Letter From Your Editors

Hello Babypops!

Do you like the new design yet? I love it! I love it so much and I hope you love it soon too so we can all be in love together, because being in love is the best.

Speaking of love! Welcome to a very special edition of the Autostraddle Insider devoted entirely to Alex Vega, an alleged vegan with wicked design skills and a passion for dancing.

I met Alex Vega for the first time in October of 2007. She’d commented on my L Word recaps and my best friend Haviland followed a link from Alex’s comment to Alex’s portfolio and then somehow convinced this stranger from Long Island to design her new website and logo! She showed me Alex’s MySpace page and I thought she looked cute so I invited myself to their meeting and it wasn’t long before she was designing merch for my blog.

Nearly ten years later, I’ve gotta say goodbye (in a professional capacity) to the girl who launched this website with me back in 2009 and has been working alongside me ever since. She’s been making merch, closing deals, and pondering the fate of “omg shoes” since day one. She’s got a new job in Seattle and will be moving right after camp. I’m excited for y’all to meet our new Business & Design Director, but I also can’t imagine doing this job without Alex and will miss her so much. Actually, I think she’s the only human being I’ve spoken to at least once a week and usually seven times a week for the past nine years. JESUS CHRIST.

So, without any further ado, let’s move on to that part of today’s announcements! OH WAIT BUT FIRST: We hope you’ve enjoyed this month’s A+ content, including The A+ Inbox Live Podcast #7 I Didn’t Want a Vanilla Latte, Some Answers To Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #8, Have the Coolest Mother’s Day and the A+ Inbox Live Podcast #8 Two To Three Seconds Between Pops.

Okay, NOW let’s dig into Alex.

Love,

Riese

co-signed: Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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A Letter From Alexandra “Semicolon” Vega

Dear Queermos,

It is with an incredibly heavy heart that I announce my departure from my position as Design Director with Autostraddle.com. It’s weird and sad to be moving on from a company that I helped start and I’ve definitely wrestled with feeling like I’m quitting or giving up. After I was officially hired in 2012 (after starting the company in 2009), I told myself I would never work for anyone else again. I was determined to make this work, this thing where I diversified my income (I started a second company) and worked from home on my own stuff.

But I became more and more strained financially and professionally as the years went on. As a designer at heart, I looked at where I was in my career, creatively, and I wasn’t happy. As Riese and any of the Senior Editors could tell you, the tasks and jobs that you take on in a start-up or small company are not necessarily what you like to do, want to do, or even what you’re good at doing. Most, if not all, of the senior team’s daily tasks exist out of necessity to keep the machine running.

And this was okay for me for awhile, but I blame the return of Saturn for bringing upon the quarter-life crisis that made me reflect back on myself about my present and my future—which for the first time I am actually considering:

Financially, I live in an expensive city. I’m 30, I have a fiancée, and we want to have a family eventually. Animal trainers don’t make a lot of money so basically it’s up to me to start pulling in some serious cash cause debt and babies don’t go well together.

Professionally, I want to be a designer! A really good one! And I have a lot of learning to do. I’m ready for the next big step in my life/career where for the first time I’m part of a collaborative team of amazing designers at a fancy agency who I can learn from. The thought of this scenario makes me happier than anything else.

So here I am… telling myself I am not quitting, but I think I’ll always feel like I am in some way or another.

The team and community behind Autostraddle is nothing short of THE most amazing and passionate people I’ve ever met and will ever meet in my life. I am truly privileged to have worked alongside such dedication. I will never comprehend how they make it all happen every day and I thank them for putting up with me over the last few years. What’s a phrase like I “tip my hat to you” except times a billion?

I love this fucking website and I hope y’all will still let me come to A-Camp as long as I keep bringing the whiskey.

xo Alex

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From April 2016

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. 13 TV Shows With Lesbian and Bisexual Female Characters Who Are Getting It Right, by Heather Hogan & Riese Bernard
2. Kitty Genovese’s Murder: Everything You Know About The “38 Bystanders” Is Wrong, by Riese Bernard
3. Boob(s On Your) Tube: “The 100” Buries Lexa and Maybe Itself, by Heather Hogan
4. You Need Help: You’re Bisexual and Your Girlfriend Wishes You Weren’t, by Rachel Kincaid
5. NSFW Sunday Knows What Will Warm You Up, by Carolyn Yates
6. 105 Trans Women On American TV: A Complete History and Analysis, by Riese Bernard
7. Meet The 7 Openly Gay Players of the National Women’s Soccer League, by Kelly
8. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for April 2016, by Corrina
9. The 12 Gayest Moments of Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Boy Problems” Video, by Mey Rude
10. You Need Help: Making Friends as a Queer Adult, by Ali Osworth

