs!! I’ve mentioned this in the previous article about her but I DON’T. GIVE. A. FRICKING. DAMN! XD

  7. That story about Kate Moennig is UNBELIEVABLE. Like, it seems like it came from a lesbian romantic comedy. I would totally watch that movie…
    This is a great interview, guys–I’m happy to see Krisily get a chance to speak for herself. Don’t let the assholes get you down, Krisily!

  8. thank goodness for this article. absolutely loved it. it’s incredibly disheartening to have one’s queerness questioned, especially by people within the community. props to krisily for speaking up- as a fellow bisexual, i definitely needed it!

  9. dear commenters, especially the ones who may have noticed their comments on this thread getting deleted:

    if you’re interested in having YET ANOTHER flame war/ Oppression Olympics on this fucking bisexual topic then good news! That conversation has already taken over EVERY SINGLE OTHER THREAD THAT MENTIONS BISEXUALITY ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE so you can just go take it up there ( may i suggest this post, this post, this post, this post. or this post). I swear we cannot say the word “bisexual” without it going up in flames.

    And you know what? Nothing changes, everyone gets upset, and honestly it makes us hate our jobs. Often it devolves into arguing over sweeping generalizations and hypothetical situations that ultimately have nothing to do with the actual topic of the post. IT’S BORING. you’re never gonna agree on this, just shut the holy living fuck up. Recognize that you dont actually have to share every feeling you have the minute that you have it. There’s a time and a fucking place.

    I know I sound like your Mom right now, but my #1 feeling reading the end of Krisily’s interview was shame. I’m embarrassed that her story was treated that way on a site that claims to be smart and about community and love. i’m embarrassed that instead of continuing to praise me for my fantastic award-winning Krisily Kennedy graphics on that post, y’all started fighting about bisexuality again.

    I’m really sorry that the post about you devolved into that situation, Krisily. I really am. I hope you know that 95% of the time, it’s not like that here.

    This declaration has nothing to do with my own personal opinion, which is irrelevant and probs would surprise some of you. But you know what? I’ve had no desire to join these fights because, well, firstly I recognize that my opinion and your opinion are not mutually exclusive, but mostly because I want to be HAPPY today. i’d like to have a NICE FUCKING DAY.

    this is supposed to be a safe, supportive environment for EVERYONE. on both sides. okay? can you all just be nice today. can you let your love for humanity, peace and togetherness overwhelm your passionate venom for flame wars?

    i’d really like that.

    so if your comment got deleted, that’s why.


  10. Hey bi girl,
    “Recognize that you dont actually have to share every feeling you have the minute that you have it. There’s a time and a fucking place”

    ^This so fucking fucking hard, respect and I am glad you said it. Stay sexy.

  11. I just asked my bisexual girlfriend her opinion: “Fuck..It’s just a word..Call me ‘para-emotional’..Or how about omni-libidinous…Ooh..No..Dys-sexic! I date who I date because I’m into the PERSON! And if you don’t think that doesn’t make me ‘queer’ by societies standards then..then..then your sleeping alone tonight!” Needless to say she’s plenty queer enough for me!

  12. Ok, clearly people missed my theme from the first Krisily Kennedy post that went to hell. Therefore, I will repeat it now.


    Seriously, I have enough hugs for everybody.

  13. Okay okay so I gotta say that I have new respect for bisexuals after reading this. I think its definitely a touchy topic for lesbians particularly, I think because of the jealousy bit, but the most important thing is respecting someones SELF identification. I also think people respect the claim a lot more from someone in their late twenties and past that. I’m sorry that your celebrity status made people question it, that’s unfortunate, but I think mostly we like to use a high-profile case to get out frustration, which is really obnoxious and unnecessary. If you don’t want to date a bisexual, don’t fucking date a bisexual. Its pretty easy.

    Riese, you can delete this comment if you want but I think krisily did the interview to clear up the airspace and deleting every single comment that doesn’t say ‘i love you forever’ is a bit disrespectful to her as well as the community here that isn’t interested in flame wars, but wants to actually address the main thrust of the interview itself.

    In other news, I like me a fierce woman and the part about how she got on the show was pretty brilliant.

  14. This is the greatest thing I have read this week and it is only slightly more great than the initial post, the renamed pictures of which (“the-doors-a-lesbian-though” was by far my favorite) had me laughing so hard in my office that my boss came in to see what was the ruckus and I got caught redhanded trolling A/S at work. I am so happy to see Krisily get a chance to share her personality with us and she sounds like a really lovely person. Also that story about Kate Moennig is the most ridiculous and crazy thing ever and I will probably not be able to shut up about it for another week. Kisses!!!

    PS Lizz you’ve got some competition for the future Mrs. Kennedy – also I use to row in college? Does that count as sporty?

  15. Maybe it’s because I identified as bisexual for so long before finally settling on queer (really more like pansexual but that’s just ridiculously hard to explain), but I have never understood the hate lesbians have for bisexuals. At all. We go on and on about how sexuality is fluid, and only you can accurately determine your sexuality, and you do you, but then people flip the the fuck out when someone comes out as bi. I mean, really? It’s just so counter-intuitive and discouraging. Kinda reminds me of the lesbian hate the early feminist movement had in some ways.

    Whatever, this was adorable and awesome and now I want to take my dog to a dog park and find the cute girls. Krisily seems really nice and awesome! Wonderful interview!

    • “we go on and on about how sexuality is fluid, and only you can accurately determine your sexuality, and you do you, but then people flip the the fuck out when someone comes out as bi.”

      No, I don’t think lesbians, in general, feel this way. I think this is actually used AGAINST lesbians to undermine their sexuality. There is some general feeling that women have fluid sexualities, when in reality being a lesbian can be a very concrete, tangible thing. I think lesbians have an issue with this projection onto their sexuality, merely because they are women, while men’s sexuality is viewed as definite.

      • Hm, ok, I can see your objection to the word “fluid” when talking about women’s sexuality. I think the phrase “sexuality is on a spectrum” would work better maybe? But then you have the people who’s sexuality is actually pretty fluid and would move up and down such a “spectrum”. I think that’s where the phrase “you do you” comes in. I was really parroting a lot of the articles and essays I read about sexuality when I used that phrase, but whatever. Oh, also, I’ve known plenty of lesbians who see their sexuality as pretty damn fluid, but less gay men. I think this maybe comes down to socialization? Like, since women are socialized to not have a sex drive anyways, they have more room to mess around with it when they do discover it on their own, while men are told they have an over active sex drive and only in one direction, so this makes their thinking about sexuality a bit more rigid then women?

    • I shouldn’t to continue to hijack this nice Krisily Kennedy post to talk more about various sexual orientations when Riese has nicely asked us not too… but…

      “we go on and on about how sexuality is fluid” — I kinda think you’re understanding that term differently than how term is usually used?

      Like I think you mean to say “we go on and on about how there is a broad range of sexual orientations between heterosexual and homosexual” – that’s definitely true; people fall in lots of places on the scale between hetero and homo. I think what most fair-minded people here would agree with that.

      “Sexual fluidity” is a little different than though – it means that a person may move around on the Kinsey scale at various points in their lives. Many women report this to be true of themselves, but it isn’t necessarily true of all women.

      This is where some lesbians get defensive, because some people out there on the internets want to say “all women are sexually fluid.” I personally don’t feel that I’m sexually fluid. But I understand if other women report that they are. This is a part of the “you do you” I think.

      Sorry Riese, if you think this is maybe an inappropriate place for this, I understand.

      • ha, it’s okay steph, i almost broke my own declaration and commented myself.

        some women feel fluid, some women don’t!

        lesbians have a right to be taken seriously when they say “i like women and only women and that is never ever ever going to change, ever.” it’s incredibly insulting to tell a lesbian who says she’s confident that women are her bag, always have been and always will be, that she’s just not evolved/conscious enough to recognize her own “fluidity,” or to tell her that “most women are fluid” and therefore she probably is too. it’s annoying to tell a lesbian whose identification as a lesbian has been really fucking difficult — the lack of civil rights and etc — a lesbian who has likely had to sacrifice friends/family/safety/health in order to be who she is — that she’s just floating around on a continuum just like the rest of the girls out there! That’s SO belittling to lesbians, and it’s stupid to imply that there’s any chance she’s gonna flow on over into some dude’s pants. no. no no no. she is who she says she is.

        AND those who feel “sexually fluid” have a right to be taken seriously when they say “i am sexually fluid, it’s on a continuum,” etc., whatever. it’s insulting to tell someone who feels very certain that their sexual attraction to ppl isn’t set in stone based on gender that they’re just “confused” or that they’ll “figure it out” one day. they have figured it out. they’ve figured out that it’s fucking fluid. she is who she says she is.