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I’m super thankful to have had the opportunity to work with Alex over the years. Her design sense, work quality, and creativity are top notch. And she’s really nice and easy to work with! While I’ll miss working with her, I am glad she’s moving to Seattle, and I look forward to some outside adventures together in the Pacific NW!
– Cee Webster

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations WITH ALEX

Conversations with Alex, 2009-2016

Alex: So HER is in for a campership WOO
Riese: Do you ever say “woo-hoo!” out loud
Alex: I say “WOO”
Riese: Hm
You write it a lot and i was like, I can’t envision Alex actually SAYING it
Alex: And if we were in an office, I def would have “woo”d in this case
WOO!!!
WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Riese: Wait type it again but with more exclamation points
Alex: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was that enough?
Riese: Ok cool
Yes that was perfect
Alex: Great.
Riese: I can now envision this situation
I feel at peace

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Riese: Today we have the famous Alex Vega
Kristin: How do I see what Alex looks like? It’s stressing me out.
Riese: You should just google “alex vega”
Alex: Just imagine a muppet
Any muppet
Dannielle: GOOGLE.
Kristin: But isn’t that already a child star?
Alex: I AM NOT ALEXA VEGA
Riese: If you google Alex Vega Autostraddle
Then you really hit the jackpot
Alex: Also there’s someone on Instagram who likes all my photos named alexzvega and I don’t like it.
Riese: Google won’t let me google Alex Vega
Kristin: Wait. Is Alex dead?
Grace: That picture of my sideboob comes up when you google Alex’s name
Alex: I’m very much alive. Alive and well.
Riese: Alex Vega death.
Grace: I have concerns.

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Alex: It’s hard for me to pay attention to this survey/chat when “How the Earth Was Made” is on history chan
Sarah P.: Alex, history is being made right here

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Alex: One of the three A-Camp logos I came up with is totally crazy and weird and I think you’re going to hate it.
Riese: Oh good I can’t wait to hate it
Alex: hahaha
Even I’m like “where did this come from?!”
Riese: Oh good
I hope it has a medieval theme
or maybe like a spooky theme
Alex: ooo!
Riese: Like a “Hey, is this a haunted house or a lush forest?”
kind of vibe
would be ideal
Alex: Ok cool. Good art direction.
Riese: Or like “Oh wow, is it time for a cheeseburger?”
something like that
Alex: It’s always time for a cheeseburger
Riese: SAYS THE ALLEGED VEGAN
Alex: HEY
I had a cheeseburger yesterday actually. But it was a Boca burger. AND IT WAS SO GOOD.
Riese: Probably not as good as a regular cheesburger
Alex: Probably not. But still good.
So get out of here.

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Kaelyn: HAPPY BIRTHDAY< ALEX!!! :cocktail:
Laneia: whooooa for a second i thought kaelyn was throwing back to 2007(?) when it was a;ex
#neverforget #neverletalexforget
Stef: lil baby semicolon
grew up into a full.. colon… nevermind Alex you’re doin great
Kaelyn:

Alex: Oh God why did I make the borders pink?! #regrets
Riese: That was our COLOR
Alex: It’s not the color that bothers me as much as deciding to make the lines that color?
Riese: Well I think today, your birthday, is truly a great opportunity to reflect on your growth
as a human and as a line-colorer
Stef: Sky’s the limit
The lines can be any color you want
OR THERE CAN BE NO LINES

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Riese: We need a name for Nat Garcia’s Show on Autostraddle.
Should use the word “Nat” because that’s her thang.
Ideas: Nativerse, CaNastrophe, The InterNat Show, Neo-Nat, Supernat, Philonat, Metanat, Natlock
Carly: NatAttack! (exclamation point is key)
Robin: Spicy Natmeg… Get it?
Laneia: I like NatAttack! b/c it reminds me of Attack of the Show!
Also I like NatLock? I think I just like the K sound.
Riese: Oh I forgot about my first idea which was “Nat takes off her clothes and has sex, lesbian sex actually” but I thought maybe it was too wordy.
Alex: Riese I believe the name we were talking about yesterday was actually: “Natalie Takes Her Clothes Off and Has Sex With Naked Women on Camera.” We’d probably get a billion hits!

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Alex: Brb I have an appt with a massage therapist bc my neck hurts like hell. Be back laterz
Riese: K don’t let her fingerbang you
Alex: I NEVER GET MASSAGES BTW this is my first in I think two years? So. You know. I’m not rolling in massages over here.
I’ll fingerbang whoever I want I’m a grown ass woman

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Riese: Omg I just did something you would do
I messed up math
Alex: You always mess up math
Riese: Shhhhh
There aren’t 63 staff
Alex: Oh?
Riese: There’s 49
Alex: You always mess up math. Don’t even. I am not one bit surprised
OH IS THERE
Riese: (runs and hides)
Alex: You don’t even know 63 people
Riese: I know it did seem a bit lofty

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Riese: Video editing is expensive
millions of dollars
let’s ask them for $1.1 million
Alex: Well uh that depends on how long the video is Riese lol
Riese: Ok maybe $780,000
Alex: Not for a 5 min video
Riese: The key to all of this is to charge them a lot
Alex: I like that

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Riese: I think I am going to fire myself
Alex: Like set yourself on fire?
Riese: Ooooohh you know what I hadn’t thought of that
I meant fire myself from my job, but you’re right that setting myself on fire I think would make a larger statement
Alex: Yeah
It would
brb i gotta walk Kai or he’s gonna pee on me or something

[…]

Alex: Ok so first of all, dont fire yourself
Riese: Ooohh kkkk
Alex: Well, I dont have a second thing. That was it.

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I CAN SOFTEN IT FOR YOU IF YOU WANT TO WRITE A DRAFT

READY FOR A MAJOR PEEK BEHIND THE AUTOSTRADDLE CURTAIN? Trying to get money from advertisers has been an uphill battle for us, and has often involved going through publishers who want to partner with us to sell more ads for their site as well as ours, and it NEVER WORKS OUT. Below is Alex and I bitching about one of these situations. Basically, a few weeks prior to this day, Autostraddle and our publisher partner had been given info on a campaign for a specific advertiser run by an agency we’d worked with many times. They gave us a concept/suggestion and told us to run with it. The partner said they’d get some pitch ideas together and shoot them to us for feedback — we’d specifically informed them that for this advertiser and this agency, it’d be best for US to come up with the pitch, but okay fine, you do it, you’re taking a very large cut after all!, and we’ll revise it. Then we heard nothing from them until two weeks later when a woman I will call “Patty” sent us an email that was an intro paragraph and then the concept/suggestion, rather than a unique pitch based on the concept/suggestion, and informed us it was due at 6am the next day and this is what they’d be turning in. Alex asked Patty about a million questions regarding this situation (none of them were about essays), and got only this in return:

They don’t want to do essays.  In a nut shell they want us to produce their video content and photos for their [BRAND] Power Tower 23″ HD Screen.  Can We do it? If your unsure then I can redo the proposal and have another angle.  I wanted to run it by you to see if it’s doable.

Let me know.  I’m gonna take a hour nap and resume completing the proposal for submission by. 6am,

Alex: I saw Patty’s reply. I feel like my response right now is going to be along the lines of “Welp! I guess because we have no time, we can’t actually work any of this out and we just have to go with it.”
Riese: I don’t really understand what she’s asking us, because like, anything is okay for the right price
But how money gets distributed is so oblique that it’s hard to gauge that
Like yeah we’ll shoot you a fucking IMAX if you give us 2 million dollars, like what’s the deal
Alex: I think this meeting with them at the end of this month is going to be very much needed
Riese: Yeah I wanna look this woman in the eyeball
Alex: Like, we kind of need to know what the best estimate is going to be for our share. We need to give you numbers for how much a landing page would cost us to make before you decide on what you’re going to ask for with the whole thing. Like, I kind of asked a lot of questions?
Riese: Yeah you asked like 6 questions
and she told you about nut shells
it’s kinda entertaining
Alex: I feel like her response is unacceptable. I’m going to let her finish her nap and look at her response again.
I kind of want her to understand that we should have saw this outline BEFORE she sent it to [ADVERTISER]
Riese: I hate it when people tell you their sleep schedule so you know how hard core they are
when seriously they should’ve just planned better in advance
Alex: Not because we need to control everything or whatever… but because we just don’t take whatever [ADVERTISER] suggests and do EXACTLY THAT. We take their ideas and we make them WORK.
Riese: Yeah totally! Which is what I was trying to tell them with the contract, that like for [AD AGENCY] pitches, you are going to need us to do the pitch!
And therefore we should get a bigger cut of it
b/c now we’re making a jumbotron video for some postmodern pride booth
Alex: Yeah. I think Patty just listened to what they said, and just did exactly that. Meanwhile, ya gotta converse with us. Jesus.
Riese: Yeah like hello WE ARE AN UNDERPAID IDEA FACTORY
Alex: I mean, maybe we work differently than other websites, but that’s exactly the point.
Riese: That’s what I was trying to comunicate when i was like, “Some things will need our branding advice and we wanna get paid for that”
Alex: Also… who suggested essays?
Like, that threw me off.
Riese: Patty’s cat probably
because cats can’t read
so she was like, NO ESSAYS PATTY
I’M A CAT AND I CAN’T READ THAT SHIT
Alex: I’m kind of pissed. I kind of want to be very honest in my reply.
I wanna be like “Look, honestly, we should’ve seen this basic outline two weeks ago.”
Riese: Yes I sense you are firecrackery right now and I completely understand why
Alex: Yeah, I am not happy. I wasn’t going to drink tonight but I might have to now.
Riese: It’s ok I drank tonight and i haven’t drank on a weeknight since 2013
but what’s really funny about this
is that the thing she sent us
is the same thing they told us on the phone two weeks ago!
Alex: Yeah
Yeah it is
Riese: Like it took them two weeks to come up with…. the same thing
Alex: Which is why I want to set this straight right now.
Like I kind of want to call it out?
I feel like my email is going to be more angry than I want it to be. Like, I am way too wound up right now.
Thinking about writing this email is making me mad.
Riese: I know the feeling
I can soften it for you if you want to write a draft
Alex: All we needed was one more phone call between me, you, Patty and [PERSON] after we heard [AGENCY]’s ideas to solidify our own take on it and what would work. That’s all.
Riese: But also I think it is very important to be firm
Alex: Yeah
I dont even know how to start this. Okay, I’m going to go take a fucking shower then try this cause right now it’s going to come out unnecessarily scathing. Firm I want. Scathing I don’t.
Riese: Have fun not washing your hair!
Alex: Oh I have to wash it tonight
Riese: Big night!
Alex: “Hey Patty — thanks for answering all my questions.”
hahahah
this is fun now actually. all the possible things this email can say
Riese: I’m still laughing
Alex: “Hey Patty — thanks for running this by us to see if it’s “doable”. Maybe if you answer any of my questions, I can answer that for you”
Riese: hahaha
Alex: “Hey Patty — I think the problem is that you said you’d send us this proposal two weeks ago to look at.”
You know what… I think what’s better than a complicated reply right now… IS NO RESPONSE AT ALL.
Riese: It’s like a staring contest but with your eyes closed
Alex: Yeah like, she just ignored me and asked again “can we do it?” and I basically want to copy and paste my last reply in another email and send it again.
Riese: You should add like three words to the start, like “interesting! okay well —” and then just paste the rest of your last reply. And then she’ll write back as if you didn’t say anything at all, and then we can be right back where we started from! But with clean hair.