        AND those who say they’re bisexual and are attracted to both men and women have a right to be taken seriously when they say “I am bisexual.” It’s insulting to tell someone who has done the standard soul-searching to figure out who they are, which comes with its own challenges and stigmas, that she’s just having a phase, or even worse, that she’s literally LYING about who she is and that really she only wants to ride the male hobby horse alllll the way past tuna town. she is who she says she is.

        and that
        my friends
        is you do you

        • I’m not gonna lie, Riese. That comment literally just lifted a burden that I’ve had since middle school. I didn’t realize I liked girls until middle school at which point I came out as bisexual. Then in high school, I stopped being attracted to males and had this girlfriend and all these new gay and lesbian friends and so I re-came out as a lesbian. Then, to my surprise (and especially to the surprise and dismay of my gay and lesbian friends), I fell in love with a guy. So at that point I didn’t know what the fuck I was, so I sort of jokingly came out as a “lesbian with one exception”. It’s been bothering me SO HARD for so long.

          But now you’ve made me realize that I don’t have to “figure it out” because I have! :D I’m sexually fluid and I feel so happy to not have to care about finding my label now. Thank you! An internet comment changed my life! 8D

          Also, I’m sure a lot of people would interpret my history as me just being a confused bisexual. But I really don’t feel like I’m bisexual because there are many conditions and factors that I don’t care to get into right now that tell me I’m not a bisexual. And the people who don’t think bisexuals are a thing would argue that I’m either straight and confused or a lesbian and confused. But, also wrong. So ima do me now, thanks.

  16. Krisily, thanks for being brave and feisty and honest and loving who you love and telling a wonderful dog park story.

    Jess, thanks for yet another wonderful interview.

    Riese, thanks for creating this space and working incredibly hard and doing what you can to keep this place filled with love and not hate.

    As a person who comments fairly frequently and considers this community to be a home of sorts, I’m embarrassed and disgusted. How can we expect the rest of the world to love and accept us for simply being human beings if we can’t accept our own brothers and sisters?

  17. I felt a hell of a lot more accepted by this site when I identified as “straight but confused” (under a different username) than as bisexual. Not because of anything said directly TO ME, but because of the flame wars that inevitably break out when someone mentions bisexuality.

  18. Gotta start taking my dog to more parks; there might be a les rom-com waiting for me.

    Very cool of Krisily to reach out to AS and share some of her story with us. Much respect to her. I didn’t read the flame war (’cause that kind of stuff gives me anxiety and makes me feel ashamed for humanity) but I imagine it takes some guts to put yourself up before a formerly less-than-friendly audience and be vulnerable and say “hey, you hurt me, my sexuality exists, and this is me.”

  19. I am one of the many bisexuals here on Autostraddle, though I often feel the need to curl up in a ball in the corner when it gets discussed.

    I guess my feeling is maybe lesbians are so dismissive of bisexuals because they feel that is how they are treated? Like if the right guy came along they would turn straight, but they wouldn’t because they really only like girls. While us bisexuals just like to flow with which ever hot body has got us well hot. Which also lends to the “it’s just a phase” thinking, but it isn’t a phase, its an attraction to a specific person regardless of gender.

    If that makes sense to anyone else. Anyway my point was Thank you very very much for this post. Krisily does a much better job than me articulating the fact we should ALL be supportive of each other. Negativity will only breed more negativity.

    • Yeah..Sorry you feel that way sometimes..A persons insecurities about a partner leaving stem from within themselves, not within the relationship..I just don’t get the hate and judgement..When I asked my bisexual girlfriend why me, she said “You make my teeth chatter” Good enough for me! And since I’m a lesbian, and she has all the lady parts it’s a win/win!

  20. im so glad that the people who did the original shit stirring aren’t regular on this site, otherwise i wudda stopped giggling at the sidelines a looonng time ago. that was a sad day. Krisily and kates adventures would make a kick arse mini web series. maybe kate could star as giant cardboard cut out dana-styleeyy avec chiwawa :)

  21. I completely missed the original flame war, I just saw an article about a reality tv star and went “next!” but I did read this and wow, mad respect! great interview. and the shane story is just amazing.
    I really oughta watch the l word properly sometimes. it aired late, and it was the l world so it wasnt as if I could watch on the tv on the living room you know? so Ive watched eps here and there but out of order

    so,um,go kelly, sorry krisily. awesome story

  22. I totally relate to the “see her in the juice bar later, have no idea what to say” part. Fucking awesome that Kate Moennig has that effect off the screen. Keep on keepin on Ms. Kennedy. I think it’s really valuable when people in the public eye are out, assuming that is possible in their life situation. I personally appreciate the efforts you’ve made to be out about your bisexuality.