[Fun fact: When we finally did meet Patty in person we actually loved her to pieces, so there’s that. But the partnership eventually fell to pieces. :-/ ]

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“My life leading up to that first Dinah Shore had been so so so fucking terrible and sad and weird, like if anything good or bright had happened, it barely registered bc i was just so out of my mind. and I swear to the infinite universe, when Alex started dancing it was the first moment of sheer joy that I’d fully registered in about a year. I WILL MISS HER SO MUCH.”
-Laneia

What We’ve Been Reading

Stef: Nothing Is Ever Missing by Catherine Lacey

Riese: The Red Parts by Maggie Nelson

KaeLyn: Queering Sexual Violence: Radical Voices from Within the Anti-Violence Movement by Jennifer Patterson (editor)

Laura M: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling

Carolyn: Bluets by Maggie Nelson

Heather: First Women: The Grace and Power of America’s Modern First Ladies by Kate Andersen Brower

Rachel: Shadowshaper by Daniel José Older

Maddie: A Cup of Water Under My Bed by Daisy Hernandez

Erin: The Place of Enchantment: British Occultism and the Culture of the Modern by Alex Owen

Maree: The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel

Aisha: Ten Thousand Saints by Eleanor Henderson

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GROUP CONVO: LANEIA, RACHEL, RIESE & ALEX, 2010

This is the day that we did not realize it was Sarah Palmer’s birthday! Sarah Palmer was our Managing Editor but then she went to law school and now she does a lot of canning.

Riese: HELLO WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY
Alex: gahhhh
I am too hungover for this
Riese: sarah palmer
Rachel: RT
what is it
oh
Laneia: BIRTHDAY
DAY OF BIRTH
Alex: I’m gonna vom probs
Riese: missed it
happened
Alex: I thought that happened like 2 weeks ago?
Riese: nope
Alex: God I fucking hate birthdays
Riese: today
Laneia: today
Rachel: it was this weekend
today?
Alex: OH JESUS FUCK
Rachel: oh
it is this weeekend
Alex: I HATE EVERYTHING. I HATE TIME.
Laneia: TODAY
Riese: it’s today
sunday
yesterday
for those of us on RST
Laneia: yes
Riese: sarah is on RST
Alex: ….
Rachel: what are we doing
let’s do it
Riese: idk
Rachel: before alex voms
Riese: we need a graphic
Alex: Lets buy her a prostitute
Riese: i know one in ann arbor actually
idk if she sees girls though
Laneia: alex
focus
Alex: OF CORSE WE NEED A GRAFIK
this is hard
thinking
Laneia: it took me days to make riese’s grafik
Riese: let’s make her a tumblr
Rachel: otters
Laneia: FUCK I AM A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE PERSON
Riese: not hard right?
Rachel: let’s make her an otter
Riese: otters
she does like otters
Laneia:OTTERS
Riese: let’s make weareallmadeofsarahpalmer.tumblr.com
Alex: otterotteroterteotottoerr
Laneia: ok i will make this
Alex: I am def made of SP
Riese: i wish i was
Laneia: alex
ALEX
Riese: can i be diabetes
Rachel: let’s make text posts of our favorite SFP moments
and like email subject line and stuff
Laneia: I NEED YOU TO WRITE ABOUT WHEN YOU ORDERED THE THINGS
AT THE PLACE
Alex: order the things?
ALL the things?!
Laneia: empenadas
Alex: omg
omg
omg
omg
Laneia::)
Alex: we had a moment
ESP
Riese: i am going to hang myself
for sfp’s bday
would that be weird
i feel bullied about her birthday
Rachel: let’s give her a law degree for her birthday
then we can have her back
Riese: good idea
Alex: brill
Riese: ok let’s make a tumblr
that will be enough
her real friends got her drunk and she sent a reply all
Rachel: does anyone have her mailing address
Riese: i do not
but i will go to it
on thursday
i think
i will go to her home
and write down her address
Rachel: if you get it for me i will mail her something
Riese: k
Rachel: it will be from all of us
Alex: tumblr
i think tumblr is a good idea
Rachel: fuckyeahsfp
Laneia: tumblr
is
Alex: i mean, just a good way for us to all add some shit to it
Riese: yeah we will need to get other ppls to do it
Alex:: I am very tired. le sigh.
Riese: crystal will make a good picutre
Laneia: I WILL SEND AN EMAIL
Riese: she is a good person
Alex: But I will make a graphic involving ESP empanadas. bc that was the moment of mine and SFP’s relationship
Riese: i’m glad we had this talk everybody
Rachel: me too
Laneia:yes
Riese: yes
Rachel: let’s none of us commit suicide
ok
Alex: I am still nausous
omg i cant spell and I’m not even in LA yet
Riese: RT
Laneia: what alex said
Riese: i was going to kill myself
but now i am not
Laneia: everyone has the login info????
YOU ALL HAVE IT
Alex:: WHURR IZ IT THE LOGIN
Riese: oh boi
Laneia: [email protected]
pswd:sarahfuckingpalmer
Alex: oh right
does that start now?
Riese: can john mccain be in it
nm i don’t want him in it
i am not reusing
Laneia: no you must renew
Alex: When are we presenting this tumblr to SP, I would just liek to say that I would t least like the morning to finish my contribution and I LOVE YOU ALL
Laneia: tomorrow afternoon
Rachel: yes
Alex: weee eee
Rachel: also
i’m just letting you two know
that i will finish 2 other fixes in the morning
Laneia: ok
Rachel: right now i have been kind of incapacitated by reading andrew shirvells’s twitter
Riese: rachel
you’re great
Rachel: marie lyn
you’re pretty
Riese: thank you rachel
i had a nice weekend and i want you all to know that art is important
Laneia: from alex, subj line: “THIS IS A PHOTO OF A KITTEN AND AN OTTER TOGETHER IN THE SAME PHOTO”
so
that happened and then i was happy

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“Alex Vega is clearly a wonderful human being because dogs love her. So beyond that one, irrefutable fact, she has dance techniques that boggle the mind and hair as perfect as a rootbeer float in Summer. Her passion for Lady Gaga in the early days actually convinced me to listen to music by a person whose name sounds like something a baby says. She is a brilliant artist and designer. Whether we’re talking about the Autostraddle website or the hundreds of items she’s individually designed for the Merch Store she always brought things to the next level. I really hope A;ex returns for future A-Camps. The Family Band just wouldn’t be the same without her mad drum skills. I will certainly miss her brain around this place, but I’d die if I never got to witness another drum solo.”
– Bren

SLACKERS

A short visual history of the Alex emoji in Slack.

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Alex Vega Retro-Reading

Some posts by Alex from previous months Riese thinks you might enjoy. 

Freelance Graphic Designer: The Kit (2012): Our first A-Camp was basically all of us leading workshops on how to be ourselves. Alex was on a panel about CAREERS, which I believe was called “THE CAREER PANEL.”

It’s Alex Vega’s Mindblowing “Call Your Girlfriend” Dance Video (2012): I mean DUH. WATCH THIS TEN TIMES, CRY SOFTLY TO YOURSELF, RINSE. REPEAT.

Lady Gaga’s Telephone Video: Even Gayer Than Actual Dance Clubs (2010): Fun fact —We used to write about Lady Gaga literally every single day. This recap is amazing because Alex is funny and made incredible graphics.

Dinah Shore Weekend Live-Blogged By A;ex For Autostraddle (2009): Once upon a time, before we qualified for “press passes” and other such things, Alex Vega went to Dinah Shore JUST FOR FUNSIES and was forced to “live-blog” it by texting and emailing me the whole time she was there.