  23. Wow. Thank you so much for this. I can’t come up with anything intelligent to say other than I love every part of this interview. Go Krisily for responding so bravely and eloquently to the haters. Reading this made me feel so good because the comments on the last article hurt so much.

    Now I’m just sad I’m not a tomboy because Krisily is the greatest.

  24. Hey!!

    WOW, is all I can say such a big thanks to Riese and Jess for the follow up. Loving all the chatter and of course all love too. Thanks for letting me share my side of the story and be heard and thanks to all of you that read it and didn’t just click next! The more we talk and share the more we grow!

    HUGS to you all! We are all fighting the same war so if we stood together it would be so much easier!

    LOVE YOU! xoxo

  25. jess i love this interview! the shane story is actually amazing — like, i’m amazed. that was almost my exact fantasy re: meeting kate moennig, except obvs @ yoga class bc i don’t have a dog.

    ANYWAY thank you krisily for calling out the idiot commenters and standing up for a whole slew of people! awesome. also you put your PHONE NUMBER on kate moennig’s AUTOMOBILE like a pro, which is just like — ? — omg. so much respect.

    • i feel laneia is drawing attention to a very crucial element of this story that has been overlooked:

      “also you put your PHONE NUMBER on kate moennig’s AUTOMOBILE like a pro, which is just like — ? — omg. so much respect.”


  26. I am upset that most of the comments are overlooking what is clearly the most important part of this post and that is that Krisily MET KATE MOENNIG.

    Just kidding, the most important part is obvs that this is an interview with someone who is representing the queer community well and doing what she can to make EVERYONE in the community feel more accepted.

    Thank you Krisily for having the grace to handle the situation well, the ability to look past your hurt from the previous comments to do the interview, and for being such a wonderful representative of bisexual women. You communicated so many of the feelings that I struggle to on a regular basis.

    Great interview Jess! Also, Riese, I didn’t get to comment on the original Krisily post, so I just want to take this opportunity to acknowledge you on your sharp journalistic prowess. And your desire to keep this community accepting of ALL of its members, regardless of their sexuality.

    Also: those pictures with the truck and the pinup hair. Wow. Just wow.

  27. The dog park story is like the GREATEST STORY EVER. Bisexuals are awesome and so is Krisily Kennedy! I’m a dog walker for a living but unfortunately the majority of people I meet are crazy/drunk/male. I even had to have someone arrested on the trails last week. : (

      • Except doesn’t homosexual mean open to loving, not just sexing, people of the same gender? And heterosexual means open to loving, not just sexing, people of a different gender. So why can’t bisexual mean open to loving, not just sexing, genders that are the same and different from your own?

        Just because the word “sexual” is in there doesn’t mean it is only referring to sex.

          • I appreciate the classification that asexuals use. Obvs the aces aren’t looking for sexing, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want relationships and sometimes those emotional/loving relationships they want are straight or gay or bi so they say they’re homo/hetero/bi-romantic. I like that it creates a safe space to admit in these terms that I might be sexually attracted to a group of people that may not necessarily be the same as the group of people that I’m romantically interested in.

            To use the Lady Gaga example she might identify as bisexual but heteroromantic and there’s not even a single thing wrong with that.

          • This is a really good point that I didn’t think of.

            I totally agree that there is nothing wrong with a “Katy Perry-I kissed a girl” type who is only sexually attracted to girls. I guess I always just thought of that as “straight, but sexually attracted to girls.” But really they are heteroromantic and bisexual, by what you’re saying.

            The one problem with this is it will get confusing for people who use “homosexual”, “heterosexual”, or “bisexual” etc. to mean romantic & sexual attraction versus those who use the -sexual ending to mean just sexual. Like what would the word for a lesbian be? “homosexualromantic”?

            meh labels are so confusing i don’t know how we can fix this other than you do you

  28. This was a fun article. She sounds so cool, up front and articulate. She definitely called us out on the comments. It’s also on AS that I read about the harm that our bisexual community experience either by drinking more, not seeking aid because of fear of judgement not only from the queer community but from the hetro community. We have all read about teens killing themselves because of the hate. Not everyone is as strong as her to come back here and stand up for herself. Its not right that people shrink back because they feel inadequate. Im kenyan, its illegal in kenya to be caught “performing homosexual acts”. I assure you that they do not separate bisexuals from lesbians. Ive written all this and yet feel like I am not articulating myself properly, I hope you get the gist.