Interviewing Amber Heard At GLAAD’s 25th Anniversary Party! (2011): Once upon a time Alex Vega and Croce went to this GLAAD thing in Los Angeles and got Amber Heard’s first interview after coming out. It was cute.

Top 10 Lesbian Fashion & Style Icons (2009): When we both lived in New York, it was really easy to collaborate on things like this — we’d conceptualize and outline together, and then I’d handle the writing while Alex handled the graphics. This is some of our best work!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX 2013

Riese: i’m gonna get you a giant blow-up whale for your birthday
as big as a normal whale
Alex: what kind of whale though?
Riese: it will have 5-6 holes where it needs to be blown up
Alex: please say beluga
Riese: a beluga whale
Alexa: hahahah they make those?
amazing
Riese: mary can train it
whale-sized
Alex: Mary will freak the fuck out.
she loves whales
Riese: lesbians love sea mammals
i wonder if they really do make whale sized whales
they do
Alex: no way
omg
its a whale calf!
Riese: i don’t know what that means alex
Alex: what do I look like, google, to you?
a baby whale! its a baby whale!
Riese: so it’s like a really fat baby
Alex: it’s a normal baby whale
Riese: so it’s sort of like a fat baby
Alex: haven’t you ever been to an aquarium gosh
like a fat human baby?
Riese: on a scale of one to ten how much is it like a fat baby
Alex: ten
it’s like ten fat babies probs
Riese: like if i was looking at a fat human baby next to a calf whale, how would i know the difference
and can the calf whale eat me
Alex: yes
Riese: fuck
i need to think of a new present
maybe a baby cow
Alex: yeah
Riese: what is a baby cow called, a fat one
Alex: No presents. just bring yoselves. And maybe some booze so that we can drink
a calf
Riese: so a baby cow is basically a whale
Alex: everything is a calf
Riese: i think i’m going to be with you for most of the weekend in general
Alex: right
Riese: also i know what a whale calf is i was just joshing you
i have like ten whale calfs
calves
is it okay if at your birthday party i sing a song to you
well to everybody but in your honor
a capella ideally
Alex: no
you can do a flag dance though
if I play the national anthem
Riese: ok
Alex: ok fine.

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ALUMNI NEWSLETTER

Hansen, Subject Editor for DIY/Food, Two-ish years at Autostraddle (July 2012-September 2014)

What are you doing without us?
I just finished my MFA in Creative Writing! That was hard and I’m glad it’s over. I also work at a fun media place coordinating and editing online courses for crafts and hobbies.

What do you miss the most about us?
Your really good hair. I actually really miss the community, both internally with other writers and editors, and the readers. I actually really miss getting 200 reply-all emails every day because I felt so close to everyone. I’ve been really lucky to see a lot of Straddlers lately, and I’m excited to see more at camp again!

Would you invite us to your wedding, yes or no?
Yes, of course everyone has to come. Bring your dancing shoes! (But for real yes, please attend.)

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Alex is a wonderful person who’s shared some excellent, sisterly advice with me. I appreciate her hair and her hard work and I’m really gonna miss her picking us up from LAX for our senior editor retreat! But also just in general, she’s gonna be missed around here!

-Yvonne Marquez

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Girl, It’s Your Time: Trans Artist Vivek Shraya on Finding Freedom and Wholeness, Vivek interviewed by Dannielle Owens-Reid

Vivek and her art are so rad, and I feel really honored to have been able to publish this interview! I feel strongly that if and when you read it you will feel compelled to seek out Vivek’s work, and that when you do that it will impact your life positively, so really you’re just doing a lot of favors for yourself by reading this.

The True Price of Salt: On the Book That Became Carol, by Gabrielle Bellot

I loved Carol but found the foundational text, The Price of Salt in some ways even more affecting in a weird way that’s hard to articulate — the world of the book feels both totally foreign, with speech patterns and interactions that don’t make any sense in our time and people just sitting around in silence endlessly, but also very familiar, that crushing love that Therese feels without knowing she was capable of it. I have never been able to articulate anything interesting or useful about this book but Gabby is so brilliant at it, and has such good and thoughtful things to say about what the book meant then, what it means now, what kind of taboos and cultural tender spots it still prods at. You should read it!

Stigma and Sisterhood: Life for Trans Women since 1994’s I Don’t Wanna Be A Boy, by Princess Harmony

This essay does so much so beautifully — it’s at once highly personal, about self and sisterhood, and a really smart critical piece about how we form our sense of selves from the world around us, and how the part of us that does that identity formation doesn’t really make distinctions about whether it’s drawing from something “problematic” or not. I think you will like it a lot and also learn a lot — I had never heard of this documentary before and maybe you hadn’t either!

The Audience is Everyone: An Evening with Ellen Page’s Tallulah and Women in Film, by Isabel

For me personally, filmmaking is probably the media process I know the least about — I experience movies as just appearing in the world, fully formed, for my viewing pleasure. (Lol at that idea, obvs.) Anyways this was fascinating to me, looking at how this Ellen Page movie project came together and what obstacles it faced, and the meta-commentary of Isabel writing about watching the gender politics play out in the discussion of this gendered movie was really interesting! Also, Ellen Page.

Crip Lit: Towards an Intersectional Queer Syllabus, by Tovah

Man, I get so thrilled whenever anyone writes a great book list or reading guide on a topic; it’s just such a gift to the world! What an honor, to have someone lead you by the hand through a topic that you may not be familiar with, or that you are familiar with experientially but are not sure where to start with (or what’s worth your time and energy) academically and literarily. Enjoy this treat! Dive in! What a world!

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Audrey’s Pick of the Month: Beautiful Notecards

One of my favorite acts is to sit at my desk, pull out my heavy, serious pen, and write someone a note. It is so lovely and satisfying to send someone physical mail and anticipate their delighted reaction. It’s a bit of a bygone art, perhaps, but that makes it all the more charming. I have a few sets of thank you cards, blank cards, and personalized stationary so I can match the mood of the occasion and the recipient, and I also have a set of post cards that are just stills from the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets movie which I cannot explain. I’ve been sending them to friends and family all over the country, and a few people have even sent cards back! Also, my partner and I write each other notes to leave behind whenever one of us goes out of town, which has become a really beautiful ritual. (Sorry, love is gross.)

The point is, no occasion is too small to warrant a few heartfelt sentences on a real piece of paper: Birthdays, graduations, sickness, love or just because you have five spare minutes and a stamp. Maybe you need these adorable doodly thank you cards or this exquisite gold embossed card for the badass in your life. Maybe you want to spread some feminist love with a powerful queer. Etsy has a ton of amazing and handcrafted options, and you can also always find lovely and cheap card sets at Half Price Books and other used book stores. Once you have the perfect cards, you could probably use an adorable address book or some striking pens. Note writing is meditative for me, and it helps me connect with writing and other humans in this very digital age. The right tools help keep me connected to the habit — and there’s nothing life finding just the right card for just the right friend.

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Social Media Spotlight

Alex mostly tweets things she has to tweet for her job, RT’s, stuff about whiskey, and instagram pictures, and she is very good at that. But sometimes she just tweets words about things! Here are a few of those times.

I my dream, I was in Taylor Swift's band telling Taylor Swift that I had a dream about being in her band?

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) May 4, 2016

I had a dream where I asked Beyoncé why they don't play "Formation" on the radio? 🤔

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) March 4, 2016

Now it hurts to sit at my computer for eight hours THANKS YOGA.

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) January 26, 2016

I don't always write articles for @autostraddle, but when I do, it will be a report of my experience w/a certain tax conglomerate (@HRBlock)

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) July 30, 2014

At a baby shower. It's great except there's no men here. I will never understand this. It's your baby too, right?

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) June 22, 2014

Dear Ace Hotel Palm Springs this is not an old fashioned love Alex pic.twitter.com/pl6GATUQmY

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) March 29, 2014

Had I known @gracecellis sooner perhaps @autostraddle couldve been called something awesome like Lumberjanes & saved me daily embarrassment

— Alex Vega (@a_ex) April 13, 2014

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“I just want to say that when I went to camp last year I was so afraid everyone was going to hate me because of how I was birthed from the bowels of [website], but when Alex saw me the first time on the first day, she ran — ran! — up to me and hugged me and said it was so nice to finally meet me in person, and that was when I knew everything was going to be okay. not just with camp, but with everything. That people weren’t going to think of me the terrible way I thought of myself for so long, getting beaten down at that website, for the rest of my life.”
– Heather Hogan

Meet Our New Alex!

Hello, this is Riese again. This month’s new person interview, conducted by Yvonne as per ushe, is with Sarah Sarwar, our new best friend. Sarah’s been Senior Art Director at Team Detroit since 2014, and previously worked as an Art Director & Designer at Digitas Chicago. We had four mutual friends on Facebook even before she and her girlfriend came over to our house for dinner and told us romantic stories about the Spashley forums. She charmed Laneia and Alex on Skype and even met my mother, so it’s pretty serious. Seriously, Sarah is insanely talented, hella ambitious and quite funny and she has big dreams for Autostraddle that align precisely with OUR dreams for Autostraddle. We’re so so so blessed to have her on our team and we can’t wait for you to fall in love with her too!