  29. I will always be ashamed of the bi-phobia of my past, past as in pre-AS. Admittedly I had imagined that bisexuality did not denote a social distinction in the same manner that gay, lesbian etc. had,being tragically inclined to cite heteronormative privilege, and operating under the illusion that since they have one foot in hetero-dom, “bisexual” was not about undertaking an identity beyond
    sexual, having zero stake in championing LGBT rights or seeking community. This article was amazing and that final paragraph makes me weep for all of the queers that find “bisexual” to be an illegitimate category of identity. We need each other, and also, evidently, Shane.

  30. I’m straight, so I find next to nothing that caters to my sexual lifestyle on Autostraddle, but that doesn’t keep me from loving this site’s content (even us straight girls can appreciate a fine set of boobies!). Why do we have to separate everything? Lesbian issues, gay issues, trans issues, bi issues, straight issues,…can’t we just view these things as HUMAN issues?

    • I’m uncomfortable with that last statement, but I can’t really pinpoint why. I think it reminds me a little too much of men who say they aren’t feminist, they’re “humanist”, and seem all smug about it (NOT SAYING THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING). Possibly because of the phrase “human issues”. Also, maybe because each group of people you mention have different positions in society and while a lot their issues do overlap, some of them are unique to their group and saying otherwise kinda seems like erasure to me.

      • I think, ultimately, what Nina is trying to say is that these issues shouldn’t only be addressed or relevant to each of those groups; they affect all humans because what kind of a world do we want to live in if not everybody is equal? Equality isn’t a women’s issue, or a queer person’s issue, it’s a HUMAN issue.

        • Hm, yeah, ok. Then it is just the phrase “human issue” being too close to the word “humanist”. Sorry, too many run ins with overly privileged men who find moral superiority in calling themselves “humanists” and look down on anyone who says they are feminist. Bad associations there.

          • Just for the record, though, as someone who identifies as a “humanist” – don’t get a bad impression of the world because of the way it’s been misused by douchey dudes. It really just means someone who has a great concern for human welfare and social justice.

      • Doesn’t this come down to an issue of visibility helping with acceptance, though? We know that it is easier for straight people to accept that we are not freaks when they personally know one of us, or when we are more visible in a rounded way on TV and in films. Isn’t this the same for the various elements of our LGBT community?

        Doesn’t it make it easier for us to accept each others’ various sexual and gender identities when we get to know (if only internetually) people whose identity is on a different colour of the LGBT rainbow than our own? For example, I know that I’ve learned a lot from Sebastian and Annika about trans* issues.

        I think it would be a shame if we all split off into our own little special interest groups and began to lose sight of what we have in common, focussing only on our differences. It seems to me that it would also be a lot easier for homophobes to undermine us through each other, if we had little understanding of our respective points of view.

        “We’re the colours of the rainbow
        Everybody’s on the yellow brick road”

  31. Wow, I love her hair/outfit in the pin up photoshoot. Yep, don’t have much to add here that hasn’t already been said. Awesome interview and persons involved, pretty much.
    I stopped reading the comments to the previous article when people started criticising her nails (seriously, guys). Glad that I apparently didn’t get to the biphobia. Us queers gotta stick together, c’mon; in-fighting is what the enemy WANTS.

  32. So thanks Jess, Riese, and especially Krisily (and Grace! omg)for a great interview.Riese, you are a very good and smart human.
    You know who’s really going to benefit the most from this, right? All our dogs! More trips to the dog park!

  33. I feel like I just want to point out that to me the comments on the original post weren’t as shaming as Krisily made them seem, like there was maybe 4 or 5 people who posted biphobic idiocy and the rest of the comments were the AS community being amazing as usual and trying to shout out the biphobia.

    I mean I know that there’s this whole bisexual/lesbian divide that happens on some queer girl sites (I’m looking at you afterellen) but really the community here on AS is the most inclusive and frankly well educated about queer issues all across the LGBTQIAAPADDYOURLETTERHERE spectrum. Certainly they do a better job than any other gay website that I visit, some of which I don’t even read the comments for because I know they’re going to throw me into fits of rage at the exclusivity.