Sarah Sarwar, Design & Business Director

Instagram/Snapchat:@sarsquared

How do you feel about Catherine Zeta-Jones?
If you asked me this 13 years ago, I could tell you about the hundred-million feelings I had for this woman. I was ‘straight’ at the time, under the guise that I was just really enamored by her beauty and talent… riiiiight. I was 100% obsessed and on all the fan-sites meeting tons of girls like me. So one night my online friend Kristin (kristin1975a) and I were chatting on AIM and she dared me to add to this ongoing “Interactive Fan Fiction” on one of our favorite CZJ sites. In the fic, Catherine and Ava (the lead character) had been flirting, but no one had taken them to the next level. I’ve always been a bit of a perv so I took the challenge, and spent the rest of the night furiously typing out what I thought lesbian sex was. I had never actually slept with a woman so the writing was based on every terrible porn trope – there was a hot tub in a Victorian-style basement, lacy lingerie she “only wore for her boyfriend,” “Cristal-doused” breasts… and this:

“She picks up the pink, light up vibrator from the tray, a playful smile on her lips. The last candle flickers down to a smoke, leaving us in complete darkness. Suddenly, like a staff of pink light, Catherine turns on the vibrator. I can hear the hum of it, trembling in her hand.”

… and it turned out to be double-sided. It was like, 2 a.m. when I finally finished writing. I remember looking at my computer screen and being like “Aghhhh! I’m a lesbian!”

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Anything breakfast-y. Scrambled egg and salty prosciutto on buttery croissant. YES.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I was a sophomore in high school and had recently started dating this Bosnian guy in my friend group. For our FIRST DATE he set up this elaborate situation in his basement with fruit, whipped cream, and candles… I think he thought we were going to feed each other and have a sexy makeout session! I remember being super awkward – I didn’t know what to do, so I just fed myself some strawberries while listening to his carefully-crafted R&B mix. Needless to say, we broke up shortly after that.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
See question one, it was none other than Catherine Zeta-Jones. I saw the movie Chicago and her honey-brown eyes and alabaster thighs doing the spread-eagle were TOO MUCH.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
Podcasts! Particularly: This American Life, Unqualified with Anna Ferris, Women of the Hour, The Moth, Mortified, Invisibilia… the list goes on. My ears have never been happier.

If you mean like actually today, then probably that woman with the Chewbacca mask!

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?
This may be cheesy, but lately I’ve been mustering up the courage to manifest positive change with thoughts that become actions! Like Ezra Fitz, I’ll write down what I want in my feelings journal and then by some magical universe voodoo, it happens. I was musing about seeing the world and it led me to a month-long trip in India. I wrote about wanting to upend my structured 9 to 5 life in advertising to freelance, and a friend sent me the job posting for Autostraddle (thanks Leslie B.!)! This time next week I’ll be at A-Camp, up in the clouds of the California mountains with a bunch of amazing people – you guys! It seems kinda unbelievable that this is my life now, and I’m so excited to start a new chapter with the talented ladies at Autostraddle!

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Teamwork Dreamwork

Alex: I need a drink
Riese: oh sweet
i’ve had two
already
drinks
these calls are a lot for me
Alex: You think we did good?
They gave us so many excuses, Riese!
So many!
Riese: i think so, yeah? i think we did good at staying firm
yeah, SO predictable
Alex: Like such bullshit
Thats why I had to be like, no, it was your fault!
Riese: oh fuck i forgot to mention that we shouldn’t have to pay their credit card processing fees b/c if we were in charge we would’ve just paid by check
that’s something i want to talk about out loud
that that’s their bad, not ours
Alex: Yeah thats crap. We need to discuss that at some point.
Riese: we’ll know a little more after talking to [AGENCY] tomorrow i think
in the meantime i am going to plow forward on this video?
after i finish writing about jessie j
Alex: Like i cant believe they think they can give [AGENCY] an excuse. We’ve done this before! You know what the difference was? We made better decisions. And I ran everything by MY COWORKER before assuming anything
I kept my coworker on the same page!
Riese: YUP
you sure did
Alex: Not hard. I’ve done it. Save the excuses.
Riese: the moral of every story alex
is that we are better than everybody else
Alex: Alright, yeah let’s do this video thing. WE CAN DO IT.
hahahaha
Riese: and it’s really hard to live in a world filled with people who are not as awesome as we are
i’m going to find some poor people to read nonsense about [BRAND] on camera
Alex: HAHAHA
omg
Riese: i hope by “actors” she meant “riese’s poor friends”
also i wish they could send me that check now but whatevs
i want them to sign a thing saying what they’re gonna pay us
for [BRAND] so that we don’t get fucked over
we’re always so nice and don’t make people sign things when they should
Alex: um I’m not sure because we are still constantly negotiating what we get for this
alright i gtg, lets pick this up tomorrow
Riese: ok
Alex: good work!
Riese: good talk
Alex: ttyl@
Riese: you too!
good job standing tall
when you are firm and stand up for yourself i think it means a lot and i felt happy inside to witness it
Alex: aww thanks :)
I’m hglad we are a good team
Riese: i’m hglad too
teamwork dreamwork

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XOXO

Team Autostraddle