    So I guess Krisily, I’m sorry that you felt judged here but it wasn’t really the AS community, it was just some random haters. You’re welcome here, we don’t judge.

  34. I think we are kinda missing one HUGE point. Like…Is she single? Like if I ever come to West hollywood and leave her my phone number will she call me back?

    And, most importantly, am I the only one imagining a threesome with her and Kate? :)

    Anyway I’m happy she got a chance to speak out. She seems like a really lovely girl!

  35. I will admit that I do not really know who this person is, as I have never watched “The Bachelor.” But coming out as an LGBTQ person is a brave thing to do, regardless. Bravo to you, and I wish you nothing but the best in the future.

    Reading the last paragraph of the interview, it reminds of a rule of thumb I try to live by: remember that, on the internet, there is an actual person on the other end, with feelings and emotions. And they should be treated as such. And remember that people are not sterotypes. As Sten said in Dragon Age, “People are not simple. They cannot always be defined for easy reference.”

    It is true that there are some various phobias and isms within our community. What helps me, personally, is reminding myself that for every person who espouses such an attitude, there are a dozen (or more) who do not and that love is the answer to the hatred and spite.

  36. “And I was like “No way! If I was going to like girls, I would have liked girls a long time ago. This doesn’t happen at my age. You see it on Oprah. It’s not real. They’re acting.””

    …I just wanna say thank you for this. I was feeling super alone, and this is just exactly what I’ve been experiencing. It’s good to know I’m not the only one.

    • You are not alone. It happens.

      It took me till I was 39 to figure it out… And then another year or so to realise that my attractions hadn’t *changed*, that the indications had always been there.
      In crushes that I hadn’t realised were crushes.
      In close, mutually-supportive friendships with other women who said they’d ‘never had such a close friendship with another woman and had no idea it could be like that’.
      In the fact that sooo many people thought I was gay when they first met me. Oh how I laughed! I thought they were so funny, thinking I was gay. *facepalm*

      Yeah. I’m slow on the uptake.

        • I was thinking about this today, and I think I know why it’s possible I didn’t know I at the very least had the inclination — I didn’t get along with girls when I was younger. They routinely excluded me so I never had any close friendships with them. I mean, I think on some level I thought they were cute, but I probably didn’t trust them very much until much later in life, when I started forming close friendships with women.

          Bear in mind, it’s just a theory I considered today, but I figure I’d put this out there in case it resonates with someone else.

  37. Thank you for finally pointing out the obese pink elephant in the room. Something that’s always bothered me about gays and lesbians in my area is that they’re usually more closed minded about sexuality than most of the straight people I know. It’s complete hypocracy to say that you want to be treated as a person and not a sexuality when you’re passing judgement on every bisexual you meet. I’m in high school right now, and I notice that bisexuality is becoming a trend, but honestly, sexuality is fluid. Lesbians can turn straight just as quickly as a straight girl can turn gay, but when a bisexual comes out it’s because they’re confused? I call shenanigans.

    Anyway, thank you again for discussing the topic. I hope that eventually people will where I live will realize that biphobia is a thing too.

    • I mostly agree with you, but please refer to Riese’s long comment above – sexuality really isn’t fluid for everyone, and it does not help either bisexuals OR lesbians to tell lesbians who are very sure of their sexuality that they can “turn straight” at any moment.

  38. Krisily Kennedy you are way attractive and this article totally made me happy and stuff, and honestly you should find out where Kate Moennig lives and go knocking on her door one night when it’s raining. Auto-makeout sesh!

    Also you guys upstairs should start local Solanas-inspired lez-only groups where you can better vent your frustration against bisexuals, because this site/fight doesn’t look good on you.

  39. Thank you. All of you. Jess, Krisily, Riese, and all the supportive commenters.

    I’ve been running into biphobia all over the place lately, been feeling rather hated on by the straights and the gays, and I needed this.

    Thank you.

  40. Why aren’t we talking about the fact that Rose, ROSE WHO WAS MEAN TO NATALIE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT THAT NATALIE WAS A WHINY BABY, is lesbian godfather of LA.
    I’m so into this Krisily because my guilty pleasure of the super hetero, misogynistic bachelor meets my real pleasure of queerness, BUT LESBIAN GODFATHER YOU GUYS. SO SO COOL

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